I wonder ……
I see many entities, trolls, demons, aliens, reptilian, ducks (which is a new one), ghosts …. baby ghosts, skulls, banshees, mermaids, lions, geckos, praying mantis and the occasional huge centipede, dragons, cars, machines, LOTS of “flowers”/ attachment connectors. And this gizmo looking dude that rides around on a Lotus flower. All leaning the cartoon side.
Almost all of them have a straw that comes half way our their mouth. The flowers are ways to connect but I don’t know why.
I have seen a vision of a woman but when I concentrate on looking into the darkness of my eyes that “woman” turned into a Mantis that quickly removed itself from my view once I saw it.
Are all these “entities” what make up my imagination, visions (forced imagination), dreams. I can usually tell the difference between my own imagination or memory vs forced visions. Theirs are WAY brighter than mine. Like abnormally bright, and the theme is usually child abuse, sex, yup that’s pretty much the main ones.
So what I SEE and what I FEEL correlates. I have seen 30 Geckos shoot sparkles into my stomach no words (yes I know that’s fucking crazy) and then I had insatiable hunger, I see the clear fast jelly one that would make my body shake.
What I SEE and what I HEAR does not correlate. I’m threatened all day by this voice. There is 2 maybe 3 (2 males and an occasional female voice) I hear all kinds of sick shit about child abuse. The loud voice will talk about incest or rape with my father. Maybe forced visions of rape as I might wake up from hearing my dad leave for work.
Visions are like dreams with your eyes open. But they are not quiet the same as hallucinations. Hallucination (i.e. Blobs of energy, or a troll in my bathroom) I can walk around. Even if they are a bit 2D I can still walk around them meaning it’s in space not just my head.
So maybe visions and what I hear correlate. But what I SEE and hear does not. It’s like all of the 2D characters would have to be activated as players in a vision. But usually the mind will see human or maybe whatever this MAIN one wants me to see.
Only in my dreams has what I heard, felt and saw correlate and it was one of me being raped. And my butt actually hurt after.
What I HEAR and what I FEEL correlates. What I hear which is a main male voice that is loud (even when it whispers), that often mimics/parrots my ex (false twin flames) voice or “character”. This one seems like a ring leader and I guess is the one that’s in my head the most.
Often the main demon will try to make me feel like a pedophile if I see a child on TV. This will be a split second situation. Child on tv, I’m like “aw cute”, Entity will vibrate my vagina/root chakra.
If the Entity/demon/Voice feels extra mean today, it will say something disgusting or insinuating through a “forced vision” something disgusting. This happens all day. As much as I’ve locked myself in the house to avoid it. Children are in every commercial, my dad lives with me an Depending on the day I may or may not cry in bed because it’s disgusting and overwhelming.
So…………………. that’s MY life currently.
Any thought is distorted to whatever meaning the voice wants to give it.
So if I hear my father getting ready for work it’s automatically turned to disgusting vision of him. This has altered my relationship with my dad. Although I fake it and smile I don’t communicate with him as much as I use to for fear of seeing yet another gross vision or hearing another gross thought.
This then keeps me in a constant dialogue of defending the meaning of my thoughts. But at that point the damage is done. There is only so much “positive thinking” I can do to combat this and at this point I have to ignore it and know who I am as to not engage the VOICE anymore.
I’m unsure as the discrepancy between what I hear and see and feel. But my guess is that there is a main voice and the other entities I see are “workers” working on what I see and feel.
So ….. that’s all I have for today.