Energetic Bodies

So I took a photo of my body in a dim lit room like I do to see other things.

And I saw that my energetic (I think it is mine or it could be another being) had 3 holes in it. It looked almost a cavern. I saw a pair of eyes in one of the holes.

Then I remember in January a gang of 30 or more Geckos all shot me in my stomach and then my eating habits changed. I wrote about in my blog.

Then maybe 3 months later a male face came to me and removed a band of maybe 5 astral parasites but left one that I could still feel and later saw.

My assumption was that the astral parasites were covering or closing the holes that was caused by the attack in January.

Why they were taken away or I was attacked in the first place I am unsure.


“I’m leaving!” 🙄

“I’m leaving!”

“I’m never coming back!”

“I never want to see you again!”

“Go home!”

“There’s no room for you here!”

Ect, ect, ect……..

So this Demon Entity is always yelling about its going to leave me ….. “just wait for happy birthday!”. Always saying it will leave around my birthday. Or some holiday.

So I’m have a sense of false hope, so those dreams will be crushed. Maybe there is an a sliver of hope that it will leave around these holidays, or when it says it will, or when I went to healers. But it’s all a really terrible play with really really bad acting and a shitty /insane story line.

But I’m pretty set on wanting these demon to leave never being able to contact anyone in anyway ever again. All of them! Disgusting!

I’m trying to keep hope, faith….. those things that things will get better. But I don’t know if I am just tricking myself into a lie.

Must I become an addict to see the Jesus play? Worship Satan to have a good life? This shit sucks balls! Hairy balls, stinky balls, lop sided balls……. just sucks!

I’m stuck here just listening to things I DONT EVEN WANT TO REPEAT!!!! That’s how bad it is! It’s not just a worry or a “negative thought” like some chicks shirt is ugly……. this is like the most vile things I couldn’t even image and don’t want to!!!!

I have to find language to describe it with out repeating the exact vile thought word for word. There is no “just let the thoughts roll by” with this it makes me physically ill, it hurts it’s gross. And even if I try to stay strong for a long period of time I eventually break down cause I can’t hold all that disgusting thoughts in! I scream out for God! To take it away…….. and here it remains. It gets to live….. it gets to play…. dirty….. it rapes me ….. it violates me it tries to scare me it beats on my chest it loops the same thoughts over and over it shows me shit I don’t want repeat. It puppets my face and tries to make me micro express (energetic smile) happiness at the most vile events in the world…. it’s sick. GOD WHY IS IT ALIVE WHY IS IT HERE GOD!!!!!? WHY DOES IT EVEN EXIST?!!!!!!???

Kill it!!!!

Please God kill it!!!!

Proof I’m not totally crazy 😳

You have to zoom in on it or not have a white background.

This is just ONE of the many I see around me. The voice Entity kept saying it was my grandma and it made me sad cause I thought my grandma (recently passed) got sucked into their hell matrix but I soon grounded myself and know they lie about everything thing.

I rarely see human like faces more troll demon reptilian like heads. Writing I rarely understand.

I’m not sure what all of this is or why but it’s happening.

Does a Curse make you go to hell? 🔥☃️🔥

If someone or something cursed you or whatever do you automatically go to hell? Like even if you are a decent person?

Like what does it mean to be cursed?

All I see and hear and feel is damn near close to hell. And I have no idea why I would be cursed but there are bad people and beings that do unspeakable things.

But what does that mean ? Are we only cursed in this life or are we then dragged to hell by default because of the things we see and hear?

Idk what this all is. I am not afraid. But I’m kindaaaaaaa over it? I honestly don’t even have the attention span for this schizophrenic demonic reptilian incubus curse.

Appropriations in Spirituality 🤔

Is there a way to learn about the ancient or current spiritual or medical practices with out appropriating the culture but also giving it the acknowledgement it deserves?

As someone who sought assistance from many practitioners I found some that were new age (a meld of beliefs and practices), and those that practiced native or Indian or other indigenous systems. While I believe that we are all here to learn from one another, I wondered if the same symbols and ancestry was capable of being fully understood by an outsider.

How I see symbols as an American is totally different than say someone in another country.

I have seen others who have been able to take say practicing yoga and really bring a mission to it in their own way. Because their mission was genuinely to heal people in their communities. They don’t over do the whole yoga look or push concepts that are far beyond our reach but meet you where you are at for that moment in your life. Just come as you are, participate and community for that moment.

So I always wonder as the pot starts to meld. And westerns bring practices from afar (or local) to their business model where are the indigenous people located in all of this? Where are their business models?

How can we ensure the people of those practices are not erased by practitioners? Learning these practices are a gift from those cultures. How do we uplift them? These practices were born out of pain and necessity. How can it be applicable in capitalism? And does it loose something when not practiced or sought by those it is indigenous to or with in the confines of capitalism?

Where is the balance? And is it even effective?

I’m half blind, only privy to certain aspect but not others. I see and hear things that are pretty common, but I don’t know where it fits in the grand scheme of things.

Archon Communication 👽

I BELIEVE Archons (or whatever you want call them), communicate through our photos on social media (specifically).

Like little digital watermarks only they can see or notice. (Or a trained eye).

I see words and beings that make no sense to me. Many of the words in other languages.

That’s all I got.

Just a hypothesis.

What I SEE vs What I HEAR 👀👂🏼

I wonder ……

I see many entities, trolls, demons, aliens, reptilian, ducks (which is a new one), ghosts …. baby ghosts, skulls, banshees, mermaids, lions, geckos, praying mantis and the occasional huge centipede, dragons, cars, machines, LOTS of “flowers”/ attachment connectors. And this gizmo looking dude that rides around on a Lotus flower. All leaning the cartoon side.

Almost all of them have a straw that comes half way our their mouth. The flowers are ways to connect but I don’t know why.

I have seen a vision of a woman but when I concentrate on looking into the darkness of my eyes that “woman” turned into a Mantis that quickly removed itself from my view once I saw it.

Are all these “entities” what make up my imagination, visions (forced imagination), dreams. I can usually tell the difference between my own imagination or memory vs forced visions. Theirs are WAY brighter than mine. Like abnormally bright, and the theme is usually child abuse, sex, yup that’s pretty much the main ones.

So what I SEE and what I FEEL correlates. I have seen 30 Geckos shoot sparkles into my stomach no words (yes I know that’s fucking crazy) and then I had insatiable hunger, I see the clear fast jelly one that would make my body shake.

What I SEE and what I HEAR does not correlate. I’m threatened all day by this voice. There is 2 maybe 3 (2 males and an occasional female voice) I hear all kinds of sick shit about child abuse. The loud voice will talk about incest or rape with my father. Maybe forced visions of rape as I might wake up from hearing my dad leave for work.

Visions are like dreams with your eyes open. But they are not quiet the same as hallucinations. Hallucination (i.e. Blobs of energy, or a troll in my bathroom) I can walk around. Even if they are a bit 2D I can still walk around them meaning it’s in space not just my head.

So maybe visions and what I hear correlate. But what I SEE and hear does not. It’s like all of the 2D characters would have to be activated as players in a vision. But usually the mind will see human or maybe whatever this MAIN one wants me to see.

Only in my dreams has what I heard, felt and saw correlate and it was one of me being raped. And my butt actually hurt after.

What I HEAR and what I FEEL correlates. What I hear which is a main male voice that is loud (even when it whispers), that often mimics/parrots my ex (false twin flames) voice or “character”. This one seems like a ring leader and I guess is the one that’s in my head the most.

Often the main demon will try to make me feel like a pedophile if I see a child on TV. This will be a split second situation. Child on tv, I’m like “aw cute”, Entity will vibrate my vagina/root chakra.

If the Entity/demon/Voice feels extra mean today, it will say something disgusting or insinuating through a “forced vision” something disgusting. This happens all day. As much as I’ve locked myself in the house to avoid it. Children are in every commercial, my dad lives with me an Depending on the day I may or may not cry in bed because it’s disgusting and overwhelming.

So…………………. that’s MY life currently.

Any thought is distorted to whatever meaning the voice wants to give it.

So if I hear my father getting ready for work it’s automatically turned to disgusting vision of him. This has altered my relationship with my dad. Although I fake it and smile I don’t communicate with him as much as I use to for fear of seeing yet another gross vision or hearing another gross thought.

This then keeps me in a constant dialogue of defending the meaning of my thoughts. But at that point the damage is done. There is only so much “positive thinking” I can do to combat this and at this point I have to ignore it and know who I am as to not engage the VOICE anymore.

I’m unsure as the discrepancy between what I hear and see and feel. But my guess is that there is a main voice and the other entities I see are “workers” working on what I see and feel.

So ….. that’s all I have for today.

Shade | The Magicians: What I See 😱

” Shades are the part of the soul that makes people process complex emotions like love and pain…”
— Read on themagicians.wikia.com/wiki/Shade

At the height I was seeing beings with big holes in their chest. They seemed like temporary versions of a larger being (usually humanism). Like fractal that constantly are being birthed and consumed of themselves (makes no sense, it’s the only way I can describe it).

Some had holes there some had a smaller being in their chest.

When I heard about “Shade” in the series the Magicians, it kind of reminded me of the beings with a hole in their chest. (See the “shadeless” section of the link.)

I still don’t know all of what I see. I just know I see it. And there seems to be many different names and many different explanations.

This also goes back to my previous post that “what’s so wrong with being human?” Divinity and Humanness.

It seems not until our emotions are manipulated, disregarded that they perpetuate the cycle of pain.

But who the fuck am I? Hmm? Some doe eyed young buck with a foul mouth that’s only been on the earth 35 years technically 36 if you count womb incubation.

So is this the underworld? Overworld? I mean bravo on the spooky haunted house hell display.

And no one has answers?

I love earth and Gods work……. But seriously fuck this matrix.

Cells Squeak And Sparkle ✨

When I stretch I can hear my cells squeak.

Especially in my root chakra area and my chest neck ears.

When I look I can not see the full figure. But the energetic shadow and the space jelly like blob around it. It sparks these tiny little barely noticeable sparks and would look like dust otherwise when they are looked at.

It doesn’t like to be noticed or looked at.

It hurts as well. Feels tight.

It’s either causes or attaches to pain.

I feel a pain in my chest. I can see the pain attached to the outside of my chest.

Sometimes I will wiggle my hips like a snake and hear the squeaking of my cells with the energy and then notice a release in my nose or head. I can then breathe for a moment or relax from the tension in my head.

It’s constant although it has lessened since the beginning.

Some people have told me this is “kundalini” but a guru of sorts said it was not. Just like they told me I am not a twin flame. Said I am a light worker, I can tell you for sure I am not.

So every time I look for a path, although this mimics all of them I am told this is not it. And that is fine.

What mimics every spiritual pathway and yet is not it?

Awakening and Rites of Passage

What is the difference between secret societies and say spiritual communities.

My mind rolled through so many things. Mainly culture and consent.

Much of what I know from like secret society there is a level of consent that is broken. Usually Hazing. But in spiritual communities a person is prepared through teachings for a journey.

I had both and neither. No spiritual meme on the internet could have prepared me for awakening, no scripture for the hazing of schizophrenia.

I guess not until you are actually there. And by then ……. preparation doesn’t matter.

If one no longer consents to their awakening or cultural “rite of passage” does it stop it? Do you even have that right? What happens after? Do our journeys become less rich because we wanted to tell our own stories?

Is wisdom only experienced?

I am saddened by how much value we give pain in our society. “No pain no gain” “sacred wounds” I have even heard the term “sacred abuse”.

Pain happens so much in this body. To the point we learn to overlook the pain. We can say the same thing for collective body as a people. Humanity.

We overlook our pain. The times when things were not ok but we just kept going. We didn’t address it out of fear, or properly treat it.

So when will our rites of passage be the one where we get to tell OUR stories. Actually tell our stories. Free of reactions to your pain inflicted.

Beyond reckoning or reconciliation.

True creators.