I am so FUCKED πŸ˜₯

I have no idea what to do right now.

I am seeing the same demon that was on me, on my sister that I know caused her stroke before it got to me……… so ONE thing IS confirmed is these demons can jump from one person to the other. That’s double confirmed for me.

When I actually try to address my schizophrenia or migraines medication this demon jumped to my twin sister who has health issues because she was a premie.

So when I try to “raise my stupid fucking miserable vibes” and try to elevate they literally attach to my sister or stay by her bed sipping on her human juices or whatever it they do to either of us. And that doesn’t mean I’m left alone. That just means I’m left alone by the one that feels like death. The others ones still go in and out and switch off on my body and use parasitic toys and tools to mess with my body.

So this is a fucked up situation. Raising vibration and energy and all that stuff is not what people think it is. Like you can literally get your shit ripped open matter how good your day way or if you’re eating organic or gmo. If that Demonic alien wants to fuck your ass up that’s what’s gonna happen. There are no mantras or binaural beats, or amount of positive thinking that will make it go away.

That is a cognitive, conscious decision that, that being must make on it’s on. I can’t change these beings. Even if it seems like it in one area it’s a lie in another. I don’t have super powers. I will not disillusion myself and say I have any. I can see them like any regular degular ass human can see a ghost, or shadow people, or sparkles or flashes or all the other crazy stuff. I just studies the photos for a while. STUDIED. Which is not super powers.

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!! Other than like tell my family to like move to the middle of the desert or something. And even then!!!!! These things travel!!! So like I’m going to be stalked all my like by a fucking praying mantis, aliens, a reptilians, an army of gecko, trolls and demons? Like What the actual fuck?

You know they got cars? I don’t even got a car…… freaking crazy.

I don’t know what to do! I did what I was suppose do. Try to get better! Medically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically all that stuff, I took their pills to get better, I did the salt baths, whatever and now boom if I try to do good for myself this piece of shit pedophile Demonic alien ass face is going to then go harass my sister.

Now that my sister is involved. And they outwardly threatened my sister for the first time and I put all the pieces together and got confirmation…. I’m not sure what to do anymore.

It’s bleak. Committing suicide doesn’t ensure my sister’s safety if all they wanted was me dead. It doesn’t ensure that I won’t hear their nasty asses anymore. Leaving I’m not sure if it will ensure either of our safety. I’m not sure if it’s just me or if I am picking things up from other people as I become more open. And I’m not sure if becoming more open is a good or a bad thing. But I know it weakened me. I now realize I was taken medication and I thought it worked but it wasn’t…. and they were just acting.

So what actually works?

They are psychos. They feel justified in their actions.

Advertisements

These Demons Gave My Sister a Stroke

Something told me they did. I couldn’t prove it. In 2016 when I started hearing voices 24/7. It was almost night and day. Like soon as it became 2016 BOOM voices 24/7.

I was trying to understand what was happening to me, who sent this voodoo to me ….. why was I hearing my ex’s voice EVERY WHERE….. seeing his name. Then BOOM right before our birthday my twin sister had a STROKE. Too young for a stroke.

I was devastated, I started drinking , I would come home after work and drink and cry all night about my sister in her room. And this was after crying for like 6 months after a breakup.

Then maybe once my sister came back home and I quit my job. I started feeling super heavy. I started getting dizzy every time I sat up. Especially when I would quickly sit up to help take care of my sister. I thought it was the stress. I had perfect blood pressure all my life even in the psyche ward. So a couple months in I started just feeling IT.

I mean I felt the “schiz” stuff before or the Entity rape…. burns head pressure…. but this was different.

I felt sick and worried.

So I got schiz, my sister had a stroke, my mom had a heart attack all in the same year. And I only started seeing how these Entities work in 2017. How they attach to the body where what why ….. so I’m really over this.

Even as I write this they attacked me started almost making me pass out with heavy energy. I can only imagine what that would do to someone who is older or not in best of health.

I mean even my health is deteriorating because of this experience. But they don’t care. They just want to make it so someone commit suicide or oops I killed them in a stroke or a heart attack because I sat on their forehead and suffocated their brain or plopped my dark heavy ass energy on their heart. Oops!

I hate them sooooooo much!

When that Entity came to me after I told it to come out of my sisters room and I felt that sick energy the same that my sister said she felt a few days before……. I just knew….. it was confirmation……… I’m pissed I’m angry…… I thought there was some sort of law or code they couldn’t hurt anyone but apparently there isn’t.

So fuck them!

UPDATE: also after my sister’s stroke my sister went blind in her left eye.

Upon observation of my own body I’ve often had a rod or flower or overlay on my eyes with a heavy focus on my left eye to the point of pain. I even got my eyes checked out in the beginning. Everything was fine. Not sure now. Because I started actually seeing stuff in 2017. But the lights and flashes and whatever is in my eye that maybe allows me to see this light frequency HURTS. And then I wonder if it allows them to see like us.

Not sure if it’s a direct connection to my sister but I’m just saying.

I keep seeing these black sparkles bigger and bigger more and more and I just wonder if my sight is going to go away one day because all of this activity that’s constantly happening on me.

Spiritual Suffering πŸ˜₯

Shared with me from a fb forum on spiritual suffering:

Try and read it a few times.

Suffering Teaching

Hebrew word for suffer is “yagah”: grieve/AFFLICTED/torment

Greek word for suffer is “pascho” from word “penthos” which means sorrow/mourning/grief

Afflicted in Hebrew is “Ani” which means oppressed

Afflicted in Greek is “kakopatheia” which means suffering(experience of evil)/PERSEVERANCE

Kakopatheia: to experience affliction that seems bad (miserable) from an earthly perspective but in actuality is sent by God to accomplish His greater (eternal) purpose!! ❀❀❀

WHEW!!!! THAT’S AMAZING!!!!

Luke 24:46

“Thus it is written, and thus it was necessary for the Christ to SUFFER and to rise from the dead on the third day”

Romans 8:15

“And if children, then heirs-heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we SUFFER with Him, that we may also be glorified together”

Suffering with Christ, for Christ. ❀

Philippians 1:29

“For to you it has been granted on behalf of Christ, not only to believe in Him, but also to SUFFER for His sake”

No one wants to truley suffer, but suffering for Christ and His Gospel is different.

Many in early church viewed martydom as a high calling and spiritual gift through which God would be made known.

Martyr: a person who is killed or suffers greatly for a religion

1 Peter 2:20

“For what credit is it if, when you are beaten for your faults, you take it patiently? But when you do good and SUFFER, if you take it patiently this is commendable before God”

Christ is the perfect example for everything in life-including the reality of “SUFFERING” and the Christian “response” to it. He endured and did not retaliate verbally, but did what was right!!!

1 Peter 2:21

“For to this you were called, because Christ also SUFFERED for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps”

Suffering wrongfully is commendable in God’s eyes.

1 Peter 3:17

“For it is better, if it is the will of God, to SUFFER for doing good than doing evil”

1 Peter 4:15

“But let none of you SUFFER as a murderer, a theif, an evil doer, or as a busybody in other people’s matters”

SUFFER=Blessings

Proof???

1 Peter 3:14

“But even if you should SUFFER for righteousness’ sake, you are BLESSED”

1 Peter 4:1

“Therefore, since Christ SUFFERED for us in the flesh, arm yourselves also with the same mind, for he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin”

If God’s people live according to His Word, they will not suffer as evil-doers but for their good conduct.

Because Jesus suffered for us and is sovereign, Christians should approach SUFFERING with “the same mind” (attitude/perspective) that He had-enduring it willingly and looking beyond the SUFFERING to God’s purpose.

God’s people will never “cease from sin” in this life, but SUFFERING for the sake of Christ has purifying effects and can increasingly free believers from sins power so that they may “live… for the will of God” rather than their own priorities.

Suffering should be expected for those who follow Christ. ❀❀❀

No matter what reason for suffering, God does use it-sometimes as discipline as it is written in Hebrews 12:5-11.

Here is a list of a few of God’s purposes of why He allows suffering

1. To train us in obedience (Hebrews 5:7-8

2. To produce patience (Romans 5:3)

3. To prevent pride (2 Corinthians 12:7-9)

4. To teach His ways (Psalms 119:65-75)

5. To prepare us to comfort others (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

6. To prove us

1 Peter 5:10

“But may the God of all grave, who called us to His eternal by Christ Jesus, after you have SUFFERED a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you”

Peter concluded by reminding readers that their sufferings are temporary and will serve to “perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle” them.

There is no shortcut to character, no detour around difficulty.

Hebrews 12:5-11

“And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as sons: ‘My son, do not despise the CHASTENING of the Lord, nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him; for whom the LORD loves He CHASTENS, and scourges every son whom He receives’. If you endure CHASTENING, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not CHASTEN? But if you are without CHASTENING, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live? For they indeed for a few days CHASTENED us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness. Now no CHASTENING sems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been TRAINED by it”

As one “endures” we should consider Christ (the Christians hope and greatest example of one who willingly obeyed God during suffering)

A lack of suffering is not a sign of favor but of illegitimacy. God, Our Father, does not allow His children to go about their business unchanged. Like a good parent, He disciplines His sons and daughters because He loves them deeply.

Training, discipline, and corrections are painful, but not permanent. God’s CHASTENING is the only sure way to obtain the peaceable fruit of righteousness.

CHASTEN:

Hebrew word: “yasar”: to discipline/correct

Greek word: “paideuo”: discipline/EDUCATE/train

“Paideuo” from word “pais” which means (a child under development with strict training)

❀❀❀

SUFFERING/CHASTENING

-educates

-corrects

-disciplines

-trains

Thus says the Lord!!!

His Divine plan. His perfect plan!!

As I suffer I am blessed with the fruits of His Spirit.

I am honored to suffer knowing that I’m now obedient to my Lord God Almighty.

Thank you!!!

Shalom

Into words …. πŸ“ Sunken Place

I’m rarely the type that doesn’t know how I feel or why or have something to say about it.

My friend wants me to be a twin flame and says I am and I don’t think I am a twin flame or a light worker or a 144k (from the Bible) or any of that. I don’t feel awakened or enlightened. I’m just a partially possessed woman who is pissed off she experienced this.

So thinking about being “post” all these spiritual labels that seem to take the focus off of God I started to cry I couldn’t but I’m trying to find the words of how I felt. Embarrassed and sad, longing knowing none of the super powers will “awaken” my “twin flame” will never come back all the stories that got WAY the fuck out of control and the Entities took advantage of my naivety I just feel embarrassed and sad.

So while some of this was harmless at first it’s not helping now. The only thing that brings me some hope and joy is that the heavens (astral/ethers) will be destroyed and created a new as it says in revelations. It has to be true…. this has gone on for too long. And as much as I just wanted to enjoy life through Gods love, if God is not pleased with me I have no choice. I have begged for forgiveness, all I can do is hope it gets better for others.

It was such a strange cry, I’m sure these demons are drinking my tears as a mid night snack. I tried not to cry today….. but it happened. I know my mistakes….. this is the first time I haven’t been able to move forward to correct them.

So I’m just stuck…… in this sunken place with these Entities. And I just don’t know what to do in the time I wait. I feel like crap mostly so my attention is on that.

I don’t know if God is an ACTUAL entity like these fools. Ya know? Like I don’t know. I know humans give God such human attributes. And I can’t say I KNOW. But do I have to to give thanks?

So no BOOM super powers for enduring this pain….. that is an illusion, no twin flame return cause it’s bs ….. no enlightenment although I have a bunch of info I could have done with out. All is a distraction from God and my happiness. But I don’t know how to get back.

BIG SIGH πŸ˜”

https://youtu.be/P94ZXqIATy4

False Light: Marked

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Revelation+13&version=KJV&interface=amp

—————

I read revelations for the first time and unfortunately it made sense to me in a different way. Even though the Entity kept trying to say I was the slithering whore the whole time (one reason why is difficult to read the Bible) πŸ™„. And then there is so much imagery that that also gets difficult.

I mean as I have been opened to the a reality of astral/ and Demi urges or whatever you want to call it 4D or demons/ fallen angels/ false gods ….. much of the war seems to be in the “heavens” but of course we are affected. We are apart of it as well.

I never new evil was SO real. Like I thought there was like bad and evil people like Hitler or something. But it’s so much deeper what takes over humans. I thought monsters were just of the imagination.

But revelations says there will be a new heaven and that makes me happy. I told these demons all their toys were going to be taken away.

It also talks about men having the mark of the beast on their forehead and I know for a FACT these beings are always on my forehead (I have photos). So I guess I’m marked which kinda makes me sad, cause I know I messed up but I didn’t think it was that bad. They are on my forehead and in my eyes and on my hands and in my heart and tummy and genitals and they wiggle my toes…. they are in my home on my walls …. under my bed…. in my bathtub…….. I saw the white mist enter my home and I had hoped it was help…. my prayers answered…. but it was just more astrals setting up my house.

I don’t know anything….. I’m just describing what I’m going through.

But it was deep. The Entity voice is always bringing up my mistakes and asking me if I what I think about this or that. Then asks me about child abusers….. and my answer is always no. And I know I’m not suppose to judge it’s not for me to but if you ask me it’s a no. It’s fucked up and ruins lives.

Either way I hate this. All of it. I try to “stay positive” and be like aww look at the cute little demons and not judge them on how they look but how they treat me ………. but I hate it ….. all of it always.

And I’m not use to worshipping God from a place of fear but of thanks. Fear of going to hell or being sucked up in this Demonic matrix. But of thanks…… so I’m just trying to stay true to me and what feels right to me…. which that doesn’t.

I guess it was deep for me.

Radio Silence: False Acturians in Astrals

So my parents are away and I decided to turn off all the TVs, and cut off all the fans AND any other ambient noises (radio clocks).

I heard less voices and ONE voice…… and maybe a distant scream. Then the voices got SUPER MEAN like they became WAY more physical as I was trying to sleep I noticed a huge migraine (even though I took my migraine meds), anxiety in my body and a racing thoughts so I acknowledged them and tried to just breathe then the voices/ Entities started making me feel ill….. if not actually thumping my heart.

Then I saw this bitch come down into my third eye and give me a dream ….. one moment it’s about BeyoncΓ© the next it turns into my father raping me AGAIN!!!!! And then I cussed them out in my dream calling them a piece of shit and then they start pounding on my heart…… and then how I now KNOW that shit is not just my heart acting up is that they started thumping my neck and I woke up.

This all happened in an hour and a half of sleep. So I didn’t even get to sleep.

All because they didn’t have voices to play off of with all from the TV and radios. Pieces of shit. I swear I’m going to disintegrate them.

Fucking assholes.

This bitch down here said she’s Acturian. Said she “test before I sit”. This bitch needs to find another seat. This is just one drawing but there are other forms. If this bitch has anything to do with any of this she can not possibly be Acturian. And no she can not sit or mount or anything. Gross piece of shit Entity.

These Demonic Astral parasitic Entities are getting really desperate.

Stockholm Syndrome: Falling in love with abuser.

So one thing I noticed when the Entities “moved on” or was trying to transition the topic of my false twin flame, was when I would see a reptilian like Entity with the body of say my ex (muscular) and the face of a reptilian. The Entity would try to make it seem like I was turned on by the Reptilian as I observed the outlines trying to make out what I was looking at. As everything else that’s NOT a turn on it would connect to my vagina and create a buzzing sensation to make it seem as if it is. (YOU HAVE NO IDEA how tired I am of raping and touching my vagina all day every day for 2.5 years!)

It wants to pervert love, God and all things good. Our good nature, or protective nature, our truth seeking nature.

I am tired of trying to make pain look beautiful. We romanticize our pain, create beauty out of torture in hopes that it might be less painful for another, and that our testimony is the end that chapter of pain painted with water colors of understanding that we picked out to say I survived.

But it’s still pain. It should be. It’s the whisper in an ear that turns a head to look at another a think they want to hurt them. To cause pain. It’s the feeling that we think we deserve this pain. To perpetuate pain. And essentially it is a lie.

I refuse to be in love with my abuser (these Demonic astral beings) or the idea of being abused. That “pain brings awareness” or some other lame excuse to perpetuate pain and lies.

Between “Dark” and “Light” πŸŒ“

The funny thing is that…… hmm ……

When I see astral Entities in the 3D realm there has to be a certain amount of light and darkness.

With my eyes I can see and outline or a ripple in space but usually not the whole form. Only on occasion and I never know why. Maybe closer to when I awake or go to sleep as that’s when brain waves change. My assumption.

I can better see them in photos as I can follow the lines a bit easier and examine but rarely with the naked eye.

I thought about this card in the tarot deck. A card reader said she wanted to speak to me and gave me a reading. This card came up and the woman asked me if I know what the bandages meant I originally said “protection” I guess I thought my world was being “opened up” to all these entities and I thought covering my eyes was a way to not see it.

But today I realized the bandages were …. are actually the matrix that is binding. It is the illusion. I was/am just so IN IT that I thought I was being opened to a another world. That this world was an illusion and what was happening to me would reveal another world …… maybe a better one πŸ˜₯.

So I can physically see the Entities that continue to bind me today between darkness and the light.

In a way the same it is a metaphor for my believes. While I believe in God, it was somewhere in the balance of observing darkness and light that I was able to say “hmm that does make sense”. These Entities play off your beliefs, if you are occult they will play off that if you’re fundamentally Christian or religious they will claim God and condemn you, if you are atheist or believe it’s a government …… they will act as military or aliens….. new age they will act as angels and spirit guide kundalini Awakening ……. and maybe it’s everything and none of it at all but the one underlying truth I found with them is pain and lies.

Not sticking to one belief and observing I saw how these particular Entities switched up the story on me so many times in a short period of time. Twin flame, Im Isis reincarnated, past lives, Then god condemning me then Satan then, then alien reptilians, the the list can go on and on.

So…… yea. I don’t subscribe to duality. I’m done with their games, and I pray my assumptions are wrong. But there are definitely levels to the sleep and I pray that everyone awakes from this slumber gently and peacefully.

#nomorelies

Pretty Awakening 🌿🌷🌿

I wish I had a pretty “Awakening”, if that is what you would call this….. I call it a curse. Others they call it ascension or weakening or kundalini or dark night of the soul or plain ol schizophrenia or Demonic possession.

So many names for the event in which I life crumbles and it seems as if our mind and body has turned against us.

Why isn’t it pretty? Aside from the sparkles and flashes of light and curiosity…… everything else has been a living nightmare.

Where one woman spoke about “being overwhelmed with the power of God” that she and a room full of people started a spontaneously orgasming. I on the other hand saw it as spiritual rape. Every day all day. I hate it……… it’s embarrassing. It doesn’t feel God like it feels violating like you can’t pick my toe or my thigh?

I wish my Awakening looked like inspiration at least if not joy. Like a friend. Like meaning.

Instead it’s just been one long nightmare. Like isolation. Like confusion and lies. Like pain.

Some people say “you need to hit rock bottom” or “you need to nothing to appreciate what you have” bla bla actually I don’t think you need to go to those painful extremes in order to be grateful.

Some would even say be grateful for the blessing or the lesson. But this experience has been neither. It’s pointless mindless waste of time. All this “it will make sense in time”. Or maybe we will tell ourselves some lie to make us feel better that some fucked up shit happened to us.

I’m not with it. None of it makes sense and yet I’m kinda forced to try and understand these concepts to some degree because I’m smack dab in a “spiritual attack” or whatever. And it sucks.

Some say it could be worse I say don’t invalidate me and it could be a WHOLE LOT BETTER!

So who gets the pretty Awakening? The lightworker pretty light show with friendly angels and bla bla bla? Cause I have yet to experience that for myself. Maybe 1 or 2 times but again at this point I’m not sure what’s what and any experience now is suspect.

I see black flashes energy snapping in and out of my view, I hear it, feel it. It sounds like a fuse blowing like a light went out. And I suffer the consequences of living in this body.

This shit suck forever and always and I’m over it. I’m tired of seeing alien dinosaur gecko reptilian or trolls or demons or these black hair ball energy. Morphing faces creeping up on people in and photos and on people’s clothes and I’m just like what the fuck is going on?!? And I am not the only one who sees it but I’m the only one around me that does. And it’s pointless and annoying and distracting.

Every morning I wake up to being raped in that moment between dreams and telling yourself to wake up. It SUCKS!

Why does “Awakening” feel like being put asleep on ice? Is this more of the joke of opposite world?!?

I just want this to be over there is no point to this.

Duality and “Opposite World” πŸŒ“

A common theme that seems to play both in the “spiritual” and “occult” but also with in the mental health community and maybe most visible among schizophrenics is duality.

Dark vs Light

Good vs Bad

Truth vs Lies

Reality vs Illusions

I called it “opposite world” because this is how the Entity debased my reality. They would try to convince me that my ex loved me and this was a special connect but then say or do the opposite. And my ex wouldn’t say anything keeping radio silent. Hey wouldn’t say he did or didn’t love me leaving me as sacrifice to these Entities.

They would also say or try to convince me I was a child molester and then say “opposite” and that’s when I had to stop the car and get the fuck out and figure out where the fuck I am cause things where getting out of hand.

In our own minds we have a moral compass (most of us anyway), and to then have attempts made to convince us of the opposite we question. I think questioning HUH? Is natural in the beginning, believing we were bad people in a past life. Or even good people. The unknown is always an easy way to manipulate….. because truth is pretty simple.