Love as an Offering

I’ve continuously traded one wound for the other.

Trying to learn to do this for myself. 🌿


Creating Spaces: My Magic

So this popped up on my timeline from 2014. Prior to being attack. I have always had an installation arts. I love the idea of having “adult” spaces that brings out the inner child like wonderment. Where you can just be. Or not be.

I also was able to practice this a little bit running a farmers market. There were parameters to it but essentially it was about creating a fun, cultural, family like atmosphere around health.

We had live music, dance classes, cooking classes, gardening classes, tours, contests, giveaways, volunteering. Every Saturday you knew you were going to see a familiar and kind face. A friend. That was part of the magic, the give and the take. The interaction. People left with a bag full of beautiful organic vegetables but also left with memories …. skills…. feeling good.

So I always thought about these things in a grounded ways. I spent long nights before our 8am opening to make sure everything was perfect. That people were going to have a good time and those who were performing (vendors, artists, chefs, interns) had all the tools to do so.

Magic takes work. But it’s worth the memory.

I’m still interested in installation arts. But requires money space. I’ve already priced out one installation and it would cost a lot. Although when I’m not being harassed (rarely) I will mull over more cost effective materials but again with out going too far from my original dream. Mine. No one else’s.



It’s a great passion of mine. Especially after working on issues in this world where people and corporations are so ugly and greedy. You just need some beauty in your life.

Some day when these Entities leave.

On Energy Vamps

“The Vamps replicate positive attributes from the light of their victims, copycatting and broadcasting a false image of awareness while simultaneously draining them privately. In order to do this, they have to replicate and mirror back to the Gnostic that they are like you, that they are on the same spiritual path as you except that they are not. They are copying and projecting the infinity mirror within the enlightened being in order to trap and feed.” – Joshua Anderson


There are so many ways to look at this situation. And almost all fit. But none have remedied the situation thus yet.

So one could pick any way of speaking about this pain. Mine just happens to speak back and doesn’t shit the fuck up. Many paths are available. I can’t say which is wrong or right. I would assume the one of least harm.

Trying to keep my calm and 0 point clear thought (me) and a forgiving self at least not blaming anyone in my life for this cause I can’t prove that and I don’t know for sure and it doesn’t matter now. All that matters is healing.

Awakening and Rites of Passage

What is the difference between secret societies and say spiritual communities.

My mind rolled through so many things. Mainly culture and consent.

Much of what I know from like secret society there is a level of consent that is broken. Usually Hazing. But in spiritual communities a person is prepared through teachings for a journey.

I had both and neither. No spiritual meme on the internet could have prepared me for awakening, no scripture for the hazing of schizophrenia.

I guess not until you are actually there. And by then ……. preparation doesn’t matter.

If one no longer consents to their awakening or cultural “rite of passage” does it stop it? Do you even have that right? What happens after? Do our journeys become less rich because we wanted to tell our own stories?

Is wisdom only experienced?

I am saddened by how much value we give pain in our society. “No pain no gain” “sacred wounds” I have even heard the term “sacred abuse”.

Pain happens so much in this body. To the point we learn to overlook the pain. We can say the same thing for collective body as a people. Humanity.

We overlook our pain. The times when things were not ok but we just kept going. We didn’t address it out of fear, or properly treat it.

So when will our rites of passage be the one where we get to tell OUR stories. Actually tell our stories. Free of reactions to your pain inflicted.

Beyond reckoning or reconciliation.

True creators.

Soul Mate: Marriage πŸ’

So my soul mate of 5 years (not false twin flame)……. I always thought we were going to get married. I mean it wasn’t like a big deal there was no pressure.

As most young couples we test the waters of home life and the first day he moved in he said “we married now” I said “oh real!? Where’s the ring!?” He said , “it’s called RENT!” We both laughed I was shocked at his boldness, slight disrespect but that shit was funny and real.

It’s rough out here in NYC. We would lay in bed and dream about what our wedding day would look like and as queer couple we never thought it would be recognized by the state so it didn’t matter. I would be the white peacock and I would design his suit made from the intricate design patterns on a peacock. Also it’s ties to Ochun and incorporating it into the table settings and into the wedding cake.

But after he had a car accident and I carried us through financial, once he got better he wanted to be polyamorous again and I didn’t want to hold him back.

I said it was me or poly and I could mentally deal with being poly at the time. And he chose poly. I was upset but I was ok. I think the amount of love we shared made it easy to let go. It hurt. But that was the only person I thought I would ever marry and maybe the only person I’ve dated that I’ve trust. lol And I still got my heart broke.

I’m glad we remained friends. I didn’t know how to explain to someone I was currently dating about an ex (soul mate) I was unsure of or if it was even an obligation. We had broken up about 2 years prior and still would see each other here and there at an art event and shared a phone plan at the time cause it was cheaper.

Either way I’m glad we stayed friends. I value both the time we shared and him being in my life. I recently took a huge step back with with him because of the schizophrenia, I didn’t want to feel like a burden. I mean nothing has changed. I want to enjoy the time I have with my friends at this point to be better. But I don’t know if I will ever reach that point. But I’m not in a place to be totally objective.

Well at least I don’t think I’m Isis reincarnated and I’m suppose to commit suicide to obtain a new vessel to have another life with my twin flame (false) Osiris. It’s been a long way. A painful one.

Dr. Phil: Twin Flames πŸ˜³

Sheila says that when the love of her life, Simon, said goodbye, he claimed he was going away for a few days but promised to return with flowers in a limousine.
β€” Read on


I was initiated into this hell hole through the concept Twin Flame.

It was after a break up. It was with a man I lost a lot of confidence with and made me feel really insecure for the first time. So I was an easy target at the time. But these entities were still able to convince me that maybe all these insecurities were because of love and my hang ups and not because he just plain old didn’t like me and we didn’t work out. They even convinced me they were telepathic communication with him and sounded just like him.

Some commonality with her case was the constant obsession but keeping him away. Using music “as a form of communication”, saying there was a “bet” for a large sum of money involved or a large sum of money involved. And that some how death was involved (i.e. Forcing me into suicide for my “twin flame”).

So where does this all come from?

I mean ……….. I’ve heard some things but the actual application of it to my life is another thing. How these Entities applied it to my life were well deadly. Still are.

I mean even though I am over the “twin flame” I STILL to this day have to hear about this man (my ex). To the point where I’m like “can you please leave this man alone?” I’m tired of hearing about him.

But who came up with the twin flame rules? And how do these Entites know how to play? Like the money part?

Maybe twin flames in another dimension are the most amazing love, here they are not. If anything they show signs of if a incubus of demonic hold. No one should be running around in circles like that. I lost a lot since my twin flame experience. And yea I could be all “I’m grateful” but…… I got shit to do and this was not it.

I feel bad she went through this. It’s embarrassing. Now they are going to drug her to make her more presentable. But I still believe there is a spiritual health issue underlying. I just don’t know how to address it permanently.

Just moment to moment. Day to day.

I don’t know if these Entities go away permanently. Although I would like to think so.

I know myself just as I am writing to you honestly. But these Entities are another bag of beans.

It’s sad but I’m trying to keep faith that through fierce honesty and communication and compassion we can start to heal.

Responsibility In Healing πŸ’š

How can I be responsible for myself as well as my loved ones during my own healing process?

Reptilian Demons Archon Curses are like ticks and I think they can jump or activate others. So if they are not playing you directly they can or will use another unawakened or unknowing soul to trigger you.

So with my family, I mean we already been through what I hope is the worst of this. Of course there is like life stuff but 2016 was WTF like a curse on 3 generations. And for some reason I feel like it was my fault but I don’t know why.

So I have been trying to heal myself through modern medicine, raw diet, science based research and data, intuition, healing arts as well as good old fashion prayer. But I’m never sure if I’m doing the right thing or who to trust and all I have is my intuition to go on with the information that I come across.

But I also feel an obligation to my family. It’s like a rock and a hard place. If I leave will they be better? Am I being selfish? But I want to be there for them but mainly I wanted to just enjoy being with my family no obligations.

Either way we have a problem.

How can we heal ourselves while still being compassionate and accountable to those we love?

How the Universe Works

Well at least this universe.

So when you go to the beach and a swim and then hang out in the sun this is what’s happening on the highest level I guess.

This is why a nice HOT salt bath are encouraged during a possession as well. I believe baking soda can work as well not 100% sure.

I’m a nerd told you I like the science behind the “myth” or practice.

I heard this tid bit from a show my dad was watching called “how the universe works”.

PS. You have to be SUPER hydrated when you take salt baths alkaline foods or electrolytes I would assume cause you will get super dizzy.

alkaline: lemons, teas, anything green.

Electrolytes: nuts, bananas, oats, sport drinks.

Just to be safe.

I was always told 3 days in a row but it never seemed enough.

Earth Abduction 🌎


Abductions don’t happen off of earth any more. They happen on earth.

Another “dimension” or a matrix is placed over the persons electo-magnetic field. So you then have a false reality or a false spiritual awakening.

These are not spiritual awakenings.

These are abductions and attempts at pseudo possessions aka mind control or worse case scenario a false flag.

An “abductees” electro magnetic field, surface of body and organs are penetrated with what most know as Archons. Archons are round semi flat disc that can move around. They are bio technology. These Archons can project images, become portals, and build settings of sorts like a false chakra system.

They are toys and bio technology weaponry. Very few limits to what this can do. Now I have seen Reptilians projected at my field but I have not seen them actually. I have actually seen a little alien head in my house and I smacked him out my sick sisters room with a bible. Wasn’t too happy about that.

So I’m not sure if the tiny little greys are actually working for reptilians or it’s bullshit torture brogan they hide behind. Because there seems to be so many layers to the lie. Do reptilians even exist on this planet or are they being projected as an overlay system?

Do the greys just ensure that the Archon Bio Technology is working properly like maintenance dudes? Cause they seem to be walking among us, but the reptilians seem to be attacking from another dimension which is fucked up.

Emery from outside is involved as well so there is energy/”entity” entering my home from outside and attacking from outside like they found a loophole by not entering but letting there tenticals get in here.

I’m trying to understand this all from inside the illusion and confusion. So I am open to being wrong. But this is what I am seeing. I just want to be better. And I just cussed out ol’ grey alien dude out for trying to call me fucking lazy. Which sparked this post so. Whatever.

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