Look with in?

I have been sitting here with all of these spiritual concepts and yet none have worked.

2 years of “looking with in” and almost in a meditative state and I haven’t seen “with in” just all these demons that are outside of me.

So it’s confusing. Anything to glitzy and glamour I will also assume it’s just a demon. Shit I even think dreams are made by demons at this point.

So what exactly am I looking for?

I know I want a solution to this Demonic problem. Some answers would be nice. But to say I know ….. I don’t.

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Faith vs Religion 🙏🏼

So part of me wants to be a moon loving, sun soakin, crystal wearing, incense burning, horoscope reading, nature hippy dippy weirdo.

And then the other part of me wants to be a devoted Christian so that God loves me back. Because apparently burning sage and doing yoga conflicts with faith.

I try not to let the internet and the vast interpretation of religion and bible get to me.

But someone said God looks after his children. And while I know on the material plane I have been fortune to make it to 35 years. But on the spiritual plane I have not been so fortunate.

I can’t say it was because of this or that. But I can’t seem to wrap my head around why I am being attacked. Some say kundalini, some said I’m a budding light worker, a twin flame or one of the 144k that the Bible speaks of and NONE of that has helped me nor seems to apply to why I am being attacked on the “spiritual plane” to the point I must fear for my life.

And it’s not really the “spiritual plane” if others can see them in a photo or if my body is being physically attacked to the point I must go to the emergency.

The post on Facebook says God takes care of his children. And I just wonder why I am left to be raped in every sense of the word by demons?

I guess I am not “blessed and highly favored” or one of God children or the elect “chosen ones” people keep trying to fill my head with.

This doesn’t make me a piece of shit.

I’m just not that. Doesn’t mean I’m gonna go run and pray to some goat God. But all I see is crazy shit. I feel of sound mind and body. But I just hear and feel and see the craziest shit. And THAT’S as if living in THIS world wasn’t crazy enough. We gotta add a layer of hell with reptilian whatever raping me over it.

I don’t know what to do anymore.

Celibacy Blues 💙

So since these Entities haves constantly shown or enacted every disgusting perversion on me I gave up on a dating life.

I thought that if I remained “pure” i.e. Not have sex out wedlock I could dissolve these perverse demons but they have only grown stronger. And the not having sex out of wedlock is not even ME it’s from an outside source. I.e. The Bible and society slut shaming. I am more concerned with not having sex IN AND WITH LOVE. Which was way more difficult than I thought it would be once I enter the heteronormative world.

But the perversion of these Entities continue if not intensify with my efforts to rid them from all of my bodies.

I assume my “astral body” is possessed. Some may call it the spirit for one reason or another it is demonically possessed.

I fight everyday to exhaustion.

Some days I don’t have it in me to cuss them out for their trespassing or perversions.

But either way it’s still happening. Salt bath or not it’s still happening.

As much as I want to heal the world, I have no need for super powers. Especially if they come at the expense of souls. On this plane or others.

What’s the point of being celibate if my whole inner world has turned into one hell of a perversion? I know part of it was responsibility. I’m unsure how these beings interact fully so I felt it was best to stay away from the vulnerabilities of intimate relationships. I don’t want to be responsible for some one else getting something like this. A spiritual disease if you will.

It even looks like a spiritual disease sometime. With holes in my aura, parasites, choppy lights. It doesn’t look whole. It looks sick. And while I’m pretty sure it isn’t ME it is an Entity over laying over me, attached to me, and effecting my everyday life.

I wasn’t like this before. So it has to be possession.

Because of this experience every maternal instinct has been wiped out my body. I mean kids are silly and cute. Babies are cookie cutter adorable. But if this is the “veil” or the world we really live in I’m not sure if it’s fair for me to bring a child in the world both knowing what I know and not being able to give it the proper tools to defend itself spiritually or metaphysically.

I mean I thought I had the real world almost to a science. The body working out and loosing weight, credit scores, banking, schooling all that stuff…. figuring out all the red tape and shooting for your dreams…… but this shit is just fighting ghosts in the dark. And you can easily get stuck there.

I am.

And I’m bored as hell.

Out of Love 💔

It took me some time to figure out why these Entities keep doing this incest bullshit.

First and foremost incest is a 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢. And I have no attraction to my father in the slightest. If anything we were estranged for most of my life. Him being gone a decade of it and then, kicking me out cause I was gay and then trying to rebuild an adult relationship of forgiveness with him prior to being attacked.

Moving back to my parents house was definitely a shot to the ego but it is what it is and I tried to make a plan to move out but then became schizophrenic while I was here.

When I no longer accepted the twin flame story line these Entities were constantly looking for the next thing to trap me into. And since they could trap me into a story line they went for torture.

And yes incestious thoughts, or pedo thoughts or thoughts about my ex and his life on loop is def torture.

But I also allowed these thoughts distance me from my father. Just like I quit my job and stayed away from kids and I never contacted my ex ever again. I keep a safe distance in hope to save my body the experience of anxiety and torture.

In many ways I didn’t want to taint what was already tainted. I tried my hardest at least to preserve these images i my mind the best I could but these Entities won. Every day.

I realized they were trying to keep me out of love with my father. There was a wound there they were able to exploit and they were trying to keep me from showing that love and flourishing and thriving.

I remember the first time I felt I made my dad proud. Lol.

Me with out much school under my belt and just trying to make a difference in the would he was proud that I was helping families in foreclosure. It was strange.

But this incest shit came out of no where. Much like the pedophile and child molestation topic with these entities you don’t turn incestious over night.

And while I have to teach myself to elevate ABOVE these Entities and their sick demented tricks ……. I still have my days where I am weak and sick of being strong and acting like this shit doesn’t bother me.

It bothers me.

There is no way around it.

I don’t like it.

It is not a test of strength.

I hate it it sucks it’s happening and I don’t have much choice.

But my eyes are on love. Self love. Family love (no incest 🤢🤢🤢), community love, Gods love…. if it even exists as a thing….

Just really tired of this gross energy.

Why did I have to get fat?

Something unlocked with the demons once I got fat.

Like actually fat.

Why?

I know how to loose the weight more or less I just don’t have the money or resources for the cleanses or juices or gyms right now.

But why as soon as I get fat double chins and all they seem to let up off me a little?

When I say ATTACKED YA’LL dudes ……….. choking heavy burning just wrong hard to walk or breathe.

The “light” won?

I keep reading that “light” won over “darkness” and well yea I get it in like a VERY general sense like darkness is HELLA gross and super YUCK and will do and say anything to “win” and that’s how they “loose” really. No integrity. No honor.

So like I get all that. They lost.

So I’m over here loosing ….. my life …. by trying to keep some integrity intact and I’m tired.

The dark entities rapes and molests me every day feeding on me and itself. They say the most vile thing looping them all day. Visions of images I will spare you details of. And if I’m real lucky a full blown hallucination reality melt down.

Everyone keeps talking about “the Event” that it’s already happening. That we have won. And while I might not have have super light worker powers I will cuss a demon out with a quickness. Fuck all this love and light shit. People’s lives are on the line and they will manipulate your kindness.

I personally feel that truth is higher than love. Because ignorance is dangerous now a days. And some days I feel so confused I just have to give it to God.

It really shouldn’t HAVE to be this complicated. That’s just me. And my small human mind.

Uhg! Pedos trying To Join the Gay rights movement.

Update: TED talks releases statement about stupid pedo Ted Talk video

This is really upsetting me and a friend of mine keeps circulating this shit like it truth.

Pedos are predator who prey on children and hurt children. They do not deserve sympathy or rights. They need psychological help at best.

I saw an article saying pedosexual 🤢 is an actual orientation! What the actual fuck? That’s like saying a rapist is an orientation. Raposexual? And I deserve rights? YUCK!!!!!

Gay rights movement is based on two consenting adults having a consenting relationship. It was born out of violences and prejudice that was INFLICTED on the LGBT community.

Pedos perpetuate violence. And most of the ones I’ve read about are straight!!!

I remember there being a time in my twenties when most of my friend and partners had told me that they had been molested at some point and I was just like WTF to myself? My young mind could not comprehend this as such a wide spread issue. I was glad that my friends trusted me with this wound but at the same time I didn’t know what to make of this. Why was this so common? Why did the perpetrators get away with it? Why did they have to live with this pain for the rest of their life?

What the fuck is 4chan anyway?

I’m tired of pedo and child molesters I’m over them and I’m tired of the alien demons voices talking about them trying to push the agenda like this shit is ok cause it’s not and it never will be.

Fuck you fuck them!

Jesus loves the children!

✌🏼 Peace out!

ER: Update

I think between this pointless anti psychotics and taking Benadryl to go to sleep I might have dehydrated myself.

On top of being dehydrated, if you hear voices or under spiritual attack you KNOW they ALWAY kick you when you are down. So soon as you are upset or something bad happens they attack.

They were physically attacking me this time. They can jerk and move parts of my limbs but not my whole body.

And with out any remorse they would sit on top of my brain causing energetic pressure during a time I’m having an emergency and it was causing my body to shut down. They knew exactly what they were down and they didn’t care and they were going to make more and more painful of purpose just because. They want me dead and this was a decent cover up.

2nd Day in the ER

2nd day in the ER because of the demonic attacks.

They have been giving extreme headaches and and chest pain and wosh tingling feeling like my soul was being sucked out me through my feet.

Lights would get bright, I would loose my hearing, slurreded.

But the Entities knew exactly when it was happening because they were causing it. And I don’t know why.

Now they are going on saying “you the one that said you wanted to die”

“Turn her off!!” That mean kill me.

I’m tired of this harassment.

I’m tired.