Invisible Abuse (Spiritual)

How do you talk about invisible abuse? Much like all abusers they silence you, keep up a facade and make you look crazy or weak.

While I was working with homeowners during era of abusive mortgage lending practices. We didn’t have a name for it but they all knew their pain, all had the same symptoms. They all had a look on their face, seeing 20, 30, 50+ years of homeownership washed away. We couldn’t name the abusers because everyone’s hand was in the pot. And they had flipped the loan so many times often they were paying the wrong services. This abuse was silent for years, if not a decade. It took hours of storytelling and unraveling tears and trying to make sense do just the tiniest bit of change to come about.

It’s not fair that I can not take my abuser to court. I can not find my own justice because I can not touch an Entity…..a demon. I get labeled as crazy and schizo and given meds that make high and feel like death. Because what I experience “isn’t real”. I’m suppose to take accountability for “allowing the demon in my life”, because I didn’t do enough salt baths, I didn’t eat properly, I didn’t put a bubble of white light around me, I didn’t pray enough, wasn’t Christian enough. And that’s the excuse for abuse…… for spiritual abuse……

Then I go to someone…….a healer in hopes they can name my pain. That someone actually believes me…..relieve me. And often I was met with prices that superseded any church, or anything I’ve ever spent money on. And was told to take my meds and I wasn’t doing “something enough”.

I’m still getting tortured still getting raped. Still being fucked with. Not because I haven’t taken enough salt baths, not because I didn’t try the meds, not because I didn’t gain my “authority” and tell this demon to leave, not because I didn’t pray enough or trust enough….. but because this has yet to be truly named.

I have yet to identify my abuser. Just Mr. Entity that can sound like a guy or girl and look like anything. I have yet to say what this truly is because each sect approaches it differently.

I can see, but I can not see how this all happens. And why me? Or anyone else for that matter.

“Take everything as a lesson!?!?!” Really that’s what you tell someone reliving rape over and over and over again? A lesson? Where’s the lesson for the rapist? Why must the victim always show compassion be the bigger person?

This is spiritual abuse!!!!!!

It wasn’t my fault I got raped! Why do I have to fucking relive it!?

I know how my mind function! This is not me! Saying “that’s your mind” is an excuse and a cop out to uncover some really scary shit! And I live it every fucking day! While trying to keep my shit together!

I just try to ignore the rape now, that’s how common it is. But I can’t.

I’m just tired.


Being Schiz is bad for the Economy

Being schizophrenic is totally not good for the economy unless you are Medicaid and taking their $350 a month drugs that don’t work.

Otherwise if I wasn’t demonically possessed schizophrenic I would TOTALLY be working paying these worthless student loans and traveling and buying shit, I’m way over due for a new pair of leggings. But oh fucking well.


Guess I will just lay in this bed battling demons all day as they fill my body with their dense Co2 hoping that they go away.

Awakening and Rites of Passage

What is the difference between secret societies and say spiritual communities.

My mind rolled through so many things. Mainly culture and consent.

Much of what I know from like secret society there is a level of consent that is broken. Usually Hazing. But in spiritual communities a person is prepared through teachings for a journey.

I had both and neither. No spiritual meme on the internet could have prepared me for awakening, no scripture for the hazing of schizophrenia.

I guess not until you are actually there. And by then ……. preparation doesn’t matter.

If one no longer consents to their awakening or cultural “rite of passage” does it stop it? Do you even have that right? What happens after? Do our journeys become less rich because we wanted to tell our own stories?

Is wisdom only experienced?

I am saddened by how much value we give pain in our society. “No pain no gain” “sacred wounds” I have even heard the term “sacred abuse”.

Pain happens so much in this body. To the point we learn to overlook the pain. We can say the same thing for collective body as a people. Humanity.

We overlook our pain. The times when things were not ok but we just kept going. We didn’t address it out of fear, or properly treat it.

So when will our rites of passage be the one where we get to tell OUR stories. Actually tell our stories. Free of reactions to your pain inflicted.

Beyond reckoning or reconciliation.

True creators.

Art and Beauty

I need to like go to a gallery and see like beautiful art. Or maybe an installation, that’s more about being. Than seeing.

I just want to be somewhere beautiful and see beautiful thing that aren’t associated with these demons, and trolls and reptilian and aliens and every vile think you can think of.

I was able to weave this into my life before. I mean the are special moments of beauty. But…. it’s just my world ain’t it.

And anytime I try it’s quickly interrupted or argued over.

One times I was listening to music and I almost found my mind drifting off to make a beautiful music video like I use to but then I got scared that the demons were going to try to scare me with child porn again so I decided not to and just listened in anxiety of wanting to but not being able to.

They now fully use my imagination as an expression of themselves. So a wave of the hand in the imagination, or a vision, a dream, or hallucination. I no longer have control of these things like I use to.

And the way they gain control is by stopping me from using it because they kept showing me child porn.

So I thought if I tread carefully that those kinds of things wouldn’t happen. But it doesn’t matter. They do what they do. Their is no way to unsee it. Or any of the trauma of this experience.

But I long for real beauty to be in my life again. Freedom.

Dr. Phil: Twin Flames πŸ˜³

Sheila says that when the love of her life, Simon, said goodbye, he claimed he was going away for a few days but promised to return with flowers in a limousine.
β€” Read on


I was initiated into this hell hole through the concept Twin Flame.

It was after a break up. It was with a man I lost a lot of confidence with and made me feel really insecure for the first time. So I was an easy target at the time. But these entities were still able to convince me that maybe all these insecurities were because of love and my hang ups and not because he just plain old didn’t like me and we didn’t work out. They even convinced me they were telepathic communication with him and sounded just like him.

Some commonality with her case was the constant obsession but keeping him away. Using music “as a form of communication”, saying there was a “bet” for a large sum of money involved or a large sum of money involved. And that some how death was involved (i.e. Forcing me into suicide for my “twin flame”).

So where does this all come from?

I mean ……….. I’ve heard some things but the actual application of it to my life is another thing. How these Entities applied it to my life were well deadly. Still are.

I mean even though I am over the “twin flame” I STILL to this day have to hear about this man (my ex). To the point where I’m like “can you please leave this man alone?” I’m tired of hearing about him.

But who came up with the twin flame rules? And how do these Entites know how to play? Like the money part?

Maybe twin flames in another dimension are the most amazing love, here they are not. If anything they show signs of if a incubus of demonic hold. No one should be running around in circles like that. I lost a lot since my twin flame experience. And yea I could be all “I’m grateful” but…… I got shit to do and this was not it.

I feel bad she went through this. It’s embarrassing. Now they are going to drug her to make her more presentable. But I still believe there is a spiritual health issue underlying. I just don’t know how to address it permanently.

Just moment to moment. Day to day.

I don’t know if these Entities go away permanently. Although I would like to think so.

I know myself just as I am writing to you honestly. But these Entities are another bag of beans.

It’s sad but I’m trying to keep faith that through fierce honesty and communication and compassion we can start to heal.

When will the tears end? πŸ˜­

I was casually looking through my instagram. I was looking for a current photo where I had a ninja look going on. Then I looked at this photo and realized I had some of the same markings in my photos now that I had when I was a child.

Its like this flower portal thing. And I just cried because I don’t know why it’s here or why my life is being ruined because of it.

I was a child!

It had nothing to do with some past mistake I made that this demonic archon voice was trying to force me into suicide over.

This is so fucked up!

Soul Star Chakra 🌟: Archon Halo ☁ πŸ‘Ό β˜

So…………. The Archon’s portal energy balls I see on peoples heads and including my own look like halos you see in paintings. Straight up, no bullshit….. They are not glowing but they can invert from dark in the middle to light/clear on the outside or vice versa considering the lighting situation inside.

Last year my “twin flame” therapist told me about the “soul star chakra” which is also known as the “halo chakra”.

Simple stated in the link above “Your 8th Chakra known as the Soul Star Chakra is located about 12 inches to 3 feet from the top of your head (just above your Crown Chakra). Your Soul Star Chakra contains infinite energy, spirituality, Divine Wisdom and compassion. Also known as the Halo Chakra it’s what you see depicted in the historic paintings of Jesus Christ, the Saints and other Divine Masters. This chakra is the essential bridge between your Higher Self/Soul Self in the higher dimensions of reality and your incarnated human self (your personality and physical expression of your soul in third dimensional reality).

As your Soul Star Chakra becomes activated and expands you’ll begin to feel a strong need to align yourself with your Soul’s Mission to finally BE what you know on deeper levels you’re here to BE.”

Only I magically got the opposite! Why I gotta get the Satan halo? Is it suppose to be painful? This painful? 

Many people are saying that yes the body has natural chakras … And 3rd eye and all this good stuff but for some reason these natural systems are being manipulated and information is being falsafied so they can take advantage of us. 

There is an overlay. And its so painful. Like why doesn’t anyone tell you hey as some point you gonna get a half and shit it painful cause inter dimensional entities will prolly suck up you brain juices. I need a manual for this shit. 

Monster Logos ❀

Not all but many of the “energy”, entities, aliens, archons whatever you want to call them have a … Logo of sorts. I would assume, since they seem to be a hivr mind ad they attach to a humans individuality they long for that same separation. Thus a representation …. A logo of themselves of sorts.

Either way….. Each being…. Yes is individual in a way or for the moment…. And they CAN tether to you to sustain it self itself in whatever form that truly is. 

Just as they tether they can disconnect…. But who wants to find a new victim to learn? 

No I have seen “energy” or Entities that DID NOT connect to me physically and did not force itself to stay in my field or my home. 

I have to keep reminding myself there is a good spiritual world. And just because I have been forced to see this side that doesn’t make me a bad person for trying to understand and not leaving it to prayer alone. The Entities often try to guilt me…. Saying I’m a bad christian or something like that…. Because I donyt leave this to prayer alone. Again, Me, God, Meds. 

One of my friends told me about a story where she was in s parade in Chile and she fainted and then a shaman help her friend carry her to a place and then the shaman blew smoke on her back and pulled out like a teddy bear smoke logo. This teddy bear was a teather from an entity attempting to attach or hide in her. But was removed. 

Just like I had logos #, πŸ‘½, X, ❀  of all kinda stuff on arms and body. I can see but I can not remove them.

If I look directly where I know there is an “energy field” portal, alien demon whatever…. It will spew something at me…. It will sparkle maybe black maybe white and then I will see a smaller “portal” near me or a logo on my skin or my third eye. 

When I take photos of my face…. It legit looks like a child scribbled on my forehead. Especially the 3rd. I don’t know how long they last, or if they wash off in a shower… Or what. 

But sorry we want our people to be spiritually OK they need to know this shit good or bad.if you are walking around with a naked lady in your arua masterbating then that’s fucked up. That’s what I saw in this one guys field…. And he knew what I was talking about. I never a full figure before. 

I have no interest in playing with these entities…. Or anyone else for that matter when it comes to this. I seek to be free of the bullshit that is not me. Like this is basic shit. 

Lightened Photo

If I didn’t see this shape drop down in front of my eyes or mark my skin then I would say hey this prolly just a camera glitch.

This is the first time I caught on camera what I was drawing.

No one else is seeing it…  And its clear as day and making me feel crazy. And I thought I was a rational person. 

Blog at

Up ↑