Who am I? What Am I?

I spent all morning racking my brain around, WHAT and WHO exactly am I in this “menagerie” of Entities and beings floating around me and my house.

These beings are starting to cover my own face to the point in a EMF photo you can barely see my actual face. (Again if you want to see you can just ask but those particular photos were scary so I won’t post them till I understand them better).

I feel like if you aren’t careful any being will come in and tell you who and what you are, just feeding yet ANOTHER matrix of lies to crawl out of. I don’t mind observing possibilities of truth, but I’m not taking anything for absolute truth just yet.

So you’ve seen it…… the memes that say we “are the light, be the light.”, that we “need to look INSIDE ourselves for the truth” all these riddles when we could just say hey this is what’s up. Either way…… how exactly am I suppose to look at myself physically or with in?

This part is kind of confusing me. I’ve worked on my mental A LOT and my emotional and while I might be 100% compared to where I was 3 years ago I did THE WORK while getting my ass rapped and beat my Entities.

I guess because I was/am assaulted by Entities there is a part of me that wants to just jump out of my body and handle them properly.

But also this all came from realizing how the have high jacked my imagination/ 3rd eye vision and my dreams. I’m my dreams I realized that it wasn’t mean driving or creating the dreams it was them. One of the Entities even was so bold to draw a simple drawing of who he was driving my dream, he was also trying to write but was having difficulty. I was only the observer. But how? Why? Very few of my dreams make sense now. They are mundane or just …. fast pace…. overall weird…. and I dream ALLL THE TIME. So it’s more like a place for them to play or live and act out and less likely my own consciousness. They are looney that is the best way I can describe it.

So as the observer and I can control this body 95% I say that because they can jolt my body and make it shiver, burn, be in pain etc and on rare occasions moved a limb, a toe or a pinkie. They can make me feel but they can not make me move with out a strong suggestion that I agree to. Say going to smoke a cigarette.

But how do I find that light with in? Truly? Not some illusion set up by the Entities.

Why in a photo I can see them but I can’t see myself (spiritually)? Am I locked in this body? Which is fine why is that these other beings can come and go as they please? And hurt my body?

I have so many question? And I again just don’t know where to go for answers. Or if those answers will suffice.

Part of healing to for me is deconstructing how and why we suffer. Critique it, trying to make it better for the next person. I take what I learned in 3D about healing and apply it spiritual. I have the option to wait on Gods grace (and the assumption) do nothing about my situation or I can be an active part in my healing and try to break this shit down not just for me but for others that feel like they are loosing it because of this odd experience.

I doubt any one reads this crap but lol if you have any good books or articles or methods to understand this better let me know.

β€οΈπŸ™πŸΌβ€οΈ

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Can you be pimped in the astral plane?

I mean is that even a thing?

This is the second time (or period of time) this nasty ass evil ass piece of shit demon alien THING tried to pimp me on the astra to some heavy ass beast energy. Like i dont even know what they are doing exactly cause i can only hear and see in part.

But i know there was some talks of money. They got currency in the astral? And then some SUPER heavy energy layed on top of me as much as i fought and said no and cussed them out. And then the heavy entity sighed relief after being connected to me or something. (And the wierd cats visions) …… And im just over here trying to figure out what is happening to me.

Like are they just playing with me?

Is my energy or body really being pimped out by some asshole demon for astral currancy?

I mean can you even do that? Is it even like legal in the grand laws?

It sounds ridiculous right? And yet my friend said his twin flame in italy something similar was happening to her. But their story was all over the place.

I’m just by my lonesome trying to figure this out.

I just dont see how this is possible or legal or like not stopable at this point.

I just wanted to make this note in case anyone else was dealing with this in any shape or form.

I never tried to play in the astral/ dimension or anything like that……it just happened. But from what i read most are suppose to leave you alone …. Thats what im not understanding. Is why they wont leave me alone.

Exposing “illuminati” Pedos?

So a bunch of spiritual pages I know at some point start going off on a pedo tangent and “exposing pizzagate” and all these different illuminati pedos. One page says lady Gaga exposed them in an interview another meme says she is one…… and all these people doing is triggering the fuck out of me with their misinformation and conspiracy theories.

Until we have a justice system that actually properly handles sex traffickers, kidnappers, child molesters, pedos, pornographers, child abusers and rapists in a real and reformative way this shit is going to go on forever.

And no one give a FUCK about the little black girls missing in the hood when a pedo ring pops up. Only the illuminati! You see how fuck up and backwards this thinking is? You don’t care about the children!

Everyone wants to seem edgy and “expose” but what the fuck are we doing to save the kids?! That’s all I care about! YOUR MEME DOESN’T DO SHIT BUT TRIGGER SURVIVORS!!!! Do you think Hillary is really going to jail on pedo charges? Hmmm? Lady Gaga? BeyoncΓ©?!?

MY MAIN ISSUE IS THAT EVERYONE IS MORE CONCERN WITH CATCHING A PEDO AND NOT SAVING THE CHILD/CHILDREN!

Like we can’t even get a fucking rapist to go to jail for long if at all. One judge said because the boy came from “a good family” he won’t charge him for filming a rape. They rarely get charged max sentences.

Edit: If you gave a fuck about actual children then we would not be supporting any of this boarder patrol where children are separated from there parents, kept in cages and over 4,000 children have been sexually abused in the custody of the United States. Do we give a shit about that? That’s a pretty easy one. Or just the illuminati hunt?

This is all triggering to me as someone who suffers from pedo molestation from Entities in the astral realms AND it kills me we care more about exposing the illuminati and being edgy than like finding the children in these videos some how. I mean Lightworkers Unite and do a care bear stare and find them if there are actual evidence!

Whatever I’m done ranting.

How The Illusion Works

Examples:

Kim Noble: painting. Kim is a painter who has multiple personalities and allows her personalities to paint. This is an example of one interested me because it resembled one of my hallucinations. I would say this represents the Energy one would see which is usually not the full picture.

This is a quick drawing by me of a frequent “hallucination” I see. I feel like I can see the bare bones of what these beings really are but they can use light or dark to change themselves.

I don’t know who made this image but it showed up on my time line. I know it is suppose to be the divine mother Mary. This image caught my eye because again it looked very similar to that of Kim Nobles and my drawing. Now my drawing above can use light to create a dream or a vision to look like the image below. And that is how these beings create illusions. It’s the best way I can describe it.

Turning My Spiritual Attack into a Blessing

So don’t get me wrong. I have my days. And I want it to stop and I am standing my ground firm on that the best way I know how.

However…. my eyes have opened to knew worlds and communities of people I never knew existed. If it wasn’t for the internet I might be dead to be honest. Between the twin flame community and the targeted Individual community and the schizophrenic community there are so many that I can relate to. Most of us have learned to be soft with each other and built heart connections based on our traumas that we really can’t share with many people with out sounding completely looney.

But it’s important to really talk about it and unravel everything. Even as much as I write about everything it’s still difficult. Multiply storylines and merging storylines happened as well as confusion so at times I can only follow one frame work but usually there were multiple happening at the same time.

I want nothing more then to stop hearing voices all day long, and being raped by demons and being called vile names and shown distrusting images.

But this torture only propelled my fight to be outspoken for those who are are afraid to speak, to research, to observe.

I will always say I traded my FEAR for CURIOSITY. That was the first step to no fear. I picked up my pen and drew what I saw or I typed in my blog exactly what I was experiencing in that moment.

I then was able to reference back to these things at a later date and hopefully see a progression of sorts. And there has been progress. Slow but progress.

Carl Jungs Shadow Work also helped me learn WHY the demon aliens chose the topics they chose. Shadow Work is like root work ….. it’s getting to the root of an issue and a core belief system. I know that child sexual abuse is a big trigger for me cause of a childhood wound (that I mention in this blog) and because it’s just wrong. And they know it upsets me so just keep hitting that button over and over and over again. But I realized where it stems from and made some piece because at first it seemed like it was coming from no where. Like hearing “you’re a child molester” one day out of no where after not thinking about my childhood trauma for eons just seems random. But now I know why they picked it. Because I would murder them for what they did to me….. and they know it I ain’t above that shit. I will bust some πŸ‘½ alien mars attack heads idgaf!

ANYWAYS! πŸ˜‡

So other than getting to meet new people and expanding my community (which has been difficult due to homophobia and low key racism in the spiritual community but that’s a whole other story) and learning more about myself, I also seen a whole other world *cue Aladdin theme song*.

While this world was scary and confusing. If this this world exist ….. I know there is a God. While they def look like aliens and act like demons…. I’m not sure WHAT dimension I am in exactly. So again trade the fear of the unknown for curiosity. Not sure how long I will be here but I can document as much as I can while I am.

They can hurt us, but figure out HOW they hurt us. They won’t kill you (least that I know of) just make you want to off yourself. Suicide is kind of like their signature move.

The more we strengthen ourselves and document for others struggling, hold space for other struggling, support them, allow them to feel, listen to them, the more we can start shedding light on these alien demons that are holding innocent humans hostage.

We can turn this into a blessing. Alien/demons are real! Let’s stop acting like it’s just Hollywood. Where you think they get the creativity from? So! Let’s turn it into a blessing and flip this script on all of them real quick. They messed with the wrong generation!

Peace and Love

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Last Nights Nightmare

So last night my friend went to the hospital for stomach and back pains. I am try hard not to attribute it to acute spiritual attack by these demons. She said she suddenly feels like she has no energy and of course she that’s what Demonic attacks feel like. But at the same time she has taken on a large t of school work and a new relationship and is a single parent. That’s why I help with watching my Godson so she can be a bit mobile a make it to NA meetings once a week as a part of her recovery.

Either way I trying my hardest not to trip and think any thing is my fault. That my mere existence and my presence has a negative impact when I’m trying my hardest to have a positive one. These demons have choice in who they go to next. It is not random clearly. It’s their choice not mine.

So last night I randomly took a a light box photo of myself while watching Jessica Jones on Netflix’s. A light box photo is this app that les you take photos in night and makes the photo sensitive to light. Basically it’s an EMF photo. I’ve posted a few before you can check out my media gallery (if you know how to I don’t). I won’t post the photo publicly because the I’m embarrassed a bit but if you want see the photo privately I will show you just message me. My fried said the ok lol very clear like reptilians.

That is how serious this photo is. Basically energetically (emf) it’s a mans face overlaying over my face to the point you can’t see my face. And above my head is a shadowy figure with its hands over my ears and the man and the shadow figure look connected through a cord of such. It is FREAKY.

It made me upset. Because I recognized this “mans” face from other times he has tried to scare me and even dreams. I’m not sure what his problem is or why he is here. He is around but doesn’t come into the picture frame often. And I guess cause I caught him on camera that might of upset him to scaring me a bit.

So my friend put on white noise “soothing sound of rain” to go to sleep and Soon as she went to sleep they started to go to town with talking really loud about about god knows what but kept calling me an idiot for about 5 or 10 mins before I got up to go smoke a cig. Then when I move I got hit with a huge light blue energy ball like I heard, it felt, saw it. It was like a little mini explosion light when gas catches fire. I never felt anything like that before. I just kind of stayed put for a few minutes before getting up again to see if it was going to happen again.

Everything is so strange. I felt fear for the first time in a while. I was also upset. Upset that some MAN (could have been a mantis entity being in a mask, yea I know sounds crazy but I’ve seen beings wear masks before) fucking face was over my face where my face should be. So soon as I got angry they were able to trade that for fear by talking over the white noise and sounding really human like.

Just not a good night over all. And the meds suck. I feel more agitated and irritated than usual.

3rd eye vs Imagination

This man expresses that the “3rd eye” is from the “tree of knowledge” it is basically the understanding of good and evil. And I guess we are not suppose to know that.

I realized I never tried to open my my third eye. It was already open when I even tried cause I was scared cause I was getting these strange visions of my ex’s (false twin flame) remote viewing me. So that freaked me. But my 3rd eye was already open technically for me to get a vision like that.

Also when does imagination end and where does “3rd eye” start? I use to listen to music on my train commute and make beautiful dance routines of different colors on my way to work. Was that my 3rd eye? Was that Entities?

What about dreams? I know now for sure Entities play in my dreams. But what about before were they the ones creating my dreams before? Did they get bored and wanted to take control of my life?

So when it comes to the third eye you have hallucinations (eyes open apparitions, flashes of light, sparkles, shadows, ghostly mists etc) , then you have visions which is what I think more people think (eyes open or closed but works with in the imagination and is more involuntary), imagination (eyes open or close more voluntarily), dreams (involuntary unless “Lucid dreaming” which could then just be imagination or visions).

Point is I wasn’t really trying to go this route to be honest. The tree of knowledge. I was kind of tricked like Eve I guess. Dumb AF. 😞 Strange things were happening to me and I was feeling strange things and I needed answers! Just like you would go to a doctor if you felt sick right? Only I got like thousand differ answers and I was left to sort through them and I am choosing now to leave it all behind.

I don’t know if I am ready to leave my blog yet. But I am almost ready to leave all the new age esoteric stuff alone cause it’s not doing anything for me. And the people that do know aren’t able to help me either. Just saying.

Not sure how to cultivate a better relationship with God when I’m literally covered in demons. From above my head to below my toes. I guess I was trying to search for a good layer. But I haven’t found one. So I just need to ignore this demon matrix and get on with my like they already took 4 years of my life.

Spiritual Cockroach

For whatever reason lastnight the entities where parctically having a conference meeting in my head.

As i was going to sleep i could hear sometimes what they were saying or sometimes not. I know i had the “energy of agreeing with something” i didn’t know about and i was like WOA WHAT WAS THAT?! And woke up.

I could also see a few different ones when i closed my eyes it was like this dim plasma light would phase over the entities and i could see the outline of them like a flalight briefly passing by. When I opened my eyes I saw maybe four dots.

Also a loud female voice I believe said ” i didnt know she had a cockroach!“. This isnt the first time i heard something like this. I remember before i got sick (voices 24/4) hearing “i knew there where cockroaches in the ceiling” I feel like this was in reference to my ex but an overlay (mean a voice said it) but I wasn’t as aware back then, and i belive someone in an article back in 2011 referred to Archons as cockroaches.

I was lazy about scrolling around the internet for research this time around. But I did find one persons link between demons and cockroachs.

I mean it could be the one of their games again to confuse me. I read an article that called them ticks /hitchhikers and then I saw maybe a few weeks later the outline of a tick (maybe 3) being raised out of me. But when this happened……when I tell you I never felt so good in my life. 😳 DUDE like all this esthetic weight that I am carrying was lifted. I didn’t feel choked, I felt like I could breathe! But it was only for a moment.

So that feeling is my bottom line. To be truly cleared and freed of these beings.

I mean they slowly will attach to every part of you and you really won’t notice . Like now they attached to my thighs and my thighs have been going numb for no reason. And when I notice they might move away. It’s so weird. So they scurry like cockroachs.

So there are a thousand names for these beings but no way real way I have found so far to stop them from connecting and harassing me.

New Age vs. New World Order

I definitely fell into the New Age community because at the time they seemed to have answers for many of the strange experiences i was beginning to have. Seeing sparkles and flashes of light, dreams, “spirit” communication, visions, seeing “angel numbers” all the time 1111 to just name a few. But…… As soon as my experience took a left turn into a schizophrenic nightmare i was called crazy, dark, not of the light, negative ect by people in FB groups. And honestly those are things that me nor most of the people who know me.

I found that this was how many dealt with people in the spiritual community when someone was having a “spiritual crisis” or an entity attack if not that the basic elemantary suggestion of a salt bath and white light was prescribed to remedy the situation.

As i read on many of the posts. I found a great deal of many religious beliefs melded into one. Calling on Jesus and goddesses …. Metaphysically opening of the “third eye”….. Beliefs that the aliens were here to “help us grow and ascend” to the “new earth” or 5D as well as occult stuff.

Is was all one big tangled ball of beliefs. And while i originally come from a mindset of respecting everyones belief (with in reason), i also had a difficult time accepting Christianity as one i WAS queer and two i lost faith in the church when i was a kid when our pastor raped a 14 year old and everyone still accepted him as the pastor. Not to mention wars.

But i have come to terms. I can belueve in Jesus and God and the word and not necessarily be “Christian”. Im ok with that as apart of my current path.

A few problems i have with the New Age is the appropriation of peoples culture and beliefs with out much respect to the actual people. They use dieties and rituals and practices with out any regard to the depth of understanding thst goes behind that. Each symbol, each diety, figure, practices, food, holiday ect.

With that…. Much of the New Agers talk about “all is one, one is all” or “we are all connected” or “the veils are being lifted” …. Promoting telepathy and communication with “the other side”. Most are ok with the lie. The other side of “the veil” is fucking scary! Do you know that. Its absolutely insane and scary. But they are apart of this world. They are everywhere and NO irs not your deceased grandma Sally. Its a demon playing GAMES.

Now all these demons are connected. They have telpathic communication networks of sorts. And so the demon or some call it “a familiar spirit” that has been hanging around you or your family will tell a psychics demons all you want to hear. So you keep playing and paying.

All is one….. The melding of religions and beliefs seems soooooo….. New World Order-ish to me. One world one government one monitary system one belief.

These demons are out here melding belief systems to keep you confused. Half these people do not know what they are playing with. They THINK they are playing with angels but if they revealed their true form you would probably be shocked. And thats the lie! You really think Arch Angel Micheal is speaking to a thousand basic ass bettys on youtube? Right!

They are playing up “the event” and people think the aliens are coming down or a new earth 5d paradise will magically appear. Dudes? Really? If everyone believes this shit just enough….. When that veil actually comes down they can play whatever they want. Aliens, new messiah, ect. They will have officially dooped everyone because everyone believes in everything and we all sitting here confused as shit.

Im done with the game and lies.

You know what a 3rd eye opening is? A demon sucking on your shit feeding you useless visions, dreams, and suggestions. Mind manipulation. And you fell for it. I did too……. Of course i wanna talk to my ancestor or an angel or whatever…… But that aint them!

Just cause you got the bright side of the New Age rainbow doesnt mean your shit aint dark. It means you are naive and gullible.

Keep playing!

Faith vs Religion πŸ™πŸΌ

So part of me wants to be a moon loving, sun soakin, crystal wearing, incense burning, horoscope reading, nature hippy dippy weirdo.

And then the other part of me wants to be a devoted Christian so that God loves me back. Because apparently burning sage and doing yoga conflicts with faith.

I try not to let the internet and the vast interpretation of religion and bible get to me.

But someone said God looks after his children. And while I know on the material plane I have been fortune to make it to 35 years. But on the spiritual plane I have not been so fortunate.

I can’t say it was because of this or that. But I can’t seem to wrap my head around why I am being attacked. Some say kundalini, some said I’m a budding light worker, a twin flame or one of the 144k that the Bible speaks of and NONE of that has helped me nor seems to apply to why I am being attacked on the “spiritual plane” to the point I must fear for my life.

And it’s not really the “spiritual plane” if others can see them in a photo or if my body is being physically attacked to the point I must go to the emergency.

The post on Facebook says God takes care of his children. And I just wonder why I am left to be raped in every sense of the word by demons?

I guess I am not “blessed and highly favored” or one of God children or the elect “chosen ones” people keep trying to fill my head with.

This doesn’t make me a piece of shit.

I’m just not that. Doesn’t mean I’m gonna go run and pray to some goat God. But all I see is crazy shit. I feel of sound mind and body. But I just hear and feel and see the craziest shit. And THAT’S as if living in THIS world wasn’t crazy enough. We gotta add a layer of hell with reptilian whatever raping me over it.

I don’t know what to do anymore.