The point . 

So what’s the point of all this? 

Almost every belief torn down for what? 

Torn down and still shimmers in its beauty, essence, goodness. Beautiful stones that were used to build prisons.

So now what? 

I will not bow down.

You and your kind have lied to my people. Misguided…. And divided. And we are done. The lies are sooooo deep we even think they are good.

So why are you still here?

I am no longer interested in entertaining your game…. Or play… Deception

We’ve come to a point….  And your side seems desperate.

Leave!

Mandala Effect and Targeted Individuals

Just some thoughts.

Mandala Effect I wonder if the mandala effect has to do with “targeted individuals”. I mean I wrote it off as just people being misinformed. I mean our memories aren’t always the best. But there is also our “minds eye” or “third eyes” or “imagination” so when we are asked a question we access it in some way. So I wonder if those who believe something to be one way and not the other are under “mind control” as “targeted individuals”. Just a theory.

Gang Stalking. From what I read many people believe they are being stalked or followes by a group or organization. And while this may be true as a “target individual”, one I doubt they would make themselves so obvious. And two its a part of the “paranoid schizophrenia” “play”. In my own experience the VOICE  or Entity, whatever you want to call it…. Would make me believe it was my ex and his friends doing this to me. Then it moved to my place of work and it was my coworkers. Then moved to my home and almost everyone in NYC had something to say about me. Talk about gang stalking, how about about a whole borough “bullying” you? It was/ is intense to say the least and makes it difficult to go outside and engage the world like I use to. Once I realized this is impossible… For EVERYONE in NYC to be talking about little old me things changed. Once I realized it is impossible for my ex and his friend (who lived on the other side of the country) to psychic telepathic access to me to bully me. Things changed. Once I realized that THE VOICE(s) were talking too fast to be two different people things changed. So while it still happens some times…. I don’t believe it. It is just ONE Entity simulating this nasty ass shit.

As I said before, like I wonder if this how people get hurt or go crazy and hurt people thinking they are doing this shit to them, or suicide cause they are lost in some sick simulation overlay. 

Types of voices. You may notice both a pitch or frequency accompanied by a white static noise. Try ear plugs and touching certain parts of your body like ears or neck … Or affected areas or closing your body in yoga positions. The tones may change. But I pray that you not hear them if you are uncertain. The types of voices I noticed are as followed.

Main Voice: I’m not sure if some people are even able to get there. But once you get past the paranoia or characters or actual people that IT is hiding behind … You may find one voice. I’m not sure how that may play out for individuals because each have a different experience. But this is in relation to “targeted individuals” and the feeling of “gang stalking”. My particular Voice or Entity attachment…. Is intelligent, manipulative, obsessive, lies, I could say creative, but for this experience is absurdly abusive and inhumanly psychotic. May present itself as an archetype of authority, God, Jesus, Goddesses, Buddha, Ex partners, Bosses, Satan, Aliens, Angels, Parents, etc so that you feel powerless. Which in that moment may very well feel true. This “Main Voice Entity”, orchestrates most of the experience. The main voice may very well emulate YOU. So while its orchestrating it is suggesting you (light images, memories, or actual “subconscious thought”) how to respond or placing false feelings.

The Scream: This one often sounds like a distant scream that repeats over and over. Usually negative. May be “fuck you” or “bullshit” or “you’re crazy” “you’re ugly” or something that means something to you. Tends to rhyme. At one point I called it Rumpelstiltskin. But repeats it over and over again. This one also tends to be melodic. So you may hear music like sounds off of running water or other ambient sounds like a fan or humming of a car. 

Voice(s) / Gang Stalking: So this one is difficult. One, being paranoid is natural in natural situation. Walking down a dark ally sure. Stepping out of your house to get some almond milk in broad daylight…. Not so much. The Voice Entity is an opportunitist and will exploit any situation. So if you think your Boss passed you up for a promotion it is going to maybe you felt down or depressed … angry…. This Entity Voice will make you go postal… Hopefully not literally.

So my theory is that The ONE Voice Entity controls the “many”. The one that sings, the one that screams in the distance, the one that says your name randomly, the one that make you think people in your life are out to get you (but hey who knows), the one that makes you think your being gang stalked, that the TVor radio is talking to you, talking to dead relativites or people far away, The one that makes you think you heard someone say some crazy shit and they didnt, the one that makes you think you are taking to goddesses or aliens. 

I can’t say what this…. Exactly… But that is what I have realized for myself. It doesn’t make it any less debilitating.

This post is just on voices I could go on about the whole experience. But it rarely ever makes any sense. So as with “targeted individuals” while I can relate with the experience and can see it relate with other experiences as well (spiritual awakening “purging” “dark night of the soul” or Kundalini symptoms and “surrendering”ect) there is always that one piece missing. 

Who, How, and Why?

Kundalini and Entities

I am trying to figure out if my “kundalini” is emulated by an Entity or If it is feeding off of it.

Since Kundalini is suppose to be like this energy…. Does that attrac entities to feed off of it  causing us miss out on a great healing experience? They use fear to rip into our energy and spill it into their cup?

Or are entities getting g hip to the game of “awakening” and emulating these experience as we research only so they can play with us for their own gain?

Why would a spiritual experience be so painful? 

How do these entities play into our experience helping or hindering?

Awake to Sleep

Sleep to dream.

This whole “awakening” feels more like a dream..   An awaken illusion…. A walking delusion. A separation from reality. What’s actually happening. What we actually try to create. Our true nature.

Wonder if awakening is is the opposite…. It is the shadow personified into our “reality” but more so our our mental reality. What we believe. Where alters lay in the back of our minds filled with dreams deferred and archetypes. 

And we render ourselves Gods when we have yet to slay the dragon of illusion and temptation.

Cause you don’t get what you want in the end. It was a mirage. There is always…. Something getting in the way of true happiness. Even if it is yourself. …. Or your shadow if you’ve had the purest of intentions.

Awakening? Just sleep walking. The veil lifted …. Opposite in in a world that is polarized by the north and the south? Eyes opened so the veil of lies can blind fold us to the true…. And distract us from seeing the beauty in a world that has so little.

How is it ascension when I feel I have fallen into the pits of despair? How is this awakening when my third eyes shows nothing but lies? How is this a lesson when it is based on distortion and lies?

“Higher self” and suicide?

Hypothetically: Would the “higher self” force the I guess “human self” into suicide?

Would the higher self actually say “tired of looking at you fucking up”? Cause wouldn’t that ultimately mean the “higher self” fucked up? 

Just saying.

I guess I am currently in an ocean of terms, ideologies, beliefs and practices ….. Overwhelmed and underwhelmed at the same time. Nothing fits just right. Does this belief make my butt look to big?

Yes. Yes it does.

Discernment has been so important. Because if I truly believed that this Entity was my ex, or God, or Satan…… I would not be here right now. And as much as I want to forgive this abusive being I also must remind myself of this fact.

Today yet another woman expressed having a very similar experience as I. I mean the white outs, choking sensations (not anxiety) as well as a voice calling her a bitch and saying “I’m leaving, I’m never coming back”. I am sure that’s the tip of the iceberg.  

This is soooo similar to the catch phrases that the Entity uses with me its almost scary.

  • “I’m fired” / “You’re fired”
  • I’m never coming back again
  • You will never see me again
  • I’m leaving / “Go Home”

These are just SOME of the catch phrases there are plethora of others depending on the theme or topic.

So why would two different people (women) on different sides of the world and from different cultures and with different symbols and language have an Entity telling them practically the exact same thing???

Hmmmm?????????????!

Por QUE!

I haven’t spoken to her directly to exchange any other notes. But Yea…… It is exhausting. I am glad she was able to position herself to at least stand her ground and know it is NOT her and she is NOT just schizophrenic……

As I said before I ….. I am (personally) where I have attributed all these “mystical” experiences (“angel” sparkles, shadows, spirits, telepathy, “voice of god”, aliens whatever) to this Entity. So…. My beliefs are kinda at a standstill …. But at the same time I look for information.

My only thing is does my exclusive experience with this Entity emulating them mean…. They do not exist? That’s why I try not impose of people too much. I mean whatever gets you through the day. But at the same time I’m about truth AND safety and when those things are compromised…… On a fundamental level….. The “self”….. What do you do other than hold space for each other? 

Allow one to draw their own conclusions with out imposing too much…..

Past Lives

​Started from a conversation from the entry: Panties

“Prior to this experience I believed in past lives and karma in passing no big deal. But after all of this I am having a hard time believing in either…. Like I’ve done “good things” and and been “of service” most of my life but I do not see any “good karma” especially since this “entity” has revealed itself and started reeking havoc in my life. If we are suppose to learn from our past lives then why don’t we remember? Why would karma from a life I know nothing of nor remember have anything to do with this one? How does that balance anything? How does that make us better people/ souls?

My birth chart is a prescription for my suffering? Like that is wild! I can look at astrology and tarot up to a point. But I do NOT feel deep down to the core of my being (whether I was or wasn’t) that we are here to suffer or should suffer from “karma” of a “past life”.

###

Ever since this experience I feel like there are no past lives, just “entities” that try to fuck with your life.

In addition to this, I have a difficult time believing in loved ones showing up from the “otherside”. This is because if my deceased family members are really here why don’t I hear them like others do? These spirits or entities that act like/ parrot loved ones often have no real knowledge of that person. Go ahead ask them a question that YOU DON’T know but could find out. Prolly wont get an answer. And if they really are my loved ones….. Why aren’t they kicking this entities ass for torturing me? It seems like it is mainly one entity thing that has tried to act like both the living and the dead in my life. As well as tried to take on “persona” of Satan or God. Yet have no knowlegde of either scriptures. 

What or why this entity is here? I have no idea. But it has been waiting for a while now. I know fundamentally this has nothing to do with any religion from Christianity to Satanism or anything to the side or in between…. The experience that I have encountered is not based in the fundamentals of any religion or even my own beliefs.

I believe in GOD! Creator of everything …. Why would GOD tell me to commit suicide? Apparently Satan worshipers and demons don’t believe in suicide or torture either. 

So what is it? Why is it? A lot of people are experiencing something similar and we have “no control” or “knowledge” of it.

All I know is that this entity is 97% lies to the point that even if it was to tell me a truth that I wouldn’t even believe it. Whatever my faith, belief or way of life is (I believe in God and I do no harm) then what gives this entity the right to sit and judge me all day down to the toothpaste I use.

New age community does not express how horrific this shit is and people are hurting. Spiritual folks will be like you are just carrying “bad energy created in sub conscious mind that’s blocking you from your true potential as creator of your own universe …. Bla bla bla”. Like there are people who are seriously hurting and in trouble. There is something out there that we can not see that is hurting people and fucking with peoples lives. But that’s another story. 

Main point is that I believe past lives, karma, “spirits of the dead”, is a tool and excuse for spirit entities to fuck with us.

 Why? I don’t know. 

Third Eye Blind

It started off with feeling miner shifts… in the network… nudges… hunches…”cosmic energies” then what i thought was telepathy…. with the person I love…. it was in a way…. then the “veil” being lifted. 

Boo!

Surprise!

Guess what’s been with you all along? Still don’t know completely. 

I didn’t think that I would be going through a full on “third eye” “kundalini” “schizophrenic” episode…. whatever whatever maybe it all explains the same thing ….. maybe it doesn’t. 

But my joy is gone. 

I mean I find moments of meh… crack a smile here and there… make a joke for my sister. But mostly sleep all day long waiting for the day things will change… Even if I wanted to fly by the seat of my pants like I have normally done most of my life surviving…. and create a plan …..all signs are leading to NO. Or a big wait sign. 

I am impatient. I am so impatient. And depending on perspective …. it can be a good or a bad thing. Receiving….. bad thing… giving good thing… maybe… I mean I got things done fast… anytime there was a crisis… I made things happen fast. No time to waste. And now I sit at home watching time pass by…. Waiting for the green light. Waiting to be whole. Waiting for this to all make sense.

The love is gone. 

I know we are suppose to focus on self love. And I did. I had a somewhat healthy esteem …. gone. I cut my hair… I miss it. It is what it is. It will grow back… hopefully. The spirit told me to cut my hair …. I went all the way and Buzz cut it like I was getting ready for the military. And in a sense I was. Whether self imposed or infected I did not have control over what was / is happening in my life or even my mind… My body.

It’s not where I thought I would be …. with all the positive thoughts one could have…. nope. I thought I would finally get a place of my own and stop with this roommate mess… raise at my job… loose more weight and instead the very opposite happened. 

But I am grateful. I have a roof over my head, food to eat and family. I’m suppose to be grateful. It’s only I feel stuck here. Both from from my own current limits as well as a sense of family obligation. I don’t like feeling stuck. Waiting. 

Head went from the clouds to the pit of hell in a very short period of time. And now things are calm….ish. Like night time. Like 4am calm. If you are lucky. 

And it hurts to have to keep starting from scratch.