Targeted Individual: Meditative State

I spent about 2 years+ so far in a meditative state.

This was me training myself. I did not have a guru. Youtube videos were not doing it for me. It was an organic way of just being aware of my what was happening. An observation of the things that were happening to me that i could not control.

I was being shown strong visions i could not control, my body was vibrating and convulsing, emotions i could not control and often did not connect with. I see aliens and demons floating around, orbs, sparkles. Hearing the most vile things while they try to convince me that some of these vile thoughts are my own.

It took observation and a slowling down to understand what was me and what was not me.

So an example would be i would in my room and i would hear my dad go into to living room. The voices/demon aliens would then show me a vision of a penis ( i have no idea if it is my fathers cause i aint see it and i aint trying to) and then say i want to have sex with my father. Now the awareness of my father being there, that is natural and me. Everything else is NOT. And it use to upset me to the point i would cry because i just could not understand why out of no where one day i am having these incestuous thoughts. But I had to realize they are not mine.

Even one day i my dad and i had dinner together (first time ever) when i went to visit him on the beach and i was admiring his big bright blue eyes and of course the demons aliens turned it gross and raped me there at the table (to make it seem like i was turned on) saying i was attracted to my father. When i was simply cherishing him.

Any attempt at building a loving positive thought was/is ruined. And normally that is who i am. I am the kind of person to tell a random stranger how much i love their outfit. (See update below) Lol at least i use to be.

So all attempts are to keep me from loving positive truthful thoughts. They have even recently twisted my thoughts trying to say i am attracted to my best friends boyfriend, and that is the “play they want”. But im not and i think he is great for her. But because i have a positive thoughts around him (for her)…… It has to turn sexual yet again with these alien demons voices. It cant just be that i think he he is great for her …. It has be taken to another level.

Its always taking it to another level. There is no simplicity with these demon alien voices.

They do the same thing with pedo thoughts as well. I love my godson and might appreciate how silly he is being and they just ruin it with a pedo thought. And I’m stuck there with a frown on my face.

So I noticed FOR ME that a lot of this is centeres around men/boys and my love and or appreciation of them and that being either turned sexual or sour. So with the men i ACTUALLY DATED lol the voices didnt like them and would give negative thought like they are cheating on me or think i am ugly ect ect. But for the men in my life who i appreciated and nothing would ever be sexual they turned sexual in my mind.

Again this is something i spoke about in my blog before. THE OPPOSITE. The alien demon voices constantly trying to convince me of the opposite of what something actually is.

They have done so much sexual vile disgusting thoughts so much and i have had less than supportive dating partners that i give up and i am Asexual at this point. I am overwelmed. Lol and its enough work sorting through the bullshit.

But part of the meditative state is finally getting to the point where you dont have to sort anymore. You just know its bullshit. You allow it to roll by. Its still NOT the life i want to live. But its better than giving it as much energy as i did before and crying into my plate everyday cause i just cant cope.

Much of meditation that i have notices is either creating a space like visualizing yourself at a lake …… Or nothingness. And unfortunately i cant do either. It is very difficult for me to create a whole space now like i use to. The alien demons have enough control of my consciousness to effect that or make it exhausting to execute.

And nothingness is impossible because when i close my eyes i see flashing white lights, “energy” lights flowing, other light beings/ entities, sparkles ect. Nothingness is impossible right now because my energy field is not clear. So alot of my meditative state was going from fear to curiosity (drawing and describing them), to just being ok with them there and letting it roll by …… For now. Again not being excited by the situation.

And sometimes they will give a false sense of fear or being scared. Its like an electric shock to the head or body…… Or false sense of anxiety as they get close to my body. But im like DUDES i see y’all all day every day for 3.5 years, you’ve shown me the most vile things one could see and cried till i cant no more…… I know for a fact that the emotions or anxiety that they where trying to get out of me was false feelings. …… Im not sure HOW they do all that they do….. But im sure they had eons to figure it out.

This is not to say i dont have any emotions at all. I recently became emotional about the child that committed suicide because ICE took her father. And it just killed me. I thought about her emotional state. I thought about how spiritually these entities may have got to her……. How the state (ICE) effected her. Just really upsets me when they get our children and elders. Just the state of the world in general is overwelming. And i allow myself to feel for that for a moment.

But i have this situation at hand to focus on.

And staying on top of that. And staying as “zen” as possible and not letting these alien demons take anymore from my life than they already have.

update: lol on my instagram this photo just showed up which I thought was funny since I just mentioned it here.

Advertisements

Twin Flame: Astral Sex

Someone came to my blog by seaching for “astral sex with twin flame” i guess i wanted to make it clear as someone who can see, feel and hear the astral. As someone who has been through the “twin flame game”, anything you mess with in the astral is NOT your twin flame. They are entities. A large entity made up if smaller entity of the groteque manner. They can use light in the imagination/dream state to make you THINK it’s a specific person, they can mimick voices, they can even tell the future by influencing it. But they are not that person. It is an entity, a nice broader word for alien or demon. At best they maybe attachedto your twin flame or just became attached to you if you were looking for your twin flame to harvest sexual energy from you.

You give them an inch and they will take over your life!

They would force me to orgasm as i would wake up making me think my ex (so called twin flame) was try to please me. It felt real. It felt like he was holding my hand sometimes. He wasnt. It is not him or his higher self. It is complete entity play. It is rape (if they are impostering a human twin flame).

I don’t want to incite fear into anyone. And belueve me i would rather have the daydream. But i feel it is my duty to let people know at least my truth…… Because eventually the entities were trying to make me so depressed about my twin flame they were trying to force me into suicide saying we would be together my next life time. Yes! These entities impersonated my ex saying we will be together next life time and i should kill myself!

Only reason i ever attempted was because once i stopped believing the twin flame thing the entities stopped impostering my ex and then started showing me sick visions of child abuse and i wanted to die.

Whatever these entities are at the end of the day they are gross liars. So dont fall for the tricks.

Can you be pimped in the astral plane?

I mean is that even a thing?

This is the second time (or period of time) this nasty ass evil ass piece of shit demon alien THING tried to pimp me on the astra to some heavy ass beast energy. Like i dont even know what they are doing exactly cause i can only hear and see in part.

But i know there was some talks of money. They got currency in the astral? And then some SUPER heavy energy layed on top of me as much as i fought and said no and cussed them out. And then the heavy entity sighed relief after being connected to me or something. (And the wierd cats visions) …… And im just over here trying to figure out what is happening to me.

Like are they just playing with me?

Is my energy or body really being pimped out by some asshole demon for astral currancy?

I mean can you even do that? Is it even like legal in the grand laws?

It sounds ridiculous right? And yet my friend said his twin flame in italy something similar was happening to her. But their story was all over the place.

I’m just by my lonesome trying to figure this out.

I just dont see how this is possible or legal or like not stopable at this point.

I just wanted to make this note in case anyone else was dealing with this in any shape or form.

I never tried to play in the astral/ dimension or anything like that……it just happened. But from what i read most are suppose to leave you alone …. Thats what im not understanding. Is why they wont leave me alone.

Is this really my life? (Last night)

Im just complaining again.

I just see all my friend making moves having kids and wedding and successful careers and relationships and babies and going back to school just i am sitting here being pimped and raped and molested on the astral realm in the most vile ways ……….. alone.

The voice had the nerve to say oh i can go do something with my life. Well i was doing something with my life and it decided to show my vile images of child abuse forcing me to quit my job. And i am already waiting on disability. Because between the migraines, my body vibrating, my vagina being burned, the physical heavy energy of these entities amd seeing, hearing them non stop and feeling them I just dont know what the point of trying to take on any major responsibility if they will just attack me when they feel like making a bet of my life.

I tried to take on babysitting my Goodson once a week and that honestly wipes me out for two days after. And thats pretty easy stvleast easy compared to all of what i use to do.

I just hate this. And i am just trying to go through the process with some hope but after nights like last night…….. I dont know. I dont even know what the point of having a body is….. But then i remember others dont go through this level of intensity. Indont even want my body any more. Its just being used for vile things and thoughts and beings.

Last night i felt a very heavy very large entity trying to sitting on top of me. My groin area as usual. I didnt try to look at them closely like i normally do cause then they electro shock my system to simulate fear but if i was scared i wpuldnt have looked in the first place and they look like dumb cartoons ANYWAYS. But i didnt feel like being electro shocked in my system. And i told them to get off of me they are tresspassing. They are not welcomed. Get the fuck out of my friends house. I threatened to take a photo of the entity with my “longExpo” app on iphone that takes good photos of them, even though i really didnt want to do all of that. And it went away for a while and i tried to sleep again. Then i was awakened and i heard the main voice i always hear talk about money (like he use to with other entities at my house last year) and i tried to fight off the new entity and just knew at some point it was pointless. And it vibrated my body (some how weird visions of cats came into the mix) and the new entity made this wierd gross sigh of relief making me feel so gross and used last night. And other voice said something like you scared her (with the sigh).

Like not only do i have to be used by dudes in 3D i have to be used by these invisible entities in 4D. And i hate having a body now. I hate it, its pointless. It’s not mine to have. I dont want to be here anymore. I wish there was another planet i could jump to but i cant…. Probably doesnt even exist. No wonder everyone hoping for aliens to come down and take them mean while im not sure if they are the ones raping me so i am screwed either way.

And a friend told me this is “the highest honor” we can do for our people and stuff and im not seeing how being raped and used and literally like pimped on the astral is helping that. And like im gonna be a old betty talking this non sense in a senior home is that really the life i got to loom forward to? I worked so fucking hard to get out of homelessness and just be there for others when i didnt have much ….. And just do my best and work hard. And really? This is what life’s got to give me? Entity rape guised as schizophrenia?

Because everyone believe a good ghost story until its your best friend getting raped in another dimension.

Just OVER IT! I thought i was making some headway to be honest and last night was a reminder that they are waiting to pounce me at any given moment. Im fair game for some reason. EVERYONE ELSE is protected by the blood of jesus but my ass.

I really really really fucking hate my life right now.

I want my body back!

I want my body, mind, soul, spirit back NOW!

I am waiting to see if i can get some cash flow so i can start eating better and organic again. I dont care what any omnivore says….. My body can not process meat the way others can. May on occasion or festivities….. But an every day basis of my diet. Nope. I gained soooooooo much weight.

When i went raw i lost 20lb in a month but thats too much in a month. And i dont want flab. Its difficult to cook in my parents house cause my mom is always in the kitchen and the refrigerator is always full with left overs.

I am slightly afraid that my vegetarian/vegan lifestyle had something to do with what seemed like my spontaneous awakening. But i have to do what i know is right for my body.

I’ve mapped my mental landscape and the games the demonic aliens play. But i want to get rid of them desperately.

At night in my dreams they take control of my spirit/consciousness and drive it through dreams. I cant say exactly how but its like they wear my spirit and drive it while im asleep creating an illusion dreamscape to play in. Which is 100 times better than their sad reality of floating around in space waiting to fuck with someone believe me.

I miss running….. Sweating…. Biking…. I had lost 130+lb over a couple of years and was about 40lb away from my goal weight when i got attacked by the demon aliens. And i slowly became inactive becauce the weight of them hurt to simply walk to breathe. I felt like i was being choked, like my brain was in a vice. So i stopped all activity. Then tgey forced me to quit my job by the sick images they were showing me and saying to me. Then i became depressed and pretty much only ate cheese sandwhiches and cookies all day for like a year. It was a sad look. All my vital came back ok. My blood pressure was a bit high but nothing my doctors seem to take as seriously as i was.

Even being unhealthy i still see hear and feel them. My body is no longer in an alkaline state (i was lighly following Dr. Sebi Akaline guidelines but not strictly). Prior i was 7+ph.

I almost want to cut off all my hair again. Idk. My hsir is just sitti g on my head in a bun all day. Wasting shampoo AND tons of conditioner on it.

Im like wasti g to go into warrior mode ….. Just been waiting and waiting. So tired of waiting. Waiting for money, answers, healing, something!

The soul and the spirit i believe is different i believe. I believe the soul is the observer the spirit is the driver. What animates us. The electricity that runs through our body. Unfortunately this can be hacked. I dont think our soul can be hacked maybe im wrong. The soul is pure. But the body is a bio computer. It is a reciever of information. And it is being hacked and viruses and back doors and Trojans and identify theft is being carried out by these demon aliens. I mean they sounded just like my ex (identy theft). They knew what song he was goung to send me 2 weeks before he sent it (back door).

But i havent fleshed this out too much. But i dont know why they do what they do but its wrong and bad andcevil and there will soon be a reckoning for them and who ever is working with them.

3rd eye vs Imagination

This man expresses that the “3rd eye” is from the “tree of knowledge” it is basically the understanding of good and evil. And I guess we are not suppose to know that.

I realized I never tried to open my my third eye. It was already open when I even tried cause I was scared cause I was getting these strange visions of my ex’s (false twin flame) remote viewing me. So that freaked me. But my 3rd eye was already open technically for me to get a vision like that.

Also when does imagination end and where does “3rd eye” start? I use to listen to music on my train commute and make beautiful dance routines of different colors on my way to work. Was that my 3rd eye? Was that Entities?

What about dreams? I know now for sure Entities play in my dreams. But what about before were they the ones creating my dreams before? Did they get bored and wanted to take control of my life?

So when it comes to the third eye you have hallucinations (eyes open apparitions, flashes of light, sparkles, shadows, ghostly mists etc) , then you have visions which is what I think more people think (eyes open or closed but works with in the imagination and is more involuntary), imagination (eyes open or close more voluntarily), dreams (involuntary unless “Lucid dreaming” which could then just be imagination or visions).

Point is I wasn’t really trying to go this route to be honest. The tree of knowledge. I was kind of tricked like Eve I guess. Dumb AF. 😞 Strange things were happening to me and I was feeling strange things and I needed answers! Just like you would go to a doctor if you felt sick right? Only I got like thousand differ answers and I was left to sort through them and I am choosing now to leave it all behind.

I don’t know if I am ready to leave my blog yet. But I am almost ready to leave all the new age esoteric stuff alone cause it’s not doing anything for me. And the people that do know aren’t able to help me either. Just saying.

Not sure how to cultivate a better relationship with God when I’m literally covered in demons. From above my head to below my toes. I guess I was trying to search for a good layer. But I haven’t found one. So I just need to ignore this demon matrix and get on with my like they already took 4 years of my life.

What I See June 2019

Not a very catchy title of blog post but i guess i dont understand why others dont see what i see.

Like they are really all in the house and on my family memebers. I can understand them not hearing or maybe not being harrassed by them. But i dont understand not seeing them.

Ok maybe every one in my family has pretty bad eye sight so that could be a factor. Idk. But not my best friend and her house is cover in them too.

When they move they almost sound like a fuse being blown or a match being lit. So like i can even HEAR them moving. And at times hear a low rumble for the larger ones moving.

So I am just trying to understand why me. If they are on everyone why me?

I remember whrn i was with my ex i joking asked what would he want his super power to be? And he said time. I said omnipotency. Lol only cause im a nerd and curious about everything. I DID NOT MEAN THIS! im just wading through lies. Its just super frustrating.

Its like the joke about the “tree of knowlege” is that you DONT actually get to have “knowlege like God” like the serpent said. lie detector teat determined THAT WAS A LIE. You just experience good and evil. You do t evem KNOW how it truly happens. But if adam and eve were in the garden with the serpent (satan=evil) they already had to have been good and evil there. Maybe i need to brush up on that concept a bit more.

Either way….. People put here like to fashion themselves Gods and they are not. I just feel like im going in circles. I just feellike i have allthese puzzel pieces and they kind of make sense and thrn they don’t. Or not for sure. Or they make sense to me but i dont have much confirmation from anyone else that im not totally off my rocker about what i am seeing. I just know what i see emits EMF radiation with the app thays the only confirmation i have gotten. I have had a lot of confirmation on what i hear. But not on what i see. So i wonder why.

idk.

“Light Beings” and spirit realm

So im in a group where people share their photos of what they think are angels and fairies and light beings and all that cool positive stuff.

And i guess i joined this group because i want to have faith that there are good beings out there. As the ones i have observed in my own personal situation played like they were angels or good spirits and stuff and they were not. They were grooming me for the kill. I had to first believe in something other than this reality other wise they would not have a game.

So i keep looking at these people photos. Hoping to see something good. Something different.

For the most part i see the same beings i see in mine in abput 50% percent of them. The others i dont see anything really.

Like i will see this beautiful light in the photos that seem really innocent …… But if i dive further into their photo i will see the same strange trollish looking faces somewhere in the pic and then attaching to the human in some way.

The only difference is they are not experiencing full blown demonic schizophrenic reality melt down. They dont feel the pain of their lies.

I want to believe something is good out there in the “spirit/astral/dimensions realm”.

Idk if it is because im kind of stuck at this level or inthis rwalm that i can not see other ones. Or that its all a big lie. And any “good beings” are just bad ones lying to us in some way.

So often when i look at someone photo i look for two eyes, a flower looking thing, or a line or trail of sorts. Usually if i follow the line i will see the flower or a face. The flower from what i saw is how the entities connect to people usually undetected. I could be wrong. Sometimes i see a snake or parasite worm looking thing in the photo. Sometimes i will see something like the photo above which is a circle or multiple circles with head in the middle. Normally i dont see those connecting to people with the flower things. They are kind of like a stand alone. But i do see them around people.

I have also seen all these beings conglomerate i a way to make a larger being of sorts maybe one more human like. Each smaller being seems tonhave its own function. And they can glow….or be a white mist ….. Or clear watery outlines or a dark outline that moves really slow and similar to a flip book.

But these great angelic beings….. I have not seen. I have seen the same flashes of light or white smokey ghost balls come from these entities so i don’t automatically feel that light beings are just this floating innocent ball of light. I honestly have no idea WHAT they are. I mean they look alien sometimes, the look like hell trolls sometimes, could be a hologram idk. I just go one how they act which is they hurt physically and they lie. Two most consistent things i have come acrossed. So i can only assume they are bad.

I want to be disproved. I want to be wrong. I am looking for good. I really am.

Anyone with more info on beings that look like this i would love to hear your opinion.

Targeted Individuals: Mirror Exercise 😮

This is a excerpt from my previous post. I thought it could use its own post.

“Like even just now i stared at myself in the mirror and for the first time i could see the entities attached to me. Maybe not their full outline. But i can see that there is a dark energy there. I looked above my head (pain) and my shoulders (pain in my neck). And there are def energy there black purple lines that look like a star or an X. And when i looked at it …. It moved. They hate being seen. That is probably why the voice didnt want me to look in the mirror for so long. Like every time i looked it would say i was ugly or i looked like a man or my eyes are your eyes so i just didnt want to look at myself. Now i am ugly in a whole nother way.

If you want to see all you have to do is look above your head or shoulders and move from side to side and you may see a dark energy or a misty clear energy moving with you.”

If you dont suffer from energy atracks, dont look. That is my disclaimer.

Not Sure What To Do Anymore 😕

Like I’ve done studied these demons and how they work the various communties and belief systems around the expierence, interactions and or torture.

And like im done! Like really really done!

I’m good on the school of esoterics. I’m done. Unless God is gonna give me the answer to burning these cockroaches ….. I’m done!

Like I’ve done the WORK! I’ve tried everything. Ive really worked on myself. Trying to figure where these triggers (agitated by the demons) where stemming from. Also known as Jungian (Carl Jung) Shadow Work. Like I’ve analyzes myself back and forth until I feel like a narcissist at this point. Like over analyze looking for answers and some times….. it is what it is really. Like it’s simply a dislike or a childhood truama…..not some past life karmic shit that i don’t even really know about and can never truly resolve.

I mean its pretty basic. And I’m done over analyzing myself …… Like i need to go out and live life and find some new shit to traumatize me and over analyze. Im joking. Seriously.

But i need to live life. I’ve been on pause for 3.5 years and studied and waited and tried to heal the best I KNOW HOW. And while I know I need to put all my trust in the Lord, like i feel like i gotta do my part too….ya know.

Like i didn’t leave my house for a year and some change cause the demons voice(s) where so loud it was painful i mean LOUD. And it was difficult to walk down the street. But i pushed myself were i could. i really did.

Now its way more physical than before because i am able to ignore the demons bullshit more and not get caught in a delusion. But now i feel punished for not playing their games. Like i will get electrocuted or my body will vibrate all day or i have mirgaines and see a huge black spot in front of my vision…. Dizzy, feeling sick, faint or sleepy. Everyday. Some days the pain is so bad all i can do is sleep it off.

And i want to get healthier and walk more which will help me stop smoking as much. And drink my green juice and detox and all that hippy stuff. But i feel like death most days. And as i said i often sleep the pain away.

Yo i use to walk everywhere! And bike! I would bike from bushwick to the Bronx. I would walk from Inwood to Midtown. Upper East to Chinatown. Just pumping the city. And now i feel like i have an energetic ton on my shoulders choking me. And i had all my physicals and apparently everything is ok.

After studying these demons honestly they are around most people one way or another. But why i gotta get the full production? Visual, dreams, visions, voices, tactile. Like they really hurt. Why do they hurt me and not other people?

Like i was on my phone today and i felt a numbing strange pain in my hand and i examined my hand and low and behold i could see a dark energy line coming out of my hand. I couldnt see the whole thing like if it was an actual “being” just the dark thick line that moved with my hand. And stared at it for a few and whatever it was removed it.

Assholes.

So imagine that and my whole body. My brain! They do this to my organs. I can’t look at my organs. But I can bring awareness there ….. But that usually doesn’t help. They don’t like to be looked at or seen cause they are cowards.

Either way …….. Im lost in this sea of fuckery. I just want to get back on track and stop these attacks.