My innocence is lost

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How I look

I’ve been so wrapped up in how I feel with this whole schiz Demonic possession thing that I didn’t care how I looked and now that I have a better grip on it and I know who the fuck I AM now I am more concerned with my looks and the fact I let myself go cause I had the shit scared out of me.

I find that I don’t want to see my friends or even go outside because I look so bad worse than ever that they don’t want to be seen with me.

But I realized that’s another layer to get over and to keep me in chains.

So I’m going to have to get over how I see myself and how I think people see me real quick and get back on my health journey.

Damn demons.

It’s Saturday night.

I’ve managed to maintain a level of sanity through I high level of boredom.

High activity = rambling demons trying to conjure up some story of worry. Or torture.

But things have changed due to time not medication.

I sleep most of my day away and that is not much of a life.

But I am grateful.

Sexual in Nature

A new friend I made was telling me her ex 10 years ago who is schizophrenic when he would go into an episode that he would then get naked and “try to have sex with people in the house”.

She wanted me to explain to her more of my experience but I was kind of ashamed of it unless she was going through it my story is for others to not feel alone.

I find that those that don’t don’t experience it will always say that it’s my subconscious and FUCK THAT. It is the enemy. Alien demon archon whatever it ain’t me.

So theses “thoughts” or intrusive thoughts tend to be sexual in nature perverted and demented sexuality. Even the most innocent of moments can and have been perverted. That is why most call it reptilian……. but reptilian is just like the snake in the garden of eden no?

So while I HEAR perverted thoughts I am objective and don’t engage. But I am still tormented.

Why are they sexual in nature? Demented?

I can’t exercise

I told a friend a goal of mine this winter was to get back to exercising and the voices said I can’t exercise with them there.

I know this to be true because I had a few strange things happen on the the treadmill like someone opened up my aura. I got scared. I didn’t know what was happening.

So I slowed down on the running and went to weight training.

But why can’t I exercise with these Demonic beings here? That’s the bigger question for me.

The already cause me schiz and apparently I had a stroke for real which is duh.

So why can’t I they don’t want a healthy body to be attached to? Hmm?

Pressed ❤️

So I’ve been depressed because who the fuck wants to keep blogging about Demonic aliens raping her and ruining here life over and over and over and over in the many different ways I have found to be able to say in HOPES SOMES ONE ANYONE would be able to help me.

Time heal wound I guess….. kinda sorta maybe

Either I invited my ex soul mate (not twin flame) over for Chinese and a Netflix (for real for real) and we watched death note and some other stuff and like just chilled and showed each other each other’s art.

So I kinda felt like a human today of course I needed coffee for this adventure into humanness but it was worth every drop.

There were a few interference from the voices but I brushed them off.

I thanked my ex soul mate for that time we hung out like 8 hr straight. And I needed it. To feel inside myself just being me.