Invisible Abuse (Spiritual)

How do you talk about invisible abuse? Much like all abusers they silence you, keep up a facade and make you look crazy or weak.

While I was working with homeowners during era of abusive mortgage lending practices. We didn’t have a name for it but they all knew their pain, all had the same symptoms. They all had a look on their face, seeing 20, 30, 50+ years of homeownership washed away. We couldn’t name the abusers because everyone’s hand was in the pot. And they had flipped the loan so many times often they were paying the wrong services. This abuse was silent for years, if not a decade. It took hours of storytelling and unraveling tears and trying to make sense do just the tiniest bit of change to come about.

It’s not fair that I can not take my abuser to court. I can not find my own justice because I can not touch an Entity…..a demon. I get labeled as crazy and schizo and given meds that make high and feel like death. Because what I experience “isn’t real”. I’m suppose to take accountability for “allowing the demon in my life”, because I didn’t do enough salt baths, I didn’t eat properly, I didn’t put a bubble of white light around me, I didn’t pray enough, wasn’t Christian enough. And that’s the excuse for abuse…… for spiritual abuse……

Then I go to someone…….a healer in hopes they can name my pain. That someone actually believes me…..relieve me. And often I was met with prices that superseded any church, or anything I’ve ever spent money on. And was told to take my meds and I wasn’t doing “something enough”.

I’m still getting tortured still getting raped. Still being fucked with. Not because I haven’t taken enough salt baths, not because I didn’t try the meds, not because I didn’t gain my “authority” and tell this demon to leave, not because I didn’t pray enough or trust enough….. but because this has yet to be truly named.

I have yet to identify my abuser. Just Mr. Entity that can sound like a guy or girl and look like anything. I have yet to say what this truly is because each sect approaches it differently.

I can see, but I can not see how this all happens. And why me? Or anyone else for that matter.

“Take everything as a lesson!?!?!” Really that’s what you tell someone reliving rape over and over and over again? A lesson? Where’s the lesson for the rapist? Why must the victim always show compassion be the bigger person?

This is spiritual abuse!!!!!!

It wasn’t my fault I got raped! Why do I have to fucking relive it!?

I know how my mind function! This is not me! Saying “that’s your mind” is an excuse and a cop out to uncover some really scary shit! And I live it every fucking day! While trying to keep my shit together!

I just try to ignore the rape now, that’s how common it is. But I can’t.

I’m just tired.


Paranormal Trends

So like………………………..

what’s good?

I spoke about this before in my blog, but many of my guy friends who experience “hearing voices” or demonic experiences believe it is Targeted Individual Mk Ultra stuff covered up by the government.

Like before that it was aliens.

Before that was ghosts.

For that was spirits and demons and angels.

So like what’s really good?

It’s can’t be this many people. And like no one in the whole wide world knows what the heck is going on. When I thought us was some conspiracy the voices rolled with it. When I thought it was demons they rolled with it…… reluctant to roll with the reptilian thing but whatever they fit the profile. Whatever it is they have found a way to stop this shit?!

You know much this shit hurts!? Physically mentally and emotionally!?! Like damn. Like seriously I have felt like my brain was going through a grater. I have been electrocuted. Like damn.

Shit all I wanted to do was be boo’ed up eats some organic fruits and veggies and like live honestly. Shit.

And now I’m out here in the astral plane playing dungeons and fucking dragons and shit. Waste of my life.

They did not tell you this shit in the Bible. They said shit happens AFTER you die. Not while you are living.

So freaking lame.

Creating Spaces: My Magic

So this popped up on my timeline from 2014. Prior to being attack. I have always had an installation arts. I love the idea of having “adult” spaces that brings out the inner child like wonderment. Where you can just be. Or not be.

I also was able to practice this a little bit running a farmers market. There were parameters to it but essentially it was about creating a fun, cultural, family like atmosphere around health.

We had live music, dance classes, cooking classes, gardening classes, tours, contests, giveaways, volunteering. Every Saturday you knew you were going to see a familiar and kind face. A friend. That was part of the magic, the give and the take. The interaction. People left with a bag full of beautiful organic vegetables but also left with memories …. skills…. feeling good.

So I always thought about these things in a grounded ways. I spent long nights before our 8am opening to make sure everything was perfect. That people were going to have a good time and those who were performing (vendors, artists, chefs, interns) had all the tools to do so.

Magic takes work. But it’s worth the memory.

I’m still interested in installation arts. But requires money space. I’ve already priced out one installation and it would cost a lot. Although when I’m not being harassed (rarely) I will mull over more cost effective materials but again with out going too far from my original dream. Mine. No one else’s.



It’s a great passion of mine. Especially after working on issues in this world where people and corporations are so ugly and greedy. You just need some beauty in your life.

Some day when these Entities leave.

Reptilians Sleeper Triggers

“I have found that the DARK, their minions (Reptilian hybrids) and “Unawakened”/“Sleepers” tend to be triggered if one mentions:

– The 144,000

– The Chosen ones

– Twin Flames

– Highly evolved spiritual beings

Their 3D mind misinterprets. They think we are being narcissistic- when nothing could be further from the case. (Empaths are complete opposites from Narcissists). There may be “jealousy” or “resentment” felt, but they do not understand – there is NO “superiority”… There are however those with more experience. Those that already graduated. We are the souls that VOLUNTEERED to assist Mother Earth and humanity at this unprecedented time of Ascention. We heard the clarion call and we answered. We hold the highest vibration of LOVE and we wish to assist planets and their inhabitants to move into LOVE SPACE (The 5th dimension and beyond) with our FREQUENCY. We are experts at being “system busters”. 👍

They don’t realize that we have had the hardest lives of all. 😞 We did so willingly in order to be of service. ❤️

They have and will continue to attack us. They fear what they don’t understand. Lightworkers, stay strong and stand in your power -no matter what they throw at us. We are SO close…It will all be worth it.

😇🙏❤️” – Michelle Krebs Lagerquist


I mean things didn’t “calm down” until I actually hated myself. Like I hate being attacked everyday for two years and forced to see child abuse if I don’t do what they want.


Told to “Go home!”.

I never thought of myself as special. Just someone who struggles like the next and wants to make it a little easier for you than it was for me.

I have no super power other than my undying love for humanity. My faith in God and that some day we will be free.

Other than that, I’m just an average snowflake activist, who can’t bare to see the world go on like this. But positioned to t compromise my beliefs by working against a system while my tax dollars fund many things I do not agree with.

I’m ok with being average or basic.

Two feet firmly planted on the ground. As both average and majestic as a tree. As needed.

But this woman’s post is true soon as twin flame came into the picture this reptilians demon thing lost its ever loving collective psychotic mind. Still does. Still wants to act like him some days too. Even was trying to get me to be “attracted” to reptilians or it particularly. It gets real twisted in these parts.

I can’t believe this is my life.

Voices Snapshot

I noticed my mom seemed kind of bummed out. She’s not the kind of person to tell her emotions so I figured just do something.

My first thought was to maybe tell my dad to do something nice for my mom via text. But then I realized I didn’t have my wifi number anymore. So then I thought I would get her some flowers, even though flowers seem lame maybe they will cheer her up. The voices quickly pounce on me.

Voice 1: I’m tired of this pedophile incest bitch……

Voice 2: what’s wrong with getting flowers for her mother? (This “voice of reason” recently emerged when I stopped fighting with them both. Really I don’t trust it and it’s no different than the other)

Voice 1: (screaming) Die bitch. Your mothers going to die.

Me: I can’t believe I actually have to listen to this shit.

So because I wanted to do something positive and nice I had to hear about how my mom was going to die for little bit after all of that.

I later proceed to go out and buy my mom flowers with my last $10, just to cheer her up a bit. She does so much not sure if she wasn’t feeling appreciated.

Art and Beauty

I need to like go to a gallery and see like beautiful art. Or maybe an installation, that’s more about being. Than seeing.

I just want to be somewhere beautiful and see beautiful thing that aren’t associated with these demons, and trolls and reptilian and aliens and every vile think you can think of.

I was able to weave this into my life before. I mean the are special moments of beauty. But…. it’s just my world ain’t it.

And anytime I try it’s quickly interrupted or argued over.

One times I was listening to music and I almost found my mind drifting off to make a beautiful music video like I use to but then I got scared that the demons were going to try to scare me with child porn again so I decided not to and just listened in anxiety of wanting to but not being able to.

They now fully use my imagination as an expression of themselves. So a wave of the hand in the imagination, or a vision, a dream, or hallucination. I no longer have control of these things like I use to.

And the way they gain control is by stopping me from using it because they kept showing me child porn.

So I thought if I tread carefully that those kinds of things wouldn’t happen. But it doesn’t matter. They do what they do. Their is no way to unsee it. Or any of the trauma of this experience.

But I long for real beauty to be in my life again. Freedom.


“Happiness will bloom

With fragrance and beauty

If you plant the seeds of love

With a deep driving desire

in the garden of hope

And nurture with tenderness,

Compassion, and care;

If you are always eager to share.”

― Debasish Mridha


So when I worked at the organic farm I had a a little plot of land that I had intended to grow kale, bok choi and rainbow swiss chard to give away (and eat). But my last year there someone threw (intentionally or by mistake who knows) and industrial size bag of long beans that choked my garden. I don’t know but it seemed like foreshadowing. I mean I spent days picking each bean out by hand weeded and weeded and it took a good storm and a week for my plot to be overwhelmed again. So I gave up. It was too late and my seedlings didn’t have a chance to grow.

This is what it feels like to be with this Schizophrenic Demonic Entity. Stunted. Oppressed. Intentional as much I didn’t want to think someone would do this to me, that someone would want to ruin my garden and others as well cause it spilled over.

Took all of my will and might to pull myself out of the delusion that my ex sent me some sort of curse because of our break up. Because this demon played me WELL.

But my intentions were there to serve my community, to take care of my body to share my love. And it just got so screwed.

So what are intentions? And years of nurturing myself and allowing myself to be nurtured. Caring like I was cared for. And then BOOM Satan wants to pay a personal visit and convince me I have wings to fly off the cliff, when my mortal body was not and still will never be prepared for this type of abuse.

I know I tried. All my life. And the only answer I can come up with is stop trying at this point. Just accept it as a loss. Grieve. The years of planning my life (yes I had a life map, not ridged but a guide some marks to hit when I can), thrown away because now I’m some demons play toy.

Even through my own pain I try to uplift others when I have it in me. Cause this shit is wack. It’s wrong. It’s the least I can do.

As I write this the Demon Entity threatens to “take my mind away” I guess by not allowing me to express myself as much. But I have no say in the choices they choose to make and have made. Apparently they are “absolved of sin” so they can do whatever they want to me.

It doesn’t change my stance. And it wouldn’t matter if I did.

I get threatened all day if not actually violated. And there is no one that can save me. No one has so far. Im not upset it’s just a stark reality of my particular situation. No matter how much I weed, love and light, plan and stay positive this weed that’s not mine keeps popping back up.

How the Universe Works

Well at least this universe.

So when you go to the beach and a swim and then hang out in the sun this is what’s happening on the highest level I guess.

This is why a nice HOT salt bath are encouraged during a possession as well. I believe baking soda can work as well not 100% sure.

I’m a nerd told you I like the science behind the “myth” or practice.

I heard this tid bit from a show my dad was watching called “how the universe works”.

PS. You have to be SUPER hydrated when you take salt baths alkaline foods or electrolytes I would assume cause you will get super dizzy.

alkaline: lemons, teas, anything green.

Electrolytes: nuts, bananas, oats, sport drinks.

Just to be safe.

I was always told 3 days in a row but it never seemed enough.

Earth Abduction 🌎


Abductions don’t happen off of earth any more. They happen on earth.

Another “dimension” or a matrix is placed over the persons electo-magnetic field. So you then have a false reality or a false spiritual awakening.

These are not spiritual awakenings.

These are abductions and attempts at pseudo possessions aka mind control or worse case scenario a false flag.

An “abductees” electro magnetic field, surface of body and organs are penetrated with what most know as Archons. Archons are round semi flat disc that can move around. They are bio technology. These Archons can project images, become portals, and build settings of sorts like a false chakra system.

They are toys and bio technology weaponry. Very few limits to what this can do. Now I have seen Reptilians projected at my field but I have not seen them actually. I have actually seen a little alien head in my house and I smacked him out my sick sisters room with a bible. Wasn’t too happy about that.

So I’m not sure if the tiny little greys are actually working for reptilians or it’s bullshit torture brogan they hide behind. Because there seems to be so many layers to the lie. Do reptilians even exist on this planet or are they being projected as an overlay system?

Do the greys just ensure that the Archon Bio Technology is working properly like maintenance dudes? Cause they seem to be walking among us, but the reptilians seem to be attacking from another dimension which is fucked up.

Emery from outside is involved as well so there is energy/”entity” entering my home from outside and attacking from outside like they found a loophole by not entering but letting there tenticals get in here.

I’m trying to understand this all from inside the illusion and confusion. So I am open to being wrong. But this is what I am seeing. I just want to be better. And I just cussed out ol’ grey alien dude out for trying to call me fucking lazy. Which sparked this post so. Whatever.

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