Running out of Games

After this entity was revealed not to be my “twin flame”/ ex, it has attempted to latch on to all my weak spots. Still trying to act like my ex, still treating my mother.

Its played almost every person in my life in one way or another to “shame” me even when or if shame or guilt was not there.

Sometimes I fall into the trap of my ex. I miss him. But I have to stay strong as to not allow this thing to consume me more than it already has. 

My energy is depleted. 

He has gotten “quieter” but still talks all day and night. Still does things to my body, still pursued my thoughts, flashes images, curses, still bargains still plays games.

I looked for help and he tried to use that person as a “play” as well role playing with himself to scare me from contacting this person again.

Since many of their other games have played out and he latches on to a few story lines he will switch between a few different ones through out the day in which he ,”thanks me in advance” for. 

  • My Ex (“twin flame”)
  • My Mom (guilt)
  • Forcing me to moving away for my mom or my ex interchangeable.
  • Dying of sexual abuse
  • “Getting Made” – basically talking shit/ whonhas the better comback argument back and forth. Being put to “shame”. Shade. 
  • “Paying” (“karma” bs)
  • There are a few others

What’s strange is that this language, lingo or concepts…. many of them are not even mine or ones that I use…. So its difficult to say this is mental illness. 

    Honestly as much as this thing uses my ex’s name and image I hope that there is no manifestation on his part. I wrotey ex telling a little bit about what was happening, just in case the same thing was happening to him. But I also blocked him so I couldn’t receive a message back. Not so much because I didn’t want to be triggered, but because I didn’t want anymore “storyline” for this entity to latch on to. He is constantly begging me to unblock him from my email. But I won’t, and never will. Maybe one day I will be able to explain everything that happened but for now, this is what I have to do. 

    At times I wonder why this thing is obsessed with my ex and I . He wanted to feel powerful…. Cool. He needed a way back in. 

    He constantly screams and gets himself agitated over the smallest things, unless he wants to be “sexual” with me energetically (which is why I thought he was an incubus). 

    In a way I’m starting to think they are all the same thing, just different masks. “Demons”, “incubus”, “entity”, “ghosts”, “aliens” ect… All just playing with people for fun.

    But only God knows. 

    Wool over my eyes

    I see sparkles/orbs/flashes of lights from the “entity”… I use to think they were angels but really it was a “curse” or some sort of magic trick to make me do/feel/see/smell/think something in advance.

    The entity took my “happy place”. Its difficult for me to image the things I enjoy imagining, like listening to music and picturing beautiful choreography. 

    I notice when this is difficult there is this energy atoundvmy eyes …. Almost feel or seems like pulsating. Its easier for the “entity” to flash images of people cartoons and other things that I wish to not see. They are almost like a waking dream … Even if I open my eyes the image is still strong. 

    When I was at the beach, where ibonce saw beautiful patterns in nature they turned to hearts …. And penises πŸ˜©πŸ˜’. 

    One night I had a strong visual where was a flash of light a perfect square above my campsite then I saw a images of “shadow figures”, there were other things that happened but for the sake of visuals I will leave it at that. 

    He said he want to take away my creativity.

    “Feelings”+. “Energy”

    The thing said that “energy is illusionary”. I disagree.

    I noticed that when he puts me in “fear”, I have this need to go smoke. When when he sexually zaps my energy or makes me I have this need to go eat. Or its the impulse is to go do anything after this thing plays with me. 

    While I know that some of the “feelings” that this thing tries to impose are not normal fight or flight feelings. They do not feel like the ones I am use to. While I am able to learn something from them, I know they are false.

    This includes the feelings I had for my ex who I thought was my twin flame. I felt out of control, because I was. Because the feeling wasn’t normal or how I am use to acting. And what worried me was that I couldn’t shake it. 

    The thing said he “turned me all the way up” when I was with my ex which was closer to lust and obession (as much as I wanted it to be love, or turn into it). This is much similar to to how this entity “turned me all the way off”, by threatening me with hyper sexuality, and extremely grostesque thoughts (it worked, but hasn’t stopped him from doing so). 

    Today, made me have a dream about masterbating in front of everyone, even controlled what I said in my dreams.

    You will pay

    This entity is always speaking of what I will “pay for” (illusionary karma). 

    “You pay for your family”

    “You pay for your ex (who I thought was my TF)”

    Those are the main two but this idea of paying for something or imposed suffering is BS. Life hasn’t been easy (although I tried to make the best of it), but never have I experienced something that wants to impose. 

    Thoughts/images imposed, “self” conflict. 

    Almost like hearing a song in your head randomly. This is not to say, that there aren’t positive aspects or other don’t have positive experiences. But mine has not been that. 

    “There is no way to get rid of this” he said. 

    I beg to differ. 

    Remove if not transform.

    Honestly, I don’t think I’m anyone special. I just humbly work and will hopefully love again one day.

    But what is so special about me that this thing needs to follow me, turn my life upside down, isolate me so it can have me all to itself. Sadistically.

    Do not forget

    I will not forget what this entity has done in my life. 

    Even though he now wants to be my god. 

    My God is loving, forgiving. 

    My God is and will always. 

    My God does not act or have many faces. 

    My God is direct and does not bargin.

    So when this Slug Entity comes in trying to rule my life for amusement, we have a problem. 

    I don’t need to explain myself anymore. 

    More Bullshit


    “This is your last year in NYC” he said. 

    “Go ahead debunk the whole twin flame thing” he said.

    “People probably need it, rather than going through this hyper sexualization” I said.

    “People are probably going through it already because you are suppose to be MARRIED!”the thing said. 

    “People don’t want to get married anymore.” I said. 

    “Why do you think that is?” The thing said. 

    “Probably because dark energy comes in a fucks it up anyway”I said. 

    “Ok you’re married, you are married” the thing said. 

    ——————————–

    This thing tries to dangle things/wants/ status quo in order to make me continue to deal with this bull shit. 

    “Wait till you see me pay!” He said. 

    Sometimes he threatens to “pay back”to my ex. Other times he makes it seems like my ex will pay for a wedding. Or other things he thinks I want. 

    I don’t want ANYTHING from this thing at all after what I went/am going through.

    It doesn’t equate. It was a disgusting experience. GROSS and wanting something out of it is not ok. For me. 

    Next Steps

    I’ve been wanting to warn my loved ones about what I am going through with this entity. At the same time I don’t want to scare anyone into to actually giving thought/ energy to this thing.

    I’ve been wanting to warn my ex as well. Because for so long it has foretold things my ex was going to do (like contact me, things on his Facebook). So I don’t know if this thing afflicted my ex as well. 

    Now it is practicing my mothers voice, now that I “gave up” my ex formerly reffer to as my twin flame. He threatening my mothers well being, which she is currently recovering from a heart attack. 

    Complete isolation. To what means I’m unsure.

    I also at the same time I do not want to contact my ex and make another connection. Once he called me and told me that he mistakenly said my name to his girlfriend a few times, i also know he heard “telepathy” one time cause he responded to a random question I asked my mind, and a few times this thing told me to get off the phone with a guy I was talking to and my ex called, also called me a HoneyTree for a few weeks and my ex sent me a song called the honey tree which he said was his fav song. We were broken up for a while then. He also called me another time and asked if i was feeling paranoid or something else (which was random) so I don’t know if he was feeling paranoid and trying to see if I was feeling the same way or trying to command this thing. 

    Again i am unsure what it all means with this thing. I dont know if this thing is afflicting me and him, just me and not him. Part of me wants to let him know… other part doesn’t want to look anymore cray than I feel or again create another cord of connection to him.

    Even though I “let go” and gave up my ex, this thing keeps trying to latch itself in the concept of this man. While still to threatening my family.

    I mean I’m not afraid, annoyed at best.

    You want to pass the test?…. Move away!!!!!” He just said.

    You gonna go night night because you won’t stop smoking.”

    There is no test, karma is bullshit… At least this version. This thing frivolously latches on to whatever he can in my life. The flow of karma energy and lessons do not have the same frantic energy.

    I have been in situations where I later realize that wow even though the situation wasn’t ideal for me I understand where the other person was coming from. It may take a few weeks… May take years. But “karma” doesn’t need a “show” or a “play” or to feel “powerful”. Karma just an understanding of another point of veiw through an experience.

    So now I am alone. 

    I am ready to fight. 

    I am me. 

    Scooby Doo MysteryΒ 

    • I’ve noticed that the entity only foretells the passing or health crisis of people on my moms side of the family and not my fathers at all. 
    • It’s been with me since I was young the furthest I can recall seeing a shadows is when I moved to NYC when I was 15. But there is a possibility that it was there prior.
    • I think the entity is obsessed with me because it used my ex to make me obsessed with it, And use my childhood fear (molestation, sexual abuse) to turn me off from being with anyone else.

    I will update this periodically.

    • Does not believe in God and wants to convince me there is no God.
    • Might be a “fallen angel”, demon of some sort. 

    Entity won’t Let Go

    “I will never leave you, I will never let go, you can’t get rid of me” this entity said. 

    “Wait till you see me.” The entity said. Everything is so enigmatic.

    “I want to use you up dear, I don’t care how long it takes.”

    “Move away for “lord have mercy” (my mom) or “great day”(my grandma who recently passed away)”

    “Now you are paying for “lord have mercy”.

    “If you leave everyone will thank you.” 

    “No they won’t my mom told me I shouldn’t” I said.

    “She meant the opposite!” The entity said.