The Divine Feminine?ย 

The only image missing here is like the Angel Goddess warrior one.

Have you noticed in spiritual forums, or like most inspirational quotes they are mostly like some young caucasian lady having some ethereal bliss like moment saying “just go with in”. 

Except ……… it looks more like years of tears and all of your insides spilling out and probably a few episodes of the Sinad O’Conner break down  …… And staring at your therapist never getting past a, “how was your day?” conversation. 

What IS the “spiritual” community selling with this idea of awakening like it’s DMT trip or finding “peace” ……. And what it really is …. Is loosing everything you love and ever ounce of sanity you thought you had left. And the world looks much more bleek…. As if you needed more confirmation.

In the same breath…. When you are having sick visions in a world where sick shit happens all the time …. Then Yea, escaping into some beautiful image helps (helped me), but can we get some more diversity?

How about a latina grandma on a sofa drinking coffee and telling you “fuck that bullshit!”. I don’t know I’m vulgure. I guess that’s how I picture myself. Only I’m not Latina…. Or a grandma… But whatever.

On Kundalini ๐Ÿ

I saw this in a forum and this really hit the mark for me. 

——————-

โ€‹โ€œWatch out that no one deceives you. For many will come in my name, claiming, โ€˜I am the Messiahโ€™ and will deceive many.โ€ Matthew 24:5

โ€œAt that time, if anyone says to you, โ€˜Look, here is the Christโ€™ or โ€˜There He isโ€™, do not believe it. For false Christs and false prophets will appear and perform great signs and wonders that would deceive even the elect.โ€ Matthew 24:23

โ€œSo when you see standing in the holy place โ€˜the abomination that causes desolationโ€™, spoken of through the prophet Daniel โ€“ let the reader understand โ€“ then those who are in Judea flee to the mountainsโ€ Matthew 24:15-16

There are many who worship the 3rd eye as their personal god instead of using it properly, as a tool. Daniel 11 explains the kings of the North and South poles of our chakra system. The chapter begins with the 4th, 5th and 6th chakras of the North, the fourth king is the Crown, much richer than the other kings. The mighty king that will arise is what we call our higher self. 

The king of the South is the lower self. The commander from the South is the ego. The daughter of the Southern king (energy) is betrayed with her royal escort (kundalini) and father and the one who supported her (ego). Their next attack was successful. The South will take their gods and their silver and gold to Egypt. Egypt symbolizes the lower region of the chakra system as explained in Exodus. 

Valuables made of gold and silver represent carnal minded alchemy. The provisions of the king and the desecrated temple is the fruit in the Garden of Eden and the pineal gland. It relates to the desolation of Eden. This entire chapter relates to the internal spiritual battle of an egocentric person. 

โ€œHe will confirm a covenant with many for one โ€˜sevenโ€™. In the middle of the โ€˜sevenโ€™ he will put an offering. And at the temple he will set up an abomination that causes desolation, until the end that is decreed is poured out on him.โ€ Daniel 9:27

โ€œThe two kings, with their hearts bent on evil, will sit at the same table and lie to each other, but to no avail, because an end will still come at the appointed time.โ€           Daniel 11:27

โ€œHis armed forces will rise up to desecrate the temple fortress and will abolish the daily sacrifice. Then they will set up the abomination that causes desolation.โ€                  Daniel 11:31

It is not supposed to be seen as an idol. Opening the 3rd eye and rising in consciousness do not guarantee your salvation. If you take your focus away from God, believing in your own power, it is the abomination that Adam and Eve, the ancient cultures (Hindus, Egyptians,  etc), committed, mentioned in Matthew 24:15.

By, Ryan Archer

๐Ÿ‘‘ Your Crown ๐Ÿ‘‘

In the beginning of all of this. 

After I took the cleansing bath. 

The “Entity” said A LOT of things. I mean it still does. And I am usually sitting here with my head cocked to the side like HUH?!. 

Still trying to learn to ignore it because none of it means anything and even it it HAPPENS to make some sense by some mere coincidence…. Oh fucking well. Nothing was worth this experience and it was a waste of my life and time. 

๐Ÿ‘‘ I was fresh out the break up in the summer of 2015, living with a friend, trying to keep my shit together. I was making sure to go to the gym more since I was bored and wasn’t biking to work as much. 

I remember this moment on the treadmill that I felt my head or what people would refer to as the “crown chakra” feeling it was “opening up”. I was a little worried. I had these strange “gong” headaches i even went to the doctor for, but everything came back normal. I was also worried that the IUD that I had gotten for extra protection with my ex was causing my blood pressure to rise and I went into Google Doctor mode to make sure. So I later got the IUD removed (as much as the doctors tried to convince me to leave it in). 

So this feeling on the skull that was just like my head was wide open. As I was on the treadmill had me a bit concerned. But I just went along and was pushing myself physically to stay healthy for my job.

In 2016 fell into the episode, delusion …. This “Entity” had already laid the grown work, prepped and groomed me. Already had attached this story line to my ex as my “twin flame“. As telepathy, the perfect cover. 

I was at my job and the “Entity” said in the voice of my ex, “Remember who gave you your crown.”

I had looked up why my head would be feeling like this. “Soul Star Chakra“…. “Halo / Crown”, ect… So many explanations. This Entity acting as my ex (“twin flame”) wanted to say he gave me all these things “crown” before being “initiated” and eventually “married” to my ex. This Entity wanted to “give” me all these illusions or hopes or whatever so it could take it away. And quickly put on what felt like an energetic “harness” to make me sit up straight and “act like a lady”.  

Another moment at my job, the Entity said, “she needs a new vessel.” Meaning, my soul, spirit needed to be in another body for my ex to love me. (Crazy shit I know.) But again this was grooming for the suicide it tried to force me into. Said I needed to, “Die for (my ex’s name) by means of child molestion”. So it was going to keep showing me sick images until I committed suicide. 

But things were sick, abusive, it didn’t stop…. It was constant…. It was crazy…. Scary…. Debilitating.

In retrospect, I realized that my crown wasn’t being given, but being taken away, or blocked as my life became extremely instable. 

I can’t say where it exactly began. But I know where thing got crazy. Which was 2016. Right after questioning and trying to stop this obsession with my ex that I did not feel connected to. 

I know I tried my hardest in all of this. Peeling back any delusions. And I will continue to try to resolve this in the best ways I know how. That’s all I got, with all I know.

But no this “entity” never gave me anything. Never will. Just some tricks and some lies, while it takes what it needs to give it self a reason to stay here. 

Illusion of Seperation

So!

Do not mistake “the voice with in” for channeling. Do not mistake your magic for the magician.

Often I believe that visuals of how we receive information. Stories, mythology, religious/ spiritual material, what people tell us, anything really.

How we receive this information may not be as intended. I mean the words are there. How its applied or filed in our system is another thing. 

We know our intentions. For the most part. ๐Ÿ˜ž

Yea Yea Yea all is one. Ebb and flow. We effect each other. I get it. 

But in the spiritual community there are A LOT of imagery! We hold on to these in one form or another. 

For instance. “The voice with in” … “Your magic is with in” “contacting your “higher self””.

Why on earth would you be seperared? Fractured? Lost to find pieces of yourself in some dimensional hierarchy. 

What that is saying is that YOU are not perfectly made. Sitting with yourself means talking to yourself or something else… Some other part of you thats just been waiting for you to meditate?

No. 

People out here thinking they connecting with some divine God or Goddess, promise you that’s a big NAH. Promise you it ain’t your loved one that passed on. Anything will step in and give you comfort, meaning, a direction ….. For the mean time.

A lot of these concepts have this underlying tone that YOU …. YOURSELF aren’t able to make decisions for yourself…  Because you are separated. 

And if you think that….. promise something else will step in and start making those decisions or reconciliations for you.

I made that mistake. Not consciously. I wanted to know WHY did I feel different! Not myself! And it was because I wasn’t. I was being prepped, to be taken control of. 

You are not some little whispering voice deep down inside of you. You are not separated from yourself in anyway…. In this sense that the “higher self” is something to obtain through hours of meditation. It is making the best decisions for yourself/others. And being OK with and accountable for that. 

Now I mean for me…. As someone who has an “entity attachment” that has basically said it was every god, goddess, demon, alien, spirit guid, entity, cartoon character, loved ones passed and alive, even my fucking cat….. Anything under the sun. I can see where sitting down and shaking these “entities” off so you breathe and make a decision not based in anxiety. I get it. 

But please do not mistake your own guidence, your own feelings, your own true and whole authentic self….. For anything out here wanting to take control of your life. 

So lets groumd some of these concepts back into reality. Fuck that blue guy crumbling and being “rebirthed”. Fuck that orange and blue twin flame photo about divine love cause love does look like some flaming bird people. Its messy.

Believe me its easy to get caught up in the story. It could be anything. But don’t let anything catch YOU!

Hidden Place

If you can’t tell from the titles of my posts I am a huge music buff. Since all of this hearing screaming and lyrics all being directed toward some instance in my brief relationship with my ex (“twin flame”), I haven’t been able to truly enjoy digging for music as I use to. 

I mean I can listen to anything from trap to classical. 

Either way, right now the entity is at a volume say ….. 15% ish like it turns up on the TV at night when it wants to play. Or does that whole dramatic screaming thing. But the one that is (I think) is projecting all of this nonsense that’s actually attached to me doesn’t want to speak directly much now.

Just drive me insane with these false characters (idk I call them energy bubbles). While it trying to control MY THINKING and response. So it uses these other things as a way to distract me so that it can influence my response.

Same themes. Child abuse, My Ex, (are the most talked about) but also just plain old disgusting sexual stuff, death, illness, racism, threats. 

I mean I can take a dirty joke here or there but SHIT!

So now its in hiding again. 

When I found out it wasn’t God (I mean I knew that but whatever), Jesus, Alien, My EX, shit mother fucker ain’t even important enough to be SATAN.

So when I started asking WHO are you?

WHAT are you?

It started turning down in volume cause it done ran through everyone and I disproved it.

Now it wants to quietly run my show. 

But no fuck that it needs to go back to where ever it came from. It needs to leave.

I wish I would have recorded my body earlier but oh well. Like all this electric noises should not be coming from my head and vagina.

So I want to make sure this thing is GONE no more hiding and waiting after I worked so hard to fuck my life up. 

Nope GONE. 

Coward.

๐ŸŒน Forgiveness + Understanding ๐Ÿƒ

As I said before in a previous post. I didn’t do anything to deserve this. 

Much like people who have “done me wrong”, I try to understand them. I might “demonize” them in the beginning because I need to get out of the situation that doesn’t feel good, but soon at some point my mind tries to figure things out…. What did I do? What did they do? How can I do things differently in the future?

So now I am in a situation, where I hear and feel and see some “entity”….. But I can’t truly prove it (even with recordings someone will say its doctored), I can’t defend myself, and I’ve never truly seen it. Only images/ visions. 

I’ve tried to understand from almost ever perspective. I try to understand why this entity (much like the other people in my life, friends, family, lovers) hurt me. Usually this leads to compassion and letting it go either the issue or the person.

But I truly tried to figure this one out. Why I did this entity attack? What did I do to allow this to happen? What is IT? Why is this happening to so many people all over the planet?

The only thing is that…. I can’t let it go. I don’t know how to. And it will not let me go. And I just lay here waiting for that day….. And wasting my life listening and feeling crazy shit all day.

As much as I would like to say it was past life, or karma, spirit guide, awakening or whatever…. I can’t. Yea the each have been woven into a grand “storyline” to distract me from the main question.

Why did you hurt me?

Each day it makes less and less sense. And I just have to be OK with that. Because it never truly does. 

Update I posted in a forum:

“In forgiveness there must be understanding …. And through compassion from understanding …. Are we able to achieve true forgiveness…. Because we see ourselves in them.”
How to do you heal and forgive in a lie?

Everything will be used against you

That means EVERYTHING.

Everything said, didn’t say, thought, didn’t think, do or didn’t do, seen or didnt see, believe or don’t believe will be and can be used against you. 

WHY? To confuse the shit out of you!

I look at (most things) things from its purest form. To understand.

I look at these concepts of karma, or past lives, or religion, or mythology, in its purest form was for healing and or preservation. 

Its when all this other stuff cones in a clouds its meaning and intention. 

Say religion/ belief of any sorts…. Is kinda the first form of science and expression of psychology.

But then comes power …. And you can draw your own conclusions from there.

My beliefs were used against me in this experience. Whether it was/is beliefs in the “spirit world” or God, morals, politics etc. Good or bad…. They were all used to my demise ….. For pain and torture. 

For instance this thing acted as my grandpa twice in my 20s …. I held this moment special… I thought my grandfather or papa legba was watching over me. Or something to that extent. It wasn’t developed thought as it was a passing moment. But it was this demon/ spirit/ voice/ broken part of my brain. Whatever.

To my demise (against me) because it was untrue. It was false. It was not my grandfather …. Or legba (both wore hats that’s why I was confused). It was a test of my nativity….. And I’m sooooooooooooooooooooooooo dumb. 

So I’m stuck here between truth and ignorance. 

Not a fun place to be. Its painful. Sometimes …. Often I wish for the dream……. the ignorance back. Obvious reasons. But what is truth? I’m not trying to burst anyone’s bubble…  I mean that can be dangerous with out proper preparation. But do we ever truly get to prepare for life? Sometimes.

Just trying to stay grounded and authentic.

Authenticity and Healing

1. I am not sure it was an implanted belief or not. But at some point I had this…. Idea that I am suppose to pray and wait for this Entity/ Demon thing to leave. 

Some days I would just walk around chit chatting with this thing like we are besties letting it drain me of my energy. And then it shows me an image of child abuse or does something gross or rapes me in my sleep. And then I go back on my quest to get rid of it.

I’m tired and very confused at this point.

So I had to get rid of this guilt about looking for a solution for my own healing. That I looked outside my faith in God it was dark magic. 

Not all methods or concepts of healing or protection I fully understand. So there are some ideas that go against my belief or experience.

I finally came to my own conclusion…. Whatever this thing is….  Entity, alien, demon, djinn……  Why would God want me to sit there and take it and not fight back anyway I can? Why I sit here and act like this thing is my friend when really its draining my life force, showing me sick shit and using Gods name to control me. Why would God be upset that I tried to find healing, understand it or create it?

2. Being as I have researched this Entity Attachment from EVERY possible angle and belief system…. Its been difficult to figure out what mode of healing works best. I’ve tried many. I’m also upset that people took my money with out ever really helping. But it’s not that simple it seems. And I feel like I have to fully understand energy, mysticism and healing for myself to get rid of this thing.

I mean I’ve studied herbs and nutrition, as well as financial and community health….. But now spiritual health it seems like I will have to dive into. I’m strong enough in myself. I think………… Its just this attachment will make it difficult to really study. I can barely read anymore ….  That’s why I write. 

I’m sick of being bullied and defenseless.

3. My experiences don’t always corelate with a single “belief system” or knowledge base. So figuring out what something REALLY is …. Can be tricky. But I also like understanding how or what it may corelate with OTHER belief systems as well.

Example: I see flashes of light/ sparkles. 

Belief #1: your angels are around you.

Belief #2: your auric field is being attacked by an entity.

Belief #3: your eyes/brain needs to be checked. Retina damage or floaters.

Belief #4: ascension upgrades/ coming into your “gifts”.

These are all different and kind of conflictibg. I am sure there are even more beliefs around this one experience…. But finding what is true at least for me. And while I have found so many half truths…. I haven’t found any whole truths just yet.

(I’m being choked into tears as I write this right now) What are the importance of tears anyway? I try to stop. I hate crying now because it doesn’t feel like a release anymore it feels like manipulation. 

4. Maintaining authenticity. In one group…. Someone is telling me I need to stop drinking coffee…. Stop doing this or that…. Don’t listen to certain music…. Surrender…. Don’t be at meat, Just wait it out….. “You are going through a storm to recieve your blessing type amen”…… Like I don’t know y’all. 

I have to be myself. I like coffee, cigarettes, listening to Flatbush Zombies and I’m pissed off. If course I want to better myself! But its just doesn’t feel right just stripping my life of everything I enjoy…. And sitting here and waiting it out. That is no different than this Entity. 

I have to re learn what works for me …. Considering my life circumstance right now (ie. Entity and watching my twin sister). 

But my priority is healing and removing this entity because I think he got confused somewhere down the line.

Just trying to stay grounded…. But also open. 

1111 Movement and “Spirituality”ย 

Twin flames, Angel Numbers, Arch Angels, 1111 movement, “Light Workers”, ect.

I came into 1111 “movement” thing because since I was young I saw flashes of light and sparkles, when I was around 28ish basically I started seeing the 1111 along with 777 everywhere. 

I always loved symbology as an artist so. When I found out that the flashes of light AND the numbers popping up meant “my angels were around me”. I felt comforted as not too long before some dude attempted to rob me at my job.

I finally found an answer to the flashing lights that wasn’t a tumor…. And a reason for everything in my life coming up 777 receipt, bus fare, numbers on my spread sheet. Insane. But that’s part of the game. 

Still not fully understanding (and still not), in 2016, those “angels” became “demons”. Who once had my trust played all kinds of games and tortured me. And there was one. Just one cause I’m not that special. Just one that played so many characters through the delusion. 

So unfortunately ive some to my own conclusion that this angel, love and light, 1111 movement is just a distraction and is based on a lie. If they were actual angels of love and light…. Great. But they are not. They are not assisting anyone in evolving or ascending or whatever you want to think.

Thinging you “ascending to 5D earth” or this whole “clearing karma” is not much different than the “doomsday peppers” or judgment day or rapture. Like that guy who predicted we were all gonna die on 12/12/12. Cheat you out of your life and work. 

They do the same thing with other beliefs and religions it seems.

Its sad that a beautiful concept is now being used to entrap people into a lie. Like how many people are out here talking and channeling “Arch Angel Micheal” ? Doesn’t he have better things to do than to be giving tarot card readings? Maybe I’m just being too logical.

I’m not fond of lies. I mean that’s why you even go to a tarot card reader? To find out the truth right? Meanwhile you are boldly being lied to.

This guy gave me a book to read “Conversations with God” trash. That ain’t God! I haven’t finished it cause this demon keeps making it gross like everything else…. But I’m gonna finish it before I trash it.

I wish I knew the answer cause I would tell you, but these things are out here deceiving people. No you are not invoking Isis, Ochun, Thor or anything else. They are a lying to you. 

Now if they want to tell the truth…. Cool we can have a conversation. But the only way they will is if they make it seems like they have power over you. That they are greater than you. And Yea they have a few tricks for our brain…. But if they were really that amazing there would be no need to lie or hide or hurt people and call it “Ascension symptoms”. Ain’t no light worker helped with this shit yet. All they doing is making pretty crystal grids and praying to their own demon while taking peoples money. 

Getting tired of the bullshit. 

My assumption is that they are pathetic lonely beings all going to the same school to spook people…. Cause they ain’t got nothing else better to do with their formless existence but try to cheat you out of yours.

Spirituality does not mean sitting her playing with fucking spirits. It means being aware of your own. 

You want an awakening. There it is. 

Wake the fuck up!

Boogie man

Now this mother fucker is seeping into my dreams. 

Volume at 20%. Still feel buzzes, still hear white noise and tones. Sometimes it will make my hearing go out like a gone…. And then turn up in volume.

But now its putting nasty porn and children in it in my dreams. It trys to say its because it doesn’t want me to sleep so much and wants me to wake up. But that’s a fucking lie. Its jolted me out of my sleep, plus my sister wakes me up all the time. I was up all day taking my sister and my cousin who was hurt in a hate crime.

Piece of nasty shit. 

Like I’m fucking done waking up pissed cause of this shit. Before it choke me until I was unconscious and go to sleep …. No its sayibgbit wants me to stay up by showing me nasty ass porn?!!? If I wanted to fucking see I would its easy. So clearly I don’t. 

There is no excuse.

These spiritual people are like send if love and light. You know what this thing did with love? Turn into rape. You what this this thing did to light turn it into lies.

I need to figure out how to banish this thing. Its disgusting. There is no reform for it. It does not gave permission to be here and I’m tired of seeing these sick images. Fucking nasty.

How do I kill this miserable piece of shit?!!?!