December Intensified

So tonight I was looking at a gift for my friend. For whatever reason the Entities made me sleepy. I didn’t fight it. I pick my battles, sleep is not one of them.

So I woke up to a voice saying “he got hit by a car”, I assumed this was my ex (soul mate not false twin flame) because before we broke up he got hit by a car and I took care of everything. That’s why I was so shocked that he wanted to see other people (be polyamorous) all of a sudden because I played that wifey roll HARD. Anyway so I was awakened by that comment and only assume that it was about my ex but I can’t say for sure.

Then I was looking into the darkness with my eyes closed and I could see these Entities floating and spinning around. And one like SHOT out of my direction like it didn’t want to be seen or wasn’t suppose to be there. And that one almost looked like it swam off. Then I saw another one close to me. I could see their features more ….. umm a bit more 3D as opposed to a flat image I normally see. And then one of them took their straw thing and blew some black hairball mass (sorry best I can describe it) into my eyes to cover up seeing them. I was maybe 10% out of my cool only cause I could see them REALLY clear and bright. Might of been about 3 of them for sure. Maybe more not sure.

This week has been intense. Just more sparkles, migraines again, more seeing the watery clear misty energy around me.

Like this shit is hella fishy and something is not adding up.

I mean they purposefully woke me up right? So why would they make it seem like I caught them doing something to me (which was probably making a pointless Dream)? But I mean if you know you are going to wake me up out of my sleep then I would assume that you would handle your business of covering your tracks if you don’t want to be seen.

Be honest I don’t care either way. But I’m not playing this bullshit game. I’m just logging it here for me.

So they put me to sleep, only to wake me up maybe an hour or so later, to act like they accidentally revealed themselves to me and do their little blow straw thing at me at my actual eyes or third eye to hide themselves?

Shit ain’t adding up!

AND I have seen many different types of Entities so far but all of these ones today seemed the same. So I wonder if they are just wearing costumes. Again, why would they completely reveal themselves to me? It’s just one lie after the other after the other why wouldn’t their appearance not be a lie too? One thing that seems to be consistent is that these Entities have a ring around them. This ring I almost feels like it may cloak half their body or up to their head and helps them move around. Idk I could be wrong. But that’s what it looked like.

I can’t believe I can’t find anyone I can really bounce this shit off of. I listen to a lot of different people who actually talks about this stuff. But again they only have part so far. Or I would have to pay money to have a convo with them about this. Or our theories don’t align at some point. Which is fine. But I mean idk.

Heeeeeelp!!! Lol

What Dreams May Come: Dreams, Visions and “The Astral Plane”

So let’s start this off with….. a healer that I watch said we can call back our fragmented consciousness but just stating this through meditation. So I did that (hey why not I just want to get rid of this!) and then I’m laying in bed and I had a REALLY bright vision of a Latino man, and h said “this her landlord, it’s time to go!”. The more silent voices (or what would be deemed as (false) subconscious thought) tried to convince me this was Jesus. 😳 lol yea I know.

Now I’m down for Jesus. But it’s crazy shit like this that makes me feel like this is just a big joke. So I was aight Jesus told you to go…. GO!. Go with Jesus. I just observed to see what was happening and of course the voices/entities had to put on a big production because believe it or not they are absurdly dramatic to the point of comedy. So I sat their waiting to see if “Jesus” took these fools away. And I had to sit there listening to them scream as I try to fall asleep.

So, Jesus lol did not take them away and they just was playing out a play and playing in my mind because their existence of just floating around in space is miserable I guess.

Another reason I know this vision wasn’t Jesus is because 1. It hurt a bit and 2. It jolted/startled me. I think if Jesus knows me and is my “landlord” He would not have hurt me or frightened me. BUT this vision was the brightest I have seen in a while. So my assumption is that it is a different entity. The one that is with me constantly over the last few years since this attack started is very dark and dim. Even the dreams they make are dim or darker tone than I am use to. AND the one that is here all the time i mean is CONSTANTLY giving me dreams and visions. I mean so selfish enough to wake me up 2-3-4 times a night to keep me in the REN cycle so it can play in the dream state. POS!

While most will say that dreams are “subconscious material” I beg to differ and I honestly think NOW that dreams are just a lower level form of Entity control. A more acceptable form. Same thing as visions. Again I have not encountered a truthful Entity as of yet. And to me that is an indicator of SOMETHING is not adding up.

I’m not going to blindly accept any vision as Jesus or Buddha or “my spirit guide”.

The way my pastor explained communication with God and His Son Jesus/ the embodiment is through the Holy Spirit. So the Holy Spirit must be an Entity as well. A conscious being that is more or less omnipresent. What that actually looks like I don’t know, he that actually plays out I’m not sure.

I do know that whatever this is that is attacking and harassing me are 1. A hive mind. Literally connected to each other to communicate (repeats what I am saying so other entities in the hive can know). 2. DO NOT look like anything I would imagine is heavenly. Or human. Some mix between alien, demon, disembodied astral being mix. 3. Uses light as an illusion to create vision and dreams. They can manipulate light in a way dark or light to create an image that they want in OUR minds.

So wonder what would they be with out our minds? Our physical hardware? Who would THEY actually be if we did not perceive them?

I know my opinion is not popular. People want a supernatural life. Either through God or New Age spirituality. I just think many don’t understand what it entails.

Again I want to be wrong. But I am not being proven otherwise in my experience. BUT my experience does not dictate my faith. I can still maintain faith in God with out necessarily believing that the hand of God will part the clouds and be this actual physical manifestation. I guess my main concern is that the enemy. These demonic alien troll looking things that harass me, are actually duping many of us into believing THEY are God.

NOW, I today’s age we have all these YouTube “prophets” and Gurus. Like they communicate with angels or God gave them a message. Like I want to believe people. But idk. Something is not right. I mean I feel like a lot of people preach from their judgement, from their political beliefs and not necessarily from doctrine. Regardless of ones political belief they should just allow for people to understand the word as sound spiritual doctrine. Not go off on 30+ homophobic rant about how the Gays want your kids (which they don’t). The gays want people to stop killing them. And the only way to do that is to create compassion among the youth and adults for people who are different then them. Essentially keeping actual gay or tran or kids who are perceived as different from being bullied, beat up, killed (by kids or parents) or pushed into suicide and keeping perpetrators of this none sense out of jail. By just accepting people for who they are. Gay is not the gateway to pedo! They are not mutually exclusive and they are not the scapegoat. I mean conservatives are trying to paint Democrats as pedos in the spiritual community. I’ve posted this in my blog. People were saying in spiritual forums which some how became fake “woke conspiracy” community, that Hillary Clinton is a pedophile and a video of Hillary wearing the skin of children on her face in a ritual will surface soon. Think whatever you want of the elite, rich and or powerful. But that is CRAZY. And it’s propaganda, it doesn’t even stem from anything anyone has ever seen.

11pm: I took a break from writing and now I am back.

I guess where I was going is that people prophets or gurus who are talking to these Heavenly Beings. I just wonder sometimes if they are just being mislead by entities. Nothing feels spiritually safe anymore. Just lies. Or if it did have purity in the essences of its message that these entities have now over shadowed the concept or belief with lies and twisted shit.

Idk. I really feel like I’m out here alone. No strong footing on anything really. I have my experience….. one I wish wasn’t as really as it feels. One I hope is not true. I look to others in hopes of answers, guidance ….. something outside of this experience. To be pulled from it. Like not even Jesus can or will save me. Why would Jesus want me to be left out here in these spiritual streets with a pedo demonic alien troll thing? Be raped? Faith in question.

Idk. 😓 bummed.

Celibacy and (Astral) Sex (rape) Dreams

So there is a connection between these Entities wanting you to have a sexless life or a loveless sex life. I can’t say why for sure because honestly they rape and molest me often. But I am celibate.

I am personally am grossed out from my (“spiritual”) experience. And that is what sparked my celibacy. Well that and I could not find and enlightened partner. Not enlightened in a new agey ascension kind of way. But self aware, accountable, aware of these energies (entities at play) and not afraid.

Coming from being a lesbian to then dating men was a huge culture shock. And I feel like these Entities have a strong hold on our men/masculinity if not completely driving them.

Why would Entities want you to be basically single (again celibate or loveless sex)? How does that connect with harvesting sexual energy from you? If that is what they actually do…..

I feel the key factor here is love. Or the lack there of.

I have a relatively high self esteem. I know myself and my intentions and can stand accountable when I am wrong and at least attempt to fix that in a sincere way.

So I love myself more or less. But I am NOT loving this experience.

But still the Entities are able to infiltrate my body and cause rape dreams. Molest me through out the day. Place sexually gross ideas in my head. And again this is just over the past 4 years.

To what end do they actually benefit? I know a lot of people in the new age community talk about “Looshing” (you can google) of sexual energies. But like at the end of the day I’m like HUH? What exactly is sexual energy? How does astrally raping me produce it? More importantly how do you stop it? Like now?!

This is why Twin Flames is so dangerous. Again, celibacy is a huge part of it. Many empathy (or the chaser or the feed) are encouraged wait for their “twin flame” and be celibate, in the mean time many are being energetically attacked or having complete psychotic breaks and fucked up astral experiences. So again how does the “twin flame” story correlate with these Entities agenda? Sexless? ✅ Loveless? ✅ Energetically attacked (mentally or physically or spiritually)? ✅

This allows for like all these “twin flame” gurus to pop up out the new age. But again…. where are they getting their information from and do they know their employer is?

Either way. I saw a correlation between these few things. And we need to keep having conversation about these things and get the fuck out the rabbit holes. Because I mean unless you got time to waste, ain’t shit down there.

If there is a man hole open down the street, and I’m telling you hey open man hole ahead, and folks wanna be like well I wanna jump down the man hole for the experience…… really? You could have gone further down the road. Met other people. New people. You cold have helped someone else who can’t handle being in a man hole (suicide).

Either way. Fuck all these traps.

“The Second Coming of the New Age” by Steven Bancarz

Part 1

Part 2


While “Mindfulness Meditation” did help me when I could not stop the voices from speaking a mile a minute. I went from a peaceful mind to full on demonic attack in 2016. Being an “observer” in mind when this happened was positive in the sense that I did not attach to the actual voices. I know what is me and what is not me. I am the one writing to you, occasionally the voices may make a suggestion here or there while I am engaged in my writing to make it seem like they have control, or as they just said “have nothing better to do”. lol yea…..

So Mindfulness Meditation helped (me) in the crisis, and differentiating myself from these Entities that want/ed to pretend to be me or anyone else.

However the New Age really slipped into my life through the internet, facebook.

I mean the first was seeing sparkles through my twenties and some website said it was Angels. and I was like aight cool. Then it was the reoccurring numbers (1111, 777). Then it was a couple of kookie articles about light workers and how we are star seeds and indigos, Then another article popping up on my facebook about twin flame and 1111. Again i read these articles with no particular belief in my heart (other than God), but these seem to have played out. Then the twin flame thing supposedly happened. AND THEN MY WHOLE LIFE TURNED TO SHIT (which is well documented in this blog).

What is interesting is that I actually studied and was deep in Ifa/ Yoruba (Nigeria) religion and its relation to Santeria and Voodoo in the Caribbean for much longer than I did any of this New Age stuff. I studied it in trying to understand my cultural history as a Black (mixed) person in America. And where I come from. But for some reason that never played out. I had 5 year relationship that meant the world to me, and yet my supposed “twin flame” was the 6 month relationship that did not have the same significance in my life other than making me feel insecure.

So why with very little influence or depth in my life was the New Age able to penetrate so deep?

Our culture (American) is definitely moving towards a New Age culture. Steve called it the “Starbucks Yoga” movement. And I will not sit here and say i did not idolize false Idols. I had a little alter to Oshun in my room for YEARS. Other than the sparkles and maybe one bad dream, I NEVER was attacked like this. (I can’t even get into how aliens and reptilians slipped into the whole hot mess!)

But I will say this Ifa, is IFA…… Ifa…. is not mixing and bastardizing the name of Jesus for its own occult practices and lure. To confuse those that are ignorant. To mold Jesus (and any other deity) to fit their agenda. Which I would say is worse because that is just straight blasphemy. I mean light workers… are just …… white witches? No? Be it light or dark magic it is still the same occult coin no? You are still working with the same energy just with different intentions. But these energies which are actual entities and deceitful beings. At one point or another.

Anyway. These videos are pretty good at breaking down some things. (Doesn’t touch on twin flame, or targeted individuals) but, New Age is hella complicated ….. and has you chasing “ascension”….. and deep in my heart i feel like its really not suppose to be this complicated. There is a clarity when you let go the New Age.

Steve mentions that most of us are looking for a relationship with God. And we get lead astray. The relationship is simple. It’s a relationship with God, through Jesus by way or the Holy Spirit. Do you know how sinful and dirty we must be to have to be twice removed from God? His own creation? The ones that chilled in the Garden of Eden with God? The God that only the Holist of Holy men were reserved to have a relationship with and yet God still found a way through his mercy and grace that we may still know him in SOME WAY.

That alone.

Now, i mean my life is nothing but reptilians and big headed aliens torturing me. BUT still to think about that is amazing. I mean even through my studies I was protected. I mean i would really like to stop being molested by these entities, and told the most vile stuff in the universe. But as I said before in another post they are the contrast. I might not have the Holy Spirit, but i know what is doesn’t feel like.

And again, just like all things… even Christianity pose false understandings of Christianity.

I really wish it wasn’t this complicated but it is. Because the enemy (reptilian, alien, demon WHATEVER) is out here trying to get us anyway it can.

It’s sad really.

Either way enjoy.

Examples of Matrix Superimposed faces

This is an example of the super imposed matrix shit I saw on the New York City skyline.

I’m not sure if this has always been and I’m just waking up to it. I don’t know if this is a matrix joke to get people to believe in SOMETHING. idk if this is a take over, but something is up. And people are feeling it. And it doesn’t feel life giving but vampiric, controlling, psychotic.

People will praise it. But I don’t trust it.

Targeted Individuals: Plasma Beings Theory

So I think many Targeted Individuals some are on the fence like myself as to if this is human technology or if this is alien or demonic in nature or maybe they are just plain crazy.

The time I can see the most (“hallucinations”) I noticed is when my pupils are wide open. The eyes are like cameras, so the wider they are the more they are taking in light, even subtle light.

Plasma “is a state of matter in which an ionized gaseous substance becomes highly electrically conductive to the point that long-range electric and magnetic fields dominate the behaviour of the matter.” According to googles definition.

So with my eyes I have seen these plasma beings glow subtle colors like red and yellow I have seen them be black as well. They move like heat. Like a flame.

In short the reason that man of these TIs are getting high Radiation or Electromagnetic readings is because of the definition above.

I can see them and when I hold an EMF reader up to them I get 70 (which is painful) an above. We are suppose to be at like 15. My friend is currently on 200 and it breaks my heart. I wish there was something I could do.

Many of these being are like animals, like the geckos or parasite I see. And some are more intelligent like the praying mantises that I see. I also see Astral spiders with the heads of aliens, I see centipede with the head of a cow or a dog. Over the years they have become just heads floating around to now I can see their body after lots of observation. This juxtaposition of different body parts reminds me of “Solomon’s Demons” where these beings would be all merged together. Some are some aren’t. It’s hard to describe but it’s more like they are flipping back and forth between say 4 different beings that dismembered and merged with other beings. As one being.

I mean these things are OLD! I don’t understand their world completely. And I don’t want to really. Understanding it keeps me sane a bit if that make any sense. It keeps me out of fear since I am facing it head on. That’s me personally.

I do want this to end. They are not nice and gross beings as most TIs will know.

I won’t write too much about this but this is my belief.

Attacks at my Best Friends House

Straight to the point these demon Alien whatever they are have been heavy attacking me at my best friends house. They don’t want me there. They did the same thing at my parents house for years and I guess they have calmed down in the last year. But now they have been attacking me under the guise of an entity attached to my best friends boyfriend.

The first attack was music and constant waking me up in my sleep.

The last attack was holding me down in my sleep (also known as sleep paralysis) and then when I woke up I saw an Entity descending away from me into the other room.

They did say two weeks prior to my friend meeting her boyfriend that “she needed a “man play” to get me out of here”, they don’t want me to be happy they want me isolated and alone so they can rape me and ruin my life. And I’m tired of it.

I’m trying my best to both be there for my friend, be there for me, not trigger myself pointlessly but also push myself. Ya know?

The fact that they did this at my parents house as well is a telling sign. They wanted me to run away when my sister had a stroke (which I believe they caused), if I ran away I’m a terrible person and they can loop that endlessly, if I stayed (which I did to help my sister recover) then they get their “loving sister” play that they torture me while I take care of her. Saying this will be the only time I will be a mother, making crude comments about my sister body while I clean her, incest. Sick twisted shit. If I didn’t love my sister I would have ran. Being honest. I wanted to off my self being completely honest. That shit coming out of no where scared the shit out of me.

Unfortunately it’s my life now. I had to learn to just “rise above it” water down a ducks back if you will. But it hurts my soul. It really does. I can’t be me with this. I don’t know how to function.

Either way that’s what they are doing AGAIN! Run me out! I’m tired of being attacked. Played with. Raped, molested, mind twisted, shit is so sick. I know I’m not crazy. You don’t just wake up one day at 33 like this.

Important Revelation: Heavy Metal and Spirituality and Frequencies

So since I can see the Entities with my eye I can see their energy most of them are attached to something metal. When I was in the children’s park they were attached to a metal statue, or the metal chairs. Buildings metal. In my home I see them attached to the metal shower rod, metal knife holder, an electrical hidden box. This isn’t ALWAYS the case but I feel like the main energy might be connected to something metal. Just a theory.

Now here is the next part. We are made of metal. We have aluminum, mercury, zinc, copper, magnesium, lead, arsenic, chromium, (while aluminum is not toxic, I the level in which it is presented in our lives it might be).

The sucky part is we are suppose to have a certain amount of metal like iron, zinc, copper and gold and stuff in our body, but I guess I can research that. But maybe having an over abundance of it makes out bodies (or maybe all of this aluminum) makes us like an antenna for these Entities who use or live on different frequencies waves. Light waves, radio waves, micro waves, etc.

I sure if together all the entities worked together on different waves lengths with they could appear almost real I bet.

I was attacked by these “entities” last night yet again at my best friends house because they don’t want me at her house because they want me miserable. (Good thing I stayed cause she ended up going to the hospital). But they held me down in my sleep and I head a deep scary radio sounding voice and when I awake I saw the Entity exiting the room. I can just see their outlines and that it is an Entity and not so much details usually unless I am close up or took a picture I can take my time looking at.

So this particular entity is probably working on radio frequencies. I’m not sure if they can change whenever they feel like it. It was just an observation.

But our bodies are like antennas for these entities unfortunately. A possible solution would be doing a heavy metal detox but I would only suggest this after tons of research on general detoxing and cleansing the body and knowing the risks of heavy metal detoxing cause you can get really tired from it and that is a sign you are over exerting your body.

More recently my good friend bought 10 Unit Tesla Coil Tower (from a Walgreens in Texas for $70 y’all wild in the south but ok 😳) and zapped herself and she said she can no longer hear the Entities any more. Now I will definitely update this piece if they do come back for he but I mean any amount of peace if kind of worth it at this point.

She just shocked her antenna, of course they went away. It make sense. But I’m not sure if it’s healthy or sustainable.

Hey Man Slow It Down

These demon aliens would have had me running all over the place. Looking for clue like this was a scooby doo mystery (even though it kinda is). But when I first put my foot down and said I wasn’t going anywhere anymore. I wasn’t doing anything until I figured out what the actual fuck what happening to me that was when I saw them.

Although my mind was still racing with thoughts my life was slowed down. I eliminated enough triggers.

The first day I saw them and am pretty sure I blogged about it here, is I was in the bathroom and I let out a deep breath and the clear air in front on me rippled and tiny sparkles and I was like HUH! And I stared some more with what I call the artist eye which I can explain later in the comments if you ask. Basically I looked into space and focused more on the space in front on me and while I could not see details I could definitely see something there.

After that it was a wrap once they knew I could see them they wanted to scare me, and they did, and I got over it, and I got photo of them.

So they are definitely “real” to some extent. But not real enough. I can account for many times where they have sabotaged something in my life other than a relationship. Like once when I was in college I wrote a paper about how the spirit of Zora Neale Hurston came to me for my thesis paper and little did I know that Alice Walker already wrote a book on that exact topic. Thankfully my teacher believed me and I wasn’t kicked out of school. But plagiarism is a real offense. I til this day haven’t read that book. Lol. And I’m a huge Zora fan. But I know it was them playing with me.

They have their hands in entertainment. This includes books. I don’t know how but they do. Even one of my dreams looked exactly like a scene from the suicide squad before I went to go see it. The part where the Goddess witch was making stuff in the tower.

So I slowed down so much I see how they play, I don’t know how to be accountable in all of this because it is EVERYWHERE and in everything! While suicide may seem like the sweet relief I have a funny feeling it’s not. At least not yet.

So slowing all the way the fuck down I saw some shit that I can not unsee. I saw what was kicking my ass through life and I kept trying to make the best out of terrible situations. It became a life skill. I can point out who at this point in a line up of entities. That’s how much I slowed down. I faced them head on. I just don’t know how to defeat them. I don’t know how to get rid of them. I mean they will call in an army if need be, like they did in 2016 to jump and rape my ass for years. And honestly I don’t know if my ass has it in me. It’s like the boat it just a little steady and I’m not sure where to go or if I should go at all.

Should I swim, will I get sucked under? Again?

As much as I want to know all the wonders of the world, this SUCKS and I doubt I will learn much more other than these assholes exist. I’m here to have a 3D mutha fuckin life and eat some fresh fruits and be boo’ed the fuck up and be chillin and praise and do some good in this world before this body decays. 🙏🏼

I was bugging out because of a break up in ways unknown to me and I was searching for reasons why. Why was I feeling not like myself, why was I seeing this mans name everywhere, why was I having (false) telepathy (but accurate) with him, hearing his voice all the time, like I was doing anything to shake it cause it was not like me to be stuck on someone. Care about them ok, stuck and obsessed no.

So finally when I slowed down I found the culprits. I had to face them. Of course I had to be accountable for my actions. I could have been more graceful. But essentially they demon aliens told me the other day “the reason we picked your ex (false twin flame) was because he wasn’t that into you and so it was more humiliating and funnier” and I told them thank you for being honest. They kind of lost it because I didn’t feel any type of way about it. I mean he probably wasn’t knew where he stood with me which was not long term and I was looking for something long term. So maybe these beings pick up on his intentions and knew they could exploit that with me. Put on a whole production. And when I didn’t want to play I got raped and pedo shit.

Either way. That’s what slowing the fuck down got ME. I’m not really sure what the future holds. I know things can not go on this same cycle though. This shit is OLD. To still be talking about my ex 4 years later is mind boogling (in the way that they do) But whatever.

This is what Schizophrenia looks like

So in the last month or so my therapist has been telling me I don’t “look schizophrenic” or act it etc. for whatever reason I don’t fit the bill. Which is fine because I’m probably not because this is an Entity matrix problem but whatever.

Then recently I’m taking all their cocktails of medications and my friends and family are now telling me me “I lost my spark or energy” ” my eyes are dull” and I have low enough self esteem because I don’t feel believed by anyone “sane” that I’m really going through this, and I pretty much ate my feelings and cookies were my drug of choice.

So I lost 4 years of a weight lost journey because of this. I gained 100lb in almost 1 year. I did not leave my house or bed. And I comforted my self with sweets and zootopia cause I was being shown vile images of child abuse. (This was post sui attempt). It’s all I had the energy to do, since there were days I barely had the beefy to make it to the bathroom the energy was so heavy. I would feel dizzy, or nauseous. These feelings usually come from when the main larger entities are in the room. Or on you.

On a normal partial possession they use smaller entities with less (like the hairball astral spiders ) or no consciousness as a leash to connect.

I know this is off topic but this my journal and I am free writing. So 😊

Either way I already feel like shit about how I look. And how I feel. And being being believed. And it’s being highlighted now. Even though I plan to loose weight soon, not totally for how I look but mor about my health and happiness and I want to cleanse our organs and I want to see if that has anything to do with schizophrenia and or matrix possession.