Faith vs Religion 🙏🏼

So part of me wants to be a moon loving, sun soakin, crystal wearing, incense burning, horoscope reading, nature hippy dippy weirdo.

And then the other part of me wants to be a devoted Christian so that God loves me back. Because apparently burning sage and doing yoga conflicts with faith.

I try not to let the internet and the vast interpretation of religion and bible get to me.

But someone said God looks after his children. And while I know on the material plane I have been fortune to make it to 35 years. But on the spiritual plane I have not been so fortunate.

I can’t say it was because of this or that. But I can’t seem to wrap my head around why I am being attacked. Some say kundalini, some said I’m a budding light worker, a twin flame or one of the 144k that the Bible speaks of and NONE of that has helped me nor seems to apply to why I am being attacked on the “spiritual plane” to the point I must fear for my life.

And it’s not really the “spiritual plane” if others can see them in a photo or if my body is being physically attacked to the point I must go to the emergency.

The post on Facebook says God takes care of his children. And I just wonder why I am left to be raped in every sense of the word by demons?

I guess I am not “blessed and highly favored” or one of God children or the elect “chosen ones” people keep trying to fill my head with.

This doesn’t make me a piece of shit.

I’m just not that. Doesn’t mean I’m gonna go run and pray to some goat God. But all I see is crazy shit. I feel of sound mind and body. But I just hear and feel and see the craziest shit. And THAT’S as if living in THIS world wasn’t crazy enough. We gotta add a layer of hell with reptilian whatever raping me over it.

I don’t know what to do anymore.

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Consent in the Spirit/ Astral world?

Is there?!???!??

Is there?!?

Is this the new frontier for perverts?!

I have been SOOOO PSYCHICALLY AND SPIRITUALLY VIOLATED….. raped molested….. where is the fucking consent to be all up in my shit?

Is it ABSOLUTELY necessary to touch my vagina 24 hours a day?

It’s sick shit!

Is it to much to ask to fucking ask for fucking permission before you start interacting with someone?

There are PLENTY of weirdos out there that want to play and have astral sex and whatever other insane shit you can come up with.

Like if I say NO that should be the end of the fucking discussion. If we never spoke about work being done to MY BODY then that should be a conversation FIRST unless I know otherwise.

I trust nothing spiritual or astral or etheric now.

I don’t know if the astral world will be around for much longer. It’s being and been abused. It’s not suppose be a mask to rape unsuspecting victims.

But we will see it’s not my call.

You’re So Gay! 🙄

I X out my name, my “friend” here randomly called me gay as an insult like I had been lying to him about it.

I honestly have been having some issues with my sexual orientation as I try to reconcile my faith and having a FLEET of demons attack my ass.

So I think it’s natural to wonder was it because I’m queer (which is NOT GAY), was it because I had premarital sex? Didn’t keep the sabbath? Sex worked to pay rent that one time 15 years ago? Smoked weed? Shrooms?

I honestly thought God loved me regardless of my orientation. 😞 I honestly thought the whole condemning gays was more about stepping out on a marriage /adultery/lying. And I didn’t trust humans cause I felt like they focused of it a bit to much when there were are whole BUNCH of other things to focus on. I thought the sin was NOT being who you are (with in reason) the “higher self”. But you have to know yourself in order to be that. I never saw being queer about SEX but love and loving who I love and sex was just how we expressed that. But that’s just my small human mind. I just didn’t think it would cost me housing and jobs and friends and sanity.

But queer seems to stick out always.

Enough to get kicked out from my parents and be homeless, enough to be discriminated against at work and loose my job. Enough for the Demonic Entity voices to call me a pedophile lesbian bitch.

This suppose to be my friend who’s a guy . And then he goes on to say he likes lesbians. But I honestly identify as nothing now. I have no orientation because I’m sick to my stomach. I tried so many relationships they all failed miserably. Then to find out there are like Demonic aliens playing The SIMs human edition with my love life and fucking up my relationships doesn’t give me faith in the next. And then on top of it seeing pedo child molestation shit in visions is a HUGE 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢 turn off to LIFE so I’m fucking good on being stressed out by dick.

I tried my best to give love and I was fortune enough to at least feel that even if was short lived in queer relationship with my ex soul mate.

But I will not have my guy friend throw my orientation in my face like an insult. I’m tired of being condemned.

I’m not sure if I should continue to talk to him. I unfriended him and told him goodbye and why I was saying goodbye and that I forgave him. BUT I’m not sure if I should talk to him ever again.

My only concern right now is 1. Getting rid of these demons in a responsible way 2. Healing these wounds. NOT CREATING NEW ONES. 3 getting healthy again.

Relationships and all that other stuff is kind of not really a big deal a much as I would love to curl into a ball in the arms of a lover.

Exposing the Enemy (Occultism): Breaking Curses from Masonic in Your Life!

Exposing the Enemy (Occultism): Breaking Curses from Masonic in Your Life!
— Read on walkingintruth.blogspot.com/2005/07/breaking-curses-from-masonic-in-your.html

This talks about how they are pedos and they rape and choke people and the demons and IAM and invoking a lot of stuff I talked about in this blog as well as becoming religiously numb because of the torture.

Please read this article if you are suffering from spiritual warfare!!!

Natural vs Demonic 🌗

So I have my monthly moon cycle. Prior to being attacked it was a beautiful flow. Always came on time and healthy with not much pain. With being attacked (and I’m not saying for that do experience painful moon cycles) I have numbness, I feel like I literally beat up, I saw myself getting shot in the stomach by Geckos prior to my period, rumbling, all sorts of aches and pains. Not a fun moon cycle.

Then I have a friend who I am able to have telepathy with. But I am currently with in this curse. I wonder if I would still hear him with out the curse. What would be my natural state of being. The cleanest. What would be our cleanest state of communication when it came to telepathy.

Right now I assume everything is the devil. Lol cause that what it feels like. I have a demon here with me turning every experience into something vile and insane, so of course it is only natural to assume that.

But if that was cleansed?

So what is our innate and natural abilities and what are the illusions set forth as traps by Demonic entities to lure us in to make it seem as though we have “powers” that we may not actually have?

I might have one ability maybe not another and the mess with me or maybe it’s all a farce.

Trying to discern and develop as a being.

Earth really is a trap house!

Energetic Bodies

So I took a photo of my body in a dim lit room like I do to see other things.

And I saw that my energetic (I think it is mine or it could be another being) had 3 holes in it. It looked almost a cavern. I saw a pair of eyes in one of the holes.

Then I remember in January a gang of 30 or more Geckos all shot me in my stomach and then my eating habits changed. I wrote about in my blog.

Then maybe 3 months later a male face came to me and removed a band of maybe 5 astral parasites but left one that I could still feel and later saw.

My assumption was that the astral parasites were covering or closing the holes that was caused by the attack in January.

Why they were taken away or I was attacked in the first place I am unsure.

10 Commandments: Adultery 😞

So……………… my friend said she had a vision God is coming back and I guess I wonder because of this experience what commandment I was breaking. I know I don’t hold sabbath, I say OMG a lot, and I had sex out of wedlock. So I was ready for that part.

But I guess I was really thrown back that prostitution, homosexuals, porno, masturbation where thrown in with child molesters, pedos and bestiality, and people who fuck corpses.

Like………. that shit made me so sad.

Like it made me wonder if that’s why these Demons Mantis’ called me a child molester because it’s all lumped in with the same things.

I know God doesn’t see a rank in sin just sees SIN but if that’s the case call me a murderah?

My ex who was a trans man (soul mate- not false twin flame) was the love of my life thus far. I never felt love like that. Respect. Old school love, open the door for you, dance in the middle of the kitchen to 90s r&b music love ……… the love you thank God for and his momma for having him kinda love. The love where no one else is the room in a crowd full of people kind of love.

But it’s a sin?

So currently I’m not sexually active 1.5 years (it’s a lot for m give me some credit) technically 2.5 year but whatever, I guess we can count that 2 time in 2 week in 2016 as a do over. Whatever.

Either way I’m not now cause everyone sucks. Mostly all the dudes I dated were jerks and THAT is NOT my fault.

Anyways I’m super sad that being Gay is considered a commandment sin and lumped in with pedos. 😥

And now I don’t know what to do with my life……………..

how do you ungay? De-queerify?

It’s still a part of who I am or was even if I don’t practice and I still strongly believe in rights and respect for the LGBT community so ……. I’m at a loss.

I told myself that I my gender and sexual orientation was Angel cause I’m tired of these disappointing relationships. I can be content with plutonic relationships. But then I heard some where that these demons try to trick you into chastity so they can keep you out of love and continue to control and torture you. 😞

As I said before I don’t feel right dragging anyone into this. I mean I have to live the fact that I unknowingly may have dragged my family into it but now knowing I don’t want to make any moves until I feel clear.

Nope not a “demon” it’s a Mantis

So I slept A LOT on this seroquel stuff a bit broken sleep but I slept.

Because what Woke person wants to be awake for for this YUCK 💩🤢😥.

Anyways, the “demon” dark shadowy figure I had shown in the previous post I found out is a MANTIS. It’s like ALL these characters are Mantis’ and they are just playing games. They tried to confused me as I woke up when I saw him changing.

I should have known they can glow or be the blackest black you’ve ever seen (at least the outlines are) ….. so when I saw him in the same place the shadow demon was as a Mantis I knew I was duped …… again.

In the Kabbalah demons are described as having chicken like or tripod like legs if you look at a Mantis it is very similar.

@ 20:00 he will describe demons

That doesn’t make them any less Demonic or harmful or annoying. But I’m making sure I’m keeping up to date with what I see. Yes they are demons and yea they are shape shifting Mantis’ from God knows where.

I don’t know why they are so sexually perverse.

You can google the “72 demons of Solomon” and you will find conglomerated demons on a clawed foot of sorts. Keep an open mind. The foot is the base and then smaller demons hop on creating a larger demon. And your sitting there like like HUH? But I think over time they have come up with a few new ways to disguise themselves.

Im not sure if the Mantis are copying as a format or they are really apart of the 72 Demon and we just never made the connection between aliens, demons (and nature??????) idk. All I know is Mantis seems to be the default.

THIS SUCKS I WANT THEM TO GO AWAY!!!! I don’t want to have to poison myself for no reason cause they are fucking gross!!!

How Many Entities?

My family’s apartment (specifically my room) is lined in Entities. The ceilings are lined with medium size I can’t count how many but one wall could have maybe 5 to 10 gecko looking ones that will spew sparkles if I look at them. So let’s say a lot of those in the main room and on electronics too (TVs, Fans)

OK.

So in term of very different large entities I have seen quite a few. But apparently they CAN shape shift. So let’s say 5-10 larger entities. This includes Mantis (and their many looks), shadow demon, something that looks like ETs cousin, reptilians, ect.

Then I’ve seen countless parasites worms centipedes looking ones, smaller tiny versions of the bigger ones and small demons trolls, tiny human fairy looking ones, tiny black dot ones (almost like the soot from spirited away). Maybe hundreds of all of those. 😳

Then there are 🌺 flowers and cars and tree branches, mask, words, numbers, boxes of costumes. Yea it’s crazy round these parts.

OK. Yea so that’s my life right now.

And while I see ALL OF THIS……. I only hear 2 to 3 voices max on the regular. If there are like 100s of entities like I see and I have seen go in and out my body wouldn’t I hear more? I know they are “hive mind” or “group consciousness” but something still doesn’t make sense completely. At one point (before I saw them) I thought it was ONE Entity acting as many because of how fast they would talk or how often they would pretend to be other characters.

I see many, hear few, believe none.

Now my friend is telling me this is the government but idk. This is legit nonstop harassment. She said they want to give me cancer. Idk.

I just wish I could figure this out or it would just stop already. I’m not crazy. I’m not.

I hope the truth come out soon cause I never thought I would be the tin foil hat girl. Shit sucks.

Running on Empty

So I don’t regret dropping everything to figure out what was/ is going on with me. BUT I am kind of stuck or at a stalemate.

I’ve studied every way of possibly looking at the situation. I’ve taken their medication checked all my vitals. Prayed……

But I have to admit I’m stuck. I’m not sure where or how to start to address this and that’s not my nature. If anything I am normally a fixer or a problem solver so not being able to create a plan out of this situation is truly torture. I’ve exhausted all options and running out what little patience I already have.

The only thing keeping me going is a story of what this COULD be but at this point they are so absurd and ridiculous that’s becoming a bore.

None of that is bringing me closer than to my goal of happy and healthy.

I keep envisioning myself loosing weight again at the gym dancing biking being social creative independent working but idk…..

Everything depends on these demons leaving. They are so heavy and painful. When they would try to possess me they would joke and say ” she can’t even hold me lol”.

So ………. I can try hard or even smart. But I’m not sure if my efforts will be worth it unless paired with Gods grace.

And not even sure what to do in the mean to cope other than sleep as to not be conscious to the GROSS thoughts they implant.

I feel guilty for not being active or as active as I want to be. The most I can do is find others online like me and try to be of comfort and service that way. To know they ….. we are not alone and they are strong… but I share my raw vulnerability in hopes that I find away to make changes… soon.

That’s the best I can do.

I’m trying my best.

Deep breaths 😔