Spiritual Abuse πŸ”ͺπŸ”«πŸ’£

There is no reason to be spiritually attacked there is no excuse. That’s like a rapist saying she asked for it because wore a short skirt. Fuck THAT!

Victims of spiritual/astral abuse will blame themselves. They will say, “I deserve this because I lied when I was 12 years old” or something just as ridiculous. We seek peace and that’s the easiest route than grabbing at air. But we seek NOW. Dwelling on the pasts on shortens our time in becoming the person we wish to be the best versions of ourselves. 

Our capitalist system says “you are not enough!” , so by this product and subscribe to this lifestyle. Spirituality /religion says you are not enough, you didn’t pray enough, you did something bad, some past life bullshit generational curse, that you didn’t meditate enough, that you didn’t eat organic enough. In relationships, we feel like we aren’t pretty enough, or doing enough or have enough money or enough love or trust. 

So it is NO WONDER these astral parasites …. Spiritual abusers go on to say YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH. You’re ugly, fat, skinny, stupid, crazy, no body likes you, you have no friends, kill yourself, no money, you are not good at what you do, you don’t know what you are doing, you need our guidance, unlovable, unworthy, you’re an addict, you will never understand, you don’t have knowledge. 

You will never be enough, when you are! 

I am a complete being. I have my own “dark” and own “light”. I grow as needed. Forced “darkness” or this bullshit “dark nigbt of the soul”, is abused pushed by astral parasites. Saying it’s because you did this or that, that YOU weren’t enough is excusing this program and act of spiritual violence. Finding peace and “learning from” the abuse is the gift we give ourselves to cope and to heal. We weave stories of some past life karma, a curse, blame ourselves. “This happened to me because…………….” 

Outside of that we are excusing unseen and intangible abuse. By subscribing to this idea that pain is our greatest teacher, is superficial and more than likely you never been in a full blown psychic attack.
You are saying our current system, all system are fine as is and should operate and function with no change.

This whole you “change your reality” is bullshit. You know how hard I’ve fought?!? All this law of attraction, most people want car, money love. I want the change, justice, peace, safety for all people! 

NOTE: The demon suggested pain and my smoking cigs (cause you devils advocate). Now do I know smoking is bad? Yes. Do I wish to change that? YES. Do I think I should be raped everyday by some demon for going on two years? NO.
Whatever. But I’m the crazy one.

Fuck this demon! 

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Crazy Talk: Jelly Monster πŸ‘»πŸ’”

So I can see the effects of the demon, I can feel them, hear them, but I can’t see the actual demon that’s conducting it. 

I believe that many healer are able to remove the effects but not the actual entity. Maybe some can. But none of the ones I went to. 

So, I see this jelly monster (looks like a clear slimmer) that moves around me. I state previously in my blog that, I don’t think this is the entity but the “energy” it sends kinda like and extension of sorts it copies. Its not easy to see but I see it. I think its the same “energy” that screams repeatedly, mimics other peoples voices and music, repeats what I say, the gives me tremors and that can copy cat emotions like anxienty or headache, intense tension, feeling ill, being high. Prolly other things too like images/vision. Almost like AI intelligence toy, but its not the main and I feel like its being controlled. 

Today I was wondering HOW did the entity pull off things like knowing when my ex (false/ twin flame) was going to call, or what song he was going to send me, when the cat took my chair and I wasn’t in the room. And a few other “prediction” or plain old’ nosiness. 

Either way. My assumption is that this jelly monster was being nosey with my ex or attached to my ex. Something maybe like that. And that’s how it copied his voice and knew info. Some people call it “attachment cords” this one looks like a clear jelly vibrating blob thing that moves around at medium speed in and out of vision some times sparkles if its close by like on my head. But then I’m like how the fuck did the jelly monster get to the edge of Brooklyn? Like it legit floated 20 miles?

πŸ’©πŸ‡πŸŠπŸš†πŸš„πŸš…β“‚πŸšˆπŸš•πŸš˜πŸšœπŸš βœˆβ›΅πŸš€πŸšβ‰

I hope my ex wasn’t harmed in any way. In the beginning I did so many “cord cutting meditations” because I just wanted whatever this was gone. I blamed my ex, i did. But I kept away from him so this demon wouldn’t make another game out of it. I’m pretty sure he is OK and doing fine. But if he went through a fraction what I went/ going through….. I am so sorry, even though none of this was my fault. I never sent ANYTHING to him in any way. Only trying to get through my own heart ache to move on.

Either way. That’s my theory of the jelly monster I have been seeing floating around the house or stuck in the bathroom. 

Crazy shit right? πŸ™

God……….  Why did I have to get the crazy one? 

I feel like I need a blunt and I don’t even like smoking. 🌴

The Ex Factor (Twin Flame)

So while I know for a FACT, that this delusion has nothing to my ex who I thought was my Twin Flame.

I mostly came to the concept of “twin flame”, through first looking up if I was hypnotized secretly, then stumbled upon the whole idea of narcissist and empathy relationship. I didn’t feel like myself in the relationship…  I felt a rage I never felt before. I didn’t feel pretty to him, these were micro ways. Like calling women on TV hot but never me. At times I only felt like a fill in for sex until he found someone else. 

There were many other micro reasons. But for the most part I had come out of a long loving relationship prior, and so when I was met with these emotional hurdles I became enraged because I thought they were tests or mind games. Why would you have sex with someone you didn’t find attractive?

I have mentioned this before in my blog, but “the voice” entity pretended to be my ex twin flame. And later acted as telepathy, quietly saying “I love you” and when I approuch my ex about this he had no idea of what in was talking about. From there it was a spiral, at first I rejected “my feeling” but soon accepted that maybe this was a love I didn’t understand. And from there it got worse.

Once I realized that no I was not Isis and no my ex was not going by the name Osiris to work on telepathy between us, the Entity acted as an angel said “what do you want?” I said nothing as it guided me prior to say. It asked me all day, house, car, money…..  So I finally said a big house just so it would leave me alone, and it said “who would want a house in this economy? what about ….. (Your ex’s name)” . so then I said fine whatever to make it stop. And then it turned into a nightmare about my ex making bets on me loosing more weight while he was in a relationship with someone else. (There is more to it but essentially it was fucked up).

Currently, I know for a FACT this is not direct telepathy with my ex. My ex has nothing to do with other than being a typical male I dated. I know my ex is not a prize for enduring this bullshit. I am pretty neutral in my feelings for my ex. The only thing is his involvement in “the story” enforced by the entity to make me feel bad. I have no interest in thinking about my ex at this level. 

And yet, the Entity insists on flashing images of him. Or how do I say this…. I guess tries to string me along as if my ex IS in fact a prize and we will get married. But the intesity of belief is not mine and i often find myself taking a deep breath to just get through it. It actually physically hurts when this Entity enforces these feelings for my ex. My head hurts, chest hurts, I’m annoyed. I don’t know to explain it. 

But at the same time the Entity says he is with another woman who is hotter than me and will be with her. Trying to makes it seem like I’m still obsessed with him and I’m not. I’m tired of talking about him. I have no idea what’s happening in his life. I haven’t seen him in almost two years and haven’t spoken to him in over a year, which I normally stay friends with you ex’s and I had to block him because of the entity. I’m constantly tormented about this past relationship to no end for no reason. 

Its annoying. I can’t even date cause this is all making me feel like shit. 

The formal psychological term would be Erotomania in which an individual “believes that another person is in love with him or her. This belief is usually applied to someone with higher status or a famous person, but can also be applied to a complete stranger. Erotomanic delusions often occur in patients with schizophrenia and other psychotic disorders, but can also occur during a manic episode in the context of bipolar I disorder. During an erotomanic delusion, the patient believes that a secret admirer is declaring his or her affection for the patient, often by special glances, signals, telepathy, or messages through the media.”

In my case or in the Twin Flame case, its a bit of the opposite. Yes you believe there is a special connection, BUT you also feel that the person is hiding their true feelings for you and you must endure suffering or you haven’t met them yet. “The runner/chaser”, “narc/empath” relationship dynamic.

So, on behalf of many who have had the misfortune of a “Twin Flame” experience, and to those who make money off of heartbreak, grief and insecurity in the spiritual community. I invite you take a good look at that description. 

What are you selling people?

Twin Flame Activation? Hm?

Its like 80’s soul mates wasn’t enough, we had to take it step further in the delusional realm of psychosis in the millinia. 

I can see both the psychological and spiritual aspects of MANY of these experiences fairly quickly, but not the scientific, not the how or even why. Just what.

I can among, race, religion, mythologies, beliefs, conspiracy theories, class, sex gender, mental health, psychology, environmental, science a WIDE ASPECT, of how we are all a bit delusional (possibly via entities). And then there is THE DEPTH, to what extent do we believes these things? 

Enough to kill, oppress, misguide, profit?

Or was the the ways in which we built simple structures in the world then taken WAY OUT OF HAND, and we are sitting here running in circles trying to find a truth or impose it.

Contradictions 😊. 

“Archon Mind Parasite Self-Defense”

This video is interesting and grounding. 

1. While I truly enjoy understanding the “chakra system”, I believe it is a great way of understanding and bring mindful of the part of our body. I also do not truly believe we have 7 cones of energy. I think it can be a good way to understand organs and parts of the mind by compartmentalizing these idesas but not as an actual system. The concept is fine….. But diving deep into the illusion of being some super human is where we get caught by these Entities. 

We are electromagnetic, this is true. We have metals in our body. But how that actually looks I have no idea. 

2. As stated these beings will pretend to be anything of authority. And will play off of both bad and “positive” emotions or words to control. So it really is a double edge sword. So I have narrowed the single most important thing is ignorance. Lack of awareness will have you pulled in so many different directions. Happy sad angry. So when we are aware that these being are trying implant mistrust or fear anger or even manic happiness we are not in control. 

3. More recently I “saw” visuals that were not visions of “light” that looked like a couple of different things. One looks like maybe 20 circles inside of each other, another like jellyfish lights, others are sparks of “light” or globs of colorful “energy” that looks like its leaving my being . This is false light , this is not real light. It is not coming from the sun, or a lamp. I doubt it is coming from me. But even if this “light” is coming from me, the fact that it is being tampered with to create “light” is still false. So be careful of being lured by “the light”. All that glitters is not gold.

4. Between being in spiritual forums and schizophrenic forums to just everyday interactions it is very easy to see how we are all affected. Its easy to observe.

5. I have no idea how to get rid of these things. Again prior to being “attacked” I was on an organic diet and fairly happy with only a break up that rattled my spirit. However prior to this full fledged experience, I can recall up until the age of 15 where these beings have been around me. Or have acted as “spirits” of loved ones, or “angels” or supposed “spirit guides. Being young, i just accepted it as such cause i didnt know any better. Movies, religion and so on talks about spirits, angels, demons, ect so it is socially acceptable. I moved on with my life. But this ignorance, because no that was not my deceased grandma or grandpa, and no that flash of light was not an angel trying to help you, that ignorance is what comes to haunt me later.  

Don’t get me wrong, that idea of believing in angels or the spirit of our loved ones “being with us”, there is nothing wrong with this idea. If we want to embody the archetype idea of an angel is fine,if we want to comfort ourselves with the idea of our deceased loved ones looking down on us or living on “through us” as a form of ancestry that’s fine. Poetic of sorts. But these ideas can also be manipulated by these beings. In fact anything can if we don’t have our Witt’s about us. 

So again its not a clear cut answer.

Lol but if I find one I will surely let you know. For now I am careful what I believe and keep things simple. Because these parasites are always trying to drag me into a storyline so they can position themselves in a place of power rather than what they really and truly are. 

The Fuckery 😩😩

So this is the type of fuckery I keep getting. 

Prior to this, this person told me I “pissed off the illuniati”, and prior to that said i “was taking night classes in heaven”. 

Another healer told me I “was dealing with guilt and shame of being a healer”, then in the next session said “this is a curse passed down from my father because someone on his side generations back was in a cult”. She also said she removed it. I have yet to see any changes. 

The person above also said they removed “it”. Other readers prior to there told me it was “black magick sent from my ex (twin flame)”, then said it was a negative soul tie with him and he was a false twin flame. 

The demon said to me directly that I was contracted to “commit suicide for my ex (twin flame) by means of child molestation” (visions of child abuse basically trying to force me into suicide). 

SO. This is the type of fuckery I am dealing with. These are the so called healers and psychics are telling me vs what the demon is doing. 

I’m tired and broke. And not one as made this stop.

I’ve been told sooooo many different stories as to WHY this is happening even by the same people, let alone different people. 

I mean these people are over here telling me this story and that story. And I can hear these Demons and they can’t tell me directly but can make up some absurd story to tell a healer, psychic, magic dude, angel light worker, shaman, akashic record reader, demonologist, so THEY can feel complete and accomplished…. Not me.

I’m right here! So what’s the point of telling errybody else different stories?

What’s the fucking point. 

Super Power β˜ΊπŸ”«

Sooooooo….. I was waking up this morning … Slowly but waking up. I did my Benadryl/Zquil cocktail the day before so I could get a solid 6+ hours of sleep.

So I was in and out of sleep. But generally was OK. So I woke up, and the Entity once again showed me an image of child abuse. There was no reasoning. It wasn’t punishing, it wasn’t related to my dreams, just child abuse for the sake of child abuse …. Because its funny to this Entity.

Not the way I wanted to wake up. 

So basically this Entities super power is being a pedophile?!? 

That was originally how it got me to almost kill myself twice. But I guess it wanted to just flash another vision of child abuse for old times sake.

I’m really getting sick of this shit, and having to “be strong”. There is nothing strong about enduring this. 

While I have finally figured out this was a tactic used by this debased souless Entity demon thing. That doesn’t make any easier, in a way I pretend and act as though it doesn’t bother me in hopes that staying strong and not shedding a tear this thing will go away. But….  I don’t know if it ever will.

Just trying to find peace. 

Separating Emotions 😩

I’m angry. This shit sucks. I’m tired of the nasty negative thoughts. I’m over it. Its pointless and useless. 

Now the Entity even taunt me and say “you’re so pretty”. Just to be sarcastic.

So I find my self angry. Keeping myself in check not to fall for another manipulative mind game. I have constantly check that my anger is not spilling over into other interactions. Its more work. 

More work at trying to seem perfect. Keep it together. Under wraps. To constantly be checking if my thought or emotion was my natural response to an event, risidual from my hate for the Entity or false thoughts and emotions installed (influenced) by the Entity. 

Its like PTSD in my own emotional land scape, wondering when I might step on a mine, when will child abuse be triggered or my ex, or death, ect. 

Its a full time job.

Stay Lit (a curse)

In the spiritual community there is all this back and forth about light vs dark ect ect. 

“Be the light” “you are the light” 

In I guess more psychological terms “of the light” I would assume to take the “high road”, make decisions not based solely on ego. I would assume. 

But the flip side to the “the light” is also “false light”. When this Entity first made itself known. It said “a beacon of light!” , trying to play off my ego on readings of light workers and all the cosmic updates. 

The Entity later in said, “I lit her up like a Christmas tree.” Many if not all of the “sparkles” I saw of many different colors. Ranging from white to black, green, blue, red, purple, blue. To my observation were “curses”. Be them burns, or other sensations, thought forms, visuals ect. These are just one of the many tricks of false light. 

As I said in prior post, one day my grandma saw a piece of glitter on my forehead from school and told me it means “angels are with me”. Several decades later this was used against me to be lured and lulled into the lie of false light. 

Being “lit up like a Christmas tree”…. Doesn’t feel good, it doesn’t look good, it is not good, it is every terrible thing about this world poured over your head, its being steeped into a delusion. 

Sleep Possession

As I go to sleep now…. Forced or just an attempt….. Something different happens…. And more frequent. 

Its like sleep possession or pre-sleep possession. Because I am in a very relaxed state… Or anytime I find myself just about to go to sleep, it as if the radio is tuned to a loud station of someone talking for maybe 3 seconds, or almost like another “spirit” demon entity thing comes in hells loud.

This happened every so often before but not as often now.

I call this sleep possession, it’s because 

1. usually feels like its been zapped (hearing or feeling it) feels like a crown opening for maybe a brief moment with a lasting after affect or pressure on some area of my head 

2. Its literally like blacking out. Topics that don’t make sense make sense or I have no choice in accepting. I am vulnerable. Think of how you are convince a dream is real. No think of that same feeling with only voices and no visual dream. My personal dreams rarely have full on voices like this.

3. The topics range from cognative to making absolutely NO sense what so ever. At times I wonder if it is my brain or cognative understanding that allows for demons/ entities to feel so human and intelligent. When MY brain is at is lowest fiction state (before going to sleep) is makes less and less sense…. Much like a dream. But we are OK with dreams not making much sense. That’s why we TRY to make sense of them….. When they happen.

4. In this particular state relaxed, low brain wave function the topics vary. Sometimes I will be like ONE prodiminite word that will be loud and clear as my brain is zapped. Say “yin yang” in a females voice. Now if my life wasn’t complete shit show I would hold on to “yin yang” dearly as some mysitical sign. But because this an indicator to the randomness I just have to cope. For now. These black out moments are aften about dominating a brain. Almostly like careless children dangerously playing make believe in your head. The danger being you might belive it….. But mostly that it physically hurts. They also chooses topics that I don’t like, my fears or insulting topics, by the delivery is often not very cognitive.

I am often trying to go to sleep now cause I just don’t wanna come with the yakity yak allllll day…. The constant debating, defending, belittling, treats on my life and disgusting topics. So this time right before sleep becomes an opportunity to attack…. And also almost practice mind control. Will I believe the non-sense that go on about before I sleep? 

No, because I don’t give a fuck. 

I Deserve This

Its Demon/ Shadow Entity whatever. Pretty simple …. There is no going back from this. There is no SURPRISE I was your angel spirit guide all along pushing you to what? Quit your job, ruin ever relationship, gain 100lb and sleep all day. There really is no coming back from this on any level. 

There is no prize, The demon tried to encourage me to keep going through the experience because in the end I would get my ex back or, be a better person, or some magical awakening ability. No there is no light at the end of this tunnel. You don’t get a prize for enduring pointless visions of child abuse or feeling like your brain is being sucked through a straw. There is no “upgrade” as we are designed as we should be. And I’m pretty sure any evolutionary changes would be extremely slow or generational. 

I deserve this, I clearly have done something to deserve this. Whether it was being disrespectful to my parents when I was young, being gay (who knows), having to to do sex work to survive, doing a few drugs, I might have borrowed/ stolen a couple things in my life. And while I try for the majority my hardest to be honest, I’ve definitely told some lies in my life. 

There is something I did to deserve this. Known or unknown. Do I feel like the punishment fits the crime, whatever it is….. No. But clearly that doesn’t matter. I did something or a couple of things that warrants demons being unleashed on me…. What they do from there… I guess is up to them and its not about being fair. Or balanced, or even learning a lesson at this point. I can’t even find the lesson in all of this because its just too much torture and confusion. Getting a lesson is for our own sake. It is our way of making peace. There is no prize, no lesson. 

This doesn’t excuse or make up for anything I have done. Enduring this doesn’t excuse what I have done in the past to deserve or contract this. This doesn’t wipe the slate clean. This doesnt purify. There is no lesson. Just abuse. 

There is no new age path, story or fantasy that applies. There is no cure. 

Even if my prayers and wishes came true and this Demon(s) *poof* magically went away, there is always the chance that it will come back and either try to ruin my life or make it even worse when I am down. There is no guarantee that this Demon will never come back and be gone forever.

No one will ever love me with this demon around. 

So it doesn’t matter. Nothing I do matters. 
Broken.