Sleepy Time Tea 🐸🍡

Another pattern I noticed and which makes me believe these particular Entities/ Demons NEED human consciousness to say communicate talk, make cognitive sense (relativity), compute reality …….. is because I noticed that they ALWAYS keep one person awake at night (at least). Out of the 4 people in my family none of us are sleeping at the same time it is rare. If my mom falls asleep in the living room the normally jolt me out of my sleep. Or if I go to sleep then my sister wakes up for the bathroom and calls me to assist her.

So if they didn’t need full functioning human consciousness then we all could be asleep at the same time.

While are conscious that does not mean cognitive. A lot of the cognitive behavior or persona that the Entity portrays is the shadow side or internet persona of my ex (false twin flame). It is mimicked and a bit crafted but not authentic.

So it is aware (conscious) of itself as exist but not as an individual. Only a task………….. what ever that is. What I assume is to curse my life.

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The Beings Made Bets on my Faith

I got tired of calling them Entities.

Either way the demon entity beings make bets on my life all day….. down to what I eat.

Even recently it took me some time to realize there was a demon in my kitchen trying to control what I eat cause they were making bets and when one of them looses they become really aggressive.

So I think I didn’t listen to one and then every time there after every time I went into the kitchen I started coughing and getting nauseous out grossed out by food or I wanted to pass out one time when I was trying to help do the dishes for my mom and I had to stop. This is all one or two days after. Then I realized how dirty and disgusting they are and how they play.

They would make me feel ill or wrap me in etheric parasites JUST to win a bet! And I’m over here crawling around my housing wondering WTF! This has happened so many times when I didn’t realize. Once told me not to eat my moms food and I did anyway and I was the only one who started projectile vomiting. So fuck these Entities.

So what do they get when they win a bet? Get to feast on my energy first? Points? Hell money?

Early on when this first started 2016 these demons said my mom hired my ex to turn me more Christian. “Meet my maker”. I guess energetically. Idk….. I was loosing my shit at the time. So yea you can see why.

I recently realized it was a bet between the beings to mock my faith. They have no faith so they don’t care.

Forcing me to be “more Christian” was about controlling ME and over me. It took me to see this because I kept trying to reconcile this and understand why the same demons who tortured me into suicide were also condemning me and trying to make me more Christian but then keep me from going to church or enjoying church or reading the Bible. It is insane …….. like they are.

My faith remains either way but I don’t like the way this feels. I take my time with growing in my faith.

But essentially this is their story at this point not mine. They choose to reveal themselves….. they choose to do what they do me.

πŸ™„

Happy 😊

I am choosing to be alone and fight this demon thing on my own. I don’t want to drag anyone into this I don’t want to this thing to jump or place a little fragment of itself in someone else. Also I know for a fact this entity wants to keep me from dating or being with any one else and has worked hard to interfere in my relationships.

I want it gone.

And then I think about the symbiotic relationship between actually engaging joy and not trying to protect it and healing. Because these beings have no body other than my own and are limitless or at least never ending in their chatter.

But the most important relationship is the one with myself which is constantly being intercepted.

Joy for was simple it was seeing people eat the food I spent hours preparing, joy was nothing but me and my baby blue bike getting lost in the outskirts of NYC and having find our way home enjoying the views of new neighborhoods and sunsets with the faint smell of honeysuckles. Joy was being my own personal doctor (google doctor) and gym trainer and cheerleader and telling myself to go that extra mile or learning the intricacies of detoxing the body.

But I can’t do that now. The voice make bets on leading me astray and down the wrong path, down to dates and appointments. Habits. Compulsions. Information. Promises. Everything is a lie.

So there is no time for joy only time for trying to figure out their lies. And if I have a moment of joy …… happiness……. laughter….. I am usually quickly punished with something about my ex, my father, child molestation, my sister dying which are all triggers.

So how do I find or obtain or grow or cultivate joy? Through the pain? Through the disgusting thoughts they shoot at me that enrage me in ways I didn’t know way possible? When I have tried my hardest? Or don’t try at all….. every angle ….. maybe just wait and they a tear come my eyes worried about another year that might past with prayers unanswered. That they will accumulate more and more and I will be no different than most of the other schizophrenics or targeted individuals or spiritually possessed (awakened mediums ect).

I know I must seem like the most womp womp bitch on the planet but I’m not im just being honest and critical about my situation. The situation IS critical . I have hella little monsters attracted to me and flowers all over my body and a snack on my third eye and astral parasites on my tummy that feel like a girdle. So life is 😳 and I’m on day 2 on antipsyche meds and it totally gave me the πŸ’©πŸ’©πŸ’© in the middle of the night so yea………

so I have to be critical there is a war on my body from almost every angle even myself. But I was trying to heal that.

Rambling………

Joy

I miss joy and veggies.

These Demons Gave My Sister a Stroke

Something told me they did. I couldn’t prove it. In 2016 when I started hearing voices 24/7. It was almost night and day. Like soon as it became 2016 BOOM voices 24/7.

I was trying to understand what was happening to me, who sent this voodoo to me ….. why was I hearing my ex’s voice EVERY WHERE….. seeing his name. Then BOOM right before our birthday my twin sister had a STROKE. Too young for a stroke.

I was devastated, I started drinking , I would come home after work and drink and cry all night about my sister in her room. And this was after crying for like 6 months after a breakup.

Then maybe once my sister came back home and I quit my job. I started feeling super heavy. I started getting dizzy every time I sat up. Especially when I would quickly sit up to help take care of my sister. I thought it was the stress. I had perfect blood pressure all my life even in the psyche ward. So a couple months in I started just feeling IT.

I mean I felt the “schiz” stuff before or the Entity rape…. burns head pressure…. but this was different.

I felt sick and worried.

So I got schiz, my sister had a stroke, my mom had a heart attack all in the same year. And I only started seeing how these Entities work in 2017. How they attach to the body where what why ….. so I’m really over this.

Even as I write this they attacked me started almost making me pass out with heavy energy. I can only imagine what that would do to someone who is older or not in best of health.

I mean even my health is deteriorating because of this experience. But they don’t care. They just want to make it so someone commit suicide or oops I killed them in a stroke or a heart attack because I sat on their forehead and suffocated their brain or plopped my dark heavy ass energy on their heart. Oops!

I hate them sooooooo much!

When that Entity came to me after I told it to come out of my sisters room and I felt that sick energy the same that my sister said she felt a few days before……. I just knew….. it was confirmation……… I’m pissed I’m angry…… I thought there was some sort of law or code they couldn’t hurt anyone but apparently there isn’t.

So fuck them!

UPDATE: also after my sister’s stroke my sister went blind in her left eye.

Upon observation of my own body I’ve often had a rod or flower or overlay on my eyes with a heavy focus on my left eye to the point of pain. I even got my eyes checked out in the beginning. Everything was fine. Not sure now. Because I started actually seeing stuff in 2017. But the lights and flashes and whatever is in my eye that maybe allows me to see this light frequency HURTS. And then I wonder if it allows them to see like us.

Not sure if it’s a direct connection to my sister but I’m just saying.

I keep seeing these black sparkles bigger and bigger more and more and I just wonder if my sight is going to go away one day because all of this activity that’s constantly happening on me.

Spiritual Suffering πŸ˜₯

Shared with me from a fb forum on spiritual suffering:

Try and read it a few times.

Suffering Teaching

Hebrew word for suffer is “yagah”: grieve/AFFLICTED/torment

Greek word for suffer is “pascho” from word “penthos” which means sorrow/mourning/grief

Afflicted in Hebrew is “Ani” which means oppressed

Afflicted in Greek is “kakopatheia” which means suffering(experience of evil)/PERSEVERANCE

Kakopatheia: to experience affliction that seems bad (miserable) from an earthly perspective but in actuality is sent by God to accomplish His greater (eternal) purpose!! ❀❀❀

WHEW!!!! THAT’S AMAZING!!!!

Luke 24:46

“Thus it is written, and thus it was necessary for the Christ to SUFFER and to rise from the dead on the third day”

Romans 8:15

“And if children, then heirs-heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we SUFFER with Him, that we may also be glorified together”

Suffering with Christ, for Christ. ❀

Philippians 1:29

“For to you it has been granted on behalf of Christ, not only to believe in Him, but also to SUFFER for His sake”

No one wants to truley suffer, but suffering for Christ and His Gospel is different.

Many in early church viewed martydom as a high calling and spiritual gift through which God would be made known.

Martyr: a person who is killed or suffers greatly for a religion

1 Peter 2:20

“For what credit is it if, when you are beaten for your faults, you take it patiently? But when you do good and SUFFER, if you take it patiently this is commendable before God”

Christ is the perfect example for everything in life-including the reality of “SUFFERING” and the Christian “response” to it. He endured and did not retaliate verbally, but did what was right!!!

1 Peter 2:21

“For to this you were called, because Christ also SUFFERED for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps”

Suffering wrongfully is commendable in God’s eyes.

1 Peter 3:17

“For it is better, if it is the will of God, to SUFFER for doing good than doing evil”

1 Peter 4:15

“But let none of you SUFFER as a murderer, a theif, an evil doer, or as a busybody in other people’s matters”

SUFFER=Blessings

Proof???

1 Peter 3:14

“But even if you should SUFFER for righteousness’ sake, you are BLESSED”

1 Peter 4:1

“Therefore, since Christ SUFFERED for us in the flesh, arm yourselves also with the same mind, for he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin”

If God’s people live according to His Word, they will not suffer as evil-doers but for their good conduct.

Because Jesus suffered for us and is sovereign, Christians should approach SUFFERING with “the same mind” (attitude/perspective) that He had-enduring it willingly and looking beyond the SUFFERING to God’s purpose.

God’s people will never “cease from sin” in this life, but SUFFERING for the sake of Christ has purifying effects and can increasingly free believers from sins power so that they may “live… for the will of God” rather than their own priorities.

Suffering should be expected for those who follow Christ. ❀❀❀

No matter what reason for suffering, God does use it-sometimes as discipline as it is written in Hebrews 12:5-11.

Here is a list of a few of God’s purposes of why He allows suffering

1. To train us in obedience (Hebrews 5:7-8

2. To produce patience (Romans 5:3)

3. To prevent pride (2 Corinthians 12:7-9)

4. To teach His ways (Psalms 119:65-75)

5. To prepare us to comfort others (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

6. To prove us

1 Peter 5:10

“But may the God of all grave, who called us to His eternal by Christ Jesus, after you have SUFFERED a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you”

Peter concluded by reminding readers that their sufferings are temporary and will serve to “perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle” them.

There is no shortcut to character, no detour around difficulty.

Hebrews 12:5-11

“And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as sons: ‘My son, do not despise the CHASTENING of the Lord, nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him; for whom the LORD loves He CHASTENS, and scourges every son whom He receives’. If you endure CHASTENING, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not CHASTEN? But if you are without CHASTENING, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live? For they indeed for a few days CHASTENED us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness. Now no CHASTENING sems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been TRAINED by it”

As one “endures” we should consider Christ (the Christians hope and greatest example of one who willingly obeyed God during suffering)

A lack of suffering is not a sign of favor but of illegitimacy. God, Our Father, does not allow His children to go about their business unchanged. Like a good parent, He disciplines His sons and daughters because He loves them deeply.

Training, discipline, and corrections are painful, but not permanent. God’s CHASTENING is the only sure way to obtain the peaceable fruit of righteousness.

CHASTEN:

Hebrew word: “yasar”: to discipline/correct

Greek word: “paideuo”: discipline/EDUCATE/train

“Paideuo” from word “pais” which means (a child under development with strict training)

❀❀❀

SUFFERING/CHASTENING

-educates

-corrects

-disciplines

-trains

Thus says the Lord!!!

His Divine plan. His perfect plan!!

As I suffer I am blessed with the fruits of His Spirit.

I am honored to suffer knowing that I’m now obedient to my Lord God Almighty.

Thank you!!!

Shalom

I can’t believe this is real life. 😳

So like WTF?

How is this real life? Like I know life has ups and downs, but right now I hit a plateau of just going to sleep and waking up to nasty Entity voices saying and doing nasty shit all day.

And like a LOT of people are hearing the exact same nasty shit all day….. how is this real life?!

I just can’t believe this is my life right now.

I’m only staying alive cause I’m petty other wise I’m pretty grossed the fuck out by life at this present moment. All levels.

I’m done trying to understand my abusers on all levels. I can’t wrap my mind around their logic and I need to accept that I never will.

Spiritual, emotional, mental, political abusers!

I can’t rock with it…. I don’t get it…. especially when they don’t stop.

This is how people snap….

But I won’t…. I’m petty. Fuck that shit. I’m too cute for that.

I just never thought in all my life I would be harassed by some disgusting demonic reptilian 2D flat floating astral assholes 24/7 none stop……. and made to seem crazy.

A waste of time and life. Like I don’t even care about these assholes.

I wish the were like sucked into a black hole never to return.

I can barely get fresh air with out being harassed.

I just never thought this could be real.

I will never understand why or who or how or why….. because it’s insane. There is nothing to understand about the insanity. You want to pick out some pretty gems cool, but essentially this shits insane and pointless.

So……… idk.

Princess. πŸ‘Έ

So I was scrolling through Facebook and Bored Panda had the cutest clip about this Dad who Makes Transforming Dresses

I’m into fashion believe it or not. I use to sew crazy performance outfits for my friends who were in the Vogue Ballroom scene. So this dress had what would be called an “effect” ….  Just that little extra bit of wow or drama. 

Either way I’m watching this clip in aww my mouth dropped from the creativity. And I knew any girl or femme would love to have something like that its like you turn into an instant princess. 

BUT OF COURSE THE ENTITY COMES IN and starts saying I’m watching child porn. And I’m like HUH? 

And so I just started crying…. Because I realized I may never think the way I use to ever again. Just…. normal. I have this curse…. This entity……. This inserted thought constantly talking about child abuse in a gross manner. It doesn’t matter what the topic is…. It could furniture….. Or tree. This entity will find a way to pedo that topic to torment my life. And I’m over it. 

I’m sorry I just started crying…. And I write when I cry. I’m tired of being molested and burned and constantly having to think about this topic. I’ve really tried to ignore it…. But then I bust out crying and I can’t help it it upsets me and I know they love it….. its there juice. 

Maybe I should have been heartless…. I wish I had a different fear….. A different thing that upsets me so much…. Idk…. Maybe Protecting the Rainforest or something…..

Just sucks looking at something innocently and then having it turned into something disgusting as soon as you smile. 

Whatever. 😭

Words Are Spells? (Repetitive Catch Phrases)

My eyes are your eyes. 

I can’t wait till you have eyes. (You see) 

I hope you never have eyes. (You never see)
I want to know who (my name) is. 

Now you know who (my name) is. 
I’m never coming back.

Go HOME!
When I try to say this phrases back the “female” one yells “OPPOSITE” out. 

I figure if these were spells I could figure who sent these demons and stop this insanity.

Occasionally the phrases will change with two or three words. But I don’t know what is the point of saying these. 

Maybe the two or three entities switch off (on me or) different parts of the body this way.

It hurts either way. But I know they don’t have and ounce of compassion that I once had for them.

At time I feel like I’m being energetically pimped…. Or like a circus show. 

If that wasn’t the case why was I stripped of my energy until I couldn’t move and in poor health?

When I have mustered up a little bit of happiness, energy/ motivation it is quickly stripped. Maybe with in half a day. 

There has to be a way……. I’m like in my prime. This sucks. 

UPDATE:

“Omg you are awesome”

“I love you”

Can you imagine these words being said to you then almost immediately after you are bing energetically raped. 

Sprit Snatchers? 😱

A couple of times, I felt like my “spirit” not my soul was being snatched or tugged out of my body. Kinda like a Peter Pan thing (in once upon a time).

I wonder if these Demonic Archon Reptar Alien like need our spirit, our spirit is what I would assume animate us, I guess like energy play dough? 

I feel like maybe they need this energy from us to almost like….. Hmm create something to wear? Like a cloak of spirit imagined to hide whatever it is they truly are?

Or to create this illusion in front of us?

Just wondering. Its theory. I could be wrong.