Snapshot: What they just said: Fuck your college career

So I babysit my godson (despite my experience) because my missing my bestie and godson exceeded my hopelessness about my situation. I pick him up from school as a favor to my bestie because she is in school.

Her going to back inspired me to go back. So now I will be going back part time to just have something to do. I feel so much pain my body but I also get really bored listening to these demons all day.

I called these Demon Alien Spider entities retarded (I don’t like to use that term but for them it’s reasonable). Retarded because they are nasty pedo rapists.

And the big head demon said “fuck your college career”, then showed a vision of me taking care of my godson and then they had some quick convo and said “well we have to fuck something up in her life”.

So…………………. that’s my life every moment of every day.

Let’s see what happens.

Ooooooof.

Love is an Act I choose to engage in.

I am not love. I am a vessel or receptor that is inhabited by me (and maybe a few other entities unfortunately).

When I engage in love NOW….. love is a conscious act despite my experience. When I show love to my family and friends, when I praise God, when I engage in something I enjoy despite the pain of my experience. It is an act of love because everything in my reality currently wants me not to show the love that flowed through me so effortlessly. But naively to the pain of other.

Understanding other pain through my own helped me connect in a deeper way. I was one of those people that would say, “just stay positive”. And that is VERY DIFFICULT when your circumstances or experience does not show the fruits of “staying positive”.

I eliminated all things that was negative to me including human inaction. So when I do it is an act of love in one way or another. I know isolation. I’m ok with being by myself. Despite my experience. I like me so when I interact pleasurable or not it is an act of love. Not a feeling.

Morning Spiritual/Astral Rape

I woke up this morning being astrally raped. The way I know it’s not my subconscious mind is that these being take over my dream state and I made such a big fuss about the raping me in my waking and dream life that they have tried to move to raping me and making it seem as though I am masterbating in my dreams. REALLY!? I feel all of it, and since they are nasty fucks they wanna make it seem like it’s me. It’s not. Rape is rape whether you show a visual simulation of me masturbating in my dreams or not.

And they still do the pedo shit.

I heard one of them say something about they are doing this ethically and not lethal which could be them just repeating stuff from a target individual group, but there is nothing ethical about what they are doing. They want me to know it’s a rape dream they want to rape. Otherwise it would be pretty simple to have me live my life think it was all sex dreams which I never had in my life until now.

I fucking hate these entities. God said we suppose to forgive these entities are just sick. Please someone put them out of their misery.

I’m tired of talking about astral rape. I’m tired of getting raped. Them replaying traumas in my mind. Pedo 💩🤢🤢🤢🤢. Incest 🤢🤢🤢. Physical pain. Like over it. This is how I am suppose to start my day?

I just told my best friend that I really hate rapist. And that since my rape over the last 4 years I wake up to being raped by some entity every other morning if not through out the day. And it sucks.

There has been no progression in my case really. Nothing. Just a stand still.

East River NYC: Entity in the East River: How I see Entities

So I see entities a number of different ways. One way is in a dream state, the other is vision, which is very similar to recalling in the imagination, but forced in the mind. The next is if they are feeling BOLD it would be considered a hallucination or an apparition. So actually seeing an outline of these Entities just randomly in my living room or bedroom. As a side note they tend to stay in the same thing places. They don’t move a that much unless attached or seen.

Most often I see their watery outline. Or I see a smoke like line move through space. Or sparkles if I am looking it’s way randomly.

Most attribute sparkles to Angels and I have not found this to be the case. I have found this to be entities of whatever sort, connecting to or getting closer to you. That’s how they move. If you see a sparkle I think it’s an entity getting closer to you.

Now another way I see them is through what I call patterning. It’s difficult to explain because I’m still kinda understanding it. But against pattern be it in nature or in this city skyline I can see them as well.

The most recent occurrence would be a perfect example. So I take a cab home usually after taking care of my godson. The Uber goes up the FDR on the East Side of Manhattan. For a couple of weeks I have seen entities “patterned” against the LARGE skyline of Brooklyn but found it to be Queens later. I explain my experience HERE.

Basically I saw the entities face against the sky line and the a blue light dropped out of the sky. It was SUPER ODD! And even the voice/ entity that harassed me said “OH SHIT!” when I saw it. They are dramatic so I take that aspect with a grain of salt. But they looked similar to the entities that where harassing me. I calmly observed. Some nights I saw them in THE SAME AREA, which is where the Pepsi sign is in Queens. Some nights I didn’t but mostly I did.

Now I said since I give no fucks nowadays that I was going to go over there and see what’s going on energetically. And then you know what happened today? Lol they moved to Brooklyn. Lol so I saw the pattering against the night skyline in lower part of the East River.

Are they scared of me going over there? Why move? They act buck wild most days.

I’m not going to chase these demonic alien bobble spiders heads all over NYC but they can kindly get the fuck up out my city and my life.

If anyone does energy work or matrix work definitely check the East River or edges of NYC. HUGE entities over there.

Imma snitch fuck em. 🖕🏽

Update: It near Grand Ferry Park in Brooklyn.

Are We All Mad?

Are we all a little crazy? Like are we all being duped by the same type of entity? Or I’m the special one who all of a sudden gets the loud obnoxious stupid big head alien demon floating around like Casper?

Like wonder if all the “I hear God”, “God told me”, “Arch Angel Micheal spoke to me”, “Acturian Aliens channeled a message through me”, “I AM Isis reincarnated”, “Jesus came to me in a vision”, “I sparked to people who have passed on”……….

Like wonder if this is all apart of the same trick? Like we are all a little mad? Crazy?

I’m not saying that the universe isn’t vast. I’m not saying that God doesn’t exist. I’m just saying I feel like there is something out there that does NOT LOOK LIKE GOD OR ARCH ANGEL MICHEAL OR JESUS OR YOUR DEAD GRANDPA…….out here pretending to be these things in our lives. To control it.

Would you still believe in God?

Would you still believe your ancestors and loved ones that has passed on are proud of you? Can you know these things for yourself?

Something is not adding up with all of this and I’m just throwing this out there.

Call theme what ever you want, but something isn’t right with all of this and I’m not sure what is going on. Or why. Or why so many people.

While I know we have different belief systems. I like to find a commonality.

I can still believe God exist and know for a fact whatever is communicating with me is NOT GOD.

What does that mean for the rest of my life knowing how these entities play games and interact with other people entities?

Game over for me?

New Age Healing Trap

So over the last few months I have been to healers. And I was REALLY HOPING they could help me with my situation. I mean they can see the astral or matrix and beyond what I can see remotely.

See I see the astral right in front of me. I can see it physically in the 3D world on people. Not remotely or long distance. I see the astral all around me. Connected to people, places (building/parks) and thing (cars, things in home etc). So I don’t know how it works for someone who can remotely view.

However I need help. and while I want to wait on God, the nature/subject of my spiritual attacks and the pain, makes me feel like I have to try everything in my my means to make it stop.

I have an alien looking demon octopus spider thing that is “spiritually” or better “psychically” attacking new through the astral/matrix both mentally (non stop fucking talking) , emotionally (instilling false emotions) and physically (migraines, sparks of lights and shadows, back pain etc). Now this thing calls me a “child molester” all day. And will even describe the molestation of kids in my life in some way. After it describes it or says something it will then go on to molest/rape me! And I’m not a fucking child molester and it’s gross 🤢🤢🤢🤢 and no one wants to hear about no kids stuff. It’s so terrible.

One of my “love and light” new age light worker friends went so far as to say “maybe I was in a past life”, like fuck OUT OF HERE! So she fashions herself as Skemet or Isis reincarnated, but I’m a child molester? She (like many others) had them call her one too, just not as much as I have. Does she think SHE was a child molester? Then she said it must be a generational curse from my bloodline.

Imma need y’all new Agers to puck a story and stick to it.

I know that I think child molesters are the worse thing in the world. And my best friend has actually worked with me on having some compassion for them because many were molested too and they are probably suffering spiritually because of these mast bobble head alien demon fucks. And I think because it is a childhood fear and I want to protect children (I said this since I was a child), it’s easy to attack me saying I’m the very opposite of who I know myself to be. And I think because of this attack the need to spectate myself from someone like that it is easy to lack compassion for them because I am being attacked.

Think about it. Someone who is not gay, the alien demon calling them gay or homosexual, and then because they are being attacked they over compensate by having hatred towards gay people. Either taking it to the extent they actually hate or harm a gay person.

Granted child molesters are 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢. But they are sick. I’m not sure if they can be reformed but I can still have compassion for them as possible victims while still hating their actions.

I aim my hatred correctly. These demon alien things are fucked up and gross rapists!

With THAT BEING SAID!

I went to healers in desperation. I figured they know more than I about this dark side. Light workers kept calling me “of the dark” when I would beg for information on my situation. I could not understand why I was of the dark when most of my life has been to serve people of my community I gave over 15 years of service. Try to find the flow of God, to make my God and my parents proud of me since I was a fuck up in my teen years. And now I’m just a schizophrenic loser who sleeps all day because I can deal with the pain of entity attacks or listening to these rambling demon aliens idiots all day.

So you gave these healers my money. Hoping for healing or a reasonable reason this was happening. A magician told me that my spirit was a truth teller taking night classes in hell to get over fear. Oooooookay. The that my friend paid for said that I was in a room full that looked like a ball from the 29s dimly lit and a Chimera came in and said he was going to protect me (my sciatica felt ok for a day before coming back).

The latest that I paid for said I had a spider on my back and removed it. My sciatica help so much better and I felt lighter walking, however the migraines came back so my guess is that the spider just moved to the top of my head at that time.

The latest healer said that the “male part of my spirit” feels hopeless and that no one can save him and that anything she does will not work. 🤔🙄 Then she offered me to talk to her husband who does this work and that it will be “life changing”. Soon as I stopped talking to her after a week the sciatic came back.

Anything I do is to get rid of these nasty entities that are attacking my mind and body. My life.

I feel so alone now. That last healer was my final dig at trying to get help. To maybe someone understanding me. I really don’t have money to waste like that. If the healer can not permanently remove an entity then they are not healing. I’m tired of excuses. And I have done a lot of work to aid this process.

And I am suppose to wait on the grace of God while these demons rape me? It doesn’t make sense. I’m suppose to have a relationship with God when I do t feel like God is here? Isn’t that a little crazy? Like how? When there is prof he is not here with me? How many times must I repent? Account?

I want my mind and body back. Simple. I want these nasty demons removed and protection. That’s it. Seriously these demons are HEAVY. They have weight energetically. It’s not easy or fun.

Ever have a day where you are walking through your normal routine and it just feels hard to walk or like you walking through water or lag? That’s what most days feel like for me.

I know a lot of people are learning. But I don’t think I should be giving so much money for people who are learning about this shit. And they should have advanced people they trust to refer you to. Just over this bullshit. If I was a healer my main concern is protecting our people and giving knowledge as to what is happening to us. Donation passed. Seriously if any of these healers got rid of these nasty fuckers I would be more than generous. Guess I gotta really go at this alone, God is not here, Jesus isn’t here, these healers care about the coins, and I am over it.

Astral Spiders: And their web of lies.

🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢

What I see mostly NOW is astral spiders.

Unlike before where I saw developed trolls and reptilian looking beings.

These astral spiders are also like an octopus 🐙. Like a big main head, then these legs that can do many things.

This is just a quick drawing how I have seen them. I have seen 3 max at one time one on my left one on my right and one that looked female and shot out my perception when I awoke to seeing them. The the one on my left proceeded to take a straw that came out of their mouth and spewed “black energy” into my eyes so I could not see them as clearly any more. I could still see them moving around just not clear.

This attachment to my eyes allows them to show me dreams, and visions. Usually sick gross visions.

They are a hive mind and will often repeat things I am doing or thinking or feeling to the others. they have come to understand my emotions pretty well even the silent ones. They will also lie about my emotions trying to manipulate them and make me think a certain way.

BUT I KNOW MYSELF VERY WELL!!!

Fuck em!

They seem to attach to the nervous system.

Brain, Gut, genitals seem to be the easiest. They don’t seem to attach to the heart very often but occasionally.

The healer I paid to help me with my situation, while I thought she healed my sciatica caused by the astral spiders she seemed to have maybe moved them. They either attach to my lower spine/butt area ( severe sciatica) or to my skull/brain (SEVERE MIGRAINES). When the are attached to my spine no migraine, when they are attached to my brain no sciatica. Coincidence? I think not.

There are other cartoony looking looney toons in the mix but the main players right now are these spiders.

My guess is that the work for reptilian (whatever hellish hierarchy of demonic aliens they are), or bottom feeders.

Either way they hurt like crazy. My body hurts so much for so long because of them I actually for what it feels like to be ok. Needless and pointless pain. And I am wasting money going to the doctors for them to say nothing is wrong with me. They will give me a pill anyway. So like the schizophrenic meds don’t work.

They gave me high blood pressure meds, but my guess is that that when these demons mesh with your body, with your cells, possessing your skin, flesh, organs your nervous system, to obtain whatever the fuck it is they are trying to obtain…… it naturally raises your blood pressure. And then even MORE if they are trying manipulate your emotions and mentality to get you worked up. They also rape, just like the reptilians but maybe not as much.

I call the one I have seen talking to me “Baby Ghost” 👻 because their large heads kind of looks like Casper. Lol yea I hate them though. I’ve spent so much money trying to get rid of them. I would give the healer all I had if she was able to get rid of these things, but I tested her for 4+ sessions and I did not see much result or anything that was able to be maintained past my interaction with her. So it’s kind of pointless. Just a money suck …… for me anyway.

The healer said she got attacked by astral spiders before. And she does not like spiders at all, and going into my session she had to overcome her fear. To be honest it was martyring herself in a way.

This guy I watch called Detox Dude on YouTube said essentially if your healer is getting attacked then you need a new healer. A healer should not be making you feel like they are being harmed by your presence.

I mean I can see not remotely but in the physical 3D world things attached to people and I can assess their symptoms to astral attachments. I could also come up with a story as to WHY. But I didn’t go to a healer for a story I go to them for removal and that is what I keep getting from them. Story time. Not removal.

Not sure what to do anymore.

I just document this experience in hopes others don’t feel alone. So I don’t feel alone too.

We really are children in Christ

I am taking care of my Godson. And I have been blessed to be in this position. To watch him grow, to challenge myself, to love, to influence another human being positively (hopefully) in this world.

Today my Godson smacked me in my face because he didn’t get his way. We had a good day and he asked if he could give me a kiss on the cheek in bed, I said ok. Then he asked me to read a book, I said no because it was bed time and because he didn’t listen earlier. And stuck out my cheek for a kiss goodnight as he smacked it. This was the first time he has done something like this. But he does misbehave.

I stepped a way to the door and told him “Don’t you ever in you life smack me in the face again” I felt really disrespected especially since all I do is try to support and help him. I had to call his mom so she could reprimand him over the phone. He reluctantly said sorry. But I plan to speak to him more tomorrow about it at a level he can understand. That he hurt my feelings and he should not put hands on anyone else. (No one hits him in the house and I know the difference between play fighting and malicious aggression).

I know this is a part of growing up. Pushing the boundaries. But as I was watching the sermon from Transformation Church tonight. The message was in short about appreciating what God has got us through. And where we are now. And I thought about my struggles with my Godson. And how I could give him everything he needs and wants and he will ask for something else and smack me in the face when he does not get his way. A brat essentially.

I am a brat to God. I mean I rarely asked for much. But, good or bad, God got me through and made a way. Christianity is my roots. While Ifa is deep roots of understanding my ancestors. Christianity is what was instilled in me as a kid.

I think about how angry I am/was with God that he didn’t remove this demonic bobble head alien spider demon octopus 🐙 thing from my body and life. The pain, the 🤢, the rape. Why would God allow for something like this to exist and to harm me.

Last night I thanked God for allowing me to see this side of life and maintain some sanity even though I am clinically seen as insane with the label schizophrenic attached to me. I’ve met some interesting people. I saw that despite my previous sexual orientation my family really came through for me. And over time while this experience has not stopped there are some better moments now than there was 3/4 years ago. The intensity has gone down a bit but the pain is still there. Today was difficult to walk and I needed more caffeine than a human should have to reanimate my body and get through the day lol.

I got kicked out of Schizophrenic Group because I said something about God. I said that God isn’t a Happy Meal. Meaning that we don’t just wish and get what we want. That there is work that goes into it, spiritually or physically, emotionally, mentally, financially…. etc.

But I thought about how often (speaking from my own perspective, so this includes me) that we get upset with God and smack him in the face. And like a good parent, he stands there and wait till we are done with our shinnagings, or allows us to feel what not being in his presence really feels like.

It scares me because so many people commute suicide during these times, or do harm but that is our test and something bigger than my human brain can fully comprehend.

But there is light at the end of the tunnel or in the tunnel there is someone who is guiding the way.

I was just thinking about how we (like children) always want more from God, with the least amount of effort or remembering all God has got us through prior. And how we turn into brats when we don’t get our way. Or even hateful towards God.

I know I did.

Sermon here:

Unpopular Opinion: Fragmented Soul?

I have not expanded on this yet but I wanted to put this out there.

So many healers will say that our souls have been “fragmented” because of trauma of any sort. I meditated on this concept for a little bit and had a thought purely based on my perception.

Wonder if these supposed “soul fragments” and “light bodies” or “higher selves” are not really US. They are attached to us, but they are not OUR soul. That maybe all this fragmentation is that of an Entity that is attached to us and that is what the healer is seeing.

Entities play a very huge role in our lives whether we want to admit it or not. They can easily influence our beliefs and actions if we are unsuspecting.

Most of the entities I have observed are made of light or use light to move around. I honestly by default do not see them as good. Because the ones I have met lie about who and what they are exactly. Usually they will try to take a position of authority over you taking away some of your power. This can be as innocent as a spirit guide, angel, loved one that is watching over us to higher selves etc.

So wonder if what the healer is seeing and speaking to is these separate entities from our actual souls who then in turn influence our lives which ever way they want to. Wonder if it’s just another layer to the game I don’t particularly want to play?

All to often I get feedback from healers who give some sort of excuse for not being able to help me hundreds of dollars into the game. It’s frustrating. It’s either my fault or something completely out of my control. And i did not pay money to hear why you can’t help me. That’s why I hate when people charge for spiritual services. Like I get it, but honestly if that person was able to fix my situation I would MAKE SURE to tip them generously.

Either way, I just wonder if this is just another game to play for them. When the healer was speaking to the spiders that have been attacking me I did not hear any speaking or communication which is interesting since they are in fact attached to me and sucking my life force. I’m not even sure if me and the healer is seeing the same thing which again would be odd. Like they way I see the astral spiders I don’t know if it is the same way she does.

And why is that?

So all this higher self, light bodies, to me just seem like more entity astral play. Only it’s no fun for me. I’m a slave to trying to heal myself in some way. Spending money I shouldn’t with out much results.

Either way just some thoughts.