So…. Vegan asshole and I dated for a month and maybe a week or two. Things were OK. I mean I like him…. He has/had a similar experience as I so in some ways I find that comforting. I mean we can talk extensively about politics, and life and all the wacky shit happening in our lives. Without much judgment.
So early February my mom had a stroke on TOP of the heart attack last year and things got crazy because I also had to take care of my sister (who had a stroke last year) more full time. I wasn’t able to see him and then things got weird. I mean I told him exactly what happened and why but he …. Idk like it was going in one ear and out the other.
A week or two later he asked for me to go over to his house again. I told him I couldn’t. He said he wanted to see me really badly, so I said he he wanted to see me so badly he come drop by my house and I could talk to him outside. … Or maybe take a quick walk. I didn’t want my sister to feel uncomfortable asking to have assistance because he was there and my mom was in the hospital, just felt awkward. He started talking about doing stuff in the stairwell jokingly and I said hell nah. #wokefuckboyshit
So he decided to go straight home. I was cool with it, but was a little offended that it felt like he would only come over if could ensure sex. But I got over it…. Worse things to worry about like this Entity screaming all day … My family.
Later we talked it out and I was honest…. But he said me not inviting him in my apartment made him feel awkward… and he also take care of his uncle so he understands the responsibility. I let it slide.
We can sure argue. But I’m coming a point were I can’t compromise my healing as much as I like him.
So valentines day comes up and I think he sent me a happy vday text…. I said thank you, you too. No big deal….. But then he pushed it further….. It just got weird…. He said he was getting ready to go to New Orleans (which I knew about for a month) and had an extra ticket that he was going to surprise me with on Vday to just jump on a plane two days later. But since I hadn’t seen him …. He couldn’t. So it felt like he was dangling this ticket assuming I would even be able to pick up and leave like that.
After that I didn’t hear from him for like two months. Mid April he pops back up with the old “I miss you” text. And I just told him that’s nice. Next week he asked to speak on the phone and I told him I was busy. But I just didn’t feel like talking. I mean honestly I get my head blown up by this Entity all freaking day soooo I just could handle it.
Despite all the fuckboy shit, I honestly was left with a great memory of him, I liked our discussions and hanging out. I wanted it that way…..
Since I didn’t hear from him for so long, I also gave up on the dating thing. I mean my priority is healing, my family, and getting rid of this entity. Also the last time we were intimate in January, the Entity started involving itself…. And it kinda turned me off. Just not having privacy …. And idk it feeling like a joke…. And not being able to actually relax. Plus the Entity says my ex’s (twin flame) name like all day…. Just disrespecting his name to the fullest. So I just didn’t want to drag anyone into this mess. Especially if they are gonna ghost.
So I just was like whatever, I have to get my priorities straight and handle whatever the hell is going on with me. But Vegan Asshole steps on the scene again and starts texting me and I kept trying to push him away while being nice. I mean the first few times I ignored him but then it was just like whatever.
So today he invited me over for diner, but it is my parents anniversary so they were out and I still had to watch my sister. He kept begging and begging for me to go over to his house, and I think under any other circumstance I would have gone and it would have cool. I just vaguely told him I was busy.
Then he told me that Aliens/ Entitys told him that he was suppose to be with me.
We later spoke on the phone. And it was actually a good conversation. We spoke more about our experience and I think we differ in belief systems…. But that’s fine it seems that everyone does in some way. But it doesn’t explain the phenomenon of seemingly sane people having psychotic experience…. I mean kids are out here doing all kinds of drugs to feel and see the crazy shit I’ve gone through and I’m over here stuck in hell.
ANYWAY….. So somewhere in the conversation he switched and said that the aliens told him he is suppose to actually be with some woman from his job and marry her, but he doesn’t want to be with her he wants to be with me. Not to be judgmental but it was a turn off just cause he brought someone else in the picture. And if he knows how these Entities work…. The slightest insecurity like 1% is enough for them to nibble on. And its not even that I care about that I care about that…. Its just I don’t want to hear about some more negative ass shit.
Either way….. I was kind of warming up to him. But then he kinda bluntly stopped the esoteric conversation and was like “are you coming over?”
I told him, “1. I have to take care of my sis. 2. I’m not comfortable right now being intimate. 3. I’m trying to heal from this truama.”
The entity tried to twist a few things around during the duration of our conversation but was also yelling at me to shut up and not tell him anything. #bigmouth But I was actually concerned that he was falling for the delusion and just wanted to make sure didn’t fall for the trap.
Either way once he hears that I didn’t want to be initimate his total mood changed and he aggressively said, “NOW WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSE TO DO?” There was a really long pause and I ended up hitting the call end button by mistake to check to see if he hung up. But I left it there. I had my fill for the night. I was actually kinda had an OK day …. Cause I did my moms make up for her anniversary and made fun of my sister for buying McDonalds (its the little things in life), and kinda just a bit lighter than normal …. And then BOOM …. Fuck Boy Trap.
Honestly I wasn’t trying to test him, actually I was trying to protect him in my own strange way. But I don’t know what is his true colors….
Its a running theme kinda…. When I set a clear boundary ….. Or I’m not available right when someone wants it just blows up…. And I don’t know if this their own sense/ fear of rejection or something else….. Either way I feel like shit in the end.
Kinda over this theme…. Actually I am over all of the themes at this point.
But again I can’t compromise my healing at this point.