Invisible Abuse (Spiritual)

How do you talk about invisible abuse? Much like all abusers they silence you, keep up a facade and make you look crazy or weak.

While I was working with homeowners during era of abusive mortgage lending practices. We didn’t have a name for it but they all knew their pain, all had the same symptoms. They all had a look on their face, seeing 20, 30, 50+ years of homeownership washed away. We couldn’t name the abusers because everyone’s hand was in the pot. And they had flipped the loan so many times often they were paying the wrong services. This abuse was silent for years, if not a decade. It took hours of storytelling and unraveling tears and trying to make sense do just the tiniest bit of change to come about.

It’s not fair that I can not take my abuser to court. I can not find my own justice because I can not touch an Entity…..a demon. I get labeled as crazy and schizo and given meds that make high and feel like death. Because what I experience “isn’t real”. I’m suppose to take accountability for “allowing the demon in my life”, because I didn’t do enough salt baths, I didn’t eat properly, I didn’t put a bubble of white light around me, I didn’t pray enough, wasn’t Christian enough. And that’s the excuse for abuse…… for spiritual abuse……

Then I go to someone…….a healer in hopes they can name my pain. That someone actually believes me…..relieve me. And often I was met with prices that superseded any church, or anything I’ve ever spent money on. And was told to take my meds and I wasn’t doing “something enough”.

I’m still getting tortured still getting raped. Still being fucked with. Not because I haven’t taken enough salt baths, not because I didn’t try the meds, not because I didn’t gain my “authority” and tell this demon to leave, not because I didn’t pray enough or trust enough….. but because this has yet to be truly named.

I have yet to identify my abuser. Just Mr. Entity that can sound like a guy or girl and look like anything. I have yet to say what this truly is because each sect approaches it differently.

I can see, but I can not see how this all happens. And why me? Or anyone else for that matter.

“Take everything as a lesson!?!?!” Really that’s what you tell someone reliving rape over and over and over again? A lesson? Where’s the lesson for the rapist? Why must the victim always show compassion be the bigger person?

This is spiritual abuse!!!!!!

It wasn’t my fault I got raped! Why do I have to fucking relive it!?

I know how my mind function! This is not me! Saying “that’s your mind” is an excuse and a cop out to uncover some really scary shit! And I live it every fucking day! While trying to keep my shit together!

I just try to ignore the rape now, that’s how common it is. But I can’t.

I’m just tired.


Paranormal Trends

So like………………………..

what’s good?

I spoke about this before in my blog, but many of my guy friends who experience “hearing voices” or demonic experiences believe it is Targeted Individual Mk Ultra stuff covered up by the government.

Like before that it was aliens.

Before that was ghosts.

For that was spirits and demons and angels.

So like what’s really good?

It’s can’t be this many people. And like no one in the whole wide world knows what the heck is going on. When I thought us was some conspiracy the voices rolled with it. When I thought it was demons they rolled with it…… reluctant to roll with the reptilian thing but whatever they fit the profile. Whatever it is they have found a way to stop this shit?!

You know much this shit hurts!? Physically mentally and emotionally!?! Like damn. Like seriously I have felt like my brain was going through a grater. I have been electrocuted. Like damn.

Shit all I wanted to do was be boo’ed up eats some organic fruits and veggies and like live honestly. Shit.

And now I’m out here in the astral plane playing dungeons and fucking dragons and shit. Waste of my life.

They did not tell you this shit in the Bible. They said shit happens AFTER you die. Not while you are living.

So freaking lame.

Being Schiz is bad for the Economy

Being schizophrenic is totally not good for the economy unless you are Medicaid and taking their $350 a month drugs that don’t work.

Otherwise if I wasn’t demonically possessed schizophrenic I would TOTALLY be working paying these worthless student loans and traveling and buying shit, I’m way over due for a new pair of leggings. But oh fucking well.


Guess I will just lay in this bed battling demons all day as they fill my body with their dense Co2 hoping that they go away.

Creating Spaces: My Magic

So this popped up on my timeline from 2014. Prior to being attack. I have always had an installation arts. I love the idea of having “adult” spaces that brings out the inner child like wonderment. Where you can just be. Or not be.

I also was able to practice this a little bit running a farmers market. There were parameters to it but essentially it was about creating a fun, cultural, family like atmosphere around health.

We had live music, dance classes, cooking classes, gardening classes, tours, contests, giveaways, volunteering. Every Saturday you knew you were going to see a familiar and kind face. A friend. That was part of the magic, the give and the take. The interaction. People left with a bag full of beautiful organic vegetables but also left with memories …. skills…. feeling good.

So I always thought about these things in a grounded ways. I spent long nights before our 8am opening to make sure everything was perfect. That people were going to have a good time and those who were performing (vendors, artists, chefs, interns) had all the tools to do so.

Magic takes work. But it’s worth the memory.

I’m still interested in installation arts. But requires money space. I’ve already priced out one installation and it would cost a lot. Although when I’m not being harassed (rarely) I will mull over more cost effective materials but again with out going too far from my original dream. Mine. No one else’s.



It’s a great passion of mine. Especially after working on issues in this world where people and corporations are so ugly and greedy. You just need some beauty in your life.

Some day when these Entities leave.

Hell Matrix

First off fuck Winston Churchill for being a racist.

But I remember this quote popped up on my Facebook feed years ago. Encouraging me to wade through the struggles of capitalism and interpersonal relationships.

But little did I know it could be SO FUCKING REAL. Like shit …… I didn’t mean that shit literally.

Now I see demons and reptilians and shit all day. Hearing some voice that won’t shut up and desperately wants to be human but comes off as psychotic. It’s a lame existence.

Either way do you have a choice?

Reptilians Sleeper Triggers

“I have found that the DARK, their minions (Reptilian hybrids) and “Unawakened”/“Sleepers” tend to be triggered if one mentions:

– The 144,000

– The Chosen ones

– Twin Flames

– Highly evolved spiritual beings

Their 3D mind misinterprets. They think we are being narcissistic- when nothing could be further from the case. (Empaths are complete opposites from Narcissists). There may be “jealousy” or “resentment” felt, but they do not understand – there is NO “superiority”… There are however those with more experience. Those that already graduated. We are the souls that VOLUNTEERED to assist Mother Earth and humanity at this unprecedented time of Ascention. We heard the clarion call and we answered. We hold the highest vibration of LOVE and we wish to assist planets and their inhabitants to move into LOVE SPACE (The 5th dimension and beyond) with our FREQUENCY. We are experts at being “system busters”. 👍

They don’t realize that we have had the hardest lives of all. 😞 We did so willingly in order to be of service. ❤️

They have and will continue to attack us. They fear what they don’t understand. Lightworkers, stay strong and stand in your power -no matter what they throw at us. We are SO close…It will all be worth it.

😇🙏❤️” – Michelle Krebs Lagerquist


I mean things didn’t “calm down” until I actually hated myself. Like I hate being attacked everyday for two years and forced to see child abuse if I don’t do what they want.


Told to “Go home!”.

I never thought of myself as special. Just someone who struggles like the next and wants to make it a little easier for you than it was for me.

I have no super power other than my undying love for humanity. My faith in God and that some day we will be free.

Other than that, I’m just an average snowflake activist, who can’t bare to see the world go on like this. But positioned to t compromise my beliefs by working against a system while my tax dollars fund many things I do not agree with.

I’m ok with being average or basic.

Two feet firmly planted on the ground. As both average and majestic as a tree. As needed.

But this woman’s post is true soon as twin flame came into the picture this reptilians demon thing lost its ever loving collective psychotic mind. Still does. Still wants to act like him some days too. Even was trying to get me to be “attracted” to reptilians or it particularly. It gets real twisted in these parts.

I can’t believe this is my life.

Voices Snapshot

I noticed my mom seemed kind of bummed out. She’s not the kind of person to tell her emotions so I figured just do something.

My first thought was to maybe tell my dad to do something nice for my mom via text. But then I realized I didn’t have my wifi number anymore. So then I thought I would get her some flowers, even though flowers seem lame maybe they will cheer her up. The voices quickly pounce on me.

Voice 1: I’m tired of this pedophile incest bitch……

Voice 2: what’s wrong with getting flowers for her mother? (This “voice of reason” recently emerged when I stopped fighting with them both. Really I don’t trust it and it’s no different than the other)

Voice 1: (screaming) Die bitch. Your mothers going to die.

Me: I can’t believe I actually have to listen to this shit.

So because I wanted to do something positive and nice I had to hear about how my mom was going to die for little bit after all of that.

I later proceed to go out and buy my mom flowers with my last $10, just to cheer her up a bit. She does so much not sure if she wasn’t feeling appreciated.

What is awakening?

My awakening has been hmm more of a slumber……. so as I awakened to the fact that there infact evils and Entities in this world I was lulled into dream times if delusions where I saw ghosts and spirits and trolls and the firefly dragon flies and demons and geckos few other things some machines.

But in a way none of it was real. It was created. I have even tasted in a dream. But it wasn’t real. So was it actually an awakening or a false awakening? Plain ol’ schizophrenia? Demonic possession posing as enlightenment now?

So many different scenarios to keep you seeking and going and interested. Even when I’ve stated very clearly I am no longer interested in this game.

Sometimes I wonder what I would do if if this Entity left now. And I would allow myself the time to grieve and to be. I’ve been something else for two years now. Something scary and sick. I would cry with out worrying if some demon will come lick my tears to fuel their agenda.

So I awaken to a nightmare.

I’ve accepted what has happened.

I don’t know why or how I’ve accepted not knowing.

But I have not accepted the possibility of what is happening to our people.

Is that awakening?

Dr. Phil: Twin Flames 😳

Sheila says that when the love of her life, Simon, said goodbye, he claimed he was going away for a few days but promised to return with flowers in a limousine.
— Read on


I was initiated into this hell hole through the concept Twin Flame.

It was after a break up. It was with a man I lost a lot of confidence with and made me feel really insecure for the first time. So I was an easy target at the time. But these entities were still able to convince me that maybe all these insecurities were because of love and my hang ups and not because he just plain old didn’t like me and we didn’t work out. They even convinced me they were telepathic communication with him and sounded just like him.

Some commonality with her case was the constant obsession but keeping him away. Using music “as a form of communication”, saying there was a “bet” for a large sum of money involved or a large sum of money involved. And that some how death was involved (i.e. Forcing me into suicide for my “twin flame”).

So where does this all come from?

I mean ……….. I’ve heard some things but the actual application of it to my life is another thing. How these Entities applied it to my life were well deadly. Still are.

I mean even though I am over the “twin flame” I STILL to this day have to hear about this man (my ex). To the point where I’m like “can you please leave this man alone?” I’m tired of hearing about him.

But who came up with the twin flame rules? And how do these Entites know how to play? Like the money part?

Maybe twin flames in another dimension are the most amazing love, here they are not. If anything they show signs of if a incubus of demonic hold. No one should be running around in circles like that. I lost a lot since my twin flame experience. And yea I could be all “I’m grateful” but…… I got shit to do and this was not it.

I feel bad she went through this. It’s embarrassing. Now they are going to drug her to make her more presentable. But I still believe there is a spiritual health issue underlying. I just don’t know how to address it permanently.

Just moment to moment. Day to day.

I don’t know if these Entities go away permanently. Although I would like to think so.

I know myself just as I am writing to you honestly. But these Entities are another bag of beans.

It’s sad but I’m trying to keep faith that through fierce honesty and communication and compassion we can start to heal.

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