Who am I? What Am I?

I spent all morning racking my brain around, WHAT and WHO exactly am I in this “menagerie” of Entities and beings floating around me and my house.

These beings are starting to cover my own face to the point in a EMF photo you can barely see my actual face. (Again if you want to see you can just ask but those particular photos were scary so I won’t post them till I understand them better).

I feel like if you aren’t careful any being will come in and tell you who and what you are, just feeding yet ANOTHER matrix of lies to crawl out of. I don’t mind observing possibilities of truth, but I’m not taking anything for absolute truth just yet.

So you’ve seen it…… the memes that say we “are the light, be the light.”, that we “need to look INSIDE ourselves for the truth” all these riddles when we could just say hey this is what’s up. Either way…… how exactly am I suppose to look at myself physically or with in?

This part is kind of confusing me. I’ve worked on my mental A LOT and my emotional and while I might be 100% compared to where I was 3 years ago I did THE WORK while getting my ass rapped and beat my Entities.

I guess because I was/am assaulted by Entities there is a part of me that wants to just jump out of my body and handle them properly.

But also this all came from realizing how the have high jacked my imagination/ 3rd eye vision and my dreams. I’m my dreams I realized that it wasn’t mean driving or creating the dreams it was them. One of the Entities even was so bold to draw a simple drawing of who he was driving my dream, he was also trying to write but was having difficulty. I was only the observer. But how? Why? Very few of my dreams make sense now. They are mundane or just …. fast pace…. overall weird…. and I dream ALLL THE TIME. So it’s more like a place for them to play or live and act out and less likely my own consciousness. They are looney that is the best way I can describe it.

So as the observer and I can control this body 95% I say that because they can jolt my body and make it shiver, burn, be in pain etc and on rare occasions moved a limb, a toe or a pinkie. They can make me feel but they can not make me move with out a strong suggestion that I agree to. Say going to smoke a cigarette.

But how do I find that light with in? Truly? Not some illusion set up by the Entities.

Why in a photo I can see them but I can’t see myself (spiritually)? Am I locked in this body? Which is fine why is that these other beings can come and go as they please? And hurt my body?

I have so many question? And I again just don’t know where to go for answers. Or if those answers will suffice.

Part of healing to for me is deconstructing how and why we suffer. Critique it, trying to make it better for the next person. I take what I learned in 3D about healing and apply it spiritual. I have the option to wait on Gods grace (and the assumption) do nothing about my situation or I can be an active part in my healing and try to break this shit down not just for me but for others that feel like they are loosing it because of this odd experience.

I doubt any one reads this crap but lol if you have any good books or articles or methods to understand this better let me know.

❤️🙏🏼❤️

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Is this really my life? (Last night)

Im just complaining again.

I just see all my friend making moves having kids and wedding and successful careers and relationships and babies and going back to school just i am sitting here being pimped and raped and molested on the astral realm in the most vile ways ……….. alone.

The voice had the nerve to say oh i can go do something with my life. Well i was doing something with my life and it decided to show my vile images of child abuse forcing me to quit my job. And i am already waiting on disability. Because between the migraines, my body vibrating, my vagina being burned, the physical heavy energy of these entities amd seeing, hearing them non stop and feeling them I just dont know what the point of trying to take on any major responsibility if they will just attack me when they feel like making a bet of my life.

I tried to take on babysitting my Goodson once a week and that honestly wipes me out for two days after. And thats pretty easy stvleast easy compared to all of what i use to do.

I just hate this. And i am just trying to go through the process with some hope but after nights like last night…….. I dont know. I dont even know what the point of having a body is….. But then i remember others dont go through this level of intensity. Indont even want my body any more. Its just being used for vile things and thoughts and beings.

Last night i felt a very heavy very large entity trying to sitting on top of me. My groin area as usual. I didnt try to look at them closely like i normally do cause then they electro shock my system to simulate fear but if i was scared i wpuldnt have looked in the first place and they look like dumb cartoons ANYWAYS. But i didnt feel like being electro shocked in my system. And i told them to get off of me they are tresspassing. They are not welcomed. Get the fuck out of my friends house. I threatened to take a photo of the entity with my “longExpo” app on iphone that takes good photos of them, even though i really didnt want to do all of that. And it went away for a while and i tried to sleep again. Then i was awakened and i heard the main voice i always hear talk about money (like he use to with other entities at my house last year) and i tried to fight off the new entity and just knew at some point it was pointless. And it vibrated my body (some how weird visions of cats came into the mix) and the new entity made this wierd gross sigh of relief making me feel so gross and used last night. And other voice said something like you scared her (with the sigh).

Like not only do i have to be used by dudes in 3D i have to be used by these invisible entities in 4D. And i hate having a body now. I hate it, its pointless. It’s not mine to have. I dont want to be here anymore. I wish there was another planet i could jump to but i cant…. Probably doesnt even exist. No wonder everyone hoping for aliens to come down and take them mean while im not sure if they are the ones raping me so i am screwed either way.

And a friend told me this is “the highest honor” we can do for our people and stuff and im not seeing how being raped and used and literally like pimped on the astral is helping that. And like im gonna be a old betty talking this non sense in a senior home is that really the life i got to loom forward to? I worked so fucking hard to get out of homelessness and just be there for others when i didnt have much ….. And just do my best and work hard. And really? This is what life’s got to give me? Entity rape guised as schizophrenia?

Because everyone believe a good ghost story until its your best friend getting raped in another dimension.

Just OVER IT! I thought i was making some headway to be honest and last night was a reminder that they are waiting to pounce me at any given moment. Im fair game for some reason. EVERYONE ELSE is protected by the blood of jesus but my ass.

I really really really fucking hate my life right now.

How The Illusion Works

Examples:

Kim Noble: painting. Kim is a painter who has multiple personalities and allows her personalities to paint. This is an example of one interested me because it resembled one of my hallucinations. I would say this represents the Energy one would see which is usually not the full picture.

This is a quick drawing by me of a frequent “hallucination” I see. I feel like I can see the bare bones of what these beings really are but they can use light or dark to change themselves.

I don’t know who made this image but it showed up on my time line. I know it is suppose to be the divine mother Mary. This image caught my eye because again it looked very similar to that of Kim Nobles and my drawing. Now my drawing above can use light to create a dream or a vision to look like the image below. And that is how these beings create illusions. It’s the best way I can describe it.

Turning My Spiritual Attack into a Blessing

So don’t get me wrong. I have my days. And I want it to stop and I am standing my ground firm on that the best way I know how.

However…. my eyes have opened to knew worlds and communities of people I never knew existed. If it wasn’t for the internet I might be dead to be honest. Between the twin flame community and the targeted Individual community and the schizophrenic community there are so many that I can relate to. Most of us have learned to be soft with each other and built heart connections based on our traumas that we really can’t share with many people with out sounding completely looney.

But it’s important to really talk about it and unravel everything. Even as much as I write about everything it’s still difficult. Multiply storylines and merging storylines happened as well as confusion so at times I can only follow one frame work but usually there were multiple happening at the same time.

I want nothing more then to stop hearing voices all day long, and being raped by demons and being called vile names and shown distrusting images.

But this torture only propelled my fight to be outspoken for those who are are afraid to speak, to research, to observe.

I will always say I traded my FEAR for CURIOSITY. That was the first step to no fear. I picked up my pen and drew what I saw or I typed in my blog exactly what I was experiencing in that moment.

I then was able to reference back to these things at a later date and hopefully see a progression of sorts. And there has been progress. Slow but progress.

Carl Jungs Shadow Work also helped me learn WHY the demon aliens chose the topics they chose. Shadow Work is like root work ….. it’s getting to the root of an issue and a core belief system. I know that child sexual abuse is a big trigger for me cause of a childhood wound (that I mention in this blog) and because it’s just wrong. And they know it upsets me so just keep hitting that button over and over and over again. But I realized where it stems from and made some piece because at first it seemed like it was coming from no where. Like hearing “you’re a child molester” one day out of no where after not thinking about my childhood trauma for eons just seems random. But now I know why they picked it. Because I would murder them for what they did to me….. and they know it I ain’t above that shit. I will bust some 👽 alien mars attack heads idgaf!

ANYWAYS! 😇

So other than getting to meet new people and expanding my community (which has been difficult due to homophobia and low key racism in the spiritual community but that’s a whole other story) and learning more about myself, I also seen a whole other world *cue Aladdin theme song*.

While this world was scary and confusing. If this this world exist ….. I know there is a God. While they def look like aliens and act like demons…. I’m not sure WHAT dimension I am in exactly. So again trade the fear of the unknown for curiosity. Not sure how long I will be here but I can document as much as I can while I am.

They can hurt us, but figure out HOW they hurt us. They won’t kill you (least that I know of) just make you want to off yourself. Suicide is kind of like their signature move.

The more we strengthen ourselves and document for others struggling, hold space for other struggling, support them, allow them to feel, listen to them, the more we can start shedding light on these alien demons that are holding innocent humans hostage.

We can turn this into a blessing. Alien/demons are real! Let’s stop acting like it’s just Hollywood. Where you think they get the creativity from? So! Let’s turn it into a blessing and flip this script on all of them real quick. They messed with the wrong generation!

Peace and Love

❤️🙏🏼❤️

Inspirational Memes and Frustration

I get a bunch of religious or spiritual inspirational memes like this on my Instagram feed and like any other time in my life i would be with it…….. But im just so flipping gosh darn frustrated!

Demonic reptillian alien schizophrenic take over got me WEAK…. For real. I can’t. And like ive heard some people just stopped hearing shit. Others been struggling 20 years ++++. Like i dont know what my story holds and its freaking me out.

Im legit freaking out. Im over it. Its like having a roach under your skin and you want to just cut yourself open and grab it out. Like some real drastic shit like that. Im just so disgusted. I want to just jump out of this body that has failed to protect me from these vile creatures. I mean shouldnt that have been like … Idk …. Like top of the priority list when God made us? No demonic aliens can hack our biosystems. Only our lord God!

Yuuuuuuuuuuuck! Yuck! Yuck yuck yuck!

I can’t even see how anything with intelligence or sanity would be willing to even act like this. And im starting to use their words like “dammit” i never say dammit! But they say dammit like 500 time a fucking day or 4 years now im saying dammit! I hate this!

What in THIS WORLD IS THIS PREPARING ME FOR?! OR is this another lie? Just like all thos lying ass new agers. “Oh you’re attacked cause you’re a twin flame purging for the colkective and your twin….” ….😔 “oh you’re being attacked because youre a star seed light worker sent to help anchor light in the planet…they want your light juices” 😔 “”oh you’re 144k sent to save humanity” ……. Well folks if thats the case i am failing EPICALLY. So many excuses for this spiritual abuse …….. Now its Gods preparing me …… WHAT THE FUCK DOES DEMONIC RAPE FOR 3.5 FUCKING YEARS STRAIGHT ALL DAY GOTTA TO DO WITH WHATS GOD PREPARING ME FOR? Serious question!

Like this is major shit!

This isn’t oh i didnt get that job. Or oh i did get approved for that car loan. Didnt get into the school i wanted.

This is my life!!! My life force! My soul!

I am being bebased on the daily.

So i see these memes and ME….. Not the voices though im sure they have joined in, im like “YEA RIGHT!” Creating this…… Negativity and slowly possibly animosity towards God because of what is happening. And i feel bad about that too. But im following the logic and demonic rape = preppin for a blessin 😳 im not really seeing the correlation. And its fucking me up to even think like that.

Wonder if this is really my life forever ever? Just laying here being raped by demon to point i dont have energy to go outside or do much. Its so fucked up.

I miss the feeling of my body when i didnt have these demons inside of me. They evwn make my skin or muscles feel tight and im always trying to stretch them out but them comevrigjt back in it pointless.

I just needed to get this out.

😢

3rd eye vs Imagination

This man expresses that the “3rd eye” is from the “tree of knowledge” it is basically the understanding of good and evil. And I guess we are not suppose to know that.

I realized I never tried to open my my third eye. It was already open when I even tried cause I was scared cause I was getting these strange visions of my ex’s (false twin flame) remote viewing me. So that freaked me. But my 3rd eye was already open technically for me to get a vision like that.

Also when does imagination end and where does “3rd eye” start? I use to listen to music on my train commute and make beautiful dance routines of different colors on my way to work. Was that my 3rd eye? Was that Entities?

What about dreams? I know now for sure Entities play in my dreams. But what about before were they the ones creating my dreams before? Did they get bored and wanted to take control of my life?

So when it comes to the third eye you have hallucinations (eyes open apparitions, flashes of light, sparkles, shadows, ghostly mists etc) , then you have visions which is what I think more people think (eyes open or closed but works with in the imagination and is more involuntary), imagination (eyes open or close more voluntarily), dreams (involuntary unless “Lucid dreaming” which could then just be imagination or visions).

Point is I wasn’t really trying to go this route to be honest. The tree of knowledge. I was kind of tricked like Eve I guess. Dumb AF. 😞 Strange things were happening to me and I was feeling strange things and I needed answers! Just like you would go to a doctor if you felt sick right? Only I got like thousand differ answers and I was left to sort through them and I am choosing now to leave it all behind.

I don’t know if I am ready to leave my blog yet. But I am almost ready to leave all the new age esoteric stuff alone cause it’s not doing anything for me. And the people that do know aren’t able to help me either. Just saying.

Not sure how to cultivate a better relationship with God when I’m literally covered in demons. From above my head to below my toes. I guess I was trying to search for a good layer. But I haven’t found one. So I just need to ignore this demon matrix and get on with my like they already took 4 years of my life.

Communities I Keep an Eye On 👀

Spiritual Community: This mainly includes: twin flames, 144,000, light workers, kundalini, spiritual awakening, ascension, channeled messages, The Event, 5D, entities attachments and attacks, energy, healing, empaths, occultist/ esoteric. Meditiation, Many different spiritual/religious belief systems in one place. Incubus, spirit husbans, reptilian,archons, matrix, star seeds, ancient cultures,

Alien Encounter Community: understanding acturian, paladian, grey, reptillian, mantis beings. Channeled messages. Earth bound conscious abductions. Star seeds, 5d earth, the event,

Targeted Individuls Community: gang stalking, street theater, mk ultra, v2k, project paper clip, nano technology, chem trails, electronic harrassment and torture, Morgenellas, CERN, EMF radiation, ELF waves, government patents.

Schizophrenic Community: paranoia, delusional states of being (even if you are right), anti-psychotic medications, symptoms mimick that of targeted individuals and spiritually opressed people (or vice versa), being seen as crazy, healing, theraphy, cognative behavioural therapy, transpersonal therapy, carl jung’s shadow work, hearing voices as a large scope of people rather than just schizophrenics (who twnd to have a negative experience). Sub vocal speech article,

Christian Community: Are they voice hearers? Hearing the voice of God? Is it God? The Event? Is the same as the rapture? Armageddon? Understanding demons/spirits through a Christian/ religious lens. Book of Enoch. Keeping/strengening my faith in God through all of this, the 144,000, Jesus, history. Story of Job, of Paul, of, Saul and Jesus all having been taunted by demons and the devil in the bible.

———————————–

Most people i have met are stead fast on their path and stick to their path. Thats fine. I found that there are MANY similarities between the the belief systems. And thats just in the 3rd Dimensional world explination.

Could it be that all the alien encounters, hundreds of praised gods and goddesses were just spirits or major demons trying take Gods glory because they simple could? I mean the Entity here with me has NO problem saying they are God and rape me in the next moment. Sick right? That is enough to make anyone to loose faith. Its a win win situation for them. Either they make someone loose faith in the One True God OR they Get some one to believe they ARE God or an authority of sorts.

But that is besides the point. These are the main communities i have studies and i have reached a plateau in my research. I can see them, hear them, feel their gross energy. Ive drawn what i have seen. They conflict with some of my research. And i havent found anyone i can use as a sound board to really confirm much of what i see. But definitely confirmed what we hear and feel. Visions and and hallucinations are a bit different. A vision is in your minds eye. A hallucination is standing in your living room you can walk around it. But they are not 3d theybare more flat 2d line drawings i can walk around.

Anyway the plateau is frustrating. Cause i want to move beyound this or i want it to be over.

Its my anthropological mind that got me here. Im always too curious. Why…. How? Whats the story? I could not accept this as a broken brain. I was hearing words and phrases i never even heard before. I had to google them.

I have heard people who have been cured of their affliction similar to mine to mine through medication, but also though shamic healing, also through prayerand the grace of God, some meditation, so im just wonder IF i will ever find my healing.

I mean being all over the map has both a blessing and a curse. In one way as i research and went to healers who gave me information that conflicted with something in the storyline the demons were creating. First it was telepathy as twin flames with my ex as were supposedly fractions of Isis and Osiris souls. 😔 spare me. Then when i rejected that they went on to say i was being raped and called a child molestor because i was “paying for my father” which was my dad was accused of molesting me which he didnt (i wrote about it many times in this blog you can search it). Then they weree trying to convince me they were God by blacki g me out like 3 or 4 times. Then when i started seeing them and they looked like alien or reptilian or demon trolls heads floating around…. Things got UBER confusing but that didnt stop their torure one bit.

So jumping around helped me understand most of it was bullshit. BUT the path to actual healing looks future away. Or confusing. Amd no salt baths and picturing a bright white light around me did not work.

I was recently told i am one of the 144k and a light worker and i have no idea what that even means. To me i was wouldn’t have have the innate power to blast these things away? Just saying. I just feel like 4 years of my short life has been wasted all to a demon. This is not why i was born. To be raped by demons all day everyday.

Im still pushing through tho. I still wish i had a mentor that could help me ubderstand this stuff. If im going to stuck with them might as welm make them my lab rat expiriments. Since thats what they are doing to me. Fuck em.

What I See June 2019

Not a very catchy title of blog post but i guess i dont understand why others dont see what i see.

Like they are really all in the house and on my family memebers. I can understand them not hearing or maybe not being harrassed by them. But i dont understand not seeing them.

Ok maybe every one in my family has pretty bad eye sight so that could be a factor. Idk. But not my best friend and her house is cover in them too.

When they move they almost sound like a fuse being blown or a match being lit. So like i can even HEAR them moving. And at times hear a low rumble for the larger ones moving.

So I am just trying to understand why me. If they are on everyone why me?

I remember whrn i was with my ex i joking asked what would he want his super power to be? And he said time. I said omnipotency. Lol only cause im a nerd and curious about everything. I DID NOT MEAN THIS! im just wading through lies. Its just super frustrating.

Its like the joke about the “tree of knowlege” is that you DONT actually get to have “knowlege like God” like the serpent said. lie detector teat determined THAT WAS A LIE. You just experience good and evil. You do t evem KNOW how it truly happens. But if adam and eve were in the garden with the serpent (satan=evil) they already had to have been good and evil there. Maybe i need to brush up on that concept a bit more.

Either way….. People put here like to fashion themselves Gods and they are not. I just feel like im going in circles. I just feellike i have allthese puzzel pieces and they kind of make sense and thrn they don’t. Or not for sure. Or they make sense to me but i dont have much confirmation from anyone else that im not totally off my rocker about what i am seeing. I just know what i see emits EMF radiation with the app thays the only confirmation i have gotten. I have had a lot of confirmation on what i hear. But not on what i see. So i wonder why.

idk.

Sex and Suffering 💔

After my break up with my ex (false twin flame) in the summer of 2015. I tried dating to get over him maybe 6 months later. But every date I went on ended up turning into sex even though i didnt want it to. And i didnt know how to say no.

In my head….. We would talk all night, maybe make out, eat some good food. But it would quickly become sexual and i would blame myself for being there in the first place and i didnt want to be disliked or for the situation to turn ugly like it has the other times i had said no (rape). Being a people pleaser sucks some times. I did this about 3 or 4 times thinking each time would different. But it wasnt.

I felt like things were spiraling out of control. I mean i had this break up with my ex, i had this energy of obsessesion which i didnt feel connected to and it was driving me crazy cause it was like being split in two. I didn’t want to feel this feeling of obsession that i never felt before. I wanted it to stop. So i did what i would normal do. Move on. But i kept being met with the dudes that just wanted to hook up and i didnt know how to navigate.

In December of 2015 i hung out with with MMA fighter dude, he seemed cool. But i did hear a voice say “SHE SUCKING KARMAS DICK NOW!” as MMA guy walked into the other room (so i didnt see him say it). I thought he was talking about an ex or something. But i didnt make a big deal out of it. So on New Years 2016 he asked me to hang out but i realized this once i met him this was after he had already hung out with his friends and got lit. And that was a bit of a turn off. We made out and he asked me to call him “pappi”which im not latinx and not my thing and then wanted me to go down on him, which i did hestitantly and he knew i wasnt into because he said why was i looking at him like that. It was because i was disappointed.

I will also be honest and i am ashamed to say that i thought in hindsight that engaging in sex would prolong my stay after traveled all the way out to see this person and after he said he was tired, i knew that was my que to leave. So i realized it was the voices that said “shes sucming Karmas dick now!” But they dont always make sense but then they do in a strange fucked up way.

After that day i was over it. I was tired of being used….. I wasnt getting what ibwant which was a solid relationship with someone who respected, cared and loved me. And so i made a choice to be celibate.

Then my world started to crumble.

The voices became more predominant. My dad had a really scary heart surgery, my gay uncle died out of no where, my twin sister had a stroke. It was woa. And the voices were pretending to be telepathy with my ex (false twin flame). And i was loosing it all. Complete reality melt down.

Then the voices kept saying “wait for A(ex)” (relationship/sex) and another would say “for the rest of you life!”. They would make it seem likecwe were going to get back sometime and othertime like we would never get back together.

The voices would ask “would say dont ask for anything!” And i thought this was telepathy with my ex. But then a female voice came in a bunch of time and asked ” what do you want? A house, a car, money?” After saying “nothing” hundreds of times i said a house, because my dumb ass thought that my ex and i family could live together in a nice big house. But mainly i wanted to stopped being asked this question over and over again. And a male voice said “who would want a house in this economy?!”. A female voice said “don’t you mean you want A(ex) ?!”. I thought i had answered the question wrong. I thought it was suppose to be him and not something material. Idk. So i said FINE my ex!

Thats when everything went down hill. The voices acted as my ex and his roommate or best friend (female voice) interchangeably. “My ex” (the demon voices) would force me to have orgasms randomly through the day. His friends harrassed me, tortured me in ways i didnt know was possible. Screamed all day. Cursed at me. Called me all sorts of names. Burning my vagina, giving me migraines that felt like brain aneurysms, at night my body would feel like it was floating, i mean i could go on and on and onhow i was torture. They would say he was with some one new and prettier than me. And I just could not understand why he was toying with me and doing the orgasms and sex stuff. It felt wrong. So i asked to stop and they wouldnt.

It wasn’t until i denounced the twin flame did things started to get even worse. The visions went from harassing to abusive. Andcshowing images of child sexual abuse. Even my ex abusing children from my job. I mean it was BAD. Lime really fucking bad. To the point i has to quit my job. And they were calling me a “child molester” and saying i was now suffering “in the place of my father” (who was wrongfully accused of molesting me). All the while they were raping me. After i quit my job i said well now im now i cant be a child molester cause there are children to molest (being facetious). Boy was that a bad idea. Then they kept showing me sick images and i called them pedos and then they started calling me a pedo! 😓 fucking hate my entire life. Seriously.

So after about 9 months of celibacy and tripping balls, loosing everything, being psychically attackedin ways i didnt even know was possible. I decided needed an adult sexual relationship cause i was really getting sick of the pedo shit and it was scaring me.

In October of 2016 started dating this one guy out in jersey. I told him inwas in a fragile state because i had a mental break down. I still didnt understand it fully. I mean i still dont most days. I told him i wanted to hold off of on having sex. We went on a few dates karaoke and nice dinners. And indecised to go to his house deep in Jersey. Again i told him i didnt want to have sex before hand. Affection and kissing and spending time with each other is fine. But before you know it i literally turned around for a moment and turned back around anf he was completely naked begging me to go down on him. And again i didnt know what to do. I should have known better AGAIN. I thought telling him ahead of time that my boundary would be respected. And i was in the middle of bumbba nowhere new jersey with no real way out till the next day.

We dated for 4 weeks and he planned the “Sweetest Day” which is celebrated on the 3rd Saturday of October and is kind of like a Valentines Day. The week before i was having really bad psychosis and it took a toll on me physically so i didnt have the energy to make it all the way out to Jersey. Then the next week was the sweetest day. But my grandma passed away. And he had thr NERVE to get mad at me. Like really actually raising his voice and stressing me out mad at me for canceling plans (not last minute either). So after that i was done for a while.

Also the voices kept saying “i cant wait for “great day”(my grandma catch phrase)” or “for the shoe to drop” meaning she was going to pass. I chose not to believe them cause everyone said they feed of of fear abd sadness. But they got me. They told the future AGAIN.

Either way i tried dating a schiz guy in December thinking he would be more sensitive that DID NOT go well either. He actually smacked me in my face during sex and then denied the whole thing. Also the voices were involving themselves in my sex life saying “yea i like it like that” and being gross as usual.

I mean they quickly bypassed the crazy and really sticking to this disgusting for a while now.

SO after ALL THAT HOT MESS I was celibate for two years 2017/2018. All the while hunkering down and just sutting through the rape and molestation and burns and abuse and sick visions and scary hallucinations and fatigue….. Electrocution ….. You name it. I cant even name all the abuse.

Then after two years i wanted to just talk to someone …… And thought i would JUST TALK to talk. Buti met a military guy who i thought i could have something special with. He seemed kind and really understanding that i had schizophrenia and talked about how he wanted me to have his babies. And so i thought THIS TIME introduce him to my family. And we dated for a few weeks. I thought this one was going to be long lasting from the way he talked to me. And then when i went to his house i wanted to but after 3 times having sex he just ghosted.

So no matter how i tried to do things different it doesnt matter it just keeps being a waste of time. I just wanted someone to hold me through all of this scary shit and tell me its ok. And love me and tell me im beautiful when the voices tell me im ugly.

All these guys were such a waste of time and i feel like such an idiot. And i really wish inwould have known better. And i wish i could take it all back and said NO and just had the courage to walk out. Because nothing amounted to anything.

Now i am back on my celibacy tip. Since like a month ago from military dude. And idk. Kust writing it out. I secretly want someone to be there but it is not worth the risk at this point. I just figured the voices WANT(ed) me to be alone and isolated so they can rape me and wouldnt cultivate love in my life. To be honest.

But im kot doing that either way. So its useless.

Whatever. 💔

Spiritual Cockroach

For whatever reason lastnight the entities where parctically having a conference meeting in my head.

As i was going to sleep i could hear sometimes what they were saying or sometimes not. I know i had the “energy of agreeing with something” i didn’t know about and i was like WOA WHAT WAS THAT?! And woke up.

I could also see a few different ones when i closed my eyes it was like this dim plasma light would phase over the entities and i could see the outline of them like a flalight briefly passing by. When I opened my eyes I saw maybe four dots.

Also a loud female voice I believe said ” i didnt know she had a cockroach!“. This isnt the first time i heard something like this. I remember before i got sick (voices 24/4) hearing “i knew there where cockroaches in the ceiling” I feel like this was in reference to my ex but an overlay (mean a voice said it) but I wasn’t as aware back then, and i belive someone in an article back in 2011 referred to Archons as cockroaches.

I was lazy about scrolling around the internet for research this time around. But I did find one persons link between demons and cockroachs.

I mean it could be the one of their games again to confuse me. I read an article that called them ticks /hitchhikers and then I saw maybe a few weeks later the outline of a tick (maybe 3) being raised out of me. But when this happened……when I tell you I never felt so good in my life. 😳 DUDE like all this esthetic weight that I am carrying was lifted. I didn’t feel choked, I felt like I could breathe! But it was only for a moment.

So that feeling is my bottom line. To be truly cleared and freed of these beings.

I mean they slowly will attach to every part of you and you really won’t notice . Like now they attached to my thighs and my thighs have been going numb for no reason. And when I notice they might move away. It’s so weird. So they scurry like cockroachs.

So there are a thousand names for these beings but no way real way I have found so far to stop them from connecting and harassing me.