Snapshot: What I hear. 😞

So I am currently upset with my sister because like all I do is do shit for her and like i was kind of forced into this role and the on top of it hearing the schiz shit and no respects that I don’t want to hear TVs and my sister is always telling me to shut up unless she wants me to do something for her.

Anyway totally separate complicated human emotion shit sister and then the voice comes in and says: “You are such a ……… B. A. B. Y. !!!! You want to be pedofiled like one!?!”

So fuck my life….. Threats don’t even matter anymore because they are still going to torture me anyway.

This is an all day everyday thing. And I’m kinda starting to really be over this life.


I Feel Energy

I can feel an see large energy in an around my body.

Usually I will feel or hear it first, then say I look at it on my arm or leg and see it slightly move almost looks like how a heat wave looks.

Sometimes when my head is on my pillow I can hear it moving the fibers in my pillow. I’m observed this for a while before fully believing it. I guess it wasn’t until I could see the Entity making marks and impressions on my skin did I say ok this is in alignment.

Some of the impressions are temporary or more of an overlay while there has been some that left a more permanent mark.

I try to deal with it as best as I can. I mean waking up one day in a real version of some body snatcher shit is not where I thought my life would be. But is so subtle and far fetched no one will believe it’s real.

I wouldn’t have.

When I can actually see some of the Entities I have seen a large centipede that hangs around my bed. I’m unsure if it is commanded or just a natural part of the astral.

The only reason I wonder if it is commanded is because I hear Entity voices the only reason that I would think otherwise is because they don’t really coincide with what’s being said.

There is like so much happening at once and I’m sure that helps with keeping me confused.

Unfortunately good or bad it all gets lumped into the group of wanting this to stop. It can be super painful at times. And I can’t go to a doctor for it. There is amount of Advil to cure it, no amount of blood pressure meds to calm me.

So I just look at everything I see with curiosity ………. are yo the one that rapes me at night?

What I see: Bitsa 😱

I saw the word “Bitsa” energetically in a photo of me. I never heard of this word before. Occasionally I can see words in photo as well as Entities.

I guess I didn’t decide to make a post about this until I saw the words in another woman’s photo in a group I am in.

I found two meanings for the word “Bitsa”.

1. A person of no fixed nationality. One who has many backgrounds and no attachment’s or desire to be associated with any past family history.

2. “Back in the Saddle Again” – meaning back to work or to whatever you are supposed to be doing. It indicates a state of readiness to get down to work after a break.

3. Bitsa in Sesotho (Sotho South African Dialect) means Call in English

This is also from urban dictionary so there is no clear background as to the origins on the slang term. I want to say I maybe heard it in a movie where like a Italian person said “Bitsa,bitsa!” To go back to work but I can’t say for sure could be an influence by the Entity.

But also as someone who is extremely mixed it is also applicable as well.

But seeing the same words in another woman’s photo I don’t know what it means.

So what is this indicating why is it in our photos?

Shade | The Magicians: What I See 😱

” Shades are the part of the soul that makes people process complex emotions like love and pain…”
— Read on

At the height I was seeing beings with big holes in their chest. They seemed like temporary versions of a larger being (usually humanism). Like fractal that constantly are being birthed and consumed of themselves (makes no sense, it’s the only way I can describe it).

Some had holes there some had a smaller being in their chest.

When I heard about “Shade” in the series the Magicians, it kind of reminded me of the beings with a hole in their chest. (See the “shadeless” section of the link.)

I still don’t know all of what I see. I just know I see it. And there seems to be many different names and many different explanations.

This also goes back to my previous post that “what’s so wrong with being human?” Divinity and Humanness.

It seems not until our emotions are manipulated, disregarded that they perpetuate the cycle of pain.

But who the fuck am I? Hmm? Some doe eyed young buck with a foul mouth that’s only been on the earth 35 years technically 36 if you count womb incubation.

So is this the underworld? Overworld? I mean bravo on the spooky haunted house hell display.

And no one has answers?

I love earth and Gods work……. But seriously fuck this matrix.

Divinity and Humans ✨🌎✨

So I saw this image in a group I am in. Talking Acturians “aliens” beings whatever.

They say they are more divine than humans, live in another dimension free of these bodies, war ect.

I guess I wonder why Humans are viewed as garbage. I mean even we view ourselves as garbage. Maybe we wouldn’t do some of the things we do individually ………. collectively.

Why must we “transcend the body” in order be recognized for our “true divinity”?

I suffer for the eons of human error? Or is it JUST human error?

Being partially possessed puts some but not all things into perspective.

Since the beginning there has always been this since of…….. shame….. otherness to the human experience. There were always God/s/desses that looked down on Humans. Making humanness seem more like a curse than a blessing.

This body feels and sees maybe too much. It grows and dies…. birth and decays in the most violent ways. And yet that is something that not respected. For its short duration of existence.if anything that is manipulated to someone’s or something’s advantage ……..and I’m talking at all levels.

Possession makes me feel like a battery, a fucking tool or drug. Maybe that is our human error. The root. Why we could never be “divine ” because we are easily manipulated and we have no idea what the fuck is really going on.

And no one wants to really say and even if they did how would we know it’s not yet another lie, and even if it wasn’t it conflict with someone’s else ideas and their would be arguments over the minute details as to discredit a person.

Why aren’t humans considered Divine?

Why aren’t we allowed to enjoy the beauty of the earth? Suffering in our our DNA it seems.

Transcending our “humanness” is suppose to be the pathway to “enlightenment” ascension. Whatever path language you wish to use. There is nothing divine about being human? Their is no hierarchy to being blessed. Why can’t it be that we all have different experiences and we assist each other. Is thanks idolizations?

The supposed Gods are not perfect. If anything the stories showed us that over and over…… neither are we. We all clearly make mistakes.

This is who I am! Human! I will never be this again. You can believe whatever you want. I will never exist again.

I am – ME…….. I am here writing these words for the first and last time.

So what exactly is divine?

The flowers I see.

I have seen the Entities have like this up to their face or behind them or riding around on one.

I have seen the like vines of these all over my body and the smaller entities with the face buried into the face of the flower. I only recently noticed that these flowers had the resemblance of the flowers Egyptian art. Not all entities have these.

Not so often a human face (the smaller ones) But sometimes I will catch a glimpse.

It almost looked like a way of connecting to me or breathing or extracting …… something. It wasn’t for just looks. It had a purpose.

Am I a drug? A ground for the blue lotus?

It would be nice to know what happened to me and why any time now.

I want to live.

Jibberish 😒

So as I wake up the voices talk uhm jibberish. I mean it’s words but it kind of doesn’t make sense. But in that moment it makes sense because not only words are being used to communicate.

Sometimes I interject most times I don’t. I often don’t feel like the communication is directed at me since I am not even truly conscious.

I often worry if this is the slippery slip into disorganized thought.

Yea that’s about it.

Why do they hate me?

Why do the voices hate me so much?

Enough to kill all my dreams and try to force me into suicide?

I can feel the pain shift around in my body.

Every vile thought floods my mind and I have no choice but to listen.

It all hurts.

Rape hasn’t ceased yet.

What did I do to them?

Why do they hate me so much that it worth years or torture?

I just don’t get it. It hurts so much no matter the volume or frequency, topic or level of consciousness.

It hurts.

And it’s constant reminder of my chains.