Performance Artists: Rhythm 0

As I try to remain silent I am reminded of this artist who remained silent for 6 hours while human did whatever they wanted to her.

Energetically I have these 3 or 4 demons that will do the most horrible things show me make me think threaten my life stop me from breathing and essentially I have to sit there and take it.

The only thing is THIS MOUTH πŸ‘πŸΌπŸ‘πŸΌπŸ‘πŸΌπŸ‘πŸΌπŸ‘πŸΌπŸ‘πŸΌπŸ‘πŸΌπŸ‘πŸΌπŸ‘πŸΌπŸ‘πŸΌπŸ‘πŸΌπŸ‘πŸΌπŸ‘πŸΌ will cuss them out for hours and let them know exactly about themselves. But honestly I don’t care I don’t even want to know cause their assholes making fun of them being reptilians isn’t doing anything for me and part of me feels like it’s still a lie. Like someone or something playing with reptilians demon dolls toys but the matrix is funny that way.

And responding is my way of correcting their lies so I don’t get swooped into another delusion.

So I how do I stay silent? When it’s work to remain somewhat sane?

Also silencing my mind is not difficult at all on my end it’s just all the crap they fill it with.

I’m just tired of being strong πŸ˜“

Dark Light? ✨

How do you trust the “light” when the “darkness” is false light. It looks like light. Can act like “light” deities …. ancestors or loved ones?

This entity said to another entity “yea we lit her (me) up like a Christmas tree” mean lit me up with a bunch of Entities and demons and curses beings black magic.

So how do you trust the “light”?

How do you know?

Does it even exist?

Is there even good spirits or spiritual world?

Why are these beings doing this? It seems pointless to me?

10 years of stalking to then try to convince me to commit suicide in the last 3 years? For what?

Idk. Darkness has light….. quiet a bit of it too. Rationing it out for more light or whatever the agenda is. Idk. But they have light. Like a dull lighting. And it sucks that two worlds can not get along …… but it would only make sense….. look at our world but then knowing HOW they influence our world negatively and now are just becoming more noticed …….

BIG SIGH….. just doesn’t make sense.

The Beings Made Bets on my Faith

I got tired of calling them Entities.

Either way the demon entity beings make bets on my life all day….. down to what I eat.

Even recently it took me some time to realize there was a demon in my kitchen trying to control what I eat cause they were making bets and when one of them looses they become really aggressive.

So I think I didn’t listen to one and then every time there after every time I went into the kitchen I started coughing and getting nauseous out grossed out by food or I wanted to pass out one time when I was trying to help do the dishes for my mom and I had to stop. This is all one or two days after. Then I realized how dirty and disgusting they are and how they play.

They would make me feel ill or wrap me in etheric parasites JUST to win a bet! And I’m over here crawling around my housing wondering WTF! This has happened so many times when I didn’t realize. Once told me not to eat my moms food and I did anyway and I was the only one who started projectile vomiting. So fuck these Entities.

So what do they get when they win a bet? Get to feast on my energy first? Points? Hell money?

Early on when this first started 2016 these demons said my mom hired my ex to turn me more Christian. “Meet my maker”. I guess energetically. Idk….. I was loosing my shit at the time. So yea you can see why.

I recently realized it was a bet between the beings to mock my faith. They have no faith so they don’t care.

Forcing me to be “more Christian” was about controlling ME and over me. It took me to see this because I kept trying to reconcile this and understand why the same demons who tortured me into suicide were also condemning me and trying to make me more Christian but then keep me from going to church or enjoying church or reading the Bible. It is insane …….. like they are.

My faith remains either way but I don’t like the way this feels. I take my time with growing in my faith.

But essentially this is their story at this point not mine. They choose to reveal themselves….. they choose to do what they do me.

πŸ™„

Bjork Videos 😳

So first of all I’m a weirdo.

I like weird abstract shit. Innocent weird abstract shit. It can be dark in tone but not creepy…. you know what I’m saying?

Anyways I love Bjorne always have. I went to her concert with my friend and like danced in bubbles until I like threw up.

I wasn’t feeling her really minimalist stuff for a while …… her lyrics are always beautiful but the beats were just not doing it for me.

But this new album UHG …… Utopia is soooooo great!!! Just a merge of her earlier romantic works and the minimal “awakened” works in this exploitation of what everyone loves about Bjork! You just get a full package experience…….. music, thought provoking lyrics, sick beats, mind blowing fashion, otherworldly music videos, no one can do it like Bjork.

Now my only issue is that some of the visions I had were similar to some of the dreamy like gardens that she was in or having insect like Mantis around me or the light explosions I see all the time and so it’s difficult for me to enjoy now.

I don’t know if the artist had a similar experience and turned it into something beautiful or it just came out of no where or maybe they had a really really cool set of extra terrestrials around them. But I don’t and it sucks and it’s triggering unfortunately cause it’s beautiful.

“Neva gonna get it, Neva gonna get it”

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)

5Β 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

6Β 

in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

————————

I was reminded today by someone’s post that I’m probably never going to figure this stuff out. So trying to figure out this scooby doo mystery of who or what is raping me at night is pretty much a waste of life. AT BEST the only thing I can come out of this with maybe assist others in “reclaiming their time” with not wasting much more than needed to reconcile for themselves. That is not something you can just tell someone to be but an evolution.

Much like growing in faith and as a person. I can’t say what will stop these demons. How or why they got here.

There is trust and there is also discernment ……. there is faith and also trying ….. so I am trying to still reconcile faith and trying….. since I’ve tried so hard…..

Happy 😊

I am choosing to be alone and fight this demon thing on my own. I don’t want to drag anyone into this I don’t want to this thing to jump or place a little fragment of itself in someone else. Also I know for a fact this entity wants to keep me from dating or being with any one else and has worked hard to interfere in my relationships.

I want it gone.

And then I think about the symbiotic relationship between actually engaging joy and not trying to protect it and healing. Because these beings have no body other than my own and are limitless or at least never ending in their chatter.

But the most important relationship is the one with myself which is constantly being intercepted.

Joy for was simple it was seeing people eat the food I spent hours preparing, joy was nothing but me and my baby blue bike getting lost in the outskirts of NYC and having find our way home enjoying the views of new neighborhoods and sunsets with the faint smell of honeysuckles. Joy was being my own personal doctor (google doctor) and gym trainer and cheerleader and telling myself to go that extra mile or learning the intricacies of detoxing the body.

But I can’t do that now. The voice make bets on leading me astray and down the wrong path, down to dates and appointments. Habits. Compulsions. Information. Promises. Everything is a lie.

So there is no time for joy only time for trying to figure out their lies. And if I have a moment of joy …… happiness……. laughter….. I am usually quickly punished with something about my ex, my father, child molestation, my sister dying which are all triggers.

So how do I find or obtain or grow or cultivate joy? Through the pain? Through the disgusting thoughts they shoot at me that enrage me in ways I didn’t know way possible? When I have tried my hardest? Or don’t try at all….. every angle ….. maybe just wait and they a tear come my eyes worried about another year that might past with prayers unanswered. That they will accumulate more and more and I will be no different than most of the other schizophrenics or targeted individuals or spiritually possessed (awakened mediums ect).

I know I must seem like the most womp womp bitch on the planet but I’m not im just being honest and critical about my situation. The situation IS critical . I have hella little monsters attracted to me and flowers all over my body and a snack on my third eye and astral parasites on my tummy that feel like a girdle. So life is 😳 and I’m on day 2 on antipsyche meds and it totally gave me the πŸ’©πŸ’©πŸ’© in the middle of the night so yea………

so I have to be critical there is a war on my body from almost every angle even myself. But I was trying to heal that.

Rambling………

Joy

I miss joy and veggies.

A Truth: Reconciliation ⏰

So I have seen 100s of different “entities” during this 3 year long attack. Mantis, aliens, golems, reptilians, troll, teddy bears, parasites, dragons, regular demons, geckos, “acturians”, vampire, ghosts, Shadow “people”, lotus’, sunflowers and daisies, butterflies, infinity symbols, Isis and Osiris statue, cats, mermaids, like half woman half man human esq faces, and countless other ones I can not describe. MOST that I see seem to be just heads. Head cut off by a circle. They were almost drawings and could be anything or anyone.

Now I HAVE heard my ex’s voice actually still do unfortunately. I’ve heard my mother’s and fathers. I’ve heard pretty much all of my coworkers when I was really loosing my mind. And that is why I thought it was originally telepathy.

I also hear 2 male voices and a female voice that I do not know who they are but they the main harassers. (“Gang stalkers”)

And I guess that’s where I came to a am epiphany. I saw 100s of astrals all over my NYC apartment. On the TV, on the enclosing my room creating a matrix, on my dresser in the hallway…… like woa, but my assumption is that they are all derivatives fragments of the same whole and can conglomerate at anytime and …………. say………. go back to what ever layer of hell it came from? Maybe?

I will hear the same voice coming off the TV in the living room or in my sisters room depending. Both have a little purple energy blob (actually more than one) hanging around it. That’s why ambient TV kills me because the Entity can manipulate sound as long as sound is happening. If not they they resort to white noise in the ears.

ANY WAYS, besides all of the different costumes (out of the 100s of Entities I have seen I still don’t know who has been speaking to me), and ALL the different “personalities” they try to pull off (such as my friends, family, coworkers, ex’s, lololol GOD lol) one thing has remained the same is their ACTUAL personality. One I’m not familiar with. So I’m going to assume at least one is new, but if I assume too much that just create more story and story gives them more play time.

Generally speaking these entities fit the profile of a “reptilian” sexually perverted, controlling, mean, manipulative, liars, mind control, dark negative thoughts all that corny shit. Most will just call them demons.

Be it targeted individuals, attacked “awakened” (whatever the fuck that means now a days), schizophrenics, or possessed, the voices are all generally the same. Vile, sexually depraved, twisted “consciousness”. They repeat the same shit over and over and over and over πŸ™„ and over and over again. Looping the same gross ass thought and trying to convince YOU that’s YOU lol when it’s THEM! Even when you know!

So the fact that these Entities are generally the same either saying the same thing or with the same agenda speaks volumes. But of course each person has their own individual life so of course each fragment of this energy will be tailored to them more less.

But there are too many commonalities. And I’m starting to get really over this…… and I’m pretty sure others are as well.

I don’t need proof with all these photos (although I have it). I don’t need to listen to them because all they have done is caused pain and looped it, lead me astray in my true “spiritual” journey and distracted me from my joy.

I know it’s not easy that’s why they use mind control tactics in our sleep. But for those that are struggling in this fucked up false ass matrix……….

πŸ‘ΎπŸ‘ΎπŸ‘Ύ GAME OVER!!! πŸ‘ΎπŸ‘ΎπŸ‘Ύ

Monkey Mind πŸ™‰πŸ™ˆπŸ™Š

“Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil”

I heard about the “monkey mind” here and there in reference to meditation. I think I just assumed it was the normal “thoughts” when you are trying to meditate and your mind loops “make sure to do this or that , hmm I want coffee after this, my back hurts, ect” ….. very rarely I would get a random image.

After being attacked the loops became more subtle the visions more often and it was all with the goal of mind control. One thing the quote above doesn’t mention feeling. Often burns and pinches and buzzing and electrocuted….. feeling raped … either end ….. held down or harnesses or cuffs. Like someone held my hand or kisses me. There where a lot of feelings and then SUGGESTIONS by the Entities as to what those feelings were or what they meant or what they symbolized.

But essentially it was all a lie.

Where I thought there was a ring on finger was probably a astral parasite placed there by an Entity. The harness that forced me to sit up straight and was part of their “domination” fantasy was probably also a bunch of astral parasites wrapped around my body, because the wanted to “teach me how to be a lady”.

So I hear, see, feel, but TRY not to speak evil, although it is spoken to me…… lies. Lie after lie after lie after lie.

The monkey mind is real but I have a house party going on and I don’t know why or how to stop it even if I keep an “empty” mind, they just fill it…… with nonsense….. none stop talking about stuff that makes no sense. Stuff from tv in a different room, mixed with the title of an email from a week ago sealed with their normal sexual perversions. So I’m observing the babbling and occasionally will be like HUH? But will go back to just trying to an “empty mind” or pretending it is or just not engaging the Entities since they are completely insane.

There was a certain amount of monkey mind I agreed to or I thought was normal. The to do lists the getting things done ya know and then when the attacks happened and the house party happened I wasn’t totally aware what was truly MY internal dialogue.

There are spiritual concepts of “expanding consciousness” and I often wonder what is that? What or who or how is “consciousness” being expanded? Is this just another lie? Another trick to agreeing to allowing our bodies to being used until they can’t anymore.

I honestly don’t even see how these Entities can continue…… I can barely move some days. Again if I take a photo I can see ways in which I have been probed with their parasites and toy and tools and whatever else they use to do what they do.

I KNOW I’ve tried my best from many angles and I know I gotta be “patient”. But being stuck in the house because I don’t want these Demonic Entities to use little random children for pedophile shit in my mind is such a GRIM existence and I’m not sure if what I am waiting for will ever arrive. And I hear of so many schizophrenics who are stuck in the house for one reason or another for most of their life.

I once said something to the extent “It’s not how long you wait it’s what you do in the moments you wait.” This was to touch on being patient and intentional. But the things I would normally do in the “moments that I wait” I can’t engage in. I can’t go to the gym or farmers market …. lay out in a park for hours….. just take it easy until that next phase of life happens.

I don’t know how to cope or deal or heal with this one. All I have is faith that the demons are trying so hard to take away or condemn me for when I don’t have the perfect answer.

Big Deep Breaths! 🐨

Unawakened Father

TRIGGER TRIGGER: Gross πŸ’©

Ok so I wanted to document in my blog how these DEMONS are trying to play me. And I really don’t know what to do. I made the best decision I could granted my Demonic situation and I really don’t know what else to do to DEESCALATE the situation and TURN UP because I know that’s what’s these DEMONS want.

So. (Big deep breath) my father watches porn. I don’t care that my father watches porn. I mean up until 6 years ago I did too but I stopped. I’m not going to porn shame although I hold mixed feelings all together. Shaming others is not the way. Be it the industry or consumers. But yea….. all beside the point.

Point is. My “room” is an enclave with a sonji screen so privacy is so a minimum all it fits is a bed. I try to remain thankful although the loud noises and TVs can really make me want to run.

So my father normally does his work at the kitchen table about 6 to 8 feet from my enclave and because I am awakened at 3 or 4am every fucking night no matter the Benadryls I am normally awake when he leaves.

At first I would make him coffee and a kind gesture if I had the time. And almost felt it was my duty to send him off into the city jungle with a happy toned “have a good day!”. But soon …………. sometime into this ritual I started hearing porn sounds coming from his computer.

First time it was whatever, I laid in my bed motionless as the demons made a huge deal out of this moment and started flashing images of my father penis, or a penis and my father jerking off. And the demons would molest or rape me as the did this all from a moment of moans from porn.

I’ve personally avoided sex scenes in tv shows enjoy (ex: Magicians).

So while I don’t porn shame I do wish I wasn’t around ……. maybe me? I don’t know if I’m being too extra with that. I would rather be asleep and I have tried to knock myself out with 8 Benadryl so I would have to be up at his hour so that the demons can rape me on this incest play.

I wrote my father an email directly to him. Asking him if he could use his tablet and watch porn in his bed room. ” cause no one wants that image of their father” and I tried to keep it none judgmental and more about the fact that the demons harm me. I check his email and I didn’t see it in his email but I know I heard the email notification go off when I sent it.

BUT I think he did it again….. today………. and even if he didn’t the demons are trying to make me think he did so that I turn the fuck up and cause some drama and get my ass kicked out my parents house AGAIN. Like I have to sit there in fear and be molested by god knows how many spirit demons. And I’m tired. I tried to be open and clear and father ignored it and me. And now there’s going to be tension.

This is because the demons for whatever reason want to make me “aunt Joycey“, and I don’t even know what that me at THERE level cause they keep using it as an insult but but my aunts awesome.

There whole thing is that they want me to move to my aunts now and leave my mom who they gave a stroke and a heart attack and my sister a stroke to. And I don’t know why. But I do know they are taking advantage of an awkward situation that I would normally would be able to let go and blowing it up and making me look at my dad differently and really fucked up cause I know it’s not that deep to a man who is unaware and unawake.

I didn’t want to drag my mom into this, cause that’s drama. I didn’t want to mention this again cause drama and I just was hoping he would understand but again it’s already in motion….. it’s already in my head ……. even if he never does again it will loom around will this demon rape me at 5am because my father watched porn. Trying make me run away to my aunt J house?

Yea that’s my life right now.