Death Treats…..😩

So I was trying to sleep. And of course they went on as business as usual with buzzing, trembling my body, hard to describe the sensation but almost like my “spirit” is being stretched or yanked. Or maybe its their energy being yanked. Idk. 

Either way kept jolting me awake a few times. Lol this is why Schizo’s get irritated probably. 

But Archon homie tried to do this whole play like “I’m sorry, you want rose colored”,  I’m like huh? I guess basically rose colored glasses to look away from what they are doing to me and play. 

So now it made it seem like its “boss” came in and said “I know you are sorry!” Then the “boss” said in a deep tone “Ms. (My last name) your nwhole family is going to get shot!” Because of my previous posts honing in on Archons as the main cause of my schizophrenic experience. 

Now I am use to these tactics to scare me. I’ve seen and heard worse. But I’m REALLY getting tired of this shit. I was just trying to sleep.

Now that I’ve settled on it being “Archon’s”, they want to take another opportunity to scare me and make a whole elaborate play so it can feel like a powerful cosmic dot, when I don’t give a fuck. 

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Dragons Blood + Linkin Park πŸ

So last night I lit some dragons blood inscense to just you chill out. 

So the demon started doing like some gregorian catholic “ahhhhhh” music. 

First I wondered if I was coming from my parents TV. Then I realized that it wasn’t. And was trying to freak out. But it was kinda nice so I told him that it didn’t bother me or freak me out. It was nice to be honest. 

I started thinking about those commercials from the 90s of all those native american, chant techno songs. And then started kinda laughing to myself. 

Then the demon flashed an image of the guy from Linkin’ Park who committed suicide. Suggesting yet again for the billionth time that I kill myself. PS. Never was a Linkin Park fan but its sad he suicided. 

And I said wouldn’t it be funny if you did a goergarian catholic version of “crawling in my skin”, and the demon actually did it! It exceeded my expectation. I was trying to influence it but he waited until I stopped and then did it.

This demon has no chill. This was maybe the only funniest thing its done. Kill em with kindness. You tell me to suicide, I inspires you to remix linkin park gregorian style.

But don’t get it twisted. Still want it to go back where ever it came from. Always and forever. 

Got Weed? 🌴

Where the weed at?

So last night I smoked some weed to see what will happen. Just two or three puffs. Lol it doesn’t take much. I always wondered how my friends could smoke a whole L to the head but whatever.

So smoking almost immediately the voice went into scary mode unlike when I take an edible. Edibles tend to be more popped out. I didn’t “feel” as high as I normally do. When I smoke usually I feel opened up. Exposed to the world. I’ve even felt that way with this Entity completely sober. So its strange.

This time though when I say it went in IT WENT IN to try to scary me. This time felt more like mind control. It was a constant bombardment of EVERYTHING being related back to child abuse. It stated off with the Entity saying, “It….. Was ….. A-pparent………….. To me” trying to suggest that I was this demons mother and hurt it in a past life or some bullshit. And I just smoked my weed and gave it a big NAH.

Kept trying to convince me in every possible way, almost like it did when it tried to convince me it was God. It was like a very strong feeling. And I wasn’t budging. So I decided to watch Once Upon A Time….. And I mean this demon was relating EVERYTHING to child abuse. The most innocent of details…. To the whole storyline. Its almost like i had this Entity just streamed thoughts of child abuse in a mind control manner and just was like NOPE. It was twisting it make it seem like there was even an aundertone of child abuse. And I was just like NOPE NOPE NOPAh! Not falling for any of the bullshit.

Even my dream once i went to sleep, though there where no images, the entiry tried to give a “theme” of child abuse, it almost felt separate like it didn’t even go with the dream but interjected in this strange way, like a tick. It was woa intense. But I’m not falling for any of it.

Not this life, not past life, no other dimensions….. Its a NO!

Either way I might smoke some more just to see how stupid this Entity Demon gets. Not because I necessarily want to talk about child abuse ever again in my life.

This is like mental/ spiritual gentrification. 

Kiss my ass demon!

You Are Welcome πŸ™

I was practicing a Chi breathing technique on YouTube that a friend sent to me.

I noticed some blocks and add ons but whatever I always notice.

Either way, it talked about creating chi and then bringing it back into the body.

I rememered a moment when this all first started happening and my chest extending out past my shoulders felt like I was opened up. That’s when I first started to feel like I was dying.

I didn’t feel much in my center now, just this tender heart. I figured the entity took all my chi, that’s why all I can do right now is sleep, eat cookies and cry about the world.

The guy talking in the video said that we are “the most powerful free energy devices on the planet”.

So I immediately told the Entity, “you are welcome….” And I meant it. I wasn’t being sarcastic as usual. It was a gift.

I figured that I gave (well it took) my energy to this Entity. I just don’t know how to reve my chi back up yet……

…… Wonder if instead of scaring the shit out of me, disrespecting me, violating, if other entity beings whatever where to be upfront? Maybe we could live peacefully. 

Entity would be like, “Yo I really need this chi, I will make it quick.”

They won’t and… Maybe can’t tell me who or what they are. Maybe I’m too peace loving and just feel like if we just put the truth out there it would easier for all of us and work something out. 

Who knows, maybe I would be like “sure homie, you can have some of this chi love!” And i would just go wipe some more up later.

I can give with out receiving. But I don’t know I just need a bit of honesty.

Who knows maybe chi doesn’t even exists. Maybe I am pulling this out of my ass. Maybe they don’t need all this brain electric goodness or this golden chi.

All I know is, there has to be a better way.

πŸŒΏπŸŒΉπŸ‘€πŸ‘½πŸ™βœŒπŸŒΉπŸŒΏ

Crazy Talks: What I See πŸ‘€

Just jotting down some notes.

I don’t see this on anyone else but myself.

There are two very distinct things I see other than the visions. I see the these circle dots that can divide into multipuls. And I see this vibrating heat wave looking thing that moves in and out of me. Think like a clear slimmer from ghost busters. 

So I was commenting on a post to a lady that says she can remove implants and the slimmer thing shot out of my stomach and my stomach/ back area vibrated trembled and I could see it moving around outside of me. 

Noe occasionally I during the day will get headaches or I will feel the pressure on my head and I will hear almost like a distant train tremble vibration. I think this vibrating clear thing is the pressure I feel on my head, the anxiety, its like its the ….. Emotion and sensation maker. I don’t know if it is a separate entity or controlled. My guess it is controlled. 

Now the circle dot thing seems to be the visions/ dreams/ hallucinations/ Logo maker. But I’m not sure to what extent it morphs and uses light. If I pinch the corners of my eyes I see a circle of light in each corner. Not sure if this is bad or good. But I’m sure it plays its part. I have literally seen visions (waking dreams) fade away into almost a logo (a simple none color emoji vision), I have also seems dreams fade as well. 

So I see this dot thing that was never there before as the cause of the visions. And this energy slimmer thing as the cause of the sensations I feel. 
After it jumped out of my stomach it went for GUESS WHERE you guys??!?? My VAGINA! Of course! My vagina! I felt it go there after it shot out.

I’m really over this Scooby doo mystery. Seriously. 

Twin Flame Reboot

I know why the Entity picked my ex (“twin flame”)…… It was because he didn’t love me or find me “hot” or attractive.

I had always wondered why it was him and not my ex (“soul mate” of 5 years), and it was mostly because we remained friends and had great communication.

I mean it pretty much started out that way with my “twin flame”. I wasn’t sure if he even really was attracted to me because he would talk about how models treated him at an events. I didn’t want to be the result of someone’s low self esteem. He was def not a result of mine……… or maybe he was. I guess I gave it a chance because I know its never black or white or that simple, it takes time for people to get to really know each other…… I tried not to let it get the best of me. But eventually it did. 

Its not all his fault. I mean I am demon possessed schizophrenic, so I’m sure that didn’t help.

But I’m pretty sure that is the reason the demon choose my ex “twin flame”. The foundation was mud and our communication was like pulling teeth. And clearly I’m an over sharer because I don’t like there to be much confusion.

My ex was not a “twin flame”…. But a “false twin flame. And was only used to lure me to my suffering.

It gnawed at every once of confidence I developed in my adult life. Widdled down to nothingness because I fell for a few tricks.

Everyone says “things happen for a reason”, I’m really not confident in this experience. It is beyond the words I type. The words your see. This is just the tip of the iceberg because I would never want anyone to dive into that depth. 

I am frustrated and beyond hurt.

This isn’t about “being a victim”. I’m stating facts. I would love for this to be over and go about my day. But yea. I’m ….. Done with it. 

Crazy Talk: Multi personality πŸ‘«πŸ‘¬πŸŽ€

So the voice in my head I THINK has multiple personalities.

There is only one I have telepathy with. Then when the TV is on male and female conversation. And then the one that screams “aaaaahhhh fuck yoooooou” over and over, but that one I can change what it says. They are all mean and judgmental, talk about me like I’m not there sometimes. 

Then sometime when I’m falling asleep I get these buzz zap and a different kinda voice saying very short phrases. 

So the last few were “DUI”, “Jicobe (hospital)”0, then on another day “she’s pressing charges”, and “limited express (bus?).” 

Each time I got those different messages right before sleep it would shock me out of my sleep mainly cause it hurts and its louder. 

So I’m not sure what those are. I’m not making much of the messages because I don’t feel they apply to me. And of course the voice won’t tell me the truth. Even tried to convince me it had something to do with my ex. 

So just jotting those notes down.

πŸ’” Fake Happy πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜­

So last night and this morning I guess I an in greif mode because I’m so upset about my health and I feel stuck and lost, and poor.

So because I am so keen on myself, or because I’m balling my eyes out when I stop crying I can feel the entity trying to make me “fake happy”. It lime feeling all your facial muscles trying to smile, it doesn’t feel natural, a little bit of a blank mind.

This demon entity uses “positive emotions”, as well to control people. 

I am literally grieving my body and all the pain, memories, and fat that has been stored in this vessel. 

Although my sister still has to use a cane. She has started to go back to work to push herself in her healing process, and now I’m here lost in my own.

I know I have to loose weight I just don’t know how to do it in this current circumstance. Food is so expensive around here, and being active is painful with this entity attached to my throat, head ect. 

I just don’t know what to do any more. ME I’ve finally ran out of answers. I was always the bitch with an answer, solution and something to say. 

And I have no idea what to do now and I am at a lost for words as to how fucked I feel.

$pirituality πŸ’΅πŸ’΄πŸ’ΆπŸ’·πŸ’ΈπŸ’°πŸ’±πŸ’²πŸ’³

So a kundalini guru guy told me today that NO ONE can remove this Demonic Entity for me. 

Which I now suspect thousands of dollars and 5+ “healers/shamans” later.

He said no one can remove it I have to remove it on my own. That’s part of the work. 

I just uhg. I’m angry. I wasted so much time, money, life, energy, health.

I dont know what to do. I just feel like I’ve been set back in life like 10 years while aging 20.

Just getting emotional. I can’t always hold it inside….. And I guess I really needed to accept that this entity has been lying and playing around and acting like its leaving for over a year.

I needed to accept that people did not remove this entity in any way.

Schizo + Disassociative Identity 😱 (+spirituality)

So I quickly read through this article on Disassociative Identity Disorder by buzzfeed. 

As I was reading through it I had this notion while I was trying to fully understand if the “personalities” are acted out or if they are observed. I know of a lot of people who also have “black outs” or periods of time they don’t remember.

Prior to “becoming officially schizo”, there was a period in time where I started to not feel “like myself”. I even told my ex twin flame. I didn’t know if it was because I never dated men prior. 

I just felt Angry, really really angry, mistrusting, paranoid, obessesive, lustful.

I could not accept this change in personality. I tried every method to reconcile these feelings with in myself. Lol spells that didn’t work. I couldn’t talk to my twin flame openingly so it only made things worse.

In short I feel like prior to schizo, my “personality” change could have been a disassociative identity and the more I resisted the worse it got, until I cried and cried and cried and cried, and boom full on 24/7 none stop schizophrenic.

On the spiritual aspect to this was that it almost feels like a spiritual possession of sorts was happening slowly or I was unaware, and I restisted so much. I kept questioning always “why don’t I feel like me”, and those “spirits” demon alien whatevers had been stalking me for a while. So when I resisted so hard, looking for answers reading, shamans. And finally…. There it was….. Even through the schizo I resisted resisted and here right now to tell you, cause if I didn’t I would be dead. 

Its like because I wouldn’t fall for full possession (disassociative identity) it aimed for schizo (demon haunting), and went to the worse thing in the fucking world as torture (sexual violence, molestation) as a mode to get me dead or locked up or just plain old looking crazy, something not good.

Idk that’s what came to mind from my side of the story. I have no idea why these things are here or choose to torture me. 

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