Spiritual Abuse πŸ”ͺπŸ”«πŸ’£

There is no reason to be spiritually attacked there is no excuse. That’s like a rapist saying she asked for it because wore a short skirt. Fuck THAT!

Victims of spiritual/astral abuse will blame themselves. They will say, “I deserve this because I lied when I was 12 years old” or something just as ridiculous. We seek peace and that’s the easiest route than grabbing at air. But we seek NOW. Dwelling on the pasts on shortens our time in becoming the person we wish to be the best versions of ourselves. 

Our capitalist system says “you are not enough!” , so by this product and subscribe to this lifestyle. Spirituality /religion says you are not enough, you didn’t pray enough, you did something bad, some past life bullshit generational curse, that you didn’t meditate enough, that you didn’t eat organic enough. In relationships, we feel like we aren’t pretty enough, or doing enough or have enough money or enough love or trust. 

So it is NO WONDER these astral parasites …. Spiritual abusers go on to say YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH. You’re ugly, fat, skinny, stupid, crazy, no body likes you, you have no friends, kill yourself, no money, you are not good at what you do, you don’t know what you are doing, you need our guidance, unlovable, unworthy, you’re an addict, you will never understand, you don’t have knowledge. 

You will never be enough, when you are! 

I am a complete being. I have my own “dark” and own “light”. I grow as needed. Forced “darkness” or this bullshit “dark nigbt of the soul”, is abused pushed by astral parasites. Saying it’s because you did this or that, that YOU weren’t enough is excusing this program and act of spiritual violence. Finding peace and “learning from” the abuse is the gift we give ourselves to cope and to heal. We weave stories of some past life karma, a curse, blame ourselves. “This happened to me because…………….” 

Outside of that we are excusing unseen and intangible abuse. By subscribing to this idea that pain is our greatest teacher, is superficial and more than likely you never been in a full blown psychic attack.
You are saying our current system, all system are fine as is and should operate and function with no change.

This whole you “change your reality” is bullshit. You know how hard I’ve fought?!? All this law of attraction, most people want car, money love. I want the change, justice, peace, safety for all people! 

NOTE: The demon suggested pain and my smoking cigs (cause you devils advocate). Now do I know smoking is bad? Yes. Do I wish to change that? YES. Do I think I should be raped everyday by some demon for going on two years? NO.
Whatever. But I’m the crazy one.

Fuck this demon! 


Crazy Talk: Jelly Monster πŸ‘»πŸ’”

So I can see the effects of the demon, I can feel them, hear them, but I can’t see the actual demon that’s conducting it. 

I believe that many healer are able to remove the effects but not the actual entity. Maybe some can. But none of the ones I went to. 

So, I see this jelly monster (looks like a clear slimmer) that moves around me. I state previously in my blog that, I don’t think this is the entity but the “energy” it sends kinda like and extension of sorts it copies. Its not easy to see but I see it. I think its the same “energy” that screams repeatedly, mimics other peoples voices and music, repeats what I say, the gives me tremors and that can copy cat emotions like anxienty or headache, intense tension, feeling ill, being high. Prolly other things too like images/vision. Almost like AI intelligence toy, but its not the main and I feel like its being controlled. 

Today I was wondering HOW did the entity pull off things like knowing when my ex (false/ twin flame) was going to call, or what song he was going to send me, when the cat took my chair and I wasn’t in the room. And a few other “prediction” or plain old’ nosiness. 

Either way. My assumption is that this jelly monster was being nosey with my ex or attached to my ex. Something maybe like that. And that’s how it copied his voice and knew info. Some people call it “attachment cords” this one looks like a clear jelly vibrating blob thing that moves around at medium speed in and out of vision some times sparkles if its close by like on my head. But then I’m like how the fuck did the jelly monster get to the edge of Brooklyn? Like it legit floated 20 miles?

πŸ’©πŸ‡πŸŠπŸš†πŸš„πŸš…β“‚πŸšˆπŸš•πŸš˜πŸšœπŸš βœˆβ›΅πŸš€πŸšβ‰

I hope my ex wasn’t harmed in any way. In the beginning I did so many “cord cutting meditations” because I just wanted whatever this was gone. I blamed my ex, i did. But I kept away from him so this demon wouldn’t make another game out of it. I’m pretty sure he is OK and doing fine. But if he went through a fraction what I went/ going through….. I am so sorry, even though none of this was my fault. I never sent ANYTHING to him in any way. Only trying to get through my own heart ache to move on.

Either way. That’s my theory of the jelly monster I have been seeing floating around the house or stuck in the bathroom. 

Crazy shit right? πŸ™

God……….  Why did I have to get the crazy one? 

I feel like I need a blunt and I don’t even like smoking. 🌴

Talking Anonymous πŸ’‹

I have a problem y’all. 

I can’t stop talking to this demon. I’ve mentally cussed this demon out going on two years in January. It was the only way to protect myself. 

I’ve befriended and betrayed in the same day over and over and over.

Always having a come back, always smacking down the lies got me this far, which is alive and not utterly delusional. I was able to defend myself from falling into yet another rabbit hole when the other rabbit hole finally made no sense.

But I can’t stop, before it would “mind control” and “suggest thoughts” (the next thing to say) through flashes images or “subconscious”. It still does. Maybe not as much as it use to. But it did. But I still can’t seem to stop talking to it…   Or responding.

I’ve gone a couple of days to with out but end up breaking my silence emotionally. 

Now when I talk to an actual human, I’m like jibber jabbering them to death just happy not to be telepathically communicating some psycho demon.

I can meditate, I can be quiet. But I still can’t seem to stop defending myself and talking to this demon. 

And the meds.. .. My friend said I shouldn’t take meds…. But I want it to stop. But there are so many mixed reviews on meds and time span they took to work. Meds seem like the only way to stop communications for now but I don’t want to stay on them. But then I don’t want to be opening Pandoras box if I stop taking them as well. 

You Are Welcome πŸ™

I was practicing a Chi breathing technique on YouTube that a friend sent to me.

I noticed some blocks and add ons but whatever I always notice.

Either way, it talked about creating chi and then bringing it back into the body.

I rememered a moment when this all first started happening and my chest extending out past my shoulders felt like I was opened up. That’s when I first started to feel like I was dying.

I didn’t feel much in my center now, just this tender heart. I figured the entity took all my chi, that’s why all I can do right now is sleep, eat cookies and cry about the world.

The guy talking in the video said that we are “the most powerful free energy devices on the planet”.

So I immediately told the Entity, “you are welcome….” And I meant it. I wasn’t being sarcastic as usual. It was a gift.

I figured that I gave (well it took) my energy to this Entity. I just don’t know how to reve my chi back up yet……

…… Wonder if instead of scaring the shit out of me, disrespecting me, violating, if other entity beings whatever where to be upfront? Maybe we could live peacefully. 

Entity would be like, “Yo I really need this chi, I will make it quick.”

They won’t and… Maybe can’t tell me who or what they are. Maybe I’m too peace loving and just feel like if we just put the truth out there it would easier for all of us and work something out. 

Who knows, maybe I would be like “sure homie, you can have some of this chi love!” And i would just go wipe some more up later.

I can give with out receiving. But I don’t know I just need a bit of honesty.

Who knows maybe chi doesn’t even exists. Maybe I am pulling this out of my ass. Maybe they don’t need all this brain electric goodness or this golden chi.

All I know is, there has to be a better way.


Crazy Talks: What I See πŸ‘€

Just jotting down some notes.

I don’t see this on anyone else but myself.

There are two very distinct things I see other than the visions. I see the these circle dots that can divide into multipuls. And I see this vibrating heat wave looking thing that moves in and out of me. Think like a clear slimmer from ghost busters. 

So I was commenting on a post to a lady that says she can remove implants and the slimmer thing shot out of my stomach and my stomach/ back area vibrated trembled and I could see it moving around outside of me. 

Noe occasionally I during the day will get headaches or I will feel the pressure on my head and I will hear almost like a distant train tremble vibration. I think this vibrating clear thing is the pressure I feel on my head, the anxiety, its like its the ….. Emotion and sensation maker. I don’t know if it is a separate entity or controlled. My guess it is controlled. 

Now the circle dot thing seems to be the visions/ dreams/ hallucinations/ Logo maker. But I’m not sure to what extent it morphs and uses light. If I pinch the corners of my eyes I see a circle of light in each corner. Not sure if this is bad or good. But I’m sure it plays its part. I have literally seen visions (waking dreams) fade away into almost a logo (a simple none color emoji vision), I have also seems dreams fade as well. 

So I see this dot thing that was never there before as the cause of the visions. And this energy slimmer thing as the cause of the sensations I feel. 
After it jumped out of my stomach it went for GUESS WHERE you guys??!?? My VAGINA! Of course! My vagina! I felt it go there after it shot out.

I’m really over this Scooby doo mystery. Seriously. 

Schizo + Disassociative Identity 😱 (+spirituality)

So I quickly read through this article on Disassociative Identity Disorder by buzzfeed. 

As I was reading through it I had this notion while I was trying to fully understand if the “personalities” are acted out or if they are observed. I know of a lot of people who also have “black outs” or periods of time they don’t remember.

Prior to “becoming officially schizo”, there was a period in time where I started to not feel “like myself”. I even told my ex twin flame. I didn’t know if it was because I never dated men prior. 

I just felt Angry, really really angry, mistrusting, paranoid, obessesive, lustful.

I could not accept this change in personality. I tried every method to reconcile these feelings with in myself. Lol spells that didn’t work. I couldn’t talk to my twin flame openingly so it only made things worse.

In short I feel like prior to schizo, my “personality” change could have been a disassociative identity and the more I resisted the worse it got, until I cried and cried and cried and cried, and boom full on 24/7 none stop schizophrenic.

On the spiritual aspect to this was that it almost feels like a spiritual possession of sorts was happening slowly or I was unaware, and I restisted so much. I kept questioning always “why don’t I feel like me”, and those “spirits” demon alien whatevers had been stalking me for a while. So when I resisted so hard, looking for answers reading, shamans. And finally…. There it was….. Even through the schizo I resisted resisted and here right now to tell you, cause if I didn’t I would be dead. 

Its like because I wouldn’t fall for full possession (disassociative identity) it aimed for schizo (demon haunting), and went to the worse thing in the fucking world as torture (sexual violence, molestation) as a mode to get me dead or locked up or just plain old looking crazy, something not good.

Idk that’s what came to mind from my side of the story. I have no idea why these things are here or choose to torture me. 


ACHOO πŸ‘½ (pt.🌳)

So the Demonic Alien Entities whatever are mad that I keep calling them stupid. I do not measure intelligence by book smarts. No.

But rather how you treat people, yourself, the planet. I actually don’t know if I have ever looked at someone and truly thought they were stupid. Maybe 45 and this entity. I might have used another adjective, but rarely stupid.

The fact that this Entity is belligerent and blind sighted by lust for control and power to no end is psychotic. And there to me is a example for lack of intelligence. 

Yes it may have lurked around my life studying what makes me tick, but if this was the ultimate goal or even the means, all I can do at this point is sit back and pity them.

All this haunted house, ghosts of the past, Dom humiliating freak show is old and tired and pointless. And the fact that they keep hitting the same note over and over actually shows a lack of intelligence. I’m just sitting here side eye.

Fuck this bullshit idea of awakening, fuck the dark night of the soul, fuck all this cosmic spiritual bullshit. Shit is dumb. 

What spend a year of my life curled up in my bed crying cause I keep seeing visions of child abuse? It’s stupid. There is no lesson, no take away, nothing …… Its just dumb shit on replay for no reason.

People keep telling me “you’ll get there.” WHERE? GET WHERE? The end of the schizophrenic rainbow? I’m not falling for this shit…. Better days…. I care about now. 

This shit needs to end now! I don’t want a pet psychic entity dot that shits on people and tourtures me for fun. Like we ain’t ever going to be homies and it is MY TEACHER, MY LOVER OR MY GOD.

This shit needs to go back to where ever the fuck it came from. 

The Lie (awakening) πŸ™ˆπŸ™‰πŸ™Š

If you are lucky enough to fully believe and stick to a path such as this concept of awakening , ascension, even psychology and it works GREAT!

I have seen many videos in the beginning on awakening where people say part of “awakening” is having “subconscious material” come up for “healing”.

Subconscious “material” is many things feelings, what we have seen, heard ect. Events in our life, usually painful ones. Never the good ones really. They call this “the dark night of the soul”.

But subconscious material can also be manipulated and I HOPE TO GOD you know yourself well enough not to be tricked………. Like I was.

See we intake information maybe prior to drawing a conclusion or judgment. I look at my cat, white with some spots, perched on the table meowing at me. This quick second of observation I maybe thought of how cute he looks and then wonder if he is hungry. Maybe I go over to him and pet him. With the Entities, a judgment (probably the worst one you can think of) is inserted before you even had the pleasure allowing your thoughts to unfold. Let’s just say the Entity “suggests” push him off the table”. This can happen by a knowing (no words), saying (actually explained) or in a vision of you engaging in the scenario prior to doing it. I choose to give the cat a cute head kiss. 😊

Its like playing a beautiful song on the piano and someone comes in and keeps hitting that last low note DUN DUN DUN over and over again into oblivion.

If you know yourself well enough you know this is not you. You know the “song” your soul sings and yes you could accept when you may have hit the wrong note (a metaphor for negative thinking, mistakes) ….. But this is way beyond hitting the wrong note. This is intentional.

The intentionality of the experience is the only thing that keeps me from accepting it as purely “my brain” is schizo. The intentionality of hitting on the same at 3 topics (notes) over and over again while trying to find ways to take over the song or stop it all together…… control ….. makes it difficult to feel like this is simply my brain.

My “brain” has a roll in this, just as my body, and anything I observe, as do my “mind”. But who or what is facilitating this joke of an experience, that has probably taken lives, I have no idea.

I can’t trust what I see. That being the visions are pointless, they aren’t real, shit even my memories are skewed. So these visions are only used to scare me. Then there is the “seeing energy”, I cant say they are real either, but I see them. The sensations/emotions are mimicked but that’s like saying coke cola is the same as champagne. Decaf to expresso. They aren’t the same.

So Guru’s are out here telling people its YOUR  subconscious material….. Because…….. What? Too scary to know you got some gross entity thing playing the shit out of you? I mean makes sense, could make you go mad, or even more mad.

Jung’s shadow work I would assumes is used to assist you in being sure of where you stand with things in our lives. So that if a day like this ever comes you will not be easily suade or duped.

Its the intentional interpretation (or misinterpretation) OF the subconscious material and sensory intake that got me wondering.


Disclaimer: I am in no way telling people to abuse drugs. Read at your own discretion. 


“Diphenhydramine is an antihistamine used to relieve symptoms of allergy, hay fever, and the common cold. These symptoms include rash, itching, watery eyes, itchy eyes/nose/throat, cough, runny nose, and sneezing. It is also used to prevent and treat nausea, vomiting and dizziness caused by motion sickness.

So for about two months I have been using a cocktail of 4 ZzzQuil (to go to sleep) and 4 benadryl (to stay asleep). Only as needed for the rough days. I have used the benadryl in the past and it has helped with going to sleep. It works. But there is something about the ZzzQuil that makes this Entity flip. Like it gets stupid and I’m just sitting there watching/listening able to function as normal. 

Most days I would eventually fall asleep, but last night the Entity kept me more in… Almost like a “black out”, I was consciously aware of the Entity speaking or tactics to keep me in that odd place between conscious and dreams. So I just popped up kinda upset went to the bathroom and then gave sleeping another go. 

I’m not interested in the dream state, I’m interested in the last few cycles of deep sleep. I slept aight, BUT there was a huge difference in both the volume as well as the effects OF the Entity as I had noticed before.

I guess that’s maybe why anti-psychotics make you sleepy (if they work at all).

Who knew Demonic Alien Entity voices were like a common cold?!

Funny enough when the Entity first started playing with me it kept saying “Achoo” to the point I didn’t even want to say “bless you” to anyone. I guess they love irony. And I’m definitely allergic to bullshit that’s a definite. 

I have not been fully liberated from this Entity as of yet. I am baffled that deep sleep and common cold medicine would help in alieviating the intensity. That along with meditation (awareness of the body), stretching out any “energies” in the body,  and not falling for any of the bullshit (mental and emotional pains).

The Entity can still “suggest” thoughts, images, zap, replay loops grabbing for straws as a way to look for something to exploit. But I don’t feel like there is a rod stabbing through my brain and the volume is way lower. Still a lot of head pressure but enough to notice the difference.

I will always fight, even though I make look, sound, feel depressed because of the cosmic trash I will always fight.

If someone does end up trying. Please use discretion according to your body and current health conditions. Also let me know if there any changes for you.

I’m looking to detox soon. I was wondering if I have to be lazy and unhealthy to rid myself of this thing. I’m almost afraid to loose weight again, the Entity has always attacked when I was at this strange cross roads of transitioning (loosing weight, job loose, end of relationship, moving etc). 

But I know better now and hopefully before the winter I can start detoxing my organs and being more acting once this pointless pressure is off my head.

Woke and slept on.

b o r e d πŸ˜©

I’m bored and tired at the same time. 

Be honest I’m so tired of my attention being drawn to my vagina because its being buzz, zapped, burned, whatever or sometimes its just attention is drawn there by the Entity. 

Even if I’m just playing an app game, I’m trying to keep my mind off of things and then the Entity will flash an image of my ex and basically molest me to make it seem like I’m turned on by him or something. 

I’m just tired, and disgusted and bored.

Shit is so old. I busted out in tears right now cause I’m tired of this nasty feeling….. And I’m sexually liberal! Its gross its violating. I know my feelings and this ain’t it. 

I’m so tired of crying…. I just wish I had comfort, someone who cared, wasn’t schedule sex….. That I could trust wouldn’t trigger the fuck out of me for fun. Take my mind off of this, do something fun together.

I’m tired of these asshole demons molesting me and then turning around and having the audacity to call me a fucking child molester. Like fuck this shit.