I have been seeing more black sparkles or swirls around me / house lately.
I have not seen the colorful ones like I use to.
Occasionally I will see a white mist.
This is different (or the same) as the black energy blobs.
Just making a note.
I feel weird and always have felt weird asking God for something specific.
I’ve been homeless and i wasnt sure if i was gonna get that job or if i should move cross the country and honestly i just gave it to God and trusted the process. I never really asked for anything specific.
Now i am begging for salvation from these demons. Years now. And they are still here doing what they do best.
But at the same time i feel weird asking for anything. Like that shouldnt be the foundation of getting closer to God (to me). Even though i know its been said God likes when we need him.
But idk i just feel strange. I want to move more into worship than begging for salvation. I try to simply say “thank you God” everyday. To move into thanks rather than this negative begging for something. Cause the demons will taunt me and say it’s not good enough.
Im trying to stay as authentic to myself as i can. And in my own way of praising God.
I know in certain sects say you got to do this or that for salvation and grace. But i hope God sees where i am coming from.
Everytime i get tooo Christian-y i start struggling with my faith more. It get over complicated.
Basically some one commented in my blog (a Christian i pressume) and said there are laws and if i dont follow them i basically deserve what i got.
Which is being shown child porn in my minds eye and raped/molested by demons on the hourly.
Don’t get me wrong im a sinner. But thaaaaat seems a bit extreme tbh. On top of not being able to work because of this, all possessions lost, health deteriorated, extreme physical pain, inability to hold a healthy inimate relationship and being BEYOND confused.
There is a this part in the bible where God allowed the holy spirit to leave Saul and enter David and the Saul was tormented by demons. But never said exactly why.. My pastor said it was because he got too big for his britches.
Im trying my best to stay humble. And not upset. I really am.
Trying to grow in Christ and learn….. And messing up and then being left to be raped by these alien demons? Like i couldn’t be just told…. Like hey you messin up in this area.
These demons sure talk all day…. So is it that impossible to talk to me instead of letting me get raped? After already being raped in the physical….. I spend 3.5 years being raped “energentically”.
Im like actually over my vagina at this point. Im so tired of thinking about and feeling it being tortured 24/7.
Im angry. Im being honest. I am hurt.
Like bad people get away with all day everyday. And like im not even bad….. Like i tried to serve humanity and do my best or better each time…. I just fuck up sometimes and i gotta get raped by demons like its a really bad joke.
I dont know what to do with this anger. This feeling of unfairness. Of abandonment.
I feel bad that i feel this way. It brings tears to my eyes that i push them away. Ive cried so much im tired of crying. I want to be simply in love with God. And now things got really complicated.
Sometimes if its super painful migraine i start to see trailers of the things i look at. Like an inverted trailer lingering around in my vision.
My brain feels like its on fire. I even have a slight fever. And none of my scans showed anything concerning.
Idk what to do. My migraine medication worked on and off. Im just tired of the pain i know is caused by the demons.
Ok so an easy way to see the alien demon technology is in a 80% dark room at night. Usually in their active hours betwen say 1am to 5am.
So if you have black out curtains or can make it dark in your room with a little bit of cracked light coming through. Youvmay be able to see them move around. Just sit up calmly in thevroom and look around the room. Look above your head as well.
Most of the time im not even looking for them. And i will see one shoot a sparkle at me and i will look in that direction and they will start moving or getting closer to my face.
They look like black energy hair balls. That is the best way i can describe it. I mean you might occasionally get a shadow figure. But mostly i see 3 or more black energy hair balls.
Focus your eyes at different points. Close to you further from you. The walls corners. And again above your head and to the sides.
And just breathe and pay attention to what happens. Notice the movement and where. A good 30 mins should be enough to see whats going on for you. If you do this exercise please let me know how it worked out for you.
Also if they get in your face there is nothing to worry about. Remain calm. They are always in your face at some point or another. They cant hurt you much more than they already have. Be fearless. Curious.
NOTE: If you are not targeted or hear voices i would not recommend doing this as i dont want to open you up to anything. This is for people that suffer to explore their situation.
God gave us “free will” …… But i wouldn’t call it free will. I would call it choice.
Free will i believes means we have more than 2 options. Duality. Good or bad. Black or white. If we had true “free will” we could choose could pick the color green. And not just black or white. Hey maybe even the whole crayola box. Free will i feel like also involves truth in all aspects. Otherwise if you are basing your descisions on lies that is not free will nor a valid choice.
The thing is God gave a choice to love him and appreciate him and serve him. Its a pretty simple choice.
It’s “Satan” that comes in and says ….. You have free will. Do whatever you want. Eat that apple. One of the Satanist Temples tag lines is “it’s better to reign in hell, than to serve in heaven”.
Rest assure they will not be reinging in hell.
Giving the illusion of free will. But most dont understand that we become slaves to that “choice”. That free will we think we have. Those needy demons attach to us in constant want of that choice. Slowly creating a hell on earth for us. And we become bonded in chains to that choice and need. Exhalting it before God.
I can attest. Dating SUCKED for me. All I wanted was love and to eventually marry someone i love and loves me back. And so many times i got trapped in situations where i didnt know how to say no. And i didnt want to be disliked. (And the one time i did say no i got raped). And my search for love in a new world quickly became only sexual. And i would go on the next date thinking it would be different. That we would go on a date and talk all night. And it wasnt…. And again and again until i had to stop it. Even recently i was dating someone. I thought introducing them to my family this time thinking it would make them treat me with more respect. And every other day he talked about how he wanted to come home to me and have babies that looked like me but then GHOST. Like out of no where and for no reason i know of.
So my intentions were pure. Love. But love was quickly exchanged for lust because i did not allow God to direct my love life. So I became an addict looking for love only getting that cheap hit of lust. Temporary feels.
And the demons LOVED playing games. They even were so bold to involved themselves while i was having sex. Saying “yea yea yea i like that”. 😐
More recently i lowered my standards and just wanted a caring sexual relationship (after two years of celibacy) because i was tired of my only sexual experience was being raped by demons. But again he Ghosted.
So I give my love life over to God. I’m done with being played and im done with being in sexual spiritual bondage.
Right now i am open to most outlooks on this experience.
While i have assumptions. I can’t be sure of anything.
I mean i can keep my faith in God and still this may be the works of aliens or the government using techology. And while God conquers all things….. Prayer may not be enough for my individual situation. Maybe the long game plan is to expose whats happening.
There is this slight guilt in the mix for not just sticking to the bible. But that could easily be the demons manipulation to keep us from doing anything about it. They use our faith against us….. To manipulate us.
And while these forces are demonic…. Assuming its just AI technology may lead us astray from our relationship with God.
I havent got the words to explain what im trying to say. I try to keep an ear everywhere to make some sense of this while keeping my faith in God.
And strengthening it too.
I mean the beings had waaay too much fun with the demonic stuff. But they kinda look like badly drawn aliens. But they move like watery creatures. But emits EMF radiation (assuming thats technology). So wtf is it?
Meh im tired.
I miss having my own room.
I had dusty pink walls. A chandelier made out of delicate shells …. A white french dresser. My bed was a pallet of colors… Greys pinks creams. I miss my chunky knit throw blanket i scored at a thrift shop. Playing spotify of chilled music. My art on the walls. Brooklyn sun setting in my room.
I just miss having my own space mentally and physically.
I have a bed in the enclave of my parents apartment. The buildings block out the sun. I am grateful to be able to be here. Im sure with the demonic alien schiz experience in a shelter would have SUCKED BIG TIME. But i am grateful to be in a loving environment while i figure this out. Im glad i worked on a lot of my issues withmy family long ago.
But i miss being in my mix….. Juices…. Mental flow. Just being my carefree self and not this victim of abuse….. Constantly thinking about their thoughts or triggers.
Sometimes if the sky is right….. Beautiful i will be transported to my secret place for a moment. To a time when things were simpler….. And pretty.
Well layed out …. I resonated with pretty much everything in this post except saying Tesla is Satan. But hey i got my own theories too. Worth the read.
I just have a difficult time believing its human. Alien AI or Demon is my main theory. But that would be the biggest gag is if it is the government/corporation. They have been known to unethically test on its citizens before so its not far fetched. But its just they way the “AI” acts that makes it seem impossible. It feels more male based (not feminine energy even when they tried hard). Also the hallucinations/holograms are really badly drawn. Like they look like a kid could have dawn them. And a few times i have seen their eyes drift off in space. So. Idk. If it was government made i feel like maybe they would make it look better. The only time the holograms look like something is when they glow into an illusion/vision in the mind and look like more human. But thats in the mind. Not outside.
Maybe thats why they are obsessed with us they get to play human. Either in the body or in the mind. My dreams are pretty mundane and bori g or scary with sleep paralysis or rape.
Still digging. Calmly.