Racist piece of shit 💩

Another aspect of the demonic Entity is racism. So much to the thought that I wondered if all racist are actually demonically possessed. The way most act it’s definitely on the table and debatable.

This Entity has called my mom the “N* word” never in my fucking life would I think to call my mom that. Not nigga….. the N* word!!!

It would also make racist joke or make fun of disabled people calling my sister retarded. These things have never been in my nature, and I would like to keep it that way.

The demonic Entity would call me white as a mixed race person. Again another aspect that I never really had in MY mind. So….. that’s why is so fucking difficult to say this is just my brain rewiring.

Also the women the Entity would point out as beautiful or the images that the Entity would use to scare me are mostly white people (until I pointed it out). I live in NYC and my life has been mostly people of color. So that is another aspect.

So on top of being a rapist it’s a racist piece of shit.

The Entity said I “will have to pay” for writing this but it doesn’t need much as an excuse to abuse and torture.


Invisible Abuse (Spiritual)

How do you talk about invisible abuse? Much like all abusers they silence you, keep up a facade and make you look crazy or weak.

While I was working with homeowners during era of abusive mortgage lending practices. We didn’t have a name for it but they all knew their pain, all had the same symptoms. They all had a look on their face, seeing 20, 30, 50+ years of homeownership washed away. We couldn’t name the abusers because everyone’s hand was in the pot. And they had flipped the loan so many times often they were paying the wrong services. This abuse was silent for years, if not a decade. It took hours of storytelling and unraveling tears and trying to make sense do just the tiniest bit of change to come about.

It’s not fair that I can not take my abuser to court. I can not find my own justice because I can not touch an Entity…..a demon. I get labeled as crazy and schizo and given meds that make high and feel like death. Because what I experience “isn’t real”. I’m suppose to take accountability for “allowing the demon in my life”, because I didn’t do enough salt baths, I didn’t eat properly, I didn’t put a bubble of white light around me, I didn’t pray enough, wasn’t Christian enough. And that’s the excuse for abuse…… for spiritual abuse……

Then I go to someone…….a healer in hopes they can name my pain. That someone actually believes me…..relieve me. And often I was met with prices that superseded any church, or anything I’ve ever spent money on. And was told to take my meds and I wasn’t doing “something enough”.

I’m still getting tortured still getting raped. Still being fucked with. Not because I haven’t taken enough salt baths, not because I didn’t try the meds, not because I didn’t gain my “authority” and tell this demon to leave, not because I didn’t pray enough or trust enough….. but because this has yet to be truly named.

I have yet to identify my abuser. Just Mr. Entity that can sound like a guy or girl and look like anything. I have yet to say what this truly is because each sect approaches it differently.

I can see, but I can not see how this all happens. And why me? Or anyone else for that matter.

“Take everything as a lesson!?!?!” Really that’s what you tell someone reliving rape over and over and over again? A lesson? Where’s the lesson for the rapist? Why must the victim always show compassion be the bigger person?

This is spiritual abuse!!!!!!

It wasn’t my fault I got raped! Why do I have to fucking relive it!?

I know how my mind function! This is not me! Saying “that’s your mind” is an excuse and a cop out to uncover some really scary shit! And I live it every fucking day! While trying to keep my shit together!

I just try to ignore the rape now, that’s how common it is. But I can’t.

I’m just tired.

Paranormal Trends

So like………………………..

what’s good?

I spoke about this before in my blog, but many of my guy friends who experience “hearing voices” or demonic experiences believe it is Targeted Individual Mk Ultra stuff covered up by the government.

Like before that it was aliens.

Before that was ghosts.

For that was spirits and demons and angels.

So like what’s really good?

It’s can’t be this many people. And like no one in the whole wide world knows what the heck is going on. When I thought us was some conspiracy the voices rolled with it. When I thought it was demons they rolled with it…… reluctant to roll with the reptilian thing but whatever they fit the profile. Whatever it is they have found a way to stop this shit?!

You know much this shit hurts!? Physically mentally and emotionally!?! Like damn. Like seriously I have felt like my brain was going through a grater. I have been electrocuted. Like damn.

Shit all I wanted to do was be boo’ed up eats some organic fruits and veggies and like live honestly. Shit.

And now I’m out here in the astral plane playing dungeons and fucking dragons and shit. Waste of my life.

They did not tell you this shit in the Bible. They said shit happens AFTER you die. Not while you are living.

So freaking lame.

Being Schiz is bad for the Economy

Being schizophrenic is totally not good for the economy unless you are Medicaid and taking their $350 a month drugs that don’t work.

Otherwise if I wasn’t demonically possessed schizophrenic I would TOTALLY be working paying these worthless student loans and traveling and buying shit, I’m way over due for a new pair of leggings. But oh fucking well.


Guess I will just lay in this bed battling demons all day as they fill my body with their dense Co2 hoping that they go away.

Hell Matrix

First off fuck Winston Churchill for being a racist.

But I remember this quote popped up on my Facebook feed years ago. Encouraging me to wade through the struggles of capitalism and interpersonal relationships.

But little did I know it could be SO FUCKING REAL. Like shit …… I didn’t mean that shit literally.

Now I see demons and reptilians and shit all day. Hearing some voice that won’t shut up and desperately wants to be human but comes off as psychotic. It’s a lame existence.

Either way do you have a choice?

Reptilians Sleeper Triggers

“I have found that the DARK, their minions (Reptilian hybrids) and “Unawakened”/“Sleepers” tend to be triggered if one mentions:

– The 144,000

– The Chosen ones

– Twin Flames

– Highly evolved spiritual beings

Their 3D mind misinterprets. They think we are being narcissistic- when nothing could be further from the case. (Empaths are complete opposites from Narcissists). There may be “jealousy” or “resentment” felt, but they do not understand – there is NO “superiority”… There are however those with more experience. Those that already graduated. We are the souls that VOLUNTEERED to assist Mother Earth and humanity at this unprecedented time of Ascention. We heard the clarion call and we answered. We hold the highest vibration of LOVE and we wish to assist planets and their inhabitants to move into LOVE SPACE (The 5th dimension and beyond) with our FREQUENCY. We are experts at being “system busters”. 👍

They don’t realize that we have had the hardest lives of all. 😞 We did so willingly in order to be of service. ❤️

They have and will continue to attack us. They fear what they don’t understand. Lightworkers, stay strong and stand in your power -no matter what they throw at us. We are SO close…It will all be worth it.

😇🙏❤️” – Michelle Krebs Lagerquist


I mean things didn’t “calm down” until I actually hated myself. Like I hate being attacked everyday for two years and forced to see child abuse if I don’t do what they want.


Told to “Go home!”.

I never thought of myself as special. Just someone who struggles like the next and wants to make it a little easier for you than it was for me.

I have no super power other than my undying love for humanity. My faith in God and that some day we will be free.

Other than that, I’m just an average snowflake activist, who can’t bare to see the world go on like this. But positioned to t compromise my beliefs by working against a system while my tax dollars fund many things I do not agree with.

I’m ok with being average or basic.

Two feet firmly planted on the ground. As both average and majestic as a tree. As needed.

But this woman’s post is true soon as twin flame came into the picture this reptilians demon thing lost its ever loving collective psychotic mind. Still does. Still wants to act like him some days too. Even was trying to get me to be “attracted” to reptilians or it particularly. It gets real twisted in these parts.

I can’t believe this is my life.

Voices Snapshot

I noticed my mom seemed kind of bummed out. She’s not the kind of person to tell her emotions so I figured just do something.

My first thought was to maybe tell my dad to do something nice for my mom via text. But then I realized I didn’t have my wifi number anymore. So then I thought I would get her some flowers, even though flowers seem lame maybe they will cheer her up. The voices quickly pounce on me.

Voice 1: I’m tired of this pedophile incest bitch……

Voice 2: what’s wrong with getting flowers for her mother? (This “voice of reason” recently emerged when I stopped fighting with them both. Really I don’t trust it and it’s no different than the other)

Voice 1: (screaming) Die bitch. Your mothers going to die.

Me: I can’t believe I actually have to listen to this shit.

So because I wanted to do something positive and nice I had to hear about how my mom was going to die for little bit after all of that.

I later proceed to go out and buy my mom flowers with my last $10, just to cheer her up a bit. She does so much not sure if she wasn’t feeling appreciated.

On Energy Vamps

“The Vamps replicate positive attributes from the light of their victims, copycatting and broadcasting a false image of awareness while simultaneously draining them privately. In order to do this, they have to replicate and mirror back to the Gnostic that they are like you, that they are on the same spiritual path as you except that they are not. They are copying and projecting the infinity mirror within the enlightened being in order to trap and feed.” – Joshua Anderson


There are so many ways to look at this situation. And almost all fit. But none have remedied the situation thus yet.

So one could pick any way of speaking about this pain. Mine just happens to speak back and doesn’t shit the fuck up. Many paths are available. I can’t say which is wrong or right. I would assume the one of least harm.

Trying to keep my calm and 0 point clear thought (me) and a forgiving self at least not blaming anyone in my life for this cause I can’t prove that and I don’t know for sure and it doesn’t matter now. All that matters is healing.

Art and Beauty

I need to like go to a gallery and see like beautiful art. Or maybe an installation, that’s more about being. Than seeing.

I just want to be somewhere beautiful and see beautiful thing that aren’t associated with these demons, and trolls and reptilian and aliens and every vile think you can think of.

I was able to weave this into my life before. I mean the are special moments of beauty. But…. it’s just my world ain’t it.

And anytime I try it’s quickly interrupted or argued over.

One times I was listening to music and I almost found my mind drifting off to make a beautiful music video like I use to but then I got scared that the demons were going to try to scare me with child porn again so I decided not to and just listened in anxiety of wanting to but not being able to.

They now fully use my imagination as an expression of themselves. So a wave of the hand in the imagination, or a vision, a dream, or hallucination. I no longer have control of these things like I use to.

And the way they gain control is by stopping me from using it because they kept showing me child porn.

So I thought if I tread carefully that those kinds of things wouldn’t happen. But it doesn’t matter. They do what they do. Their is no way to unsee it. Or any of the trauma of this experience.

But I long for real beauty to be in my life again. Freedom.

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