The Ex Factor (Twin Flame)

So while I know for a FACT, that this delusion has nothing to my ex who I thought was my Twin Flame.

I mostly came to the concept of “twin flame”, through first looking up if I was hypnotized secretly, then stumbled upon the whole idea of narcissist and empathy relationship. I didn’t feel like myself in the relationship…  I felt a rage I never felt before. I didn’t feel pretty to him, these were micro ways. Like calling women on TV hot but never me. At times I only felt like a fill in for sex until he found someone else. 

There were many other micro reasons. But for the most part I had come out of a long loving relationship prior, and so when I was met with these emotional hurdles I became enraged because I thought they were tests or mind games. Why would you have sex with someone you didn’t find attractive?

I have mentioned this before in my blog, but “the voice” entity pretended to be my ex twin flame. And later acted as telepathy, quietly saying “I love you” and when I approuch my ex about this he had no idea of what in was talking about. From there it was a spiral, at first I rejected “my feeling” but soon accepted that maybe this was a love I didn’t understand. And from there it got worse.

Once I realized that no I was not Isis and no my ex was not going by the name Osiris to work on telepathy between us, the Entity acted as an angel said “what do you want?” I said nothing as it guided me prior to say. It asked me all day, house, car, money…..  So I finally said a big house just so it would leave me alone, and it said “who would want a house in this economy? what about ….. (Your ex’s name)” . so then I said fine whatever to make it stop. And then it turned into a nightmare about my ex making bets on me loosing more weight while he was in a relationship with someone else. (There is more to it but essentially it was fucked up).

Currently, I know for a FACT this is not direct telepathy with my ex. My ex has nothing to do with other than being a typical male I dated. I know my ex is not a prize for enduring this bullshit. I am pretty neutral in my feelings for my ex. The only thing is his involvement in “the story” enforced by the entity to make me feel bad. I have no interest in thinking about my ex at this level. 

And yet, the Entity insists on flashing images of him. Or how do I say this…. I guess tries to string me along as if my ex IS in fact a prize and we will get married. But the intesity of belief is not mine and i often find myself taking a deep breath to just get through it. It actually physically hurts when this Entity enforces these feelings for my ex. My head hurts, chest hurts, I’m annoyed. I don’t know to explain it. 

But at the same time the Entity says he is with another woman who is hotter than me and will be with her. Trying to makes it seem like I’m still obsessed with him and I’m not. I’m tired of talking about him. I have no idea what’s happening in his life. I haven’t seen him in almost two years and haven’t spoken to him in over a year, which I normally stay friends with you ex’s and I had to block him because of the entity. I’m constantly tormented about this past relationship to no end for no reason. 

Its annoying. I can’t even date cause this is all making me feel like shit. 

The formal psychological term would be Erotomania in which an individual “believes that another person is in love with him or her. This belief is usually applied to someone with higher status or a famous person, but can also be applied to a complete stranger. Erotomanic delusions often occur in patients with schizophrenia and other psychotic disorders, but can also occur during a manic episode in the context of bipolar I disorder. During an erotomanic delusion, the patient believes that a secret admirer is declaring his or her affection for the patient, often by special glances, signals, telepathy, or messages through the media.”

In my case or in the Twin Flame case, its a bit of the opposite. Yes you believe there is a special connection, BUT you also feel that the person is hiding their true feelings for you and you must endure suffering or you haven’t met them yet. “The runner/chaser”, “narc/empath” relationship dynamic.

So, on behalf of many who have had the misfortune of a “Twin Flame” experience, and to those who make money off of heartbreak, grief and insecurity in the spiritual community. I invite you take a good look at that description. 

What are you selling people?

Twin Flame Activation? Hm?

Its like 80’s soul mates wasn’t enough, we had to take it step further in the delusional realm of psychosis in the millinia. 

I can see both the psychological and spiritual aspects of MANY of these experiences fairly quickly, but not the scientific, not the how or even why. Just what.

I can among, race, religion, mythologies, beliefs, conspiracy theories, class, sex gender, mental health, psychology, environmental, science a WIDE ASPECT, of how we are all a bit delusional (possibly via entities). And then there is THE DEPTH, to what extent do we believes these things? 

Enough to kill, oppress, misguide, profit?

Or was the the ways in which we built simple structures in the world then taken WAY OUT OF HAND, and we are sitting here running in circles trying to find a truth or impose it.

Contradictions 😊. 

All I wanted. 

Seriously all I wanted was to grow some organic veggies, fuck my loving and thoughtful partner, occasional vacations, do some good in the world and cookies.

But NAH, I gotta worry about demons, archon’s, government mind control programs, Armageddon, different layers of reality ON TOP of this reality have a racist president, poisoned food, air and water, a housing crisis, natural disasters and insane predators while everyone is having mental breakdowns just trying to survive this bullshit. 

Damn good sex and some amazing vegan food…… I’m not that difficult to please.

This shit SUCKs! 

Support Group: Voices

I am in a schizophrenic support group and decided to “come out” and tell folks about this whole “you’re a child molestor” thing this voice does in my life. 

It was because my friend who is as a woman said that her voice was saying the same thing (along with bitch, whore and other name calling). She is more adiment about Targeted Individuals. So I decided to post in a schizophrenia group.

To my surprise many, mostly men, were upfront about hearing the same thing. Some even parents and working with children. 

And while I realized this experience isn’t unique I wonder WHY a bunch of people all different backgrounds, hear the exact SAME message.

As I said I am open to both spiritual and scientific, its just mind boggling.

While most of them feel grounded and know they are not. I almost did because the entity put this whole past life spin on it. I would have believed anything to make it stop.

So many are suffering from this aspect of being called a “child molester” and having a high moral around the protection of children.

One young person said when the voice starts doing this they just go to sleep.

Its terrible.

I hope we can find a deeper understanding of what causes this and how to address it properly. Because I was about to take my life. 

Just posting. 

I just started hearing crazy high frequency pitches and pressure head. The pressure is stronger than it has been in maybe a year. I thought I was/am gonna die, I figured the brain can only handle so much before it just deflates. So I wrote “I love you” on my hand in marker in case I die. 

Then I heard “Jacobie (hospital), DUI”. The entity try to convince me that it was jacobie and myers the lawyers. But that’s not what I felt. 
Either way I hope everything is ok. I’m just documenting this here in case anything happens. 

Destruction 💀

The Demon promoted the idea that distruction is some sort of ….. Necessary movement towards…….. Idk. Be honest. 

What would we do, if the would was perfect? 

I don’t need to have the answer.

I know this running around in circles putting out eon long fires ain’t doing much for us. That is for sure.

Is that what we have programmed ourselves to believe? Death….. Is not destruction. So let’s get that out of the way. Things die out…. Racism should have fucking died out a long time ago…. But nope let’s have a fucking revival ….. That is destruction. 

Destruction goes against the nature of death. If natural death of anything was to take its course destruction would not be necessary. 

Just my personal opinion.

So not destruction does not create jobs, or invention. It creates unnatural unnecessary death. 

Targeted Individuals 👀

If targeted individuals are in fact being targeted through EMF and electromagnetic frequencies……. Why don’t we see like an Aurora Borealis around them…. Me.

When I close my eyes I do see some crazy stuff. Or even eyes open. Like the sparkles, flashes of light, floaty light swirls, circles of light, globs of energy looking things, different colors. So there is THAT aspect. 

But if I stood in the middle of the of an Aurora Borealis would my brain get zapped? Or body buzzed or burned?

Lol would it be the cure and cancel it out?

I can’t imagine why an “Entity” would need to “feed off my energy” unless its a metaphor for just being acknowledged. Otherwise the earth has plenty of energy to “feed off” of. 

So ……………… …………….. DF?

U g l y 👾

Each moment is like saying goodbye to myself in hopes that one day the distance between who I currently …. Who I was …. And want to be will merge in a harmony.

I looked back at photos of myself last year. You know back when I use to take a shower. Back when my spirit wasn’t protesting inside of my body in order to figure out what the fuck is going on.

In those moments, past, photos, I remember I felt so ugly. I was ugly cause a man, and ex, “twin flame”, whom this Demon/ Entity hid behind in order to play me out of my life, told me I looked like a man, ugly, fat,…..or would say my ex made a bet on how much weight I could loose before we got back together. Because I wasn’t good enough.

Now, unshowered, unmotivated, tired of fighting, sad in a way, look back and say to myself….. I wasn’t ugly.

But I can’t seem to ever tell the me that’s here now….. That you are not ugly, and who cares you are more than flesh and bones, you are worthy, you are enough. 
I don’t know when I will be enough. 

Inspirational Meme: “A Positive Mind” 👑

This was in a group. Its a meme is see ALOT! It contributes to the attitude that we are not enough. It contributes to the false idea of positivity. It negates the experience of people who are struggling, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. 

This was my response to this meme. 


” I use to think this. As I felt healthy at the time mentally and physically. It was easy to check myself on a simple negative thought. 

It wasn’t until I became schizophrenic last year out of the blue….. That this no longer apply. I wasn’t hearing negative voices because I didn’t eat enough organic veggies (which I did) or because I didn’t keep a “positive mind”.

This, as for many others who suffer from various degrees of what we know as schizophrenia, do not have a choice. As much as we try.

So for those who are lucky enough to take this in its simplest form be grateful. 

And those who struggle everyday, you are strong…… 

And no…. You are not your thoughts. “

T o  D o   L i s t 🌱

In my mind this list goes as followed. 

  • Remove Entity COMPLETELY.
  • Consistent therapy and or maybe meds.
  • Allow self time to heal from the trauma of entity attacks. Meaning not being on gaurd 24/7 or afraid to cry because some how in my mind I just image the entity sipping my tears through a straw to empower itself.
  • Get healthy:
  1. Akaline Plant Based lifestyle
  2. Detoxes for: Gut, liver, kidneys, brain?, heavy metal detox. Dr. Hulda Clarke and Dr. Sebi’s programs (generally a lot of free info on both of these). 
  3. Active lifestyle. Find routine or activity that works for me. Love dance, yoga, gym but cost money, so riding bike or long walks for starters.
  4. Loose the 100lb I gained or more.
  5. Lower blood pressure. Even though I am pretty sure the random sky high blood pressure is cause by the entity stressing out my body. 
  6. Enjoy time with family and loved ones, social activities.
  7. Slowly heal body and mental trauma.

From there I feel I would hope I could regain my strength and confidence in functioning in the world. 

I keep replaying this plan (or the entity does just to mess with me). But I lack energy, motivation to do so. But its there. I thoughtfully learned what works for my body in  the past. I’m just not in the environment or state of mind to actually get it going. In the begining I tried to hold on tightly and sticking to gym routine but money and energy and this experience got in the way.

Also I have SNAP but I live in an expense area of NYC and so juicing is out because it wastes too much and is too expensive. 

So, at some point I have to be my own drill Sargent. Some point. I just don’t know when it will be. I don’t know how much longer I can wait.