Why can I see them?

I often wonder why I can see these Entities and others can’t. I mean my friends can see them in EMF photos I take so I’m not TOTALLY crazy.

But I have not showed anyone super close to me the photos for fear of what they will think of me or that it will open them up to these beings. I honestly don’t want anyone to go through this. But if you are already walking on the weird side of life then cool let’s compare notes.

The first time I noticed them I was on the toilet and the voices were just yakity yacking away and I let out a big sign and I saw a clear circle in front of me ripple through air and tiny sparkles. I then focused my eyes on the space in front of me and noticed the circle in front of me. I breathed on it again ….. ripple in space. It’s almost like seeing heat waves off of the hot concrete. Clear but a bit distorted. That was the first time I saw them and how they are set up all around my house. I mean it’s everywhere almost.

From there I saw the dark energy blobs that are basically just another form of the clear circles. They can be either dark, white or clear. Then I started seeing their eyes and they tried to scary me chasing me around the house but I faced them head on. I smacked on with a bible for being near my sister. But I still didn’t see them completely only know that something is there. It wasn’t until I took EMF photos with the “long exp” camera app on iPhone did I actually see more of what they look like and then things started to make sense. Like how they line only my bedroom with smaller Entities. How they are pretty much all over the house. How they stand near the TV and why I would think their voices were coming off the tv. Still not sure how it fully works but seeing them near the TV makes sense I just assume they are connected to me at the same time.

Then I started to see them glow with their full outline seen by my bare eyes. Often when I would see them directly they will turn away. I’m not sure why. They had sunglasses on at some point. So there is something with me looking directly at them that they don’t like.

So what is it about ME that allows me to see them and no one else. Like I have pretty good vision 20/30 I believe. I’ve also slowed down A LOT (I’m usually a really fast paced person) so just slowing down and actually noticing what is in “empty” space could be another reason. They also choose to show themselves to me when they wanted to scare me. And I think it’s funny now. Uhm …. I mean is my pineal gland like super activated? I was trying to turn this thing off…. eating a regular American diet (which I’m more of a vegetarian), I listen to the kardashians all day because of my sister so that’s mind numbing. I just don’t know how. Is there a chemical in my brain that’s allowing me to see them?

What is it? Again this plateau is really frustrating….. I can feel them but can’t touch them. Her them but can’t figure out which one of the many Entities is the one constantly talking to me. I can see them but barely prove it. I mean unless your on the crazy boat like I am your mind won’t wrap around actually seeing this Entities in photos.

Part of me want to try ayahuasca again the first time all I did was poop a lot…. no experience really happened.

It’s like wanting to shake something off that’s stuck to you…. I hate the way my body feels with them. It feels heavy and in pain (severe migraines), or I feel like waves of creepy crawls on my butt, or on my vagina. It’s just sooo weird. What is happening to me? I got all these beings attached to me like a magnet and I have to carry them around. And I just want my body back.

Soon as I get my money flow this fall, I’m doing every possible detox you can think of! Gut detox,parasite,liver and then kidneys, then the gut again and then maybe a heavy metal detox and try to practice raw vegan one month of every season. Even though I got attacked when I was glowing up on my vegan diet I’m going back ……. and if they attack me like they did before then that will just be another data point for me.

I just wish I had someone I could actually talk about this stuff with to better understand. I feel like I have a super power that’s pointless. It’s like ok cool I can see them but I can’t peel them off of me….. so what’s the point?

Will the truth ever be revealed?

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Seroquel Update

I’m on Seroquel 100mg once a day at night

Where I passed out the first night. It no longer helps me sleep.

I find that I am becoming more …….. complacent with talking back to the voices where before I was making a good effort not to talk back to them.

Complacent that’s how I feel on this drug.

My eyes are shifting and feeing like they are specifically being electrocuted after taking the medication at night.

I smoke and snack (but don’t like meals) more on this drug. My will is taken away and my ability to by satisfied is not there.

Dizzy

My hearing will become tin canny.

Hallucinations are all still there.

Monkey Mind 🙉🙈🙊

“Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil”

I heard about the “monkey mind” here and there in reference to meditation. I think I just assumed it was the normal “thoughts” when you are trying to meditate and your mind loops “make sure to do this or that , hmm I want coffee after this, my back hurts, ect” ….. very rarely I would get a random image.

After being attacked the loops became more subtle the visions more often and it was all with the goal of mind control. One thing the quote above doesn’t mention feeling. Often burns and pinches and buzzing and electrocuted….. feeling raped … either end ….. held down or harnesses or cuffs. Like someone held my hand or kisses me. There where a lot of feelings and then SUGGESTIONS by the Entities as to what those feelings were or what they meant or what they symbolized.

But essentially it was all a lie.

Where I thought there was a ring on finger was probably a astral parasite placed there by an Entity. The harness that forced me to sit up straight and was part of their “domination” fantasy was probably also a bunch of astral parasites wrapped around my body, because the wanted to “teach me how to be a lady”.

So I hear, see, feel, but TRY not to speak evil, although it is spoken to me…… lies. Lie after lie after lie after lie.

The monkey mind is real but I have a house party going on and I don’t know why or how to stop it even if I keep an “empty” mind, they just fill it…… with nonsense….. none stop talking about stuff that makes no sense. Stuff from tv in a different room, mixed with the title of an email from a week ago sealed with their normal sexual perversions. So I’m observing the babbling and occasionally will be like HUH? But will go back to just trying to an “empty mind” or pretending it is or just not engaging the Entities since they are completely insane.

There was a certain amount of monkey mind I agreed to or I thought was normal. The to do lists the getting things done ya know and then when the attacks happened and the house party happened I wasn’t totally aware what was truly MY internal dialogue.

There are spiritual concepts of “expanding consciousness” and I often wonder what is that? What or who or how is “consciousness” being expanded? Is this just another lie? Another trick to agreeing to allowing our bodies to being used until they can’t anymore.

I honestly don’t even see how these Entities can continue…… I can barely move some days. Again if I take a photo I can see ways in which I have been probed with their parasites and toy and tools and whatever else they use to do what they do.

I KNOW I’ve tried my best from many angles and I know I gotta be “patient”. But being stuck in the house because I don’t want these Demonic Entities to use little random children for pedophile shit in my mind is such a GRIM existence and I’m not sure if what I am waiting for will ever arrive. And I hear of so many schizophrenics who are stuck in the house for one reason or another for most of their life.

I once said something to the extent “It’s not how long you wait it’s what you do in the moments you wait.” This was to touch on being patient and intentional. But the things I would normally do in the “moments that I wait” I can’t engage in. I can’t go to the gym or farmers market …. lay out in a park for hours….. just take it easy until that next phase of life happens.

I don’t know how to cope or deal or heal with this one. All I have is faith that the demons are trying so hard to take away or condemn me for when I don’t have the perfect answer.

Big Deep Breaths! 🐨

Frequency noise

So I was noticing it was day time. Family had the TV on and NO high pitch frequency sounds were coming through on my ears.

For a moment once I looked for it it came though and then went away. But it wasn’t there.

So at night when the TVs are FINALLY off I hear high pitch frequency sound and then some times a ringing in the ears that sound super close. Not to mention the voice that is ALWAYS screaming in the background about some 💩.

So what it seems like NO PEACE .

The Entities need a consistent flow of sound to bounce off of. Be that white noise, frequencies, tv, a fan, people outside. I haven’t had silence for 3+ years. I guess it’s to break me down mentally and emotionally.

Just another observation.

I have an appointment with the ear doc to see if this stuff has to do with with the migraines.

I was hoping the lithium would help me feel well enough to be about to go for walks but I’m feeling jittery, a little light headed. Sooooo…..

my goal is to stop Voices AND or get back to the gym and in shape. And idk man these pills are something else. Something has to give.

These Entities are Non-intelligent Losers

From a comment I made of voices:

I just called the voices “losers” all day yesterday.

Not because they LOST a game but the fact they are even willing to play the sick game.

I observed all the tricks, the triggers….. how EASILY they can hypnotize us into self hatred. And I am not impressed at all.

They lose because they are willing to win in the most horrific ways. To me it doesn’t show intelligence to make a decision but obedience or programming in the sense the voice are made this way and can never change.

No one in the right mind would find this fun or engage in something this horrific.

Stand tall!!! Don’t let them bring you down one once!!! It’s just apart of the voices sick game.

Voices Snapshot

I noticed my mom seemed kind of bummed out. She’s not the kind of person to tell her emotions so I figured just do something.

My first thought was to maybe tell my dad to do something nice for my mom via text. But then I realized I didn’t have my wifi number anymore. So then I thought I would get her some flowers, even though flowers seem lame maybe they will cheer her up. The voices quickly pounce on me.

Voice 1: I’m tired of this pedophile incest bitch……

Voice 2: what’s wrong with getting flowers for her mother? (This “voice of reason” recently emerged when I stopped fighting with them both. Really I don’t trust it and it’s no different than the other)

Voice 1: (screaming) Die bitch. Your mothers going to die.

Me: I can’t believe I actually have to listen to this shit.

So because I wanted to do something positive and nice I had to hear about how my mom was going to die for little bit after all of that.

I later proceed to go out and buy my mom flowers with my last $10, just to cheer her up a bit. She does so much not sure if she wasn’t feeling appreciated.

Imaginary Friend 🍃👻🍃

I had some “the gruge” like or alien raptor visuals in the begining ….. But I laughed at them …. So oddly my visuals are not AS strong although I have like floating emojis around the house which are odd and visions of child abuse or which is terrifying or random photos of people. 

I guess I am more stern because of the auditory …. Speaking creates more of a relationship. So it’s like one moment the voices would have me crying from saying moms gonna die, then sucidial from a sick visual of child sexual abuse and then trying manipulate me back into a friendly demeanor by making jokes or saying they love me. I realized this was a cycle of abuse. 

The Reconciliation /Honeymoon phase is “The victim feels pain, fear, humiliation, disrespect, confusion, and may mistakenly feel responsible. Characterized by affection, apology, or, alternatively, ignoring the incident, this phase marks an apparent end of violence, with assurances that it will never happen again, or that the abuser will do his or her best to change.” 

The first time I was introduced to this was when my best friend in high school told me that her mom would beat her, and then clean her wounds and tell her sorry and it won’t happen again and do it again. I asked my mom if she could live us but she couldn’t. 

Once I found this habitual pattern of abuse…. As much as those funny moments are so important for relief to the constant verbal abuse… To love and not hate…. To laugh….. I sadly had to accept that these voices will never change…. And I can no longer enable their abuse. Nor can I trust any attempt to gain my trust. 

This is called trauma. Not being able to leave a state of constant distrust or being on gaurd…… Physically harms the body in itself as well as how I interact with others. I’m trying to simply be clear and stern about my boundaries rather than be become a full blown narc. But it hurts and its hard because this is NOT my true nature. 

Sans the sick twisted abusive stuff…. I have no problem having an imaginary alien rapture friend that remixes gregorian music, plays air ghost tic tac toe and makes decent jokes given a natrual break in communication and with out pain from them touching me is gone.

Yea…. I am liberal about being crazy.

Archon Name Calling 😢

Today was a little tough. I had to go do a task for my father. So it was going a little outside of my comfort zone. It started off as general pain.m, I could feel the entity tighten its grip around my neck or feel the pressure on my head and jaws and I tried to manage the back pain I always and only worsened with all the extra weight.

So I got some molten popped 4 got a coffee and hoped it would work soon. I started to study the outline of other people looking to see if they had the same as me. I only saw on a few people on the bus, but often they can turn sideways (the thin side) to not be visible like seeing an aura.

I also had the knocking tugging at my back outside for the first time. I never felt this outside before. 

Either, I pushed through the pain never sure of what I was seeing or what it even means. 

Then I wanted to share a snack with my mom that use to get when I was younger in the village called Pomme Frits, its like Belgium cut fries and all these crazy sauces so I thought it would be cute to share with her. Its in the NYU area on the city and as I walked through as I have many times before, this Demonic Archon started loosing its ever loving consciousness, and started doing the “child molester” play again. 

So I just keep walking, trying to get to first ave even though my back/ core felt like a noodle. I just kept walking ignoring it trying to breathe and just get to 1st Ave. 

Once I got to the bus stop and sat down I broke down crying. Because its such a gross game and thing to do. Like damn I can’t get some fries and chill one day? 

In some ways calling ME a child molester is an INSULT to my soul, to my core to who I know myself to be. I sometimes feel like its a cruel joke making fun of the fact that I am infertile because of PCOS. “You’ll never be a mom”, “you’re a child molestor”, “you heal no one”. 

A lady at the bus stopped asked me if I was OK I lied and said I was fine and thanked her. I was just over the day by then. I’m tired of being “strong”. I just want this over with, the voice, the thoughts, the headaches, the rape, the crazy dreams, done. 

The is no excuse for this torture. 

Haunted House 😱🏢

So with being able to now see these demonic archon jelly blobs I see them around the house. 

First I notices 3-4 in the bathroom (one splits and then goes back), one large one in my dining room, and 3+ in my room (its dark so not easy to see). 

Today I noticed that there was one in the middle of my narrow New York City apartment kitchen. How I noticed is I was being a fat ass had some pizza that was too hot and then you know blew the heat off my mouth. But then I noticed a lot of steam. An abnormal amount so then took a step back and I used my eyes to to see and low and behold there was one right in my kitchen.

My only thing that has me questioning is placement of these things in my house. Like they are strategically placed at head level.  Even sitting down on the toilet. 

So what the fuck is really going on?!?

I mean I already knew I was being watched in a way, but now I’m not sure how or why or how to get rid of them. Or stop hearing them or seeing them. Cause most people don’t hear or see this shit. 

My guess is that my “schizophrenia” is maybe two or three in or aroubd my head.

That’s my guess. Since they can change shape and size more or less.

I really need help understanding this. I keep hitting a wall it seems on my own. 

Orbs vs Voice 👽👻👀

So I have wondering if these orbs are directly, indirectly or if I all related to the voice. 

The orbs seem more common if I search “spirit” realm rather than the archon realm of the internet side of 

I mean I see orbs of different sizes, shapes and colors. Definitely 4 in the bathroom, maybe one or two with me if I go outside and some in the house in general but I haven’t counted.

The orbs definitely have a temperament about them. Some are fast or slow, or big or large some are shapes. Some hide and some float in my face.

But this voice. No matter the tone, or sound, the voice female or make, there always seems to be a sameness about the topic or temperament. 

Maybe there is one greedy orb in my head that refuses to leave. 

So maybe my question is my answer. The fact that I even wonder may be the answer. That I can’t concretely, settle on one definitive answer. 

Does something else USE these orbs to it advantage? Can the orbs speak on their own? They clearly respond but I don’t feel connected between the voice(s) and interaction.

They can hear me. But I don’t know if I can hear them directly especially with this main one cursing at me and just being crazy. 

I just don’t want be dragged into another delusional game like the twin flame thing and my ex. 

I do want to be mindful, I do want to understand body and my surroundings and how everything interacts. I think that’s fair.