Voice in my head: “you the one talking to nothing.”
Me: “you the one giving me nothing to talk to!”
Voice in my head: “you the one talking to nothing.”
Me: “you the one giving me nothing to talk to!”
This video is interesting and grounding.
1. While I truly enjoy understanding the “chakra system”, I believe it is a great way of understanding and bring mindful of the part of our body. I also do not truly believe we have 7 cones of energy. I think it can be a good way to understand organs and parts of the mind by compartmentalizing these idesas but not as an actual system. The concept is fine….. But diving deep into the illusion of being some super human is where we get caught by these Entities.
We are electromagnetic, this is true. We have metals in our body. But how that actually looks I have no idea.
2. As stated these beings will pretend to be anything of authority. And will play off of both bad and “positive” emotions or words to control. So it really is a double edge sword. So I have narrowed the single most important thing is ignorance. Lack of awareness will have you pulled in so many different directions. Happy sad angry. So when we are aware that these being are trying implant mistrust or fear anger or even manic happiness we are not in control.
3. More recently I “saw” visuals that were not visions of “light” that looked like a couple of different things. One looks like maybe 20 circles inside of each other, another like jellyfish lights, others are sparks of “light” or globs of colorful “energy” that looks like its leaving my being . This is false light , this is not real light. It is not coming from the sun, or a lamp. I doubt it is coming from me. But even if this “light” is coming from me, the fact that it is being tampered with to create “light” is still false. So be careful of being lured by “the light”. All that glitters is not gold.
4. Between being in spiritual forums and schizophrenic forums to just everyday interactions it is very easy to see how we are all affected. Its easy to observe.
5. I have no idea how to get rid of these things. Again prior to being “attacked” I was on an organic diet and fairly happy with only a break up that rattled my spirit. However prior to this full fledged experience, I can recall up until the age of 15 where these beings have been around me. Or have acted as “spirits” of loved ones, or “angels” or supposed “spirit guides. Being young, i just accepted it as such cause i didnt know any better. Movies, religion and so on talks about spirits, angels, demons, ect so it is socially acceptable. I moved on with my life. But this ignorance, because no that was not my deceased grandma or grandpa, and no that flash of light was not an angel trying to help you, that ignorance is what comes to haunt me later.
Don’t get me wrong, that idea of believing in angels or the spirit of our loved ones “being with us”, there is nothing wrong with this idea. If we want to embody the archetype idea of an angel is fine,if we want to comfort ourselves with the idea of our deceased loved ones looking down on us or living on “through us” as a form of ancestry that’s fine. Poetic of sorts. But these ideas can also be manipulated by these beings. In fact anything can if we don’t have our Witt’s about us.
So again its not a clear cut answer.
Lol but if I find one I will surely let you know. For now I am careful what I believe and keep things simple. Because these parasites are always trying to drag me into a storyline so they can position themselves in a place of power rather than what they really and truly are.
If I never held my beautiful dreams in such high regards. Revealed in the otherworldly bliss.
If I never thought there could actually be a special connection between two people. Telepathy between hearts.
That maybe if I never thought there was something beautiful outside myself. Outside this world that seems so bleak at times.
That maybe if I didn’t seek. Or believed in anything.
That maybe I wouldn’t be in the situation I am in now with this demon. I don’t think anyone could truly be prepared.
I was dumb to think the “other side of the veil” would be any better than this world.
I was naive. I have to forgive myself for not knowing any better. For falling prey…….. To the illusion.
I got dooped by false light and now I’m a “schizophrenic”.
This experience is/was such a waste of my time, life, money and relationships.
Like this mutha fuka comes stepping in and because I didn’t know any better I lost 2+ years of my life I worked so hard for.
Coming out of being a homeless youth…. Trying build a career and pay my bills…. Trying to do what’s right….. All to end up 100lb heavier, laying in my parents house with some disgusting demonic Entity that won’t shut the fuck up.
Shit is so fucked up.
Like how much love and light is one suppose to cultivate while you are being shown visions of child abuse?
I was all sunshine before this shit popped up out of nowhere.
So fucked up. Its like it doesn’t even matter how much you try. How good you try to treat people or improve yourself.
Some Entity fucker is gonna come in and wreck your shit for eternal shits and giggles.
As much as I try to have patience …. I’m loosing it. And its making me even more upset when I read about other folks being spiritually attacked. And even MORE upset with everyone running around trying to make money off of something that they barely understand. Least not enough to get rid of mine.
So over this bullshit. I’m tired of this Entities voice, I’m tired of its games, I’m tired of its sick twisted thoughts, I’m tired of it physically abusing me (black outs, energetic rape), I’m tired of its opinions, I’m tired of its visions, I’m tired of people who don’t know what the fick they are talking about, I’m tired.
I’m tired of fucking sleeping and not seeing the light of day.
Its bullshit. Its all fucking bullshit.
Shit needs to go back where ever the fuck it came from.
I read this article that narcissists try to stay friends with their ex’s in order to continue to drain them of their empathy and emotion availability only to further manipulate them to meeting their personal needs with out ever reciprocating.
I thought of myself. My sexual partner would often become my best friend. I am social in the sense that I don’t care what your style is…. If you’re cool I like you as an individual. A “social butterfly”….. But just could never seem to stay in cliques too long.
So my partner would be one of my best friends. We were the most intimate, comfortable we would go out and do things that maybe my other friends found lame.
So I kind of made this pack with myself that since I spent all this time with someone and my body with them…. That if only seemed fair to try to at least stay friends with them even if we didn’t work out. It would have to be a mutual thing and cordial at least.
I mean the first few were simply cordial. I left the door open and every so often we would check in with other or run into each other on the streets. As much as the break up may have hurt at the time, over time I worked on not holding resentments just because we didn’t work out.
With my partner of 5 years I thought for sure we were going to be a married power couple in community arts. But…. He wanted to be polyamorous and I just had too many things going on that to then work through the emotions and worry wonder if someone was having sex in my bed was too much. It was what it was…. I tried to explore poly but I suck at it and it just felt like an emotional trap. I have enough rules.
But we stayed good friends. Supportive once the dust settled. Check in every so often. Nothing major. But the love we had in that relationship I cherished and will always cherish.
I always wondered how the friendship would fit into my life or with having a steady partner. I mean we didn’t hang out enough for me to put it at the forefront of a relationship, and I hadn’t gotten serious enough with someone to feel they could dictate my friendships if they felt uncomfortable.
I never talked about who I was seeing with my ex/friend tried to keep relationship drama to a minimum. That was my own rule of thumb.
But my last ex kind of provided a reason why being cordial if not friends with my exes were beneficial. When the voice/ demon popped up it did everything to isolate me not only from my ex but my friends and family…….. Even from myself.
Because this voice sounded and “acted” (at least his internet persona) like my Ex, it was important to keep me away from him so I could not double check any “storylines” …. So I could not be comfortable enough to be like “hey did you send me a telepathic message telling me not to donate all my belongings to good will?” 😞
I had tried multiple times to estatebish this type of friendship with him but it was a text maybe he didn’t answer but saw, he requested friendship on Instagram. But I was already in the under current with this Entity and any little meme or photo would trigger another series of delusions and my heart and mind could not handle. So I stopped feeding the hungry ghost. Wrote him a letter gently stating I was going completely out of my mind and blocked him. For my own good.
This all went against what I was trying to do as a person which was not demonize my exes and chalk it up to it just didn’t work out while seeing if the bond could be transformed into a friendship.
But hey………. I got this menacing demon.
Even after peeling back all the delusion and storylines. After all the strengthening of my tender heart….. The demon “entity” insists on using the memory of this particular ex as a shield. Which to this day I will never understand and maybe what keeps it persistent.
During an “episode”, I’m sure the first are always the meatiest…. How are scenarios, topics, themes, fears, voices, images chosen?
While I am dropping the demon perspective, I guess I am only doing this maybe… Prove that point.
I have other fears. Like….. Trypophobia, you know the fear of irregular holes. That and mayo. So why was child abuse chosen as a theme?
Or why did it choose the ex (“twin flame”) that it chose, I’ve dated other men, and my longest was with my ex partner of 5 years who is transgender and we are still friends. So why not that ex? I mean there is at least 5 years worth of material there.
Why this time in my life? When everyone in my family was in a health crisis and my grandma and uncle passed away? Why now? Why not before? Why when I tried my hardest to keep my head above the sadness was I yanked down into its depths?
Why the goddess Isis? I studied mythology from both Celtic and Yoruba culture. And more recently Yoruba looking into the characteristics of Yemaya and Oshun.
Why when I looked up, spirit husband, djinn, incubus, the Entity said it prefers to be called and an Entity? And prior to that chose my ex (“twin flames”) name as its own.
Why can anxiety be created in me, but I can not create anxiety? Why can the voice in my head send buzz and burns to my body, but I can not do the same TO MY body?
Why of all the amazing feats (over coming homelessness, weight loss, good job, paying studeny loans, raises etc) was then every thing undone? I stayed optimistic.
Why for every postivie thought or action, this voice negates it with something gross or disgusting?
How are these thing chosen? When there is wide range of emotions or topics to choose from?
I mean I have sun understanding of subconscious material. I’m not saying that the material wasn’t there, I’m saying who or how it is all chosen and weaved into some insane storyline?
Who or what has the choice? Cause I know I could not even phathom something like this.
Hypothetically: Would the “higher self” force the I guess “human self” into suicide?
Would the higher self actually say “tired of looking at you fucking up”? Cause wouldn’t that ultimately mean the “higher self” fucked up?
I guess I am currently in an ocean of terms, ideologies, beliefs and practices ….. Overwhelmed and underwhelmed at the same time. Nothing fits just right. Does this belief make my butt look to big?
Yes. Yes it does.
Discernment has been so important. Because if I truly believed that this Entity was my ex, or God, or Satan…… I would not be here right now. And as much as I want to forgive this abusive being I also must remind myself of this fact.
Today yet another woman expressed having a very similar experience as I. I mean the white outs, choking sensations (not anxiety) as well as a voice calling her a bitch and saying “I’m leaving, I’m never coming back”. I am sure that’s the tip of the iceberg.
This is soooo similar to the catch phrases that the Entity uses with me its almost scary.
These are just SOME of the catch phrases there are plethora of others depending on the theme or topic.
So why would two different people (women) on different sides of the world and from different cultures and with different symbols and language have an Entity telling them practically the exact same thing???
I haven’t spoken to her directly to exchange any other notes. But Yea…… It is exhausting. I am glad she was able to position herself to at least stand her ground and know it is NOT her and she is NOT just schizophrenic……
As I said before I ….. I am (personally) where I have attributed all these “mystical” experiences (“angel” sparkles, shadows, spirits, telepathy, “voice of god”, aliens whatever) to this Entity. So…. My beliefs are kinda at a standstill …. But at the same time I look for information.
My only thing is does my exclusive experience with this Entity emulating them mean…. They do not exist? That’s why I try not impose of people too much. I mean whatever gets you through the day. But at the same time I’m about truth AND safety and when those things are compromised…… On a fundamental level….. The “self”….. What do you do other than hold space for each other?
Allow one to draw their own conclusions with out imposing too much…..
Now that the entity has already caused the damage in my life, in my body, my mind, it wants to “be my friend”.
This isn’t the usual brainwash, hypnosis no control kind of request. It really wants to act like its concerned for my well being. After giving strong urges to jump off an over pass because I went to a shaman.
So if loss my real friends during this process why the fuck would I want to gain this entity as one?
Its more manipulation, to give itself a purpose and a reason to be in my life when it has NONE!
One more day…. Just one more game.