Unawakened Father

TRIGGER TRIGGER: Gross 💩

Ok so I wanted to document in my blog how these DEMONS are trying to play me. And I really don’t know what to do. I made the best decision I could granted my Demonic situation and I really don’t know what else to do to DEESCALATE the situation and TURN UP because I know that’s what’s these DEMONS want.

So. (Big deep breath) my father watches porn. I don’t care that my father watches porn. I mean up until 6 years ago I did too but I stopped. I’m not going to porn shame although I hold mixed feelings all together. Shaming others is not the way. Be it the industry or consumers. But yea….. all beside the point.

Point is. My “room” is an enclave with a sonji screen so privacy is so a minimum all it fits is a bed. I try to remain thankful although the loud noises and TVs can really make me want to run.

So my father normally does his work at the kitchen table about 6 to 8 feet from my enclave and because I am awakened at 3 or 4am every fucking night no matter the Benadryls I am normally awake when he leaves.

At first I would make him coffee and a kind gesture if I had the time. And almost felt it was my duty to send him off into the city jungle with a happy toned “have a good day!”. But soon …………. sometime into this ritual I started hearing porn sounds coming from his computer.

First time it was whatever, I laid in my bed motionless as the demons made a huge deal out of this moment and started flashing images of my father penis, or a penis and my father jerking off. And the demons would molest or rape me as the did this all from a moment of moans from porn.

I’ve personally avoided sex scenes in tv shows enjoy (ex: Magicians).

So while I don’t porn shame I do wish I wasn’t around ……. maybe me? I don’t know if I’m being too extra with that. I would rather be asleep and I have tried to knock myself out with 8 Benadryl so I would have to be up at his hour so that the demons can rape me on this incest play.

I wrote my father an email directly to him. Asking him if he could use his tablet and watch porn in his bed room. ” cause no one wants that image of their father” and I tried to keep it none judgmental and more about the fact that the demons harm me. I check his email and I didn’t see it in his email but I know I heard the email notification go off when I sent it.

BUT I think he did it again….. today………. and even if he didn’t the demons are trying to make me think he did so that I turn the fuck up and cause some drama and get my ass kicked out my parents house AGAIN. Like I have to sit there in fear and be molested by god knows how many spirit demons. And I’m tired. I tried to be open and clear and father ignored it and me. And now there’s going to be tension.

This is because the demons for whatever reason want to make me “aunt Joycey“, and I don’t even know what that me at THERE level cause they keep using it as an insult but but my aunts awesome.

There whole thing is that they want me to move to my aunts now and leave my mom who they gave a stroke and a heart attack and my sister a stroke to. And I don’t know why. But I do know they are taking advantage of an awkward situation that I would normally would be able to let go and blowing it up and making me look at my dad differently and really fucked up cause I know it’s not that deep to a man who is unaware and unawake.

I didn’t want to drag my mom into this, cause that’s drama. I didn’t want to mention this again cause drama and I just was hoping he would understand but again it’s already in motion….. it’s already in my head ……. even if he never does again it will loom around will this demon rape me at 5am because my father watched porn. Trying make me run away to my aunt J house?

Yea that’s my life right now.

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Therapy Fail 😴

Therapy has failed me.

It failed at being the consistent rock I needed when everything was falling apart. Overworked therapists who I was more concerned about their wellbeing than my own. High turn overs at the clinics, having to restart and that painful part of your story over and over and over ad nauseam to a new therapist is exhausting.

And that’s if I could even access it. Not getting call back for therapy appointments months later.

And I’m just kind of spinning around taking every one suggestions of salt baths, and psyche meds, and therapy, and shaman healing sessions and crystals and this and that and my head is spinning and my situation is no better. I am just more steeped in it.

I still see the energy orbs around my house and now around the city. I’m worried to death about my family. I have a Demonic Entity Mantis thing telling me to kill myself and trying to make like so unbearable that I don’t want to live.

And while I would LOVE to say this is all just some figment of my imagination, it’s not and I have photos and have had other friends confirm those photos. I also interviewed a number of random people from different belief systems that showed signs and outside the illusionary visions /”hallucinations” (depending on how conscious you are), the messages and tactics are usually the same. Tactical Rape, Entity position themselves as an authority figure, kill yourself (short version).

So therapy will do what? Definitely not going to help save the world from the corny ass darkness (that’s dark/dull purple energy by the way). Very few will want to hear about this crazy ass shit. I wouldn’t even know how to use therapy at this point because it has failed me so many times and I had to reconcile my life for myself.

So I’m not sure. I’m overly self aware so I am trying to be better at something I can’t say that I am exceeding at. Like responding to the demons. Fail! I can do it for short periods. But long periods. Fail.

I’m not sure what I would gain from therapy at this point. My primary doctor suggested that I have therapy because I keep crying because I keep trying to cure the symptoms of this Demonic possession. And I asked for therapy and psychiatrist didn’t want to give me therapy….. and I wouldn’t be able to see anyone for at least 3 months anyway and that’s why I originally went there but got stuck in psychiatrics and just figured just go with it because switching takes months if not a year on my timeline.

So I’m just not sure what therapy will or can do for me at this point.

Keeping it Lite 💡

I’m having a difficult time with being between the fact that the demons have ruined my life in unimaginable ways (described in this blog), caused my sister to have a stroke, my mom to have a stroke and heart attack……… AND trying to be normal fun loving me, AND having to be a warrior and take these demons on.

They never shut up……. they are always doing black magic….. I have no defense against them other than the fact I can see them, an iPhone camera and a keen sense of self, but that doesn’t stop them.

I don’t “play” with them as much as they play with me mostly as I wake up and then throughout the day.

If I knew how to make this stop I would.

I can’t think with out them inserting themselves…….

Suicide: No Martyrs

So these demons refuse to kill humans. I don’t know if there is a strict code or coven. But they do not want to create any martyrs, saints or heroes. Instead they would rather craft a generation of blindly depressed and suicidal people who take their lives. And for the ones that can see them or are hip to their games politically, socially and spiritually torture them the mental anguish of rape and graphic images of child abuse and paranoid delusions forcing them into suicide.

I’m in so many groups where I hear people of my generation and younger crying out about suicide. Many of the ones in the schizophrenic forum DON’T WANT TO. They just want it to stop! So how do you even reconcile that?

A generation being told to commit suicide quietly or not so quietly by these demons only some of us see. Because they don’t want us to to die for what we believe in. They want us to loose all hope all faith and end the torture…… of that is even truly the end of it.

And they will even twist our minds and say Go home to God, or Next life time or something to deceive us into committing suicide. But that is all apart of their long standing plan.

To get us to kill ourselves. Quickly or slowly. Depends on the situation and your progress.

We must start really talking about this being honest about this purging this no longer allowing this to be a hook in our generation or the next.

Otherwise we they are doomed for sure.

Lithium (pt 2)

I’m not sure if it’s the Lithium or the fact that I read two articles that suggested that God allows you to go through this situation.

But I am SO ANGRY.

WHY won’t God just kill these Demons already who are toying with humans? Enslaving humans? Me?

Like why is this being drawn out into an epic novella when God can just wipe them out and we can get rid of at least one form of pointless suffering?

I don’t want to be mad at God. Cause I know that wrong believe with all my might and being. I said THIS ISNT MY GOD. I defended my God. You will see it through out my blog!

But at the end of the day ….. the creator of ALL things let’s this piece of shit Entities exist but let his son die? Let this piece of shit rape me day in and day out ……. and I suppose not come out this shit with questions? What kinda dumb bitch is that?

So I’m not sure if this the Lithium talking and got me way the fuck off balance or if this an epiphany. That I’m nothing ……. but a pawn ….. a toy…. in a game that has nothing to do with me.

I’m just so sick of this bullshit.

Frequency noise

So I was noticing it was day time. Family had the TV on and NO high pitch frequency sounds were coming through on my ears.

For a moment once I looked for it it came though and then went away. But it wasn’t there.

So at night when the TVs are FINALLY off I hear high pitch frequency sound and then some times a ringing in the ears that sound super close. Not to mention the voice that is ALWAYS screaming in the background about some 💩.

So what it seems like NO PEACE .

The Entities need a consistent flow of sound to bounce off of. Be that white noise, frequencies, tv, a fan, people outside. I haven’t had silence for 3+ years. I guess it’s to break me down mentally and emotionally.

Just another observation.

I have an appointment with the ear doc to see if this stuff has to do with with the migraines.

I was hoping the lithium would help me feel well enough to be about to go for walks but I’m feeling jittery, a little light headed. Sooooo…..

my goal is to stop Voices AND or get back to the gym and in shape. And idk man these pills are something else. Something has to give.

Profound Life Event 😲

So this guy I dated said he. Went to Niagara Fall before making a big decision to move to NYC and beat depression because of his mom.

Other people will say God told them to do this or that. Or they saw signs to go this path……

And I guess IDK…. I am wondering what will and if there will be a proud moment in my life about this situation.

I just read that Schizophrenics are likely to live 20 less years than the average person. So that means all I have is 15 years left. 20 of which I spent my youth clawing my way out out poverty and bad relationships. And now I get to entertain demons for the last quarter of my life. 😔

This is really as good as it gets?

I was always humble and tried to stay with in my means. I don’t even know what I’m trying to say here other than I clinicly don’t have much longer ………. and these pills don’t even work…… and none of this spiritual hopla is making any difference and I’m just wasting away in a corner of my moms apartment that vaguely looks like a jail cell because of the sonji screens surrounding it and I’m over hearing about my ex and his life or my fathers penis or child molestation or being raped or how ugly and fat I’ve become.

Or how God doesn’t care or some twisted religious stuff. Or no one cares. Which is accurate because this is levels of fuckery no one could truly understand but God.

Where’s the turning point? It’s been 3 years… more if you count grooming by these demons.

I’m not brace or strong. I just have no choice in enduring. I begged God to please obliterate my soul. I don’t want exist in any life or plane or universe where these disgusting demons exist as well. I hope God will have Mercy on me and understanding. I don’t want to remember any of this ever or to play this game…. so it’s best to just not exist.

Into words …. 📝 Sunken Place

I’m rarely the type that doesn’t know how I feel or why or have something to say about it.

My friend wants me to be a twin flame and says I am and I don’t think I am a twin flame or a light worker or a 144k (from the Bible) or any of that. I don’t feel awakened or enlightened. I’m just a partially possessed woman who is pissed off she experienced this.

So thinking about being “post” all these spiritual labels that seem to take the focus off of God I started to cry I couldn’t but I’m trying to find the words of how I felt. Embarrassed and sad, longing knowing none of the super powers will “awaken” my “twin flame” will never come back all the stories that got WAY the fuck out of control and the Entities took advantage of my naivety I just feel embarrassed and sad.

So while some of this was harmless at first it’s not helping now. The only thing that brings me some hope and joy is that the heavens (astral/ethers) will be destroyed and created a new as it says in revelations. It has to be true…. this has gone on for too long. And as much as I just wanted to enjoy life through Gods love, if God is not pleased with me I have no choice. I have begged for forgiveness, all I can do is hope it gets better for others.

It was such a strange cry, I’m sure these demons are drinking my tears as a mid night snack. I tried not to cry today….. but it happened. I know my mistakes….. this is the first time I haven’t been able to move forward to correct them.

So I’m just stuck…… in this sunken place with these Entities. And I just don’t know what to do in the time I wait. I feel like crap mostly so my attention is on that.

I don’t know if God is an ACTUAL entity like these fools. Ya know? Like I don’t know. I know humans give God such human attributes. And I can’t say I KNOW. But do I have to to give thanks?

So no BOOM super powers for enduring this pain….. that is an illusion, no twin flame return cause it’s bs ….. no enlightenment although I have a bunch of info I could have done with out. All is a distraction from God and my happiness. But I don’t know how to get back.

BIG SIGH 😔

https://youtu.be/P94ZXqIATy4

Lithium 😬

So they put me on ambify and lithium and I will give it a shot but if this shit don’t work I’m not taking it.

I am not even bipolar …. low key depressed but I thinks it’s with in reason for having a fucking Demonic reptilian shadow monster raping me all day and calling me names.

Like today I started seeing the outline of the beings in the middle of a manhattan street while I was in a cab. I didn’t notice at first but then saw blue sparkles and then my vag being touched and then I was like huh?! And I saw a clear sparkling thing move and then I look to the side and there was a large dark purplish blob in the middle of the street that didn’t move.

So WTF? Like they don’t have to be in my house they can just be in the streets molesting random ass people. I’m just saying. Saw it twice and two in my hallway.

Sucks that I have no one to talk to to understand what I am seeing. At least it could help some people.

But either way, I’m like depressed only cause these voices won’t go away and hurt me and makes me irritable and I don’t want to do anything other wise I would be regular sarcastic but optimistic.

Either way we will see. But I’m not taking this shit for fun. If it don’t work it’s in the trash.

Law School

Yesterday I was saying to myself how bored I am and I google searched free online courses for 💩 and giggles.

Then I THOUGHT maybe law because I believe you can take the bar examine with out going to actual law school and I’m about that free life.

NOW just now I see an ad on Facebook for law school. I’ve never seen an ad for school or anything before….. but to have an ad for law school legit the next day when all my ads have been clothing is kind of creep. I only thought it!

I actually didn’t want to tell anyone about this because I just wanted to learn on my own and just figure it out.

I’m really not a conspiracy theory person but this is creepy……. along with these Demonic thought police over here…… TF!