Painting: No Thinking 🌙

(Painting Post from Yesterday)

” Too often when i try to draw or paint the voices would argue about what i should be painting it would upset me and so i stopped being creative for a very very long time. I drew a few portiats of the voices but my own art they wouldn’t let me do.

I’m trying not cry writing this.

So today as a suggestion 6 months ago by a remote healer Theresa Crabtree she told me to paint. I tried and the voices argued about which thought to paint and I became overwhelmed. I didn’t know how to not NOT paint my worlds. So today i just made a playlist called “healing the goddess” on YouTube played that all day and layed thick coats of of my favorite colors of paint. I didnt think too much about the paint strokes just let them fall played with them. Tried to have fun it even though the voices tried to suck the fun out it.

Now i wish i had endless money, paint and canvas so i could just paint all day and not pay attention to these voices. I felt empty afterwards in a strange way, alone again with the voices, i never had happen when i made art I always felt filled up or satisfied. Now I just want to stop feeling empty and paying attention to the Demonic voices with more mindless painting.”

Untitled, acrylic 2018

Hh

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Therapy Fail 😴

Therapy has failed me.

It failed at being the consistent rock I needed when everything was falling apart. Overworked therapists who I was more concerned about their wellbeing than my own. High turn overs at the clinics, having to restart and that painful part of your story over and over and over ad nauseam to a new therapist is exhausting.

And that’s if I could even access it. Not getting call back for therapy appointments months later.

And I’m just kind of spinning around taking every one suggestions of salt baths, and psyche meds, and therapy, and shaman healing sessions and crystals and this and that and my head is spinning and my situation is no better. I am just more steeped in it.

I still see the energy orbs around my house and now around the city. I’m worried to death about my family. I have a Demonic Entity Mantis thing telling me to kill myself and trying to make like so unbearable that I don’t want to live.

And while I would LOVE to say this is all just some figment of my imagination, it’s not and I have photos and have had other friends confirm those photos. I also interviewed a number of random people from different belief systems that showed signs and outside the illusionary visions /”hallucinations” (depending on how conscious you are), the messages and tactics are usually the same. Tactical Rape, Entity position themselves as an authority figure, kill yourself (short version).

So therapy will do what? Definitely not going to help save the world from the corny ass darkness (that’s dark/dull purple energy by the way). Very few will want to hear about this crazy ass shit. I wouldn’t even know how to use therapy at this point because it has failed me so many times and I had to reconcile my life for myself.

So I’m not sure. I’m overly self aware so I am trying to be better at something I can’t say that I am exceeding at. Like responding to the demons. Fail! I can do it for short periods. But long periods. Fail.

I’m not sure what I would gain from therapy at this point. My primary doctor suggested that I have therapy because I keep crying because I keep trying to cure the symptoms of this Demonic possession. And I asked for therapy and psychiatrist didn’t want to give me therapy….. and I wouldn’t be able to see anyone for at least 3 months anyway and that’s why I originally went there but got stuck in psychiatrics and just figured just go with it because switching takes months if not a year on my timeline.

So I’m just not sure what therapy will or can do for me at this point.

These Demons Gave My Sister a Stroke

Something told me they did. I couldn’t prove it. In 2016 when I started hearing voices 24/7. It was almost night and day. Like soon as it became 2016 BOOM voices 24/7.

I was trying to understand what was happening to me, who sent this voodoo to me ….. why was I hearing my ex’s voice EVERY WHERE….. seeing his name. Then BOOM right before our birthday my twin sister had a STROKE. Too young for a stroke.

I was devastated, I started drinking , I would come home after work and drink and cry all night about my sister in her room. And this was after crying for like 6 months after a breakup.

Then maybe once my sister came back home and I quit my job. I started feeling super heavy. I started getting dizzy every time I sat up. Especially when I would quickly sit up to help take care of my sister. I thought it was the stress. I had perfect blood pressure all my life even in the psyche ward. So a couple months in I started just feeling IT.

I mean I felt the “schiz” stuff before or the Entity rape…. burns head pressure…. but this was different.

I felt sick and worried.

So I got schiz, my sister had a stroke, my mom had a heart attack all in the same year. And I only started seeing how these Entities work in 2017. How they attach to the body where what why ….. so I’m really over this.

Even as I write this they attacked me started almost making me pass out with heavy energy. I can only imagine what that would do to someone who is older or not in best of health.

I mean even my health is deteriorating because of this experience. But they don’t care. They just want to make it so someone commit suicide or oops I killed them in a stroke or a heart attack because I sat on their forehead and suffocated their brain or plopped my dark heavy ass energy on their heart. Oops!

I hate them sooooooo much!

When that Entity came to me after I told it to come out of my sisters room and I felt that sick energy the same that my sister said she felt a few days before……. I just knew….. it was confirmation……… I’m pissed I’m angry…… I thought there was some sort of law or code they couldn’t hurt anyone but apparently there isn’t.

So fuck them!

UPDATE: also after my sister’s stroke my sister went blind in her left eye.

Upon observation of my own body I’ve often had a rod or flower or overlay on my eyes with a heavy focus on my left eye to the point of pain. I even got my eyes checked out in the beginning. Everything was fine. Not sure now. Because I started actually seeing stuff in 2017. But the lights and flashes and whatever is in my eye that maybe allows me to see this light frequency HURTS. And then I wonder if it allows them to see like us.

Not sure if it’s a direct connection to my sister but I’m just saying.

I keep seeing these black sparkles bigger and bigger more and more and I just wonder if my sight is going to go away one day because all of this activity that’s constantly happening on me.

Into words …. 📝 Sunken Place

I’m rarely the type that doesn’t know how I feel or why or have something to say about it.

My friend wants me to be a twin flame and says I am and I don’t think I am a twin flame or a light worker or a 144k (from the Bible) or any of that. I don’t feel awakened or enlightened. I’m just a partially possessed woman who is pissed off she experienced this.

So thinking about being “post” all these spiritual labels that seem to take the focus off of God I started to cry I couldn’t but I’m trying to find the words of how I felt. Embarrassed and sad, longing knowing none of the super powers will “awaken” my “twin flame” will never come back all the stories that got WAY the fuck out of control and the Entities took advantage of my naivety I just feel embarrassed and sad.

So while some of this was harmless at first it’s not helping now. The only thing that brings me some hope and joy is that the heavens (astral/ethers) will be destroyed and created a new as it says in revelations. It has to be true…. this has gone on for too long. And as much as I just wanted to enjoy life through Gods love, if God is not pleased with me I have no choice. I have begged for forgiveness, all I can do is hope it gets better for others.

It was such a strange cry, I’m sure these demons are drinking my tears as a mid night snack. I tried not to cry today….. but it happened. I know my mistakes….. this is the first time I haven’t been able to move forward to correct them.

So I’m just stuck…… in this sunken place with these Entities. And I just don’t know what to do in the time I wait. I feel like crap mostly so my attention is on that.

I don’t know if God is an ACTUAL entity like these fools. Ya know? Like I don’t know. I know humans give God such human attributes. And I can’t say I KNOW. But do I have to to give thanks?

So no BOOM super powers for enduring this pain….. that is an illusion, no twin flame return cause it’s bs ….. no enlightenment although I have a bunch of info I could have done with out. All is a distraction from God and my happiness. But I don’t know how to get back.

BIG SIGH 😔

https://youtu.be/P94ZXqIATy4

Lightened Photo

If I didn’t see this shape drop down in front of my eyes or mark my skin then I would say hey this prolly just a camera glitch.

This is the first time I caught on camera what I was drawing.

No one else is seeing it…  And its clear as day and making me feel crazy. And I thought I was a rational person. 


Photo of what I usually see

Like this is the most obvious photo I have taken. I would zoom in or not have it on a white background or in bright lights so your eyes can adjust. Im trying to look at it now in my bathroom lights and all I see it a black photo. 

If I’m totally bugging let me know. 

The photos of what I drew are here. I have seeming them for 6+ months. I think one or more contribute to the schizophrenia. 



Numb 👤 Etheric Overlays

So …. I have noticed for a while now a numb sensation. 

At first I thought it was because I wasn’t moving as much. But YOU KNOW ME overly aware all the time.

So I noticed my hands going numb (especially around the phone). And when I looked there were one of those circles there. Noticed my thighs for months now. 

I noticed my feet/ ankle going numb. And then I felt that energy move up my leg that’s what prompted me to write about it.

Ive seen foreign energy move under my skin and then leave a mark. Either a pictogram (or emoji like) or an X. 

It’s so gross seeing your skin move. Its not like an aliens gonna pop out…. Its like a wave. Its more meshed WITH the skin than under it. 

That’s how the burn me, and talk to me, and poke, vibrate …. Rape. “Punch”…… Is by merging with the human cell or the space in between cells and causing an illusionary sensation.

Hands, arms, feet, thighs. And then my core and head is a whole other thing with etheric animals and beings coming and going as they please. Just …. Uhg. And my 3rd eye is pretty much a big gaping hole at this point. 

And they won’t stop, won’t shut up, won’t leave, won’t provide any “contracts”.

—————– 

The Demonic Archon Alien tried to say its prepping my body for the Isis etheric overlay. 😩😞😒

Suck an etheric dick. 

I said NO! 

Who is behind All of this? 

I see all of these holographic 2D emoji floating images. But those are distractions they seem. 

When my friend sent me energy…. Her energy had a personality of its own. It was polite, affirming, kinda funny, non invasive. 

So I was thinking if she can send me a smiley face energy then some one else could be sending me this really nasty energy. Consciously. The drawings are pretty bad, simple, never full body, just the head. They all act the same which is invasive. But the are simply 2D holographic images that look like doodles that you make on the side of notes.

They change. Evolve. Could be something I said or read. But never consciously my style or topic. 

So who is the artist? 

Who is behind all of this? The torture? The drawings? The none stop talking?

Even for me I tend to be a bit more abstract in my art. Below is a random drawing from 2008. 

So…….. Who’s behind all of this? And why?

 

Golden Light Group Healing Session 💫

So I just did a group healing session with about 500 to maybe 1.5k+ people this morning. 

I didn’t do my normal breath work or implant removal today and just was like whatever just do it. So I joined in late on the meditation but just kept trying to pull in as much “light”.

This one was WAY more emotional than I thought. I was doing the breathing and just trying to send more love out. I realized I will have to probably keep replenishing my “cord” with my twin with love and light since she asks so much of me and I’m just frustrated because where I am in life. It’s not her fault. So I sent love and light out to my family just trying to lighten our relationship. I can’t cut the cord cause I see them all day. Lol then I thought of all my friends and family whom I love and care for and who was involved in this Entity Attack in one way or another and sending love and light out that way. Eric Raines says when ypu have negativity festering in a relationship thats like black magic. Because my ego always had to fight this Archon Entity when it would use my coworkers, family, ex twin flame against me. 

An example would be the Entity would mention a fucked up part of a relationship with someone. And then…. I go on to say in my head “well what about when they did this or screwed me for that or left me here …. Or hurt my feelings then” bla bla bla. So I have to work on that. 

Either way. 

I pulled in as much light and saw myself griding below the ground trying to find those who were in the dark, who suffer from schizophrenia, abuse, sexual violence, hunger, homes … War….

I started cried and my body was convulsing….. Cause…. It thought of all that suffered and wanted to give them a spark of hope. A piece of light. I tried to stop myself from crying cause I am always afraid that its just feeding these entities. 

Then I thought about the world and soon as my mind went over the Caribbean I started crying again that was intense one…. Instant. I didn’t even think about the hurricane. It was tears.

Today has been a lot of tears, for myself, for others, the world. 

I’m not “elevated”, I’m not in swimming through the astral. I’m not special. I don’t have superpowers or abilities like everyone else. I’m human. 

My body is a tool I want to reclaim as my own. These Archon Reptilian demons are using it for their own gain and agenda….. I don’t even know what that is anymore. And it is mine. This in my body, my tool in this world. That is enough and extraordinary enough. 

There is so much healing this world needs. I want to do the intangible and tangible work as well.

This session was bigger than my own personal healing.

The entity is still here. Still doing what it does. But my focus is still the same, us as a collective healing. 

TV on the Radio: Opposite World. 📺 “Stranger Things”

I have spoken about opposite world for a while now. It was a big part of the “delusion” I was dragged into. You can prolly search my blog and find a few posts. 

The more I went into occult groups on facebook trying to understand what was happening to me, was it a spell, voodoo, abilities, was abucted, a puppet, possessed by body snatchers, the more i was met with all these occultist would keep talking about the balance of dark and light. That “as above so below“. Honestly they are the only ones that speak about this, so I doubt they are getting raped and molested by demons so its easy for them to talk about “balancing the darkness”, because its only relatative to the illusionary power or “knowledge” they think they have. Or that anyone that wasn’t aware of the dark…. Or generally happy was a “spiritual bypasser”. 

It took me a while to watch second season of “Stranger Things”, to be honest mainly because it had kids in it and I really didn’t have the stamina to be raped or molested by this Archon Reptilian Entity while it said sick things and then called ME a child molestor. Because this demon wants me to “Die of Molestation”. 

My fear was then sparked again Eleven was named the sexiest woman by W Magazine and I and most of my friends where like WTF, she’s 13years old! And then Mara Wilson who played Matilda back in the day wrote an article for Elle Magazine talking about all the letters from pedophiles she received when she was a little girl and how they would make sick videos with her face imposed on it and it fucked her up. 

So with all that, and knowing how disgusting these Archon Reptilians are, I opted out watching this season. I knew after reading that article about her being named sexy the Archon’s would target her in my psyche. And I wouldn’t get to actually enjoy the show. Its an awesome show anf i love Winoa Ryder, shes kinda my spirit animal right now. It’s not hypersexualized like say “Girls” or “Game of Thrones” which I just couldn’t get through. My ex (twin flame) wanted me to watch Game of Thrones and even before all this happened I didn’t want to watch the rape scene and ended up covering my eyes with his arms until it was over. Its was too much. 

Either way thanks W Magainze for sensationalizing and sexualizing children and one of the few shows out there that’s actually not. 

ANYWAY. 

I mean things have dialed down to about 25% which is still too much for me, and at times they flare up and I can’t put my finger on the reason why…. I observe and catch trends quickly. Maybe there isn’t an actual reason. Just random. Not based on me or what I do. Even though I’ve tried everything to keep it at a minimum. 

So things are at 25% give or take the day. I KNOW for a fact I am not a child molestor and would never be in any lifetime, realm or plane. And I’ve watched “Once Upon a Time” all 6/7 seasons 3 times in row at least and Zootopia 2 times a day for a year….. So its time for a change. 

I’m not a TV person actually. I love music, but TV (and writing) engages my mind a bit more to take my mind away from these demons. Listening to music is intimate for me. Before I would go to my special place and make dances that melded into painting turning into a music video. I did the mostly on my commute to or from work. Open my eyes and I was in a train car of 100 people in a city of 8 million. Close my eyes and I was alone in my mind painting beautiful songs in my cave. 

What happens when you have unwelcomed guests in your cave? That won’t leave. Scribbling their song of fear. Perversion ……. And hatred over my personal graffiti. 

So fuck it, it doesn’t matter either way. I know myself enough and want to watch something different. I am currently on episode 3 season 2 when I was triggered to write this. 

One of the characters talked about being in “upside down” world where he is able to see these dark entities and reptile things that don’t like light or heat. Being stuck between dimensions. 

In many ways it feels like this “opposite world” where I see these Archon circles, Reptilians, Geckos, Trolls, Ghosts banshees, portals, False light floating symbols, that can not with stand the Sun or joy or love. So in a way I become a vampire always in the dark, because these energy vampires keep me weak enough to not go outside but alive enough to feed off and play with me. 

I know its not real real. … Like “Stranger Things” is not a documentary. But certain shows or songs, words always find there way to me AFTER I’ve experience certain things and I’m like “OMG you guys its a synchronicity! ” but thats the lure of the dark, and false light always keep you guessing, mysteriousness so you always stay in the trap of trying to figure things out because YOU think there is some gift….. A pot of goal at the end of that dark evil rainbow. Either way I want out. 

Maybe “Stranger Things” is taking from what some of us are really experiencing and turning it into entertainment. Like those scientists represent CERN, which I have not read up on but my friends, who experience the same I, believe that CERN did something to our world that made us vulnerable and more tangible to dark forces. Like they “lifted the veil”, only we want shit put back down. And ELeven (from stranger things) and the other kid is Us who can feel or sense what is happening to us or the other side. Its strange cause other people are having astral sex and atral projecting to Saturn. .. And past life regressing and channeling and having a grand old time and I’m like “the fuck are y’all doing?”. Even when I would read about people doing this I was like “nah I’m good”. There was no lure for me at most I wanted to do shrooms and maybe tripp and see like smurfs or something, but again that would have been from MY own mind. Not whatever disgusting hive mind from the 4th dimension that uses radio, WiFi, emf waves to penetrate our cells and move around or communicate or take over our bodies. The ones that are stalking me prefer ambient (none focused on sound) TV as it seems easier to associate words with their agenda then from my mind. 

So that’s my “Stranger Things” experience, only I’m kinda living it and it sucks. 

 https://youtu.be/j1-xRk6llh4