Targeted Individual: Meditative State

I spent about 2 years+ so far in a meditative state.

This was me training myself. I did not have a guru. Youtube videos were not doing it for me. It was an organic way of just being aware of my what was happening. An observation of the things that were happening to me that i could not control.

I was being shown strong visions i could not control, my body was vibrating and convulsing, emotions i could not control and often did not connect with. I see aliens and demons floating around, orbs, sparkles. Hearing the most vile things while they try to convince me that some of these vile thoughts are my own.

It took observation and a slowling down to understand what was me and what was not me.

So an example would be i would in my room and i would hear my dad go into to living room. The voices/demon aliens would then show me a vision of a penis ( i have no idea if it is my fathers cause i aint see it and i aint trying to) and then say i want to have sex with my father. Now the awareness of my father being there, that is natural and me. Everything else is NOT. And it use to upset me to the point i would cry because i just could not understand why out of no where one day i am having these incestuous thoughts. But I had to realize they are not mine.

Even one day i my dad and i had dinner together (first time ever) when i went to visit him on the beach and i was admiring his big bright blue eyes and of course the demons aliens turned it gross and raped me there at the table (to make it seem like i was turned on) saying i was attracted to my father. When i was simply cherishing him.

Any attempt at building a loving positive thought was/is ruined. And normally that is who i am. I am the kind of person to tell a random stranger how much i love their outfit. (See update below) Lol at least i use to be.

So all attempts are to keep me from loving positive truthful thoughts. They have even recently twisted my thoughts trying to say i am attracted to my best friends boyfriend, and that is the “play they want”. But im not and i think he is great for her. But because i have a positive thoughts around him (for her)…… It has to turn sexual yet again with these alien demons voices. It cant just be that i think he he is great for her …. It has be taken to another level.

Its always taking it to another level. There is no simplicity with these demon alien voices.

They do the same thing with pedo thoughts as well. I love my godson and might appreciate how silly he is being and they just ruin it with a pedo thought. And I’m stuck there with a frown on my face.

So I noticed FOR ME that a lot of this is centeres around men/boys and my love and or appreciation of them and that being either turned sexual or sour. So with the men i ACTUALLY DATED lol the voices didnt like them and would give negative thought like they are cheating on me or think i am ugly ect ect. But for the men in my life who i appreciated and nothing would ever be sexual they turned sexual in my mind.

Again this is something i spoke about in my blog before. THE OPPOSITE. The alien demon voices constantly trying to convince me of the opposite of what something actually is.

They have done so much sexual vile disgusting thoughts so much and i have had less than supportive dating partners that i give up and i am Asexual at this point. I am overwelmed. Lol and its enough work sorting through the bullshit.

But part of the meditative state is finally getting to the point where you dont have to sort anymore. You just know its bullshit. You allow it to roll by. Its still NOT the life i want to live. But its better than giving it as much energy as i did before and crying into my plate everyday cause i just cant cope.

Much of meditation that i have notices is either creating a space like visualizing yourself at a lake …… Or nothingness. And unfortunately i cant do either. It is very difficult for me to create a whole space now like i use to. The alien demons have enough control of my consciousness to effect that or make it exhausting to execute.

And nothingness is impossible because when i close my eyes i see flashing white lights, “energy” lights flowing, other light beings/ entities, sparkles ect. Nothingness is impossible right now because my energy field is not clear. So alot of my meditative state was going from fear to curiosity (drawing and describing them), to just being ok with them there and letting it roll by …… For now. Again not being excited by the situation.

And sometimes they will give a false sense of fear or being scared. Its like an electric shock to the head or body…… Or false sense of anxiety as they get close to my body. But im like DUDES i see y’all all day every day for 3.5 years, you’ve shown me the most vile things one could see and cried till i cant no more…… I know for a fact that the emotions or anxiety that they where trying to get out of me was false feelings. …… Im not sure HOW they do all that they do….. But im sure they had eons to figure it out.

This is not to say i dont have any emotions at all. I recently became emotional about the child that committed suicide because ICE took her father. And it just killed me. I thought about her emotional state. I thought about how spiritually these entities may have got to her……. How the state (ICE) effected her. Just really upsets me when they get our children and elders. Just the state of the world in general is overwelming. And i allow myself to feel for that for a moment.

But i have this situation at hand to focus on.

And staying on top of that. And staying as “zen” as possible and not letting these alien demons take anymore from my life than they already have.

update: lol on my instagram this photo just showed up which I thought was funny since I just mentioned it here.

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Can you be pimped in the astral plane?

I mean is that even a thing?

This is the second time (or period of time) this nasty ass evil ass piece of shit demon alien THING tried to pimp me on the astra to some heavy ass beast energy. Like i dont even know what they are doing exactly cause i can only hear and see in part.

But i know there was some talks of money. They got currency in the astral? And then some SUPER heavy energy layed on top of me as much as i fought and said no and cussed them out. And then the heavy entity sighed relief after being connected to me or something. (And the wierd cats visions) …… And im just over here trying to figure out what is happening to me.

Like are they just playing with me?

Is my energy or body really being pimped out by some asshole demon for astral currancy?

I mean can you even do that? Is it even like legal in the grand laws?

It sounds ridiculous right? And yet my friend said his twin flame in italy something similar was happening to her. But their story was all over the place.

I’m just by my lonesome trying to figure this out.

I just dont see how this is possible or legal or like not stopable at this point.

I just wanted to make this note in case anyone else was dealing with this in any shape or form.

I never tried to play in the astral/ dimension or anything like that……it just happened. But from what i read most are suppose to leave you alone …. Thats what im not understanding. Is why they wont leave me alone.

I want my body back!

I want my body, mind, soul, spirit back NOW!

I am waiting to see if i can get some cash flow so i can start eating better and organic again. I dont care what any omnivore says….. My body can not process meat the way others can. May on occasion or festivities….. But an every day basis of my diet. Nope. I gained soooooooo much weight.

When i went raw i lost 20lb in a month but thats too much in a month. And i dont want flab. Its difficult to cook in my parents house cause my mom is always in the kitchen and the refrigerator is always full with left overs.

I am slightly afraid that my vegetarian/vegan lifestyle had something to do with what seemed like my spontaneous awakening. But i have to do what i know is right for my body.

I’ve mapped my mental landscape and the games the demonic aliens play. But i want to get rid of them desperately.

At night in my dreams they take control of my spirit/consciousness and drive it through dreams. I cant say exactly how but its like they wear my spirit and drive it while im asleep creating an illusion dreamscape to play in. Which is 100 times better than their sad reality of floating around in space waiting to fuck with someone believe me.

I miss running….. Sweating…. Biking…. I had lost 130+lb over a couple of years and was about 40lb away from my goal weight when i got attacked by the demon aliens. And i slowly became inactive becauce the weight of them hurt to simply walk to breathe. I felt like i was being choked, like my brain was in a vice. So i stopped all activity. Then tgey forced me to quit my job by the sick images they were showing me and saying to me. Then i became depressed and pretty much only ate cheese sandwhiches and cookies all day for like a year. It was a sad look. All my vital came back ok. My blood pressure was a bit high but nothing my doctors seem to take as seriously as i was.

Even being unhealthy i still see hear and feel them. My body is no longer in an alkaline state (i was lighly following Dr. Sebi Akaline guidelines but not strictly). Prior i was 7+ph.

I almost want to cut off all my hair again. Idk. My hsir is just sitti g on my head in a bun all day. Wasting shampoo AND tons of conditioner on it.

Im like wasti g to go into warrior mode ….. Just been waiting and waiting. So tired of waiting. Waiting for money, answers, healing, something!

The soul and the spirit i believe is different i believe. I believe the soul is the observer the spirit is the driver. What animates us. The electricity that runs through our body. Unfortunately this can be hacked. I dont think our soul can be hacked maybe im wrong. The soul is pure. But the body is a bio computer. It is a reciever of information. And it is being hacked and viruses and back doors and Trojans and identify theft is being carried out by these demon aliens. I mean they sounded just like my ex (identy theft). They knew what song he was goung to send me 2 weeks before he sent it (back door).

But i havent fleshed this out too much. But i dont know why they do what they do but its wrong and bad andcevil and there will soon be a reckoning for them and who ever is working with them.

Inspirational Memes and Frustration

I get a bunch of religious or spiritual inspirational memes like this on my Instagram feed and like any other time in my life i would be with it…….. But im just so flipping gosh darn frustrated!

Demonic reptillian alien schizophrenic take over got me WEAK…. For real. I can’t. And like ive heard some people just stopped hearing shit. Others been struggling 20 years ++++. Like i dont know what my story holds and its freaking me out.

Im legit freaking out. Im over it. Its like having a roach under your skin and you want to just cut yourself open and grab it out. Like some real drastic shit like that. Im just so disgusted. I want to just jump out of this body that has failed to protect me from these vile creatures. I mean shouldnt that have been like … Idk …. Like top of the priority list when God made us? No demonic aliens can hack our biosystems. Only our lord God!

Yuuuuuuuuuuuck! Yuck! Yuck yuck yuck!

I can’t even see how anything with intelligence or sanity would be willing to even act like this. And im starting to use their words like “dammit” i never say dammit! But they say dammit like 500 time a fucking day or 4 years now im saying dammit! I hate this!

What in THIS WORLD IS THIS PREPARING ME FOR?! OR is this another lie? Just like all thos lying ass new agers. “Oh you’re attacked cause you’re a twin flame purging for the colkective and your twin….” ….😔 “oh you’re being attacked because youre a star seed light worker sent to help anchor light in the planet…they want your light juices” 😔 “”oh you’re 144k sent to save humanity” ……. Well folks if thats the case i am failing EPICALLY. So many excuses for this spiritual abuse …….. Now its Gods preparing me …… WHAT THE FUCK DOES DEMONIC RAPE FOR 3.5 FUCKING YEARS STRAIGHT ALL DAY GOTTA TO DO WITH WHATS GOD PREPARING ME FOR? Serious question!

Like this is major shit!

This isn’t oh i didnt get that job. Or oh i did get approved for that car loan. Didnt get into the school i wanted.

This is my life!!! My life force! My soul!

I am being bebased on the daily.

So i see these memes and ME….. Not the voices though im sure they have joined in, im like “YEA RIGHT!” Creating this…… Negativity and slowly possibly animosity towards God because of what is happening. And i feel bad about that too. But im following the logic and demonic rape = preppin for a blessin 😳 im not really seeing the correlation. And its fucking me up to even think like that.

Wonder if this is really my life forever ever? Just laying here being raped by demon to point i dont have energy to go outside or do much. Its so fucked up.

I miss the feeling of my body when i didnt have these demons inside of me. They evwn make my skin or muscles feel tight and im always trying to stretch them out but them comevrigjt back in it pointless.

I just needed to get this out.

😢

Some Truths About My Experience

1. The voices have gradually (i mean really slowly) over 3 years have become lower in volume with or with out medication. It went from a concert amp in my brain to maybe that of conversation level/thought level volume. This included zaps becoming buzzes. Ect. But there are still occasionally the bursts of very loud voices or electrocution.

2. I transended the storyline of Twin Flame. Even when i still didn’t believe it, i made the choice it still played out but it is not as every 5 seconds a thought about my ex like it use to be. Occasionally there might be a thought. Or hey i might bring him up when talking to my friend about relationships. But what these demons where doing was abuse. I rarely react to their negative intrusive thoughts about him. Or how he is better off with out me or how we are suppose to get back together. Or some twisted thought. I feel as though through hard work of the mind and standing my ground in my belief i transended the twin flame game.

3. Targeted Individual. Now the demons kind of started off with targeted individual/thought broad casting/ gang stalking only this was being done more on an astral and semi on a physical plane (if that makes any sense). It started out with my ex and then my coworkers. Then all of new york city and thats when i said this is impossible. Once i quit my job that aspect stopped a bit but i didnt have the language of targeted individual. More recently a started researching it more as i gained more insight and as i did….. Guess what the demons did…. YOU BET! Gang Stalking. More physical this time. So im on the bus or street walking and someone is holding up a cell phone or passes by me and these demons are trying to convince me that they are gang stalkers following me. All they while before that was not on their agenda. But NOW all of a sudden it is. That is how desperate they are for a storyline and a game to play.

As much as i can identify with both Twin Flames and Targeted Individuals i believe i have trancended these points of view and these games of the mind. I was blessed (if we want to call losing everything that) enough to spend a 2 years in almost meditation to really get to the bottom of why my life was spiraling out of control.

4. What i havent been able to transcend is this alien demon reptilian spirit matrix thing. It is what i see, it is what i hear, dream, feel. Being called vile names all day. It’s a plateau that i have reached. And i desperately want to shake it off like i did the others. I want it to be a lie …… Like the others. What ive seen. I want it to not be true. Seriously.

I know everyone has their unique situation. So they will peel away their own layer and also get stuck at their own plateau. And i hope eventually transcend. But thats what makes it so hard for us to come together ya know? But i respect each persons path only to share mine in hopes they can shed another layer of this bullshit. And maybe help me shed another layer of mine.

This is just such an awkward place to be in. I have my standards. Im standing my ground. Firm. I refuse to lower my standard to just accepting my life with these demons as normal. I will not stop. I will find other ways. I will keep praying. I will strengthen my faith. I will keep researching. Keep being a big mouth. I dont care. Having ghost aliens rise out of my belly and being raped by demons every day is not a normal life. It is not a quality life. And shit there are people who would probably like that shit so i dont know why they are fuxin with me.

I dont need a title of 144k or light worker or a star seed to know i am a decent person who cares about people and the planet. Thats just a lulliby to my tragedy. This shit has to stop. I spoken to tooo many people about this. Way too many people. And those are just people who are open about it. It has gotten out of hand. Thats just our spiritual life. And we expect our reality to change any time soon? When we have innocent people trapped in their homes afraid of everything because the slightest interaction will get them raped or electrocuted by demons? Its out of control. Until we start being honest about our spiritual lives how we going to chang the physical? I pray for my brothers and sisters who are suffering from this i really do. Like actually.

Im trying to keep the faith. Just some random thoughts.

Hearing Voices: Hearing God? 😱

😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳

So……..this is the kind of stuff that really complicates my faith in Christianity. Not so much in God ….. But Christianity.

I am baffled. A a voice hearer. As someone who hears demonic voices. Sees many alien looking demons swimming around in space…… How and when do we know it is truly the voice of God?

We know for a fact that man altered the Bible to during slavery era here in America to brainwash African slave be submissive to their “masters”.

How do we know that the bible was ever altered before for any political gains? And it just wasn’t exposed?

Apparently there are books that were taken out. I know the “book of enoch” was one. I think there were a few others. So ……. This what i mean by i dont trust men with my faith.

It is so hard to navigate this world with what is in my heart. It seems sooo simple and yet…… It is so difficult.

This dude really just said he would rape and kill his own children for God. 😳

So yea……. Like these alien demons had NO problem acting like my grandpa who passed, telpathy with my ex (accurate telepathy too), angels, aliens, goddess Isis, gang stalkers, people on tv, GOD, demons, anything really.

So…… … Im still in shock.

So how does he know it is God and not one of these demon things trying to make him carry out a hanous act? How about a life time in prison?

I’m so confused.

UPDATE:

After some meditation on this sensational post above i realized that this person….. If a true Christian, he should know that God sacrificed is son Jesus so that 1. Our sins would be forgiven and 2. The ultimate sacrifice so no othe sacrifices were necessary.

Saying something like this is ignorant and sensational and triggering to be honest. There are other ways to express your love and faith for God other than raping and killing a thousand children. As well as to prove your point. SMH.

I just dont get peoples mode of thinking really. And I GOTTA BE THE CRAZY ONE!

Struggling with Faith 💔🙏💔

Everytime i get tooo Christian-y i start struggling with my faith more. It get over complicated.

Basically some one commented in my blog (a Christian i pressume) and said there are laws and if i dont follow them i basically deserve what i got.

Which is being shown child porn in my minds eye and raped/molested by demons on the hourly.

Don’t get me wrong im a sinner. But thaaaaat seems a bit extreme tbh. On top of not being able to work because of this, all possessions lost, health deteriorated, extreme physical pain, inability to hold a healthy inimate relationship and being BEYOND confused.

There is a this part in the bible where God allowed the holy spirit to leave Saul and enter David and the Saul was tormented by demons. But never said exactly why. 1 Samuel 16:14: “Now the Spirit of the Lord departed from Saul, and a harmful spirit from the Lord tormented him”. My pastor said it was because he got too big for his britches.

Im trying my best to stay humble. And not upset. I really am.

Trying to grow in Christ and learn….. And messing up and then being left to be raped by these alien demons? Like i couldn’t be just told…. Like hey you messin up in this area.

These demons sure talk all day…. So is it that impossible to talk to me instead of letting me get raped? After already being raped in the physical….. I spend 3.5 years being raped “energentically”.

Im like actually over my vagina at this point. Im so tired of thinking about and feeling it being tortured 24/7.

Im angry. Im being honest. I am hurt.

Like bad people get away with all day everyday. And like im not even bad….. Like i tried to serve humanity and do my best or better each time…. I just fuck up sometimes and i gotta get raped by demons like its a really bad joke.

I dont know what to do with this anger. This feeling of unfairness. Of abandonment.

I feel bad that i feel this way. It brings tears to my eyes that i push them away. Ive cried so much im tired of crying. I want to be simply in love with God. And now things got really complicated.

💔😕

New Age vs. New World Order

I definitely fell into the New Age community because at the time they seemed to have answers for many of the strange experiences i was beginning to have. Seeing sparkles and flashes of light, dreams, “spirit” communication, visions, seeing “angel numbers” all the time 1111 to just name a few. But…… As soon as my experience took a left turn into a schizophrenic nightmare i was called crazy, dark, not of the light, negative ect by people in FB groups. And honestly those are things that me nor most of the people who know me.

I found that this was how many dealt with people in the spiritual community when someone was having a “spiritual crisis” or an entity attack if not that the basic elemantary suggestion of a salt bath and white light was prescribed to remedy the situation.

As i read on many of the posts. I found a great deal of many religious beliefs melded into one. Calling on Jesus and goddesses …. Metaphysically opening of the “third eye”….. Beliefs that the aliens were here to “help us grow and ascend” to the “new earth” or 5D as well as occult stuff.

Is was all one big tangled ball of beliefs. And while i originally come from a mindset of respecting everyones belief (with in reason), i also had a difficult time accepting Christianity as one i WAS queer and two i lost faith in the church when i was a kid when our pastor raped a 14 year old and everyone still accepted him as the pastor. Not to mention wars.

But i have come to terms. I can belueve in Jesus and God and the word and not necessarily be “Christian”. Im ok with that as apart of my current path.

A few problems i have with the New Age is the appropriation of peoples culture and beliefs with out much respect to the actual people. They use dieties and rituals and practices with out any regard to the depth of understanding thst goes behind that. Each symbol, each diety, figure, practices, food, holiday ect.

With that…. Much of the New Agers talk about “all is one, one is all” or “we are all connected” or “the veils are being lifted” …. Promoting telepathy and communication with “the other side”. Most are ok with the lie. The other side of “the veil” is fucking scary! Do you know that. Its absolutely insane and scary. But they are apart of this world. They are everywhere and NO irs not your deceased grandma Sally. Its a demon playing GAMES.

Now all these demons are connected. They have telpathic communication networks of sorts. And so the demon or some call it “a familiar spirit” that has been hanging around you or your family will tell a psychics demons all you want to hear. So you keep playing and paying.

All is one….. The melding of religions and beliefs seems soooooo….. New World Order-ish to me. One world one government one monitary system one belief.

These demons are out here melding belief systems to keep you confused. Half these people do not know what they are playing with. They THINK they are playing with angels but if they revealed their true form you would probably be shocked. And thats the lie! You really think Arch Angel Micheal is speaking to a thousand basic ass bettys on youtube? Right!

They are playing up “the event” and people think the aliens are coming down or a new earth 5d paradise will magically appear. Dudes? Really? If everyone believes this shit just enough….. When that veil actually comes down they can play whatever they want. Aliens, new messiah, ect. They will have officially dooped everyone because everyone believes in everything and we all sitting here confused as shit.

Im done with the game and lies.

You know what a 3rd eye opening is? A demon sucking on your shit feeding you useless visions, dreams, and suggestions. Mind manipulation. And you fell for it. I did too……. Of course i wanna talk to my ancestor or an angel or whatever…… But that aint them!

Just cause you got the bright side of the New Age rainbow doesnt mean your shit aint dark. It means you are naive and gullible.

Keep playing!

Targeted Individuals: 144k : Special? 🙏

I’m probably going to get some shit with this but I’ve ran through enough of the spiritual community and i will say this right now, people are out here playing on trends to get money or fame.

First it was like alien abductions and ghosts like back in the day right, then earth angels, past lives as kings and queens and gods or goddesses…. then lightworkers and indigo children then rainbow crystal children ……. Then it was starseeds alien dna. Then it was TWIN FLAME and holy union and once everyone jumped off THAT shit show of a bandwagon, its then 144k (God’s chosen) ….. And i mean yo! ….. Thats not naming all of the trends. With in the “awakened” community.

I have found that more men seem to be talking about the 144k than say women who spoke about twin flames.

Maybe im not impressed because im a regular degular ….. No special super powers other than a big mouth and some skepticism.

Like everyone running around here wanting to EXTRA EXTRA special. People out here thinking they are straight up prophets because of this 144k trend. But like 2 years ago people swore they were the goddess Isis in a past life….. Or Jesus and longing for their narcissistic twin flame to come into union.

Like dudes have you ever wondered if this is all the Devils LIES to fuck with your mind and inflate your ego?

I dropped COINS on “spiritual services”…… And honestly no one has fixed my situation….. But they took my money that is for sure. They may have UNDERSTOOD my situation being demonically targeted or a twin flame or whatever it is but no one was able to fix it and thats why i went to them. I didnt need a hug….. I needed for my body to stop burning! But these are lightworkers that are suppose to have special powers so why didnt it work?

Honestly the explanation that i heard about the 144k was that it was actually the innocent children that they killed looking for Jesus (here for the video). That made sense to me for some reason. That those children will rise up as like new angels and be in God’s spiritual army. But many think its the rapture of 144k and the current bloodline of the 12 tribes and like souls will be sucked out the body and sent up to heaven. Uuuuummmmm Idk. Im just saying. Children are special and to me it makes sense that the innocent children that were slain in the name of Jesus (Gods son) rise up as angels. But what do i know?

Honestly most of the people out here are DEEP in not just their ego but ALTER EGO. I mean if it gets you through the day to think past life you were Isis or Jesus or an Angel …alien… Ect i mean go for it, but recognize it for what it is. Honestly people always called me an Angel and i let that shit get to my head when these demons were attacking me.

So i am open to being wrong…… I honestly know for a fact these demons will play both sides. God, Devil, Alien, Angel, Goddess, telepathy, Government…… Whatever they can convince and confuse your ass with. Its a slippery slope playing with energies you dont REALLY understand or knowwhat they are. You don’t have the eyes to really see them. And if you do ….. The devil is a lie and illusions are real. I have seen the same beings (negative) turn into bright lights (which i think we associate with good ones) and have seen the same ones turn to the blackest black to hide in a corner. So….. What can you trust?

While I identify with the targeted individual community as a shared experience……. I am having a difficult time saying its because i am a Twin Flame or a Lightwoker or 144k. And i am not that paranoid to think its the government. I mean but if the government wants to watch me wipe my ass all day…… That’s their issue. I just need the dial turned down on the fryer.

A lot of that stuff is distractions from our eyes being on God and giving praise. I am not going to even lie….. Like im seriously struggling feeling stuck in the demonic torture situation and i talk aboit it a lot to cope. But im trying to talk myself out of the ego and the bullshit…. And just want to get back to joy and being of service to humanity and growing in God.

Just saying. Be careful out here. Keep it simple keep it pure.

Happy Sad Girl 😔

So like despite being tortured and depressed…… Im generally a happy person. Like i still manage to appreciate the simple things like a beautiful sunny day or hearing someone laugh. Even though immediately the voices (demonic archons) come in and try to negate it by raping me or showing me child porn in my mind or talking about my ex or saying i want to have sex with my father or that my loved ones are gonna die soon. ……. I mean pick one, any one they will use it to stop me from glowing with a happy thought. But im surprised the happy thoughts still happen and i am still able to smile through it.

I mean generally i am still depressed i dont go out ALOT. Like once a week as opposed to once a month to my doctor. My life is still no where close to where i would like it to be…..

Bit i still enjoy small things. I still have faith in God as confusing as this all is.

Is that raising my vibrations? Is that enough to “ascend”? …. Im trying at least.