“Dark Night of the Soul” is Bullshit πŸƒπŸ’©

This whole concept of “dark night of the soul” is bullshit. At least my version is. 

Life has its ups and downs natrually and yes we gain lessons from it whatever, some times we are lost…. confused, mistake are made whatever. But this concept of the “dark night of the soul”, while it DESCRIBES AN experience it is also spiritually misleading to say you did something to deserve this, or “this is a gift”, you’re turning into lil bitty butterfly to fly away into the astral planes.

Uhm NO, you are being spiritually and psychically abused for no reason AT ALL and you were given a really lame ass excuse fantasy lullaby as to why, called the dark night of the soul. 

SO. You are told to “surrender” MORE, be MORE “healthy”, do MORE yoga, all this “trust the process”, accept the pain and karma and bla bla bla….

NO. You are enough at any given moment. “Learning to surrender” means what? To what? Cause honestly this whole shit was a set up and fuck all of the programs that limit your divine free will! All of them!

FUCK the “Twin Flameβ„’” program (love, lust, heartbreak, relationship, obsession exploitation), FUUuUCK the “Dark Night of the Soulβ„’” (spiritual and psychic abuse) program, fuck “Kundaliniβ„’” (spirit, possession, health) bullshit, fuck the “Conspiracy Theoryβ„’” program (mofos out here trying to find the edge of the earth, aliens that prolly don’t even look like REAL aliens, ghost goblins, government whatever ect). Fuck “Ascencion /Awakening β„’” program (feeling all these crazy “energy”, new earth bs, religious, shamanism, activations, light body “evolution”, empathic, insane 1111 bullshit, “consciousness” bs, “ego death”, past life karma) bla bla bla bla bla. NOPE its all psychological mental, emotional and physical exploitation abusive warfare. No homie you haven’t transcended shit, just jumped from the frying pan into the fire. 

NO, NOPE …. Just no. It’s just prolly possession, which is some “implant” demonic archon program (playing you like video game) you literally possess (have) playing out whether you are aware of it or not. 

Fuck it all….. Fuck “the path“, fuck this fake ass “spiritual journey” bullshit that is meant to control you and make you feel like you’re doing something (wrong or good) with your life. Like your life has no meaning (which is does! And its not to sit here and eat bullshit flakes all day). I mean HEY if you are THAT bored in life be my fucking guest. If you want to take on some bullshit burden of some fake ass past life karma that you know nothing about and has nothing to do with your ACTUAL life, gah head. If that works for you! Won…der. ..ful……. 

All this shit is basically excusing “spiritual violence / abuse” and we want to say as people who want a better earth for ALL, that because someone didn’t get cosmically JUMPED by some demonic archon alien jelly fish thing that they are “spiritually bypassing”, granted some people are just fake ass bitches, but if you want to wear a badge of honor for being spiritually raped and tortures for no fucking reason, cool. Wear your super star 🌟 sticker, I however could and would have done better with out this waste of time. Call me arrogant, but clearly you never had rape simulated on you everyday for two fucking years after being physically raped.

You don’t need it! It’s unnecessary, you don’t need a spirit guide if you are already your best self in each moment. Where are the spirit guides for the rapist?! Fuck fake ass spirit guides too, lying ass mother fuckers, guess what your spirit guides real name isn’t Jim, or Greg or Tiffany or Isis. So already your whole “relationship” is built on a lie! ANY MORE lies you would like to tell your subject JIM?!?

Its a matrix of lies. That’s a truth. That doesn’t make nature any less real or YOU any less human. This is not a “holographic” universe its a holographic bullshit mind matrix that is void of any actual truth or love to confuse and distract the shit out of people frim being their best selves. 

Throat “chakra” game on point cause speak from the heart. Fuck out of here with all this bulshit! And all the lies and manipulation to misdirect and deceive people of the earth!

That’s the new earth!

AH fucking CHOO to all the Bullshit! 

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C R Y I N G πŸ˜’

I did have a suicidal thought just now cause I really really tired of their pedophile tactics aaaaalllll day. And I’m trying to “stay strong” but the Archon Demon Alien dot thing keep saying “If I were you I would commit suicide instead of enduring all this” referring to the pedo child molestor incest rape torture simulation it does. 

Like my friend sent me “love and light” energy today and this was the FIRST time EVER i actually felt love and light energy. It was warm and went into my belly area (where there is an archon) and almost immediately I wanted to be creative and draw or make a poem. Like I’ve spent $3,000 in the last two years on “healers” trying to address this shit and this was the first time I felt something like that. 

So I drew a picture, the archonπŸ’© still harrassed me on my parents TV as I was drawing I ignored it. And immediately after I felt good and satisfied with my drawing and went to lay down and they/it whatever went into a pedo attack flashing images of children and zaping my genitiles and its driving me to my limits.

So yea I said “considering it” (suicide)

Like I try to toughen up …  But then I break down…. Cause I hate it and I cry, and my friend said its good to cry but I hate crying cause they force me cry sometimes for fun and like you can only cry so much. So I write or act like I don’t care now.

 I’ve told them to leave already all day, poking them with sage. Its not listening and what they do to my body is so gross. 

My friend keeps telling me no schiz meds and just hold on cause things are changing. They (archons darkness) have already lost cause people are waking up and can see them, sense them, and see the game. Ect. 

But I just can’t with this pedo shit anymore, nothing is worth this gross shit, super power, ability, love, heaven, 5D earth, getting on the space ship N O T H I N G!!!!! Ever!

😟

You Are Welcome πŸ™

I was practicing a Chi breathing technique on YouTube that a friend sent to me.

I noticed some blocks and add ons but whatever I always notice.

Either way, it talked about creating chi and then bringing it back into the body.

I rememered a moment when this all first started happening and my chest extending out past my shoulders felt like I was opened up. That’s when I first started to feel like I was dying.

I didn’t feel much in my center now, just this tender heart. I figured the entity took all my chi, that’s why all I can do right now is sleep, eat cookies and cry about the world.

The guy talking in the video said that we are “the most powerful free energy devices on the planet”.

So I immediately told the Entity, “you are welcome….” And I meant it. I wasn’t being sarcastic as usual. It was a gift.

I figured that I gave (well it took) my energy to this Entity. I just don’t know how to reve my chi back up yet……

…… Wonder if instead of scaring the shit out of me, disrespecting me, violating, if other entity beings whatever where to be upfront? Maybe we could live peacefully. 

Entity would be like, “Yo I really need this chi, I will make it quick.”

They won’t and… Maybe can’t tell me who or what they are. Maybe I’m too peace loving and just feel like if we just put the truth out there it would easier for all of us and work something out. 

Who knows, maybe I would be like “sure homie, you can have some of this chi love!” And i would just go wipe some more up later.

I can give with out receiving. But I don’t know I just need a bit of honesty.

Who knows maybe chi doesn’t even exists. Maybe I am pulling this out of my ass. Maybe they don’t need all this brain electric goodness or this golden chi.

All I know is, there has to be a better way.

πŸŒΏπŸŒΉπŸ‘€πŸ‘½πŸ™βœŒπŸŒΉπŸŒΏ

Crazy Talks: What I See πŸ‘€

Just jotting down some notes.

I don’t see this on anyone else but myself.

There are two very distinct things I see other than the visions. I see the these circle dots that can divide into multipuls. And I see this vibrating heat wave looking thing that moves in and out of me. Think like a clear slimmer from ghost busters. 

So I was commenting on a post to a lady that says she can remove implants and the slimmer thing shot out of my stomach and my stomach/ back area vibrated trembled and I could see it moving around outside of me. 

Noe occasionally I during the day will get headaches or I will feel the pressure on my head and I will hear almost like a distant train tremble vibration. I think this vibrating clear thing is the pressure I feel on my head, the anxiety, its like its the ….. Emotion and sensation maker. I don’t know if it is a separate entity or controlled. My guess it is controlled. 

Now the circle dot thing seems to be the visions/ dreams/ hallucinations/ Logo maker. But I’m not sure to what extent it morphs and uses light. If I pinch the corners of my eyes I see a circle of light in each corner. Not sure if this is bad or good. But I’m sure it plays its part. I have literally seen visions (waking dreams) fade away into almost a logo (a simple none color emoji vision), I have also seems dreams fade as well. 

So I see this dot thing that was never there before as the cause of the visions. And this energy slimmer thing as the cause of the sensations I feel. 
After it jumped out of my stomach it went for GUESS WHERE you guys??!?? My VAGINA! Of course! My vagina! I felt it go there after it shot out.

I’m really over this Scooby doo mystery. Seriously. 

Super Power β˜ΊπŸ”«

Sooooooo….. I was waking up this morning … Slowly but waking up. I did my Benadryl/Zquil cocktail the day before so I could get a solid 6+ hours of sleep.

So I was in and out of sleep. But generally was OK. So I woke up, and the Entity once again showed me an image of child abuse. There was no reasoning. It wasn’t punishing, it wasn’t related to my dreams, just child abuse for the sake of child abuse …. Because its funny to this Entity.

Not the way I wanted to wake up. 

So basically this Entities super power is being a pedophile?!? 

That was originally how it got me to almost kill myself twice. But I guess it wanted to just flash another vision of child abuse for old times sake.

I’m really getting sick of this shit, and having to “be strong”. There is nothing strong about enduring this. 

While I have finally figured out this was a tactic used by this debased souless Entity demon thing. That doesn’t make any easier, in a way I pretend and act as though it doesn’t bother me in hopes that staying strong and not shedding a tear this thing will go away. But….  I don’t know if it ever will.

Just trying to find peace. 

I Deserve This

Its Demon/ Shadow Entity whatever. Pretty simple …. There is no going back from this. There is no SURPRISE I was your angel spirit guide all along pushing you to what? Quit your job, ruin ever relationship, gain 100lb and sleep all day. There really is no coming back from this on any level. 

There is no prize, The demon tried to encourage me to keep going through the experience because in the end I would get my ex back or, be a better person, or some magical awakening ability. No there is no light at the end of this tunnel. You don’t get a prize for enduring pointless visions of child abuse or feeling like your brain is being sucked through a straw. There is no “upgrade” as we are designed as we should be. And I’m pretty sure any evolutionary changes would be extremely slow or generational. 

I deserve this, I clearly have done something to deserve this. Whether it was being disrespectful to my parents when I was young, being gay (who knows), having to to do sex work to survive, doing a few drugs, I might have borrowed/ stolen a couple things in my life. And while I try for the majority my hardest to be honest, I’ve definitely told some lies in my life. 

There is something I did to deserve this. Known or unknown. Do I feel like the punishment fits the crime, whatever it is….. No. But clearly that doesn’t matter. I did something or a couple of things that warrants demons being unleashed on me…. What they do from there… I guess is up to them and its not about being fair. Or balanced, or even learning a lesson at this point. I can’t even find the lesson in all of this because its just too much torture and confusion. Getting a lesson is for our own sake. It is our way of making peace. There is no prize, no lesson. 

This doesn’t excuse or make up for anything I have done. Enduring this doesn’t excuse what I have done in the past to deserve or contract this. This doesn’t wipe the slate clean. This doesnt purify. There is no lesson. Just abuse. 

There is no new age path, story or fantasy that applies. There is no cure. 

Even if my prayers and wishes came true and this Demon(s) *poof* magically went away, there is always the chance that it will come back and either try to ruin my life or make it even worse when I am down. There is no guarantee that this Demon will never come back and be gone forever.

No one will ever love me with this demon around. 

So it doesn’t matter. Nothing I do matters. 
Broken.

Looking at Stars

I always loved looking at stars. My mom gave me a telescope when I was about 5 and I loved looking at the stars and moon. 

When I would later go camping on the beach with my dad I would stare at the stars in the dark sky away from all of the city lights.

I use to stay up late to watch the star guy at night….. What was his name…. Hold on. … Jack Horkheimer’s Star Gazers on PBS. I use to watch that so I could point out all the stars in the sky. 

I remember there was the Seven Sisters star cluster that you could only see them if you did look directly at them. And I finally saw them which means you have pretty good vision.

In a way this ability to point out stars has also allowed me to see “energies” or whatever in my field. So when I close my eyes and see blue swirls or red sparks or whater while its unfortunately has been associated with this entity, I have also sharpened my skill in viewing one layer of what’s around me “energetically”.

Almost like star gazing inside…… Only WAY more scary.

Reason + Relief + Remedy?

I wish I had answers for this experience. Reasons…… Or a remedy.

The world is so confused. Bad guys profit…. Good guys get discouraged. 

I mean people are in forums saying Jesus is Lucifer. Its like wow.

We are just so confused looking for answers to the lies we have been told or reasons why clear solutions in our society have yet to be enacted.

I know I am more confused now than ever. Someone in a forum said all “LightWorkers” are Lucifatians … And must be approved by Lucifer. 

K. 

Mean while, many light workers work in the name of God and Jesus and or many other deities. So….. If they thought their lives work/mission or ability was genuinely bestowed upon them by God and not Lucifer, how does that work out?

I am in a few groups only because that is where I can find people who have similar experiences as mine. So maybe I can understand it better or find ways to relieve it or cope. Otherwise I would be going about my life and personal mission/goals. 

So. Its strange. It’s just so confusing when it really doesn’t need to be. 

Can you imagine what we could get done in the world and with in ourselves if we were able to get over blockages? We weren’t so confused about the details and who benefits the most?

I still have faith in humanity…. 

I realize that a lot of my doomy out look is because this Demon Entity Voice won’t shut the fuck up and leave already. So I am unable to fully access my joy and be myself with out being rudly interupted at every precious moment. 

I’m growing impatient with myself. With this message 24/7 non-stop experience. I mean even some of the others I have spoken to don’t have it ALL DAY even in their dreams. Like usually there is a trigger or a period of time…. Random. But ALL DAY and night conscious or sleeping.

Its insane. I surprise I can function even at this level. 

This Entity Experience

This experience is/was such a waste of my time, life, money and relationships.

Like this mutha fuka comes stepping in and because I didn’t know any better I lost 2+ years of my life I worked so hard for.

Coming out of being a homeless youth…. Trying build a career and pay my bills…. Trying to do what’s right….. All to end up 100lb heavier, laying in my parents house with some disgusting demonic Entity that won’t shut the fuck up.

Shit is so fucked up.

Like how much love and light is one suppose to cultivate while you are being shown visions of child abuse? 

I was all sunshine before this shit popped up out of nowhere.

So fucked up. Its like it doesn’t even matter how much you try. How good you try to treat people or improve yourself.

Some Entity fucker is gonna come in and wreck your shit for eternal shits and giggles.

As much as I try to have patience …. I’m loosing it. And its making me even more upset when I read about other folks being spiritually attacked. And even MORE upset with everyone running around trying to make money off of something that they barely understand. Least not enough to get rid of mine.

So over this bullshit. I’m tired of this Entities voice, I’m tired of its games, I’m tired of its sick twisted thoughts, I’m tired of it physically abusing me (black outs, energetic rape), I’m tired of its opinions, I’m tired of its visions, I’m tired of people who don’t know what the fick they are talking about, I’m tired.

I’m tired of fucking sleeping and not seeing the light of day.

Its bullshit. Its all fucking bullshit.

Shit needs to go back where ever the fuck it came from.