Relatable Content: “It’s Above me now.”

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Some Truths About My Experience

1. The voices have gradually (i mean really slowly) over 3 years have become lower in volume with or with out medication. It went from a concert amp in my brain to maybe that of conversation level/thought level volume. This included zaps becoming buzzes. Ect. But there are still occasionally the bursts of very loud voices or electrocution.

2. I transended the storyline of Twin Flame. Even when i still didn’t believe it, i made the choice it still played out but it is not as every 5 seconds a thought about my ex like it use to be. Occasionally there might be a thought. Or hey i might bring him up when talking to my friend about relationships. But what these demons where doing was abuse. I rarely react to their negative intrusive thoughts about him. Or how he is better off with out me or how we are suppose to get back together. Or some twisted thought. I feel as though through hard work of the mind and standing my ground in my belief i transended the twin flame game.

3. Targeted Individual. Now the demons kind of started off with targeted individual/thought broad casting/ gang stalking only this was being done more on an astral and semi on a physical plane (if that makes any sense). It started out with my ex and then my coworkers. Then all of new york city and thats when i said this is impossible. Once i quit my job that aspect stopped a bit but i didnt have the language of targeted individual. More recently a started researching it more as i gained more insight and as i did….. Guess what the demons did…. YOU BET! Gang Stalking. More physical this time. So im on the bus or street walking and someone is holding up a cell phone or passes by me and these demons are trying to convince me that they are gang stalkers following me. All they while before that was not on their agenda. But NOW all of a sudden it is. That is how desperate they are for a storyline and a game to play.

As much as i can identify with both Twin Flames and Targeted Individuals i believe i have trancended these points of view and these games of the mind. I was blessed (if we want to call losing everything that) enough to spend a 2 years in almost meditation to really get to the bottom of why my life was spiraling out of control.

4. What i havent been able to transcend is this alien demon reptilian spirit matrix thing. It is what i see, it is what i hear, dream, feel. Being called vile names all day. It’s a plateau that i have reached. And i desperately want to shake it off like i did the others. I want it to be a lie …… Like the others. What ive seen. I want it to not be true. Seriously.

I know everyone has their unique situation. So they will peel away their own layer and also get stuck at their own plateau. And i hope eventually transcend. But thats what makes it so hard for us to come together ya know? But i respect each persons path only to share mine in hopes they can shed another layer of this bullshit. And maybe help me shed another layer of mine.

This is just such an awkward place to be in. I have my standards. Im standing my ground. Firm. I refuse to lower my standard to just accepting my life with these demons as normal. I will not stop. I will find other ways. I will keep praying. I will strengthen my faith. I will keep researching. Keep being a big mouth. I dont care. Having ghost aliens rise out of my belly and being raped by demons every day is not a normal life. It is not a quality life. And shit there are people who would probably like that shit so i dont know why they are fuxin with me.

I dont need a title of 144k or light worker or a star seed to know i am a decent person who cares about people and the planet. Thats just a lulliby to my tragedy. This shit has to stop. I spoken to tooo many people about this. Way too many people. And those are just people who are open about it. It has gotten out of hand. Thats just our spiritual life. And we expect our reality to change any time soon? When we have innocent people trapped in their homes afraid of everything because the slightest interaction will get them raped or electrocuted by demons? Its out of control. Until we start being honest about our spiritual lives how we going to chang the physical? I pray for my brothers and sisters who are suffering from this i really do. Like actually.

Im trying to keep the faith. Just some random thoughts.

Twin Flame Be Like: Dance

I only identify with Twin Flame as a part of my story. I dont believe my ex is my actual twin flame as the demon voices really wanted me to believe. They wanted me to be obsessed with him and in pain …. Heartache. And i aint got time for that. The demon alien assholes fucked with the wrong chick.

BUT i am emo and i love aft culture and relatable content i donhave a sense of humor. So this choreography felt relatable to the twin flame thing for me when ibwas going through it so i wanted to put it here.

Enjoy it either way.

Last Nights Nightmare

So last night my friend went to the hospital for stomach and back pains. I am try hard not to attribute it to acute spiritual attack by these demons. She said she suddenly feels like she has no energy and of course she that’s what Demonic attacks feel like. But at the same time she has taken on a large t of school work and a new relationship and is a single parent. That’s why I help with watching my Godson so she can be a bit mobile a make it to NA meetings once a week as a part of her recovery.

Either way I trying my hardest not to trip and think any thing is my fault. That my mere existence and my presence has a negative impact when I’m trying my hardest to have a positive one. These demons have choice in who they go to next. It is not random clearly. It’s their choice not mine.

So last night I randomly took a a light box photo of myself while watching Jessica Jones on Netflix’s. A light box photo is this app that les you take photos in night and makes the photo sensitive to light. Basically it’s an EMF photo. I’ve posted a few before you can check out my media gallery (if you know how to I don’t). I won’t post the photo publicly because the I’m embarrassed a bit but if you want see the photo privately I will show you just message me. My fried said the ok lol very clear like reptilians.

That is how serious this photo is. Basically energetically (emf) it’s a mans face overlaying over my face to the point you can’t see my face. And above my head is a shadowy figure with its hands over my ears and the man and the shadow figure look connected through a cord of such. It is FREAKY.

It made me upset. Because I recognized this “mans” face from other times he has tried to scare me and even dreams. I’m not sure what his problem is or why he is here. He is around but doesn’t come into the picture frame often. And I guess cause I caught him on camera that might of upset him to scaring me a bit.

So my friend put on white noise “soothing sound of rain” to go to sleep and Soon as she went to sleep they started to go to town with talking really loud about about god knows what but kept calling me an idiot for about 5 or 10 mins before I got up to go smoke a cig. Then when I move I got hit with a huge light blue energy ball like I heard, it felt, saw it. It was like a little mini explosion light when gas catches fire. I never felt anything like that before. I just kind of stayed put for a few minutes before getting up again to see if it was going to happen again.

Everything is so strange. I felt fear for the first time in a while. I was also upset. Upset that some MAN (could have been a mantis entity being in a mask, yea I know sounds crazy but I’ve seen beings wear masks before) fucking face was over my face where my face should be. So soon as I got angry they were able to trade that for fear by talking over the white noise and sounding really human like.

Just not a good night over all. And the meds suck. I feel more agitated and irritated than usual.

Energy Healing & Entity Removal Work

It’s so funny whether i pay or not. Pay a little or a lot. Amateur or seasoned professional. These healers have all gave me an excuse (usually throwing something i told them in my face) as to why their healing session did not get rid of this fucking disgusting voice/ entity like they said it would. No refunds either. Not even a thought or a kind gesture of any kind. I mean regaurdless of my story or belief system, if they have a service they should be able to just pluck that sucka out like the ticks that they are. Right? My whole blog is dedicated to how much i hate this situation and trying to keep whats left of my sanity in tact. And some fake ass healer had nerve to say I have stockholm syndrome and i am in love with the abusive entities. I’m glad everyone out here telling me what I AM including the entities and NOT doing what they need to be doing which leaving (entities) or removing (healers).

It is really disheartening.

So many people willing to call Christianity a con but New Age is a con job too. Maybe even worse as they offer themselves as the alternative to religion with so many paid services. I mean if i cant help someone i would just tell them and tell them why or my limitations ect so they know its not shade.

I know these people arent malicious. And maybe they drink their own kool-aid. But the placebo effect, if you will, is not working on me. I was in a life or death situation with these demons. And all i could really do is hunker down in my bed for a year or two and just take the beating and spiritual, energetic, astral, etheric, cosmic, whatever abuse. For reasons I really don’t know, because these demons lie all day. So idk what the truth is really. And if some “healer” is channeling any information from them they will only be cyphering lies.

This is so frustrating!

I need to talk to management! Shit is out of hand! 😔

Hearing Voices: “You Will Never Be A Mother”

So another aspect to this whole “you’re a child molester” thing, is that once I settled on the fact that my father didn’t do anything to to me (because when this came up I actually started to question it) the voices went on to say I was suffering and being tortured like this to be a mother. 😳 YES gurl! These bastards said this was a test to be a mother. When I went to some bullshit shaman lady here in NYC a white lady practicing Peruvian shamanism (no shade) she asked the spirit Entity why were they harassing me they said showed me a star and a baby.

They then later started harassing me more saying “you will Neeeeeeever be a mother!” All this stuff right? Still playing out and calling me a child molester as well. As well as the twin flame play at me. They threw the whole book at me all at once in a short period of time. Which has its pros and cons. Pros I spent less time peeling the layers of bullshit back and cons it physically took a toll on me to have that much energy sent my way. It was not gentle at all.

As I said in my blog before being queer, marriage and children were never really I guess sight for me. Just love and happiness. Ya know? With a partner. But now I guess switching more to the heteronormative world is that something I’m suppose to take on?

I was always ok with being a really awesome Godmother/Aunty to my Godson. I think every kid needs an adult outside their parents that they can confide in and give them really cool gifts and advice. 😃 My aunty was the coolest of them all. She influenced my taste in culture and arts. Always encouraging my talent in arts and giving me resources to do so. Even buying my art as a kid. Her home was impeccable. So as someone with PCOS and is/was queer, actually having children just was not at the forefront of my mind.

And honestly still isn’t. I mean the only thing I really think about is how can I get rid of these demons and how can I cultivate more joy/ move forward in my life while they are here? That’s really the only things.

So each time I kind of denounced a part of the Entities game play they flipped for something worse. 1. Twin flame, I was the Isis to his Osiris and to wait the rest of my life for my ex to come back and be energetically abused and raped by him? No thank you! 2. Suffer for making my father seem like he sexually abused me at the age of 3 years old and be called a child molester all day long (which he didn’t do and wasn’t my fault)? 👎🏼NOPE that doesn’t make much logical sense on the karma wheel! 3. Be called a child molester, while being raped and shown child porn in my 3rd eye to the brink of suicide as a test to see if I am equipped enough to have a star seed child?! I remember saying NO THANKS having a kid isn’t worth this sick torture please stop! And that’s where I step the fuck out of the New Age forum and go the fuck to “sleep”.

Yeaaaaa……….. the enemy (entity) will flip that script so many times you will not know where you are anymore in life or spiritually.

Just yesterday I had a guy tell me that I had Stockholm syndrome with the Entities. 😞 Gurl! He told me all of this because I told him his energy healing didn’t work. Stockholm syndrome is when you are in love with you captor. I’m not in love in the slightest. I’m not even really intrigued really. I am just using the coping mechanisms that have found that works for me writing and drawing and occasional research and documenting my struggles as a form of activism.

I had like two friends yesterday one by email and my best friend tell me that I need to stop researching and looking for answers and live my life. And I want to. I was minding my own fucking business living my best life when I was attacked on a level you wouldn’t believe. When I say loud I mean they were like concert amp loud in my brain. My brain was fucking HOT. For months!

It’s only this year did things calm down a bit. And as to why I can’t attribute it to one thing. It’s def not the meds or the healing sessions I had. I would say it was my belief system. Or the peeling away the storyline. They still are trying to create a storyline with my best friend. Like us getting into a fight cause they want me not to be around her anymore because I’m more happy andmore social now. But whatever I’m going with the flow I can’t stop shit only how I handle it and document it.

Hearing Voices: Comment to a Newbie on Types of Voices

It really depends. There are many ways to hear voices.

In you head: thoughts. Also known as “intrusive thoughts”, the voice will often be at a more moderate volume. Talking to thought or even subconscious volumn. This the one that i have found running the show even though its NOT the mind you know yourself to be. Not your inner voice.

Ambient Voices: Will normally come off of consistant sounds like a fan or an air conditioner or running water or white noise. Usually these voices will be long and drawn out and repeat themselves over and over. Saying something like “who are you!” Or “fuuuuuuuuuck yooooooou” or just plain screaming as an example over and over.

Non-Ambient voices: can vary. They can sound like people you know. They can sound like people on tv. They are usually very direct. And usually not very long. May sound like a conversation between a couple/many different people about you, which will cause paranoia or other delusions.

(Later Added) Voices Overlay: Essentially a Voice overlay is when someone said something specific but the voices said OR made you belive something else was said. It can possible be as simple as “do you want go?” To “do you believe in God” furthering any religious or prosecutory delusions. Go / God being the words flipped. Overlays can be as simple as that or can be even more complex sentense structures. It’s really about observing.

Another tactic the voices use is Highlighting Words. So say you are listening tonthe radio like you normally do and you hear the same ads you always do this time the voices highlighted the word “STOP” in a commercial. Causing anxiety in your body and wondering if it actually means something. Usually the voices will see what you come up with letting you do all the work. Dont fall for the trick.

So best practices is to is to remain calm, if you are not sure what someone is saying ask again. Most often the voices are not telling the truth and if they are they are using the same logic you are. They often highlight trigger words to get you worked up. I often use subtitles of movies and read the lyrics to music to make sure what i am listening to. Also journaling anything that is popping up thought words idea so that when you do go to speak about it it wont sound all over the place. As well as speaking with a therapist if you can find or afford a good one.

Another tip is to get to the root. So i might hear “you will never be a mother” it may seem random at the time but maybe 5 mins before walking down the street i smiled at a baby. Also a deeper root is that i have PCOS so it may be harder for me to get pregnant even though i never tried. Scanning for the root as to why the voices are harrassing you in such a manner is may help ease your mind. It is also a part of Carl Jung’s Shadow Work which is not as mystical as it seems lol. Just google or find a tutorial youtube for more info.

Learning to eventually let the voices harrasment roll by is the goal. For now. Emilination is the ultimate goal but baby steps in the healing and recovering process.

🙏✌