Waiting Lines…..

“Everyone’s saying different things to me different things to me.”

Through the “twin flame” journey or better described “false twin flame trip”, something that resonated was “stand your ground”.

It wasn’t until then was I able to stop only some of the madness. I figured out it wasn’t “telepathic” communications with my ex (false twin flame). Or some “blessing” to bring us back together. It wasn’t fate, or angels or God.

As much as I wish it was, at least it wouldn’t have made felt less pointless. But I said I don’t want anything in return for this nasty torture. I didn’t want to marry my ex “nothing was worth” the implanted thoughts. I just wanted it to stop.

So I stopped. I physically and emotionally and mentally just huffed and sat my ass down and stopped everything. Gave up everything. Kept it simple, my faith in God although I can’t say I wasn’t unwavering at times and upset.

And I tried to stand up to my attackers the best way I know how. First with curiosity, then love and compassion cause I thought that’s what Jesus would do, then with fury and cussing them out almost every moment of every day cause I was tired of the nasty thoughts. They manipulated any course of action to position themselves in a place of authority and power.

And now I’m somewhere between ignoring and cussing. I used art and writing as a way to help myself and maybe others.

I tried to help others and be of service and I’m not saying that to boast just list the things I did in the meantime.

I’m just tired.

I don’t know what to do anymore. My hands are even curse. There are astral parasites intertwined around them making it difficult to draw like I was when I started.

So considering I gave up mostly everything, GOD what do I do while I wait? I’m a slow learner, but I go deep. I can be a fast learner too. But when it comes to spirituality I prefer to take my time never saw the rush. But now……. I just can’t take it anymore.i can barely make it a 1/4 a block with out feeling weighed down by the astral Entities. This isn’t about my motivation. There is coffee for that.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. Any effort I make is blocked by some astral curse. I have proof I’m not crazy PHOTOS that this is really happening….. to me and many. And I don’t know what to do.

God what do you want me to do in the mean time??!!? And how do I know it’s you and not the demons!?


Ori vs Akasha 🌟

According to Wiki “Ori (Yoruba), or known as OrΓ­ in Latin America, is an Orisha and metaphysical concept.

Ori, literally meaning “head,” refers to one’s spiritual intuition and destiny. It is the reflective spark of human consciousness embedded into the human essence, and therefore is often personified as an Orisha in its own right. It is believed that human beings are able to heal themselves both spiritually and physically by working with the Orishas to achieve a balanced character, or iwa-pele. When one has a balanced character, one obtains an alignment with one’s Ori or divine self. It is also believed that Ori be worshiped like Orisha. When things are not going right, Ori should be consulted. And to make things right Ori should be appeased. This is because whatever one becomes or whatever happens in one’s life is as destined by Ori.”

This came across my screen tonight after a friend mentioned this about his artwork. “Ori” reminded me of “Akasha Aether” which I just learned about Friday.

Essentially “head” energy.

Akasha Aether seems to be even more allusive than Ori in definition maybe because it’s so individualized and personalized.

In the YouTube video on The Secret of Ether’s at time 12:00 Doug Gabriel goes on to say the Akasha although a eastern concept is basically “Christ Consciousness”. Essentially, your consciousness is elevated with in Christ. Christ is both worshipped and consulted and so essentially Christ could be considered an Ori (maybe πŸ˜³πŸ˜±πŸ€”πŸ˜•) maybe I am pushing it?

The comparison is not meant to be disrespectful, but actually respectful of how beautifully different our cultures are and how shockingly similarly some concept eventually meet along the road.

I know what Christianity did to Yoruba and how Europeans used the gospel to excuse their unforgivable acts on a people, but at the heart I can not at that is the bases of Christianity. If anything based on my little bit of knowledge Christianity is about Freedom! Liberation!

Unfortunately it is Hooomans that give it a bad name. And these demons are doings a pretty good job at distorting it conceptually as well with religious delusions and distortions.

So we have a ways to go before we reach Christ consciousness as a whole collectively. That meaning mastery of ones self, that meaning one with God and law which means respect for ALL. That means everything!

As someone outside of Christianity or Ifa (Yoruba) or other “spiritual” belief systems that what ever would have been considered an Ori, an outside force or energy, that because I have no original origins or beliefs this possibly upset the “Ori”.

I’m for shizzle not a Satan worshiper. I thought Spirit/ancestors where to be respected. Angels much appreciated. God and Christ loved and praised.

Someone told me I have a “negative guide” but I’m unsure where I would have gotten that from. Is it because I have no fixed origin “bitsa” (a word the entity wrote in a few of my photos) that I confuse the Akasha energy or Ori which makes this process way more painful than it should?

If that is the case, wouldn’t my love for culture and knowledge be a check mark? Or the fact I try to see where concepts meet. Honestly never in my adult life did I bridge so many gaps together SO FAST and STILL not have the answers I am looking for. How? WHY?!?!!!!! Who are you?!

Just pondering life and why it is the way it is. These aren’t facts just the inner thoughts of some random woman on the internet. 😚

Compassion during Deliverance and Repentance πŸ™πŸΌ

I want to first state that I know I jump all over the place. Yes I see reptilians shadow people alien stuff astrals, yes I believe in God and Jesus, yes yoga and meditation is good for the body, psychology is cool but has is limits just as anything else. I will always believe in love, but currently that is not my state of being for one reason or another. New age help me but only go me so far but also shunned me as well like most religions “vibe shaming”.

I can see across spectrums of culture and religion. And this for me is see how similar we are or appreciated difference. But God comes first, God created us, we are his works so I always saw it as observing how beautiful and diverse God allowed us to be….

With this said, a good friend of mind sent me a video on deliverance. I listened to them and as a queer person it made me uncomfortable. But I just gave it to God. They talk about the “gay demons”, and so forth and well I guess it kind of offends me a bit even tho I haven been in a queer relationship in over 4-5 years. But I give it to God. I know in the Bible a town was destroyed because of the perversion happening. But I always wondered if it was because those men were cheating or rape…..

Either way, giving it to God mean I don’t know. Lol. I don’t! I wasn’t there! And man has used and changed the Bible before to fit there agenda. Slavery being one of them and how colonizers rewrote the Bible (like BIG major no no sin) to keep slaves docile. Pardon if I don’t trust “man”.

I mean in the spiritual groups today people STILL trying to figure out what “yet ye are gods” me little g gods or big G Gods, and everyone wants to be a God….. and I just wanted to be in Gods favor.

So, repentance……. deliverance…….

So I thought about demons as programming. In some new age writing you will read about “releasing that which no longer serves us”.

Side note: the word “release” which means let go also means to “renew”. So….

Demons as living programming/viruses in our organic natural state. And so it is our job to work on the virus as we would any other situation.

I mention compassion because like a virus you don’t always pick it up because you doing something bad. We live in a world that full of them clearly. None of us are dodging demons or curses like a Jedi. I mean I was just chilling in a cab on third ave and pick up a different entity. So! Ignorance AND our lack of compassion will be our greatest downfall.

I’ve also tried “compassionate depossession” for the Entities that did not work as well. Lol

But for the human, usually unaware and ignorant blaming them for EVERYTHING will not assist in the healing but only create new openings for new programs/virus/demons.

Of course we must be accountable for who we are and what we have done. BUT that individual will know deep inside where the demon may have entered their life. It’s a painful process of purging.

So you masterbated a lot, what are you going to do now? Continue or challenge that program/demon and not let it act out in your body?

I will be honest and say religion and repentance scare me a little bit. Sooooo much is on faith.

Currently I’m in a very mental state and not my heart so it makes sense. I guess the condemnation of a person during repentance feels icky to me. I guess I’m just use to being in joy about God.

I know we are supposed to love or forgive EVERYONE and forgiveness takes time and understanding and healing. Usually we can not do that in the conditions we were abused in so asking us to immediately forgive is pointless.

But healing is necessary. On going daily practice of awareness in the mind body and heart. This can also go for deliverance and repentance. But these videos give an idea of HOW these demons can twist and distort the purest thing. So if love can become lust or nutrition, gluttony why wouldn’t the same apply to same sex couples?

In the video below this particular minister speaks of “religious demons” so demons that act like God distorts gods word image ect all to lead a person probably into no belief at all. MANY schizophrenics actually suffer a lot from religious delusion even if they aren’t religious. So many schizophrenics end up just not dealing with religion because it’s too much along with the delusions. So they are lead astray towards no faith.

So, where did these demons come from?

These demon programs condemn the person and keep them in a state of guilt and shame. Like a virus. Keeping them from their natural state of being and thus “blessings”.

So in conclusion the individual must stay accountable for actions and thoughts while balancing the fact that they were also duped and taken advantaged of. That IS the reality in some cases. So compassion for the individual who has been spiritually abused is needed in these cases no condemnation.

🌈Pride: Stand Before God

Parents kicked me out because I was gay at 19.

I worked hard to heal that during my adult life.

I was lucky enough to have found the love of my life my soul mate (trans man not my false twin flame). I thought we would get married some day when it was legal. We would fantasize about a peacock wedding. I would be the albino peacock and he the blue. And the cake would have the two peacocks on top with the feathers swirling around the cake tiers in details. Sooo yea…… anyway……

I felt against the world because people at my job would say sly comments about gay people.

I said to myself, if it is truly a sin I would stand before God, because I felt that our love was true love.

Soon after maybe 6 month my soul mate told me he was poly an had been repressing it and wanted to see other people. We broke up.

I was devastated. πŸ’”πŸ’”πŸ’”

This is the person I had thank God for. Who I literally thanked his mother for giving birth to him like a weirdo. The person I was willing to carry on my back so we can make it together. Who I was putting my soul on the line before God, because our love didn’t feel like a sin it felt like true love, it wasn’t of the flesh it was a partnership and the world was telling me I was a sinner or nasty because of it.

And then……. he left me………

Sooooo………… I was wrong.

And now I’m taunted by demonic voices, for pride month, as I try to grow in my faith, and they say I got this because I am gay……..NOW. Two years later!

Before they said it was because of my ex (false twin flame and cis male). Then they said i was “paying for my father” (whatever the fuck that means). But NOW it’s because I’m a queerdo.

I love people based on how I feel and give people a chance but apparently that’s not working out in my favor either. I will always be queer but I’m also nothing. I don’t care about the label.

At best an an asexual amoeba at this point because schizophrenic demonic possession got me like WHOA!

I just feel like shit now.

It’s a soft spot for me cause I already lost so much for being gay.

Now possibly Gods favor. I love God. So you know.

I never thought like this until these nasty Demonic voices showed up after my false twin flame. I hate it. It’s so confusing and painful.

I’m use to pulling myself up out of slumps and I just can’t with this I’m literally being energetically shot if I make any sudden moves towards positive change.


Anti-Christ Energy 🌿☠️🌿

I feel like generally this energy is Might be Anti-Christ energy. I just wonder because it tries to convince me is God and Jesus so many time and more so when it’s often but the “hallucinations” or 2D/3D ish drawings are of mainly like a Mantis and a Reptilian and Parasites with some really really good costumes.

So what I see is reptilians and what they trying to tell me is religious and how they are treating me is like shit and nothing is adding up and I know the devil is a lie.

This is why so many schizophrenics end up loosing faith completely or becoming extremists.

I feel like this is anti-Christ energy, yes it’s light has abilities but is NOT clean or clear energy.

It’s confusing, it’s draining, harmful.

So many of us who were trying to “raise our vibes” whatever the FUCK that means we’re punched in the face with this energy. And many did not have the tools to get back up.

Raising MY vibes means being unapologetically ME while in the awareness of self improvement. This include how God wants me to grow and unfold as an individual. Not being someone else’s version of me or them.

With God to my understanding there is no confusion. This experience has been very very very confusing and scary and dehumanizing.

So all these people are experiencing this energy most arescared out of their minds but dealing, some petrified and in a catatonic state which is unfair, and some are having fun in the delusion.

Either way the Anti Christ might me a human but it also might be an energy cast on the earth to confuse us….. lure us into Satan’s net.

The Beings Made Bets on my Faith

I got tired of calling them Entities.

Either way the demon entity beings make bets on my life all day….. down to what I eat.

Even recently it took me some time to realize there was a demon in my kitchen trying to control what I eat cause they were making bets and when one of them looses they become really aggressive.

So I think I didn’t listen to one and then every time there after every time I went into the kitchen I started coughing and getting nauseous out grossed out by food or I wanted to pass out one time when I was trying to help do the dishes for my mom and I had to stop. This is all one or two days after. Then I realized how dirty and disgusting they are and how they play.

They would make me feel ill or wrap me in etheric parasites JUST to win a bet! And I’m over here crawling around my housing wondering WTF! This has happened so many times when I didn’t realize. Once told me not to eat my moms food and I did anyway and I was the only one who started projectile vomiting. So fuck these Entities.

So what do they get when they win a bet? Get to feast on my energy first? Points? Hell money?

Early on when this first started 2016 these demons said my mom hired my ex to turn me more Christian. “Meet my maker”. I guess energetically. Idk….. I was loosing my shit at the time. So yea you can see why.

I recently realized it was a bet between the beings to mock my faith. They have no faith so they don’t care.

Forcing me to be “more Christian” was about controlling ME and over me. It took me to see this because I kept trying to reconcile this and understand why the same demons who tortured me into suicide were also condemning me and trying to make me more Christian but then keep me from going to church or enjoying church or reading the Bible. It is insane …….. like they are.

My faith remains either way but I don’t like the way this feels. I take my time with growing in my faith.

But essentially this is their story at this point not mine. They choose to reveal themselves….. they choose to do what they do me.


Monkey Mind πŸ™‰πŸ™ˆπŸ™Š

“Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil”

I heard about the “monkey mind” here and there in reference to meditation. I think I just assumed it was the normal “thoughts” when you are trying to meditate and your mind loops “make sure to do this or that , hmm I want coffee after this, my back hurts, ect” ….. very rarely I would get a random image.

After being attacked the loops became more subtle the visions more often and it was all with the goal of mind control. One thing the quote above doesn’t mention feeling. Often burns and pinches and buzzing and electrocuted….. feeling raped … either end ….. held down or harnesses or cuffs. Like someone held my hand or kisses me. There where a lot of feelings and then SUGGESTIONS by the Entities as to what those feelings were or what they meant or what they symbolized.

But essentially it was all a lie.

Where I thought there was a ring on finger was probably a astral parasite placed there by an Entity. The harness that forced me to sit up straight and was part of their “domination” fantasy was probably also a bunch of astral parasites wrapped around my body, because the wanted to “teach me how to be a lady”.

So I hear, see, feel, but TRY not to speak evil, although it is spoken to me…… lies. Lie after lie after lie after lie.

The monkey mind is real but I have a house party going on and I don’t know why or how to stop it even if I keep an “empty” mind, they just fill it…… with nonsense….. none stop talking about stuff that makes no sense. Stuff from tv in a different room, mixed with the title of an email from a week ago sealed with their normal sexual perversions. So I’m observing the babbling and occasionally will be like HUH? But will go back to just trying to an “empty mind” or pretending it is or just not engaging the Entities since they are completely insane.

There was a certain amount of monkey mind I agreed to or I thought was normal. The to do lists the getting things done ya know and then when the attacks happened and the house party happened I wasn’t totally aware what was truly MY internal dialogue.

There are spiritual concepts of “expanding consciousness” and I often wonder what is that? What or who or how is “consciousness” being expanded? Is this just another lie? Another trick to agreeing to allowing our bodies to being used until they can’t anymore.

I honestly don’t even see how these Entities can continue…… I can barely move some days. Again if I take a photo I can see ways in which I have been probed with their parasites and toy and tools and whatever else they use to do what they do.

I KNOW I’ve tried my best from many angles and I know I gotta be “patient”. But being stuck in the house because I don’t want these Demonic Entities to use little random children for pedophile shit in my mind is such a GRIM existence and I’m not sure if what I am waiting for will ever arrive. And I hear of so many schizophrenics who are stuck in the house for one reason or another for most of their life.

I once said something to the extent “It’s not how long you wait it’s what you do in the moments you wait.” This was to touch on being patient and intentional. But the things I would normally do in the “moments that I wait” I can’t engage in. I can’t go to the gym or farmers market …. lay out in a park for hours….. just take it easy until that next phase of life happens.

I don’t know how to cope or deal or heal with this one. All I have is faith that the demons are trying so hard to take away or condemn me for when I don’t have the perfect answer.

Big Deep Breaths! 🐨

Unawakened Father


Ok so I wanted to document in my blog how these DEMONS are trying to play me. And I really don’t know what to do. I made the best decision I could granted my Demonic situation and I really don’t know what else to do to DEESCALATE the situation and TURN UP because I know that’s what’s these DEMONS want.

So. (Big deep breath) my father watches porn. I don’t care that my father watches porn. I mean up until 6 years ago I did too but I stopped. I’m not going to porn shame although I hold mixed feelings all together. Shaming others is not the way. Be it the industry or consumers. But yea….. all beside the point.

Point is. My “room” is an enclave with a sonji screen so privacy is so a minimum all it fits is a bed. I try to remain thankful although the loud noises and TVs can really make me want to run.

So my father normally does his work at the kitchen table about 6 to 8 feet from my enclave and because I am awakened at 3 or 4am every fucking night no matter the Benadryls I am normally awake when he leaves.

At first I would make him coffee and a kind gesture if I had the time. And almost felt it was my duty to send him off into the city jungle with a happy toned “have a good day!”. But soon …………. sometime into this ritual I started hearing porn sounds coming from his computer.

First time it was whatever, I laid in my bed motionless as the demons made a huge deal out of this moment and started flashing images of my father penis, or a penis and my father jerking off. And the demons would molest or rape me as the did this all from a moment of moans from porn.

I’ve personally avoided sex scenes in tv shows enjoy (ex: Magicians).

So while I don’t porn shame I do wish I wasn’t around ……. maybe me? I don’t know if I’m being too extra with that. I would rather be asleep and I have tried to knock myself out with 8 Benadryl so I would have to be up at his hour so that the demons can rape me on this incest play.

I wrote my father an email directly to him. Asking him if he could use his tablet and watch porn in his bed room. ” cause no one wants that image of their father” and I tried to keep it none judgmental and more about the fact that the demons harm me. I check his email and I didn’t see it in his email but I know I heard the email notification go off when I sent it.

BUT I think he did it again….. today………. and even if he didn’t the demons are trying to make me think he did so that I turn the fuck up and cause some drama and get my ass kicked out my parents house AGAIN. Like I have to sit there in fear and be molested by god knows how many spirit demons. And I’m tired. I tried to be open and clear and father ignored it and me. And now there’s going to be tension.

This is because the demons for whatever reason want to make me “aunt Joycey“, and I don’t even know what that me at THERE level cause they keep using it as an insult but but my aunts awesome.

There whole thing is that they want me to move to my aunts now and leave my mom who they gave a stroke and a heart attack and my sister a stroke to. And I don’t know why. But I do know they are taking advantage of an awkward situation that I would normally would be able to let go and blowing it up and making me look at my dad differently and really fucked up cause I know it’s not that deep to a man who is unaware and unawake.

I didn’t want to drag my mom into this, cause that’s drama. I didn’t want to mention this again cause drama and I just was hoping he would understand but again it’s already in motion….. it’s already in my head ……. even if he never does again it will loom around will this demon rape me at 5am because my father watched porn. Trying make me run away to my aunt J house?

Yea that’s my life right now.

I am so FUCKED πŸ˜₯

I have no idea what to do right now.

I am seeing the same demon that was on me, on my sister that I know caused her stroke before it got to me……… so ONE thing IS confirmed is these demons can jump from one person to the other. That’s double confirmed for me.

When I actually try to address my schizophrenia or migraines medication this demon jumped to my twin sister who has health issues because she was a premie.

So when I try to “raise my stupid fucking miserable vibes” and try to elevate they literally attach to my sister or stay by her bed sipping on her human juices or whatever it they do to either of us. And that doesn’t mean I’m left alone. That just means I’m left alone by the one that feels like death. The others ones still go in and out and switch off on my body and use parasitic toys and tools to mess with my body.

So this is a fucked up situation. Raising vibration and energy and all that stuff is not what people think it is. Like you can literally get your shit ripped open matter how good your day way or if you’re eating organic or gmo. If that Demonic alien wants to fuck your ass up that’s what’s gonna happen. There are no mantras or binaural beats, or amount of positive thinking that will make it go away.

That is a cognitive, conscious decision that, that being must make on it’s on. I can’t change these beings. Even if it seems like it in one area it’s a lie in another. I don’t have super powers. I will not disillusion myself and say I have any. I can see them like any regular degular ass human can see a ghost, or shadow people, or sparkles or flashes or all the other crazy stuff. I just studies the photos for a while. STUDIED. Which is not super powers.

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!! Other than like tell my family to like move to the middle of the desert or something. And even then!!!!! These things travel!!! So like I’m going to be stalked all my like by a fucking praying mantis, aliens, a reptilians, an army of gecko, trolls and demons? Like What the actual fuck?

You know they got cars? I don’t even got a car…… freaking crazy.

I don’t know what to do! I did what I was suppose do. Try to get better! Medically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically all that stuff, I took their pills to get better, I did the salt baths, whatever and now boom if I try to do good for myself this piece of shit pedophile Demonic alien ass face is going to then go harass my sister.

Now that my sister is involved. And they outwardly threatened my sister for the first time and I put all the pieces together and got confirmation…. I’m not sure what to do anymore.

It’s bleak. Committing suicide doesn’t ensure my sister’s safety if all they wanted was me dead. It doesn’t ensure that I won’t hear their nasty asses anymore. Leaving I’m not sure if it will ensure either of our safety. I’m not sure if it’s just me or if I am picking things up from other people as I become more open. And I’m not sure if becoming more open is a good or a bad thing. But I know it weakened me. I now realize I was taken medication and I thought it worked but it wasn’t…. and they were just acting.

So what actually works?

They are psychos. They feel justified in their actions.

These Demons Gave My Sister a Stroke

Something told me they did. I couldn’t prove it. In 2016 when I started hearing voices 24/7. It was almost night and day. Like soon as it became 2016 BOOM voices 24/7.

I was trying to understand what was happening to me, who sent this voodoo to me ….. why was I hearing my ex’s voice EVERY WHERE….. seeing his name. Then BOOM right before our birthday my twin sister had a STROKE. Too young for a stroke.

I was devastated, I started drinking , I would come home after work and drink and cry all night about my sister in her room. And this was after crying for like 6 months after a breakup.

Then maybe once my sister came back home and I quit my job. I started feeling super heavy. I started getting dizzy every time I sat up. Especially when I would quickly sit up to help take care of my sister. I thought it was the stress. I had perfect blood pressure all my life even in the psyche ward. So a couple months in I started just feeling IT.

I mean I felt the “schiz” stuff before or the Entity rape…. burns head pressure…. but this was different.

I felt sick and worried.

So I got schiz, my sister had a stroke, my mom had a heart attack all in the same year. And I only started seeing how these Entities work in 2017. How they attach to the body where what why ….. so I’m really over this.

Even as I write this they attacked me started almost making me pass out with heavy energy. I can only imagine what that would do to someone who is older or not in best of health.

I mean even my health is deteriorating because of this experience. But they don’t care. They just want to make it so someone commit suicide or oops I killed them in a stroke or a heart attack because I sat on their forehead and suffocated their brain or plopped my dark heavy ass energy on their heart. Oops!

I hate them sooooooo much!

When that Entity came to me after I told it to come out of my sisters room and I felt that sick energy the same that my sister said she felt a few days before……. I just knew….. it was confirmation……… I’m pissed I’m angry…… I thought there was some sort of law or code they couldn’t hurt anyone but apparently there isn’t.

So fuck them!

UPDATE: also after my sister’s stroke my sister went blind in her left eye.

Upon observation of my own body I’ve often had a rod or flower or overlay on my eyes with a heavy focus on my left eye to the point of pain. I even got my eyes checked out in the beginning. Everything was fine. Not sure now. Because I started actually seeing stuff in 2017. But the lights and flashes and whatever is in my eye that maybe allows me to see this light frequency HURTS. And then I wonder if it allows them to see like us.

Not sure if it’s a direct connection to my sister but I’m just saying.

I keep seeing these black sparkles bigger and bigger more and more and I just wonder if my sight is going to go away one day because all of this activity that’s constantly happening on me.