Unawakened Father

TRIGGER TRIGGER: Gross 💩

Ok so I wanted to document in my blog how these DEMONS are trying to play me. And I really don’t know what to do. I made the best decision I could granted my Demonic situation and I really don’t know what else to do to DEESCALATE the situation and TURN UP because I know that’s what’s these DEMONS want.

So. (Big deep breath) my father watches porn. I don’t care that my father watches porn. I mean up until 6 years ago I did too but I stopped. I’m not going to porn shame although I hold mixed feelings all together. Shaming others is not the way. Be it the industry or consumers. But yea….. all beside the point.

Point is. My “room” is an enclave with a sonji screen so privacy is so a minimum all it fits is a bed. I try to remain thankful although the loud noises and TVs can really make me want to run.

So my father normally does his work at the kitchen table about 6 to 8 feet from my enclave and because I am awakened at 3 or 4am every fucking night no matter the Benadryls I am normally awake when he leaves.

At first I would make him coffee and a kind gesture if I had the time. And almost felt it was my duty to send him off into the city jungle with a happy toned “have a good day!”. But soon …………. sometime into this ritual I started hearing porn sounds coming from his computer.

First time it was whatever, I laid in my bed motionless as the demons made a huge deal out of this moment and started flashing images of my father penis, or a penis and my father jerking off. And the demons would molest or rape me as the did this all from a moment of moans from porn.

I’ve personally avoided sex scenes in tv shows enjoy (ex: Magicians).

So while I don’t porn shame I do wish I wasn’t around ……. maybe me? I don’t know if I’m being too extra with that. I would rather be asleep and I have tried to knock myself out with 8 Benadryl so I would have to be up at his hour so that the demons can rape me on this incest play.

I wrote my father an email directly to him. Asking him if he could use his tablet and watch porn in his bed room. ” cause no one wants that image of their father” and I tried to keep it none judgmental and more about the fact that the demons harm me. I check his email and I didn’t see it in his email but I know I heard the email notification go off when I sent it.

BUT I think he did it again….. today………. and even if he didn’t the demons are trying to make me think he did so that I turn the fuck up and cause some drama and get my ass kicked out my parents house AGAIN. Like I have to sit there in fear and be molested by god knows how many spirit demons. And I’m tired. I tried to be open and clear and father ignored it and me. And now there’s going to be tension.

This is because the demons for whatever reason want to make me “aunt Joycey“, and I don’t even know what that me at THERE level cause they keep using it as an insult but but my aunts awesome.

There whole thing is that they want me to move to my aunts now and leave my mom who they gave a stroke and a heart attack and my sister a stroke to. And I don’t know why. But I do know they are taking advantage of an awkward situation that I would normally would be able to let go and blowing it up and making me look at my dad differently and really fucked up cause I know it’s not that deep to a man who is unaware and unawake.

I didn’t want to drag my mom into this, cause that’s drama. I didn’t want to mention this again cause drama and I just was hoping he would understand but again it’s already in motion….. it’s already in my head ……. even if he never does again it will loom around will this demon rape me at 5am because my father watched porn. Trying make me run away to my aunt J house?

Yea that’s my life right now.

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I am so FUCKED 😥

I have no idea what to do right now.

I am seeing the same demon that was on me, on my sister that I know caused her stroke before it got to me……… so ONE thing IS confirmed is these demons can jump from one person to the other. That’s double confirmed for me.

When I actually try to address my schizophrenia or migraines medication this demon jumped to my twin sister who has health issues because she was a premie.

So when I try to “raise my stupid fucking miserable vibes” and try to elevate they literally attach to my sister or stay by her bed sipping on her human juices or whatever it they do to either of us. And that doesn’t mean I’m left alone. That just means I’m left alone by the one that feels like death. The others ones still go in and out and switch off on my body and use parasitic toys and tools to mess with my body.

So this is a fucked up situation. Raising vibration and energy and all that stuff is not what people think it is. Like you can literally get your shit ripped open matter how good your day way or if you’re eating organic or gmo. If that Demonic alien wants to fuck your ass up that’s what’s gonna happen. There are no mantras or binaural beats, or amount of positive thinking that will make it go away.

That is a cognitive, conscious decision that, that being must make on it’s on. I can’t change these beings. Even if it seems like it in one area it’s a lie in another. I don’t have super powers. I will not disillusion myself and say I have any. I can see them like any regular degular ass human can see a ghost, or shadow people, or sparkles or flashes or all the other crazy stuff. I just studies the photos for a while. STUDIED. Which is not super powers.

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!! Other than like tell my family to like move to the middle of the desert or something. And even then!!!!! These things travel!!! So like I’m going to be stalked all my like by a fucking praying mantis, aliens, a reptilians, an army of gecko, trolls and demons? Like What the actual fuck?

You know they got cars? I don’t even got a car…… freaking crazy.

I don’t know what to do! I did what I was suppose do. Try to get better! Medically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically all that stuff, I took their pills to get better, I did the salt baths, whatever and now boom if I try to do good for myself this piece of shit pedophile Demonic alien ass face is going to then go harass my sister.

Now that my sister is involved. And they outwardly threatened my sister for the first time and I put all the pieces together and got confirmation…. I’m not sure what to do anymore.

It’s bleak. Committing suicide doesn’t ensure my sister’s safety if all they wanted was me dead. It doesn’t ensure that I won’t hear their nasty asses anymore. Leaving I’m not sure if it will ensure either of our safety. I’m not sure if it’s just me or if I am picking things up from other people as I become more open. And I’m not sure if becoming more open is a good or a bad thing. But I know it weakened me. I now realize I was taken medication and I thought it worked but it wasn’t…. and they were just acting.

So what actually works?

They are psychos. They feel justified in their actions.

These Demons Gave My Sister a Stroke

Something told me they did. I couldn’t prove it. In 2016 when I started hearing voices 24/7. It was almost night and day. Like soon as it became 2016 BOOM voices 24/7.

I was trying to understand what was happening to me, who sent this voodoo to me ….. why was I hearing my ex’s voice EVERY WHERE….. seeing his name. Then BOOM right before our birthday my twin sister had a STROKE. Too young for a stroke.

I was devastated, I started drinking , I would come home after work and drink and cry all night about my sister in her room. And this was after crying for like 6 months after a breakup.

Then maybe once my sister came back home and I quit my job. I started feeling super heavy. I started getting dizzy every time I sat up. Especially when I would quickly sit up to help take care of my sister. I thought it was the stress. I had perfect blood pressure all my life even in the psyche ward. So a couple months in I started just feeling IT.

I mean I felt the “schiz” stuff before or the Entity rape…. burns head pressure…. but this was different.

I felt sick and worried.

So I got schiz, my sister had a stroke, my mom had a heart attack all in the same year. And I only started seeing how these Entities work in 2017. How they attach to the body where what why ….. so I’m really over this.

Even as I write this they attacked me started almost making me pass out with heavy energy. I can only imagine what that would do to someone who is older or not in best of health.

I mean even my health is deteriorating because of this experience. But they don’t care. They just want to make it so someone commit suicide or oops I killed them in a stroke or a heart attack because I sat on their forehead and suffocated their brain or plopped my dark heavy ass energy on their heart. Oops!

I hate them sooooooo much!

When that Entity came to me after I told it to come out of my sisters room and I felt that sick energy the same that my sister said she felt a few days before……. I just knew….. it was confirmation……… I’m pissed I’m angry…… I thought there was some sort of law or code they couldn’t hurt anyone but apparently there isn’t.

So fuck them!

UPDATE: also after my sister’s stroke my sister went blind in her left eye.

Upon observation of my own body I’ve often had a rod or flower or overlay on my eyes with a heavy focus on my left eye to the point of pain. I even got my eyes checked out in the beginning. Everything was fine. Not sure now. Because I started actually seeing stuff in 2017. But the lights and flashes and whatever is in my eye that maybe allows me to see this light frequency HURTS. And then I wonder if it allows them to see like us.

Not sure if it’s a direct connection to my sister but I’m just saying.

I keep seeing these black sparkles bigger and bigger more and more and I just wonder if my sight is going to go away one day because all of this activity that’s constantly happening on me.

I need help! 💩

These demon reptilian incubus archon Entity things FUCKED ME UP!

I’m so fucked up off this shit. Anytime I try to contemplate God it fucks me up, anytime I try to progress it fucks me up, a positive thought it FUCKS ME UP!

I’m confused as shit! I don’t know what’s good or bad anymore in this experience. I don’t know what’s what, do I pray with with a demon cursing my life? I don’t feel like I can pray for anyone cause I am afraid I will curse them just for the shits and giggles of irony from these demons.

They say talk to God….. they say listen to God…. I don’t hear God! I just hear nasty demons. I feel them I see them. I know their set up. I’m stuck in defending myself. Trapped.

Anytime I listen to a message or a sermon of God these demons are twisting every word around to the point of exhaustion. It’s sick!

I’m so tired of the same things looping over and over and over. Incest, child molestation, my ex, some one dying, religious distortion. Like shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I did everything I could possibly do with in my knowledge and ability. And now I’m trying to have faith and just leave it Gods hands. But this is so sick!

What do I do in the moments that I wait? I don’t know what to do anymore. Going outside I have a nervous fucking break down cause it’s pedo shit. Listen to music is automatically about my ex who has moved on and is starting a family. And caring about my family is turned into incest or death every moment of every fucking day and I am tired of this shit!

I know I am not alone and that makes it even worse that good people are going through this bullshit.

I can totally see why people loose faith. I haven’t but I can see why. If it ain’t how people treat you then it’s some nasty demon on your back perverting God.

What

The

Fuck!?

I wish I knew what I did to deserve this. Like really know not this demon conjuring up some bullshit story. Just really know. I asked for forgiveness prayed…. I don’t know why this even exist it’s such a waste of time and energy.

I hate it. I hate these demons….. everything sucks!

Opposite World: “As above So Below” ☝👇

Kundalini is a eastern spiritual concept. Prayer is a western spiritual concept or can be known as meditation. And “shadow work” is a western psychological concept.

So Carl Jungs “Shadow Work identifies the “issue”, where is comes from and the belief that supports it. And the “prayer” or meditation  helps to find I guess a solution or letting go control of it through belief.  For me I take the prayer a step further and put an action with it ….. Which would be a Kundalini “Reversal”.

Schizophenia is like being stuck in mirror world, opposite world, upside down world. It’s like you are constantly met with the opposite, kept from joy that seem like its with reach.

Being the opposite of what you know yourself to be is called “negative symptoms. If you were super motivated and organized …  And one day you wakevup disheveled and depressed. Negative symptom is essentially what you knew yourself as being “taken away”. 

This whole “as above so below” means what? That may be the biggest lie ever. Above where? Below where? We say “On earth as it is in heaven”. I have no idea what heaven is like. So how does that translate to earth? I have no idea what hell is actually like…. But this experience was pretty fucking close.

How do we move out of the limits of this oppression?

My idea of a mirror was that my actual traits would be reflected back to me…. That what I try to bring into the world would be reflected back and actually make a difference. That you do unto others as you would have done unto you because well… We hope that that happens to us too…. But one too many times this did not play out the way I thought it would…. And you move on…. But now I am stuck….

Kinda just bombarded by all that is the world…. But not the beauty the things I wish were changed about the world.

Spiritual Bypassing Revisited. 😲😲😲

So spiritual bypassing. 

We are basically saying that if you don’t get almost literally spiritually jumped and cosmically punched in the face that you don’t get the badge of honor of being “inept”. To………… What? 

Do y’all see how we are perpetuating abuse even through our spiritual communities. 

We allow these “spirits” entities to cause harm and then run around thinking its an honor….. And we are enlightened. 

GUYS FUCK THAT!

FUCK THAT TODAY AND TOMORROW AND FOREVER FUCK THAT!

Basically you are enabling cosmic spiritual bullying.

And we are suppose to grow from that?!

Think about how fucking backwards that is? 

Its perpetating abuse.

If someone is in an abusive relationship do you tell them to stay in the relationship and forgive them while they are being beat? 

A lot of these people going around talking about accept the dark and light…. And spiritual bypassing never been raped by some random ass entity and then being told to forgive them. Forgiveness is a process. And protecting ones self is the first step. Abuse stopping is the first step. 

And forgiveness is a choice. 

I’ve always been like this. Ever since school. School is forced… Information forced…. Most of its a lie to perpetuate ignorance. Most of its not useful and most what actually learn and find useful is on the job you are forces to engage in to survive. 

Let’s really rethink the spiritual concepts we spew out. All we are doing is excusing entitities, energies, demons, whatever to play a roll in our lives, and there shouldn’t be any. They made their choice. And they keep making their choice the more you allow them to “punish” or abuse us senselessly which only enables their bad behavior.

Its not a badge of honor….. It’s ignorance. 

🙏

Photo of what I usually see

Like this is the most obvious photo I have taken. I would zoom in or not have it on a white background or in bright lights so your eyes can adjust. Im trying to look at it now in my bathroom lights and all I see it a black photo. 

If I’m totally bugging let me know. 

The photos of what I drew are here. I have seeming them for 6+ months. I think one or more contribute to the schizophrenia. 



Astral Rape 🌌👾

I forgive my mom. She doesn’t know or understand. No one does. No one gets it it’s not their fault. 

My mom was watching a movie that happened to have a long loud sex scene in it and I held my breath anticipating the Archon Demon to do something to me. It waited until I started breathing again to then touch me again.

And I started to cry, cause I hate being touched. I have been raped and molested all day for two years. I dont even know know what a loving touch feels like anymore. 

Anytime I think about love, I’m molested. Anytime I’m happy, I’m molested or hurt. Anytime I think about my family lovingly I’m molested. Anytime I look at a new person I am having a conversation with, I’m molested…. TV show molested. Or just for fun Raped.

Then to realize the only “sexual” encounter I’m having is being raped an invisible demonic archon reptilian thing all day on some pedo incest rape bullshit. 

And its so sad. That’s all I know right now. That’s all that is on repeat in my head …. To take my life away.

I need love so bad….. I love myself and its not enough…. I love everyone and its not enough. I fight its not enough.

Im so tired of my vagina. I’m tired of thinking about it, having my attention drawn to it by these archon’s, I’m tired of it being burned or raped or molested.

So tired! I tried to ignore it.

And these dude out here….. Just make it worse…. When they sexualize everything. They don’t give a fuck about me…. Just fucking. And if I was elevated… Maybe cool. But now I need love. I don’t know how else to put it. 

I can only take so much of this before I break down.

Petty Post: Bashee

So I legit have this Banshee looking ghost thing following me its in some of my photos and on my skin. Its in the photo of my arm in the background and in the drawing in a previous post.

Anyway so i decided to google Banshee just to see if they really look like that.

And then when I googled the first thing that popped up was Banshee Pub.

I jokingly said to myself i should go there.

Then I took a look inside and realize was the first time of 3 of the last times I would see my ex (twin flame). I cried for the first time in front of him there. We split the bill on a few drinks. I went home, he walked away. I never felt understood or like i could understand with him. LOL I needed my best friend to constantly decipher messages so i didnt get worked up about “wtf does that even mean?”

But whatever.

I have a the ghost of a banshee moving around on my body and fucking up my life. And Bashee Pub just happened to be one of the places I died.

UPDATE: So the Banshee showed up on my upper arm again. And I was in the bathroom and had my arm on the sink when I noticed it. And so I said, “Hi, thanks for ruining my life.” And the Banshee legit changed faces looking down like “my bad”. 

So if children scribbles drawings of banshees are welting up on my arm and showing fake remorse for ruining my life, I need Jesus and the best medicine I can get my hands on cause this shit is CRAY!