1111 Movement and “Spirituality”Β 

Twin flames, Angel Numbers, Arch Angels, 1111 movement, “Light Workers”, ect.

I came into 1111 “movement” thing because since I was young I saw flashes of light and sparkles, when I was around 28ish basically I started seeing the 1111 along with 777 everywhere. 

I always loved symbology as an artist so. When I found out that the flashes of light AND the numbers popping up meant “my angels were around me”. I felt comforted as not too long before some dude attempted to rob me at my job.

I finally found an answer to the flashing lights that wasn’t a tumor…. And a reason for everything in my life coming up 777 receipt, bus fare, numbers on my spread sheet. Insane. But that’s part of the game. 

Still not fully understanding (and still not), in 2016, those “angels” became “demons”. Who once had my trust played all kinds of games and tortured me. And there was one. Just one cause I’m not that special. Just one that played so many characters through the delusion. 

So unfortunately ive some to my own conclusion that this angel, love and light, 1111 movement is just a distraction and is based on a lie. If they were actual angels of love and light…. Great. But they are not. They are not assisting anyone in evolving or ascending or whatever you want to think.

Thinging you “ascending to 5D earth” or this whole “clearing karma” is not much different than the “doomsday peppers” or judgment day or rapture. Like that guy who predicted we were all gonna die on 12/12/12. Cheat you out of your life and work. 

They do the same thing with other beliefs and religions it seems.

Its sad that a beautiful concept is now being used to entrap people into a lie. Like how many people are out here talking and channeling “Arch Angel Micheal” ? Doesn’t he have better things to do than to be giving tarot card readings? Maybe I’m just being too logical.

I’m not fond of lies. I mean that’s why you even go to a tarot card reader? To find out the truth right? Meanwhile you are boldly being lied to.

This guy gave me a book to read “Conversations with God” trash. That ain’t God! I haven’t finished it cause this demon keeps making it gross like everything else…. But I’m gonna finish it before I trash it.

I wish I knew the answer cause I would tell you, but these things are out here deceiving people. No you are not invoking Isis, Ochun, Thor or anything else. They are a lying to you. 

Now if they want to tell the truth…. Cool we can have a conversation. But the only way they will is if they make it seems like they have power over you. That they are greater than you. And Yea they have a few tricks for our brain…. But if they were really that amazing there would be no need to lie or hide or hurt people and call it “Ascension symptoms”. Ain’t no light worker helped with this shit yet. All they doing is making pretty crystal grids and praying to their own demon while taking peoples money. 

Getting tired of the bullshit. 

My assumption is that they are pathetic lonely beings all going to the same school to spook people…. Cause they ain’t got nothing else better to do with their formless existence but try to cheat you out of yours.

Spirituality does not mean sitting her playing with fucking spirits. It means being aware of your own. 

You want an awakening. There it is. 

Wake the fuck up!

Mandala Effect and Targeted Individuals

Just some thoughts.

Mandala Effect I wonder if the mandala effect has to do with “targeted individuals”. I mean I wrote it off as just people being misinformed. I mean our memories aren’t always the best. But there is also our “minds eye” or “third eyes” or “imagination” so when we are asked a question we access it in some way. So I wonder if those who believe something to be one way and not the other are under “mind control” as “targeted individuals”. Just a theory.

Gang Stalking. From what I read many people believe they are being stalked or followes by a group or organization. And while this may be true as a “target individual”, one I doubt they would make themselves so obvious. And two its a part of the “paranoid schizophrenia” “play”. In my own experience the VOICE  or Entity, whatever you want to call it…. Would make me believe it was my ex and his friends doing this to me. Then it moved to my place of work and it was my coworkers. Then moved to my home and almost everyone in NYC had something to say about me. Talk about gang stalking, how about about a whole borough “bullying” you? It was/ is intense to say the least and makes it difficult to go outside and engage the world like I use to. Once I realized this is impossible… For EVERYONE in NYC to be talking about little old me things changed. Once I realized it is impossible for my ex and his friend (who lived on the other side of the country) to psychic telepathic access to me to bully me. Things changed. Once I realized that THE VOICE(s) were talking too fast to be two different people things changed. So while it still happens some times…. I don’t believe it. It is just ONE Entity simulating this nasty ass shit.

As I said before, like I wonder if this how people get hurt or go crazy and hurt people thinking they are doing this shit to them, or suicide cause they are lost in some sick simulation overlay. 

Types of voices. You may notice both a pitch or frequency accompanied by a white static noise. Try ear plugs and touching certain parts of your body like ears or neck … Or affected areas or closing your body in yoga positions. The tones may change. But I pray that you not hear them if you are uncertain. The types of voices I noticed are as followed.

Main Voice: I’m not sure if some people are even able to get there. But once you get past the paranoia or characters or actual people that IT is hiding behind … You may find one voice. I’m not sure how that may play out for individuals because each have a different experience. But this is in relation to “targeted individuals” and the feeling of “gang stalking”. My particular Voice or Entity attachment…. Is intelligent, manipulative, obsessive, lies, I could say creative, but for this experience is absurdly abusive and inhumanly psychotic. May present itself as an archetype of authority, God, Jesus, Goddesses, Buddha, Ex partners, Bosses, Satan, Aliens, Angels, Parents, etc so that you feel powerless. Which in that moment may very well feel true. This “Main Voice Entity”, orchestrates most of the experience. The main voice may very well emulate YOU. So while its orchestrating it is suggesting you (light images, memories, or actual “subconscious thought”) how to respond or placing false feelings.

The Scream: This one often sounds like a distant scream that repeats over and over. Usually negative. May be “fuck you” or “bullshit” or “you’re crazy” “you’re ugly” or something that means something to you. Tends to rhyme. At one point I called it Rumpelstiltskin. But repeats it over and over again. This one also tends to be melodic. So you may hear music like sounds off of running water or other ambient sounds like a fan or humming of a car. 

Voice(s) / Gang Stalking: So this one is difficult. One, being paranoid is natural in natural situation. Walking down a dark ally sure. Stepping out of your house to get some almond milk in broad daylight…. Not so much. The Voice Entity is an opportunitist and will exploit any situation. So if you think your Boss passed you up for a promotion it is going to maybe you felt down or depressed … angry…. This Entity Voice will make you go postal… Hopefully not literally.

So my theory is that The ONE Voice Entity controls the “many”. The one that sings, the one that screams in the distance, the one that says your name randomly, the one that make you think people in your life are out to get you (but hey who knows), the one that makes you think your being gang stalked, that the TVor radio is talking to you, talking to dead relativites or people far away, The one that makes you think you heard someone say some crazy shit and they didnt, the one that makes you think you are taking to goddesses or aliens. 

I can’t say what this…. Exactly… But that is what I have realized for myself. It doesn’t make it any less debilitating.

This post is just on voices I could go on about the whole experience. But it rarely ever makes any sense. So as with “targeted individuals” while I can relate with the experience and can see it relate with other experiences as well (spiritual awakening “purging” “dark night of the soul” or Kundalini symptoms and “surrendering”ect) there is always that one piece missing. 

Who, How, and Why?

Vibrational Match πŸƒ

This Entity didn’t step in until I had a terrible break up. It also didn’t move to calling me child molestor until I realized I (personally) had moved on from my ex. 

However while it has “lessened” in volume the Entity is still here. Preparing to hide. Keeps me from enjoying anything as simple as diner with the family. So it must keep hitting the same buttons over and over and over again in order to maintain control or “keep me at a vibrational match”. 

I am having a hard time, figuring out that next step. I mean I keep trying to test myself and take baby steps like going to therapy. But my therapist quit and was told by the company that she wasn’t allowed to see me privately. So . . .. 

Going outside for something as simple as a walk is also difficult as this Entity takes the opportunity to go HAM an puts on a “set/cast” sounding like many different people which is overwelming. And even if i maintain composure through it all…. It still chokes me or tightens the grip on my head or exploits an emotion or even insights one usually ending in crying. So it must maintain these action of upsetting me in order to control. Oppress.

I still see the single flashing white light in my left eye that was never there before (apparently my eyes are perfect). I know that if I consume weed it also takes advantage of that as well to try and scare me.

This has moved far beyond “emotional clearing” or “residual subconscious material”. I can’t even see this as a “dark night of the soul” because half this shit has nothing to do with my soul or even shadow work and has moved into emotional, mental, physical and spiritual abuse long time ago. 

I have no idea what the next step is in order to step into my power. I keep trying though.

Thought from a forum


Not my words, but of someone in a forum. I just am trying to keep privacy in check, #respectfulBIGmouth. A guy yesterday in a private chat told me not to attribute ANYTHING to what is happening to me, or try to understand it at this point.

In a way, I felt these sensations, lack of control…. Triggering sensations, thoughts, images…. And all I could think of is rape, not me, captivity, hell, loss, confusion, filth. 

I have not had a great experience with this energy over the last few years. I am trying to be nutruel/ positive about it. 

I found myself being more angry than I am use to. I quickly apologize always and everyone in my family is surprisingly understanding and is not holding it against me. But again I have been explicit about what I am going through just in case there were moments like that. Still doesn’t excuse to trying to keep myself composed. I just need to learn how to do this in public while experiencing this thing. 

Uhm…. But again…. I’m trying to approach/ understand this from many angles …. But maybe I need to stop trying to understand it…. Cause it will never make sense…. And I doubt its because my “tiny human brain” can’t handle it….. But because…. That’s just the mystery… And the mystery is the lure.

So trying to understand or attribute…… Is something I need to work on lessening. This is not because of some prize at the end of the rainbow….. But for my own “authenciticity” . 

Fake Friends

I wonder to what extent people in the spiritual communities know what’s really up. While I can see glimers of my experience in other peoples I can’t ever say…… Its just that. 

So I wonder if they are truly awakened….. Or lured into the fantasy of so. 

Or maybe the lure is just avoid, or excuse a process…… an event that makes no sense.

Are those who are “enlightened” and talk in riddles …. Mysterious one liners….. Really enlightened or are they comfortable with their fantasy?

I know often if I feel someone is on the verge (break down/ suicide), I try to be careful of what information or ideas I spew only because I wouldn’t want to influence them to go through the nightmare ive gone through.

I am not enlightened AT ALL! Only understand that an event like this can exist, AND evil is real.

People in the spiritual community talk about the “dark night of the soul”. To my understanding it was experienced by priest as a form of “purification”….. But tum….. How long does this go on for? And to what extent is it real or made up? Why would a bunch of non priest or spiritual leaders need to go through a process, and why here on earth.

I see people going down the path of past lives and it hurts because…. Cause in my experience it is an excuse for spiritual torture. And untrue. But I can’t stop anyone, in a way I can not stop this process or event because if I could have I would have stopped it for myself. I can do is wave a flag of caution…..  Be careful what you believe.

Watch “Carl Jung on Accepting the Darkness of Self and Others”

This was comforting. I don’t know if it was his voice and or the subject. I will probably listen to it a few more times. When this first started happening and I started hearing, you’re a racist, you’re a child molestor, you are white, you’re ugly, you are this and that …. Things that seemed the opposite of what I know myself to be. The woman I originally contacted around twin flame stuff had mentioned “shadow work”. I originally thought it was some sort of witch craft but found out its about working out our, “sacred wounds”. 

I mean it makes sense and then it doesn’t. 

I guess from a scientific standpoint I can understand it. From an experiencial standpoint I can not. So I am having a hard time accepting this as my reality forever. I can only accept the now and deal with it the best way I can. But forever? Does it really have to be forever?

To what extent is this pure chemical mind stuff? Or is it induced (by outside or environmental forces)? What triggers?

How deeply must I accept, other than the words I speak inside my head?

How do I move on?

When looking at some of the commonalities between “mental illnesses”, not for all, but there seems to be a root of obsession. Now I’m not saying that these obsessions (possession….) Are what the individual wants in their life…. But where did it come from? What whispers or suggests it. Obsession is not a habit. So I will proabily be looking more into obsession. 

I currently have obsessive thoughts of a handful of themes that are spoken from a voice that does not seem of myself. (Entity) WHY? Its one thing to hear/feel like commiting suicide a couple times in your life. But if you hear/feel that everyday that is obsessive. I do and I don’t even want to.

I originally had to peel myself away from the Twin Flame concept because at its core…. It felt obsessive…. Being obsessed with someone you are no longer with (ie. The runner/chaser phase). As I said prior to this full on experience. I was crying (seriously everyday), checking his Facebook.. Looking for clues… and I could not understand WHY I was feeling this way when I was ready to move on. I even blocked myself from my Facebook so I couldn’t look at it anymore, casted a random “forget him spell” I found on the internet (which didn’t work BTW) because it didn’t feel like me, I couldn’t stop myself, as much as I wanted to. I hear his name over 500 times a 12 hour period till this day. It is like watching a slow car crash for over a year.

At the root of it was obsession/ obsessive thougts or actions first to understand why I was feeling the way I did at the time… But that quickly progressed into a much bigger production than I ever thought was even possible. (Other themes/delusions that I have talked about in this blog). The obsession became a delusion.

Having this …. Entity…. Repeat the same themes, words, names, sensations, over and over again all day is just….. Idk.

I can’t say I I haven’t been obsessive or missed someone before. One ex I remember that for every time I thought about her I would make myself do 100 sit ups. For a little while I did it maybe 2-3 times a day and or just for myself. I mean the last vegan guy I dated in January I miss him on occasion. I see his name or something reminds me of him and I think “aww… I shouldn’t have pushed him away.” But I didn’t want to drag him into my shit show if he wasn’t rock steady. And that’s every so often and I’m OK with it.

But its my ex (“twin flame”) that the Entity hid behind. And that’s the one it chooses to say his name 500 times a day or make me feel like I wasn’t pretty enough for him or go over memories and give them new meanings…. whatever the list can go on and on because its crazy…. And obsessive.

But it just seems so outside of myself. What is the root of obsession/ obsessiveness? One article I quickly glazed over said fear….. (Things being a certain way)…… I would also add pain. 

The only thing is the pain…. The fear of feeling like I had no control…. Just felt outside of me….. And a few months later here comes Mr. Entity with the mic in hand.

I’ve been eating obsessively which I can own…. Don’t think about that too much just happens. But this entity……. Does have much to do with that. Sometimes but not really. 

So I’m suppose to just accept MY enemy? This darkness? Just live with it?

So…………. Yea that all I have to say for now. 

This Mess-ness

Today I  saw a woman in a forum thay was crying out for help and saying she wanted to commit suicide and opt for the next life time because she is feeling too much and overwhelmed. I heard “feeling too much” and overwhelmed and automatically knew.

Other people in the group thread went on about, “that’s her choice” and getting all philosophical about reincarnation, death, alien spaceships, and god, and TOTALLY overlooking that this woman just said she wants to COMMIT SUICIDE and leave behind her family because she is feeling things too intensely out of no where.

They comepletly overlooked it. Glazed over it so that they can just go on about their belief system. I was the first of maybe 3 people (out many comments) who told her please don’t and reached out.

Like…… 

I got kinda emotional (angry at the comments, sad she wants to do it, upset cause this is happening a lot to people) but I felt like I could control them. But it scared me….. Cause I knew exactly how she felt. But I would never really need to know the sentiments in order to value the life of a perfect stranger…. But I knew. 

I messaged her…. Let her talk…. She still bottled up some things and wasn’t super open. But I asked a few other questions…. And knew we were experiencing the same thing. I asked her if she would smell scents out of no where. She said yes. So while she may not have a voice on blast…. Something is up.

I shared a bit of myself as did she but it took all my might to restrain myself. I wanted this space to be about her. She had mentioned a few things about entities and terrible dreams. I didn’t want to mention anything about an entity although I suspected, I didn’t even want that fear in her mind. But since she mentioned it, I had to tell her not to let it eat her alive and that the dream is trying to cause more fear since she is sensitive from the loss of her mother. Which seems like it was then spilling over into her relationship because of the anxiety. (She told me other things that seem similar but no need to go into detail). 

It sucks right… Cause you have people out in the world who might not understand, or just judge you, or want to fit your mess in a neat box and prescribe you a pill, or glaze over you and not give two πŸ’©πŸ’©. But you have to let someone know what’s going on SOMEONE! So that maybe there will be at least an understanding. A safety net. And you can’t keep it bottled inside.

I told her I’m here for her if she ever wants to vent and unload and I will just listen. Cause this is A LOT of people experience psychotic / schizophrenic symptoms that are ONLY suppose hit a small portion (1-1.5%) of the population. I find that there many women in their late twenties to mid thirties having some random psychotic Britney Spears break down. Maybe its because I notice or connect with women more, maybe its because we are “conditioned” to be more vocal. Its mostly women that I see the change in. Maybe men have accepted certain things as apart of our reality. (Being general AF and not trying to be sexist or cis-gender centric just trying to get the ideas out). Actually my cuzin/ best friend/ old roomies identifies as a non-binary transwoman, and has been experiencing certain things which have had me concerned (like blacking out no drugs and thinking her group of friends were casting spells on her) But there is always various degrees so I try to step back when I feel its not an emergency. 

What the fuck is up tho? Seriously? Good people….. These are good people. 

And if we don’t stand together and build each other up there is no hope. 

Archon: (aka Scumbags, Pieces of shit, Lower Level Entities. (Crazy shit rant)

Level Two Archons – Noetic-Psychological
In Gnostic psychology, the noetic science of the Mystery Schools, Archons are an alien force that intrudes subliminally upon the human mind and deviates our intelligence away from its proper and sane applications. They are not what makes us act inhumanely, for we all have the potential to go against our innate humanity, violating the truth in our hearts, but they make us play out inhumane behavior to weird and violent extremes.


The ontological status of the Archons is dual: They exist as an alien species independent of humankind. They exist as a presence in our minds, rather like a set of programs operating in our mental environment. The risk they pose by invading our mental software is far greater than any physical risk they might pose by erratically breaching the biosphere.

Working through telepathy and suggestion, the Archons attempt to deviate us from our proper course of evolution. Their most successful technique is to use religious ideology to insinuate their way of thinking and, in effect, substitute their mind-set for ours.

Archons are intrapsychic mind-parasites

In discussing archness, author John Lash writes, “Although archons do exist physically, the real danger they pose to humanity is not invasion of the planet but invasion of the mind.

The archons are intrapsychic mind-parasites who access human consciousness through telepathy and simulation. They infect our imagination and use the power of make-believe for deception and confusion. if humanity falls under the illusion of superhuman power, it becomes as good as real, a self-fulfilling delusion.

In the cosmic perspective, the archons present a dynamic aspect of the evolutionary scenario of humankind, through which human potential is tested. The Gnostic view of their role closely matches the “flyers” in The Active Side of Infinity, the last book of Carlos Castaneda, who says that the flyers are “the means by which the universe tests us.” There are numerous close parallels between Castaneda and Gnostic teachings.

Exploring archons in his new book, Wetiko: The Greatest Epidemic Sickness Known to Humanity, psychologist Paul Levy writes, “When people are infected by the wetiko virus, Forbes writes, they are β€œthe host for the wetiko parasites.”

The wetiko germ is a psychic tapeworm, a parasite of the mind. Just like certain computer viruses or malware infect and program a computer to self-destruct, mind-viruses like wetiko can program the human bio-computer to think, believe and behave in ways that result in our self-destruction.

Wetiko is a virulent, psychic pathogen that insinuates thought-forms into our mind which, when unconsciously en-acted, feed it, and ultimately kills its host (us). It doesn’t want to kill us too quickly however, for to successfully implement its agenda of reproducing and propagating itself throughout the field, it must let the host live long enough to spread the virus.

Robert Stanley, has released a public statement about archons stating, β€œIt is time to expose the covert controllers of mankind. These parasitic creatures are real and they need to be dealt with immediately so mankind can evolve to the next level of existence.

β€œAlthough these parasites are not human, they feed off the negative energy/emotions of humans.

http://ufosightingshotspot.blogspot.com/2013/03/archons-interdimensional-entities.html?m=1

http://www.trickedbythelight.com/tbtl/aliens.shtml

(Note: I want to finish the site a above, but I was having a difficult time understanding the storyline, the transition between “myth” and story and point was a bit blurry.)

————————————————————

So a woman from a group suggested that the “entity” might be what is known as an archon. Apparently they are to be called scumbags or what I call piece of shit. 

Entity, demon, archon whatever I don’t give a fuck I just want this nasty thing away from me.

I guess when trying to understand and I’m a visual kinda person (or at least I use to be), in what way, how do these beings have access to us? 

Like we describe auras, and chakras, and chi, energy fields and all that good stuff. We talk about heaven, hell, angel demon, higher self, spirit guides, animals guides, collective consciousness, soul mates, soul families, the matrix, dimensions and the list can truly go on FOREVER.

Point is whatever the fuck this I don’t like. Pineapples this thing gotta go gotta die get it away from me. Seriously…. In case my plea for help came off funny.

1. People say send it (dark entity demon) love and light. Where there is love the dark can not exist. Uuuuh OK this alien demon thing was chilling in the most loving relationship/ partnership I ever had in my entire life. I am seriously lucky to have had someone to be so down for me for 5 years and in my life (an equal exchange). Till this day we are still best friends but in a relationship. But the fact is this thing was there the whole time waiting for a breakup, a job loss, a death, any sucky event to strike. But it was still there. 

So. How the fuck do you rid of this thing? Its fucking gross.

2. So I’m trying to understand how it has access to the mind or the body. 

  • Like is it ACTUALLY in the physical brain, or eyes or body? Which is Gross! (As I said it has read a head of me, so I’m like is it using my real eyes?)
  • Is it on some alien spaceship beaming down a bullhorn of bullshit via cellular signals?
  • Is it “on another dimension” but still on planet earth, and if that’s the case, why can it see me but I can’t see it? Are they just floating around in our auras talking shit all day. That doesn’t make sense to me.
  • This demon alien thing has been here like a bazillion years and we ain’t figure out how to get rid of this shit yet? Like for real?

3. I have been to church, reiki masters, shamans, yoga class, YouTube, and have looked at my experience from almost every culture and belief system (perspective) and NOTHING has helped. Nothing. NOTHING! Don’t get me wrong I believe in God. And my belief in God may differ from others. But I believe in God. And if there can be some random alien demon thing telling me the future …. then I’m pretty sure there is a God. 

4. Alien demon things are bad actors, they do not truly understand the complexity of human emotions, and even with studying me since what I believe a child (a long time) still can’t get it right.

5. So how do we get rid of them? Why haven’t we done so yet? 

6. I don’t care what the fuck it is I want it to stop!

(Passed out)

(So as I was writing and researching this the alien demon voice thing got upset and then started putting me to sleep again. Its a hard way explain being put to sleep. It would almost seem like magic…. But it someone how is so lodged in the make up of me/human it knows exactly what buttons to press. I woke up from what felt like hypnosis, at the end of the “dream” I had, I remember the theme of what the alien demon was saying was death. More or less. There was something else but I’m not sure but you know it wants to keep me confused. So Yea I passed out I the middle of writing this)

Purpose?Β 

I am unsure of this entity’s purpose in my life.

Why does it need access to me? How and what gives it the right? 

I read an article on entity removal and the woman talked about negotiating and trying to understand why the entity is there. But unfortunately the entity diflects from answering any questions truthfully and when I was speaking to someone who does exorcisms the entity would not speak directly to the person. One woman who was a “light worker”, asked it to leave and the only answer the entity gave was, “I’m not done yet.”

But I’m done. 

No straightforward answers. Just lies, terrible suggestions (like leaving my family in their time of need) and horrible images and sensations.

I use to have a really good sense of direction when taking walks and such and now I find myself getting lost more often or going in circles. So even daily walks are difficult. It takes more effort not to go in the wrong direction because this entity is jibber jabbin and putting anxiety in my chest all day.

I say if I was an entity or something like that I would go to a far off land and chill on an island or something like that…… at best help someone through their struggle because life throws you enough curve balls. But this one….. This one popped up full blown right before everything went wrong in my life.

But it’s not everything going “wrong” in my life that is the problem. I’ve learned to roll with the punches but this is like being punched in the face every moment of everyday. And if I click off, the entity starts to pretend to be me inside my head and force me to respond/ interact with it.

The spiritual community wants to be all like, send it love… Send it light….. But I’ve ran out of love. And it keeps me from forming new bonds with anyone because I’m unsure of what might happen. But more so it will use the new relationship against me. 

So why is it here? It says “I need to learn my lesson”. (Which is bullshit) But won’t tell me what the lesson is. I need a syllabus for this shit. 

I don’t see the lesson in repeating my ex (twin flames) name over 500 times a day, I don’t see the purpose of showing me images of child abuse and then making fun of it or me if I get scared, I don’t see the purpose of telling/ strongly suggesting urges to commit suicide, then telling me to move away, I am unsure of the purpose of it trying to act like its my God, I don’t see the purpose of saying I’m fat and ugly all day, or threatening my family, I am unsure of why it stays where it is unwanted. 

There are plenty of people who play with energy and entity’s and what have you so why doesn’t it go there?

Why is it here during this time in my life? Watching my family struggle to rehabilitate from strokes and heart attacks, deaths in the family, seeing my sister struggle with going blind. And I silently suffer cause no one really understands because it sounds crazy. And it is!

At night, my sister moans from pain in her sleep and being in an uncomfortable bed. When I am awake and I hear her ( I usually try to keep an ear out in case she needs me to help her to the bathroom), the entity does stuff to my genitals (buzz or burns sensations) to make it seem like it turns me on and even says “I see it turns you on” “you are not a mother” or something disgusting to that extent. Much like my father, the entity would do the same thing when my father would talk loud and groans walking into the kitchen in the middle of the night to smoke or get something to eat. And it would go on talking about it like these are my natural reactions. These are my family members!!!!

My conclusion was that it was trying to make my home life at my parents unbareable (sexually disgusting) so I would run out / runaway much like it did at my job. At the time I worked with teens and the entity would call me a child molestor and try to make it seem like magically one day I woke up one. I ran away from my job. I told my coworker that it was because of my sister but ….. Really it was because of that very friegtening expierenced and I thought that leaving would help. But it didn’t. 

So it ran me out my job definitely, interfered with my relationships (super imposing on what people said ect.), and wants to run me out of my families home. It even tried dangling my ex (twin flame) saying I leave I would get him back. No thank you!

But why?

Where is the lesson? I don’t see it.

I think we as humans and or the entity will eventually make a reason on a whim ….. (It says “i cant wait till she sees”), But I will never ever get this one. I’m pretty decent at looking at different perspectives ….. That’s usually how I forgive. But this one. This one…… This one…..

This one…….