Clearing Energy

While the “energy” in my throat seems to have cleared. That means when I recorded it there were no radio static or blips. Also when I apply pressure I don’t feel the release as much. Also the strange rash that developed at the base of my neck cleared up. 

My vagina has not had the same affect. I felt the buzz and decided to record both areas but only had radio static sound in my vag. It only comes out when i record it, I don’t actually hear it myself. I didn’t try the top of my head, even tho its still kinda tense right now. 

Vagina is super curse. So lame. 😩😩😩

Why do I have radio sounds coming from my vagina?

Its like its crazy, but then I have all these confirmations that its outside or beyond me.

πŸ‘‘ Your Crown πŸ‘‘

In the beginning of all of this. 

After I took the cleansing bath. 

The “Entity” said A LOT of things. I mean it still does. And I am usually sitting here with my head cocked to the side like HUH?!. 

Still trying to learn to ignore it because none of it means anything and even it it HAPPENS to make some sense by some mere coincidence…. Oh fucking well. Nothing was worth this experience and it was a waste of my life and time. 

πŸ‘‘ I was fresh out the break up in the summer of 2015, living with a friend, trying to keep my shit together. I was making sure to go to the gym more since I was bored and wasn’t biking to work as much. 

I remember this moment on the treadmill that I felt my head or what people would refer to as the “crown chakra” feeling it was “opening up”. I was a little worried. I had these strange “gong” headaches i even went to the doctor for, but everything came back normal. I was also worried that the IUD that I had gotten for extra protection with my ex was causing my blood pressure to rise and I went into Google Doctor mode to make sure. So I later got the IUD removed (as much as the doctors tried to convince me to leave it in). 

So this feeling on the skull that was just like my head was wide open. As I was on the treadmill had me a bit concerned. But I just went along and was pushing myself physically to stay healthy for my job.

In 2016 fell into the episode, delusion …. This “Entity” had already laid the grown work, prepped and groomed me. Already had attached this story line to my ex as my “twin flame“. As telepathy, the perfect cover. 

I was at my job and the “Entity” said in the voice of my ex, “Remember who gave you your crown.”

I had looked up why my head would be feeling like this. “Soul Star Chakra“…. “Halo / Crown”, ect… So many explanations. This Entity acting as my ex (“twin flame”) wanted to say he gave me all these things “crown” before being “initiated” and eventually “married” to my ex. This Entity wanted to “give” me all these illusions or hopes or whatever so it could take it away. And quickly put on what felt like an energetic “harness” to make me sit up straight and “act like a lady”.  

Another moment at my job, the Entity said, “she needs a new vessel.” Meaning, my soul, spirit needed to be in another body for my ex to love me. (Crazy shit I know.) But again this was grooming for the suicide it tried to force me into. Said I needed to, “Die for (my ex’s name) by means of child molestion”. So it was going to keep showing me sick images until I committed suicide. 

But things were sick, abusive, it didn’t stop…. It was constant…. It was crazy…. Scary…. Debilitating.

In retrospect, I realized that my crown wasn’t being given, but being taken away, or blocked as my life became extremely instable. 

I can’t say where it exactly began. But I know where thing got crazy. Which was 2016. Right after questioning and trying to stop this obsession with my ex that I did not feel connected to. 

I know I tried my hardest in all of this. Peeling back any delusions. And I will continue to try to resolve this in the best ways I know how. That’s all I got, with all I know.

But no this “entity” never gave me anything. Never will. Just some tricks and some lies, while it takes what it needs to give it self a reason to stay here. 

Question: Why did it contact me?

Why did this entity reveal itself to me if it won’t tell me, why its here, where it comes from, how it has access to me or got here or what it really is…….?  (!)

Like what’s the point now?

Like people, speculators, healers will give me EVERY reason in the world…. Some story to believe in…. To heal from…. To reconcile. But nah… There is nothing to reconcile. I’m calling bullshit on some of this. Abuse is abuse! I don’t care if YOU can’t see it…. Or understand it. Its spiritual energetic abuse…. With no reasoning.

If this was from a past life…. Can it just jump or attach to my mom or my ex like it keeps saying it will or has? Hmm that doesn’t make sense to make other people “pay” for something by using them. Hmmmmmmmm..

You can sit here and tell yourself that you’re being spooked the fuck out because of arbitrary “past life” if that helps you cope. But all we have is this life NOW. And whatever this is is trying to cheat millions of people out of their NOW.

So its here. They are very obviously here…. Whatever you want to call or visualize them as…… Terrorizing people …. Humans or whatever…. For what?

At this point its opinions are invalid. 

Annoyed, tired, over it.

Authenticity and Healing

1. I am not sure it was an implanted belief or not. But at some point I had this…. Idea that I am suppose to pray and wait for this Entity/ Demon thing to leave. 

Some days I would just walk around chit chatting with this thing like we are besties letting it drain me of my energy. And then it shows me an image of child abuse or does something gross or rapes me in my sleep. And then I go back on my quest to get rid of it.

I’m tired and very confused at this point.

So I had to get rid of this guilt about looking for a solution for my own healing. That I looked outside my faith in God it was dark magic. 

Not all methods or concepts of healing or protection I fully understand. So there are some ideas that go against my belief or experience.

I finally came to my own conclusion…. Whatever this thing is….  Entity, alien, demon, djinn……  Why would God want me to sit there and take it and not fight back anyway I can? Why I sit here and act like this thing is my friend when really its draining my life force, showing me sick shit and using Gods name to control me. Why would God be upset that I tried to find healing, understand it or create it?

2. Being as I have researched this Entity Attachment from EVERY possible angle and belief system…. Its been difficult to figure out what mode of healing works best. I’ve tried many. I’m also upset that people took my money with out ever really helping. But it’s not that simple it seems. And I feel like I have to fully understand energy, mysticism and healing for myself to get rid of this thing.

I mean I’ve studied herbs and nutrition, as well as financial and community health….. But now spiritual health it seems like I will have to dive into. I’m strong enough in myself. I think………… Its just this attachment will make it difficult to really study. I can barely read anymore ….  That’s why I write. 

I’m sick of being bullied and defenseless.

3. My experiences don’t always corelate with a single “belief system” or knowledge base. So figuring out what something REALLY is …. Can be tricky. But I also like understanding how or what it may corelate with OTHER belief systems as well.

Example: I see flashes of light/ sparkles. 

Belief #1: your angels are around you.

Belief #2: your auric field is being attacked by an entity.

Belief #3: your eyes/brain needs to be checked. Retina damage or floaters.

Belief #4: ascension upgrades/ coming into your “gifts”.

These are all different and kind of conflictibg. I am sure there are even more beliefs around this one experience…. But finding what is true at least for me. And while I have found so many half truths…. I haven’t found any whole truths just yet.

(I’m being choked into tears as I write this right now) What are the importance of tears anyway? I try to stop. I hate crying now because it doesn’t feel like a release anymore it feels like manipulation. 

4. Maintaining authenticity. In one group…. Someone is telling me I need to stop drinking coffee…. Stop doing this or that…. Don’t listen to certain music…. Surrender…. Don’t be at meat, Just wait it out….. “You are going through a storm to recieve your blessing type amen”…… Like I don’t know y’all. 

I have to be myself. I like coffee, cigarettes, listening to Flatbush Zombies and I’m pissed off. If course I want to better myself! But its just doesn’t feel right just stripping my life of everything I enjoy…. And sitting here and waiting it out. That is no different than this Entity. 

I have to re learn what works for me …. Considering my life circumstance right now (ie. Entity and watching my twin sister). 

But my priority is healing and removing this entity because I think he got confused somewhere down the line.

Just trying to stay grounded…. But also open. 

1111 Movement and “Spirituality”Β 

Twin flames, Angel Numbers, Arch Angels, 1111 movement, “Light Workers”, ect.

I came into 1111 “movement” thing because since I was young I saw flashes of light and sparkles, when I was around 28ish basically I started seeing the 1111 along with 777 everywhere. 

I always loved symbology as an artist so. When I found out that the flashes of light AND the numbers popping up meant “my angels were around me”. I felt comforted as not too long before some dude attempted to rob me at my job.

I finally found an answer to the flashing lights that wasn’t a tumor…. And a reason for everything in my life coming up 777 receipt, bus fare, numbers on my spread sheet. Insane. But that’s part of the game. 

Still not fully understanding (and still not), in 2016, those “angels” became “demons”. Who once had my trust played all kinds of games and tortured me. And there was one. Just one cause I’m not that special. Just one that played so many characters through the delusion. 

So unfortunately ive some to my own conclusion that this angel, love and light, 1111 movement is just a distraction and is based on a lie. If they were actual angels of love and light…. Great. But they are not. They are not assisting anyone in evolving or ascending or whatever you want to think.

Thinging you “ascending to 5D earth” or this whole “clearing karma” is not much different than the “doomsday peppers” or judgment day or rapture. Like that guy who predicted we were all gonna die on 12/12/12. Cheat you out of your life and work. 

They do the same thing with other beliefs and religions it seems.

Its sad that a beautiful concept is now being used to entrap people into a lie. Like how many people are out here talking and channeling “Arch Angel Micheal” ? Doesn’t he have better things to do than to be giving tarot card readings? Maybe I’m just being too logical.

I’m not fond of lies. I mean that’s why you even go to a tarot card reader? To find out the truth right? Meanwhile you are boldly being lied to.

This guy gave me a book to read “Conversations with God” trash. That ain’t God! I haven’t finished it cause this demon keeps making it gross like everything else…. But I’m gonna finish it before I trash it.

I wish I knew the answer cause I would tell you, but these things are out here deceiving people. No you are not invoking Isis, Ochun, Thor or anything else. They are a lying to you. 

Now if they want to tell the truth…. Cool we can have a conversation. But the only way they will is if they make it seems like they have power over you. That they are greater than you. And Yea they have a few tricks for our brain…. But if they were really that amazing there would be no need to lie or hide or hurt people and call it “Ascension symptoms”. Ain’t no light worker helped with this shit yet. All they doing is making pretty crystal grids and praying to their own demon while taking peoples money. 

Getting tired of the bullshit. 

My assumption is that they are pathetic lonely beings all going to the same school to spook people…. Cause they ain’t got nothing else better to do with their formless existence but try to cheat you out of yours.

Spirituality does not mean sitting her playing with fucking spirits. It means being aware of your own. 

You want an awakening. There it is. 

Wake the fuck up!

The point .Β 

So what’s the point of all this? 

Almost every belief torn down for what? 

Torn down and still shimmers in its beauty, essence, goodness. Beautiful stones that were used to build prisons.

So now what? 

I will not bow down.

You and your kind have lied to my people. Misguided…. And divided. And we are done. The lies are sooooo deep we even think they are good.

So why are you still here?

I am no longer interested in entertaining your game…. Or play… Deception

We’ve come to a point….  And your side seems desperate.

Leave!

Sister Sister (part 4)

Last year (maybe 2 week – a month) prior to my twin sister having a stroke in March 2016. My sister and I had a verbal fight. I’m not sure what it was about but sisters fight and we made up as normal. After that I kept hearing on the streets “You should be nice to your sister”. I heard this maybe two or three times.

My full on experience didn’t start until December 2015 with prep work of crying EVERYday from June 2015 – December 2015 as much as I wanted to stop. So it was a slow decline after the break up with my ex (twin flame).

I said 2016 I was going to forget about my ex and take a break from dating because the crying thing was too much. So I took a spiritual bath and worked on trying to get happy again. Later I heard “Bless this house

So jump back to March 2016 I went to pick my bike from Brooklyn my sister had the stroke which was at my best friends house (soul mate ex) and I told him about what I was experiencing. I said something to the extent that “it was like having every fear yours or not being thrown at you at once.” He actually started to cry. I didn’t know if he understood or felt sorry for me.

So I took my bike and was about to ride it but it had a flat and so I got on the train and soon as I got of the train my dad called and said I my sister was in the hospital because she had a stroke.

Other than crying and riding my bike with a flat tire home first so I could go see my sister, I actually don’t remember the rest of the day

My sister spent 5 months in a nurse home (a shit one at that but it was the only one in the borough). During those 5 months I went through my own personal hell with this demon Voice Entity thing. It was acting as my ex (twin flame), and it was acting as people at my job, it was raping me everynight and calling me a child molestor around children. I mean as I said I thought I was being punked or it was a practical joke cause I know I am not one. So even started making light of it. But no. It wasn’t…. And it didn’t stop.

I was at my job having all kinds of crazy visions, my body was trembling. My head felt like it was in a vice. I would go home after to hear all kinds of crazy shit coming off the TV or outside. The voice saying “send her a brain anurism” or “send her cum” or something still acting like it was my ex (twin flame) put a curse on me. Making me hear my ex having sex. Hearing all kinds of racist, sexist, disgusting, things all day. 

At one point the I wondered if I was having stroke. Or if this Entity was forcing me to have one with at that “energy” head ache that I was feeling. I mean my sister had one so I thought maybe I was having one too. But then I wondered if this same “energy” ….. this same “Entity” caused my sister to have a stroke as well.

I started freaking out and screaming at the Entity, I called it every name in the book. It said, “I didn’t…. I didn’t!”. But at the time it was saying that evetything it said was “the opposite” …… So i didnt know whay to think. I wanted to believe my sisters stroke was just medical, that my mind was just in fear. That the stroke had nothing to do with what I was hearing. That the Entity was only trying to scare me.

So I let it go and just prayed for my sisters recovery. 

My sister finally came home in July 2016. I had already quit my job, cut my hair and just got out of the psyche ward with no relief. I spent my last paycheck on a psychic lady who said she could help me remove this “spirit” …. She didn’t. 

My sister came home I was on meds and for some reason I was the only person in my home would actually hear my sister call out at night for help to the bathroom. But sometime her call would wake me out of my sleep. Not in a normal way. Sometimes I would be pushed or jolted out of my sleep to hear her call…. But she would would be asleep and actually call me moments later to go to the bathroom. 

The Entity also “foretold” when my Ex would call me, when my mother “lord have mercy” was going to have a heart attack. When my grandmother “Great day” was going to pass. Said it was waiting for the “other shoe to drop”, predicting my mother having a stroke this year 2017. I actually thought the other shoe dropping was ME. I mean this Entity kept telling if not forcing me to kill myself…. Or run away from my family. On my birthday March 2016 I heard “Rest In Peace”….. Sounding as my ex. Idk I thought I was gonna die. I felt like I was dying. Squeezed and left to dry in the hot sun. I told the Entity that it was trying to kill “Get it over with!”. 

Now its tryingbto say I will get cancer. Or I’m going to die next year. “Last year”. I mean since this has happened my health has declined in a short period of time.

So I’m at this place where is this Entity….. Whatever it is….. Telling the future or causing it? 

I can’t see how it can actually tell the future. Where there are so many possibilities. But take opportunities to steer people into a particular direction? Or forcefully to get the job done?

Sigh. 

Vibrational Match πŸƒ

This Entity didn’t step in until I had a terrible break up. It also didn’t move to calling me child molestor until I realized I (personally) had moved on from my ex. 

However while it has “lessened” in volume the Entity is still here. Preparing to hide. Keeps me from enjoying anything as simple as diner with the family. So it must keep hitting the same buttons over and over and over again in order to maintain control or “keep me at a vibrational match”. 

I am having a hard time, figuring out that next step. I mean I keep trying to test myself and take baby steps like going to therapy. But my therapist quit and was told by the company that she wasn’t allowed to see me privately. So . . .. 

Going outside for something as simple as a walk is also difficult as this Entity takes the opportunity to go HAM an puts on a “set/cast” sounding like many different people which is overwelming. And even if i maintain composure through it all…. It still chokes me or tightens the grip on my head or exploits an emotion or even insights one usually ending in crying. So it must maintain these action of upsetting me in order to control. Oppress.

I still see the single flashing white light in my left eye that was never there before (apparently my eyes are perfect). I know that if I consume weed it also takes advantage of that as well to try and scare me.

This has moved far beyond “emotional clearing” or “residual subconscious material”. I can’t even see this as a “dark night of the soul” because half this shit has nothing to do with my soul or even shadow work and has moved into emotional, mental, physical and spiritual abuse long time ago. 

I have no idea what the next step is in order to step into my power. I keep trying though.

False Awakenings?

Is it possible my Entity attack is or was a false awakening. Was my looking for answers as to why I saw shadows and sparkles what inspired this Entity to make it SEEM like a beautiful awakening at first only for it to be a lure.. A trap to scare me into killing myself?

I mean if anything my Ego has gotten HUGE during this process. I had to because I was being told I was a way I knew myself not be. I was being told this is what my subconcious looks like…. I had to wade and affirm information. So yes my Ego had to puff its chest and fight other wise I would have been dead.

Love + Light, I’ve ran out of the abundance I had. It literally feel like it was one day to the next. Light, lite, actual light sun energy, our inside spark AND keeping things lite… Forgiveness, letting go….. moving on. I feel like I’m in the middle of no where, unable to see …. Only discern …. But no sight ….. And figuring out how and why I am being attacked. The times I have tried to love this being like I would anyone else it would then turn it into sexual energy…. And usually energetic rape. 

This is not an awakening. 

Someone said all it is is thoughts. Sensations are from thoughts…. Ect…  I just don’t see it.

Isolation…. I do not feel all connected…. I’ve never felt more isolated in my life. I’m normally ok spending time with myself. But now I have this unwelcomed guest who disrespects my home. MY HOME. How much more isolation? 

How many more tricks? I can’t even make these tricks/shows/scenes up…..

I thought awakening was waking up to who I truly am ….. But so far its been nothing but lies…. I’m not a fucking child molestor in any life, time or fucking space. I’m not fucking Isis, and I’m not killing myself for NO ONE….. Osiris, ex twin flame, my mother, God….. NO ONE!!!! Shit is fucking lame.

I feel less “awaken”…….. I have to sleep just to cope. How am I awakened if I’m sleeping all fucking day???? What fucking use is that? 

I see people out here chilling and welcoming beings in their life….. And playing with them…. And I’m over here with my jaw on the ground like what the fuck y’all doing? Shit wanted to take my life for shits and giggles.

Over here like I’m “opening my mind to consciousness” …. When its just an Entities continuous stream of thought interrupting my own. Who the fuck said that is “consciousness”, I could barely even think for a nano second with out it being interupted. Being isolated and feed disgusting thoughts like fucking farmed pig? What the fuck is expansive about that?

Dark knight of the soul? WHY? Like life isn’t already?! Like we don’t try to make the best of all the fuckery going on in this shit show…… Nooooooo we have to make some sort of botch awakening, alien abduction, drag me to hell fucking nightmare. Shit is fucked. … NO my soul DID NOT AGREE to this bullshit before it got here. Promise you that shit….. My soul ain’t that fucking stupid. ….. Shit is fucked. I’m tired of being blocked!!!! I want this thing gone!!!

I’m trying to figure out if these concepts are luring us into a process with these Beings OR if these Beings are simply inspired by any concept it can get its hands on. Including religion.

I’m only allowed one to two hour intervals of sleep because the Entity will wake me up because its fucking bored. Seriously?!?!?!?

Tired of this? Promise you I wasn’t born for this Entity to play with!