Energetic Bodies

So I took a photo of my body in a dim lit room like I do to see other things.

And I saw that my energetic (I think it is mine or it could be another being) had 3 holes in it. It looked almost a cavern. I saw a pair of eyes in one of the holes.

Then I remember in January a gang of 30 or more Geckos all shot me in my stomach and then my eating habits changed. I wrote about in my blog.

Then maybe 3 months later a male face came to me and removed a band of maybe 5 astral parasites but left one that I could still feel and later saw.

My assumption was that the astral parasites were covering or closing the holes that was caused by the attack in January.

Why they were taken away or I was attacked in the first place I am unsure.

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Mantis Problems 🐜

So…………. I think one of my main problems is a Mantis / Mantid problem. In an article on Gaia.com they identified them as shapeshifters which would make sense as to why I was seeing so many different characters. I mean they literally have a bag full of tricks. They can look human with enough “light magic” or like a classic grey alien. I have seen Sunglasses and Masks they put on. They seem to be made out of Ether. Ether …. is malleable. If anything it’s keeping it together that is the real art.

Either way, these assholes had a bunch of babies in my house and I’m losing my mind. I am not sure what my relation is in this process. But I feel like I died a thousand times. I mean if you are a good being, and you need help like JUST ASK!!!!! Whats with all this nasty shit? JUST ASK and be nice and decent!!! People donate blood right? Food? Money? time? resources? So if these beings needed something so bad all they had to do was ask! and make some sense about it. And trust that I would use my own guidance. and if I said no move along. There are plenty of hippies out here willing and able. And now I’m sitting here feeling like death barely able to write and take a crap in a day.

Like it had to be 100’s of babies. And I’m not sure if they put another load in.

I am not even sure if they are the ones acting like Reptilians or Shadow people or Trolls since they can shapeshift.

Side note: The reason they like TV is because it’s predictable especially with commercials. They love pop entertainment for some reason. And I seem to be apart of it.

My friend said to get Organite towers to get rid of them but I don’t want to pay for yet ANOTHER thing that will disappoint me and waste money I don’t have. They aren’t cheap range in $30 for a small one the size of my palm to $100+ for one the size of a small statue.

So why they are connected to me I don’t know. Babies? Energy food? Pure delight and entertainment? They hate humans? False sense of control? They did try to say they were God more than like 1000 times, especially after I rejected the whole Isis and Osiris bit. I was like do you know how many bitches out here think they are Isis reincarnated? maybe I just don’t understand how reincarnation works. But from my knowledge at the time they then moved on to the Big G.

Side note: I think an entity or entities use different frequencies for different things. Like light frequency is for movement, radio waves for sound and speaking. I’m not sure but you get my drift that maybe each wavelength if they tap into it allows them partial access. People are super concerned about Wifi and EMF and I’m not too sure where they lay on the spectrum or how they interact with the body I know people say its harmful to the body but I’m not sure how they interact on a spiritual or metaphysical level.

So I believe that’s one Large chunk of my issue is the Mantid’s. I just don’t know how to get rid of them or why they are here in the first place.

I’m not going to make this too long but I’m pretty set on that being a consistent part of this experience. And they tend to hide behind people (humans), or images of idols, or masks. So it makes a lot of sense.

Now on to WHY THE FUCK DID THEY RUIN MY FUCKING LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

deep breath……….. deep breath…….

 

Tonight: Black Lights Dots in my Skull 💀

A square of black dots maybe 100 went into my skull.

I’m not sure what it is or why it hurt like all etheric things that keep going into my fucking skull but…… so yea…..

Then the demonic entity yells “do you know how blessed you are?” As it hurts me more. It’s makes me hate the word blessed and every one is going around talking about how blessed they feel and blessings it’s a trendy word and I’m triggered AF cause this demon has made “god bless” a curse some how.

I don’t know what’s going on anymore.

Below is a drawing of ONE of many of my attackers. My guess reptilian, I believe the others are Archons or their children and are easier to put in or around people.

Either way fuck this shit!

I can’t make this shit up. And if I did it definitely wouldn’t be through ruining my life.

Dark Light? ✨

How do you trust the “light” when the “darkness” is false light. It looks like light. Can act like “light” deities …. ancestors or loved ones?

This entity said to another entity “yea we lit her (me) up like a Christmas tree” mean lit me up with a bunch of Entities and demons and curses beings black magic.

So how do you trust the “light”?

How do you know?

Does it even exist?

Is there even good spirits or spiritual world?

Why are these beings doing this? It seems pointless to me?

10 years of stalking to then try to convince me to commit suicide in the last 3 years? For what?

Idk. Darkness has light….. quiet a bit of it too. Rationing it out for more light or whatever the agenda is. Idk. But they have light. Like a dull lighting. And it sucks that two worlds can not get along …… but it would only make sense….. look at our world but then knowing HOW they influence our world negatively and now are just becoming more noticed …….

BIG SIGH….. just doesn’t make sense.

The Beings Made Bets on my Faith

I got tired of calling them Entities.

Either way the demon entity beings make bets on my life all day….. down to what I eat.

Even recently it took me some time to realize there was a demon in my kitchen trying to control what I eat cause they were making bets and when one of them looses they become really aggressive.

So I think I didn’t listen to one and then every time there after every time I went into the kitchen I started coughing and getting nauseous out grossed out by food or I wanted to pass out one time when I was trying to help do the dishes for my mom and I had to stop. This is all one or two days after. Then I realized how dirty and disgusting they are and how they play.

They would make me feel ill or wrap me in etheric parasites JUST to win a bet! And I’m over here crawling around my housing wondering WTF! This has happened so many times when I didn’t realize. Once told me not to eat my moms food and I did anyway and I was the only one who started projectile vomiting. So fuck these Entities.

So what do they get when they win a bet? Get to feast on my energy first? Points? Hell money?

Early on when this first started 2016 these demons said my mom hired my ex to turn me more Christian. “Meet my maker”. I guess energetically. Idk….. I was loosing my shit at the time. So yea you can see why.

I recently realized it was a bet between the beings to mock my faith. They have no faith so they don’t care.

Forcing me to be “more Christian” was about controlling ME and over me. It took me to see this because I kept trying to reconcile this and understand why the same demons who tortured me into suicide were also condemning me and trying to make me more Christian but then keep me from going to church or enjoying church or reading the Bible. It is insane …….. like they are.

My faith remains either way but I don’t like the way this feels. I take my time with growing in my faith.

But essentially this is their story at this point not mine. They choose to reveal themselves….. they choose to do what they do me.

🙄

“Neva gonna get it, Neva gonna get it”

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

————————

I was reminded today by someone’s post that I’m probably never going to figure this stuff out. So trying to figure out this scooby doo mystery of who or what is raping me at night is pretty much a waste of life. AT BEST the only thing I can come out of this with maybe assist others in “reclaiming their time” with not wasting much more than needed to reconcile for themselves. That is not something you can just tell someone to be but an evolution.

Much like growing in faith and as a person. I can’t say what will stop these demons. How or why they got here.

There is trust and there is also discernment ……. there is faith and also trying ….. so I am trying to still reconcile faith and trying….. since I’ve tried so hard…..

Happy 😊

I am choosing to be alone and fight this demon thing on my own. I don’t want to drag anyone into this I don’t want to this thing to jump or place a little fragment of itself in someone else. Also I know for a fact this entity wants to keep me from dating or being with any one else and has worked hard to interfere in my relationships.

I want it gone.

And then I think about the symbiotic relationship between actually engaging joy and not trying to protect it and healing. Because these beings have no body other than my own and are limitless or at least never ending in their chatter.

But the most important relationship is the one with myself which is constantly being intercepted.

Joy for was simple it was seeing people eat the food I spent hours preparing, joy was nothing but me and my baby blue bike getting lost in the outskirts of NYC and having find our way home enjoying the views of new neighborhoods and sunsets with the faint smell of honeysuckles. Joy was being my own personal doctor (google doctor) and gym trainer and cheerleader and telling myself to go that extra mile or learning the intricacies of detoxing the body.

But I can’t do that now. The voice make bets on leading me astray and down the wrong path, down to dates and appointments. Habits. Compulsions. Information. Promises. Everything is a lie.

So there is no time for joy only time for trying to figure out their lies. And if I have a moment of joy …… happiness……. laughter….. I am usually quickly punished with something about my ex, my father, child molestation, my sister dying which are all triggers.

So how do I find or obtain or grow or cultivate joy? Through the pain? Through the disgusting thoughts they shoot at me that enrage me in ways I didn’t know way possible? When I have tried my hardest? Or don’t try at all….. every angle ….. maybe just wait and they a tear come my eyes worried about another year that might past with prayers unanswered. That they will accumulate more and more and I will be no different than most of the other schizophrenics or targeted individuals or spiritually possessed (awakened mediums ect).

I know I must seem like the most womp womp bitch on the planet but I’m not im just being honest and critical about my situation. The situation IS critical . I have hella little monsters attracted to me and flowers all over my body and a snack on my third eye and astral parasites on my tummy that feel like a girdle. So life is 😳 and I’m on day 2 on antipsyche meds and it totally gave me the 💩💩💩 in the middle of the night so yea………

so I have to be critical there is a war on my body from almost every angle even myself. But I was trying to heal that.

Rambling………

Joy

I miss joy and veggies.

A Truth: Reconciliation ⏰

So I have seen 100s of different “entities” during this 3 year long attack. Mantis, aliens, golems, reptilians, troll, teddy bears, parasites, dragons, regular demons, geckos, “acturians”, vampire, ghosts, Shadow “people”, lotus’, sunflowers and daisies, butterflies, infinity symbols, Isis and Osiris statue, cats, mermaids, like half woman half man human esq faces, and countless other ones I can not describe. MOST that I see seem to be just heads. Head cut off by a circle. They were almost drawings and could be anything or anyone.

Now I HAVE heard my ex’s voice actually still do unfortunately. I’ve heard my mother’s and fathers. I’ve heard pretty much all of my coworkers when I was really loosing my mind. And that is why I thought it was originally telepathy.

I also hear 2 male voices and a female voice that I do not know who they are but they the main harassers. (“Gang stalkers”)

And I guess that’s where I came to a am epiphany. I saw 100s of astrals all over my NYC apartment. On the TV, on the enclosing my room creating a matrix, on my dresser in the hallway…… like woa, but my assumption is that they are all derivatives fragments of the same whole and can conglomerate at anytime and …………. say………. go back to what ever layer of hell it came from? Maybe?

I will hear the same voice coming off the TV in the living room or in my sisters room depending. Both have a little purple energy blob (actually more than one) hanging around it. That’s why ambient TV kills me because the Entity can manipulate sound as long as sound is happening. If not they they resort to white noise in the ears.

ANY WAYS, besides all of the different costumes (out of the 100s of Entities I have seen I still don’t know who has been speaking to me), and ALL the different “personalities” they try to pull off (such as my friends, family, coworkers, ex’s, lololol GOD lol) one thing has remained the same is their ACTUAL personality. One I’m not familiar with. So I’m going to assume at least one is new, but if I assume too much that just create more story and story gives them more play time.

Generally speaking these entities fit the profile of a “reptilian” sexually perverted, controlling, mean, manipulative, liars, mind control, dark negative thoughts all that corny shit. Most will just call them demons.

Be it targeted individuals, attacked “awakened” (whatever the fuck that means now a days), schizophrenics, or possessed, the voices are all generally the same. Vile, sexually depraved, twisted “consciousness”. They repeat the same shit over and over and over and over 🙄 and over and over again. Looping the same gross ass thought and trying to convince YOU that’s YOU lol when it’s THEM! Even when you know!

So the fact that these Entities are generally the same either saying the same thing or with the same agenda speaks volumes. But of course each person has their own individual life so of course each fragment of this energy will be tailored to them more less.

But there are too many commonalities. And I’m starting to get really over this…… and I’m pretty sure others are as well.

I don’t need proof with all these photos (although I have it). I don’t need to listen to them because all they have done is caused pain and looped it, lead me astray in my true “spiritual” journey and distracted me from my joy.

I know it’s not easy that’s why they use mind control tactics in our sleep. But for those that are struggling in this fucked up false ass matrix……….

👾👾👾 GAME OVER!!! 👾👾👾

Monkey Mind 🙉🙈🙊

“Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil”

I heard about the “monkey mind” here and there in reference to meditation. I think I just assumed it was the normal “thoughts” when you are trying to meditate and your mind loops “make sure to do this or that , hmm I want coffee after this, my back hurts, ect” ….. very rarely I would get a random image.

After being attacked the loops became more subtle the visions more often and it was all with the goal of mind control. One thing the quote above doesn’t mention feeling. Often burns and pinches and buzzing and electrocuted….. feeling raped … either end ….. held down or harnesses or cuffs. Like someone held my hand or kisses me. There where a lot of feelings and then SUGGESTIONS by the Entities as to what those feelings were or what they meant or what they symbolized.

But essentially it was all a lie.

Where I thought there was a ring on finger was probably a astral parasite placed there by an Entity. The harness that forced me to sit up straight and was part of their “domination” fantasy was probably also a bunch of astral parasites wrapped around my body, because the wanted to “teach me how to be a lady”.

So I hear, see, feel, but TRY not to speak evil, although it is spoken to me…… lies. Lie after lie after lie after lie.

The monkey mind is real but I have a house party going on and I don’t know why or how to stop it even if I keep an “empty” mind, they just fill it…… with nonsense….. none stop talking about stuff that makes no sense. Stuff from tv in a different room, mixed with the title of an email from a week ago sealed with their normal sexual perversions. So I’m observing the babbling and occasionally will be like HUH? But will go back to just trying to an “empty mind” or pretending it is or just not engaging the Entities since they are completely insane.

There was a certain amount of monkey mind I agreed to or I thought was normal. The to do lists the getting things done ya know and then when the attacks happened and the house party happened I wasn’t totally aware what was truly MY internal dialogue.

There are spiritual concepts of “expanding consciousness” and I often wonder what is that? What or who or how is “consciousness” being expanded? Is this just another lie? Another trick to agreeing to allowing our bodies to being used until they can’t anymore.

I honestly don’t even see how these Entities can continue…… I can barely move some days. Again if I take a photo I can see ways in which I have been probed with their parasites and toy and tools and whatever else they use to do what they do.

I KNOW I’ve tried my best from many angles and I know I gotta be “patient”. But being stuck in the house because I don’t want these Demonic Entities to use little random children for pedophile shit in my mind is such a GRIM existence and I’m not sure if what I am waiting for will ever arrive. And I hear of so many schizophrenics who are stuck in the house for one reason or another for most of their life.

I once said something to the extent “It’s not how long you wait it’s what you do in the moments you wait.” This was to touch on being patient and intentional. But the things I would normally do in the “moments that I wait” I can’t engage in. I can’t go to the gym or farmers market …. lay out in a park for hours….. just take it easy until that next phase of life happens.

I don’t know how to cope or deal or heal with this one. All I have is faith that the demons are trying so hard to take away or condemn me for when I don’t have the perfect answer.

Big Deep Breaths! 🐨

Keeping it Lite 💡

I’m having a difficult time with being between the fact that the demons have ruined my life in unimaginable ways (described in this blog), caused my sister to have a stroke, my mom to have a stroke and heart attack……… AND trying to be normal fun loving me, AND having to be a warrior and take these demons on.

They never shut up……. they are always doing black magic….. I have no defense against them other than the fact I can see them, an iPhone camera and a keen sense of self, but that doesn’t stop them.

I don’t “play” with them as much as they play with me mostly as I wake up and then throughout the day.

If I knew how to make this stop I would.

I can’t think with out them inserting themselves…….