Healers can’t seem to find the voice

I’ve been to so many light workers and healers and they can clear attachments (which are non conscious entities) but they can’t seem to remove this voice. The Entity that put them there.

I don’t know why.

The house is plagued with non conscious entities. But this one Entity that won’t shut up and says and does gross things like rape me…… they can’t seem to see or remove.



Gifted a Healing Session 🙏🏼

I was gifted a healing session by a dear friend. And he found 7 attachments to me.

Now attachments aren’t the same as entities. The Entities I believe are the ones who put the attachments there. Attachments are more like parasites. They drain you, fatigue, make you feel heavy, depress you. An entity has a bit of consciousness they kind of orchestrate the situation. It’s the Entity talking to me NOT the parasites attachments.

So he removed a big one on my back and now I can walk more freely with out stoping every block.

While my main goal is to remove this Entity that I know is using the attachments to cipher energy from me or torture me. I am appreciative of the gift of healing.

If you would like the healers contact and feeling heavy weighed down normal than usual then just comment and I will give you his contact information.

Being able to walk down the block is a blessing.

But I’m still got my eye on this Entity'(s)!

When the Entity actually enters the body it’s a low vibration. My body would vibrate or shiver (not a cold shiver) I would feel like electric shocks, sometimes lose consciousness, so an entity is much different than the parasitic attachments.

I took pictures and I don’t see as many smaller entities around like I did before. In the beginning it looked like war hundreds of them all around me all over the place. Now I see like 2 here or there in a photo and their structures they set up.

Unfortunately smudging did not work. I tried multiple times. This is also not my home so I desperately not have control over the space and I live with 3 other adults living with their shit.

I haven’t got complete control over my consciousness the Entity is still there. But I’m going to work on my body. Cleaning it out and it being a tool to ME and not these monsters.

Still looking for someone to remove this Entity and not just the parasites. But I am grateful either way.

God Broke My Heart 💔

So I’m sitting here with a positive decision for disability case. I’m labeled schizophrenic now. It makes me sad.

I don’t know what that means for my future. Discrimination is real.

I’m not Job.

But I’ve had so much taken away, home, possessions, job, lovers, friends, innocence …….. down to my sanity.

And I gave it all up. I payed there watching demons and spirits going in and out of my body. Unable to move half the time. Being raped by demons. Shown visions of child sexual abuse. Voices saying I want to have sex with my family members. Watching my ex and rapist get married.

And all I tried to do was make the world a better place. To help others. I gave all my heart and soul to the world FOR God. To combat the evil in this world. The evil I didn’t even know was THIS real.

I never asked for anything from God. Ever. Just thanked God for the opportunities. For the love I got to experience. But this time I begged God to remove this pedo rapist demon out of my life. And not to jump to the next person, but remove it for all.

I spoke to soooo many spiritists, targeted Individuals and schizophrenics…. who all one day out of no where started suffering a demon placing these taboos in their life.

All I wanted, prayed for, examined in waiting was for this to grossness to be removed.

And it hasn’t.

I live everyday jumping over the voices saying pedophile things. I have to love and teach my godson about life with the guilt and shame of even having this voice in my life saying these things while all I am trying to do is love. Bring love, peace, joy, compassion, gentle lessons into this life.

And God hasn’t removed it.

I persevered!

And still. The thorn on my side. The worse possible thing. The idea of hurting a child. Replays at any opportunity.

I’m disgusted with myself even though I know it’s not me. It never was and never will be.

But I begged God to remove it. And God hasn’t. My bottom line is removal. Not sometime pedo, or a little bit of incest. GONE!

And I feel like a brat being unmoving from my position at the same time. But I can’t and will not accept this as my life. It’s not me.

God broke my heart. The one time I begged for God to show up, God didn’t.

I don’t know what that means for me. I don’t know why. I don’t know why God would let me suffer being raped by demons.

I don’t get the lesson. I just feel like a lab rat on all these meds which I never would have taken but I am desperate. I feel like there is this dangling carrot of faith in front of me to get to the prize and I just want it GONE.

And people will tell me it’s because I need this crystal or bath, I’m not praying hard enough or the right way, faith is not strong enough, I need to eat this or that way, I need to cast this spell, that whatever I have done (which has been a lot) was or is never enough. They persecute me like the demons do. That I’m not enough for God grace.

God broke my heart not showing up for this one. And I don’t know what that means for our relationship.

I really don’t know.

Demonology: Which Demon I think may be bothering me

Asmodai (also Ashmodai, Asmodeus, Asmody, Asmoday) appears as the king ‘Asmoday’ in the Ars Goetia, where he is said to have a seal in gold and is listed as number thirty-two according to respective rank.[4] He “is strong, powerful and appears with three heads; the first is like a bull, the second like a man, and the third like a ram; the tail of a serpent, and from his mouth issue flames of fire.”[4] Also, he sits upon an infernal dragon, holds a lance with a banner and, amongst the Legions of Amaymon, Asmoday governs seventy two legions of inferior spirits.[4]


According to Wiki link on Solomon’s demons this particular one above seems the closest to what I have seen. It is a lesser demon not a “king” and is in charge of spirits which would explain why I have seen so many of them. I called them centipedes but it could be a serpent tail and they have little arms.

Also the demon wanted to take on the person of my ex which his name is Ash and this one, one of its names is Ash-modai which by their twisted logic prolly makes sense to act as someone’s name closest to its name.

Idk man. Shit is bugged out. I’ve seen part of Satan’s kingdom. Is heaven only reserved for the dead? Cause he’ll sure isn’t it seems.

I’ve been calling Earth Pedo Planet cause that what it feels like at this point, with the fact that almost everyone I know has been molested as a child, that along with this demon doing this pedo molestation shit on me I’m kind over this place. I’m holding on trying not to commit suicide cause I know that is what they want but it just SUCKS!

Life is a gift! Yuh right! Life is a JOB!

GodSon: Little Devils

So I came to babysit for my best friend while she was at school the next few days. And my godson was acting up. But it wasn’t so much that he was acting up or bad …… but he was VERY emotional about it and even more so when I or my friends boyfriend spoke to him about what he was being told to do. It was intense. But that happens every so often, I noticed he starts to crave more attention when there is two or more people in the house. But WHATEVER…..

What really got me is when he said that he had a REALLY BAD headache to the point he almost didn’t want to eat. The headaches or random pain is a very obvious sign of Entity etheric attachment. It is not the main one but smaller ones no bigger than a fist.

So while I was calmly talking to him and giving some time to breathe I stared at the top and sides of his head….. shoulders to see if I saw anything. And low and behold the demon revealed himself. I saw a darkish purple energy outline of the being walking on top of his head AND when I looked at it the demon spewed a sparkly energy orb thing at me so while I might not see exact details of the face I saw enough to know something was attached to him and making him feel bad.

This demon or alien thing has been stalking me wherever I go. Even to the doctors office. I mean I’m not sure if it’s because I am around or not. I have seen some in the children’s playground that had nothing to do with me.

But I don’t understand why they would attach to an innocent child like that! It infuriates me.

I spoke to a friend of mine that does astral healing work (he is really legit and the sweetest man alive) and he said in fact there was a demon attached to both my godson and I. And he removed it.

Today my godson was way more chilled and listening and not super emotional to the point he didn’t even understand why he was feeling the way he was feeling.

It was good to have my sight of the beings confirmed by my friend. But at the same time I’m really upset that it’s happening at all and I just don’t know if it is because of me.

While my friend has been able to remove astral etheric attachments for me before he hasn’t been able to remove the voice that attacks me all day. Just like the really problematic immediate issue or symptom of a larger problem….. the stalking entity. But he is good at what he does and I don’t dole that out to just anyone! Especially after being taken financially taken advantage of by many “healers”.

It was nice to have a very energetically calm day with my godson. It’s too hot for all that mess tbh.

I really wish I had super powers to help heal people in that way. He went to school for this so he knows what he is doing. And he is a teacher. I just wished he could just pluck this nasty one out though. It is literally a thorn in my side.

Trying to remain hopeful I can beat this!

update: my godson is in the kitchen learning how to cook with my best friends boyfriend while I chill writing waiting for dinner and my friend to get home from school. Super loving environment like he deserves!

Targeted Individuals: EMF reading at Kids Playground

So a last week I was at the park (btw I live in NYC) where I take my godson to play and I was on the park benches and while I was just staring around the park I noticed on the metal bench I was on the was a clear white misty cloud form on the top back of the benches. I double checked my eyes looked to other parts of the park. But the top back was were it was the most predominant.

So yesterday I took my godson again to the park. I sat at a different park bench and decided to do an EMF reading because I was getting migraines that were making me almost nauseous.

So I remembered what I saw on the bench but I didn’t really see them at first. I do the EMF reading on myself which was at a 60 but then quickly went down to like a 40 something once I turned on my reader. So no wonder I was feeling nauseous.

Then I casually did a reading for the metal bench armrest it was 119. It wasn’t easy to get that reading because when you put it on the arm rest and you get like maybe a 90 at first but if you move it slightly one way towards where the numbers go up you find the “hot spot”. The reasons that they are not the easiest to find is because the beings or projections are flattish. The are usually not much thicker than cardboard. So the are facing one way or another on the axis point.

Then I did a reading for the top back part of the bench like I saw on the other bench last week. 214! This was by the way only isolated to one spot towards the end of the bench. This is touching people! My head was there just a moment ago.

I feel like if I followed a trail of EMF readings it would lead me somewhere. But maybe it’s randomish.

Then I wondered if I was getting high readings because the bench was made out of metal. I did an EMF reading for the seat of the bench which came out to 20/30. And for the middle arm rest. That is a huge jump. All the same area, all the same material.

When I looked close to the arm of the bench I could see a clear watery outline of energy but nothing distinct. Just that it was there and not other places. It also did not seem to attack me that I was aware of. Most, at least when I am inside, seem to attack me. A dark outline getting in my face to scare me or sending sparkles or lights to my body to connect to it….. who knows .

I also did an EMF reading for my best friends bed. Generally the bed was at 40, but when I moved towards the head of the bed… it jumped to 70.

So there is definitely something with being near the head of humans.

While I may recognize them as spirit/demon/alien I have not definitively ruled out technology. It’s just easier to explain what I am seeing and experiencing exactly as I see it.

While some of us may have a hitch hiker or a few, these beings/things cover the city. I also see them on non voice hears. So again what makes us different to experience loud voices, energetic rape and violations of the body and mind?

That is my latest update.

Queer Love and Breaking my own Heart 💔

So this is my ex (soul mate) of 5 years and NOT my ex (false twin flame).

He is a transgender male (female to male) and the only person I have ever loved. We broke up because he wanted to be polyamorous and I didn’t /wasn’t.

I told him I was dating someone a week before the last guy Ghosted on me (isn’t it ironic …… don’t you think?) and we haven’t really spoken till just now cause he felt some type of way. He said he thought I was just taking my time for us to get back together. 😕

But I haven’t told him I’m not dating anyone now either. As honestly it’s all a bit too much for me. And since this is my blog and my place to be grossly honest…..

I’m having a HUGE issue with my faith and sexual orientation now. I mean I can’t take back being queer as that was a huge part of what politicized me. I will always be for the rights and safety of the LGBT community I’m not a homophobe.

But ever since I read that one of the commandments “Adultery” includes homosexuality as well as, sex outside of marriage and sodomy which includes oral AND anal sex…….. I’m kind of like…….. damn I give up. I give up and give it to God. Adultery also lumps in child predators and rapists which in my logical mind is messed up but OKAY. I honestly thought Adultery meant don’t cheat on your spouse which I mean if you make a union before God then it should be respected. I’m traditional in that sense.

But I love and will always love my ex soul mate. That I can’t make go away. Sometime i hope that God will see our love in judgement day and understand. Understand there was real love, real care, a deep bond and real companionship there. That no cis heterosexual man has ever presented me with.

But I am giving it to God because I’m not sure. To trust the interpretation of Gods words by men or what’s in my heart.

I will prolly die alone with the companionship of cats if I’m lucky.

I don’t know if I am being selfish by keeping my ex soul mate around. But you just don’t find good people you can trust like that. Even despite our break up I trust him. Because he told me before went off into poly world. (He apparently isn’t poly anymore but whatever). Apparently I’m not queer anymore…… maybe not even heterosexual…… shoooot might be going straight to asexual at this point.

It’s all confusing and painful. And love is complicated, more complicated than it should be. And dare I even say Gods love.

I guess for what ever I have done. Having sex out of marriage, queer oral sex, the one time …. ok two times I did sex work to make rent. Adultery. I want to give it up to God and get in his good graces because I am really sick and tired of being raped and molested by demons 24/7.

So I am just trying to go by the “rules” at this point as a process of elimination.

But I really didn’t want it to come down to this. But I’m sacrificing my sexuality…… my love and companionship…..dating (cause I clearly don’t know how to date or say no), my pleasure for God. To God.

When I broke up with my ex I made a joke that “I’m prolly just gonna become a nun”, maybe the jokes on me. Maybe I am becoming a nun. Maybe the demons are persecuting me into being a “nun” because they like to be ironic like that.

Idk. I’m trying and yet over it at the same time. I would never tell anyone in my life that I think homosexuality is a sin. I’m almost ashamed. But I don’t know. I mean errybody out here have sex with out being married and they are not getting raped by demons everyday for 3.5 years.

I guess I’m desperate. God must know I am desperate.

My heart is broken in so many different ways 💔

Photo from Philippines pride parade, Christian group apologizing for treatment of LGBT.

Best Friend Dating 👩‍❤️‍👩

So in my last post Dating vs Lonely I talked about how my friend found a boo piece less than a week ago. What I don’t think I mentioned is that the voices said maybe a week or two before hand “we gotta find her (my friend) a man to get her (me) out of here“. They said this multiple times prior to her meeting this guy who seems really sweet.

I dismissed it like most of their claims like I’m gonna die and every is gonna die (my family).

I take care of my Godson while my friend goes to NA meetings once a week because I want to support her. And while the voices still try pedo shit while I am with my godson I have trained myself to not to respond to it and get upset or agitated like I use to and just ignore it for the most part. It still hurts my soul. But I love my godson and my best friend. I also during the day I get a few hours of peace and quiet when they are not home unlike I do at my partners house and it gets me out of the house once a week and at least I’m exercising myself to be in the world.

For whatever reason they don’t want me to be here. But they don’t want me to be anywhere really. In the beginning at my parents house the voices started with the incest shit with my father and showing me images of him raping me and making me feel awkward around my dad all of a sudden. Then they were trying to get me to run away. I considered it many times because I wanted it to stop. I was going to kill myself a the beach in Long Island and I, for whatever reason maybe panic, I could not find the right train even though I was on the right track.

Either way it’s the same thing with my old job as well calling me a child molester and telling me to quit my job (which I did) and forcing me to leave and have nothing. Just tossing me around aimlessly at their whim.

So now I gained some footing. My friends house is a safe space for me (for the most part) and now the demons want to get me out of here too. And the way they plan on doing that I guess is by occupying her with a man. But at the same time making it seem like I am jealous (a running dialogue). Which I’m not. Now because she is seeing someone they are saying oh she is prettier than you, you are ugly that’s why you don’t have a man. And all that stuff. And I mean she is she is gorgeous always has been. But NOW they are saying that. It’s weird.

I guess what makes it awkward is knowing the voices foretold yet another situation. Just like the foretold my ex having a son two years prior to the actual birth to make me feel like shit. And I’m not even mad I just wanted to stop hearing about him and being tormented by the image or voice of him coming off the TV.

So idk if these demons actually foretell the future or create it. It seems easier for them to create it since they can influence people decisions to some extent mostly if it’s with in their parameters.

Part of me wants to just whimper and leave. The other part wants to stand my ground. But I’m just going to be me and go with the flow. And if I see less of my friend because she has a man oh well we’ve all done it to each other.

Just feel some type of way cause the foretold it was going to happen. Like I don’t have control over my life. Even though I am working on the inward, now it’s manifesting outwardly (more than just seeing them). So meh.

New Age: Channeled Messages 👽

So before i go into this topic i wanted to make a note that last night i was sleeping and these demon assholes woke me up at 5am shouting and screaming in almost a helium voice. And then i wake up and i felt a humming vibration leave my body specifically my head and move to the left of me on my bed.

I could see the energy swirling in the air and a shadow on the surface of my bed. I saw it moving around back and forth like a tornado standing still……My sheets started moving like there was actual pressure on the sheets. While i was frighten at first cause i just woke up i as always exchange my FEAR for CURIOSITY. I watched it for a little while to make sure i was seeing what i was seeing. And then i just said “you guys are assholes……” (for waking me up at 5am) and went to the bathroom.

So they make it so hard to sleep at night for some reason. Also as a note my eyes are very tender today. The vibration feeling was at other spots of my body as well. And i figured this is how they make dreams feel so real sometimes. But maybe im wrong. Not sure totally the purpose of vibration energy. Anyways just making a note.


So in the New Age community there are a lot of Channelers. Or people encouraging others to be “clairaudiant” or clairsentient ect. Which basically means you can sense or communicate with non sentient beings…. energy …. whatever.

There are some that listen and relay the message and there are people who allow the beings to speak through them.

Sigh. Yall!

Like first of all most of these people have no idea who or what they are talking to. Very few of us can see these beings fully. Only in part. Like you may only see the light magic illusion/vision they show you but not their true for walking the earth. Or you might see just the energy clouds of their being with your two eyes but not the actual form. The demon/aliens that I SEE…. LOVE to “play”. This can be in our waking life or dreams. They love to take on different personalities (real or made up). And they are able to do so THROUGH US. If they dont have a conduit to an audience, does it really matter? A bald headed casper the ghost looking alien was pretending to be telepathy with my ex in the begining. Even sounded like him too. But it wasnt my ex, it was and entity of sorts probably with a costume on. (YEA I KNOW THAT SOUNDS CRAZY!). But i have seen them use masks and like put coverings on. I honestly can’t even make this stuff up. Its not even what i want to bring into the world. Tbh.

Like y’all out here channeling and allowing just any ol’ entities to speak through you? They are PLAYING YOU! It is not some someones grandma or paladian alien or arch angel ect! Like get your shit together! You are renting out your body part time to a being you have no idea what it is or its true intention. Do you have sex with just anyone? And even if you did have sex with someone that is appealing (in one way or another) ….. What is to say they are not lying to you just to have sex with you?

That is what you are doing with these beings. Renting out your body to unknown beings. While these beings may enter my body …… I DO NOT CONSENT! So essentially they are rapists and trespassers. Who is to say they will not feel entitled to your body at some point? And just start taking you over and blacking you out when ever?

I mean i first thought it was a spirit or an angel (oooo pretty sparkles)…. Then telepathy with my ex….. Then reptillian and mantis aliens….. Then just old fashion demons….. Want to know why? Because no matter WHAT the situation was……… There was a LIE in there. They were lying about SOMETHING. And that takes time, observation and discernment to really see.

Like im not really trying to play with these beings. They hurt physically. Even when they try to give “pleasure” with soft touches or air lightly blowing or even forced orgasm….. It’s creepy AF.

One of the first times i encountered a “spirit” it pretended to be Zora Neal Hurston (who i adore) as my school project was on her life and legacy. And i wrote a piece about how she came to me in spirit during my studies. DO YOU KNOW Alice Walker wrote a short story “The Ghost of Zora Neal Hurston”. I found out because my professor asked if i had read anything by Alice Walker. I said No. And found out the Walker wrote a story similar to mine. So these demon alien assholes were out here trying to make it look like i was plagiarizing! Which could have got me licked out of school. ASSHOLES! It took me reviewing my life to see where they played me like this.

Im sorry but yall are getting played and spreading the SAME STUPID MESSAGE EVERY SINGLE TIME! EVERY TIME! from different channelers too! “The shift is happening” “ascension is on its way” “twin flames unite next month!” “New energies are on its way”. You all should be ASHAMED of yourselves for what you are doing to the public to get a buck or attention. Same messages since like 2011!

Yall are playing with/getting played by DEMONS. And misinformating the public at the same time which is opening more people to getting played and getting attacked and keeping them from God!. Thats an awakening right there!

Smh. So done with the shit!

Love and light! 🙏💩

Not Sure What To Do Anymore 😕

Like I’ve done studied these demons and how they work the various communties and belief systems around the expierence, interactions and or torture.

And like im done! Like really really done!

I’m good on the school of esoterics. I’m done. Unless God is gonna give me the answer to burning these cockroaches ….. I’m done!

Like I’ve done the WORK! I’ve tried everything. Ive really worked on myself. Trying to figure where these triggers (agitated by the demons) where stemming from. Also known as Jungian (Carl Jung) Shadow Work. Like I’ve analyzes myself back and forth until I feel like a narcissist at this point. Like over analyze looking for answers and some times….. it is what it is really. Like it’s simply a dislike or a childhood truama…..not some past life karmic shit that i don’t even really know about and can never truly resolve.

I mean its pretty basic. And I’m done over analyzing myself …… Like i need to go out and live life and find some new shit to traumatize me and over analyze. Im joking. Seriously.

But i need to live life. I’ve been on pause for 3.5 years and studied and waited and tried to heal the best I KNOW HOW. And while I know I need to put all my trust in the Lord, like i feel like i gotta do my part too….ya know.

Like i didn’t leave my house for a year and some change cause the demons voice(s) where so loud it was painful i mean LOUD. And it was difficult to walk down the street. But i pushed myself were i could. i really did.

Now its way more physical than before because i am able to ignore the demons bullshit more and not get caught in a delusion. But now i feel punished for not playing their games. Like i will get electrocuted or my body will vibrate all day or i have mirgaines and see a huge black spot in front of my vision…. Dizzy, feeling sick, faint or sleepy. Everyday. Some days the pain is so bad all i can do is sleep it off.

And i want to get healthier and walk more which will help me stop smoking as much. And drink my green juice and detox and all that hippy stuff. But i feel like death most days. And as i said i often sleep the pain away.

Yo i use to walk everywhere! And bike! I would bike from bushwick to the Bronx. I would walk from Inwood to Midtown. Upper East to Chinatown. Just pumping the city. And now i feel like i have an energetic ton on my shoulders choking me. And i had all my physicals and apparently everything is ok.

After studying these demons honestly they are around most people one way or another. But why i gotta get the full production? Visual, dreams, visions, voices, tactile. Like they really hurt. Why do they hurt me and not other people?

Like i was on my phone today and i felt a numbing strange pain in my hand and i examined my hand and low and behold i could see a dark energy line coming out of my hand. I couldnt see the whole thing like if it was an actual “being” just the dark thick line that moved with my hand. And stared at it for a few and whatever it was removed it.


So imagine that and my whole body. My brain! They do this to my organs. I can’t look at my organs. But I can bring awareness there ….. But that usually doesn’t help. They don’t like to be looked at or seen cause they are cowards.

Either way …….. Im lost in this sea of fuckery. I just want to get back on track and stop these attacks.