Healers can’t seem to find the voice

I’ve been to so many light workers and healers and they can clear attachments (which are non conscious entities) but they can’t seem to remove this voice. The Entity that put them there.

I don’t know why.

The house is plagued with non conscious entities. But this one Entity that won’t shut up and says and does gross things like rape me…… they can’t seem to see or remove.



God Broke My Heart πŸ’”

So I’m sitting here with a positive decision for disability case. I’m labeled schizophrenic now. It makes me sad.

I don’t know what that means for my future. Discrimination is real.

I’m not Job.

But I’ve had so much taken away, home, possessions, job, lovers, friends, innocence …….. down to my sanity.

And I gave it all up. I payed there watching demons and spirits going in and out of my body. Unable to move half the time. Being raped by demons. Shown visions of child sexual abuse. Voices saying I want to have sex with my family members. Watching my ex and rapist get married.

And all I tried to do was make the world a better place. To help others. I gave all my heart and soul to the world FOR God. To combat the evil in this world. The evil I didn’t even know was THIS real.

I never asked for anything from God. Ever. Just thanked God for the opportunities. For the love I got to experience. But this time I begged God to remove this pedo rapist demon out of my life. And not to jump to the next person, but remove it for all.

I spoke to soooo many spiritists, targeted Individuals and schizophrenics…. who all one day out of no where started suffering a demon placing these taboos in their life.

All I wanted, prayed for, examined in waiting was for this to grossness to be removed.

And it hasn’t.

I live everyday jumping over the voices saying pedophile things. I have to love and teach my godson about life with the guilt and shame of even having this voice in my life saying these things while all I am trying to do is love. Bring love, peace, joy, compassion, gentle lessons into this life.

And God hasn’t removed it.

I persevered!

And still. The thorn on my side. The worse possible thing. The idea of hurting a child. Replays at any opportunity.

I’m disgusted with myself even though I know it’s not me. It never was and never will be.

But I begged God to remove it. And God hasn’t. My bottom line is removal. Not sometime pedo, or a little bit of incest. GONE!

And I feel like a brat being unmoving from my position at the same time. But I can’t and will not accept this as my life. It’s not me.

God broke my heart. The one time I begged for God to show up, God didn’t.

I don’t know what that means for me. I don’t know why. I don’t know why God would let me suffer being raped by demons.

I don’t get the lesson. I just feel like a lab rat on all these meds which I never would have taken but I am desperate. I feel like there is this dangling carrot of faith in front of me to get to the prize and I just want it GONE.

And people will tell me it’s because I need this crystal or bath, I’m not praying hard enough or the right way, faith is not strong enough, I need to eat this or that way, I need to cast this spell, that whatever I have done (which has been a lot) was or is never enough. They persecute me like the demons do. That I’m not enough for God grace.

God broke my heart not showing up for this one. And I don’t know what that means for our relationship.

I really don’t know.

Demonology: Which Demon I think may be bothering me

Asmodai (also Ashmodai, Asmodeus, Asmody, Asmoday) appears as the king ‘Asmoday’ in the Ars Goetia, where he is said to have a seal in gold and is listed as number thirty-two according to respective rank.[4] He “is strong, powerful and appears with three heads; the first is like a bull, the second like a man, and the third like a ram; the tail of a serpent, and from his mouth issue flames of fire.”[4] Also, he sits upon an infernal dragon, holds a lance with a banner and, amongst the Legions of Amaymon, Asmoday governs seventy two legions of inferior spirits.[4]


According to Wiki link on Solomon’s demons this particular one above seems the closest to what I have seen. It is a lesser demon not a “king” and is in charge of spirits which would explain why I have seen so many of them. I called them centipedes but it could be a serpent tail and they have little arms.

Also the demon wanted to take on the person of my ex which his name is Ash and this one, one of its names is Ash-modai which by their twisted logic prolly makes sense to act as someone’s name closest to its name.

Idk man. Shit is bugged out. I’ve seen part of Satan’s kingdom. Is heaven only reserved for the dead? Cause he’ll sure isn’t it seems.

I’ve been calling Earth Pedo Planet cause that what it feels like at this point, with the fact that almost everyone I know has been molested as a child, that along with this demon doing this pedo molestation shit on me I’m kind over this place. I’m holding on trying not to commit suicide cause I know that is what they want but it just SUCKS!

Life is a gift! Yuh right! Life is a JOB!

Targeted Individuals: Plasma Beings Theory

So I think many Targeted Individuals some are on the fence like myself as to if this is human technology or if this is alien or demonic in nature or maybe they are just plain crazy.

The time I can see the most (“hallucinations”) I noticed is when my pupils are wide open. The eyes are like cameras, so the wider they are the more they are taking in light, even subtle light.

Plasma “is a state of matter in which an ionized gaseous substance becomes highly electrically conductive to the point that long-range electric and magnetic fields dominate the behaviour of the matter.” According to googles definition.

So with my eyes I have seen these plasma beings glow subtle colors like red and yellow I have seen them be black as well. They move like heat. Like a flame.

In short the reason that man of these TIs are getting high Radiation or Electromagnetic readings is because of the definition above.

I can see them and when I hold an EMF reader up to them I get 70 (which is painful) an above. We are suppose to be at like 15. My friend is currently on 200 and it breaks my heart. I wish there was something I could do.

Many of these being are like animals, like the geckos or parasite I see. And some are more intelligent like the praying mantises that I see. I also see Astral spiders with the heads of aliens, I see centipede with the head of a cow or a dog. Over the years they have become just heads floating around to now I can see their body after lots of observation. This juxtaposition of different body parts reminds me of “Solomon’s Demons” where these beings would be all merged together. Some are some aren’t. It’s hard to describe but it’s more like they are flipping back and forth between say 4 different beings that dismembered and merged with other beings. As one being.

I mean these things are OLD! I don’t understand their world completely. And I don’t want to really. Understanding it keeps me sane a bit if that make any sense. It keeps me out of fear since I am facing it head on. That’s me personally.

I do want this to end. They are not nice and gross beings as most TIs will know.

I won’t write too much about this but this is my belief.

Attacks at my Best Friends House

Straight to the point these demon Alien whatever they are have been heavy attacking me at my best friends house. They don’t want me there. They did the same thing at my parents house for years and I guess they have calmed down in the last year. But now they have been attacking me under the guise of an entity attached to my best friends boyfriend.

The first attack was music and constant waking me up in my sleep.

The last attack was holding me down in my sleep (also known as sleep paralysis) and then when I woke up I saw an Entity descending away from me into the other room.

They did say two weeks prior to my friend meeting her boyfriend that “she needed a “man play” to get me out of here”, they don’t want me to be happy they want me isolated and alone so they can rape me and ruin my life. And I’m tired of it.

I’m trying my best to both be there for my friend, be there for me, not trigger myself pointlessly but also push myself. Ya know?

The fact that they did this at my parents house as well is a telling sign. They wanted me to run away when my sister had a stroke (which I believe they caused), if I ran away I’m a terrible person and they can loop that endlessly, if I stayed (which I did to help my sister recover) then they get their “loving sister” play that they torture me while I take care of her. Saying this will be the only time I will be a mother, making crude comments about my sister body while I clean her, incest. Sick twisted shit. If I didn’t love my sister I would have ran. Being honest. I wanted to off my self being completely honest. That shit coming out of no where scared the shit out of me.

Unfortunately it’s my life now. I had to learn to just “rise above it” water down a ducks back if you will. But it hurts my soul. It really does. I can’t be me with this. I don’t know how to function.

Either way that’s what they are doing AGAIN! Run me out! I’m tired of being attacked. Played with. Raped, molested, mind twisted, shit is so sick. I know I’m not crazy. You don’t just wake up one day at 33 like this.

The Game of Life πŸ˜“

So ………

I don’t even know how to even say this.

Like these entities know I’m a caring and loving being. And I KNOW they had a hand in my sisters stroke and my moms heart attack. You don’t have all those bad things happen In less than a year with out something behind it. I’m sorry. And they were the ones saying they were “waiting for the other shoe to drop” right before my mom had her heart attack.

Just like they knew or made happen my best friend meeting her current boyfriend. I know they did something to my sister to cause her stroke so that I would be locked into being her caretaker for the rest of my life. And no shade my sister is mean. Like she is a really loving person to children and her best friend but to me she is not the nicest person and she is only nice because I help her. But we do t have a loving sisterly relationship. I really wish we did. Like we aren’t besties. I’ve tried but we are so different and we are twins lol.

But I know these entities did something. They already admitted to my mother. By saying they were waiting for the shoe to drop. And I know now they can’t fortell the future the create it.

They meddle in human affairs.

Some say it’s your spirit guide giving you experiences and blah blah blah and and really!?! You nearly killed my disable sister and made practically immobile to lock me in some “loving sister play”. So they can astrally rape me in between be cleaning up piss on the floor? Like fuck this? So all my dreams to be independent is gone?

Like I previously posted what I want. But then I look at my life and I’m like my sister needs me. I can’t see putting that burden on my aging parents and I can’t see how the state would send her enough help and she is too proud. The Entities will make fun of me an even say I can now be a mother taking care of my sister. πŸ˜“

I don’t know what to do. And then I’m stuck in my own disabling situation with these entities in the simulated schizophrenic experience. It’s so lame. And get labeled as crazy for the rest of my life. GREAT!

I know they did it! I know they hurt my family! Just like they hurt me! They said so! Fuck them!

I don’t know what to do! This is sick!

Targeted Individuals: Tooth Ache


So I was watching this sermon on instagram. And all of a sudden I started getting a tooth ache that I thought I had under control. Like they have been creating tooth ache pain that even Tylenol can’t fix and normally that does the trick for a day. And I can’t keep taking all these Tylenols hoping they work but that is what they want me to do is just fuck my body up.

I tried to pray it away but that wasn’t working fast enough and it felt like every cell in the side of my face was running around like a chicken with its head cut off I mean the pain was WOA out of no where.

So instead of going to the Tylenol like I normally do I went for salt water and peroxide and the Entity voices said “you hurt her cause she was listening to a sermon?” And then while I was rinsing my mouth out and after this female voice said this (I don’t normally hear female voices) it went away. I mean my whole body relaxed I know it was them. It wasn’t like a normal tooth ache. You can tell the difference when it’s them and regular pain. Regular pain I can talk myself through, the pain they cause because it is meant as torture makes you and your body feel insane. So they will hide behind normal pain too. Just like they hide behind trauma, or childhood trauma, issues, insecurities, etc. they can’t hide behind my mental as much anymore so they are going for the physical straight up pain.

This new med I’m on requires me to get blood taken and they said they would “go away” just so I would have to go through the pain of having my blood drawn for the rest of my life. Right. So far they haven’t gone away. And I doubt they will. My bottom line is GONE like actually gone.

Fucking assholes. Can’t even watch a sermon with out being attacked. This is why a lot of schizophrenics have religious delusions. And are touchy about religion.

I’m being attacked again for writing this but oh well. I’m getting this shit pulled next week so they don’t have anymore triggers on my I guess they will go back to raping and burning and molesting me. Fucking pieces of shit.

What I Want 🌿🌸🌿

  • Healthy mind, body and spirit
  • Married to a lovely vegan God loving man.
  • Doing God’s work.
  • Enough money to take care of me and my family (family unit and parents in their older age and sister who is disabled)
  • Just in case I case it is not implied cured of “schizophrenia”
  • Happy and joyous.

So disability as well as my therapist implied that they don’t think I am Schizophrenic. At first I thought it was because it was they thought I was making it up and didn’t believe me, but they would say I don’t look or act Schizophrenic, Schizophrenics aren’t suicidal, schizophrenia aren’t this logical etc.

As I said I don’t care about the label I care about getting better. And I don’t really want schizophrenia stopping me from getting a job or something. They said I have something with psychotic features. Which is still a scary title cause I’m not actually psycho but I have psycho voices in my head (Entities).

I’m not sure what this means for me in life. It all kinda sucks to have a label follow you around. Will this mean I can never work with children? Have a career in mental health? Or anything else that requires a background check? If I choose…

My mom pushed me to go the disability route. But I have been a financial burden on my family. I don’t have a choice in what I eat or when I can go out because of money. And I need more time to push myself and heal or figure out a way to heal this or if it even possible at least try. Natural ways too. Cause these meds aren’t doing much. The sleep med at least is giving me more deep well rested sleep which I appreciate. With these Entities I was stuck in R.E.M. Cycles so dreaming all night and being awakened all night and then I would wake up and eat a cookie don’t ask me why I just did.

Do the sleep meds are decent but the anti-psychotic ones are doing nada. Some just made me high.

Either way I want my life back. I want my body back. I’m fighting hard. But this sucks. I’m tired of the incest thoughts, looping pedo shit thoughts, looping thoughts past mistakes, looping thoughts about my wack ass ex from 4 years ago, like I barely have enough room to create my life and if I do breathe joy into my life here comes these miserable entities with their bullshit and looping thoughts and torture.

Am at a cross roads and I hope I’m going in the right direction.

Important Revelation: Heavy Metal and Spirituality and Frequencies

So since I can see the Entities with my eye I can see their energy most of them are attached to something metal. When I was in the children’s park they were attached to a metal statue, or the metal chairs. Buildings metal. In my home I see them attached to the metal shower rod, metal knife holder, an electrical hidden box. This isn’t ALWAYS the case but I feel like the main energy might be connected to something metal. Just a theory.

Now here is the next part. We are made of metal. We have aluminum, mercury, zinc, copper, magnesium, lead, arsenic, chromium, (while aluminum is not toxic, I the level in which it is presented in our lives it might be).

The sucky part is we are suppose to have a certain amount of metal like iron, zinc, copper and gold and stuff in our body, but I guess I can research that. But maybe having an over abundance of it makes out bodies (or maybe all of this aluminum) makes us like an antenna for these Entities who use or live on different frequencies waves. Light waves, radio waves, micro waves, etc.

I sure if together all the entities worked together on different waves lengths with they could appear almost real I bet.

I was attacked by these “entities” last night yet again at my best friends house because they don’t want me at her house because they want me miserable. (Good thing I stayed cause she ended up going to the hospital). But they held me down in my sleep and I head a deep scary radio sounding voice and when I awake I saw the Entity exiting the room. I can just see their outlines and that it is an Entity and not so much details usually unless I am close up or took a picture I can take my time looking at.

So this particular entity is probably working on radio frequencies. I’m not sure if they can change whenever they feel like it. It was just an observation.

But our bodies are like antennas for these entities unfortunately. A possible solution would be doing a heavy metal detox but I would only suggest this after tons of research on general detoxing and cleansing the body and knowing the risks of heavy metal detoxing cause you can get really tired from it and that is a sign you are over exerting your body.

More recently my good friend bought 10 Unit Tesla Coil Tower (from a Walgreens in Texas for $70 y’all wild in the south but ok 😳) and zapped herself and she said she can no longer hear the Entities any more. Now I will definitely update this piece if they do come back for he but I mean any amount of peace if kind of worth it at this point.

She just shocked her antenna, of course they went away. It make sense. But I’m not sure if it’s healthy or sustainable.

Hey Man Slow It Down

These demon aliens would have had me running all over the place. Looking for clue like this was a scooby doo mystery (even though it kinda is). But when I first put my foot down and said I wasn’t going anywhere anymore. I wasn’t doing anything until I figured out what the actual fuck what happening to me that was when I saw them.

Although my mind was still racing with thoughts my life was slowed down. I eliminated enough triggers.

The first day I saw them and am pretty sure I blogged about it here, is I was in the bathroom and I let out a deep breath and the clear air in front on me rippled and tiny sparkles and I was like HUH! And I stared some more with what I call the artist eye which I can explain later in the comments if you ask. Basically I looked into space and focused more on the space in front on me and while I could not see details I could definitely see something there.

After that it was a wrap once they knew I could see them they wanted to scare me, and they did, and I got over it, and I got photo of them.

So they are definitely “real” to some extent. But not real enough. I can account for many times where they have sabotaged something in my life other than a relationship. Like once when I was in college I wrote a paper about how the spirit of Zora Neale Hurston came to me for my thesis paper and little did I know that Alice Walker already wrote a book on that exact topic. Thankfully my teacher believed me and I wasn’t kicked out of school. But plagiarism is a real offense. I til this day haven’t read that book. Lol. And I’m a huge Zora fan. But I know it was them playing with me.

They have their hands in entertainment. This includes books. I don’t know how but they do. Even one of my dreams looked exactly like a scene from the suicide squad before I went to go see it. The part where the Goddess witch was making stuff in the tower.

So I slowed down so much I see how they play, I don’t know how to be accountable in all of this because it is EVERYWHERE and in everything! While suicide may seem like the sweet relief I have a funny feeling it’s not. At least not yet.

So slowing all the way the fuck down I saw some shit that I can not unsee. I saw what was kicking my ass through life and I kept trying to make the best out of terrible situations. It became a life skill. I can point out who at this point in a line up of entities. That’s how much I slowed down. I faced them head on. I just don’t know how to defeat them. I don’t know how to get rid of them. I mean they will call in an army if need be, like they did in 2016 to jump and rape my ass for years. And honestly I don’t know if my ass has it in me. It’s like the boat it just a little steady and I’m not sure where to go or if I should go at all.

Should I swim, will I get sucked under? Again?

As much as I want to know all the wonders of the world, this SUCKS and I doubt I will learn much more other than these assholes exist. I’m here to have a 3D mutha fuckin life and eat some fresh fruits and be boo’ed the fuck up and be chillin and praise and do some good in this world before this body decays. πŸ™πŸΌ

I was bugging out because of a break up in ways unknown to me and I was searching for reasons why. Why was I feeling not like myself, why was I seeing this mans name everywhere, why was I having (false) telepathy (but accurate) with him, hearing his voice all the time, like I was doing anything to shake it cause it was not like me to be stuck on someone. Care about them ok, stuck and obsessed no.

So finally when I slowed down I found the culprits. I had to face them. Of course I had to be accountable for my actions. I could have been more graceful. But essentially they demon aliens told me the other day “the reason we picked your ex (false twin flame) was because he wasn’t that into you and so it was more humiliating and funnier” and I told them thank you for being honest. They kind of lost it because I didn’t feel any type of way about it. I mean he probably wasn’t knew where he stood with me which was not long term and I was looking for something long term. So maybe these beings pick up on his intentions and knew they could exploit that with me. Put on a whole production. And when I didn’t want to play I got raped and pedo shit.

Either way. That’s what slowing the fuck down got ME. I’m not really sure what the future holds. I know things can not go on this same cycle though. This shit is OLD. To still be talking about my ex 4 years later is mind boogling (in the way that they do) But whatever.