Illusion of Seperation

So!

Do not mistake “the voice with in” for channeling. Do not mistake your magic for the magician.

Often I believe that visuals of how we receive information. Stories, mythology, religious/ spiritual material, what people tell us, anything really.

How we receive this information may not be as intended. I mean the words are there. How its applied or filed in our system is another thing. 

We know our intentions. For the most part. 😞

Yea Yea Yea all is one. Ebb and flow. We effect each other. I get it. 

But in the spiritual community there are A LOT of imagery! We hold on to these in one form or another. 

For instance. “The voice with in” … “Your magic is with in” “contacting your “higher self””.

Why on earth would you be seperared? Fractured? Lost to find pieces of yourself in some dimensional hierarchy. 

What that is saying is that YOU are not perfectly made. Sitting with yourself means talking to yourself or something else… Some other part of you thats just been waiting for you to meditate?

No. 

People out here thinking they connecting with some divine God or Goddess, promise you that’s a big NAH. Promise you it ain’t your loved one that passed on. Anything will step in and give you comfort, meaning, a direction ….. For the mean time.

A lot of these concepts have this underlying tone that YOU …. YOURSELF aren’t able to make decisions for yourself…  Because you are separated. 

And if you think that….. promise something else will step in and start making those decisions or reconciliations for you.

I made that mistake. Not consciously. I wanted to know WHY did I feel different! Not myself! And it was because I wasn’t. I was being prepped, to be taken control of. 

You are not some little whispering voice deep down inside of you. You are not separated from yourself in anyway…. In this sense that the “higher self” is something to obtain through hours of meditation. It is making the best decisions for yourself/others. And being OK with and accountable for that. 

Now I mean for me…. As someone who has an “entity attachment” that has basically said it was every god, goddess, demon, alien, spirit guid, entity, cartoon character, loved ones passed and alive, even my fucking cat….. Anything under the sun. I can see where sitting down and shaking these “entities” off so you breathe and make a decision not based in anxiety. I get it. 

But please do not mistake your own guidence, your own feelings, your own true and whole authentic self….. For anything out here wanting to take control of your life. 

So lets groumd some of these concepts back into reality. Fuck that blue guy crumbling and being “rebirthed”. Fuck that orange and blue twin flame photo about divine love cause love does look like some flaming bird people. Its messy.

Believe me its easy to get caught up in the story. It could be anything. But don’t let anything catch YOU!

Frequencies

Soooo I’m bored and I started recording parts of my body with the recorder on my cell phone. (Yea crazy whatever could be worse). 

But I’m heading all kinds of strange chirps, frequency blips and radio-esq sounds coming out of the recording. But only on my upper body…. So neck up. 

A few of the recordings have some sounds on it…. One has my own voice saying “oh my god” faintly. But I never heard that said (in my mind), or thought it or said it out loud. So Yea I have few strange recordings and they all sound like radio-ish. Like the recording of the “frequency” is much lower than the tone or pitch that I hear (if that makes sense). 

But honestly I’m recording this shit and I’m like was I really going to take my life for a fucking radio frequency mofo? This asshole has the vibration level of a refrigerator. 

Seriously?

I don’t know. I want to test it out on someone else to see if they hear the same thing I do (since you know I hear shit). But I’m pretty sure my head area shouldn’t be chirping, blipping and making radio tuning noises.

I don’t care what it is…  Shits stupid and lame!

Everything will be used against you

That means EVERYTHING.

Everything said, didn’t say, thought, didn’t think, do or didn’t do, seen or didnt see, believe or don’t believe will be and can be used against you. 

WHY? To confuse the shit out of you!

I look at (most things) things from its purest form. To understand.

I look at these concepts of karma, or past lives, or religion, or mythology, in its purest form was for healing and or preservation. 

Its when all this other stuff cones in a clouds its meaning and intention. 

Say religion/ belief of any sorts…. Is kinda the first form of science and expression of psychology.

But then comes power …. And you can draw your own conclusions from there.

My beliefs were used against me in this experience. Whether it was/is beliefs in the “spirit world” or God, morals, politics etc. Good or bad…. They were all used to my demise ….. For pain and torture. 

For instance this thing acted as my grandpa twice in my 20s …. I held this moment special… I thought my grandfather or papa legba was watching over me. Or something to that extent. It wasn’t developed thought as it was a passing moment. But it was this demon/ spirit/ voice/ broken part of my brain. Whatever.

To my demise (against me) because it was untrue. It was false. It was not my grandfather …. Or legba (both wore hats that’s why I was confused). It was a test of my nativity….. And I’m sooooooooooooooooooooooooo dumb. 

So I’m stuck here between truth and ignorance. 

Not a fun place to be. Its painful. Sometimes …. Often I wish for the dream……. the ignorance back. Obvious reasons. But what is truth? I’m not trying to burst anyone’s bubble…  I mean that can be dangerous with out proper preparation. But do we ever truly get to prepare for life? Sometimes.

Just trying to stay grounded and authentic.

Authenticity and Healing

1. I am not sure it was an implanted belief or not. But at some point I had this…. Idea that I am suppose to pray and wait for this Entity/ Demon thing to leave. 

Some days I would just walk around chit chatting with this thing like we are besties letting it drain me of my energy. And then it shows me an image of child abuse or does something gross or rapes me in my sleep. And then I go back on my quest to get rid of it.

I’m tired and very confused at this point.

So I had to get rid of this guilt about looking for a solution for my own healing. That I looked outside my faith in God it was dark magic. 

Not all methods or concepts of healing or protection I fully understand. So there are some ideas that go against my belief or experience.

I finally came to my own conclusion…. Whatever this thing is….  Entity, alien, demon, djinn……  Why would God want me to sit there and take it and not fight back anyway I can? Why I sit here and act like this thing is my friend when really its draining my life force, showing me sick shit and using Gods name to control me. Why would God be upset that I tried to find healing, understand it or create it?

2. Being as I have researched this Entity Attachment from EVERY possible angle and belief system…. Its been difficult to figure out what mode of healing works best. I’ve tried many. I’m also upset that people took my money with out ever really helping. But it’s not that simple it seems. And I feel like I have to fully understand energy, mysticism and healing for myself to get rid of this thing.

I mean I’ve studied herbs and nutrition, as well as financial and community health….. But now spiritual health it seems like I will have to dive into. I’m strong enough in myself. I think………… Its just this attachment will make it difficult to really study. I can barely read anymore ….  That’s why I write. 

I’m sick of being bullied and defenseless.

3. My experiences don’t always corelate with a single “belief system” or knowledge base. So figuring out what something REALLY is …. Can be tricky. But I also like understanding how or what it may corelate with OTHER belief systems as well.

Example: I see flashes of light/ sparkles. 

Belief #1: your angels are around you.

Belief #2: your auric field is being attacked by an entity.

Belief #3: your eyes/brain needs to be checked. Retina damage or floaters.

Belief #4: ascension upgrades/ coming into your “gifts”.

These are all different and kind of conflictibg. I am sure there are even more beliefs around this one experience…. But finding what is true at least for me. And while I have found so many half truths…. I haven’t found any whole truths just yet.

(I’m being choked into tears as I write this right now) What are the importance of tears anyway? I try to stop. I hate crying now because it doesn’t feel like a release anymore it feels like manipulation. 

4. Maintaining authenticity. In one group…. Someone is telling me I need to stop drinking coffee…. Stop doing this or that…. Don’t listen to certain music…. Surrender…. Don’t be at meat, Just wait it out….. “You are going through a storm to recieve your blessing type amen”…… Like I don’t know y’all. 

I have to be myself. I like coffee, cigarettes, listening to Flatbush Zombies and I’m pissed off. If course I want to better myself! But its just doesn’t feel right just stripping my life of everything I enjoy…. And sitting here and waiting it out. That is no different than this Entity. 

I have to re learn what works for me …. Considering my life circumstance right now (ie. Entity and watching my twin sister). 

But my priority is healing and removing this entity because I think he got confused somewhere down the line.

Just trying to stay grounded…. But also open. 

1111 Movement and “Spirituality” 

Twin flames, Angel Numbers, Arch Angels, 1111 movement, “Light Workers”, ect.

I came into 1111 “movement” thing because since I was young I saw flashes of light and sparkles, when I was around 28ish basically I started seeing the 1111 along with 777 everywhere. 

I always loved symbology as an artist so. When I found out that the flashes of light AND the numbers popping up meant “my angels were around me”. I felt comforted as not too long before some dude attempted to rob me at my job.

I finally found an answer to the flashing lights that wasn’t a tumor…. And a reason for everything in my life coming up 777 receipt, bus fare, numbers on my spread sheet. Insane. But that’s part of the game. 

Still not fully understanding (and still not), in 2016, those “angels” became “demons”. Who once had my trust played all kinds of games and tortured me. And there was one. Just one cause I’m not that special. Just one that played so many characters through the delusion. 

So unfortunately ive some to my own conclusion that this angel, love and light, 1111 movement is just a distraction and is based on a lie. If they were actual angels of love and light…. Great. But they are not. They are not assisting anyone in evolving or ascending or whatever you want to think.

Thinging you “ascending to 5D earth” or this whole “clearing karma” is not much different than the “doomsday peppers” or judgment day or rapture. Like that guy who predicted we were all gonna die on 12/12/12. Cheat you out of your life and work. 

They do the same thing with other beliefs and religions it seems.

Its sad that a beautiful concept is now being used to entrap people into a lie. Like how many people are out here talking and channeling “Arch Angel Micheal” ? Doesn’t he have better things to do than to be giving tarot card readings? Maybe I’m just being too logical.

I’m not fond of lies. I mean that’s why you even go to a tarot card reader? To find out the truth right? Meanwhile you are boldly being lied to.

This guy gave me a book to read “Conversations with God” trash. That ain’t God! I haven’t finished it cause this demon keeps making it gross like everything else…. But I’m gonna finish it before I trash it.

I wish I knew the answer cause I would tell you, but these things are out here deceiving people. No you are not invoking Isis, Ochun, Thor or anything else. They are a lying to you. 

Now if they want to tell the truth…. Cool we can have a conversation. But the only way they will is if they make it seems like they have power over you. That they are greater than you. And Yea they have a few tricks for our brain…. But if they were really that amazing there would be no need to lie or hide or hurt people and call it “Ascension symptoms”. Ain’t no light worker helped with this shit yet. All they doing is making pretty crystal grids and praying to their own demon while taking peoples money. 

Getting tired of the bullshit. 

My assumption is that they are pathetic lonely beings all going to the same school to spook people…. Cause they ain’t got nothing else better to do with their formless existence but try to cheat you out of yours.

Spirituality does not mean sitting her playing with fucking spirits. It means being aware of your own. 

You want an awakening. There it is. 

Wake the fuck up!

Musing of an Archon (link to blog post)


https://ogdoas.wordpress.com/2014/01/27/musings-on-the-archons/
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So I had another friend who said this seems like an archon. So because this entity has shown me soooooooooo many images/ visions of what I know is not it. I decided to look to see what it may look like. I honestly expected like alien looking thing. 

However I got the image above. So what’s funny is that I actually see this thing either “inside my eye” or in my “aura field”. It is clear/ fuzzy/white …. Can change it’s shape, sizes or turn into multipuls … Line up ect, also I occassionally see a bright flash of light in the same area. Either way I see it. And I don’t remember seeing it before. The turn up in 2016.

Now I also wonder if its the “actual archon” or its hook(s). Yes they deal with religion, and demiurges (like mine to smoke, eat or watch zootopia 100 times a day.) Demon play, God, darkness fear. They some how latch into the neverous system or auric fields to control…. but again my understanding is limited to this experience.

Try this exercise: if on a clear blue sky sunny day …. Or on a cloudy overcast but day time. Stare into out into the sky …. Do you see a circle? Or two? It kind of moves with the with your vision….so you might only be able to see if for a few seconds. I know some people will say “that’s a floater” but if that’s what you feel cool. For me a floater wouldn’t turn into a perfectly straight line of circles and change. So…. You might also notice like little fast sparkle ish stuff as well. I’ve seen that for awhile and don’t feel anything from that…. Specifically but I could also be wrong. But you might see the sparkles. 

You may also see a white pulse like light if you close your eyes but that’s less frequent.  Either way try it. If you don’t see it. I hate you and you are so luck. 😊 Joking! Kinda. But seriously that’s a good thing. 

I said in a forum, whatever it is that they get from us. Isn’t there a better way of getting it that’s not so gross? Just saying. There has to be a better way. I mean while I’m like both middle fingers up to these assholes….. I’m also what’s the point of driving people crazy to get what you want? As we understand that there are things outside of our animal kingdom…. Can we not co-exist in a peaceful way? (We haven’t proven ourselves in the animal/ plant kingdom, but you know what NEITHER HAVE THEY so they need to cast judgment on themselves)

Some examples…. Since I can hear an “Archon” telepathically….. Could an Archon help someone who is deaf? Could there be a mutually beneficial and compassion realationship for each others abilities that doesn’t result in kamakazi suicide or depression?

Same thing for someone who is blind. Since I get all kinds of “third eye visions”. I know this may be outside of the box and unorthadox. But idk I’m just writing out loud.

Unfortunately they lie…. A LOT …. Like A LOT A LOT …. To the point even if they did tell you the truth prolly still think it’s a lie. Much like in the article above many, like myself, who are in direct contact with one, most do not get any straight answers. Soooo………. ? 

I mean as much as I would love to step on this thing for what it did/ does to me. I also would like to envision a world of truth where we can co-exist and at least STRIVE to be mindful of each other. Neither of us are perfect…. But some how we’re are in our own way.

However I never EVER agreed to this thing being in or staying in or entering my life. I am just trying to understand. 

Just some thoughts.

I miss me.

Will I have to live with this the rest of my life? 

These implanted thoughts, sensations, visions. 

Maybe 30 mins ago as I was laying down calm… The Entity flashed this crazy close image of Bill Cosby and said “there you absorbed Bill Cosby”. I replied “He’s dead?!” I guess I thought you “absorb” spirits or whatever. 

The Entity said “You will have to lice the rest of your life in this shame, since you want to stay here.” Essentially saying that I will have to live with the sick images/ visions, insane thoughts, disgusting sensations because I won’t kill myself.

And so will I? Will have have to live the rest of my life like this? 

I’m tired of debating with this Entity. I complain about this all the time. I’ve laid it all out till I can’t even repeat it any more. I don’t want to. I just want it to go away. 

I’ve tried every possible thing you can think of. Seriously….. 

There is no immediate justice for what I am being put through. It is invisible. 

I’m being told it is me. 

It is not.

And all I can do is sleep this pain away. In intervals. Between living for someone else…. And barely surviving for me.

If I ever wanted magic powers this would be the time. If I ever needed God…. I need God more than ever right now. Not before or after…. Now. Now.

Because I can’t. 

I take this day by day. I make light of it… I make fun of the insane thoughts… Humor to keep myself afloat even when the Entity sends sick thoughts or images. Dry humor. 

Desensitized, numb….. Bitter.

Bitter that doing the best you can in this world gets you this. Raped at night by the invisable…. Choked during the day until your eyes swell up with tears. Thoughts that race that aren’t even mine. 

I miss my mind…. My body. I never missed me so much. I don’t care if that seems narcissistic. I miss me. Life wasn’t easy…. But at least I tried to get by the best way i know how with me. Going through the matrix of what my original thought and how it was then twisted and distorted added on to and then told it was mine.

I won’t say can’t live like this. 

But who would want to?

The point . 

So what’s the point of all this? 

Almost every belief torn down for what? 

Torn down and still shimmers in its beauty, essence, goodness. Beautiful stones that were used to build prisons.

So now what? 

I will not bow down.

You and your kind have lied to my people. Misguided…. And divided. And we are done. The lies are sooooo deep we even think they are good.

So why are you still here?

I am no longer interested in entertaining your game…. Or play… Deception

We’ve come to a point….  And your side seems desperate.

Leave!

Mandala Effect and Targeted Individuals

Just some thoughts.

Mandala Effect I wonder if the mandala effect has to do with “targeted individuals”. I mean I wrote it off as just people being misinformed. I mean our memories aren’t always the best. But there is also our “minds eye” or “third eyes” or “imagination” so when we are asked a question we access it in some way. So I wonder if those who believe something to be one way and not the other are under “mind control” as “targeted individuals”. Just a theory.

Gang Stalking. From what I read many people believe they are being stalked or followes by a group or organization. And while this may be true as a “target individual”, one I doubt they would make themselves so obvious. And two its a part of the “paranoid schizophrenia” “play”. In my own experience the VOICE  or Entity, whatever you want to call it…. Would make me believe it was my ex and his friends doing this to me. Then it moved to my place of work and it was my coworkers. Then moved to my home and almost everyone in NYC had something to say about me. Talk about gang stalking, how about about a whole borough “bullying” you? It was/ is intense to say the least and makes it difficult to go outside and engage the world like I use to. Once I realized this is impossible… For EVERYONE in NYC to be talking about little old me things changed. Once I realized it is impossible for my ex and his friend (who lived on the other side of the country) to psychic telepathic access to me to bully me. Things changed. Once I realized that THE VOICE(s) were talking too fast to be two different people things changed. So while it still happens some times…. I don’t believe it. It is just ONE Entity simulating this nasty ass shit.

As I said before, like I wonder if this how people get hurt or go crazy and hurt people thinking they are doing this shit to them, or suicide cause they are lost in some sick simulation overlay. 

Types of voices. You may notice both a pitch or frequency accompanied by a white static noise. Try ear plugs and touching certain parts of your body like ears or neck … Or affected areas or closing your body in yoga positions. The tones may change. But I pray that you not hear them if you are uncertain. The types of voices I noticed are as followed.

Main Voice: I’m not sure if some people are even able to get there. But once you get past the paranoia or characters or actual people that IT is hiding behind … You may find one voice. I’m not sure how that may play out for individuals because each have a different experience. But this is in relation to “targeted individuals” and the feeling of “gang stalking”. My particular Voice or Entity attachment…. Is intelligent, manipulative, obsessive, lies, I could say creative, but for this experience is absurdly abusive and inhumanly psychotic. May present itself as an archetype of authority, God, Jesus, Goddesses, Buddha, Ex partners, Bosses, Satan, Aliens, Angels, Parents, etc so that you feel powerless. Which in that moment may very well feel true. This “Main Voice Entity”, orchestrates most of the experience. The main voice may very well emulate YOU. So while its orchestrating it is suggesting you (light images, memories, or actual “subconscious thought”) how to respond or placing false feelings.

The Scream: This one often sounds like a distant scream that repeats over and over. Usually negative. May be “fuck you” or “bullshit” or “you’re crazy” “you’re ugly” or something that means something to you. Tends to rhyme. At one point I called it Rumpelstiltskin. But repeats it over and over again. This one also tends to be melodic. So you may hear music like sounds off of running water or other ambient sounds like a fan or humming of a car. 

Voice(s) / Gang Stalking: So this one is difficult. One, being paranoid is natural in natural situation. Walking down a dark ally sure. Stepping out of your house to get some almond milk in broad daylight…. Not so much. The Voice Entity is an opportunitist and will exploit any situation. So if you think your Boss passed you up for a promotion it is going to maybe you felt down or depressed … angry…. This Entity Voice will make you go postal… Hopefully not literally.

So my theory is that The ONE Voice Entity controls the “many”. The one that sings, the one that screams in the distance, the one that says your name randomly, the one that make you think people in your life are out to get you (but hey who knows), the one that makes you think your being gang stalked, that the TVor radio is talking to you, talking to dead relativites or people far away, The one that makes you think you heard someone say some crazy shit and they didnt, the one that makes you think you are taking to goddesses or aliens. 

I can’t say what this…. Exactly… But that is what I have realized for myself. It doesn’t make it any less debilitating.

This post is just on voices I could go on about the whole experience. But it rarely ever makes any sense. So as with “targeted individuals” while I can relate with the experience and can see it relate with other experiences as well (spiritual awakening “purging” “dark night of the soul” or Kundalini symptoms and “surrendering”ect) there is always that one piece missing. 

Who, How, and Why?

Targeted Individuals (pt2)

I’m really not be one for conspiracy theories. I do love a good fanatsy film but I’m not so sure about living one at this point.

I perused a few “targeted individual” forums on Facebook. There seem to be a lot of similarities between “ascension” or “kundalini” symptoms and the symptoms of “targeted individuals”. I have found connections between a LOT of the different beliefs or theories BUT not one answer as to WHY or WHO or HOW. 

Apparently some lady sue some guy for “electronic harassment” (you know that static in your ears or that voice in your head, ect) and won, but she found who it was I’m not sure how this applies elsewhere. I mean logically to me if a man is electronically harassing someone I (court of law) would figure out where he retrieved the technology to do so and regulate there. But that’s just me being logical in an illogical world.

So these are your average everyday folks who seem normal having not normal experiences. As I said schizophrenia is either suppose to be one percent of the world population (which is approx 72million). Which is a lot but not lot a lot when you add up people hearing the voice of god(s), psychics, ghost hunters, alien watchers, schizo’s, demonic entity attatchments, witches, time travelers and whatever else you can come up with.

Most seem to have some sort of religious connotation, but I guess with an experience like this one would def seek God.

In the forum a few people talked about the perverted experience of being a “targeted indivual” or MK Ultra or whatever. 

I blanked out the names but these are also public posts below.


There is a theme of perversion. Hard working people with families having to struggle with this type of experience. Both men and women fearing for their lives and their children as well. And dare I say unnecessarily. Fear base experiences that have nothing to do with the essense of that individual. Or even their true psychology.

I’m not one to dive deep into conspiracy theories….. But this is waaaaaaaaaay out of control. I actually don’t care what IT is…. But I do want this to cease and desist not only for me but for others as well.

There is always a carrot. If its not something or someone it is your own personal freedom. 

What causes one to have a better delusion than the other? What triggers it? 

Either way some of my findings on this sad sad SAD road to probably no where.