Dark Web

A friend had inquired about the “dark web” on Facebook and people began to describe it. Someone said that you can use bitcoin to watch someone get killed. 

Sometimes I wonder if someone is doing something to me. I mean there is “radio” like sounds coming from my head, and next and vag. So I don’t know maybe someone has extreme technology to do this to someone.

As I said there seems to be a main “one” that kind of orchestrates the distant scream bubbles, the two talking on the TV, or a “set” which is like almost being submerged in an environment.

I thought if it is possible someone could do this to someone. Maybe I could find out how, and get my life back. 

I don’t know. I would like to think humans are better than doing something like this….. But then realized after reading the comments about the dark web…. That they are not.

I just don’t know. I just want it gone.

Just thinking. Which seems to work against me at times, because this Entity uses it for a story at a later time for its own entertainment. 

Here is what I DON’T get….

So we are humans…. With a capacity for a wide range of emotions….. Some indescribable…. And if you are creative… Maybe you paint them, write a song, a book, dance them…. whatever…. 

You say that we are born here with this capacity…. And then told, that if you mourn the death of a loved one or watch a scary movie (anything sad or scary, or whatever you deem a negative emotion) you are inviting …. Handing over your life to some Dark Entity to feed off of? 

The fuck?

First of all some of ya’ll need to understand these things feed off your ignorance mostly. 

The “child hood fears” and “shadow work” is just the icing on the big ol’ ignorance cake, cause most of y’all don’t even know what the fuck this shit is.

Channeling this and invoking that. Is just playing make believe with these things. 

Now I’m suppose to be afraid to feel sad because some asshole demon monster alien is going to drink my tears out of a sippy cup?

Be numb? Afraid to express myself?!? 

Nope. Shits fuck up. I’m not with this program.

Being “positive” doesn’t mean we don’t feel sadness or anger. I think even putting ourselves in these traps of what TO do and NOT to do …. To create hierarchy…. And missing the focal point completely. 

Sounds of the Entity

So ….. I have a bunch of recordings where I scanned my body or areas around me intuitively. Usually it was were the Entity hurts me the most.

Ears, top of head, and yes vagina. 

Yes I recorded my vagina. 😔

And the sound of the Entity is 3D… The material world… Sounds like a electro static frog cricket thing. 

A few times I caught it sounding like me (and I didn’t speak), or my ex …. nothing as eleborated as it does in my mind. But for the most part that’s what it does.

So if you are curious record the areas that you feel are being affected and see what you hear. 

I did it with my phone. 

It doesn’t help with understanding what it is.

But I am assuming that with out my mind, life or identity…. It only sounds like and electro-frog thing.

That’s all. 

Illusion of Seperation

So!

Do not mistake “the voice with in” for channeling. Do not mistake your magic for the magician.

Often I believe that visuals of how we receive information. Stories, mythology, religious/ spiritual material, what people tell us, anything really.

How we receive this information may not be as intended. I mean the words are there. How its applied or filed in our system is another thing. 

We know our intentions. For the most part. 😞

Yea Yea Yea all is one. Ebb and flow. We effect each other. I get it. 

But in the spiritual community there are A LOT of imagery! We hold on to these in one form or another. 

For instance. “The voice with in” … “Your magic is with in” “contacting your “higher self””.

Why on earth would you be seperared? Fractured? Lost to find pieces of yourself in some dimensional hierarchy. 

What that is saying is that YOU are not perfectly made. Sitting with yourself means talking to yourself or something else… Some other part of you thats just been waiting for you to meditate?

No. 

People out here thinking they connecting with some divine God or Goddess, promise you that’s a big NAH. Promise you it ain’t your loved one that passed on. Anything will step in and give you comfort, meaning, a direction ….. For the mean time.

A lot of these concepts have this underlying tone that YOU …. YOURSELF aren’t able to make decisions for yourself…  Because you are separated. 

And if you think that….. promise something else will step in and start making those decisions or reconciliations for you.

I made that mistake. Not consciously. I wanted to know WHY did I feel different! Not myself! And it was because I wasn’t. I was being prepped, to be taken control of. 

You are not some little whispering voice deep down inside of you. You are not separated from yourself in anyway…. In this sense that the “higher self” is something to obtain through hours of meditation. It is making the best decisions for yourself/others. And being OK with and accountable for that. 

Now I mean for me…. As someone who has an “entity attachment” that has basically said it was every god, goddess, demon, alien, spirit guid, entity, cartoon character, loved ones passed and alive, even my fucking cat….. Anything under the sun. I can see where sitting down and shaking these “entities” off so you breathe and make a decision not based in anxiety. I get it. 

But please do not mistake your own guidence, your own feelings, your own true and whole authentic self….. For anything out here wanting to take control of your life. 

So lets groumd some of these concepts back into reality. Fuck that blue guy crumbling and being “rebirthed”. Fuck that orange and blue twin flame photo about divine love cause love does look like some flaming bird people. Its messy.

Believe me its easy to get caught up in the story. It could be anything. But don’t let anything catch YOU!

Hidden Place

If you can’t tell from the titles of my posts I am a huge music buff. Since all of this hearing screaming and lyrics all being directed toward some instance in my brief relationship with my ex (“twin flame”), I haven’t been able to truly enjoy digging for music as I use to. 

I mean I can listen to anything from trap to classical. 

Either way, right now the entity is at a volume say ….. 15% ish like it turns up on the TV at night when it wants to play. Or does that whole dramatic screaming thing. But the one that is (I think) is projecting all of this nonsense that’s actually attached to me doesn’t want to speak directly much now.

Just drive me insane with these false characters (idk I call them energy bubbles). While it trying to control MY THINKING and response. So it uses these other things as a way to distract me so that it can influence my response.

Same themes. Child abuse, My Ex, (are the most talked about) but also just plain old disgusting sexual stuff, death, illness, racism, threats. 

I mean I can take a dirty joke here or there but SHIT!

So now its in hiding again. 

When I found out it wasn’t God (I mean I knew that but whatever), Jesus, Alien, My EX, shit mother fucker ain’t even important enough to be SATAN.

So when I started asking WHO are you?

WHAT are you?

It started turning down in volume cause it done ran through everyone and I disproved it.

Now it wants to quietly run my show. 

But no fuck that it needs to go back to where ever it came from. It needs to leave.

I wish I would have recorded my body earlier but oh well. Like all this electric noises should not be coming from my head and vagina.

So I want to make sure this thing is GONE no more hiding and waiting after I worked so hard to fuck my life up. 

Nope GONE. 

Coward.

🌹 Forgiveness + Understanding 🍃

As I said before in a previous post. I didn’t do anything to deserve this. 

Much like people who have “done me wrong”, I try to understand them. I might “demonize” them in the beginning because I need to get out of the situation that doesn’t feel good, but soon at some point my mind tries to figure things out…. What did I do? What did they do? How can I do things differently in the future?

So now I am in a situation, where I hear and feel and see some “entity”….. But I can’t truly prove it (even with recordings someone will say its doctored), I can’t defend myself, and I’ve never truly seen it. Only images/ visions. 

I’ve tried to understand from almost ever perspective. I try to understand why this entity (much like the other people in my life, friends, family, lovers) hurt me. Usually this leads to compassion and letting it go either the issue or the person.

But I truly tried to figure this one out. Why I did this entity attack? What did I do to allow this to happen? What is IT? Why is this happening to so many people all over the planet?

The only thing is that…. I can’t let it go. I don’t know how to. And it will not let me go. And I just lay here waiting for that day….. And wasting my life listening and feeling crazy shit all day.

As much as I would like to say it was past life, or karma, spirit guide, awakening or whatever…. I can’t. Yea the each have been woven into a grand “storyline” to distract me from the main question.

Why did you hurt me?

Each day it makes less and less sense. And I just have to be OK with that. Because it never truly does. 

Update I posted in a forum:

“In forgiveness there must be understanding …. And through compassion from understanding …. Are we able to achieve true forgiveness…. Because we see ourselves in them.”
How to do you heal and forgive in a lie?

Question: Why did it contact me?

Why did this entity reveal itself to me if it won’t tell me, why its here, where it comes from, how it has access to me or got here or what it really is…….?  (!)

Like what’s the point now?

Like people, speculators, healers will give me EVERY reason in the world…. Some story to believe in…. To heal from…. To reconcile. But nah… There is nothing to reconcile. I’m calling bullshit on some of this. Abuse is abuse! I don’t care if YOU can’t see it…. Or understand it. Its spiritual energetic abuse…. With no reasoning.

If this was from a past life…. Can it just jump or attach to my mom or my ex like it keeps saying it will or has? Hmm that doesn’t make sense to make other people “pay” for something by using them. Hmmmmmmmm..

You can sit here and tell yourself that you’re being spooked the fuck out because of arbitrary “past life” if that helps you cope. But all we have is this life NOW. And whatever this is is trying to cheat millions of people out of their NOW.

So its here. They are very obviously here…. Whatever you want to call or visualize them as…… Terrorizing people …. Humans or whatever…. For what?

At this point its opinions are invalid. 

Annoyed, tired, over it.

Boogie man

Now this mother fucker is seeping into my dreams. 

Volume at 20%. Still feel buzzes, still hear white noise and tones. Sometimes it will make my hearing go out like a gone…. And then turn up in volume.

But now its putting nasty porn and children in it in my dreams. It trys to say its because it doesn’t want me to sleep so much and wants me to wake up. But that’s a fucking lie. Its jolted me out of my sleep, plus my sister wakes me up all the time. I was up all day taking my sister and my cousin who was hurt in a hate crime.

Piece of nasty shit. 

Like I’m fucking done waking up pissed cause of this shit. Before it choke me until I was unconscious and go to sleep …. No its sayibgbit wants me to stay up by showing me nasty ass porn?!!? If I wanted to fucking see I would its easy. So clearly I don’t. 

There is no excuse.

These spiritual people are like send if love and light. You know what this thing did with love? Turn into rape. You what this this thing did to light turn it into lies.

I need to figure out how to banish this thing. Its disgusting. There is no reform for it. It does not gave permission to be here and I’m tired of seeing these sick images. Fucking nasty.

How do I kill this miserable piece of shit?!!?!