Mandala Effect and Targeted Individuals

Just some thoughts.

Mandala Effect I wonder if the mandala effect has to do with “targeted individuals”. I mean I wrote it off as just people being misinformed. I mean our memories aren’t always the best. But there is also our “minds eye” or “third eyes” or “imagination” so when we are asked a question we access it in some way. So I wonder if those who believe something to be one way and not the other are under “mind control” as “targeted individuals”. Just a theory.

Gang Stalking. From what I read many people believe they are being stalked or followes by a group or organization. And while this may be true as a “target individual”, one I doubt they would make themselves so obvious. And two its a part of the “paranoid schizophrenia” “play”. In my own experience the VOICE  or Entity, whatever you want to call it…. Would make me believe it was my ex and his friends doing this to me. Then it moved to my place of work and it was my coworkers. Then moved to my home and almost everyone in NYC had something to say about me. Talk about gang stalking, how about about a whole borough “bullying” you? It was/ is intense to say the least and makes it difficult to go outside and engage the world like I use to. Once I realized this is impossible… For EVERYONE in NYC to be talking about little old me things changed. Once I realized it is impossible for my ex and his friend (who lived on the other side of the country) to psychic telepathic access to me to bully me. Things changed. Once I realized that THE VOICE(s) were talking too fast to be two different people things changed. So while it still happens some times…. I don’t believe it. It is just ONE Entity simulating this nasty ass shit.

As I said before, like I wonder if this how people get hurt or go crazy and hurt people thinking they are doing this shit to them, or suicide cause they are lost in some sick simulation overlay. 

Types of voices. You may notice both a pitch or frequency accompanied by a white static noise. Try ear plugs and touching certain parts of your body like ears or neck … Or affected areas or closing your body in yoga positions. The tones may change. But I pray that you not hear them if you are uncertain. The types of voices I noticed are as followed.

Main Voice: I’m not sure if some people are even able to get there. But once you get past the paranoia or characters or actual people that IT is hiding behind … You may find one voice. I’m not sure how that may play out for individuals because each have a different experience. But this is in relation to “targeted individuals” and the feeling of “gang stalking”. My particular Voice or Entity attachment…. Is intelligent, manipulative, obsessive, lies, I could say creative, but for this experience is absurdly abusive and inhumanly psychotic. May present itself as an archetype of authority, God, Jesus, Goddesses, Buddha, Ex partners, Bosses, Satan, Aliens, Angels, Parents, etc so that you feel powerless. Which in that moment may very well feel true. This “Main Voice Entity”, orchestrates most of the experience. The main voice may very well emulate YOU. So while its orchestrating it is suggesting you (light images, memories, or actual “subconscious thought”) how to respond or placing false feelings.

The Scream: This one often sounds like a distant scream that repeats over and over. Usually negative. May be “fuck you” or “bullshit” or “you’re crazy” “you’re ugly” or something that means something to you. Tends to rhyme. At one point I called it Rumpelstiltskin. But repeats it over and over again. This one also tends to be melodic. So you may hear music like sounds off of running water or other ambient sounds like a fan or humming of a car. 

Voice(s) / Gang Stalking: So this one is difficult. One, being paranoid is natural in natural situation. Walking down a dark ally sure. Stepping out of your house to get some almond milk in broad daylight…. Not so much. The Voice Entity is an opportunitist and will exploit any situation. So if you think your Boss passed you up for a promotion it is going to maybe you felt down or depressed … angry…. This Entity Voice will make you go postal… Hopefully not literally.

So my theory is that The ONE Voice Entity controls the “many”. The one that sings, the one that screams in the distance, the one that says your name randomly, the one that make you think people in your life are out to get you (but hey who knows), the one that makes you think your being gang stalked, that the TVor radio is talking to you, talking to dead relativites or people far away, The one that makes you think you heard someone say some crazy shit and they didnt, the one that makes you think you are taking to goddesses or aliens. 

I can’t say what this…. Exactly… But that is what I have realized for myself. It doesn’t make it any less debilitating.

This post is just on voices I could go on about the whole experience. But it rarely ever makes any sense. So as with “targeted individuals” while I can relate with the experience and can see it relate with other experiences as well (spiritual awakening “purging” “dark night of the soul” or Kundalini symptoms and “surrendering”ect) there is always that one piece missing. 

Who, How, and Why?

It’s Hot!

Since this Entity has decided to attack have never been so use to …… Thinking so loud. I am aware that even before I would speak to this Entity in my mind….. That there is a thought before that…. And maybe even one before that.. That sparks maybe what is known as thought.

So for instance …. I was thinking about (non mental verbal) how humid it is and traveling to go see a friend…. A vision/ image of pores of flesh flashed in my mind so lightly quickly. Then the Entity yells out “It’s HOT!”. I, trying to access my original thought said, “No I meant humid”…. A moment after I asked the Entity, “Why do you do that?” At which the Entity replied, “To make you go CRAZY!”. I just sat there in my first moments of waking up wondering……. why?

I went to go get some coffee and the Entity proceeded to go off about how it doesn’t care about me…. And just the usual negative bla bla. Trying to control my thinking as per the usual.

And I still wonder why? Still? I mean I realized most of the tricks…. So why are we still doing this? 

Defeminization 

So I realized I guess today …. Tonight…. That this entity defeminized me through a mixture of ways. 

  1. I Am Isis
  2. Child abuse
  3. Cutting my hair
  4. Gaining weight from stress
  5. Numbing

My spiritual naivity made it easy to suck me into its game…. By first testing super imposing (audio) over what other people said. Because I wouldn’t respond to it…. That made it easy to slip into the idea of Telepathy because I was too scared to say “Hey, I feel like I’m hearing you saying this in your mind”. That is why it needed to keep me away from my Ex.

It TOLD/forced me to call myself Isis (the divine mother archetype) so that it could lure me into the storyline (through separation from my ex twin flame) and then “giving it away” to a much prettier woman. Or insinuating i was becoming Osiris. It started telling me I didn’t know how to act like a lady. Forcing me to sit up straight, and cross my legs through “energy”. Often I felt choked, harnessed or collarded into sitting up straighter than normal. But I wasn’t opposed to having good posture….. But being controlled. 

I had always identified as a tomboy or two spirited as I had a hard time relating to societies social standards for women. It was my way of finding comfort by rejecting it. I was OK with that. But I soon understood I did not totally understand what it was to BE a man really. And while I used the tomboy/ two spirited identy as a crutch towards understanding I can be female…. Feminine and still not fit the mold. I slowly found my own brand of feminity that I was comfortable with and appreciated. Not because society or a partner or some entity forced me. But because I just was.

This included my the notion to be a mother. I never thought about having children because I was in a Queer relationship and I have PCOS (which can make it difficult to conceive). So it just was never on my agenda. After my best friend gave birth (to my godson), of course it came to mind. I mean the CHEEKS…. I am a sucker for pudgy droopy baby cheeks. And this was my first time feeling love and care for a child. I had to take care of him as a new born because my best friend was in the hospital for a month from heart failure and the father bailed after she found out he was trying to find dates while she was in the hospital. This was the first time I ever care for and fell in love with a baby. But my main priority is that he had a mother and and that she was good… She is one of my closest friends. So she soon got better and and did her mom thing (she was staying with me through the pregnancy because she had to quit her job close to the due date) and I tried to help out since the father bailed. Soon after my lease was up and we had to go our separate ways. But I we always hung out like every other weekend …. And I would watch my Godson if she was short on cash for a daycare. And just due normal aunty duties like birthdays and Xmas gifts. I was content with that.

I can’t say that having one of my own didn’t cross my mind. I loved him and even though he was rambunctious it wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be but I also understood that the day to day mother routine can get the best of you. I know my BFF wanted to pull he hair out sometimes as a single mother which is why I would offer her a day off. 

I also worked with youth at an after school internship and found value in that. Just making learning fun. But when this entity attacked …. I could no longer engage in my work and mission as well as with my Godson (or best friend because I don’t think she will understand and I don’t want her to) whom I miss so much. I miss them both. And I miss the community in worked with (entity forced me to quit saying to sign my resignation all day and acting like my boss). And at least trying to make the world better…. Even if it is one life… Or for a moment… Or one place.

Once this entity attacked in 2016 it forced me to cut of my hair …. By telling me to …. Because it said I was going to have cancer anyway. So I buzz cut it…. Cause I just wanted it to stop and go away. Then it went on and would say I looked like a man…. Or ugly or a dyke, or I look like a child molestor now. And so forth every fowl name you can think of. I didn’t want to look in the mirror NOT because I thought of myself as ugly but because I was tired of hearing this entity say all these crazy things as I looked at my reflection.

Some one who wanted nothing more than the safety and celebration of generations…. I just don’t see how this happened. Being called a child molestor ALL DAY and working with youth does not mix well. And I quit my job hoping the nightmare with this entity would stop. The entity first said I was enduring this to become a mother with my ex twin flame. I rejected it. I was like its fine…. I won’t be a mother I guess you can stop this child molestation game. Quitting my job and rejecting this (false) “offer”. Didn’t help it go away.

It continued…. And still says “you will never be a mother” and compares my taking care of my twin sister who had a stroke to motherhood saying “still doesn’t make you a mother”. I in no way thought that taking care of my sister makes me a mother. I just pulled on all of my strength… To assist through my own difficult time and to deal with the emotions of seeing my sister unable to take care of herself. I also had to learn to step back as she is an adult as well and hates to be told what to do (I guess we are the same in that regard). 

After quitting my job I had to force myself out of the love spell this entity put over me for my ex (twin flame). The entity showed me images of him with other women, mimicked his voice as he degraded me all day. I soon came to realize that it wasn’t my ex …. And still till this day the entity tries to convince me it is my ex or for the reconciliation between my ex and I that it tortures me all day.

I no longer felt like myself, looked like myself. I didn’t feel pretty not the outside but the inside. Getting dressed up for a date took all of my energy. I didn’t enjoy the things that made me me. I ate too much to cope. Smoked to much to “calm down”. My once bleeding heart became numb because I could no longer allow my emotions or mind to be manipulated by this entity. And I’m still looking for the logic here.

My own brand of femininity and self acceptance was compromised. Destroyed. 

And I only hope ……… I can heal yet again. 

Surrendering?!?!!!

What the fuck y’all surrendering to? You don’t know what or who…. The fuck are y’all doing? 

Everyone is just like “surrender to the process” and all this shit and why? Because fighting harder? Resistance is futile? People out here getting exploited and played….. Not only in the material world…. But mentally and spiritually… 

My volume was just put on blast….

Fuck that.

Its like you can’t save everyone cause most of us are in lala land…  And there is nothing g wrong with lala land (ie. Being “asleep”) but there is something wrong with the fact you can sleep in fucking peace.

As I said I don’t know WHAT exactly is going on but I ain’t with this fucking program. Shit sucks on top of sucking. If I actually surrendered to this thing I would be dead OR WORSE an actual predator. 

If you ain’t enjoying your rest …. Then you might as well wake the fuck up.

People really need to question the information they are being giving. Higher power who?!? You know how many times you are lied to in a day? Why would a sentient being be any less the same? This mofo said he was God, Osiris, and Fat Albert …. That is one hell of a sequence of incarnation or its bullshit…  I’m going for the latter.

Y’all be careful out here cause they will go after everything you love and cherish just for shit and giggles and say it was your choice…. And your fault. 

Let Go and Let God 

9. You can stop a Kundalini awakening. Unfortunately the answer to this is also “no”. I have worked with a lot of people at this point who have been to well-meaning healers who “teach” people how to stop their Kundalini, or treat it as anything from a possession state to mental illness to an energetic aberration that must be “fixed”. This causes a lot of chaos, pain, and emotional/spiritual damage and trauma to the experiencer of the Kundalini awakening. What can be done is to process whatever is coming up, to surrender, to let go and let God, so to speak. There are specific tools that can be taught, understandings that can be had to come into better alignment and have a better relationship with Kundalini. Once you are out of your first three chakras things typically improve a bit, or at least are not so physical in scope, and you have a better perspective of the process. There are teachers, such as myself, who can help you learn these skills. There are also many healers, such as CranioSacral therapists, who remain in a neutral, witness state to help you process energy and the trauma, emotions, etc. that are coming up.

—————

I Google searched “how to stop Kundalini”, I found this article with much disappointment. Because I’m done. I’m over it. I want my life back….. Not like the things but my actual life. To get out of the coma…. “Cocoon” phase…. How long is a cocoon phase? Isolation and imprisonment are two VERY different things.

I wondered if I am having two different experiences at the same time. Both a natural “kundalini awakening” as well as an Entity attack. To my understanding Kundalini is when you have this over surge of energy and abilities…. Come into play. But wonder if both your abundance of energy and “abilities” just make you more appealing to whatever entities that have been hanging around. To either play around with or cultivate/ harvest somehow for their own gain. 

Just a theory.

I don’t know what else to say. I mean if I had/have and abundance of energy or natural abilities it would make sense that an Entity would want to use them for their own gain or get rid of me. But why? 

I try to be careful of the stories allow myself to believe but these are kind of facts at this point…. I have experienced a lot of “kundalini” like symptoms and this entity has tried to get rid of me or make me crack into insanity. 

I also caution myself from a Grandiose idea of who I am or know myself to be…. As I am a human clearly flawed and vulnerable. I always thought my super power was kindness and often jokingly called myself a Care Bear…. Because I knew how ridiculous it is to want to save the world. But I know my place and my limits.

Maybe I wasn’t protected enough…. I never had spirit guided or animals or angels …. Although it was fun to look up the symbology. 

Just a theory …. Entities lurking around waiting for you to go through our natural metamorphis for either gain or to snuff it out. Filling our minds with all kinds of stories and fears to distract us from our simple transformation.

Maybe thats why so many people are having these botched ass awakening…… I mean I can understand confronting ones fears….. But living in a purpetual state of fear? Having these commonalities among so many people loosing their shit. This Entity seemed like he had too much fun with this for this to be an Angel in disguise.

Just a theory. I am open To being and hope to God that I am wrong.