Is this really my life? (Last night)

Im just complaining again.

I just see all my friend making moves having kids and wedding and successful careers and relationships and babies and going back to school just i am sitting here being pimped and raped and molested on the astral realm in the most vile ways ……….. alone.

The voice had the nerve to say oh i can go do something with my life. Well i was doing something with my life and it decided to show my vile images of child abuse forcing me to quit my job. And i am already waiting on disability. Because between the migraines, my body vibrating, my vagina being burned, the physical heavy energy of these entities amd seeing, hearing them non stop and feeling them I just dont know what the point of trying to take on any major responsibility if they will just attack me when they feel like making a bet of my life.

I tried to take on babysitting my Goodson once a week and that honestly wipes me out for two days after. And thats pretty easy stvleast easy compared to all of what i use to do.

I just hate this. And i am just trying to go through the process with some hope but after nights like last night…….. I dont know. I dont even know what the point of having a body is….. But then i remember others dont go through this level of intensity. Indont even want my body any more. Its just being used for vile things and thoughts and beings.

Last night i felt a very heavy very large entity trying to sitting on top of me. My groin area as usual. I didnt try to look at them closely like i normally do cause then they electro shock my system to simulate fear but if i was scared i wpuldnt have looked in the first place and they look like dumb cartoons ANYWAYS. But i didnt feel like being electro shocked in my system. And i told them to get off of me they are tresspassing. They are not welcomed. Get the fuck out of my friends house. I threatened to take a photo of the entity with my “longExpo” app on iphone that takes good photos of them, even though i really didnt want to do all of that. And it went away for a while and i tried to sleep again. Then i was awakened and i heard the main voice i always hear talk about money (like he use to with other entities at my house last year) and i tried to fight off the new entity and just knew at some point it was pointless. And it vibrated my body (some how weird visions of cats came into the mix) and the new entity made this wierd gross sigh of relief making me feel so gross and used last night. And other voice said something like you scared her (with the sigh).

Like not only do i have to be used by dudes in 3D i have to be used by these invisible entities in 4D. And i hate having a body now. I hate it, its pointless. It’s not mine to have. I dont want to be here anymore. I wish there was another planet i could jump to but i cant…. Probably doesnt even exist. No wonder everyone hoping for aliens to come down and take them mean while im not sure if they are the ones raping me so i am screwed either way.

And a friend told me this is “the highest honor” we can do for our people and stuff and im not seeing how being raped and used and literally like pimped on the astral is helping that. And like im gonna be a old betty talking this non sense in a senior home is that really the life i got to loom forward to? I worked so fucking hard to get out of homelessness and just be there for others when i didnt have much ….. And just do my best and work hard. And really? This is what life’s got to give me? Entity rape guised as schizophrenia?

Because everyone believe a good ghost story until its your best friend getting raped in another dimension.

Just OVER IT! I thought i was making some headway to be honest and last night was a reminder that they are waiting to pounce me at any given moment. Im fair game for some reason. EVERYONE ELSE is protected by the blood of jesus but my ass.

I really really really fucking hate my life right now.

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New Age: Channeled Messages 👽

So before i go into this topic i wanted to make a note that last night i was sleeping and these demon assholes woke me up at 5am shouting and screaming in almost a helium voice. And then i wake up and i felt a humming vibration leave my body specifically my head and move to the left of me on my bed.

I could see the energy swirling in the air and a shadow on the surface of my bed. I saw it moving around back and forth like a tornado standing still……My sheets started moving like there was actual pressure on the sheets. While i was frighten at first cause i just woke up i as always exchange my FEAR for CURIOSITY. I watched it for a little while to make sure i was seeing what i was seeing. And then i just said “you guys are assholes……” (for waking me up at 5am) and went to the bathroom.

So they make it so hard to sleep at night for some reason. Also as a note my eyes are very tender today. The vibration feeling was at other spots of my body as well. And i figured this is how they make dreams feel so real sometimes. But maybe im wrong. Not sure totally the purpose of vibration energy. Anyways just making a note.

CHANNELED MESSAGES

So in the New Age community there are a lot of Channelers. Or people encouraging others to be “clairaudiant” or clairsentient ect. Which basically means you can sense or communicate with non sentient beings…. energy …. whatever.

There are some that listen and relay the message and there are people who allow the beings to speak through them.

Sigh. Yall!

Like first of all most of these people have no idea who or what they are talking to. Very few of us can see these beings fully. Only in part. Like you may only see the light magic illusion/vision they show you but not their true for walking the earth. Or you might see just the energy clouds of their being with your two eyes but not the actual form. The demon/aliens that I SEE…. LOVE to “play”. This can be in our waking life or dreams. They love to take on different personalities (real or made up). And they are able to do so THROUGH US. If they dont have a conduit to an audience, does it really matter? A bald headed casper the ghost looking alien was pretending to be telepathy with my ex in the begining. Even sounded like him too. But it wasnt my ex, it was and entity of sorts probably with a costume on. (YEA I KNOW THAT SOUNDS CRAZY!). But i have seen them use masks and like put coverings on. I honestly can’t even make this stuff up. Its not even what i want to bring into the world. Tbh.

Like y’all out here channeling and allowing just any ol’ entities to speak through you? They are PLAYING YOU! It is not some someones grandma or paladian alien or arch angel ect! Like get your shit together! You are renting out your body part time to a being you have no idea what it is or its true intention. Do you have sex with just anyone? And even if you did have sex with someone that is appealing (in one way or another) ….. What is to say they are not lying to you just to have sex with you?

That is what you are doing with these beings. Renting out your body to unknown beings. While these beings may enter my body …… I DO NOT CONSENT! So essentially they are rapists and trespassers. Who is to say they will not feel entitled to your body at some point? And just start taking you over and blacking you out when ever?

I mean i first thought it was a spirit or an angel (oooo pretty sparkles)…. Then telepathy with my ex….. Then reptillian and mantis aliens….. Then just old fashion demons….. Want to know why? Because no matter WHAT the situation was……… There was a LIE in there. They were lying about SOMETHING. And that takes time, observation and discernment to really see.

Like im not really trying to play with these beings. They hurt physically. Even when they try to give “pleasure” with soft touches or air lightly blowing or even forced orgasm….. It’s creepy AF.

One of the first times i encountered a “spirit” it pretended to be Zora Neal Hurston (who i adore) as my school project was on her life and legacy. And i wrote a piece about how she came to me in spirit during my studies. DO YOU KNOW Alice Walker wrote a short story “The Ghost of Zora Neal Hurston”. I found out because my professor asked if i had read anything by Alice Walker. I said No. And found out the Walker wrote a story similar to mine. So these demon alien assholes were out here trying to make it look like i was plagiarizing! Which could have got me licked out of school. ASSHOLES! It took me reviewing my life to see where they played me like this.

Im sorry but yall are getting played and spreading the SAME STUPID MESSAGE EVERY SINGLE TIME! EVERY TIME! from different channelers too! “The shift is happening” “ascension is on its way” “twin flames unite next month!” “New energies are on its way”. You all should be ASHAMED of yourselves for what you are doing to the public to get a buck or attention. Same messages since like 2011!

Yall are playing with/getting played by DEMONS. And misinformating the public at the same time which is opening more people to getting played and getting attacked and keeping them from God!. Thats an awakening right there!

Smh. So done with the shit!

Love and light! 🙏💩

Difficulty Praying 🙏

I have a difficultly praying. For a few reasons. I never prayed for anything before really. I never asked God for anything and just kinda took life in strides taking the punches the best i know how.

Ever since schizophrenia/demonic possession i prayed for salvation and deliverance. I begged God for mercy! I even prayed for the demons like a ditzy dumb dumb ditty because lightworkers said to show them love. That tgey can not survive in love.

I never wanted something so badly in my life.

The demons (now knowing they are) would actually force me to pray. And was trying to force me into Christianity in this really abusive twisted way. While i always believed in God and Jesus, i took a more spiritual route and did not identify as a Christian. To be honest a lot of it IS a trigger for me. The demons wanted me to pray for pedophiles and child molestors. I’m not sure why but my assuption is because they know i hate them so much. And i did. I thought it might….. i dont know save the world some how. Stop it from happening. They would force me to weep during prayer…..

Then i would hear them in one of their plays/games saying “she crys when she prays” as if it were something special. They played me. My spirituality was no longer becoming authentic. It was forced….. Tampered with. A joke….. a game of suggestion.

I tried praying only when i am convicted and that feels much better…… But inbetween i just say “thank you God”. I hope God understands why my prayers or praise is so short. I dont want it tampered with.

It’s a trigger for me to be honest. Both the fact a DEMON was at one point trying to force me into Christianity and prayer….. Just makes it feel super icky. But then on the other side of the coin they were trying to convince me there is no God.

Either way i have to be at least true to myself the best i can even if its a fuck up. Like im not gonna have this demon toying with my faith and emotions for whatever reasons.

😐 womp.

Condemnations can lead you astray 🤦🏻‍♀️

For me personally I do not believe in condemning people (most).

Life is hard! Like really really hard! And that’s even for a decent charmed life. Even more so if you were left to fend for yourself in some way shape or form.

A man in my Schizophrenia Group was contemplating suicide because he could not take it anymore. And all these people were digitally vomiting those sound bites we have all heard before “suicide is selfish” “you hurt your family”….. basically guilting and shaming someone who is already filled with guilt shame depression anxiety and fear. These commenters where condemning him because of he was clouded by his current pain. When he needed some one to care….. listen….. relate.

Another aspect of condemnation is that these demons engage in it like it’s their job. There are religious demons FYI. Forcing people into a very negative form of religion. They called me a whore, a faggot, a child molester, lazy, told I wasn’t praying hard enough, just to name a few. The demons where actually trying to force me into Christianity. 😳 why? So they could further condemn me and excuse their rape and molestation. That I deserved this. No one deserves this and the ones that probably do don’t suffer. They are just chilling going about their life like my rapist.

The condemning by the demons made me further excuse some of my actions. Become more stuck in duality because I knew I was doing the best I could at that moment. Did I want to sleep with a creepy old guy for money when I was 19 ….. NO Big NO l, but I didn’t want to be on the streets when my ex didn’t have rent money and it was due in days. I tried to assist my cousin out of sex work as well with out condemning her but showing her there are other options, ones I wish I had prior. And she finally went back to collage and finished her degree.

We need compassion for those that are hurting. Stuck. Lost. Suffering in spiritual warfare.

One of my favorite pastors, Pastor Mike Todd of Transformation Church in Tulsa OK, explained that the church should be the “Hospital for Humanity“. When he said that, I knew this was the place for me even though I live all the way in NYC.

We have to meet people where they are at fearlessly. I have been sitting in this hell matrix for so long being raped by demons that I honestly don’t even care anymore. They will take out my back or sides and make it hard to walk sometimes breathe…. but I walk. I try to meet people where they are at and show them compassion and trust that God will transform their lives in time.

My best friend was an alcoholic. And I saw her life spiraling out of control after having her son and the father disappeared the day after. And I didn’t know what to do. I had previously intervened on another friend who was using meth and I thought that walking away to “not enabling” him would make him stop. And it didn’t. He still uses and holds a big grudge towards me. So me not wanting to lose my best friend and my godson I just prayed an honest prayer. To protect her and these babies. And it took rock bottom and almost losing her son but she finally went to rehab and is a recovered addict. But the whole time I supported and loved her. I may have been selfish in my silence, but I didn’t know what to do and I gave it to God….. one of the few times I actually prayed for something. And she is now in her own place and going to school and goes to meetings and doing well. Not easy but well. And I am proud of her cause it was Gods work and God giving her the strength to do the hard work too. And I thank God for saving my best friends life!

In my situation I need to humble myself a bit more but I definitely wasn’t going to have a demon lying on me and saying I am a pedo! Or even that I am a whore cause I’m not!

I know I have to improve my life and I look to God for correction but these demons in extreme duality are only here to further lead you astray with misinformation. And to make you feel abandoned by God. They were even telling me there is no God at one point. Lol and I’m like says the demon talking to me in my mind…..ya uhuh OKAY! 👌🏽

Most of our “sins” stem from deep pain and poor decisions and even ignorance. We must be given the chance to grow and correct ourselves through God. But I do NOT see how being raped by demons for 4 years helps growth.

So we as humans must show compassion. And have faith in our cases and causes that God will prevail!

❤️🙏🏼❤️

Awakened or Woke? 👀

Lol at this image tho. Like my skull felt like it was literally being cracked open like an egg by tgese demons.

Im not gonna lie. I drank the red kool aid. Like guzzled that bitch down like it was a chaser. I wanted answers and the New Age knew EXACTLY what to sell me.

Prepped with spiritual memes….. FB posts showing up on my timeline about the “1111 awakening” “are you seeing 1111?” Which is basically an initiation into their demon matrix to see how easily suggested you are. Angels and seeing pretty sparkles lights….. Orbs.

Awakening. I thought it would be like an awesome DMT trip. Maybe i would meet my “spirit guide” or a loved one….God…. Maybe the angels that i THOUGHT followed me all this time. I thought i would be in a different place some how. All the cool kids talk about astral projection. Who doesnt want to know what’s out there? Beyond.

But “the veils lifted” or maybe more so the wool was officially pullwd over my eyes…… the “shift happeded” i was “awakened” and i was not happy. At all.

See what i found was …. From my perspective is that from what i see this is just demon play. You are basically playing with little devils. And yea they maybe nice to you at first. Say they are an angel or a goddesss (mine did), but they lie and want to rape you and play with you and force you into suicide or misery. So that is the short version.

Ops so your awakening is fun…… Must be “the dark night of the soul”. Like yall got the juice for everything. Honestly dark night was being demonically attacked with nothing being able to stop it. They controlled my mind and body. They could insight false emotions ranging from a “happy/love” to “depression/suicide”. I knew it wasnt genuine. I could feel it in my body. These werent my genuine emotions. And it was sligjtly depressing….. But i knew the difference. “Dark night of the soul” “karmic lessons” are poor excuses for demonic torture really.

These demons place you in a matrix (for lack of a better word) of themselves which is inhabited by smaller little demons … And even smaller ones then that. So small there could multipul ones in your eyes. They are the vital structure and characters in our dreams/visions…… Even you as the onlooker.

So you are in this demon matrix….. Since you have no clue wtf is going on …… You can easily be dooped into thinking its an Angel or a nice being…. Alien maybe even who knows. But we only see or feel in part. Not the whole. Or mayne they only show you their light illusion version (can shape shift into anything) and not what they really look like.

When folks do their astral journeys and such they are really just having some really bright demons playing around in their head. I hate to burst the bubble. Its a dream. An illusion. The demons are the astral and made of aether (i think), something like that. They are made of light and work the aethers. Space. Lucifer was described as the “light barrier”. These beings/demons are made of light as well. And they are all attached to each other in a hive mind like matrix.

Its hell on earth.

So are people really awakened? Because honestly it feels like everyone is just telling a bunch of lullibys to some really scary shit. Like what they do with faries and vampires. Before vampires where like the scariest thing in the world….. Now we got movies where bitches is marrying one and having babies them. Like watered down shit.

I get it. Its scary. Its not fun….. To just accept a bleek reality that our world is over runned with demons who are using you and lying to you.

But its the reality. They are putting illusions over your eyes. And we are drinking the kool aid….. Its our own spiritual death really.

In the New Age community they are talking about awakening and acension ……. And 5D new earth…. 3rd eye astral…. and its always about getting some place other then where you are in the present like its some unobtainable video game. Find your TRUE “mission” when you awaken.

I was of service and dedicated my life to my community for 15 years and maybe even longer if you count as a child cleaning up the forests. And no this doesnt have to mean i was an”indigo child” , i cleaned it up cause it was gross and i wanted to play.

Like why isnt your mission some regular degular shit? Like why it gotta be “saving humanity”…… Buuuuuuuuut you are just basically sharing delusions and false information on youtube.😐

Unfortunately giving a fuck in this society seems like a super power. But its what we are suppose to do. I give a fuck. I give a fuck that my people that are being given false hopes and information to drive them into demonic play that will slowly lean them astray and further from God only confusing them more and possibly loosing all faith if not having some remixed version of the truth.

Are we going to be awakened or woke? Woke to the realities of both the 3D physical plane and the lies of the spiritual world?

Im not playing the game anymore.

Heaven or Hell?

I womder if the poor innocent souls that were tortured through this method of Targeting (targeted individual) or demonic possession or whatever it is…..

I wonder if they go to heaven or hell.

I mean people are tortured even in real life by sick fucks. Brutally. Children. But i just wonder if they decide to take their life because of the torture or living with nightmare afterwards that there is no mercy for them?

Its not fair either way to be cheated out of life in such a manner.

Where is the justice?

The Good Place (spoiler?) 😆

So i am binge watching this series to just keep my mind off things for a little bit.

SO….. I just think that it is funny a bunch of people who think they are not that bad of people actually end up in a complex set up in hell.

I mean i think its funny cause i think of myself as a “good person” but i am currently in this demonic hell matrix.

I mean i am able to laugh at it in a sad facetious way at the dark comedy. Definitely worth the watch for the laugh if you are struggling with this matrix.

Length of Torture 😞

In my previous post the poster said that we aren’t supposed to be tortured for longer that 5 months and then 14 months.

That’s pretty much a year and a half and I have been tortured for 2.5 years and counting.

As much as they try to position themselves as “angels” or “authority” I know they are nothing but demons…… regular ass demons. They can’t even pretend to be good that’s how evil they are.

Their idea of a “good day” is calling me a fat bitch and molesting me less times through out the day. Maybe not choking me or giving me a migraine that day or for too long. But they still will suggest some nasty thoughts, still make fun of me, still on my body……. still threaten my family and me…..

DEEP BREATHS!!!

So apparently I’m wicked for being gay previously and having to do sex work a decade and a half ago to pay rent (it wasn’t even that serious). And I had sex outside of wedlock with my boyfriends and girlfriends who I honestly had hoped one day to marry or have a stable life with.

I guess I am wondering WHY is the torture extended for me? Is time different?

I’m bummed that God only sees me as wicked right now. I have a story ….. some talents …. and a love for God. I’m not sure if it means anything.

Matrix: Astral: Second Life

If you ever built something in the game called second life (I haven’t played in years) but the astral almost seems to have the same concept 2D and 3D like 3D modeling.

There is also something that would happen in the game called “griefing”. Where some nerd would drop a box or item somewhere which would release all of these images or items “lagging” or slowing everyone down or essentially “crashing” the game for everyone.

That’s almost like what I feel like is happening to me and others. An astral grief. Only it’s real and it hurts and I don’t get to crash and teleport somewhere else I’m just sitting in it …….. in pain.

The grief is energetic. And the more it disrupts my energy field the hard it is for me to walk or live. To think or be.

But each grief is and ACTUAL thing it’s not invisible, maybe to the naked eye……. but it can be a dot a bunch of, it can be a projection of an Entity, it can be images outline, so many different things but it’s a thing (vehicle) with a purpose (curse or bless) in my case curse the shit out of me or GRIEF.

Kinda glad I geeked out on that game for a while and learned how to build and not just shop. Helped me understand how these Entities move around and do what they do. How the they build themselves up.

Dark Light? ✨

How do you trust the “light” when the “darkness” is false light. It looks like light. Can act like “light” deities …. ancestors or loved ones?

This entity said to another entity “yea we lit her (me) up like a Christmas tree” mean lit me up with a bunch of Entities and demons and curses beings black magic.

So how do you trust the “light”?

How do you know?

Does it even exist?

Is there even good spirits or spiritual world?

Why are these beings doing this? It seems pointless to me?

10 years of stalking to then try to convince me to commit suicide in the last 3 years? For what?

Idk. Darkness has light….. quiet a bit of it too. Rationing it out for more light or whatever the agenda is. Idk. But they have light. Like a dull lighting. And it sucks that two worlds can not get along …… but it would only make sense….. look at our world but then knowing HOW they influence our world negatively and now are just becoming more noticed …….

BIG SIGH….. just doesn’t make sense.