Length of Torture 😞

In my previous post the poster said that we aren’t supposed to be tortured for longer that 5 months and then 14 months.

That’s pretty much a year and a half and I have been tortured for 2.5 years and counting.

As much as they try to position themselves as “angels” or “authority” I know they are nothing but demons…… regular ass demons. They can’t even pretend to be good that’s how evil they are.

Their idea of a “good day” is calling me a fat bitch and molesting me less times through out the day. Maybe not choking me or giving me a migraine that day or for too long. But they still will suggest some nasty thoughts, still make fun of me, still on my body……. still threaten my family and me…..

DEEP BREATHS!!!

So apparently I’m wicked for being gay previously and having to do sex work a decade and a half ago to pay rent (it wasn’t even that serious). And I had sex outside of wedlock with my boyfriends and girlfriends who I honestly had hoped one day to marry or have a stable life with.

I guess I am wondering WHY is the torture extended for me? Is time different?

I’m bummed that God only sees me as wicked right now. I have a story ….. some talents …. and a love for God. I’m not sure if it means anything.

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Matrix: Astral: Second Life

If you ever built something in the game called second life (I haven’t played in years) but the astral almost seems to have the same concept 2D and 3D like 3D modeling.

There is also something that would happen in the game called “griefing”. Where some nerd would drop a box or item somewhere which would release all of these images or items “lagging” or slowing everyone down or essentially “crashing” the game for everyone.

That’s almost like what I feel like is happening to me and others. An astral grief. Only it’s real and it hurts and I don’t get to crash and teleport somewhere else I’m just sitting in it …….. in pain.

The grief is energetic. And the more it disrupts my energy field the hard it is for me to walk or live. To think or be.

But each grief is and ACTUAL thing it’s not invisible, maybe to the naked eye……. but it can be a dot a bunch of, it can be a projection of an Entity, it can be images outline, so many different things but it’s a thing (vehicle) with a purpose (curse or bless) in my case curse the shit out of me or GRIEF.

Kinda glad I geeked out on that game for a while and learned how to build and not just shop. Helped me understand how these Entities move around and do what they do. How the they build themselves up.

Dark Light? ✨

How do you trust the “light” when the “darkness” is false light. It looks like light. Can act like “light” deities …. ancestors or loved ones?

This entity said to another entity “yea we lit her (me) up like a Christmas tree” mean lit me up with a bunch of Entities and demons and curses beings black magic.

So how do you trust the “light”?

How do you know?

Does it even exist?

Is there even good spirits or spiritual world?

Why are these beings doing this? It seems pointless to me?

10 years of stalking to then try to convince me to commit suicide in the last 3 years? For what?

Idk. Darkness has light….. quiet a bit of it too. Rationing it out for more light or whatever the agenda is. Idk. But they have light. Like a dull lighting. And it sucks that two worlds can not get along …… but it would only make sense….. look at our world but then knowing HOW they influence our world negatively and now are just becoming more noticed …….

BIG SIGH….. just doesn’t make sense.

The Beings Made Bets on my Faith

I got tired of calling them Entities.

Either way the demon entity beings make bets on my life all day….. down to what I eat.

Even recently it took me some time to realize there was a demon in my kitchen trying to control what I eat cause they were making bets and when one of them looses they become really aggressive.

So I think I didn’t listen to one and then every time there after every time I went into the kitchen I started coughing and getting nauseous out grossed out by food or I wanted to pass out one time when I was trying to help do the dishes for my mom and I had to stop. This is all one or two days after. Then I realized how dirty and disgusting they are and how they play.

They would make me feel ill or wrap me in etheric parasites JUST to win a bet! And I’m over here crawling around my housing wondering WTF! This has happened so many times when I didn’t realize. Once told me not to eat my moms food and I did anyway and I was the only one who started projectile vomiting. So fuck these Entities.

So what do they get when they win a bet? Get to feast on my energy first? Points? Hell money?

Early on when this first started 2016 these demons said my mom hired my ex to turn me more Christian. “Meet my maker”. I guess energetically. Idk….. I was loosing my shit at the time. So yea you can see why.

I recently realized it was a bet between the beings to mock my faith. They have no faith so they don’t care.

Forcing me to be “more Christian” was about controlling ME and over me. It took me to see this because I kept trying to reconcile this and understand why the same demons who tortured me into suicide were also condemning me and trying to make me more Christian but then keep me from going to church or enjoying church or reading the Bible. It is insane …….. like they are.

My faith remains either way but I don’t like the way this feels. I take my time with growing in my faith.

But essentially this is their story at this point not mine. They choose to reveal themselves….. they choose to do what they do me.

🙄

Unawakened Father

TRIGGER TRIGGER: Gross 💩

Ok so I wanted to document in my blog how these DEMONS are trying to play me. And I really don’t know what to do. I made the best decision I could granted my Demonic situation and I really don’t know what else to do to DEESCALATE the situation and TURN UP because I know that’s what’s these DEMONS want.

So. (Big deep breath) my father watches porn. I don’t care that my father watches porn. I mean up until 6 years ago I did too but I stopped. I’m not going to porn shame although I hold mixed feelings all together. Shaming others is not the way. Be it the industry or consumers. But yea….. all beside the point.

Point is. My “room” is an enclave with a sonji screen so privacy is so a minimum all it fits is a bed. I try to remain thankful although the loud noises and TVs can really make me want to run.

So my father normally does his work at the kitchen table about 6 to 8 feet from my enclave and because I am awakened at 3 or 4am every fucking night no matter the Benadryls I am normally awake when he leaves.

At first I would make him coffee and a kind gesture if I had the time. And almost felt it was my duty to send him off into the city jungle with a happy toned “have a good day!”. But soon …………. sometime into this ritual I started hearing porn sounds coming from his computer.

First time it was whatever, I laid in my bed motionless as the demons made a huge deal out of this moment and started flashing images of my father penis, or a penis and my father jerking off. And the demons would molest or rape me as the did this all from a moment of moans from porn.

I’ve personally avoided sex scenes in tv shows enjoy (ex: Magicians).

So while I don’t porn shame I do wish I wasn’t around ……. maybe me? I don’t know if I’m being too extra with that. I would rather be asleep and I have tried to knock myself out with 8 Benadryl so I would have to be up at his hour so that the demons can rape me on this incest play.

I wrote my father an email directly to him. Asking him if he could use his tablet and watch porn in his bed room. ” cause no one wants that image of their father” and I tried to keep it none judgmental and more about the fact that the demons harm me. I check his email and I didn’t see it in his email but I know I heard the email notification go off when I sent it.

BUT I think he did it again….. today………. and even if he didn’t the demons are trying to make me think he did so that I turn the fuck up and cause some drama and get my ass kicked out my parents house AGAIN. Like I have to sit there in fear and be molested by god knows how many spirit demons. And I’m tired. I tried to be open and clear and father ignored it and me. And now there’s going to be tension.

This is because the demons for whatever reason want to make me “aunt Joycey“, and I don’t even know what that me at THERE level cause they keep using it as an insult but but my aunts awesome.

There whole thing is that they want me to move to my aunts now and leave my mom who they gave a stroke and a heart attack and my sister a stroke to. And I don’t know why. But I do know they are taking advantage of an awkward situation that I would normally would be able to let go and blowing it up and making me look at my dad differently and really fucked up cause I know it’s not that deep to a man who is unaware and unawake.

I didn’t want to drag my mom into this, cause that’s drama. I didn’t want to mention this again cause drama and I just was hoping he would understand but again it’s already in motion….. it’s already in my head ……. even if he never does again it will loom around will this demon rape me at 5am because my father watched porn. Trying make me run away to my aunt J house?

Yea that’s my life right now.

My Heart 💔

I think I’m going to have a heart attack. Even though my vitals are generally clear they won’t find out why and it will be a mystery.

Even though I am actually relieve that my ex has found love and happy he will start a family.

I on the other hand am still tortured in his name. I’m still raped and pedofiled in his name with his image. Even though my nerves are shot and my hearts in the right place the Entity continues to clench my heart in my chest making it seem like anxiety or pain or heart break every time my ex is mentioned.

So while I am happy for him …… I love to see people win. I am loosing everyday. By what I see hear and feel. Each breath this demon takes away, each skipped heart beat, each lie, each moment I am too tired from pain and torture to actually live.

I know I was the one to check up on him. Maybe I though the truth would stop some of the madness. The Entities telling me I am being tortured to marry my ex. And all other kind of crazy things. I though maybe it would stop but it’s only got worse. Saying sick stuff about their sex life and making fun of the fact I can’t have a child. Just twisted stuff.

Maybe I should have known better. Their is no cure, not enough therapy or shadow work or root work or safe or bath ….. it seem no amount of praying. Will cure this.

I need help! 💩

These demon reptilian incubus archon Entity things FUCKED ME UP!

I’m so fucked up off this shit. Anytime I try to contemplate God it fucks me up, anytime I try to progress it fucks me up, a positive thought it FUCKS ME UP!

I’m confused as shit! I don’t know what’s good or bad anymore in this experience. I don’t know what’s what, do I pray with with a demon cursing my life? I don’t feel like I can pray for anyone cause I am afraid I will curse them just for the shits and giggles of irony from these demons.

They say talk to God….. they say listen to God…. I don’t hear God! I just hear nasty demons. I feel them I see them. I know their set up. I’m stuck in defending myself. Trapped.

Anytime I listen to a message or a sermon of God these demons are twisting every word around to the point of exhaustion. It’s sick!

I’m so tired of the same things looping over and over and over. Incest, child molestation, my ex, some one dying, religious distortion. Like shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I did everything I could possibly do with in my knowledge and ability. And now I’m trying to have faith and just leave it Gods hands. But this is so sick!

What do I do in the moments that I wait? I don’t know what to do anymore. Going outside I have a nervous fucking break down cause it’s pedo shit. Listen to music is automatically about my ex who has moved on and is starting a family. And caring about my family is turned into incest or death every moment of every fucking day and I am tired of this shit!

I know I am not alone and that makes it even worse that good people are going through this bullshit.

I can totally see why people loose faith. I haven’t but I can see why. If it ain’t how people treat you then it’s some nasty demon on your back perverting God.

What

The

Fuck!?

I wish I knew what I did to deserve this. Like really know not this demon conjuring up some bullshit story. Just really know. I asked for forgiveness prayed…. I don’t know why this even exist it’s such a waste of time and energy.

I hate it. I hate these demons….. everything sucks!

Does a Curse make you go to hell? 🔥☃️🔥

If someone or something cursed you or whatever do you automatically go to hell? Like even if you are a decent person?

Like what does it mean to be cursed?

All I see and hear and feel is damn near close to hell. And I have no idea why I would be cursed but there are bad people and beings that do unspeakable things.

But what does that mean ? Are we only cursed in this life or are we then dragged to hell by default because of the things we see and hear?

Idk what this all is. I am not afraid. But I’m kindaaaaaaa over it? I honestly don’t even have the attention span for this schizophrenic demonic reptilian incubus curse.

Snapshot: What I hear. 😞

So I am currently upset with my sister because like all I do is do shit for her and like i was kind of forced into this role and the on top of it hearing the schiz shit and no respects that I don’t want to hear TVs and my sister is always telling me to shut up unless she wants me to do something for her.

Anyway totally separate complicated human emotion shit sister and then the voice comes in and says: “You are such a ……… B. A. B. Y. !!!! You want to be pedofiled like one!?!”

So fuck my life….. Threats don’t even matter anymore because they are still going to torture me anyway.

This is an all day everyday thing. And I’m kinda starting to really be over this life.

😥😥😥😥😥😥😥😥

Hell Matrix

First off fuck Winston Churchill for being a racist.

But I remember this quote popped up on my Facebook feed years ago. Encouraging me to wade through the struggles of capitalism and interpersonal relationships.

But little did I know it could be SO FUCKING REAL. Like shit …… I didn’t mean that shit literally.

Now I see demons and reptilians and shit all day. Hearing some voice that won’t shut up and desperately wants to be human but comes off as psychotic. It’s a lame existence.

Either way do you have a choice?