Energy Releasing 

I know a lot of people say I “need to accept this as me”…. But as much as I want to. I can’t. 

Yes the Entity has been here for some time.

I can often feel when the energy is coming in… And “energy” can be I guess manipulated into many things. This can be the burning sensation or the “other multiple” voice in another room.

The this when I feel the energy coming in…. I can sometime push it out. Or place my hand over a tense area and the energy and mention is remover. Sometimes strange things happen…. Like I can hear this energy almost hit something… Like a knock…. Or maybe I will see more flashes of light. Or maybe the voice will become pissed off. 

If you experience the same I challenge you to stretch (sometimes I would like really really go in), message or lay your hands on those part of your body. Just observes if you feel/ hear a release of sorts.

Its temporary fix those usually it does come back later…. Or sometimes move to a different spot.

Even no…. If I feel a burn or a buzz sensation on my “root chakra” area I squeeze it out and can hear the release in my body then I went further…. And stretched my torso are and heard the same thing. I could hear it snapping and releasing. It has like this squeeky ballon texture sound to it. But its on a cellular level.

This my own observation…. Just sharing.

I learned the hard way what may work for others may not work for me and vice versa. Cause I imagine many white light bubbles around me.

The only thing in my case has been time. But as I said in previous post…. Because of the hideous nature of my attack I can not in good faith and effort sit here and just take it.

Just a quick post. 

Alone.

So people always talk about, spirit guides, ancestors, loved ones that have passed, spirit animals, angels, God…….

I have felt so alone in my life. I mean… I always knew there was something else. But all those something else’s turned into a long drawn out sick joke by this Entity.

So …. No I just don’t know. 

I prayed to everyone. I called out for help…. screamed so loud so that the universe could hear me.

And there was no one there. No answer. No remedy. Or they all stayed silent. And who would stay silent and watch what was done to me?

So I don’t know if I have anyone on my side anymore. And in some ways I’m glad they never saw.

Forgiveness?

I will never understand this entity. Why it is truly here, or how. 

How do you forgive your abuser while you are being abused?

I realize that it is a privilege not be in a 3D physically abusive relationship. And do not want to deminish the severity of intimate violence in any way. But I am using words I know to describe something that I can only describe as an illusion. And the severity is just the same because my life is on the line. 

I feel, I hear, I feel deeply. I see…. I sense…. 

I can’t forgive every moment…… I can’t forgive with out space…… I can’t forgive if I don’t feel like myself………. I forgive if I never heal.

I can’t leave myself. This body.

And this entity won’t leave either. 

Love Gum™

So I was doing a Ho’ponopono meditation and needed to kinda keep my mind focus so I didn’t black out (because of the Entity), or see anything crazy.

So I didn’t do the “white light” …. Like everyone else but I blew a love bubble around me… No particular color…. But the texture was like gum.

So I kept saying my Ho’ponopono (I love you, I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you) as I was prescribed to do. (Can’t hurt). But I decided to make the bubble bigger and bigger, then I visualized me stretching the Love Gum™ in every corner of my house. 

The Entity was doing what it normally does being a negative nelly…… But I just kept my focus on my Love Gum™ spackle and Ho’ponopono. Just the Entity took it a step further this time and started banging on the center of my chest. 

I was startled, more pissed…because it has done all kinda stuff to my body (as you may have read) , but yea the chest is not something that is done often.

So that’s what happened today. Check out the ho’ponopono meditation on YouTube or make your own Love Gum bubble. 😊

🌹 Forgiveness + Understanding 🍃

As I said before in a previous post. I didn’t do anything to deserve this. 

Much like people who have “done me wrong”, I try to understand them. I might “demonize” them in the beginning because I need to get out of the situation that doesn’t feel good, but soon at some point my mind tries to figure things out…. What did I do? What did they do? How can I do things differently in the future?

So now I am in a situation, where I hear and feel and see some “entity”….. But I can’t truly prove it (even with recordings someone will say its doctored), I can’t defend myself, and I’ve never truly seen it. Only images/ visions. 

I’ve tried to understand from almost ever perspective. I try to understand why this entity (much like the other people in my life, friends, family, lovers) hurt me. Usually this leads to compassion and letting it go either the issue or the person.

But I truly tried to figure this one out. Why I did this entity attack? What did I do to allow this to happen? What is IT? Why is this happening to so many people all over the planet?

The only thing is that…. I can’t let it go. I don’t know how to. And it will not let me go. And I just lay here waiting for that day….. And wasting my life listening and feeling crazy shit all day.

As much as I would like to say it was past life, or karma, spirit guide, awakening or whatever…. I can’t. Yea the each have been woven into a grand “storyline” to distract me from the main question.

Why did you hurt me?

Each day it makes less and less sense. And I just have to be OK with that. Because it never truly does. 

Update I posted in a forum:

“In forgiveness there must be understanding …. And through compassion from understanding …. Are we able to achieve true forgiveness…. Because we see ourselves in them.”
How to do you heal and forgive in a lie?

I didn’t do anything thing to deserve this. 

People will tell me that … This is past life…. That this is karma…. That I ate meat or smoked a cigarette…. That I wasn’t christian enough…. That this is “unresolved issues coming to surface”, that this is shadow self… Or I was too sad which lowered my “vibrations”. 

So you’re telling me if someone is sad because someone passed away they are going to be possessed? Or whatever this is? For it never to go away? Haunted?

Never doing or being, something or another….. ENOUGH.

And there is nothing I did to deserve this. There is nothing I could have done to, “prevent it”. What not feel? Not live?

I’ve tried my best…. In good faith… And good will to understand…. To heal… So I could be better for myself, my family and community.

And I haven’t found the cure or solution.

And right now I have to be enough for just me…. And even that’s not enough because I can’t protect myself… There is no amount of sage or magic spell that has cured this.

But I didn’t deserve it. I don’t.

Frequencies

Soooo I’m bored and I started recording parts of my body with the recorder on my cell phone. (Yea crazy whatever could be worse). 

But I’m heading all kinds of strange chirps, frequency blips and radio-esq sounds coming out of the recording. But only on my upper body…. So neck up. 

A few of the recordings have some sounds on it…. One has my own voice saying “oh my god” faintly. But I never heard that said (in my mind), or thought it or said it out loud. So Yea I have few strange recordings and they all sound like radio-ish. Like the recording of the “frequency” is much lower than the tone or pitch that I hear (if that makes sense). 

But honestly I’m recording this shit and I’m like was I really going to take my life for a fucking radio frequency mofo? This asshole has the vibration level of a refrigerator. 

Seriously?

I don’t know. I want to test it out on someone else to see if they hear the same thing I do (since you know I hear shit). But I’m pretty sure my head area shouldn’t be chirping, blipping and making radio tuning noises.

I don’t care what it is…  Shits stupid and lame!