Sloppy

While I’m trying to pick up the pieces of my life I feel so sloppy.

Like I look sloppy, my clothes are hand me downs, my aura is sloppy because it’s basically been raped by Entities, my mind is sharp but still sloppy for me. I sleep too much.

I know I need money, but then I know I need to be able to present a confidence that don’t have. I just feel sloppy.

To unslopify myself I need money too. Like getting my hair done, nails even thought I’m more of a natural girl these things do help. I usually would do them for myself but still need money for the foot soak.

To be honest I have PCOS and it makes me have a beard and shaving barely hides it. The ONLY thing that will get rid of it is electrosis. That cost money.

To see my friends which is apart of my mental health cost money.

I need money.

Depression

I haven’t been writing in my blog much because I am depressed.

There is no more more trying to figure it out. Demonic aliens is my best guess. I can’t stop it with a bubble of white light and salt baths and the med are useless.

So I’m depressed officially. Sleep is the only time I don’t have to really worry about them. They conduct my dreams but I’m unconscious so it doesn’t matter.

When I’m awake I have to deal with the described in this blog. Talking by ex, my father, molesting me, calling me ugly or fat, telling me what to do.

Then they will flip the script and say they love me and start molesting me another way.

It’s too much for my mind to handle every day. I have no room for me and my thoughts.

So womp womp I’m depressed.

Pills 💊💊

My life has become the consumption of pills that are not working to get ride of the voices. I’m on 6 different anti psychotic and I don’t feel different other than grouchy .

So my test to see if meds would work failed . I know people who humor has worked but they are not working for me.

I count my day in my pill box.

For every good day I have the voices make sure that I pay for it.

I’m tired I’m tired.

BLOCKED: waiting for my life to happen

Right now my life is at a stand still. I waiting for something to work in my favor. Anything. The meds don’t get rid of the voices neither do the shamans.

There is a gym literally right next door to me in my building and the guy who would authorize me for a key is giving me the run around.

I didn’t want to get a job until I was a wee bit healthier in mind and body.

I just feel blocked in everything I’m trying to do to “get back on my feet” and not be a lazy lump.

This pastor said you need to get your plans approved by God but HOW? I’m cursed with a demon spirit husband alien thing. I’m trying my best to just keep my shit together.

I don’t know what to do when everything I’m trying to do is being blocked.

What I don’t get….

So like I have this psychopath reptilian archon Entities alien demon talking to me ALL DAY and like I can’t have like ONE angel or goddess or really cool alien talk to me?

Why GOD?

All this one does is scream and hyper sexualize every mundane minute and detail of my life till I want to vomit.

Where are the good beings at? Or is that a joke too?

Loosing faith…..

I will always believe in God.

But all this schizophrenic life this spiritual stuff ……… everyone seems to have a different answer why but no solid solution that has work.

Pills don’t work, salt baths and white light of protection doesn’t work, binaural beats don’t work, meditation don’t work, nothing has gotten rid of the voices other than realizing they weren’t the people they were pretending to be.

That kept them in check not got rid of them.

But I’m loosing faith here.