So another thing (among many) that I see with in this hell matrix that I am stuck in is at my friends house I see all these huge stick figures. Like heads with spines and then tripod foot. And I have seen them shoot off of each other as well. So one long “stick” or “spine” in the middle and then a small head on top and the two “arms” where it seems like arms would almost be. Maybe a little lower or in the middle. And and a small head on each of those sticks.
This feeds into something that I heard a while back that “reptilians travel in 3s” which may not be exactly true to the species but maybe to what is going on as most of us are only seeing in part.
Maybe I am seeing the bare bones of an entity before they can create a creature to scare anyone. And maybe these creatures are 3 parts to them. Idk I’m just thinking out loud. I was told I had 3 poltergeist on me before I knew anything was really going on for real. Just had a funny feeling like something wasn’t right. So I went to a psychic and she said I had 3 poltergeist 😳 cause my lights kept turning out and doing crazy stuff. Another woman a demonologist said my “spirit guide” pick up some new friends along the way. Some real assholes they are that is fo sho.
I have been more attacked at my best friends house like I was at my parents house in the beginning of all of this. They want me to run away like they wanted me to do at my parents. And it’s the same pattern. New look, new house same shpeel.
Of course they keep dangling the attack of my godson in my face. But that is not my choice that is theirs. And I won’t know if they are still attacking him is I am gone. They did they same thing with my sister when I saw them attacking my sister. Told me to kill myself or to run away and they won’t attack her anymore. And I was my sister caretaker during her stroke recovery. Same shpeel.
Either way. I think those stick figures accumulate other Astral parasite from the matrix and create a “light body” of sorts you can do a lot with it if you create it with the right geometry the right matrix. It becomes its own world. It’s where dreams are made. Illusions are created and eventually lies are told.
I wish the lie didn’t hurt this bad. But it does. It’s bad for the soul, the heart, the mind. 5 minutes of these astral demons playing around in our lives can cost us our lives.
That is all.
At this point. Between the regular old stuff, sickness, death, and what I explained as the me millennia games (twin flames, angel channeling, aliens etc )
The biggest one we are working on is the lie. If you think about it we went for the “tree of knowledge” and to know all like God all we got was a matrix of LIES. And there are SOOOOOOO MANY lies to peel back. Just when you think you got one peeled back then you got another. I
Said that Lucifer is an angel of light but the devil is in the air … like light particles. Again matrix. One larger bigger entity Lucifer and then you get satan then you get the devil then you get all the demi gods and all the many demons…. that work in conjunction with each other. In a hive mind …. that is one particular matrix. That is the best way I can describe it. And they are using new age to torture people and even religion. But have more recently moved to new age. And I see you and your bullshit. And if we are here to “wake people up” feeding them more bullshit is not helping anyone.
They have have a hand in our government, our spirituality, and everyday lives and I’m just seeing how this all runs and it’s sickening. I know there is beauty to this world and that there is a God and good in this world but I’m stuck in a matrix that does not allow me to experience that not matter how hard I try. It is quickly canceled out.
Everything just seems pointless and dumb now. And I never thought I would think like that.
The worship of an Entity, money, that feeds only itself to keep itself alive and self gratification.
Our money says “in God we trust” but which one? Imma need you to be more specific cause our money got a lot of occult symbols on it.
The upholding of an capitalist entity that is short sighted and has no regard for present life and or future because it is dead/ not living. At first we sacrificed food when we didn’t have any, then portions of crops, then precious metals and stones, then lives, now futures for oil and trees and luxuries. Energy. Our souls and our children’s futures.
Capitalism is a sinking ship. It doesn’t work. It has no soul and no heart. It had steam that only works for so long before jumping to the next civilization and patching up hole by enticing with luxuries to pacify its people before they become soulless just like the Entity that they feeds.
We need new economist and philosophers with brilliant minds that can that can factor in a future for generations. Where we are not slaves to debt. A future is possible with a soul of the the people.
So I saw someone read an old journal entry about me thinking that that one these have been around me all my life and it wasn’t my ex’s fault. (sorry its really bad writing i was going through it). Trying to take accountability. Which I do, to some extent. I take accountability for bugging out lol I mean I as much as I can for the circumstances. But I uncovered as much as I can with what little knowledge I have about these fucking demons.
So while thinking about the fact that they jumped my innocent godson for no reason whatsoever. I now go back and think that maybe not all, but the really bad ones come from my ex. Again I have never been attacked like this in my life. To the point I can’t move some days. And I’m on stupid fucking meds that don’t work. And even my doctor is saying I’m completely sane. But I’m having this insane experience. I’m so close to showing her this photo.
This isn’t a photo of the main one that bothers me but an example of them.
These demons said they were bored with me and needed “a mother play” and then said they would “she (my bestie) needs a man play” because they thought that would get me get me out of the house. and then like a week or two later my best friend got a boo piece. and i don’t know if her demon/ angels playing around with mine but i would never want her to go through with what i went through. But i know i saw a little demon on top of my godson head and he was bugging out. i know i saw entities at the children park too lurking around as well. which was HELLA creepy to the max. My friend who removed the demon from me and my godson said he couldn’t find who or what sent the demon to us. hmmm….. so ….
So these demons are like jumping around trying to attack me and anyone I love to make me feel like a curse so I kill myself. And thankfully I got my friend to remove it. Now I can’t say for sure if my ex did this intentionally or not but I am pretty sure it came from him because it didn’t start until we were about to break up.
IDK I’m just thinking out loud. waiting for a miracle. tired of this cursed life. honestly i dedicated my life to helping people and being there for people and i feel like this is a really shit experience. I never expected like a palace or much but my whole life ruined SUCKS BALLS! and i just don’t know what to do most days. like my friend really needs me to babysit cause im like the only one that has always done it for free (i mean she will give me a metro card or cook a meal), and spending time with my bestie has been healing for me as well like just getting out the house… and im like if they are attacking my godson what now do i just go crawl under my rock again? shit is fucking me up! at least i give a shit enough to attempt to do something about it. unlike my ex.
people out here thinking they are playing with angels. no boo boo take a closer look. i have seen them wear costumes. they have toys too like cars and something that LOOKS like and iPad but i can’t say it actually works like one. They use it for dreams and visions. they are fucking assholes.
This is is what they use to make you feel like your twin flame is with you. It is not your actual twin flame or their higher self. It’s not an alien. And Astral demon, that has was watched me get raped every day for years. So fuck all of them.
Why won’t God help me?! Why!!!?
So I think because the story of Job we are encouraged to just let things go when life is taking a nose dive into a hot concrete pavement.
I mean I let go my job which I loved, my relationships, friendships, all my possessions (cause I could no longer afford to have them in storage), my comfort, dreams for what I thought my life would be like, health, money (3k in spiritual services), beliefs, food, sex, even at one point stopped wearing jewelry, ……….. I honestly don’t know what more to give up. I know the voices wanted me to run away and be homeless AGAIN. And I’m not doing that. The main reason I didn’t run away was that my sister had a stroke and I needed to be there to help her otherwise I’m not sure what I would have done to try to make this voice and torture stop. But I gave a lot. And I’m done giving up everything. Short of my life (which they even asked me to commit suicide almost everyday and I attempted twice because of the child sex abuse visions).
And while I am all for Gods corrections at what point are we just allowing ourselves to just be tortured and misdirected by demons who want to present themselves as Gods or Authorities?
I made the intention to go back to school hopefully next year and so what I have been doing is studying “spirituality” in its different forms. Recently studying I tried to study the Zohar which is the study of the soul and Gods correction of the soul but the demons just like the Bible made it extremely difficult to read and study. Twisting concepts around. I have come to plateau with these demons. I know how they work. They say and do the same things over and over again. I see what they look like even if they look different. So more or less I see how they build on each other or connect to each other and me. So I’m pretty much done and annoyed. But more annoyed and a bit disheartened that I might not be able to finish school like I want to. I just don’t want to waste money or fuck up cause of this experience or be in class and them talking about how I want to fuck my teacher or classmates all day. Cause that is NOT how I think!
I have been waiting on this miracle, but I’m not sure to what extent I am suppose to step out and what part I’m suppose to wait. I’ve been laying in this bed for a good 2.5 years and I’m done. I’m as zen as I’m gonna get. I’m not a threat to anyone. Maybe myself if I don’t figure out how to get this demon out. Cause I KNOW it’s not schizophrenia…. I have photos proving it’s not…. it’s definitely an entity and it stalks me all day and never shuts up. Why it’s stalking me I don’t know, but I can’t say I’ve done anything to justify this torture. I’m not perfect, but shit man…… this is out of control.
So I guess I wanted to check myself on all that I have given up on thinking it would help me shake this demon and it hasn’t helped.
Taking these extremes have helped me in same ways uncover who these demons really are. No they weren’t my ex, or my coworkers as they pretended to be. No it wasn’t God (thank God for discernment). No this wasn’t schizophrenia because they were stupid enough to show up in my photos. And this wasn’t because I was a terrible person and deserved it, no different than like anyone else that is sick and deserved it. You can do everything right and still get sick.
So I still have a lot to sort through. But I while giving up everything DID uncover them…… I am starting to feel like I am only self harming and living a life of misery (which is what they want). It’s so weird being a happy depressed person. Like I still have optimism but like I wanna die cause I hate this experience and the pedo shit.
There are days I wake up in bed and the demon says it wants to have sex with me and of course I say NO and of course it molests me anyway. It will try hard to make me almost feel sleepy or drunk. And I will end up going back to sleep because my energy is zapped. Like that’s my fucking sad ass life. The pedo/ father shit didn’t start until I realized it wasn’t my ex ( false twin flame) and I started rejecting this demon. My life is SO fucking sad and lame. But I’m trying to remain hopeful. I guess it was my fault for thinking two people could love each other so much they could have telepathy. But it wasn’t my fault. I just didn’t know.
It took me some time going back and forth grappling with when did my spiritual attack actuallt start, where did it come from? What did i do wrong?
I observed that there is what is known as a “tag” or a follower that will implement ideas in your head, watch you, account for your life ect and then IF an attack happens will act as the liason between you and all the other demonic attackers. They will twist your life around, lie about even, loop every wrong doing over and over. This is the tip of the iceberg in spiritual warfare.
It is worse when it is a lie. One that you believe. Such as new age or conspiracy. While each may give language to the experience, the tend to miss the mark in many ways. Ive ran through many therories and many possibilities, but i keep coming back to just old fashion demonic spiritual warfare for the millinia.
It took me a while to realize that i really didnt do anything in particular to deserve this spiritual abuse. Honestly i feel i was mostly ignorant. I never really believed in actual demons. Especially ones here on earth. It just wasn’t apart of my upbringing. And in some ways im thankful for that. In other ways im not. I mean my mom is a devouted Christian and still cant wrap her mind about a demon and the fact im under spiritual warfare……. And why should she. Its a place you cant come back from. Let her keep her innocence.
While i might not have done anything to have warrented this type of spiritual torure. I can definitely say i need education, correction and a better reelationship with God and Jesus. I am trying my best through.
This blog is my testimony, my evolution, my unpacking and my revelations. I know im not mentally ill (even though they driving me crazy), i have photos of these demons who play with me. I’ve identified whos who after some observation. The only thing i cant do is record them yet but if i could i would. But i think the photos are enough. You really dont want to hear the nasty stuff they say.
So i wonder…..if this will just be forever? It feels like forever. I know Jesus is suppose to come back, but it feels like forever. Feels like hell has literally broke loose, like more and more people cant deal witb the the devils mental health mind games.
I just wish i was lucky enough to have lived in a generation that did not see this evil. That convened with God and the Holy Spirit.
And do you know as i was watching this fire seron on the holy spirit these demons HAD THE AUDACITY to try to trick me to think it was the Holy Spirit. First i smelled something sweet for like 2 seconds, i was like what was that? Then i just kept listening. All the while my body has been buzzing all day from these demons being in my body. Then a very low/thought voice said “you need to pray all day tomorrow”, i said “I NEED?” trying to act like the holy spirit. That just didnt sound like loving words to someone who has been abused forv3 years. Then the pastor said “the holy spirit is our teacher, walks with us, prays for us when we dont even have the words” and tbat was the confirmation i needed that is was BS. But i invited Jesus and the Holy Spirit into my life.
I told these demons, unless they can magically give life i will alwats energetically know their signature, you feel like death, you are everything wrong with the world.
They said that they look like death too. I said i wasnt gonna say anything but yea. Plus they look crazy like sloppy drawings.
So they are out here even trying to pretend to be the Holy Spirit which is why i understand why some people are weary of the Holy Spirit. We need strong leaders and guiding their church in decernment because these demons dont even care any more they will read the biblebto me if i ask them no problem. Its not likevthey are going to burn up from reading the word of God. What dont like is the truth. Cause all they do is lie and use illusions.
So i am really hoping God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit comes through on this faith walk. I am really trying to not grow weary.
So, I am more and more comfortable identifying as Asexual now a days. This is mostly because I gave my sexuality to God. But also because I am no longer in control of my sexuality. I’ve said it a billion times in this blog but I have been spiritually attacked, raped and molested by demon/aliens and shown vile images while they do it. Told I’m a child molester. Told I want to have sex with my father, my sister, cousin. Every taboo you can think of they went there. This just started happening out of no where the beginning of 2016 but they were prepping me for the attack in 2015.
So since EVERYTHING is about SEX, and i have yet to find a loving, caring sexual partner I kind of give up on the human race. And I am disgusted with everything and I feel disgusting as well.
What i will do in this time is attempt to clear my mind, of trying to think that some man will be my knight and shining armor. LOL yea mutha fukin RIGHT! So I need to unpack that bullshit. Cause they really like to act like captain save a hoe but really they aint. And honestly i have degraded myself in ways i didn’t know was even possible dating men TO BE HONEST. From being raped to being long game planned played to being ghosted. I was in culture shock of the play book. I just thought it was like chill and date. But apparently it’s a lot more complicated than that.
Asexuality is much deeper than celibacy. Like i can aesthetically find someone pleasing to the eyes like i do a shirt. But i honestly will have no sexual attraction to them. Sexual attraction always was much deeper for me anyways, i guess i was a “Demisexual“, i thought taking my time to get to know partners would protect me from harm but apparently………. it doesn’t. It…. really really doesn’t.
I need to get my shit together some how or at least make a good effort to do so. But i mean state of the world juxtaposed with being raped and molested by demons all day everyday to the point it hurts and pedo shit kinda……………… makes me wanna off myself today im gonna be honest. I really wanna die. JUST BEING HONEST. I know this is a post about self love but im also purging.
Asexuality has giving me control over my sexual identity and my sexuality for me and for no one else, by no one else but me. There is no lover to be defined by. And as i said since the demons made myself life so sexually “taboo” (to put it nicely) i have to kind of go the opposite right? to balance it out. I thought trying to find a loving sexual partner would help heal these wounds as they have in the past but that was not happening with these menz out here okurrr. They are self serving and self gratifying and only think about themselves. I mean even my man of 6 years wanted to be poly out of the blue one day. Like…. ok be poly with out me. Which he did. Now he out here telling my cousin he wanna marry me (yea right) and im over here Asexual cause i hate everyone LOL.
Why GOD WHY? For real why?
I’m still developing this and what it means for me. But that’s my direction. I hope there is happiness, love and maybe freedom in my life. idk…. im trying.