Pills 💊💊

My life has become the consumption of pills that are not working to get ride of the voices. I’m on 6 different anti psychotic and I don’t feel different other than grouchy .

So my test to see if meds would work failed . I know people who humor has worked but they are not working for me.

I count my day in my pill box.

For every good day I have the voices make sure that I pay for it.

I’m tired I’m tired.

BLOCKED: waiting for my life to happen

Right now my life is at a stand still. I waiting for something to work in my favor. Anything. The meds don’t get rid of the voices neither do the shamans.

There is a gym literally right next door to me in my building and the guy who would authorize me for a key is giving me the run around.

I didn’t want to get a job until I was a wee bit healthier in mind and body.

I just feel blocked in everything I’m trying to do to “get back on my feet” and not be a lazy lump.

This pastor said you need to get your plans approved by God but HOW? I’m cursed with a demon spirit husband alien thing. I’m trying my best to just keep my shit together.

I don’t know what to do when everything I’m trying to do is being blocked.

What I don’t get….

So like I have this psychopath reptilian archon Entities alien demon talking to me ALL DAY and like I can’t have like ONE angel or goddess or really cool alien talk to me?

Why GOD?

All this one does is scream and hyper sexualize every mundane minute and detail of my life till I want to vomit.

Where are the good beings at? Or is that a joke too?

Loosing faith…..

I will always believe in God.

But all this schizophrenic life this spiritual stuff ……… everyone seems to have a different answer why but no solid solution that has work.

Pills don’t work, salt baths and white light of protection doesn’t work, binaural beats don’t work, meditation don’t work, nothing has gotten rid of the voices other than realizing they weren’t the people they were pretending to be.

That kept them in check not got rid of them.

But I’m loosing faith here.

Idle minds

If idle minds are the devils play ground……. how does meditation fit into all of this?

I know when I’m trying to go to sleep I hear the demon aliens more.

I’m so over them, and they are dumb. They say the dumbest shit all day. Any way.

Talk that Talk

My days are spent waiting for my friends to talk to me to distract me from the voices and boredom.

I recently started fixing up my resume just to do something. Just in case I do want to start working. Even though I don’t feel I’m there yet mentally or physically I’m still striving to be.

Being social is part of that. So I am grateful for my friend who I can communicate with.

I’m not sure if I should go back to school or get a job. I know I can’t be too stressed out. I still have voices that pounce on any weakness. But I will have to at least try. At least with a job I would be making money and not loosing it.

Ah well that’s my update still hearing these nasty voices just trying not let them get to me cause I know who I am.