Ascension Symptoms: Flu (New Age lies lol)

So I’m am under the weather. BUT honestly I have been not feeling well this whole time since my attack began in 2016. I’m starting to forget how it feels to feel ….. ok.

I remember one of the New Age lies that was circling around the internet (Facebook) was “ascension flu“. That because you are physically ill you are “shifting energies” some go as far to think they are martyrs for the collective.

This I believe is dangerous misinformation.

“Energy” are Entities. It’s just coded. Energies or Entities are made up of light and are conscious to various degrees. Even “negative energies/entities” are still made up of light. As much as we want to call them dark or because we saw shadow figures….. they all use light!

I have yet to encounter a “good energy/entity” because at the heart of it there is a lie. Be it their actual name, appearance or information they are sharing with an individual.

This is what is dangerous. Even in the most innocent circumstances.

Because these “energy/entities” lie. We are giving them full access to our bodies and minds and calling it “ascension symptoms”. They do not deserve such privilege. And instead of battling them we are playing with them as they deteriorate our spiritual energy and essentially our body which will manifest as “ascension symptom flu” or even worse.

Since I can personally see what most would call energy, but are in fact entities, conscious beings with a face and everything, I can see that most of us are swimming in them. They are everywhere. One little trick I learned from the Targeted Individual community was EMF readers on the phone. So electromagnetic field readers. Most Targeted Individuals who are getting attacked hard physically by what I would say is Entities, but most believe is government satellites to some varying degree, also give off strong EMF readings. Some in the 200s. And that’s usually insane amounts of pain. The body is not suppose to endure more than 50 regularly and even then that’s high.

So since I can see them I would take my EMF reader and test it. And behold usually the spot where I could see them the reading was high. 200+. I was at a park watching my godson and I saw a string of water space “energy/entities” attached to the park bench. So I pulled out my reader and the reading was off the charts. But when I went to an area I didn’t see them or another par of the bench it was not.

So the the point is that these “energies” which are essentially entities (conscious beings), that are made of light, emit their own electromagnetic field (which is not usually that big, but still). That energy/entity effects our body and whatever that entity feels like playing for the day effects our mind. And I stronger feel like their presence in our body breaks down the immune system making us more susceptible to earthly diseases.

These are not toys to be played with.

While I would love to say rebuking them in the name of Jesus has worked for me. I can only say that recognizing the BS has been more helpful. And God gave me the strength and discernment to do so.

Now I am not trying to come down on people for believing whatever. I mean I thought a “Spirit” was my grandpa when I was younger. And who doesn’t want to feel connected to their family members who passed. And I even wondered about aliens and all that stuff. If God made me he could make aliens too no? Most of us wanted or naturally had supernatural experiences. And wanted answers. But it is time to wake up!

These entities are NOT your friend! And if they are acting like it you are paying a price you have no idea about.

By even allow these entities to play, God, Angels, Demons, Starseed Aliens, higher self, twin flame (higher self), relatives that have passed on, gods or goddesses, past life, ANY OF THAT! If we give them the room to play with our Consciousness they will eventually play with our bodies and ultimately our lives, deviating us from our relationship with God , our purpose, and soul of who we are.

You are not here to play these games!!!

I woke up one day recently and I felt this dull brown, quiet and very SAD energy. And I thought I would shake it off at some point but it wasn’t going anywhere and I wasn’t connecting with it as mine for some reason. I was blessed enough to have a great holiday and got to see the people I love and was content. So I actually messaged my friend who is a healer and asked if she had done any work on me, and before she answered back I felt the “energy” leave my body. I told her ops never mind! And she said no she had not done anything.

Now one do you know how much work these entities are doing to just ruin my day? To hold that feeling of sadness for that long to convince me I should be sad is INSANITY. Which is another point.

Y’all playing with shit you can not see. These Entities that you deem as formless energies from the moon cycle or planets aligning, NO BOO BOO, these are whole ecosystems of the “astral” or ethers that they work in. It is in our world operating on its on and with us. And yes you can manipulate or work with this ecosystem which would be called black magic or white magic (light workers).

I am not with it. FUCK ASTRAL WORLD!

Again by playing with these entities we are giving them full access to US.

Ask yourself a question: why do they want to interact with us so badly? So bad they will lie based on your belief system to gain authority.

Y’all really think they are trying to help the planetary evolution? Look at the state of the world! I would strongly disagree. And if you let these entities drive you around and not snap the fuck out of this none sense we ARE DOOMED! You are not ascending anywhere, you are playing games with God know what kind of entity that is harming your body.

That is the real awakening!

Stop playing games with these fucking assholes!

God Broke My Heart 💔

So I’m sitting here with a positive decision for disability case. I’m labeled schizophrenic now. It makes me sad.

I don’t know what that means for my future. Discrimination is real.

I’m not Job.

But I’ve had so much taken away, home, possessions, job, lovers, friends, innocence …….. down to my sanity.

And I gave it all up. I payed there watching demons and spirits going in and out of my body. Unable to move half the time. Being raped by demons. Shown visions of child sexual abuse. Voices saying I want to have sex with my family members. Watching my ex and rapist get married.

And all I tried to do was make the world a better place. To help others. I gave all my heart and soul to the world FOR God. To combat the evil in this world. The evil I didn’t even know was THIS real.

I never asked for anything from God. Ever. Just thanked God for the opportunities. For the love I got to experience. But this time I begged God to remove this pedo rapist demon out of my life. And not to jump to the next person, but remove it for all.

I spoke to soooo many spiritists, targeted Individuals and schizophrenics…. who all one day out of no where started suffering a demon placing these taboos in their life.

All I wanted, prayed for, examined in waiting was for this to grossness to be removed.

And it hasn’t.

I live everyday jumping over the voices saying pedophile things. I have to love and teach my godson about life with the guilt and shame of even having this voice in my life saying these things while all I am trying to do is love. Bring love, peace, joy, compassion, gentle lessons into this life.

And God hasn’t removed it.

I persevered!

And still. The thorn on my side. The worse possible thing. The idea of hurting a child. Replays at any opportunity.

I’m disgusted with myself even though I know it’s not me. It never was and never will be.

But I begged God to remove it. And God hasn’t. My bottom line is removal. Not sometime pedo, or a little bit of incest. GONE!

And I feel like a brat being unmoving from my position at the same time. But I can’t and will not accept this as my life. It’s not me.

God broke my heart. The one time I begged for God to show up, God didn’t.

I don’t know what that means for me. I don’t know why. I don’t know why God would let me suffer being raped by demons.

I don’t get the lesson. I just feel like a lab rat on all these meds which I never would have taken but I am desperate. I feel like there is this dangling carrot of faith in front of me to get to the prize and I just want it GONE.

And people will tell me it’s because I need this crystal or bath, I’m not praying hard enough or the right way, faith is not strong enough, I need to eat this or that way, I need to cast this spell, that whatever I have done (which has been a lot) was or is never enough. They persecute me like the demons do. That I’m not enough for God grace.

God broke my heart not showing up for this one. And I don’t know what that means for our relationship.

I really don’t know.

My Symptoms (Voices) June Update

There is more but this is what I could update and condense in this email. 

So I’ve tried to document what my experience has been so in case there is anyone out there experiencing the same things. Can’t say youre not crazy (cause im sure thats how you feel) but you are not alone. Very rarely will they be the same themes exactly, but how did you feel? What games where you dragged into?

I am constantly refining what my experience is. Because there are multiple “storylines” or games going on ALONG with my reality. Also anything can change on the whim of the entity.

If you even read all of this shit…. Idk. I’m just trying to make sense of the insanity.

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Symptoms: Just to name a few

Voice(s), spontaneously orgasming (rape)/ waking up horny rolling around in bed like a crack head, extreme headaches, lack of energy or vitality, extreme pressure in the body, jolts to the body, involuntary movement of limbs, abnormal heat in the body, sensation like someone is softly blowing or crawling on me, random images/ visions not of my own personality or likeness, hallucinations (shadows, sparkles, sensations and smells), “seeing energy”- swirly or lines, more frequent dreams/ nightmares, sleep paralysis, ringing in the ears (different tones) as well as white noise, something feeling off, paranoia, not feeling like yourself, Black outs, Bright outs (like black out only overwhelming amount of light), loss of sense of awareness/ or “self”. I feel like I’ve gone through every psychological disorder all in two years.

The Entities List of Demands

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Levels of “Voices”: 

There are levels and volume almost. In the beginning the volume was at a 100 and I could barely do anything. My head was HOT and I felt like my brain was going to explode. Since it has dialed down to like 30.

Will use anything to charm and appeal to you. Humor… Funny visions… Sometimes i would wake up to music in my head like i had headphone on. It will appeal to you only to soon turn on you and make you feel terrible. In the beginning acted as two separate characters a man (terrible) and a woman (good “sympathetic”). Yea no …. It’s one!

Distant Screams: usually repeats the same thing over and over again. Can be amplified by ambient or white noise. I would hear “Fuuuuuuuck Yoooooou”, or “I’m never going to come back again!”.

Cast of Characters: This one is tricky. There are two levels. One is more intimate the other is general and makes you feel paranoid.

  • Intimate: is usually loved ones, those who have passed (acted as my grandpa a few times). Or as telepathic communication between people. Can also parrot loved ones voices. Singular ghosts or spirits, spirit guides, gods or goddesses ect.
  • Cast of Characters: Usually there is a paranoid feeling with this because it can be random strangers. So feeling like you enter a room and everyone is talking about you. Or said something about you when your weren’t looking. Even as though the whole spirit world is talking about you. But why would they do that.

Ambient Sounds: Can come off of ANY sound. So TV, Radios, hums, house noises, nature sounds, other people chatting or passing by. I went to the beach to “ground myself” and the waves were telling me to jump in and kill myself. Not the experience I was hoping for.

You: The voice will also act as you. This one takes discernment. “Implanting ideas” through flashes of images, memories or actual words to steer your conversation or thought process. I also don’t fight it as much because its too much unless it gets out of hand or overwhelming. Can feel like racing thoughts etc because the Entity is trying to act like both you and itself.

Grounding: For me I realized it was ONE voice, One entity (maybe apart of a hive mind) but only ONE with me. All of these character are not real. The reason I realized that it was only one was because it was talking Super duper fast when trying to be multi- characters (including me).

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Games: Mythological, esoteric and religious beliefs, personal history, information skeeeeeewed and distorted.

Can sometimes “tell the future“. But not to your benefit like consoling. Told me it was waiting for my grandma (called her “great day” which was something she use to say) to die. I didn’t believe it and she did. I haven’t even been able to grieve that.

Angel sparkles: seeing flashes of light and dark. I haven’t figured out a pattern for them. (Since I was young 15) also shadows a handful of times since I was 15.

1111: “The wake up call” Synchronicities, master numbers, angel numbers, symbols meanings to everything. Everthing has to have a MORE meaning. “Spirituality”. (Received this since 11/11/11) but as the entity started to attack , I was seeing them so much they almost lost meaning. Just a lot in one day.

Twin Flame: Third worse thing on the fucking planet, was the energy of obsession, lust, love, heart ache and pain but I did not feel connected to (at least not for as long as I did). The entity sounded and acted and flashed visions of my ex (so called twin flame) and assumed the “personality” of my ex and made it seem like there was telepathic communication (by parroting his voice) between my ex and I by telling the future like when he would call or foretelling a song he sent me by The Honey Trees – Orchards…. (Which i never heard of prior) Also used the personality of my ex to psychically rape me every night and pretend he put a black magic curse on me cause we broke up.…. But I mean my ex was an asshole but not pure scum like this entity. It continues to this day to use my ex against me/ hide behind him by saying his name 500+ times a day (obsession), memory or voice and relating my ex back to anything that I am doing, even though I’m am pretty much numb. Ceased all contact with ex because it was too triggering and I didn’t want this entity to have any more material on my ex. No relief yet. (Since 2015-2016/2017ish) 

IAM (Isis/Osiris): Said, “do you know who you are?” “You are 8,000 years old”,  was pretty much forced to say IAM Isis as a part of an agenda to weave the story line of Twin Flame, judgment (condemnation, shame guilt), and soon God play. To my understand the Entity wanted to drag me to the “underworld”, and given an “identity” I was given Isis so that the entity could take it away and given to someone “prettier”. The entity moved on to say this was Alchemy. And made it seem that the more that I agree to engage this game, that I might be rewarded. It asked me what did I want. I said nothing. It said i should want my ex (twin flames name) back. After both my twin flame (“supposed separation phase”), my Isis ID, (along with real things: job, home, money, friends, possessions, sense of self), I was to be be “purified”. But this “purification” was anything BUT, also engaging/ being forced into this process there was also Judgment for “believing” in Isis and I was told to read the bible and then forced into Christianity. But I was only being rolled into just another sphere for MORE judgment (guilting and shaming). Other archetypes and mythological and religious figures where also introduced and assigned to people in my life but not as important. I didn’t find the “I AM RA material” until much later down the line when I was trying to figure out things. I didn’t really finish reading it. There was also a sense of the entity “jumping bodies” or seeming like it can take over other people and stalk. Told me I needed to be in a new “vessal”, which was prep for suicide. (2016)

Past Life: I was told in the I AM game that I small part of Isis’s soul. And had visions of her. Then I was told that Isis was being given away to a prettier woman my ex’s (friend and or his current girlfriend). Now I didnt believe any of this, but again juat wanted it to stop. Once the Isis storyline faded away (but was still used occasionally to make me feel like shit), it went on to past lives. 

One night after work as I was reading the bible, and the entity came in and said that I am suffering because I raped 57 children in a past life. At the time I was working with teens, and the entity moved on from Isis and started calling me, a child molestor. Which literally scared the shit out of me. Because I was told I was molested as a child, before I could even understand what it was I  saw a 20/20 special in the 90s that said that the an abused child becomes predator. All I know is I remember that thumping in my chest. I just remember fear no rationalization just pure fear. I just knew it was bad.

I never had a chance to really work through any of that and don’t remember telling my mom that it scared me. But year or two later my father came back into our lives (after not seeing him for 10 years) and he had a break down and said he never did anything to me. I believe him but all I was left with was some teenage angst and this child hood fear of actually becoming one. But I had to move on with my life quickly.

I can’t even tell you the nightmare it was living in “child molestor world” OMG it was so gross and I can’t even explain the insanity that came from that. Tears roll down my cheek as i even think about it. Being called one, the visions of child abuse, being told I was one in a past life, being told I should happy my dad DID molest me (he didn’t), being told that my eyes were the window for a child molestor. Being told God is a child molestor because he watches his children have sex, Being told I should kill myself because of my “past life”. Just INSANITY and there was no escape …. I had no choice no matter how logical I was. It would switch and say a child molestor meant I am really a mother (I’m not currently one and sure I should after this shit). And I was dealing with this to be a mother. But quickly I was like you know what I’m ok, I don’t need to be a mother that bad we need to stop this process ….. And it didnt stop.  I was in the nightmare living it, sleeping it. Walking around hearing and feeling that you are one was too much. So I quit my job (with youth) and locked myself in my parents house, and tried to figure out what the fuck was happening to me. 

It took me a while to not be completely controlled by the fear the Entity controlled me with. I asked “OK if you know my past life, WHAT WAS MY NAME?“, like I wont be on anscestry. com trying to figure out what the fuck. No name given. Till this day…. It fucks me up, and to some level it still happens everyday. Even though I have identified my root fears, it still tries to make me feel ashamed for looking or being around children, which was never an issue prior to this experience. No relief yet. (2016-current)

We are our soul essence and no one can take that away. Ever!

I have found other women who have experienced the fear of child abuse (usually their own) as well but usually subsided. Where I found the most vocal men and women where in the “targeted individual” groups where people were very clear about these Entities try to do some sick shit to make you loose your mind. Much like I discribed above.

Opposite play: “As above so below”. The entity would say that everything that it was saying was “the opposite”, honestly this where I really fell down the rabbit hole because the entity would switch what and who was opposite and not opposite at any given moment to benefit other and my brain just couldn’t handle the fuckery. (2016)

God Play: “The lord is my shepard, I shall not WANT!” It would scream, the entity condemned me for “wanting” my ex (twin flame), buuuuuuuuuuuut that wasn’t really the case. It would say i want to get married and have kids so it could dangle it as a “carrot”. But I cant say that is what i’ve always deeply wanted. If it happened cool. Be honest what I really WANT is for whatever this thing is, to leave my entire being.

Because I do not and will not believe this thing is God. It has also tried to skew my view of God and religion. The entity has “suggested” that people who hear the voice of God much like pastors or what have you (same thing with politics), are only being manipulated by whatever this thing is as a part of an agenda. The entity complicates the idea of God and my relationship to God.

My belief in God is pretty simple. I believe in God, don’t be an asshole all the time, try to do some good when you can, and everything else is speculation due to the flaw of man (too many secrets and to many lies). I believe there were many teachers (on how not to be an asshole) I just happen to grow up Christian. So I keep it simple, I believe in God.

Because I refuse to accept this entity/voice as my “lord and savior” it moved on to something it called “Gods Love“, which basically forced me into accepting that it was God for a moment. It did not feel good at all, it was almost like blacking out and I had zero control. (2016-2017 current)

Current: It picks up ideas, inspirations from my environment, people i meet ect, or what I read whether I’m aware or conscious of it or not. Everything becomes a debate with this Entity. It never EVER shuts up. And it also does this “was it me ornwas it you” on who had what idea. Also sometimes punished for having an “original thought”.

More recently I have been blacking out for moments at a time. Last night i blacked out for 3-4 moments. Its not complete unawareness because there is thought/ theme there but I have no control (was looking into dream states). Because they are spontaneous and brief I can’t come out of it completely understanding it. It like words aren’t spoken yet spoken. But Yea. Also when this happens there is almost like an electric zap, singe feeling to it. Again that TV being turned off, electric spark. But I’m not sure if that’s just dramatic effects of the entity or its really fucking with my wires.

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Themes:

SexThe major theme has been sex, Not only going through my own sexual history and being made to feel guilt and shame (and actually trying to install that feeling since I don’t), but then SKEWING a sense of personal freedom in sexuality. I am NOT sexually attracted to children, animals or my family members in any way and the entity would try to make me feel or believe that I am. Child abuse, incest, beastiality, hyper/deviant sexuality is not my cup of tea. Surprisingly I’m “queer” and the topic rarely came up, although it did called a faggot or dyke a few times, it made fun of me for cutting my hair (forced) and say I look like a man. Or because I can no longer be with my ex (twin flame) I might as well become a lesbian again. It would also say its (the entity) is a man and only wants me with women. 

Says I will never be a mother/ I’m not a mother so I need to stop being nuturing (even though I have pcos and used birth control and protection to make sure if I ever was, it was with the right person .) Also says I will never get married but said I am spiritually married to my ex (twin flame) and I can never date or have sex again and I should kill myself for him. But has also said I am married to Satan. 😒 I doubt I’m Satan’s type. (Right)

Not only did I at some point feel watched during sex. The entity would include itself (either act as my partner or an observer). At least back when I had sex. Once it had no one to hide behind, it would force me to orgasm as I awaken out of sleep (rape) and never engaged in any consensual type of “energy sex”. It also made fun of my actual rape, and try to reinact it through sleep paralysis, energy rape, and anxiety in a dream.

Slavery/ rascism: racism, “forced racism”, slavery historically, would call people all kinds of racist names which is very unlike me, slavery (bdsm), was “energetically” harnessed and forces to sit up straight and cross legs and to be a “lady”. didn’t last that long and couldn’t cross my legs anymore as I started to gain weight from being STRESSED THE FUCK OUT. Wasn’t a major topic. 

Fear: Mainly childhood fear of child molesters, of hurting anyone else, death (which I’m not afraid of), suicide (which I won’t), death of loved ones, being shot, pinning my ex (twin flame) and saying/ giving visions that he will shoot me in the head, becoming ill and being told i will have cancer, addictions/vices, paranoia/ being watched, threatening my loved ones, saying that I am a curse and I negatively effect everyone around me, black magic (as if someone did this to me), sexual assault and abuse, uses “sins” as a way to latch on, running theme of guilt and shame. Insecurities, (but also “crushed” the things I liked about myself or things I had in order to build up to the “God Play”) “God giveth and god taketh away” type of theme attitude happening with this entity, homelessness (again, was homeless as a teen).

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Healing: along with traditional religions I have also explored, spiritual herbal baths, a forget him spell, psychics, binaural beats, yoga, light workers, reiki healer, burned sage, shamans, psychiatrist, therapy (all with no relief)

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Researched: (most from suggestions)

(These are the different names of what I have been experiencing through out this journey). Angels (due to seeing flashing lights and sparkles), 11:11 wake up call during that time and seeing number everywhere (“ascension”), Twin flame, – (shortly after twin flame it was all down hill), black magic, thought forms, demi-urges, shadow work, Dark night of the soul, karma, past lives, dna curse, Incubus’s, spirit husband, Archon’s aliens, demons, possesion, fallen angels, jinn, ghosts, poltergeist, a changeling, a curse/ spell, divibe alchemy, kundalini, awakening, ascension, mk ultra, targeted individuals, elf waves, agenda 21, hive mind, schizophrenia, schizophrenia…….. Bla bla bla.

Cause I don’t know what the fuck is going on!

I’m still here!

Still trippin on this experience. But my friend wanted me to do some nerd shit for him for a couple of months to help him out and it’s kind of keeping me distracted and more positive while I have this negative experience going on.

It’s easy to do what I do now because everything is remote and I don’t have a specific time to be “in office”. But my physical health had decline even more so since the pandemic …. so it’s hard to walk… even when I fought to walk even with debilitating migraines….. now my feet are tingling and they puffed up.

11/28- I have a severe non Covid cough. (I got tested again just in case). And the over the counter cough med I got has antihistamine in it. NOW again for some reason antihistamine effects the “hallucinations” more than it affects me. The hallucinations are either lower in volume and or the visuals are suspended and floating really slowly barely moving. It’s strange to explain but there is a difference and I don’t understand why.

Testimony: Woman escapes the New Age

Please watch the whole video. Her story is mine to a T. From how she slipped into the new age (via a relationship and spiritual experiences) to to suicidal thoughts to the fact that she started hearing voices suggesting that she wanted to hurt children. Her story is mine. The only difference is that I haven’t been saved.

I’m not sure why I haven’t been saved. Maybe the residual thoughts about a new age Jesus is still in me. Also how did she know it was God and not these demons talking to her?

Why won’t God talk to me? Like this young woman, I too was seeking God essentially. I thought that these “spiritual experiences” we evidence of God. But they are only evidence of entities/demons. And in contrast evidence that a higher power can exist. I just don’t know if Jesus and God are touching down on earth like that. But I do know I never experienced it so I can’t say. I know these demons have called themselves God before. And that FUCKED ME UP!

I’m so fucked up off of this experience I dont know what to trust. But the devil is a lie, and did his job well on me.

Why can’t I get saved? What do I need to do? How do I experience Jesus/God? I miss being normal when believing in God was simple.

COVID-19: Experience with Contact Tracer and Mental Health

SO……. I live in NYC. It was an epicenter for the pandemic. We did our best to lockdown, socially distance, wear masks, while the economy and society slowly open up.

Prior to the COVID outbreak I was already isolating because of my schizophrenic spiritual attack. The schizophrenia will do that to you. So the lockdown/ quarantine was nothing for me (except being around my family 24/7 with all the TVs blaring lol but that’s another thing). Point is I know how to keep my ass put.

However in May I went out once to meet a friend. And June once to meet a friend as by then we already head PPE and protocol in place. I mean a lot of my staying put is not wanting to be the reason my older family members catch COVID. Ya know? But then also wanting to live SOME SORT of life. It’s a balance.

My main issue isn’t he protocol (because I only go to the same 3 place every week (friends house, friends house, and home), so my circle is tight. I wear my mask, I socially distance, and I THOUGHT not taking public transportation as much (UBER) would help lessen my chances of contracting unknowingly or spreading. I mean I honestly go out less than my sister and she is disabled.

NOW check this! I get a random call in June talking about I might have gotten COVID. This is when contact tracing just started. Do you know how scary that is. On top of it the person that left a message had masked their number behind a jersey google number and I could not reach them directly. So I was kinda nervous and scattered ….. worried really. I was so scared cause I didn’t want to get my family sick.

Thankfully my family didn’t treat me like a leper. My mom found a testing site and I went the next day. However after having both the swab and anti-body test I had to wait 7+ days for the results. Which was excruciating. I didn’t know if I could eat with my family and I definitely didn’t see my friends. My mom was way G about it and just told me to get my ass out and have dinner, because at this point if I have it they have it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Either way thankfully I didn’t have COVID and at the time tested negative for COVID. Now two weeks later (about 14 days or so) when ANOTHER Contact Tracer contacts me and says he’s following up. I told him I got tested and tested negatively for COVID and Anti-bodies test. And the guy on the phone said very loud and flamboyantly “WELL THATS GOOD FOR YOU SUGAR PLUM!” and hung up. 😳

I mean that whole interaction super weird. And honestly unprofessional. Like I’m already schizophrenic and like I don’t need weird shit like that freaking me out. It made me feel like it was a prank or something. But I was just happy I didn’t have COVID.

Fast forward to today. I was hanging with my godson and I get a call from a number I don’t know. So I let it go to voicemail. I read my voicemail and it said something about “we really need to talk about what’s going on with your medical records” and I was like huh? Who was able to get my medical records? So then they call again. And I he tells me I came in contact with someone who had COVID and they gave them my number. Now as I told you my interactions have been minimal. I see my two friends on the weekend and I am around my family. All of who would have told me. I also mostly take an Uber because I usually have a big weekend bag with me. And I go back home.

Now I was telling this guy this….. that I barely go out and I see like 3 people and he starts laughing hysterically really loud and interrupting me and said “oh you don’t go out?!?!” I was just kinda fumbling over my words but slightly in shock. And he was just laughing hysterically. And I was like what is going on?! Honestly everything was ok until he started bursting out into laughter 3 times and then I just wanted to get off the phone with him because AGAIN unprofessional! AND it made me think this was a possible joke. And as someone who suffers from schizophrenia with voices and hallucinations and paranoia I REALLY REALLY had to ground myself. Especially after having a terrible night with schizophrenia.

Even my friend said she wondered if someone was sending my name to the Health Department as a prank. Because I got two calls and we could not pin who would do this because my circle is small.

So after talking it out and getting grounded I did a quick GOOGLE search and for Uber and COVID and found that if a driver tests positive for COVID they will release the riders information to the Health Department. Ok that made the most sense. Like no one in my circle had COVID and random people on the streets won’t have my information AND I follow protocol.

So more than likely it’s Uber that’s the common denominator in this situation.

HOWEVER the weirdos they let call people is insane. This is a pandemic. I personally take it very seriously (while still trying to live life). I also lost a family friend to COVID and I DON’T want to lose more.

I have mental health issues, and you have QAnon nut jobs out there, and adapting to a whole new way of life is not easy on any of us. This is all stressful in one way or another.

But if it is your job to talk to someone about their health, calling them sugar plum and hanging up or laughing hysterically like your trippin on shrooms is just NOT the look Contact Tracers who can ear a wage of 54k a year should be displaying. Like I (me crazy person) thought THESE contact tracers sounded CRAZY. And that could fling anyone into a panic. Even after grounding myself in these facts for half the day my anxiety was through the roof and my stomach started to hurt and I felt nauseous.

They need to train these Contact Tracers better in bedside manners. Have better infrastructure, a number to call back other than a freaking google number voicemail (that also doesn’t sound official) and something official to direct people to. And maybe even a referral to a testing site.

Because I legit thought these guys were a joke until I read both about Uber giving away info and the fact that they have not been able to fill all the positions for contact tracers.

I am pretty sure I don’t have COVID BUT because I care about the people around me I want to make sure and will get a test tomorrow morning.

So if you received a shady phone call and you know your circles it was probably Uber or Lyft or something. And if someone who is in charge of this Contact Tracing reads this…… DO BETTER!

Good Night.

Morning Ritual: Brain Zaps AGAIN ⚡️🧠 ⚡️

I tried to go to sleep at my friends house at about 3:30am.

I got really really bad paralyzing brain zaps. My body was also vibrating, and I could see half the face of the entities around me with my eyes closed as well as the jelly like orbs with my eyes open.

I could also see the liquid in my eyes jiggling I think when I was being zapped.

My head felt like it was being sucked through a straw. My body paralyzed. I wanted to reach for my phone and I couldn’t. I just had this experience.

The voices talked mostly jibberish or things that didn’t make sense to me. There was a constant chattering.

I’m exhausted. I don’t know why they do this. But I’m tired. I don’t know when these entities going to go too far and kill me. I don’t care either way. But it’s a possibility.

Why do I see the Matrix differently? 👁

While some astral travelers see the astral dimension/matrix as some other worldly experience. I see it so much differently.

I see it as a web of interconnected entities that are just chilling on your block, in your home, on your head. They attached to the human to give these “experiences” be it voices, visions, “hallucinations”, weird thoughts, paranoia, tactile sensations.

For me it’s easy to see their “energy” meaning I can see that they are there but I can see their full manifestation. And some days I can see their full manifestation. I’m not sure how or why on those particular days. I think they wanted to scare me and ended up being my research project.

So they can connect to the eyes, mind, anything really. And change how you perceive reality. A simple example would be someone is staring off into space in your direction, all it takes is a paranoid thought for these entities to gain control and make you think that person is a government agent and is following you.

Many targeted individuals talk about hearing coughs, or sneezes or doors slamming or car horns that happen at a synchronized time maybe with a thought of theirs. But really you are being CONVINCED of the synchronization. This happened A LOT when I was being super duper attacked and I was just in WTF mode.

But as someone who sat back and turned off and told these entities to do their worse (and they did and still do), I can say 60% of this experience is trying to convince you of SOMETHING.

Wonder if for the sake of healing or for the moment you don’t believe anything at all? And you don’t give a shit either? What happens to your experience? It takes some training yourself but it’s possible for sake of sanity.

I’m trying to convince myself these entities are not real. And not all over the place. I’m really done with this phase. But I guess I must convince myself more. Believing they are entities could be just another belief system. But it’s a hard one to beat with so much evidence. For be this is an ancient documented issues for the millennial. meaning entities or other dimensions have been documented for long time across Belief systems and these entities are just switching it up for the new generation. And specifically western generation.

And that is how you have and gain power. Through people’s belief systems and or skewing them. These bobble headed entities are just floating around in the ethers trying to convince people of this or that and if they can’t they try to scare them or make them seem crazy. And I see through it.

I as myself can analyze data and trends pretty quickly and this is the way things seem to me. It’s a war on your true consciousness. On your imagination. On your beliefs.

I don’t know why they involve themselves in human affairs from live life to politics. If I were them I would be more concerned with trying to exit whatever matrix they are in. Finding a way to enjoy whatever life it is they have. But that is just me.

All I know is I see things a lot differently then a lot of these people out here. And it’s not a grand story of swimming through the astrals. I honestly think that is an illusion. Much like dreams. But I’m just one girl on the internet. Alone in her belief. Being a big mouth.

Kind of sucks not to have community or validation in this. But it is what it is.

Belief: Reptilians and Aliens and Demons

So as I blogged in this journal ALOT. I honestly think these “entities” that are harassing me are demons that can come in any form. I currently see them as alien heads with spider bodies and a “reptilian”/ demon like one or three and bunch of weird troll (like gremlin) looking ones.

However I wonder if these projections are implanted from new age stories I ran across in passing.

I started off as thinking the sparkles were angels a long time ago. But then once “schizophrenia” hit the fan I saw that the sparkles and orbs were actually these particular entities moving around. They like hurl themselves through space with light. For lack of a better way of putting it.

I just wonder if I stop believing I. This reptilian alien shit (just like I did target individual and twin flame) that maybe my experience might be different.

I’m kinda stuck here and that’s frustrating. And I want to peel back another layer of this. I know this projection they are showing me is a lie to try to scare me and I’m not scared anymore and I’m ready to move on. I don’t trust these entities one bit. And it’s hard to explain in one sitting what I see them doing to humanity. But I see it.

So let’s see what happens once I let go of the reptilian aspect. It will take some time.

I wish I could Restart my life.

Not in a reincarnation way. But I really wish I could have lived a different life. Not date certain people. Not been kicked out of my parents house. Finished school (not waste time at a private one with debt), started a family earlier. That straight and narrow path that I raged against looks so much more appealing now that I have next to nothing. Nothing is solid for me right now, and any attempt I make to get out of this schiz hole is undermined by “the universe”. So yea. I wish I could have a do over. But that doesn’t exist and all I have is the little bit of life left to overcome yet another challenge in life. Just wasting my life overcoming challenges to be yanked to square one each time.

The Lifting of “The Veil” and Its Keepers.

I accept that my experience maybe different than others. I simply document what I observe over long periods of time. And I put thought into it what I am saying because trying to explain it is not easy unless you’ve experienced it and even then. With that said…. I’ve also given up the New Age completely. I’m done with it, it’s roots and how I was treated in the community and how everyone wants to be a Guru and making BANK off of people’s pain and confusion while not truly metaphysically helping anyone but their pockets. In a way I am grateful because I got to really see what was behind the curtain. Capitalism is a bitch. But for $500 you too can be woke. 🙄 FOOH.

Anyways, my experience are my own. I am clearly not a guru, nor do I want to be. However I am sharing information on my situation for free in hopes that people don’t far for many of the traps I did.

First, mistake was paying people to save me.

2. Mistake was believing the lies these entities told me. Now granted I didn’t know better at the time. I heard a clear consistent voice for the first time at 33 and thought I was literally being punked. But much of the lies like “twin flame telepathy” was nothing more than entity harassment (to put it lightly). Much of what I went through is pinned at the top of my blog so I won’t go into detail here.

NOW to the good stuff!

While we are over here fighting about race, and Covid and sexism and xenophobia and homophobia…… YALL….. while some are over here in LaLa land thinking they are “ascending” or channeling angels AND aliens…… YALL…. kids in the middle of no where smoking DMT to astral travel. DUDES!!! Like there is a WHOLE OTHER WORLD laying right over this one. Some may call it 4D or Astral or Eather/Aether or spirit world or many things. But it’s there all around us. Waiting.

Now what interesting is that many “astral travelers” will talk about “vibrations” and “sleep paralysis” “lucid dreaming” some of the main topics. But before I even came to even knowing about “the astral” I was experiencing these same things only as spiritual attacks. I even “remote viewed” maybe 3 times now, even say different worlds, the only difference is that I did not want or ask to remote view AND I now understand it as entity play.

Now a little bit about these entities before I go further. They are everywhere I assume. I mean I see them in the physical world now more than ever. I can even walk around them. To think they are separate from the world or in the Sky…. is child’s play. They are chillin in your house or attached to you waiting for the right opportunity to scare that ass.

Most don’t know, but they can tell the future, they can mess with electronics, make creepy noises in your house, flicker lights, I think THE WORSE of all is that they can and have influenced our lives and decisions whether we are aware or not. They influence what you believe. Posing as your inner voice or “higher self”. They influence us. We have to accept this aspect (with in reason). I of course am tormented by them so I had to pick my battles moving forward.

But a great example of how the work with the mind is say you want to go on a diet. They will BOTH make you hate yourself enough to do so (so you are already starting on bad foot) AND make you think of pizza all day while you are on your diet to make it that much more difficult for you. They can make you think your hungry. They may even influence a friend that didn’t know you were on a diet to bring over pizza for some Netflix and chill. There is a war for our “consciousness” our personal data and control. To what end idk. I mean it’s happening in “3D life” over the internet and it’s happening in the “spiritual realms” (for lack of a better word cause this 💩 is far from the spiritual you think it is). Either way these entities GOT YOUR MIND ON LOCK! That is why we must “know ourselves” and use “discernment” as best be can cause these entities are out here DOOPING us!

I really don’t want this to be long but I’m trying to hit some major points. They got the mental/emotional game down. And if your not keen you are gonna find yourself in some odd situations. So keep your emotions in check. Staying positive is not flossing over the real issues in the world and in our life, but being able to be meet them with emotional maturity. Emotional intelligence. Acknowledging it in a sound way. And yes sometimes swatting negative thinking out our thought patterning (like suicide, I had to really work on that because the Entities were not only trying to suggest my suicide, they repeated over and over and then tortured me to the point I wanted to and attempted twice so yes it takes work)

The next part is vision. A lot of people want to “open their 3rd eye” and “astral travel” and again I found these to be linked to entities. Entities are made up of light. They can be small which gives off the most light, or big which gives off the least light (think what we know as “shadow people”) . They can also change in size.

Dreams are light. These entities are made of light and I personally believe they are the ones that create our dreams or lucid dreams or “astral travel”. They are all visions of light created by these entities. They can come to use as a goddess or Jesus or a relative that has passed on. Anything really. All they have to do is use light or the lack there of. Since many of the larger entities are made of of a bunch of medium and tiny entities to me it makes sense. All they just project at will your dream or travel and pretend to be you.

NOW here is the lifting of the veil part, my entities look a very particular way. I’m not sure everyone looks the same with the veils lifted off (or at least one of them), but mine look like alien head with a web/spider leg body. Some have other heads at the end of each limb. Those aren’t the only ones I have seen multiple times but for this case I am mentioning them. It is what it is.

One morning I was waking from a dream (they give me multiple a night by waking me up every two hours which is approx a REM cycle). And I was awakened and then I saw 2 of those spider aliens in front of my vision which my eyes closed and one shot out from inside of me like it wasn’t suppose to me there. The only way I know this wasn’t a dream was that one they looked very similar to the entities I have seen before both with my eyes and on camera. And two I opened and shut my eyes to make sure it was a dream and they were still there at least the two were. And when they saw that I saw them one went to my right and I could see it’s big head to the side of me and the other one on the left blew this black stuff in my eyes so could no longer see them.

THESE ENTITIES LIFTED THE VEIL!!! And might say they are the veil but I’m not 100% sure of that. But I do know they removed the veil so they could have fun in my dreams and then put it back on so I coups not see them. This happened a few times as I awoken and each time they run and hide.

People think the other side is all fun and games but it’s NOT! It’s not fun and this is your whole life these entities are messing with and trying to influence. This whole “mass awakening” may not be what everyone thinks it is. If people awaken to any level I experienced people are gonna lose it and possibly commit suicide. And it is our duty to protect life. Not charge people to be a calming voice in the storm.

Either way I see people losing it more and more especially with this COVID thing and we just really need to like chill out there are bigger battles to save our energy for. That is my truth. I just wanted to get it out there before I forgot to

F•R•I•E•N•D•S (Blocked and Racist Edition)

Sooooo this is what I am talking about! This woman I knew for about 3-4 years. She has rubbed me the wrong way on a few of her comments but I tried to over look it for the greater good of us both trying to figure out what was happening to us (we share a similar experience).

But low and behold in 2020 this woman is telling me NOW she believes she is a “targeted individual” because she is a white woman (from Britain) with superior DNA. That HER genes are the lineage of Israel and Egyptian Royalty. 🙄

NOT ONLY THAT she has nerve to say she doesn’t want to date black men because they are trying to “get rid of the white race”. And she is saying this to a black (mixed race) woman. The fucking AUDACITY! When I asked her as a mixed race woman, why would I have the same experience she does if here genes are superior? She answered it’s because I have “gifts”. 😳🤔🙄

This is what I am saying with this whole New Age shit is based in white supremacy. It’s only really coming out the woodwork now. Shit is hitting the fan spiritually and folks are now talking about how they are superior than other races. I knew this shit was going to play out. It’s spiritual colonialism. And now it’s hitting too close to home and I gotta block a bitch.

From my understanding New Age is just an offshoot of Satanism. The video linked gives really good evidence of how it is linked. And when I went to a satanist website to find out more about them half the website was a Nazi handbook. Yes for whatever reason satanist hate Jews. I wasn’t in the mood for trying to dig threw the garbage to find out why. Hatred is traumatizing for me and takes me a long time to recover from it.

She sent me a website (which Facebook blocked rightfully so) and a YouTube video explaining how Targeted Individuals are experiencing government/spiritual warfare because they carry the Aryan bloodline of the royal Israelites and Egyptians. I would post those trash pieces but I dont even want to promote it.

These are just a few examples of the racism I have encountered in the spiritual community. This and the fact they white wash all indigenous spirituality or belief systems to fit their needs.

I’m over it. I’m over New Age and their white “superior” aliens sent to save the human race (good job guys you are doing a great job!) and I’m sick of white supremacy seeping into all facets of my life. Shit is traumatizing. I wasn’t going to even speak on this but I guess I played it cool in the conversation to better understand her and now the rage is there and I need an outlet. And that is what my trusty blog is for.

If she is out here really thinking this then I am SURE there are tens of thousands of others who really think this basing it in spirituality. And the funny thing is, is that black and brown people are getting into “spirituality” more and more and not even knowing the root of all this bullshit. It’s just an escape from Christianity.

It will be a matter of time before this shit gets exposed for what it really is. I have faith in that.

I tried to explain to her that the site she sent me to is trying to brainwash her. But she wasn’t having it. My other friend explained that just like I examined the information and get it was racist…… a person who is racist (self proclaimed or not) will take the information and believe it with out critical thinking because they are RACIST!! So imma let these racist do what they do and be ignorant, crazy and dumb AF. I’m not saving anyone.