Spiritual vs Spiritism

I honestly thought spirituality was getting to know God better on your own path (not necessarily religious) and not playing peek-a-boo with actual spirits that want to take Gods glory with their cheap tricks.

I am honestly over the “spirit world”, especially since i have yet to have meet one that is not a liar in some fashion or trying to use me in another.

I am currently skimming through the “THE SPIRIT WORLD: ITS INHABITANTS, NATURE, AND PHILOSOPHY.” BY EUGENE CROWELL, M.D.. It is an interesting read but gives them a lot more lee way than I think is necessary. It also talks about “negro heaven” which i have not brought myself to read just yet cause i don’t have the energy to be upset. I just wonder how much lies are in this book. How the author may have been tricked by their illusions.  (if you want the book i can share it with you just send me your email).

I am trying to get past the illusions and lies and to the truth and ultimately freedom. Our freedom. I am not opposed at looking at the spirit world like another kingdom …. which its own way of life like the plant kingdom. But I am not going to sit here and say that i haven’t seen nothing but lies.

Who am I? What Am I?

I spent all morning racking my brain around, WHAT and WHO exactly am I in this “menagerie” of Entities and beings floating around me and my house.

These beings are starting to cover my own face to the point in a EMF photo you can barely see my actual face. (Again if you want to see you can just ask but those particular photos were scary so I won’t post them till I understand them better).

I feel like if you aren’t careful any being will come in and tell you who and what you are, just feeding yet ANOTHER matrix of lies to crawl out of. I don’t mind observing possibilities of truth, but I’m not taking anything for absolute truth just yet.

So you’ve seen it…… the memes that say we “are the light, be the light.”, that we “need to look INSIDE ourselves for the truth” all these riddles when we could just say hey this is what’s up. Either way…… how exactly am I suppose to look at myself physically or with in?

This part is kind of confusing me. I’ve worked on my mental A LOT and my emotional and while I might be 100% compared to where I was 3 years ago I did THE WORK while getting my ass rapped and beat my Entities.

I guess because I was/am assaulted by Entities there is a part of me that wants to just jump out of my body and handle them properly.

But also this all came from realizing how the have high jacked my imagination/ 3rd eye vision and my dreams. I’m my dreams I realized that it wasn’t mean driving or creating the dreams it was them. One of the Entities even was so bold to draw a simple drawing of who he was driving my dream, he was also trying to write but was having difficulty. I was only the observer. But how? Why? Very few of my dreams make sense now. They are mundane or just …. fast pace…. overall weird…. and I dream ALLL THE TIME. So it’s more like a place for them to play or live and act out and less likely my own consciousness. They are looney that is the best way I can describe it.

So as the observer and I can control this body 95% I say that because they can jolt my body and make it shiver, burn, be in pain etc and on rare occasions moved a limb, a toe or a pinkie. They can make me feel but they can not make me move with out a strong suggestion that I agree to. Say going to smoke a cigarette.

But how do I find that light with in? Truly? Not some illusion set up by the Entities.

Why in a photo I can see them but I can’t see myself (spiritually)? Am I locked in this body? Which is fine why is that these other beings can come and go as they please? And hurt my body?

I have so many question? And I again just don’t know where to go for answers. Or if those answers will suffice.

Part of healing to for me is deconstructing how and why we suffer. Critique it, trying to make it better for the next person. I take what I learned in 3D about healing and apply it spiritual. I have the option to wait on Gods grace (and the assumption) do nothing about my situation or I can be an active part in my healing and try to break this shit down not just for me but for others that feel like they are loosing it because of this odd experience.

I doubt any one reads this crap but lol if you have any good books or articles or methods to understand this better let me know.


Ashton Kutcher Saves 6,000 Human Trafficking Victims

Starts at the 3:00 mark. This is from 2016 but at least someone is trying to do something. And he got that BitCoin money too.

Article here if you want to reference:

Ashton Kutcher Has Rescued Over 6000 Victims From Sex Trafficking

This makes me so happy to hear some good news for once! And he is coming from a genuine heart space too! You can tell! Much love and success to him!

Do demons deteriorate the body?

I wonder if one of the reasons we dont grow as old as we use back in the biblical days is that “demons” attachs to and deteriorate the body with their EMF radiation.

Not all of them are felt but seen, not all are seen but are felt. Some give off larger EMF readings than others.

This is outside of thinking about how they give us bad habits and so forth. Just a thought and observation.

Can you be pimped in the astral plane?

I mean is that even a thing?

This is the second time (or period of time) this nasty ass evil ass piece of shit demon alien THING tried to pimp me on the astra to some heavy ass beast energy. Like i dont even know what they are doing exactly cause i can only hear and see in part.

But i know there was some talks of money. They got currency in the astral? And then some SUPER heavy energy layed on top of me as much as i fought and said no and cussed them out. And then the heavy entity sighed relief after being connected to me or something. (And the wierd cats visions) …… And im just over here trying to figure out what is happening to me.

Like are they just playing with me?

Is my energy or body really being pimped out by some asshole demon for astral currancy?

I mean can you even do that? Is it even like legal in the grand laws?

It sounds ridiculous right? And yet my friend said his twin flame in italy something similar was happening to her. But their story was all over the place.

I’m just by my lonesome trying to figure this out.

I just dont see how this is possible or legal or like not stopable at this point.

I just wanted to make this note in case anyone else was dealing with this in any shape or form.

I never tried to play in the astral/ dimension or anything like that……it just happened. But from what i read most are suppose to leave you alone …. Thats what im not understanding. Is why they wont leave me alone.

To Catch a Predator

I had to talk it out with my friend a bit because I think some of the conclusions that i have been coming to in my blog around child abuse or more specifically pedos (as someone who is gorced to think about these issues whether i want to or not), is that i feel much of this movement is predator centric and not child protective focused or actually looking at all the way our society actually promotes rape culture.

While we might have ACS and trained professionals some how time and time again we have children who have fallen or are falling through the big gapping cracks in this system.

But we have a whole culture that supports rape and pedophilia. Weather pornography wants to admit it or not the infantization of women in pornos is something to be addressed as a culture. There is a whole sub-section called “barely legal” which subjegates women who just turned 18 as almost an alternative to child pornography.

This along with the pressures women to look constantly “younger” and be “fresh” is the more culturally acceptable forms of pedophilia as a sub section of rape culture.

The more interesting aspect that i noticed was everyone obession or ….. Pleasure if you will in catching a pedo as oppose to actually dismantling the whole fucking system. An example would be is that they would rather catch a pedo who watches child porno but some how have not developed the technology to wipe child porno off the web …. Or dark web? Im boggled. I wrote about this in a previous post that everyones getting off on the fact that this Epstein guy got caught and he may bring down Trump or other elites….. But its the CATCHING OF the pedo that everyone seems to ve entertained by and not the victim centric or focus way of actually addressing the matters at had. So we live in a culture where we want to catch a pervert and at the same time rarely velieve the victim. Hmmmmm? That really needs to vr unpacked.

This is not entertainment and if it is ….. Is its sick. The fact that our system keeps pedos in jail for minimum sentences, if at all and to be registered on this elusive sex offender list. This some how doesn’t effect parenting rights. And while i will not sit here and say i am an expert in law i will saw that many of the news articles that are jaw dropping. And so we have yet to reform punishment sex offenders we then think jumping to chemical castration is the next step in the process.

We are creating monsters and becoming ones ourselves in the process. As i said in my Post about Chemical Castration….. Wishing rape on a rapist does not make sense if you are essentially against rape. 😳 How does that make sense? While we may think the wheel of karma is coming full circle often we find that 1. The sex offenders where abused as children and 2. What karma would be issued to us to want such a hanous act to be carried out?

What does that make us? As a society?

And we need to have a child centered where it is humbly and honorably protecting children…… And looking at the society at large in which we raise them in and how we in turn created a world that we all must clean up in order for a child to thrive into adulthood.

Im not an expert. These are just some things i saw about or society and on social media and i am developing my personal thoughts around.

Is this really my life? (Last night)

Im just complaining again.

I just see all my friend making moves having kids and wedding and successful careers and relationships and babies and going back to school just i am sitting here being pimped and raped and molested on the astral realm in the most vile ways ……….. alone.

The voice had the nerve to say oh i can go do something with my life. Well i was doing something with my life and it decided to show my vile images of child abuse forcing me to quit my job. And i am already waiting on disability. Because between the migraines, my body vibrating, my vagina being burned, the physical heavy energy of these entities amd seeing, hearing them non stop and feeling them I just dont know what the point of trying to take on any major responsibility if they will just attack me when they feel like making a bet of my life.

I tried to take on babysitting my Goodson once a week and that honestly wipes me out for two days after. And thats pretty easy stvleast easy compared to all of what i use to do.

I just hate this. And i am just trying to go through the process with some hope but after nights like last night…….. I dont know. I dont even know what the point of having a body is….. But then i remember others dont go through this level of intensity. Indont even want my body any more. Its just being used for vile things and thoughts and beings.

Last night i felt a very heavy very large entity trying to sitting on top of me. My groin area as usual. I didnt try to look at them closely like i normally do cause then they electro shock my system to simulate fear but if i was scared i wpuldnt have looked in the first place and they look like dumb cartoons ANYWAYS. But i didnt feel like being electro shocked in my system. And i told them to get off of me they are tresspassing. They are not welcomed. Get the fuck out of my friends house. I threatened to take a photo of the entity with my “longExpo” app on iphone that takes good photos of them, even though i really didnt want to do all of that. And it went away for a while and i tried to sleep again. Then i was awakened and i heard the main voice i always hear talk about money (like he use to with other entities at my house last year) and i tried to fight off the new entity and just knew at some point it was pointless. And it vibrated my body (some how weird visions of cats came into the mix) and the new entity made this wierd gross sigh of relief making me feel so gross and used last night. And other voice said something like you scared her (with the sigh).

Like not only do i have to be used by dudes in 3D i have to be used by these invisible entities in 4D. And i hate having a body now. I hate it, its pointless. It’s not mine to have. I dont want to be here anymore. I wish there was another planet i could jump to but i cant…. Probably doesnt even exist. No wonder everyone hoping for aliens to come down and take them mean while im not sure if they are the ones raping me so i am screwed either way.

And a friend told me this is “the highest honor” we can do for our people and stuff and im not seeing how being raped and used and literally like pimped on the astral is helping that. And like im gonna be a old betty talking this non sense in a senior home is that really the life i got to loom forward to? I worked so fucking hard to get out of homelessness and just be there for others when i didnt have much ….. And just do my best and work hard. And really? This is what life’s got to give me? Entity rape guised as schizophrenia?

Because everyone believe a good ghost story until its your best friend getting raped in another dimension.

Just OVER IT! I thought i was making some headway to be honest and last night was a reminder that they are waiting to pounce me at any given moment. Im fair game for some reason. EVERYONE ELSE is protected by the blood of jesus but my ass.

I really really really fucking hate my life right now.