Who am I? What Am I?

I spent all morning racking my brain around, WHAT and WHO exactly am I in this “menagerie” of Entities and beings floating around me and my house.

These beings are starting to cover my own face to the point in a EMF photo you can barely see my actual face. (Again if you want to see you can just ask but those particular photos were scary so I won’t post them till I understand them better).

I feel like if you aren’t careful any being will come in and tell you who and what you are, just feeding yet ANOTHER matrix of lies to crawl out of. I don’t mind observing possibilities of truth, but I’m not taking anything for absolute truth just yet.

So you’ve seen it…… the memes that say we “are the light, be the light.”, that we “need to look INSIDE ourselves for the truth” all these riddles when we could just say hey this is what’s up. Either way…… how exactly am I suppose to look at myself physically or with in?

This part is kind of confusing me. I’ve worked on my mental A LOT and my emotional and while I might be 100% compared to where I was 3 years ago I did THE WORK while getting my ass rapped and beat my Entities.

I guess because I was/am assaulted by Entities there is a part of me that wants to just jump out of my body and handle them properly.

But also this all came from realizing how the have high jacked my imagination/ 3rd eye vision and my dreams. I’m my dreams I realized that it wasn’t mean driving or creating the dreams it was them. One of the Entities even was so bold to draw a simple drawing of who he was driving my dream, he was also trying to write but was having difficulty. I was only the observer. But how? Why? Very few of my dreams make sense now. They are mundane or just …. fast pace…. overall weird…. and I dream ALLL THE TIME. So it’s more like a place for them to play or live and act out and less likely my own consciousness. They are looney that is the best way I can describe it.

So as the observer and I can control this body 95% I say that because they can jolt my body and make it shiver, burn, be in pain etc and on rare occasions moved a limb, a toe or a pinkie. They can make me feel but they can not make me move with out a strong suggestion that I agree to. Say going to smoke a cigarette.

But how do I find that light with in? Truly? Not some illusion set up by the Entities.

Why in a photo I can see them but I can’t see myself (spiritually)? Am I locked in this body? Which is fine why is that these other beings can come and go as they please? And hurt my body?

I have so many question? And I again just don’t know where to go for answers. Or if those answers will suffice.

Part of healing to for me is deconstructing how and why we suffer. Critique it, trying to make it better for the next person. I take what I learned in 3D about healing and apply it spiritual. I have the option to wait on Gods grace (and the assumption) do nothing about my situation or I can be an active part in my healing and try to break this shit down not just for me but for others that feel like they are loosing it because of this odd experience.

I doubt any one reads this crap but lol if you have any good books or articles or methods to understand this better let me know.

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Can you be pimped in the astral plane?

I mean is that even a thing?

This is the second time (or period of time) this nasty ass evil ass piece of shit demon alien THING tried to pimp me on the astra to some heavy ass beast energy. Like i dont even know what they are doing exactly cause i can only hear and see in part.

But i know there was some talks of money. They got currency in the astral? And then some SUPER heavy energy layed on top of me as much as i fought and said no and cussed them out. And then the heavy entity sighed relief after being connected to me or something. (And the wierd cats visions) …… And im just over here trying to figure out what is happening to me.

Like are they just playing with me?

Is my energy or body really being pimped out by some asshole demon for astral currancy?

I mean can you even do that? Is it even like legal in the grand laws?

It sounds ridiculous right? And yet my friend said his twin flame in italy something similar was happening to her. But their story was all over the place.

I’m just by my lonesome trying to figure this out.

I just dont see how this is possible or legal or like not stopable at this point.

I just wanted to make this note in case anyone else was dealing with this in any shape or form.

I never tried to play in the astral/ dimension or anything like that……it just happened. But from what i read most are suppose to leave you alone …. Thats what im not understanding. Is why they wont leave me alone.

Is this really my life? (Last night)

Im just complaining again.

I just see all my friend making moves having kids and wedding and successful careers and relationships and babies and going back to school just i am sitting here being pimped and raped and molested on the astral realm in the most vile ways ……….. alone.

The voice had the nerve to say oh i can go do something with my life. Well i was doing something with my life and it decided to show my vile images of child abuse forcing me to quit my job. And i am already waiting on disability. Because between the migraines, my body vibrating, my vagina being burned, the physical heavy energy of these entities amd seeing, hearing them non stop and feeling them I just dont know what the point of trying to take on any major responsibility if they will just attack me when they feel like making a bet of my life.

I tried to take on babysitting my Goodson once a week and that honestly wipes me out for two days after. And thats pretty easy stvleast easy compared to all of what i use to do.

I just hate this. And i am just trying to go through the process with some hope but after nights like last night…….. I dont know. I dont even know what the point of having a body is….. But then i remember others dont go through this level of intensity. Indont even want my body any more. Its just being used for vile things and thoughts and beings.

Last night i felt a very heavy very large entity trying to sitting on top of me. My groin area as usual. I didnt try to look at them closely like i normally do cause then they electro shock my system to simulate fear but if i was scared i wpuldnt have looked in the first place and they look like dumb cartoons ANYWAYS. But i didnt feel like being electro shocked in my system. And i told them to get off of me they are tresspassing. They are not welcomed. Get the fuck out of my friends house. I threatened to take a photo of the entity with my “longExpo” app on iphone that takes good photos of them, even though i really didnt want to do all of that. And it went away for a while and i tried to sleep again. Then i was awakened and i heard the main voice i always hear talk about money (like he use to with other entities at my house last year) and i tried to fight off the new entity and just knew at some point it was pointless. And it vibrated my body (some how weird visions of cats came into the mix) and the new entity made this wierd gross sigh of relief making me feel so gross and used last night. And other voice said something like you scared her (with the sigh).

Like not only do i have to be used by dudes in 3D i have to be used by these invisible entities in 4D. And i hate having a body now. I hate it, its pointless. It’s not mine to have. I dont want to be here anymore. I wish there was another planet i could jump to but i cant…. Probably doesnt even exist. No wonder everyone hoping for aliens to come down and take them mean while im not sure if they are the ones raping me so i am screwed either way.

And a friend told me this is “the highest honor” we can do for our people and stuff and im not seeing how being raped and used and literally like pimped on the astral is helping that. And like im gonna be a old betty talking this non sense in a senior home is that really the life i got to loom forward to? I worked so fucking hard to get out of homelessness and just be there for others when i didnt have much ….. And just do my best and work hard. And really? This is what life’s got to give me? Entity rape guised as schizophrenia?

Because everyone believe a good ghost story until its your best friend getting raped in another dimension.

Just OVER IT! I thought i was making some headway to be honest and last night was a reminder that they are waiting to pounce me at any given moment. Im fair game for some reason. EVERYONE ELSE is protected by the blood of jesus but my ass.

I really really really fucking hate my life right now.

Exposing “illuminati” Pedos?

So a bunch of spiritual pages I know at some point start going off on a pedo tangent and “exposing pizzagate” and all these different illuminati pedos. One page says lady Gaga exposed them in an interview another meme says she is one…… and all these people doing is triggering the fuck out of me with their misinformation and conspiracy theories.

Until we have a justice system that actually properly handles sex traffickers, kidnappers, child molesters, pedos, pornographers, child abusers and rapists in a real and reformative way this shit is going to go on forever.

And no one give a FUCK about the little black girls missing in the hood when a pedo ring pops up. Only the illuminati! You see how fuck up and backwards this thinking is? You don’t care about the children!

Everyone wants to seem edgy and “expose” but what the fuck are we doing to save the kids?! That’s all I care about! YOUR MEME DOESN’T DO SHIT BUT TRIGGER SURVIVORS!!!! Do you think Hillary is really going to jail on pedo charges? Hmmm? Lady Gaga? BeyoncΓ©?!?

MY MAIN ISSUE IS THAT EVERYONE IS MORE CONCERN WITH CATCHING A PEDO AND NOT SAVING THE CHILD/CHILDREN!

Like we can’t even get a fucking rapist to go to jail for long if at all. One judge said because the boy came from “a good family” he won’t charge him for filming a rape. They rarely get charged max sentences.

Edit: If you gave a fuck about actual children then we would not be supporting any of this boarder patrol where children are separated from there parents, kept in cages and over 4,000 children have been sexually abused in the custody of the United States. Do we give a shit about that? That’s a pretty easy one. Or just the illuminati hunt?

This is all triggering to me as someone who suffers from pedo molestation from Entities in the astral realms AND it kills me we care more about exposing the illuminati and being edgy than like finding the children in these videos some how. I mean Lightworkers Unite and do a care bear stare and find them if there are actual evidence!

Whatever I’m done ranting.

How The Illusion Works

Examples:

Kim Noble: painting. Kim is a painter who has multiple personalities and allows her personalities to paint. This is an example of one interested me because it resembled one of my hallucinations. I would say this represents the Energy one would see which is usually not the full picture.

This is a quick drawing by me of a frequent “hallucination” I see. I feel like I can see the bare bones of what these beings really are but they can use light or dark to change themselves.

I don’t know who made this image but it showed up on my time line. I know it is suppose to be the divine mother Mary. This image caught my eye because again it looked very similar to that of Kim Nobles and my drawing. Now my drawing above can use light to create a dream or a vision to look like the image below. And that is how these beings create illusions. It’s the best way I can describe it.

Turning My Spiritual Attack into a Blessing

So don’t get me wrong. I have my days. And I want it to stop and I am standing my ground firm on that the best way I know how.

However…. my eyes have opened to knew worlds and communities of people I never knew existed. If it wasn’t for the internet I might be dead to be honest. Between the twin flame community and the targeted Individual community and the schizophrenic community there are so many that I can relate to. Most of us have learned to be soft with each other and built heart connections based on our traumas that we really can’t share with many people with out sounding completely looney.

But it’s important to really talk about it and unravel everything. Even as much as I write about everything it’s still difficult. Multiply storylines and merging storylines happened as well as confusion so at times I can only follow one frame work but usually there were multiple happening at the same time.

I want nothing more then to stop hearing voices all day long, and being raped by demons and being called vile names and shown distrusting images.

But this torture only propelled my fight to be outspoken for those who are are afraid to speak, to research, to observe.

I will always say I traded my FEAR for CURIOSITY. That was the first step to no fear. I picked up my pen and drew what I saw or I typed in my blog exactly what I was experiencing in that moment.

I then was able to reference back to these things at a later date and hopefully see a progression of sorts. And there has been progress. Slow but progress.

Carl Jungs Shadow Work also helped me learn WHY the demon aliens chose the topics they chose. Shadow Work is like root work ….. it’s getting to the root of an issue and a core belief system. I know that child sexual abuse is a big trigger for me cause of a childhood wound (that I mention in this blog) and because it’s just wrong. And they know it upsets me so just keep hitting that button over and over and over again. But I realized where it stems from and made some piece because at first it seemed like it was coming from no where. Like hearing “you’re a child molester” one day out of no where after not thinking about my childhood trauma for eons just seems random. But now I know why they picked it. Because I would murder them for what they did to me….. and they know it I ain’t above that shit. I will bust some πŸ‘½ alien mars attack heads idgaf!

ANYWAYS! πŸ˜‡

So other than getting to meet new people and expanding my community (which has been difficult due to homophobia and low key racism in the spiritual community but that’s a whole other story) and learning more about myself, I also seen a whole other world *cue Aladdin theme song*.

While this world was scary and confusing. If this this world exist ….. I know there is a God. While they def look like aliens and act like demons…. I’m not sure WHAT dimension I am in exactly. So again trade the fear of the unknown for curiosity. Not sure how long I will be here but I can document as much as I can while I am.

They can hurt us, but figure out HOW they hurt us. They won’t kill you (least that I know of) just make you want to off yourself. Suicide is kind of like their signature move.

The more we strengthen ourselves and document for others struggling, hold space for other struggling, support them, allow them to feel, listen to them, the more we can start shedding light on these alien demons that are holding innocent humans hostage.

We can turn this into a blessing. Alien/demons are real! Let’s stop acting like it’s just Hollywood. Where you think they get the creativity from? So! Let’s turn it into a blessing and flip this script on all of them real quick. They messed with the wrong generation!

Peace and Love

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Church: Honor?

About the 36:00 mark.

So honor.

Honor hasn’t been that much of an issue for me. I’ve respect most living beings.

I guess my issue is with the real enemy. These demons that have been torturing me for years. I have my eye on buying a Telsa Coil that is suppose work on sending electromagnetic pulses through the body getting rid of morgenella, parasites and they said etheric attachments as well.

But am I suppose to honor and wait on God? I can’t deal with these sick thought one more day! How do you honor a demon? Why would you honor? A best I feel bad for them as they are slaves to their nature. They do not know true love, joy they just observe it. Mimic it. Badly at that.

Can I honor a demon as it ruins my life and rapes me?

Last Nights Nightmare

So last night my friend went to the hospital for stomach and back pains. I am try hard not to attribute it to acute spiritual attack by these demons. She said she suddenly feels like she has no energy and of course she that’s what Demonic attacks feel like. But at the same time she has taken on a large t of school work and a new relationship and is a single parent. That’s why I help with watching my Godson so she can be a bit mobile a make it to NA meetings once a week as a part of her recovery.

Either way I trying my hardest not to trip and think any thing is my fault. That my mere existence and my presence has a negative impact when I’m trying my hardest to have a positive one. These demons have choice in who they go to next. It is not random clearly. It’s their choice not mine.

So last night I randomly took a a light box photo of myself while watching Jessica Jones on Netflix’s. A light box photo is this app that les you take photos in night and makes the photo sensitive to light. Basically it’s an EMF photo. I’ve posted a few before you can check out my media gallery (if you know how to I don’t). I won’t post the photo publicly because the I’m embarrassed a bit but if you want see the photo privately I will show you just message me. My fried said the ok lol very clear like reptilians.

That is how serious this photo is. Basically energetically (emf) it’s a mans face overlaying over my face to the point you can’t see my face. And above my head is a shadowy figure with its hands over my ears and the man and the shadow figure look connected through a cord of such. It is FREAKY.

It made me upset. Because I recognized this “mans” face from other times he has tried to scare me and even dreams. I’m not sure what his problem is or why he is here. He is around but doesn’t come into the picture frame often. And I guess cause I caught him on camera that might of upset him to scaring me a bit.

So my friend put on white noise “soothing sound of rain” to go to sleep and Soon as she went to sleep they started to go to town with talking really loud about about god knows what but kept calling me an idiot for about 5 or 10 mins before I got up to go smoke a cig. Then when I move I got hit with a huge light blue energy ball like I heard, it felt, saw it. It was like a little mini explosion light when gas catches fire. I never felt anything like that before. I just kind of stayed put for a few minutes before getting up again to see if it was going to happen again.

Everything is so strange. I felt fear for the first time in a while. I was also upset. Upset that some MAN (could have been a mantis entity being in a mask, yea I know sounds crazy but I’ve seen beings wear masks before) fucking face was over my face where my face should be. So soon as I got angry they were able to trade that for fear by talking over the white noise and sounding really human like.

Just not a good night over all. And the meds suck. I feel more agitated and irritated than usual.

3rd eye vs Imagination

This man expresses that the “3rd eye” is from the “tree of knowledge” it is basically the understanding of good and evil. And I guess we are not suppose to know that.

I realized I never tried to open my my third eye. It was already open when I even tried cause I was scared cause I was getting these strange visions of my ex’s (false twin flame) remote viewing me. So that freaked me. But my 3rd eye was already open technically for me to get a vision like that.

Also when does imagination end and where does “3rd eye” start? I use to listen to music on my train commute and make beautiful dance routines of different colors on my way to work. Was that my 3rd eye? Was that Entities?

What about dreams? I know now for sure Entities play in my dreams. But what about before were they the ones creating my dreams before? Did they get bored and wanted to take control of my life?

So when it comes to the third eye you have hallucinations (eyes open apparitions, flashes of light, sparkles, shadows, ghostly mists etc) , then you have visions which is what I think more people think (eyes open or closed but works with in the imagination and is more involuntary), imagination (eyes open or close more voluntarily), dreams (involuntary unless “Lucid dreaming” which could then just be imagination or visions).

Point is I wasn’t really trying to go this route to be honest. The tree of knowledge. I was kind of tricked like Eve I guess. Dumb AF. 😞 Strange things were happening to me and I was feeling strange things and I needed answers! Just like you would go to a doctor if you felt sick right? Only I got like thousand differ answers and I was left to sort through them and I am choosing now to leave it all behind.

I don’t know if I am ready to leave my blog yet. But I am almost ready to leave all the new age esoteric stuff alone cause it’s not doing anything for me. And the people that do know aren’t able to help me either. Just saying.

Not sure how to cultivate a better relationship with God when I’m literally covered in demons. From above my head to below my toes. I guess I was trying to search for a good layer. But I haven’t found one. So I just need to ignore this demon matrix and get on with my like they already took 4 years of my life.

Communities I Keep an Eye On πŸ‘€

Spiritual Community: This mainly includes: twin flames, 144,000, light workers, kundalini, spiritual awakening, ascension, channeled messages, The Event, 5D, entities attachments and attacks, energy, healing, empaths, occultist/ esoteric. Meditiation, Many different spiritual/religious belief systems in one place. Incubus, spirit husbans, reptilian,archons, matrix, star seeds, ancient cultures,

Alien Encounter Community: understanding acturian, paladian, grey, reptillian, mantis beings. Channeled messages. Earth bound conscious abductions. Star seeds, 5d earth, the event,

Targeted Individuls Community: gang stalking, street theater, mk ultra, v2k, project paper clip, nano technology, chem trails, electronic harrassment and torture, Morgenellas, CERN, EMF radiation, ELF waves, government patents.

Schizophrenic Community: paranoia, delusional states of being (even if you are right), anti-psychotic medications, symptoms mimick that of targeted individuals and spiritually opressed people (or vice versa), being seen as crazy, healing, theraphy, cognative behavioural therapy, transpersonal therapy, carl jung’s shadow work, hearing voices as a large scope of people rather than just schizophrenics (who twnd to have a negative experience). Sub vocal speech article,

Christian Community: Are they voice hearers? Hearing the voice of God? Is it God? The Event? Is the same as the rapture? Armageddon? Understanding demons/spirits through a Christian/ religious lens. Book of Enoch. Keeping/strengening my faith in God through all of this, the 144,000, Jesus, history. Story of Job, of Paul, of, Saul and Jesus all having been taunted by demons and the devil in the bible.

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Most people i have met are stead fast on their path and stick to their path. Thats fine. I found that there are MANY similarities between the the belief systems. And thats just in the 3rd Dimensional world explination.

Could it be that all the alien encounters, hundreds of praised gods and goddesses were just spirits or major demons trying take Gods glory because they simple could? I mean the Entity here with me has NO problem saying they are God and rape me in the next moment. Sick right? That is enough to make anyone to loose faith. Its a win win situation for them. Either they make someone loose faith in the One True God OR they Get some one to believe they ARE God or an authority of sorts.

But that is besides the point. These are the main communities i have studies and i have reached a plateau in my research. I can see them, hear them, feel their gross energy. Ive drawn what i have seen. They conflict with some of my research. And i havent found anyone i can use as a sound board to really confirm much of what i see. But definitely confirmed what we hear and feel. Visions and and hallucinations are a bit different. A vision is in your minds eye. A hallucination is standing in your living room you can walk around it. But they are not 3d theybare more flat 2d line drawings i can walk around.

Anyway the plateau is frustrating. Cause i want to move beyound this or i want it to be over.

Its my anthropological mind that got me here. Im always too curious. Why…. How? Whats the story? I could not accept this as a broken brain. I was hearing words and phrases i never even heard before. I had to google them.

I have heard people who have been cured of their affliction similar to mine to mine through medication, but also though shamic healing, also through prayerand the grace of God, some meditation, so im just wonder IF i will ever find my healing.

I mean being all over the map has both a blessing and a curse. In one way as i research and went to healers who gave me information that conflicted with something in the storyline the demons were creating. First it was telepathy as twin flames with my ex as were supposedly fractions of Isis and Osiris souls. πŸ˜” spare me. Then when i rejected that they went on to say i was being raped and called a child molestor because i was “paying for my father” which was my dad was accused of molesting me which he didnt (i wrote about it many times in this blog you can search it). Then they weree trying to convince me they were God by blacki g me out like 3 or 4 times. Then when i started seeing them and they looked like alien or reptilian or demon trolls heads floating around…. Things got UBER confusing but that didnt stop their torure one bit.

So jumping around helped me understand most of it was bullshit. BUT the path to actual healing looks future away. Or confusing. Amd no salt baths and picturing a bright white light around me did not work.

I was recently told i am one of the 144k and a light worker and i have no idea what that even means. To me i was wouldn’t have have the innate power to blast these things away? Just saying. I just feel like 4 years of my short life has been wasted all to a demon. This is not why i was born. To be raped by demons all day everyday.

Im still pushing through tho. I still wish i had a mentor that could help me ubderstand this stuff. If im going to stuck with them might as welm make them my lab rat expiriments. Since thats what they are doing to me. Fuck em.