Unawakened Father

TRIGGER TRIGGER: Gross 💩

Ok so I wanted to document in my blog how these DEMONS are trying to play me. And I really don’t know what to do. I made the best decision I could granted my Demonic situation and I really don’t know what else to do to DEESCALATE the situation and TURN UP because I know that’s what’s these DEMONS want.

So. (Big deep breath) my father watches porn. I don’t care that my father watches porn. I mean up until 6 years ago I did too but I stopped. I’m not going to porn shame although I hold mixed feelings all together. Shaming others is not the way. Be it the industry or consumers. But yea….. all beside the point.

Point is. My “room” is an enclave with a sonji screen so privacy is so a minimum all it fits is a bed. I try to remain thankful although the loud noises and TVs can really make me want to run.

So my father normally does his work at the kitchen table about 6 to 8 feet from my enclave and because I am awakened at 3 or 4am every fucking night no matter the Benadryls I am normally awake when he leaves.

At first I would make him coffee and a kind gesture if I had the time. And almost felt it was my duty to send him off into the city jungle with a happy toned “have a good day!”. But soon …………. sometime into this ritual I started hearing porn sounds coming from his computer.

First time it was whatever, I laid in my bed motionless as the demons made a huge deal out of this moment and started flashing images of my father penis, or a penis and my father jerking off. And the demons would molest or rape me as the did this all from a moment of moans from porn.

I’ve personally avoided sex scenes in tv shows enjoy (ex: Magicians).

So while I don’t porn shame I do wish I wasn’t around ……. maybe me? I don’t know if I’m being too extra with that. I would rather be asleep and I have tried to knock myself out with 8 Benadryl so I would have to be up at his hour so that the demons can rape me on this incest play.

I wrote my father an email directly to him. Asking him if he could use his tablet and watch porn in his bed room. ” cause no one wants that image of their father” and I tried to keep it none judgmental and more about the fact that the demons harm me. I check his email and I didn’t see it in his email but I know I heard the email notification go off when I sent it.

BUT I think he did it again….. today………. and even if he didn’t the demons are trying to make me think he did so that I turn the fuck up and cause some drama and get my ass kicked out my parents house AGAIN. Like I have to sit there in fear and be molested by god knows how many spirit demons. And I’m tired. I tried to be open and clear and father ignored it and me. And now there’s going to be tension.

This is because the demons for whatever reason want to make me “aunt Joycey“, and I don’t even know what that me at THERE level cause they keep using it as an insult but but my aunts awesome.

There whole thing is that they want me to move to my aunts now and leave my mom who they gave a stroke and a heart attack and my sister a stroke to. And I don’t know why. But I do know they are taking advantage of an awkward situation that I would normally would be able to let go and blowing it up and making me look at my dad differently and really fucked up cause I know it’s not that deep to a man who is unaware and unawake.

I didn’t want to drag my mom into this, cause that’s drama. I didn’t want to mention this again cause drama and I just was hoping he would understand but again it’s already in motion….. it’s already in my head ……. even if he never does again it will loom around will this demon rape me at 5am because my father watched porn. Trying make me run away to my aunt J house?

Yea that’s my life right now.

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Therapy Fail 😴

Therapy has failed me.

It failed at being the consistent rock I needed when everything was falling apart. Overworked therapists who I was more concerned about their wellbeing than my own. High turn overs at the clinics, having to restart and that painful part of your story over and over and over ad nauseam to a new therapist is exhausting.

And that’s if I could even access it. Not getting call back for therapy appointments months later.

And I’m just kind of spinning around taking every one suggestions of salt baths, and psyche meds, and therapy, and shaman healing sessions and crystals and this and that and my head is spinning and my situation is no better. I am just more steeped in it.

I still see the energy orbs around my house and now around the city. I’m worried to death about my family. I have a Demonic Entity Mantis thing telling me to kill myself and trying to make like so unbearable that I don’t want to live.

And while I would LOVE to say this is all just some figment of my imagination, it’s not and I have photos and have had other friends confirm those photos. I also interviewed a number of random people from different belief systems that showed signs and outside the illusionary visions /”hallucinations” (depending on how conscious you are), the messages and tactics are usually the same. Tactical Rape, Entity position themselves as an authority figure, kill yourself (short version).

So therapy will do what? Definitely not going to help save the world from the corny ass darkness (that’s dark/dull purple energy by the way). Very few will want to hear about this crazy ass shit. I wouldn’t even know how to use therapy at this point because it has failed me so many times and I had to reconcile my life for myself.

So I’m not sure. I’m overly self aware so I am trying to be better at something I can’t say that I am exceeding at. Like responding to the demons. Fail! I can do it for short periods. But long periods. Fail.

I’m not sure what I would gain from therapy at this point. My primary doctor suggested that I have therapy because I keep crying because I keep trying to cure the symptoms of this Demonic possession. And I asked for therapy and psychiatrist didn’t want to give me therapy….. and I wouldn’t be able to see anyone for at least 3 months anyway and that’s why I originally went there but got stuck in psychiatrics and just figured just go with it because switching takes months if not a year on my timeline.

So I’m just not sure what therapy will or can do for me at this point.

Keeping it Lite 💡

I’m having a difficult time with being between the fact that the demons have ruined my life in unimaginable ways (described in this blog), caused my sister to have a stroke, my mom to have a stroke and heart attack……… AND trying to be normal fun loving me, AND having to be a warrior and take these demons on.

They never shut up……. they are always doing black magic….. I have no defense against them other than the fact I can see them, an iPhone camera and a keen sense of self, but that doesn’t stop them.

I don’t “play” with them as much as they play with me mostly as I wake up and then throughout the day.

If I knew how to make this stop I would.

I can’t think with out them inserting themselves…….

I am so FUCKED 😥

I have no idea what to do right now.

I am seeing the same demon that was on me, on my sister that I know caused her stroke before it got to me……… so ONE thing IS confirmed is these demons can jump from one person to the other. That’s double confirmed for me.

When I actually try to address my schizophrenia or migraines medication this demon jumped to my twin sister who has health issues because she was a premie.

So when I try to “raise my stupid fucking miserable vibes” and try to elevate they literally attach to my sister or stay by her bed sipping on her human juices or whatever it they do to either of us. And that doesn’t mean I’m left alone. That just means I’m left alone by the one that feels like death. The others ones still go in and out and switch off on my body and use parasitic toys and tools to mess with my body.

So this is a fucked up situation. Raising vibration and energy and all that stuff is not what people think it is. Like you can literally get your shit ripped open matter how good your day way or if you’re eating organic or gmo. If that Demonic alien wants to fuck your ass up that’s what’s gonna happen. There are no mantras or binaural beats, or amount of positive thinking that will make it go away.

That is a cognitive, conscious decision that, that being must make on it’s on. I can’t change these beings. Even if it seems like it in one area it’s a lie in another. I don’t have super powers. I will not disillusion myself and say I have any. I can see them like any regular degular ass human can see a ghost, or shadow people, or sparkles or flashes or all the other crazy stuff. I just studies the photos for a while. STUDIED. Which is not super powers.

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!! Other than like tell my family to like move to the middle of the desert or something. And even then!!!!! These things travel!!! So like I’m going to be stalked all my like by a fucking praying mantis, aliens, a reptilians, an army of gecko, trolls and demons? Like What the actual fuck?

You know they got cars? I don’t even got a car…… freaking crazy.

I don’t know what to do! I did what I was suppose do. Try to get better! Medically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically all that stuff, I took their pills to get better, I did the salt baths, whatever and now boom if I try to do good for myself this piece of shit pedophile Demonic alien ass face is going to then go harass my sister.

Now that my sister is involved. And they outwardly threatened my sister for the first time and I put all the pieces together and got confirmation…. I’m not sure what to do anymore.

It’s bleak. Committing suicide doesn’t ensure my sister’s safety if all they wanted was me dead. It doesn’t ensure that I won’t hear their nasty asses anymore. Leaving I’m not sure if it will ensure either of our safety. I’m not sure if it’s just me or if I am picking things up from other people as I become more open. And I’m not sure if becoming more open is a good or a bad thing. But I know it weakened me. I now realize I was taken medication and I thought it worked but it wasn’t…. and they were just acting.

So what actually works?

They are psychos. They feel justified in their actions.

These Demons Gave My Sister a Stroke

Something told me they did. I couldn’t prove it. In 2016 when I started hearing voices 24/7. It was almost night and day. Like soon as it became 2016 BOOM voices 24/7.

I was trying to understand what was happening to me, who sent this voodoo to me ….. why was I hearing my ex’s voice EVERY WHERE….. seeing his name. Then BOOM right before our birthday my twin sister had a STROKE. Too young for a stroke.

I was devastated, I started drinking , I would come home after work and drink and cry all night about my sister in her room. And this was after crying for like 6 months after a breakup.

Then maybe once my sister came back home and I quit my job. I started feeling super heavy. I started getting dizzy every time I sat up. Especially when I would quickly sit up to help take care of my sister. I thought it was the stress. I had perfect blood pressure all my life even in the psyche ward. So a couple months in I started just feeling IT.

I mean I felt the “schiz” stuff before or the Entity rape…. burns head pressure…. but this was different.

I felt sick and worried.

So I got schiz, my sister had a stroke, my mom had a heart attack all in the same year. And I only started seeing how these Entities work in 2017. How they attach to the body where what why ….. so I’m really over this.

Even as I write this they attacked me started almost making me pass out with heavy energy. I can only imagine what that would do to someone who is older or not in best of health.

I mean even my health is deteriorating because of this experience. But they don’t care. They just want to make it so someone commit suicide or oops I killed them in a stroke or a heart attack because I sat on their forehead and suffocated their brain or plopped my dark heavy ass energy on their heart. Oops!

I hate them sooooooo much!

When that Entity came to me after I told it to come out of my sisters room and I felt that sick energy the same that my sister said she felt a few days before……. I just knew….. it was confirmation……… I’m pissed I’m angry…… I thought there was some sort of law or code they couldn’t hurt anyone but apparently there isn’t.

So fuck them!

UPDATE: also after my sister’s stroke my sister went blind in her left eye.

Upon observation of my own body I’ve often had a rod or flower or overlay on my eyes with a heavy focus on my left eye to the point of pain. I even got my eyes checked out in the beginning. Everything was fine. Not sure now. Because I started actually seeing stuff in 2017. But the lights and flashes and whatever is in my eye that maybe allows me to see this light frequency HURTS. And then I wonder if it allows them to see like us.

Not sure if it’s a direct connection to my sister but I’m just saying.

I keep seeing these black sparkles bigger and bigger more and more and I just wonder if my sight is going to go away one day because all of this activity that’s constantly happening on me.

“I AM Isis”: The Throne

When I first started hearing audible voices the Entities pretended to be my ex (false twin flame) an practically was forcing me to say “I am Isis”. Every day for almost a month the voice of my ex or a woman pretending to be an angel or his friend or something kept saying just say “I am Isis” and I mean Isis is cool. I know a lot of twin flames dig her.

When I was young my family gave me a lot of Egyptian children’s toys. And I always kinda loved mythology growing up. But these Entities definitely ruined that for me.

So in my twenties many of my friends were Caribbean mainly Haitian and Puerto Rican and so Ifa (Yoruba) and Santeria were things were talked about. So I also studied some of the mythology as well since many of my friends references these Gods and Goddesses as like some one would say Isis.

When I looked up the name of Isis, her name means. So Isis means “throne” in Egyptian mythology.

I never understood why they wanted me to call myself Isis. First they said I was in a past life, then they said it was code names, then it just got all really crazy and mixed up and scary.

Either way I was thinking yesterday about about something. One of the Entities who was dressed as an “Acturian” wrote in a photo “I test before I sit”, I told her I fail and she can have a seat somewhere else. One that didn’t feel very “Acturian” in nature and I don’t trust anyone now.

In Santeria and I believe in Ifa (might be called something different) called “mounting” which the Orisha takes over the human body. Usually these are designated ceremonies for this.

So the other day it’s like this experience and the name Isis and mounting all clicking for a moment.

My mind my body is a throne in which these entities sit who wish to be worshipped like Gods and or Goddesses. But unfortunately from what I SEE they are not. They don’t act like it, look like it and unless rape and migraines is Goddess status nah.

I can’t say how it is for other religions. I know Orishas have very specific ways they are suppose to act. So I guess I’m trying to understand where does my experience fall in all of this.

Know Thyself 📜

Knowing thyself or myself has only stabilized me in these attacks but it has not stopped them.

I’m stuck in a matrix of lies forced to learn about these lies and hoping to find my way out. How much sense does that make?

The only truth I know is my intentions.

I see all this shit, golem looking lord of the ring what the fuckers and reptilians and trolls and seeing all this stuff hearing it feeling it endlessly for what!? Knowing myself for what? As much as I know myself, the force of the other side only try’s to be stronger or heavier.

So I’m sorry but we need an update and not eon old text anymore. These demons are not playing fair anymore more IN FACT they will actually act like Jesus so rebuking them in Jesus’ name is like spraying water on a cockroach.

So we really need our warriors to stand up. Not for money or praise but for love, compassion and understanding because people out here loosing their mind and lives cause of this shit. We are loosing a generation of people who don’t know themselves and the ones that do can’t defend themselves against the evils that want them dead.

That shit is bleak!

I don’t t want to be that bleak!

But this is where I am at, these are the people I talk to …….. this is craziness I see on the news and Facebook.

And I know life can be good I just haven’t had that in 3 years maybe longer. I’ve just been fighting every day trying to figure out how to deal with this possession or how to format this information so someone else isn’t tricked into taking their life.

Being Eve 🍎🍏

Are you going to take the red pill or blue pill?

Tree of life or tree of knowledge?

I was deceived like Eve.

See we all sin, make mistakes, learn grow hopefully . But the deception of Satan/Lucifer is far more grand. Life altering.

Once I was attacked or saw a spirit I went to shamans and healers and new agents for help and they all took my money. And while they were the only ones who would listen to me, and believe they did not remedy the situation as promised leading down a path closer and closer to where I am at now.

My assumption is that they are deceived as well.

But it was when Satan pretended to be God. That it was the most dangerous in leading me astray.

I just have no idea what to trust anymore.

Lithium (pt 2)

I’m not sure if it’s the Lithium or the fact that I read two articles that suggested that God allows you to go through this situation.

But I am SO ANGRY.

WHY won’t God just kill these Demons already who are toying with humans? Enslaving humans? Me?

Like why is this being drawn out into an epic novella when God can just wipe them out and we can get rid of at least one form of pointless suffering?

I don’t want to be mad at God. Cause I know that wrong believe with all my might and being. I said THIS ISNT MY GOD. I defended my God. You will see it through out my blog!

But at the end of the day ….. the creator of ALL things let’s this piece of shit Entities exist but let his son die? Let this piece of shit rape me day in and day out ……. and I suppose not come out this shit with questions? What kinda dumb bitch is that?

So I’m not sure if this the Lithium talking and got me way the fuck off balance or if this an epiphany. That I’m nothing ……. but a pawn ….. a toy…. in a game that has nothing to do with me.

I’m just so sick of this bullshit.

Frequency noise

So I was noticing it was day time. Family had the TV on and NO high pitch frequency sounds were coming through on my ears.

For a moment once I looked for it it came though and then went away. But it wasn’t there.

So at night when the TVs are FINALLY off I hear high pitch frequency sound and then some times a ringing in the ears that sound super close. Not to mention the voice that is ALWAYS screaming in the background about some 💩.

So what it seems like NO PEACE .

The Entities need a consistent flow of sound to bounce off of. Be that white noise, frequencies, tv, a fan, people outside. I haven’t had silence for 3+ years. I guess it’s to break me down mentally and emotionally.

Just another observation.

I have an appointment with the ear doc to see if this stuff has to do with with the migraines.

I was hoping the lithium would help me feel well enough to be about to go for walks but I’m feeling jittery, a little light headed. Sooooo…..

my goal is to stop Voices AND or get back to the gym and in shape. And idk man these pills are something else. Something has to give.