I X out my name, my “friend” here randomly called me gay as an insult like I had been lying to him about it.
I honestly have been having some issues with my sexual orientation as I try to reconcile my faith and having a FLEET of demons attack my ass.
So I think it’s natural to wonder was it because I’m queer (which is NOT GAY), was it because I had premarital sex? Didn’t keep the sabbath? Sex worked to pay rent that one time 15 years ago? Smoked weed? Shrooms?
I honestly thought God loved me regardless of my orientation. 😞 I honestly thought the whole condemning gays was more about stepping out on a marriage /adultery/lying. And I didn’t trust humans cause I felt like they focused of it a bit to much when there were are whole BUNCH of other things to focus on. I thought the sin was NOT being who you are (with in reason) the “higher self”. But you have to know yourself in order to be that. I never saw being queer about SEX but love and loving who I love and sex was just how we expressed that. But that’s just my small human mind. I just didn’t think it would cost me housing and jobs and friends and sanity.
But queer seems to stick out always.
Enough to get kicked out from my parents and be homeless, enough to be discriminated against at work and loose my job. Enough for the Demonic Entity voices to call me a pedophile lesbian bitch.
This suppose to be my friend who’s a guy . And then he goes on to say he likes lesbians. But I honestly identify as nothing now. I have no orientation because I’m sick to my stomach. I tried so many relationships they all failed miserably. Then to find out there are like Demonic aliens playing The SIMs human edition with my love life and fucking up my relationships doesn’t give me faith in the next. And then on top of it seeing pedo child molestation shit in visions is a HUGE 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢 turn off to LIFE so I’m fucking good on being stressed out by dick.
I tried my best to give love and I was fortune enough to at least feel that even if was short lived in queer relationship with my ex soul mate.
But I will not have my guy friend throw my orientation in my face like an insult. I’m tired of being condemned.
I’m not sure if I should continue to talk to him. I unfriended him and told him goodbye and why I was saying goodbye and that I forgave him. BUT I’m not sure if I should talk to him ever again.
My only concern right now is 1. Getting rid of these demons in a responsible way 2. Healing these wounds. NOT CREATING NEW ONES. 3 getting healthy again.
Relationships and all that other stuff is kind of not really a big deal a much as I would love to curl into a ball in the arms of a lover.