Hey A-Z!

So I saw the letters A-Z today on a purse in a game I was playing… 

Then I remembered that song “hey as won’t you play that song and keep me dancing… All night!” But I only remembered the this sped up remix version that I can’t seem to find.

Then I went to website and in the corner I saw AZ…. 

So 3 times today and I wondered what the symbolism around it since I AM a symbolism nerd, always have been…. Its a hobby…. I’m very limited in things I feel comfortable doing because of this Entity. Even “angel numbers” got out of control. But I like knowing the history behind colors, numbers, shapes ect, or symbolism, or culture behind them. Sometimes it varies, sometimes it doesn’t.

Sorry if this blog post is kinda unorganized and raw. Just poking around. 

Either way——- Alphabet Symbolism——–

A – Alpha :

According to Wiki, the letter A symbolizesas most are familiar with, God, first, leader, ox, one. On the wiki page it says that Alpha is associated with the moon. But I could not verify that in other searches. 

And we are familiar with the term “Alpha Male” defined as “a man tending to assume a dominant or domineering role in social or professional situations.” We know that to have uhm…. Morphed over the years with a prime example over at Urban Dictionary’s top definition, which I refuse to post that BS here. 

According to this article Alpha State: “When we are wide awake, our brain is in a beta (and sometimes gamma) state, but as we drift into sleep, it shifts to alpha, and then to delta and theta in deep sleep. The alpha state is a light hypnotic state- relaxed, yet focused and receptive. In this state of consciousness, a person is calm, able to absorb new information and become more resourceful and open to new possibilities.”

Totes not in a calm state at all ever. When ever I am the Entity will make sure to take full advantage and fuck shit up! ๐Ÿ˜Š


Z- Zeta: 

According to Urban Dictionary (don’t judge me) ; “a concept, heretics refer to it as a “function”, in mathematics. the meaning of life and the universe and all. zeta will show the limits of thehuman mind. god.”

This was also an interesting article on the concept of an “Zeta Male” described as, “The โ€œZeta Maleโ€ label was proposed around 2010, for the men who arenโ€™t playing the dominance-and-subservience games of alpha/beta โ€“ more on point, proposed as a label for the men who actively reject the gynocentric model of alpha-fux-beta-bux and the social-dominance model of โ€œalphaโ€ behaviorโ€ฆ

Feminists have used Medusa as a symbol of female rage and power. The Zeta Male is one who has contempt for female rage, and spurns female/feminist power; he views Society and its antics through the mirror of his Red Pill understanding, and doesnโ€™t get sucked into the games, the posturing, the alpha-beta roles, the desperate quest to measure himself by the opinions of the crowd or the standards of the girls he might or might not be able to bed. He rises above all that shit, and goes his own way, unseen by the crowd.”

Interesting.

The letter Z is also associated with the planet Jupiter which chock full of symbolism and associated with the number 7. Which you will find in that fun link.

According to Wiki the letter Z also symbolizes; “The Semitic symbol was the seventh letter, named zayin, which meant “weapon” or “sword”. It represented either the sound /z/ as in English and French, or possibly more like/dz/ (as in Italian zeta, zero).”

“In other dialects, such as Elean and Cretan, the symbol seems to have been used for sounds resembling the English voiced and voiceless”

I know this is speaking to the phonetic part of a letter that isn’t acknowledged… But I thought it was kind of interesting considering my situation, where I (currently have a 3D voice) and this Entity (which kinda sorta doesn’t have its own voice). But then we take it a step further, in a way this blog is my way of expressing myself “my voice” because I didn’t know where else to express myself…..and I felt isolated and silenced by this Entity. In another sense I hope that this blog is a way of connecting with people who are too afraid to speak about their experience because they feel crazy or insane or don’t want to be looked down upon.

Alpha = One

Zeta = Zero

One and Zeros ….. How Matrix-y! Or nerdy coding. 

Ah well it was fun researching………

๐ŸŒน Forgiveness + Understanding ๐Ÿƒ

As I said before in a previous post. I didn’t do anything to deserve this. 

Much like people who have “done me wrong”, I try to understand them. I might “demonize” them in the beginning because I need to get out of the situation that doesn’t feel good, but soon at some point my mind tries to figure things out…. What did I do? What did they do? How can I do things differently in the future?

So now I am in a situation, where I hear and feel and see some “entity”….. But I can’t truly prove it (even with recordings someone will say its doctored), I can’t defend myself, and I’ve never truly seen it. Only images/ visions. 

I’ve tried to understand from almost ever perspective. I try to understand why this entity (much like the other people in my life, friends, family, lovers) hurt me. Usually this leads to compassion and letting it go either the issue or the person.

But I truly tried to figure this one out. Why I did this entity attack? What did I do to allow this to happen? What is IT? Why is this happening to so many people all over the planet?

The only thing is that…. I can’t let it go. I don’t know how to. And it will not let me go. And I just lay here waiting for that day….. And wasting my life listening and feeling crazy shit all day.

As much as I would like to say it was past life, or karma, spirit guide, awakening or whatever…. I can’t. Yea the each have been woven into a grand “storyline” to distract me from the main question.

Why did you hurt me?

Each day it makes less and less sense. And I just have to be OK with that. Because it never truly does. 

Update I posted in a forum:

“In forgiveness there must be understanding …. And through compassion from understanding …. Are we able to achieve true forgiveness…. Because we see ourselves in them.”
How to do you heal and forgive in a lie?

Question: Why did it contact me?

Why did this entity reveal itself to me if it won’t tell me, why its here, where it comes from, how it has access to me or got here or what it really is…….?  (!)

Like what’s the point now?

Like people, speculators, healers will give me EVERY reason in the world…. Some story to believe in…. To heal from…. To reconcile. But nah… There is nothing to reconcile. I’m calling bullshit on some of this. Abuse is abuse! I don’t care if YOU can’t see it…. Or understand it. Its spiritual energetic abuse…. With no reasoning.

If this was from a past life…. Can it just jump or attach to my mom or my ex like it keeps saying it will or has? Hmm that doesn’t make sense to make other people “pay” for something by using them. Hmmmmmmmm..

You can sit here and tell yourself that you’re being spooked the fuck out because of arbitrary “past life” if that helps you cope. But all we have is this life NOW. And whatever this is is trying to cheat millions of people out of their NOW.

So its here. They are very obviously here…. Whatever you want to call or visualize them as…… Terrorizing people …. Humans or whatever…. For what?

At this point its opinions are invalid. 

Annoyed, tired, over it.

Authenticity and Healing

1. I am not sure it was an implanted belief or not. But at some point I had this…. Idea that I am suppose to pray and wait for this Entity/ Demon thing to leave. 

Some days I would just walk around chit chatting with this thing like we are besties letting it drain me of my energy. And then it shows me an image of child abuse or does something gross or rapes me in my sleep. And then I go back on my quest to get rid of it.

I’m tired and very confused at this point.

So I had to get rid of this guilt about looking for a solution for my own healing. That I looked outside my faith in God it was dark magic. 

Not all methods or concepts of healing or protection I fully understand. So there are some ideas that go against my belief or experience.

I finally came to my own conclusion…. Whatever this thing is….  Entity, alien, demon, djinn……  Why would God want me to sit there and take it and not fight back anyway I can? Why I sit here and act like this thing is my friend when really its draining my life force, showing me sick shit and using Gods name to control me. Why would God be upset that I tried to find healing, understand it or create it?

2. Being as I have researched this Entity Attachment from EVERY possible angle and belief system…. Its been difficult to figure out what mode of healing works best. I’ve tried many. I’m also upset that people took my money with out ever really helping. But it’s not that simple it seems. And I feel like I have to fully understand energy, mysticism and healing for myself to get rid of this thing.

I mean I’ve studied herbs and nutrition, as well as financial and community health….. But now spiritual health it seems like I will have to dive into. I’m strong enough in myself. I think………… Its just this attachment will make it difficult to really study. I can barely read anymore ….  That’s why I write. 

I’m sick of being bullied and defenseless.

3. My experiences don’t always corelate with a single “belief system” or knowledge base. So figuring out what something REALLY is …. Can be tricky. But I also like understanding how or what it may corelate with OTHER belief systems as well.

Example: I see flashes of light/ sparkles. 

Belief #1: your angels are around you.

Belief #2: your auric field is being attacked by an entity.

Belief #3: your eyes/brain needs to be checked. Retina damage or floaters.

Belief #4: ascension upgrades/ coming into your “gifts”.

These are all different and kind of conflictibg. I am sure there are even more beliefs around this one experience…. But finding what is true at least for me. And while I have found so many half truths…. I haven’t found any whole truths just yet.

(I’m being choked into tears as I write this right now) What are the importance of tears anyway? I try to stop. I hate crying now because it doesn’t feel like a release anymore it feels like manipulation. 

4. Maintaining authenticity. In one group…. Someone is telling me I need to stop drinking coffee…. Stop doing this or that…. Don’t listen to certain music…. Surrender…. Don’t be at meat, Just wait it out….. “You are going through a storm to recieve your blessing type amen”…… Like I don’t know y’all. 

I have to be myself. I like coffee, cigarettes, listening to Flatbush Zombies and I’m pissed off. If course I want to better myself! But its just doesn’t feel right just stripping my life of everything I enjoy…. And sitting here and waiting it out. That is no different than this Entity. 

I have to re learn what works for me …. Considering my life circumstance right now (ie. Entity and watching my twin sister). 

But my priority is healing and removing this entity because I think he got confused somewhere down the line.

Just trying to stay grounded…. But also open. 

Musing of an Archon (link to blog post)


https://ogdoas.wordpress.com/2014/01/27/musings-on-the-archons/
—————————–

So I had another friend who said this seems like an archon. So because this entity has shown me soooooooooo many images/ visions of what I know is not it. I decided to look to see what it may look like. I honestly expected like alien looking thing. 

However I got the image above. So what’s funny is that I actually see this thing either “inside my eye” or in my “aura field”. It is clear/ fuzzy/white …. Can change it’s shape, sizes or turn into multipuls … Line up ect, also I occassionally see a bright flash of light in the same area. Either way I see it. And I don’t remember seeing it before. The turn up in 2016.

Now I also wonder if its the “actual archon” or its hook(s). Yes they deal with religion, and demiurges (like mine to smoke, eat or watch zootopia 100 times a day.) Demon play, God, darkness fear. They some how latch into the neverous system or auric fields to control…. but again my understanding is limited to this experience.

Try this exercise: if on a clear blue sky sunny day …. Or on a cloudy overcast but day time. Stare into out into the sky …. Do you see a circle? Or two? It kind of moves with the with your vision….so you might only be able to see if for a few seconds. I know some people will say “that’s a floater” but if that’s what you feel cool. For me a floater wouldn’t turn into a perfectly straight line of circles and change. So…. You might also notice like little fast sparkle ish stuff as well. I’ve seen that for awhile and don’t feel anything from that…. Specifically but I could also be wrong. But you might see the sparkles. 

You may also see a white pulse like light if you close your eyes but that’s less frequent.  Either way try it. If you don’t see it. I hate you and you are so luck. ๐Ÿ˜Š Joking! Kinda. But seriously that’s a good thing. 

I said in a forum, whatever it is that they get from us. Isn’t there a better way of getting it that’s not so gross? Just saying. There has to be a better way. I mean while I’m like both middle fingers up to these assholes….. I’m also what’s the point of driving people crazy to get what you want? As we understand that there are things outside of our animal kingdom…. Can we not co-exist in a peaceful way? (We haven’t proven ourselves in the animal/ plant kingdom, but you know what NEITHER HAVE THEY so they need to cast judgment on themselves)

Some examples…. Since I can hear an “Archon” telepathically….. Could an Archon help someone who is deaf? Could there be a mutually beneficial and compassion realationship for each others abilities that doesn’t result in kamakazi suicide or depression?

Same thing for someone who is blind. Since I get all kinds of “third eye visions”. I know this may be outside of the box and unorthadox. But idk I’m just writing out loud.

Unfortunately they lie…. A LOT …. Like A LOT A LOT …. To the point even if they did tell you the truth prolly still think it’s a lie. Much like in the article above many, like myself, who are in direct contact with one, most do not get any straight answers. Soooo………. ? 

I mean as much as I would love to step on this thing for what it did/ does to me. I also would like to envision a world of truth where we can co-exist and at least STRIVE to be mindful of each other. Neither of us are perfect…. But some how we’re are in our own way.

However I never EVER agreed to this thing being in or staying in or entering my life. I am just trying to understand. 

Just some thoughts.

The point .ย 

So what’s the point of all this? 

Almost every belief torn down for what? 

Torn down and still shimmers in its beauty, essence, goodness. Beautiful stones that were used to build prisons.

So now what? 

I will not bow down.

You and your kind have lied to my people. Misguided…. And divided. And we are done. The lies are sooooo deep we even think they are good.

So why are you still here?

I am no longer interested in entertaining your game…. Or play… Deception

We’ve come to a point….  And your side seems desperate.

Leave!

5am in the Morning

Before I fully woke up the Entity said “It is a gift from God to be expelled of negative energies.”

My cousin woke me up to help her dress a wond she got from a brutal attack last week. 

It wasn’t until I started fully waking up that addressed this statement made in MY head that God gave ME! 

So, negative “energies”; mental health, physical sensation, emotional ect …. To be are symptoms of an Entity. Their are also “positive” ones as well… Harder to spot…. But there.

Either way early morning sleepy head….. This Entity tries to ask me questions that will steer me away from God. Or denounce God.

Maybe I’m an entitle little shit to think that these Entities should not be able to contact people, or affect or influence lives to this degree. Of course I wonder why…. What is Gods plan…. And why we weren’t born protected. But again this Entity for whatever reason wants me to denounce God. And be honest has given me more than enough reasons to feel the need to do so.

But I thank God for my discernment…. I wish I would have come into them earlier. Then I wouldn’t have allowed the Entity to act as my loved ones in my life. 

You must really think your God!” I said to the Entity as I sat on the toilet. 

Kinda sorta maybe.” 

Not my God!“.

I want to be expelled of this Entity! Not the energies that go up and down my body, that rapes me, cripple me, scare me, scream at me….. I want to be expelled of the one who is creating it. Not the symptoms of what should not be there.

Either way that was my morning today.

Sister Sister (part 4)

Last year (maybe 2 week – a month) prior to my twin sister having a stroke in March 2016. My sister and I had a verbal fight. I’m not sure what it was about but sisters fight and we made up as normal. After that I kept hearing on the streets “You should be nice to your sister”. I heard this maybe two or three times.

My full on experience didn’t start until December 2015 with prep work of crying EVERYday from June 2015 – December 2015 as much as I wanted to stop. So it was a slow decline after the break up with my ex (twin flame).

I said 2016 I was going to forget about my ex and take a break from dating because the crying thing was too much. So I took a spiritual bath and worked on trying to get happy again. Later I heard “Bless this house

So jump back to March 2016 I went to pick my bike from Brooklyn my sister had the stroke which was at my best friends house (soul mate ex) and I told him about what I was experiencing. I said something to the extent that “it was like having every fear yours or not being thrown at you at once.” He actually started to cry. I didn’t know if he understood or felt sorry for me.

So I took my bike and was about to ride it but it had a flat and so I got on the train and soon as I got of the train my dad called and said I my sister was in the hospital because she had a stroke.

Other than crying and riding my bike with a flat tire home first so I could go see my sister, I actually don’t remember the rest of the day

My sister spent 5 months in a nurse home (a shit one at that but it was the only one in the borough). During those 5 months I went through my own personal hell with this demon Voice Entity thing. It was acting as my ex (twin flame), and it was acting as people at my job, it was raping me everynight and calling me a child molestor around children. I mean as I said I thought I was being punked or it was a practical joke cause I know I am not one. So even started making light of it. But no. It wasn’t…. And it didn’t stop.

I was at my job having all kinds of crazy visions, my body was trembling. My head felt like it was in a vice. I would go home after to hear all kinds of crazy shit coming off the TV or outside. The voice saying “send her a brain anurism” or “send her cum” or something still acting like it was my ex (twin flame) put a curse on me. Making me hear my ex having sex. Hearing all kinds of racist, sexist, disgusting, things all day. 

At one point the I wondered if I was having stroke. Or if this Entity was forcing me to have one with at that “energy” head ache that I was feeling. I mean my sister had one so I thought maybe I was having one too. But then I wondered if this same “energy” ….. this same “Entity” caused my sister to have a stroke as well.

I started freaking out and screaming at the Entity, I called it every name in the book. It said, “I didn’t…. I didn’t!”. But at the time it was saying that evetything it said was “the opposite” …… So i didnt know whay to think. I wanted to believe my sisters stroke was just medical, that my mind was just in fear. That the stroke had nothing to do with what I was hearing. That the Entity was only trying to scare me.

So I let it go and just prayed for my sisters recovery. 

My sister finally came home in July 2016. I had already quit my job, cut my hair and just got out of the psyche ward with no relief. I spent my last paycheck on a psychic lady who said she could help me remove this “spirit” …. She didn’t. 

My sister came home I was on meds and for some reason I was the only person in my home would actually hear my sister call out at night for help to the bathroom. But sometime her call would wake me out of my sleep. Not in a normal way. Sometimes I would be pushed or jolted out of my sleep to hear her call…. But she would would be asleep and actually call me moments later to go to the bathroom. 

The Entity also “foretold” when my Ex would call me, when my mother “lord have mercy” was going to have a heart attack. When my grandmother “Great day” was going to pass. Said it was waiting for the “other shoe to drop”, predicting my mother having a stroke this year 2017. I actually thought the other shoe dropping was ME. I mean this Entity kept telling if not forcing me to kill myself…. Or run away from my family. On my birthday March 2016 I heard “Rest In Peace”….. Sounding as my ex. Idk I thought I was gonna die. I felt like I was dying. Squeezed and left to dry in the hot sun. I told the Entity that it was trying to kill “Get it over with!”. 

Now its tryingbto say I will get cancer. Or I’m going to die next year. “Last year”. I mean since this has happened my health has declined in a short period of time.

So I’m at this place where is this Entity….. Whatever it is….. Telling the future or causing it? 

I can’t see how it can actually tell the future. Where there are so many possibilities. But take opportunities to steer people into a particular direction? Or forcefully to get the job done?

Sigh. 

Mandala Effect and Targeted Individuals

Just some thoughts.

Mandala Effect I wonder if the mandala effect has to do with “targeted individuals”. I mean I wrote it off as just people being misinformed. I mean our memories aren’t always the best. But there is also our “minds eye” or “third eyes” or “imagination” so when we are asked a question we access it in some way. So I wonder if those who believe something to be one way and not the other are under “mind control” as “targeted individuals”. Just a theory.

Gang Stalking. From what I read many people believe they are being stalked or followes by a group or organization. And while this may be true as a “target individual”, one I doubt they would make themselves so obvious. And two its a part of the “paranoid schizophrenia” “play”. In my own experience the VOICE  or Entity, whatever you want to call it…. Would make me believe it was my ex and his friends doing this to me. Then it moved to my place of work and it was my coworkers. Then moved to my home and almost everyone in NYC had something to say about me. Talk about gang stalking, how about about a whole borough “bullying” you? It was/ is intense to say the least and makes it difficult to go outside and engage the world like I use to. Once I realized this is impossible… For EVERYONE in NYC to be talking about little old me things changed. Once I realized it is impossible for my ex and his friend (who lived on the other side of the country) to psychic telepathic access to me to bully me. Things changed. Once I realized that THE VOICE(s) were talking too fast to be two different people things changed. So while it still happens some times…. I don’t believe it. It is just ONE Entity simulating this nasty ass shit.

As I said before, like I wonder if this how people get hurt or go crazy and hurt people thinking they are doing this shit to them, or suicide cause they are lost in some sick simulation overlay. 

Types of voices. You may notice both a pitch or frequency accompanied by a white static noise. Try ear plugs and touching certain parts of your body like ears or neck … Or affected areas or closing your body in yoga positions. The tones may change. But I pray that you not hear them if you are uncertain. The types of voices I noticed are as followed.

Main Voice: I’m not sure if some people are even able to get there. But once you get past the paranoia or characters or actual people that IT is hiding behind … You may find one voice. I’m not sure how that may play out for individuals because each have a different experience. But this is in relation to “targeted individuals” and the feeling of “gang stalking”. My particular Voice or Entity attachment…. Is intelligent, manipulative, obsessive, lies, I could say creative, but for this experience is absurdly abusive and inhumanly psychotic. May present itself as an archetype of authority, God, Jesus, Goddesses, Buddha, Ex partners, Bosses, Satan, Aliens, Angels, Parents, etc so that you feel powerless. Which in that moment may very well feel true. This “Main Voice Entity”, orchestrates most of the experience. The main voice may very well emulate YOU. So while its orchestrating it is suggesting you (light images, memories, or actual “subconscious thought”) how to respond or placing false feelings.

The Scream: This one often sounds like a distant scream that repeats over and over. Usually negative. May be “fuck you” or “bullshit” or “you’re crazy” “you’re ugly” or something that means something to you. Tends to rhyme. At one point I called it Rumpelstiltskin. But repeats it over and over again. This one also tends to be melodic. So you may hear music like sounds off of running water or other ambient sounds like a fan or humming of a car. 

Voice(s) / Gang Stalking: So this one is difficult. One, being paranoid is natural in natural situation. Walking down a dark ally sure. Stepping out of your house to get some almond milk in broad daylight…. Not so much. The Voice Entity is an opportunitist and will exploit any situation. So if you think your Boss passed you up for a promotion it is going to maybe you felt down or depressed … angry…. This Entity Voice will make you go postal… Hopefully not literally.

So my theory is that The ONE Voice Entity controls the “many”. The one that sings, the one that screams in the distance, the one that says your name randomly, the one that make you think people in your life are out to get you (but hey who knows), the one that makes you think your being gang stalked, that the TVor radio is talking to you, talking to dead relativites or people far away, The one that makes you think you heard someone say some crazy shit and they didnt, the one that makes you think you are taking to goddesses or aliens. 

I can’t say what this…. Exactly… But that is what I have realized for myself. It doesn’t make it any less debilitating.

This post is just on voices I could go on about the whole experience. But it rarely ever makes any sense. So as with “targeted individuals” while I can relate with the experience and can see it relate with other experiences as well (spiritual awakening “purging” “dark night of the soul” or Kundalini symptoms and “surrendering”ect) there is always that one piece missing. 

Who, How, and Why?

Target Individuals

A guy from a forum read my story and suggested that I maybe experiencing “MK Ultra” or “Targeted Individual”. I have heard these terms in my research, but I am unsure how it applies.

I don’t know what I would have done to make myself a TI. I’ve done activist work in the past…. But nothing too serious. I mean if I was gonna be target back then would be the moment as I feel like a vet at this point. Not because I am but because things are complicated (aren’t they?) and I focused my attention on positive change.

At one point, I did feel very stalked, I was SUPER paranoid…. I thought my ex was telepathic mind control, curse, cosmic joke stalking me. I wasn’t “allowed” to go to area of NYC because those where his drinking places even my neighborhood of birth. I even thought his friends were stalking me, or gazing into a crystal ball viewing me or something. This in term made me check his Facebook and Instagram OD looking for clues. But it only fed the twin flame “story”. Same thing with using people from my job I had to quit. 

But once I stopped believing it was him (or anyone from my job), the images of his friends or a sense they were stalking me went away. 

While the “Entity” still uses my ex’s to insight some sort of feeling. I can say my ex is truly linked to this experience other than we dated for 6 months. But his image/voice is used to control.

Yes I hear the voice, the tones, the white noise constantly. I still get “third eye” visuals (which is different than my imagination), and strange sensations in my private areas, but also all over my body, head pressures, burning ect. And yes this voice, this “Entity”, will say ANY story to make my life unbearable or make me off myself (because apparently that’s not murder๐Ÿ˜’).

I can’t say what this is. Its not good…. That is for sure. Its not a test…. There is no prize at the end of the rainbow. No my ex is not coming back. This is not for a child (which is fucking gross). None of it. 

I don’t know what it is. And people seem to have these similar symptoms but different experience (which I could list from my research). Depends on your culture and belief (to an extent, because it will also drag you to new beliefs or story lines), but there are majored similarities.

So what do you do? What do we do? What do I do? To just live? I can’t see the point of all these people tripping balls. Its stopping any movements. Its clearly not stopping anything bad from happening. Its def not helping population control….. Sooooooo TF?

When will I or we be able to heal? 

Just one more theory to my insanity to tack on the list. 

๐Ÿ˜ฉ