I can’t believe this is real life. 😳

So like WTF?

How is this real life? Like I know life has ups and downs, but right now I hit a plateau of just going to sleep and waking up to nasty Entity voices saying and doing nasty shit all day.

And like a LOT of people are hearing the exact same nasty shit all day….. how is this real life?!

I just can’t believe this is my life right now.

I’m only staying alive cause I’m petty other wise I’m pretty grossed the fuck out by life at this present moment. All levels.

I’m done trying to understand my abusers on all levels. I can’t wrap my mind around their logic and I need to accept that I never will.

Spiritual, emotional, mental, political abusers!

I can’t rock with it…. I don’t get it…. especially when they don’t stop.

This is how people snap….

But I won’t…. I’m petty. Fuck that shit. I’m too cute for that.

I just never thought in all my life I would be harassed by some disgusting demonic reptilian 2D flat floating astral assholes 24/7 none stop……. and made to seem crazy.

A waste of time and life. Like I don’t even care about these assholes.

I wish the were like sucked into a black hole never to return.

I can barely get fresh air with out being harassed.

I just never thought this could be real.

I will never understand why or who or how or why….. because it’s insane. There is nothing to understand about the insanity. You want to pick out some pretty gems cool, but essentially this shits insane and pointless.

So……… idk.

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Does a Curse make you go to hell? 🔥☃️🔥

If someone or something cursed you or whatever do you automatically go to hell? Like even if you are a decent person?

Like what does it mean to be cursed?

All I see and hear and feel is damn near close to hell. And I have no idea why I would be cursed but there are bad people and beings that do unspeakable things.

But what does that mean ? Are we only cursed in this life or are we then dragged to hell by default because of the things we see and hear?

Idk what this all is. I am not afraid. But I’m kindaaaaaaa over it? I honestly don’t even have the attention span for this schizophrenic demonic reptilian incubus curse.

Dr. Phil: Twin Flames 😳

Sheila says that when the love of her life, Simon, said goodbye, he claimed he was going away for a few days but promised to return with flowers in a limousine.
— Read on www.drphil.com/shows/my-sister-drove-from-canada-to-mexico-searching-for-the-ex-lover-she-claims-sends-her-secret-messages-via-songs-on-the-radio/

======================

I was initiated into this hell hole through the concept Twin Flame.

It was after a break up. It was with a man I lost a lot of confidence with and made me feel really insecure for the first time. So I was an easy target at the time. But these entities were still able to convince me that maybe all these insecurities were because of love and my hang ups and not because he just plain old didn’t like me and we didn’t work out. They even convinced me they were telepathic communication with him and sounded just like him.

Some commonality with her case was the constant obsession but keeping him away. Using music “as a form of communication”, saying there was a “bet” for a large sum of money involved or a large sum of money involved. And that some how death was involved (i.e. Forcing me into suicide for my “twin flame”).

So where does this all come from?

I mean ……….. I’ve heard some things but the actual application of it to my life is another thing. How these Entities applied it to my life were well deadly. Still are.

I mean even though I am over the “twin flame” I STILL to this day have to hear about this man (my ex). To the point where I’m like “can you please leave this man alone?” I’m tired of hearing about him.

But who came up with the twin flame rules? And how do these Entites know how to play? Like the money part?

Maybe twin flames in another dimension are the most amazing love, here they are not. If anything they show signs of if a incubus of demonic hold. No one should be running around in circles like that. I lost a lot since my twin flame experience. And yea I could be all “I’m grateful” but…… I got shit to do and this was not it.

I feel bad she went through this. It’s embarrassing. Now they are going to drug her to make her more presentable. But I still believe there is a spiritual health issue underlying. I just don’t know how to address it permanently.

Just moment to moment. Day to day.

I don’t know if these Entities go away permanently. Although I would like to think so.

I know myself just as I am writing to you honestly. But these Entities are another bag of beans.

It’s sad but I’m trying to keep faith that through fierce honesty and communication and compassion we can start to heal.

Black Obsidian: Root Chakra

So last night that insane “root chakra” vibrating rumble, burning, pin prick almost feels like my core is being yanked out…yea that feeling happened and so I put this obsidian on my vagina (non sexual yall, sorry its the demons fault I even think like that now).

Uhm it didn’t stop the vibration because then it just intensified… But it seems like it diverted it for a little while from directly with my cells. 

The virbatiin happens from the thighs all the way to the vagina area…. Sometimes a little further up into the actual reproductive system…. Sometimes feel like and empty yanking….. You know when your stomach growls… It feels like that but then a yanking sensation.

I know its one of those portal archon disks that’s doing this to me. They can get big or small…. Right small enough to be on the clit area and super annoying or large enought to include my thighs. I put my hand down there and usually it stop it but this time it was  so strong I could feel the buzz with my hand. 

I have used my thighs to squeeze it out more times then I have the energy for. Some say its “kundalini”. But can you actually push kundalini out if its naturally part of your spiritual body? 

Also there is no progressions to it. Kundalini I thought was suppose to progress in come way. 

I have had “kundalini” like sensation go up my back, very similar to to the root chakra…. But that always feel like a leaving sensation. 

It doesn’t make me feel good. I don’t like it I have no idea what’s going on….. Or why or the point of it all.

I just feel violated. I’ve never violated anyone. Ok maybe tickling my sister.

Either way the crystal didn’t help. Yes I cleaned them. Everyone keeps telling me to use crystals and so far they are only beautiful objects. A security blanket in the freezing winter.

——-+

UPDATE Google Doc SearchDoctor diagnosed Vibrating Vagina. I finally got the nerve to ask my doctor about the vibrating/humming sensation in my vagina. … He said the sensation is due to blood flow. The blood flow can cause turbulence which results in the vibratingfeeling.

———

I mean blood flows….  But in that way there is a stimuli like when you are with a lover…. Or there is a threat to the body. So just blood flow is not a good enough answer for me. But it is ONE biological answer. When I would squeeze my thighs until I heard a crunch I would see the fast clear circle shoot out from legs. 

Sometimes I wonder if I’m fucking myself up more than these aliens are just trying to figure out what’s happening to my body and why I don’t feel connected to it. 

Idk. I hate this. 

Photo of what I usually see

Like this is the most obvious photo I have taken. I would zoom in or not have it on a white background or in bright lights so your eyes can adjust. Im trying to look at it now in my bathroom lights and all I see it a black photo. 

If I’m totally bugging let me know. 

The photos of what I drew are here. I have seeming them for 6+ months. I think one or more contribute to the schizophrenia. 



TV on the Radio: Opposite World. 📺 “Stranger Things”

I have spoken about opposite world for a while now. It was a big part of the “delusion” I was dragged into. You can prolly search my blog and find a few posts. 

The more I went into occult groups on facebook trying to understand what was happening to me, was it a spell, voodoo, abilities, was abucted, a puppet, possessed by body snatchers, the more i was met with all these occultist would keep talking about the balance of dark and light. That “as above so below“. Honestly they are the only ones that speak about this, so I doubt they are getting raped and molested by demons so its easy for them to talk about “balancing the darkness”, because its only relatative to the illusionary power or “knowledge” they think they have. Or that anyone that wasn’t aware of the dark…. Or generally happy was a “spiritual bypasser”. 

It took me a while to watch second season of “Stranger Things”, to be honest mainly because it had kids in it and I really didn’t have the stamina to be raped or molested by this Archon Reptilian Entity while it said sick things and then called ME a child molestor. Because this demon wants me to “Die of Molestation”. 

My fear was then sparked again Eleven was named the sexiest woman by W Magazine and I and most of my friends where like WTF, she’s 13years old! And then Mara Wilson who played Matilda back in the day wrote an article for Elle Magazine talking about all the letters from pedophiles she received when she was a little girl and how they would make sick videos with her face imposed on it and it fucked her up. 

So with all that, and knowing how disgusting these Archon Reptilians are, I opted out watching this season. I knew after reading that article about her being named sexy the Archon’s would target her in my psyche. And I wouldn’t get to actually enjoy the show. Its an awesome show anf i love Winoa Ryder, shes kinda my spirit animal right now. It’s not hypersexualized like say “Girls” or “Game of Thrones” which I just couldn’t get through. My ex (twin flame) wanted me to watch Game of Thrones and even before all this happened I didn’t want to watch the rape scene and ended up covering my eyes with his arms until it was over. Its was too much. 

Either way thanks W Magainze for sensationalizing and sexualizing children and one of the few shows out there that’s actually not. 

ANYWAY. 

I mean things have dialed down to about 25% which is still too much for me, and at times they flare up and I can’t put my finger on the reason why…. I observe and catch trends quickly. Maybe there isn’t an actual reason. Just random. Not based on me or what I do. Even though I’ve tried everything to keep it at a minimum. 

So things are at 25% give or take the day. I KNOW for a fact I am not a child molestor and would never be in any lifetime, realm or plane. And I’ve watched “Once Upon a Time” all 6/7 seasons 3 times in row at least and Zootopia 2 times a day for a year….. So its time for a change. 

I’m not a TV person actually. I love music, but TV (and writing) engages my mind a bit more to take my mind away from these demons. Listening to music is intimate for me. Before I would go to my special place and make dances that melded into painting turning into a music video. I did the mostly on my commute to or from work. Open my eyes and I was in a train car of 100 people in a city of 8 million. Close my eyes and I was alone in my mind painting beautiful songs in my cave. 

What happens when you have unwelcomed guests in your cave? That won’t leave. Scribbling their song of fear. Perversion ……. And hatred over my personal graffiti. 

So fuck it, it doesn’t matter either way. I know myself enough and want to watch something different. I am currently on episode 3 season 2 when I was triggered to write this. 

One of the characters talked about being in “upside down” world where he is able to see these dark entities and reptile things that don’t like light or heat. Being stuck between dimensions. 

In many ways it feels like this “opposite world” where I see these Archon circles, Reptilians, Geckos, Trolls, Ghosts banshees, portals, False light floating symbols, that can not with stand the Sun or joy or love. So in a way I become a vampire always in the dark, because these energy vampires keep me weak enough to not go outside but alive enough to feed off and play with me. 

I know its not real real. … Like “Stranger Things” is not a documentary. But certain shows or songs, words always find there way to me AFTER I’ve experience certain things and I’m like “OMG you guys its a synchronicity! ” but thats the lure of the dark, and false light always keep you guessing, mysteriousness so you always stay in the trap of trying to figure things out because YOU think there is some gift….. A pot of goal at the end of that dark evil rainbow. Either way I want out. 

Maybe “Stranger Things” is taking from what some of us are really experiencing and turning it into entertainment. Like those scientists represent CERN, which I have not read up on but my friends, who experience the same I, believe that CERN did something to our world that made us vulnerable and more tangible to dark forces. Like they “lifted the veil”, only we want shit put back down. And ELeven (from stranger things) and the other kid is Us who can feel or sense what is happening to us or the other side. Its strange cause other people are having astral sex and atral projecting to Saturn. .. And past life regressing and channeling and having a grand old time and I’m like “the fuck are y’all doing?”. Even when I would read about people doing this I was like “nah I’m good”. There was no lure for me at most I wanted to do shrooms and maybe tripp and see like smurfs or something, but again that would have been from MY own mind. Not whatever disgusting hive mind from the 4th dimension that uses radio, WiFi, emf waves to penetrate our cells and move around or communicate or take over our bodies. The ones that are stalking me prefer ambient (none focused on sound) TV as it seems easier to associate words with their agenda then from my mind. 

So that’s my “Stranger Things” experience, only I’m kinda living it and it sucks. 

 https://youtu.be/j1-xRk6llh4

Princess. 👸

So I was scrolling through Facebook and Bored Panda had the cutest clip about this Dad who Makes Transforming Dresses

I’m into fashion believe it or not. I use to sew crazy performance outfits for my friends who were in the Vogue Ballroom scene. So this dress had what would be called an “effect” ….  Just that little extra bit of wow or drama. 

Either way I’m watching this clip in aww my mouth dropped from the creativity. And I knew any girl or femme would love to have something like that its like you turn into an instant princess. 

BUT OF COURSE THE ENTITY COMES IN and starts saying I’m watching child porn. And I’m like HUH? 

And so I just started crying…. Because I realized I may never think the way I use to ever again. Just…. normal. I have this curse…. This entity……. This inserted thought constantly talking about child abuse in a gross manner. It doesn’t matter what the topic is…. It could furniture….. Or tree. This entity will find a way to pedo that topic to torment my life. And I’m over it. 

I’m sorry I just started crying…. And I write when I cry. I’m tired of being molested and burned and constantly having to think about this topic. I’ve really tried to ignore it…. But then I bust out crying and I can’t help it it upsets me and I know they love it….. its there juice. 

Maybe I should have been heartless…. I wish I had a different fear….. A different thing that upsets me so much…. Idk…. Maybe Protecting the Rainforest or something…..

Just sucks looking at something innocently and then having it turned into something disgusting as soon as you smile. 

Whatever. 😭

Petty Post: Bashee

So I legit have this Banshee looking ghost thing following me its in some of my photos and on my skin. Its in the photo of my arm in the background and in the drawing in a previous post.

Anyway so i decided to google Banshee just to see if they really look like that.

And then when I googled the first thing that popped up was Banshee Pub.

I jokingly said to myself i should go there.

Then I took a look inside and realize was the first time of 3 of the last times I would see my ex (twin flame). I cried for the first time in front of him there. We split the bill on a few drinks. I went home, he walked away. I never felt understood or like i could understand with him. LOL I needed my best friend to constantly decipher messages so i didnt get worked up about “wtf does that even mean?”

But whatever.

I have a the ghost of a banshee moving around on my body and fucking up my life. And Bashee Pub just happened to be one of the places I died.

UPDATE: So the Banshee showed up on my upper arm again. And I was in the bathroom and had my arm on the sink when I noticed it. And so I said, “Hi, thanks for ruining my life.” And the Banshee legit changed faces looking down like “my bad”. 

So if children scribbles drawings of banshees are welting up on my arm and showing fake remorse for ruining my life, I need Jesus and the best medicine I can get my hands on cause this shit is CRAY! 

Sun Lamp 🌞

I’m legit thinking about limiting my electronic time and getting a sun lamp until its warm enough to go outside. 

I’m not depressed other that the fact I have endure the pain of this situation. And I already take vitamin D. My mood is only because of this experience other wise I’m pretty happy go lucky. 

saw some affordable ones so I might just ask for one as an early Xmas gift.

My friend who has also experienced this and has confirmed some things for me told me to look into making a DIY Earthing Grounding mat. I was so use to farming barefoot at my old job when I had the chance or being on the beach. Now I guess the best I can do is fake sunlight and fake earthing until I am able to purge these nasty entities.

The prayers I have been doing seem to only make me be attacked harder.

I know we are suppose to be on Gods side but…… The prayer is for protection from these things and to forgive them. But it doesn’t seem to be working soon after I feel sucked dry as if I’m about to die. 

So idk. The Tai Chi by Eric Pilgrem seems decent. But they just come back.

I look forward to having my feet in the sand on a beautiful long island beach soon as I can.