Spiritual Abuse πŸ”ͺπŸ”«πŸ’£

There is no reason to be spiritually attacked there is no excuse. That’s like a rapist saying she asked for it because wore a short skirt. Fuck THAT!

Victims of spiritual/astral abuse will blame themselves. They will say, “I deserve this because I lied when I was 12 years old” or something just as ridiculous. We seek peace and that’s the easiest route than grabbing at air. But we seek NOW. Dwelling on the pasts on shortens our time in becoming the person we wish to be the best versions of ourselves. 

Our capitalist system says “you are not enough!” , so by this product and subscribe to this lifestyle. Spirituality /religion says you are not enough, you didn’t pray enough, you did something bad, some past life bullshit generational curse, that you didn’t meditate enough, that you didn’t eat organic enough. In relationships, we feel like we aren’t pretty enough, or doing enough or have enough money or enough love or trust. 

So it is NO WONDER these astral parasites …. Spiritual abusers go on to say YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH. You’re ugly, fat, skinny, stupid, crazy, no body likes you, you have no friends, kill yourself, no money, you are not good at what you do, you don’t know what you are doing, you need our guidance, unlovable, unworthy, you’re an addict, you will never understand, you don’t have knowledge. 

You will never be enough, when you are! 

I am a complete being. I have my own “dark” and own “light”. I grow as needed. Forced “darkness” or this bullshit “dark nigbt of the soul”, is abused pushed by astral parasites. Saying it’s because you did this or that, that YOU weren’t enough is excusing this program and act of spiritual violence. Finding peace and “learning from” the abuse is the gift we give ourselves to cope and to heal. We weave stories of some past life karma, a curse, blame ourselves. “This happened to me because…………….” 

Outside of that we are excusing unseen and intangible abuse. By subscribing to this idea that pain is our greatest teacher, is superficial and more than likely you never been in a full blown psychic attack.
You are saying our current system, all system are fine as is and should operate and function with no change.

This whole you “change your reality” is bullshit. You know how hard I’ve fought?!? All this law of attraction, most people want car, money love. I want the change, justice, peace, safety for all people! 

NOTE: The demon suggested pain and my smoking cigs (cause you devils advocate). Now do I know smoking is bad? Yes. Do I wish to change that? YES. Do I think I should be raped everyday by some demon for going on two years? NO.
Whatever. But I’m the crazy one.

Fuck this demon! 

Advertisements

Crazy Talk: Jelly Monster πŸ‘»πŸ’”

So I can see the effects of the demon, I can feel them, hear them, but I can’t see the actual demon that’s conducting it. 

I believe that many healer are able to remove the effects but not the actual entity. Maybe some can. But none of the ones I went to. 

So, I see this jelly monster (looks like a clear slimmer) that moves around me. I state previously in my blog that, I don’t think this is the entity but the “energy” it sends kinda like and extension of sorts it copies. Its not easy to see but I see it. I think its the same “energy” that screams repeatedly, mimics other peoples voices and music, repeats what I say, the gives me tremors and that can copy cat emotions like anxienty or headache, intense tension, feeling ill, being high. Prolly other things too like images/vision. Almost like AI intelligence toy, but its not the main and I feel like its being controlled. 

Today I was wondering HOW did the entity pull off things like knowing when my ex (false/ twin flame) was going to call, or what song he was going to send me, when the cat took my chair and I wasn’t in the room. And a few other “prediction” or plain old’ nosiness. 

Either way. My assumption is that this jelly monster was being nosey with my ex or attached to my ex. Something maybe like that. And that’s how it copied his voice and knew info. Some people call it “attachment cords” this one looks like a clear jelly vibrating blob thing that moves around at medium speed in and out of vision some times sparkles if its close by like on my head. But then I’m like how the fuck did the jelly monster get to the edge of Brooklyn? Like it legit floated 20 miles?

πŸ’©πŸ‡πŸŠπŸš†πŸš„πŸš…β“‚πŸšˆπŸš•πŸš˜πŸšœπŸš βœˆβ›΅πŸš€πŸšβ‰

I hope my ex wasn’t harmed in any way. In the beginning I did so many “cord cutting meditations” because I just wanted whatever this was gone. I blamed my ex, i did. But I kept away from him so this demon wouldn’t make another game out of it. I’m pretty sure he is OK and doing fine. But if he went through a fraction what I went/ going through….. I am so sorry, even though none of this was my fault. I never sent ANYTHING to him in any way. Only trying to get through my own heart ache to move on.

Either way. That’s my theory of the jelly monster I have been seeing floating around the house or stuck in the bathroom. 

Crazy shit right? πŸ™

God……….  Why did I have to get the crazy one? 

I feel like I need a blunt and I don’t even like smoking. 🌴

“Holding Space” for Satan. πŸ‘ΊπŸ˜ž

So I legit feel like I am holding space a demon, or Satan, or like something alien.

Like I’m just watching this demon freak out. If the shoe fits…… That aint my fault.

I mean this thing has tried to act like my grandpa, deities, god, my ex, my favorite author Zora Neale Hurston, list can go on. But the main consistent thing is that is malicious. So seems like a demon to me.

I feel like I am holding space for a demon to act out daddy issues (God) on me. Like why I gotta be tortured to no end?

This demon keeps calling ME a loser, I’m like dude you already lossed cause you act this way. I’m just forced to sit here against my own will and watch you bugg the fuck out for really no reason.

I look like I’m bugging out to everyone else cause I have to listen, feel and see some demon freaking out over which soap I use…. Calling it “pedophile soap”.

These demons need a xanax and chill the fuck out. There is no changing this demon. I’ve accepted that. There is no amount of love or lite that will change it. Why i have tried it turns it into rape. Even if it did that will probably be a lie to manipulate me.

So Im forced to watch this thing freak out until it leaves or the meds turn off that part of my brain it has access to.

Shit is so annoying. 😩

You Are Welcome πŸ™

I was practicing a Chi breathing technique on YouTube that a friend sent to me.

I noticed some blocks and add ons but whatever I always notice.

Either way, it talked about creating chi and then bringing it back into the body.

I rememered a moment when this all first started happening and my chest extending out past my shoulders felt like I was opened up. That’s when I first started to feel like I was dying.

I didn’t feel much in my center now, just this tender heart. I figured the entity took all my chi, that’s why all I can do right now is sleep, eat cookies and cry about the world.

The guy talking in the video said that we are “the most powerful free energy devices on the planet”.

So I immediately told the Entity, “you are welcome….” And I meant it. I wasn’t being sarcastic as usual. It was a gift.

I figured that I gave (well it took) my energy to this Entity. I just don’t know how to reve my chi back up yet……

…… Wonder if instead of scaring the shit out of me, disrespecting me, violating, if other entity beings whatever where to be upfront? Maybe we could live peacefully. 

Entity would be like, “Yo I really need this chi, I will make it quick.”

They won’t and… Maybe can’t tell me who or what they are. Maybe I’m too peace loving and just feel like if we just put the truth out there it would easier for all of us and work something out. 

Who knows, maybe I would be like “sure homie, you can have some of this chi love!” And i would just go wipe some more up later.

I can give with out receiving. But I don’t know I just need a bit of honesty.

Who knows maybe chi doesn’t even exists. Maybe I am pulling this out of my ass. Maybe they don’t need all this brain electric goodness or this golden chi.

All I know is, there has to be a better way.

πŸŒΏπŸŒΉπŸ‘€πŸ‘½πŸ™βœŒπŸŒΉπŸŒΏ

Crazy Talks: What I See πŸ‘€

Just jotting down some notes.

I don’t see this on anyone else but myself.

There are two very distinct things I see other than the visions. I see the these circle dots that can divide into multipuls. And I see this vibrating heat wave looking thing that moves in and out of me. Think like a clear slimmer from ghost busters. 

So I was commenting on a post to a lady that says she can remove implants and the slimmer thing shot out of my stomach and my stomach/ back area vibrated trembled and I could see it moving around outside of me. 

Noe occasionally I during the day will get headaches or I will feel the pressure on my head and I will hear almost like a distant train tremble vibration. I think this vibrating clear thing is the pressure I feel on my head, the anxiety, its like its the ….. Emotion and sensation maker. I don’t know if it is a separate entity or controlled. My guess it is controlled. 

Now the circle dot thing seems to be the visions/ dreams/ hallucinations/ Logo maker. But I’m not sure to what extent it morphs and uses light. If I pinch the corners of my eyes I see a circle of light in each corner. Not sure if this is bad or good. But I’m sure it plays its part. I have literally seen visions (waking dreams) fade away into almost a logo (a simple none color emoji vision), I have also seems dreams fade as well. 

So I see this dot thing that was never there before as the cause of the visions. And this energy slimmer thing as the cause of the sensations I feel. 
After it jumped out of my stomach it went for GUESS WHERE you guys??!?? My VAGINA! Of course! My vagina! I felt it go there after it shot out.

I’m really over this Scooby doo mystery. Seriously. 

b o r e d πŸ˜©

I’m bored and tired at the same time. 

Be honest I’m so tired of my attention being drawn to my vagina because its being buzz, zapped, burned, whatever or sometimes its just attention is drawn there by the Entity. 

Even if I’m just playing an app game, I’m trying to keep my mind off of things and then the Entity will flash an image of my ex and basically molest me to make it seem like I’m turned on by him or something. 

I’m just tired, and disgusted and bored.

Shit is so old. I busted out in tears right now cause I’m tired of this nasty feeling….. And I’m sexually liberal! Its gross its violating. I know my feelings and this ain’t it. 

I’m so tired of crying…. I just wish I had comfort, someone who cared, wasn’t schedule sex….. That I could trust wouldn’t trigger the fuck out of me for fun. Take my mind off of this, do something fun together.

I’m tired of these asshole demons molesting me and then turning around and having the audacity to call me a fucking child molester. Like fuck this shit. 

I Deserve This

Its Demon/ Shadow Entity whatever. Pretty simple …. There is no going back from this. There is no SURPRISE I was your angel spirit guide all along pushing you to what? Quit your job, ruin ever relationship, gain 100lb and sleep all day. There really is no coming back from this on any level. 

There is no prize, The demon tried to encourage me to keep going through the experience because in the end I would get my ex back or, be a better person, or some magical awakening ability. No there is no light at the end of this tunnel. You don’t get a prize for enduring pointless visions of child abuse or feeling like your brain is being sucked through a straw. There is no “upgrade” as we are designed as we should be. And I’m pretty sure any evolutionary changes would be extremely slow or generational. 

I deserve this, I clearly have done something to deserve this. Whether it was being disrespectful to my parents when I was young, being gay (who knows), having to to do sex work to survive, doing a few drugs, I might have borrowed/ stolen a couple things in my life. And while I try for the majority my hardest to be honest, I’ve definitely told some lies in my life. 

There is something I did to deserve this. Known or unknown. Do I feel like the punishment fits the crime, whatever it is….. No. But clearly that doesn’t matter. I did something or a couple of things that warrants demons being unleashed on me…. What they do from there… I guess is up to them and its not about being fair. Or balanced, or even learning a lesson at this point. I can’t even find the lesson in all of this because its just too much torture and confusion. Getting a lesson is for our own sake. It is our way of making peace. There is no prize, no lesson. 

This doesn’t excuse or make up for anything I have done. Enduring this doesn’t excuse what I have done in the past to deserve or contract this. This doesn’t wipe the slate clean. This doesnt purify. There is no lesson. Just abuse. 

There is no new age path, story or fantasy that applies. There is no cure. 

Even if my prayers and wishes came true and this Demon(s) *poof* magically went away, there is always the chance that it will come back and either try to ruin my life or make it even worse when I am down. There is no guarantee that this Demon will never come back and be gone forever.

No one will ever love me with this demon around. 

So it doesn’t matter. Nothing I do matters. 
Broken.

This Entity Experience

This experience is/was such a waste of my time, life, money and relationships.

Like this mutha fuka comes stepping in and because I didn’t know any better I lost 2+ years of my life I worked so hard for.

Coming out of being a homeless youth…. Trying build a career and pay my bills…. Trying to do what’s right….. All to end up 100lb heavier, laying in my parents house with some disgusting demonic Entity that won’t shut the fuck up.

Shit is so fucked up.

Like how much love and light is one suppose to cultivate while you are being shown visions of child abuse? 

I was all sunshine before this shit popped up out of nowhere.

So fucked up. Its like it doesn’t even matter how much you try. How good you try to treat people or improve yourself.

Some Entity fucker is gonna come in and wreck your shit for eternal shits and giggles.

As much as I try to have patience …. I’m loosing it. And its making me even more upset when I read about other folks being spiritually attacked. And even MORE upset with everyone running around trying to make money off of something that they barely understand. Least not enough to get rid of mine.

So over this bullshit. I’m tired of this Entities voice, I’m tired of its games, I’m tired of its sick twisted thoughts, I’m tired of it physically abusing me (black outs, energetic rape), I’m tired of its opinions, I’m tired of its visions, I’m tired of people who don’t know what the fick they are talking about, I’m tired.

I’m tired of fucking sleeping and not seeing the light of day.

Its bullshit. Its all fucking bullshit.

Shit needs to go back where ever the fuck it came from. 

The Fat Chick

My ex (“twin flame”) false one I guess. But the the Entity that is here ran with the title and play. 

Over our short 6 month interaction things got confusing for me. I had never felt so insecure in my life. I questioned it. I tried with all of my might to keep a clear head. But I never that strongly about anything. I had heard that guys test you….. But still. 

I guess the first time is when he went on about how he would try to talk to models at events and that they didn’t want to talk to him. And he model friends. I didn’t sit with me right.

The next was when he avoided hanging out with me for Valentines day…. Or even texting for that matter. And when had texted everyday all day before that. I got upset and finally stopped waiting and called him and he said he was at a bar drinking with a friend. It just seemed odd. So the growing insecurity raised. It was like a month or two and so I dumped him and went out on two date to get the attention that seemed so impossible for him that day. 

Soon after I missed him. I didn’t know why. I had made him a really awesome low key gift with a nice jar filled with honey from the farm I worked at since he only drank tea. I thought about him. And maybe I thought I over reacted about a holiday. So I contacted him to make a mends.

While I was in the bathroom I heard loud and clear, “you’re jot going to tell him about the rasta?”. No. Lol. But I didn’t know who said it or why. I just sat there on the toilet like WTF. I later became acquainted with the Entity as seen in this blog. 

It was a bunch of little things here and there piling up in very short periods of time. Like when I checked his Facebook and saw one of his friends refer and ask if it was “tinder?” Girl referring to me under a video of a girl loosing her mind on the train (I hadn’t lost it by then). Then his friends would make fun of fat people on his page. But then he told me father was a “fat shamer”. 

In the middle of us see each other he had missed my birthday. And then I had seen this app called happn advertised on Facebook and looked to see what it was and there was a review he made for it a few days after my birthday. I told him. I made a pack to keep my cool ever since the valentine situation. He then asked “well why were you looking at it” and then changed his settings. So I could not see his Google reviews. I wasn’t even looking, Hus a the first to pop up since we were friends on hang outs. 

Then I remember him saying he would bring me to a game or gym. But then he got wierded out and said it was a “sanctuary” for him only to find out later that his ex girlfriend went there too. 

I felt like all we did was have sex and I wasn’t use to that. He tried to take me to a few bars didn’t seem too excited about it. More obligational to prove something that he “wasn’t afraid to be seen with me in public”. But even then i saw him checking out girls in the bar which was awkward and his mood would change. I understood he had a night job and gym and stuff which was important. But I still could not shake it.

On my ex’s birthday the Entity kept trying to convince me to tell him I loved him but it wasn’t time. The Entity went so as far as to to whisper it sounding like my ex was trying to tell me through a whisper or “telepathically”. 

And that’s where I really fucked up.

I believed it. 

It was like all my years of building self confidence went down the drain.

I was super confused and I needed to focus on my job for a couple of weeks and asked him for a break at which point he said we might as well break up. So I diligently accomplished my goals at work. Forced myself not to speak to him for two weeks to detox and hoped to come back with a clear mind. It wasn’t easy. I even told my friend so I would keep myself busy. Once everything at my job was set, I finally contacted him but he waited days before contacting me back and it was right before I was going on a date.

The date was cool. We made out. But I contacted my ex after only to find that he had moved on. 

I didn’t understand why I was feeling like this. It was gross. I gave myself a few months to just feel the feels. But I was obsessed with trying to find out why I felt drawn to someone who treated me like eh just aight.

I contacted him again. We hung out. I had hoped we would work things out and build honesty but everything went south.

I just kept asking myself, “why do I feel like this?” Over and over. I did a forget him spell on myself (didn’t work). Nothing worked. Therapy, throughing myself into my job, dating, fucking, working out. Nothing.

I saw that he had a a few memes on his face book making fun of fat women. Even one where he wrote “first rule of squad is always to accept a challenge” meaning date a fat girl. I saw that he was in a pretty sad group called “I heart chubbies”, and recently guessed that one of his friends put him in that group as a joke. 

It wasn’t until 2016 when things got wild. The Entity posses itself as telepathy between my ex and I foretelling a doing he would send me and the few times he would call. I just wanted to be over him. But the “storyline” this Entity drew up was captivating. The “twin flame” story line that I had to give it all up for my ex… To win him back…… Even my life.

That’s where things took a sharp nose dive into hell.

I guess I got my answer.

This man….. made me insecure enough, vulnerable enough for this Entity to hide behind and try and take not only my lively hood …. But my life. 

I try not to blame my ex too much. I have my own part in being naive on soooooo many fucking levels. I never would have guessed it could be this bad, just from dating a guy or that demons really actually do exist.

And now my ex is prolly chillin fucking the next chick while I’m sitting here being raped every night by some demon.

Shit sucks. 

Ex – Factor

Can you imagine being forced to think about your ex or someone 1,000 a day? 

Hundreds?

Repeating a 6 month relationship over and over for TWO years …… Every day all day 1,000 times a day? 😩

Like I don’t even wish him ill. I just want my own healing. Stepping into heterosexual dating world was a crash course and a bit traumatizing cause I was usually friends with guys and this was nothing like that.

Either way I’m tired of everything….. Things that are random and have nothing to do with my ex (“twin flame”) being drawn back to my him for no reason by this Entity. 

I feel like I am almost back at the beginning when I first questioned “why am I obsessed with him?!?”.

And I just want to heal. A moment of peace. I want this Entity gone.

Like why am I being forced to think about a man all day every day that doesn’t care or think about me two years later?

I’m sick to my stomach of this.

I know I will never hear from him again, I know we will never be together. I dont even know if i want to be with him. It wasnt the best, it wasnt the worse all i know is this Entity interfered to break us up and started acting like telepathic communication him once we broke up. And raped me….. Acting as him. So my ex will remind me of this painful experience with this demon. And this demon won’t let me forget him. A part of me wonders if he went through something similar. But I don’t know if that translates into wanting to have a partnership with him. I personally need to be with someone I can feel got my back and I got theirs. 

So WHY do I get this?!?!

I’m just over it.