Healers can’t seem to find the voice

I’ve been to so many light workers and healers and they can clear attachments (which are non conscious entities) but they can’t seem to remove this voice. The Entity that put them there.

I don’t know why.

The house is plagued with non conscious entities. But this one Entity that won’t shut up and says and does gross things like rape me…… they can’t seem to see or remove.

Why?

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Demonology: Which Demon I think may be bothering me

Asmodai (also Ashmodai, Asmodeus, Asmody, Asmoday) appears as the king ‘Asmoday’ in the Ars Goetia, where he is said to have a seal in gold and is listed as number thirty-two according to respective rank.[4] He “is strong, powerful and appears with three heads; the first is like a bull, the second like a man, and the third like a ram; the tail of a serpent, and from his mouth issue flames of fire.”[4] Also, he sits upon an infernal dragon, holds a lance with a banner and, amongst the Legions of Amaymon, Asmoday governs seventy two legions of inferior spirits.[4]

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According to Wiki link on Solomon’s demons this particular one above seems the closest to what I have seen. It is a lesser demon not a “king” and is in charge of spirits which would explain why I have seen so many of them. I called them centipedes but it could be a serpent tail and they have little arms.

Also the demon wanted to take on the person of my ex which his name is Ash and this one, one of its names is Ash-modai which by their twisted logic prolly makes sense to act as someone’s name closest to its name.

Idk man. Shit is bugged out. I’ve seen part of Satan’s kingdom. Is heaven only reserved for the dead? Cause he’ll sure isn’t it seems.

I’ve been calling Earth Pedo Planet cause that what it feels like at this point, with the fact that almost everyone I know has been molested as a child, that along with this demon doing this pedo molestation shit on me I’m kind over this place. I’m holding on trying not to commit suicide cause I know that is what they want but it just SUCKS!

Life is a gift! Yuh right! Life is a JOB!

Can you be pimped in the astral plane?

I mean is that even a thing?

This is the second time (or period of time) this nasty ass evil ass piece of shit demon alien THING tried to pimp me on the astra to some heavy ass beast energy. Like i dont even know what they are doing exactly cause i can only hear and see in part.

But i know there was some talks of money. They got currency in the astral? And then some SUPER heavy energy layed on top of me as much as i fought and said no and cussed them out. And then the heavy entity sighed relief after being connected to me or something. (And the wierd cats visions) …… And im just over here trying to figure out what is happening to me.

Like are they just playing with me?

Is my energy or body really being pimped out by some asshole demon for astral currancy?

I mean can you even do that? Is it even like legal in the grand laws?

It sounds ridiculous right? And yet my friend said his twin flame in italy something similar was happening to her. But their story was all over the place.

I’m just by my lonesome trying to figure this out.

I just dont see how this is possible or legal or like not stopable at this point.

I just wanted to make this note in case anyone else was dealing with this in any shape or form.

I never tried to play in the astral/ dimension or anything like that……it just happened. But from what i read most are suppose to leave you alone …. Thats what im not understanding. Is why they wont leave me alone.

Sex and Suffering πŸ’”

After my break up with my ex (false twin flame) in the summer of 2015. I tried dating to get over him maybe 6 months later. But every date I went on ended up turning into sex even though i didnt want it to. And i didnt know how to say no.

In my head….. We would talk all night, maybe make out, eat some good food. But it would quickly become sexual and i would blame myself for being there in the first place and i didnt want to be disliked or for the situation to turn ugly like it has the other times i had said no (rape). Being a people pleaser sucks some times. I did this about 3 or 4 times thinking each time would different. But it wasnt.

I felt like things were spiraling out of control. I mean i had this break up with my ex, i had this energy of obsessesion which i didnt feel connected to and it was driving me crazy cause it was like being split in two. I didn’t want to feel this feeling of obsession that i never felt before. I wanted it to stop. So i did what i would normal do. Move on. But i kept being met with the dudes that just wanted to hook up and i didnt know how to navigate.

In December of 2015 i hung out with with MMA fighter dude, he seemed cool. But i did hear a voice say “SHE SUCKING KARMAS DICK NOW!” as MMA guy walked into the other room (so i didnt see him say it). I thought he was talking about an ex or something. But i didnt make a big deal out of it. So on New Years 2016 he asked me to hang out but i realized this once i met him this was after he had already hung out with his friends and got lit. And that was a bit of a turn off. We made out and he asked me to call him “pappi”which im not latinx and not my thing and then wanted me to go down on him, which i did hestitantly and he knew i wasnt into because he said why was i looking at him like that. It was because i was disappointed.

I will also be honest and i am ashamed to say that i thought in hindsight that engaging in sex would prolong my stay after traveled all the way out to see this person and after he said he was tired, i knew that was my que to leave. So i realized it was the voices that said “shes sucming Karmas dick now!” But they dont always make sense but then they do in a strange fucked up way.

After that day i was over it. I was tired of being used….. I wasnt getting what ibwant which was a solid relationship with someone who respected, cared and loved me. And so i made a choice to be celibate.

Then my world started to crumble.

The voices became more predominant. My dad had a really scary heart surgery, my gay uncle died out of no where, my twin sister had a stroke. It was woa. And the voices were pretending to be telepathy with my ex (false twin flame). And i was loosing it all. Complete reality melt down.

Then the voices kept saying “wait for A(ex)” (relationship/sex) and another would say “for the rest of you life!”. They would make it seem likecwe were going to get back sometime and othertime like we would never get back together.

The voices would ask “would say dont ask for anything!” And i thought this was telepathy with my ex. But then a female voice came in a bunch of time and asked ” what do you want? A house, a car, money?” After saying “nothing” hundreds of times i said a house, because my dumb ass thought that my ex and i family could live together in a nice big house. But mainly i wanted to stopped being asked this question over and over again. And a male voice said “who would want a house in this economy?!”. A female voice said “don’t you mean you want A(ex) ?!”. I thought i had answered the question wrong. I thought it was suppose to be him and not something material. Idk. So i said FINE my ex!

Thats when everything went down hill. The voices acted as my ex and his roommate or best friend (female voice) interchangeably. “My ex” (the demon voices) would force me to have orgasms randomly through the day. His friends harrassed me, tortured me in ways i didnt know was possible. Screamed all day. Cursed at me. Called me all sorts of names. Burning my vagina, giving me migraines that felt like brain aneurysms, at night my body would feel like it was floating, i mean i could go on and on and onhow i was torture. They would say he was with some one new and prettier than me. And I just could not understand why he was toying with me and doing the orgasms and sex stuff. It felt wrong. So i asked to stop and they wouldnt.

It wasn’t until i denounced the twin flame did things started to get even worse. The visions went from harassing to abusive. Andcshowing images of child sexual abuse. Even my ex abusing children from my job. I mean it was BAD. Lime really fucking bad. To the point i has to quit my job. And they were calling me a “child molester” and saying i was now suffering “in the place of my father” (who was wrongfully accused of molesting me). All the while they were raping me. After i quit my job i said well now im now i cant be a child molester cause there are children to molest (being facetious). Boy was that a bad idea. Then they kept showing me sick images and i called them pedos and then they started calling me a pedo! πŸ˜“ fucking hate my entire life. Seriously.

So after about 9 months of celibacy and tripping balls, loosing everything, being psychically attackedin ways i didnt even know was possible. I decided needed an adult sexual relationship cause i was really getting sick of the pedo shit and it was scaring me.

In October of 2016 started dating this one guy out in jersey. I told him inwas in a fragile state because i had a mental break down. I still didnt understand it fully. I mean i still dont most days. I told him i wanted to hold off of on having sex. We went on a few dates karaoke and nice dinners. And indecised to go to his house deep in Jersey. Again i told him i didnt want to have sex before hand. Affection and kissing and spending time with each other is fine. But before you know it i literally turned around for a moment and turned back around anf he was completely naked begging me to go down on him. And again i didnt know what to do. I should have known better AGAIN. I thought telling him ahead of time that my boundary would be respected. And i was in the middle of bumbba nowhere new jersey with no real way out till the next day.

We dated for 4 weeks and he planned the “Sweetest Day” which is celebrated on the 3rd Saturday of October and is kind of like a Valentines Day. The week before i was having really bad psychosis and it took a toll on me physically so i didnt have the energy to make it all the way out to Jersey. Then the next week was the sweetest day. But my grandma passed away. And he had thr NERVE to get mad at me. Like really actually raising his voice and stressing me out mad at me for canceling plans (not last minute either). So after that i was done for a while.

Also the voices kept saying “i cant wait for “great day”(my grandma catch phrase)” or “for the shoe to drop” meaning she was going to pass. I chose not to believe them cause everyone said they feed of of fear abd sadness. But they got me. They told the future AGAIN.

Either way i tried dating a schiz guy in December thinking he would be more sensitive that DID NOT go well either. He actually smacked me in my face during sex and then denied the whole thing. Also the voices were involving themselves in my sex life saying “yea i like it like that” and being gross as usual.

I mean they quickly bypassed the crazy and really sticking to this disgusting for a while now.

SO after ALL THAT HOT MESS I was celibate for two years 2017/2018. All the while hunkering down and just sutting through the rape and molestation and burns and abuse and sick visions and scary hallucinations and fatigue….. Electrocution ….. You name it. I cant even name all the abuse.

Then after two years i wanted to just talk to someone …… And thought i would JUST TALK to talk. Buti met a military guy who i thought i could have something special with. He seemed kind and really understanding that i had schizophrenia and talked about how he wanted me to have his babies. And so i thought THIS TIME introduce him to my family. And we dated for a few weeks. I thought this one was going to be long lasting from the way he talked to me. And then when i went to his house i wanted to but after 3 times having sex he just ghosted.

So no matter how i tried to do things different it doesnt matter it just keeps being a waste of time. I just wanted someone to hold me through all of this scary shit and tell me its ok. And love me and tell me im beautiful when the voices tell me im ugly.

All these guys were such a waste of time and i feel like such an idiot. And i really wish inwould have known better. And i wish i could take it all back and said NO and just had the courage to walk out. Because nothing amounted to anything.

Now i am back on my celibacy tip. Since like a month ago from military dude. And idk. Kust writing it out. I secretly want someone to be there but it is not worth the risk at this point. I just figured the voices WANT(ed) me to be alone and isolated so they can rape me and wouldnt cultivate love in my life. To be honest.

But im kot doing that either way. So its useless.

Whatever. πŸ’”

A Truth: Reconciliation ⏰

So I have seen 100s of different “entities” during this 3 year long attack. Mantis, aliens, golems, reptilians, troll, teddy bears, parasites, dragons, regular demons, geckos, “acturians”, vampire, ghosts, Shadow “people”, lotus’, sunflowers and daisies, butterflies, infinity symbols, Isis and Osiris statue, cats, mermaids, like half woman half man human esq faces, and countless other ones I can not describe. MOST that I see seem to be just heads. Head cut off by a circle. They were almost drawings and could be anything or anyone.

Now I HAVE heard my ex’s voice actually still do unfortunately. I’ve heard my mother’s and fathers. I’ve heard pretty much all of my coworkers when I was really loosing my mind. And that is why I thought it was originally telepathy.

I also hear 2 male voices and a female voice that I do not know who they are but they the main harassers. (“Gang stalkers”)

And I guess that’s where I came to a am epiphany. I saw 100s of astrals all over my NYC apartment. On the TV, on the enclosing my room creating a matrix, on my dresser in the hallway…… like woa, but my assumption is that they are all derivatives fragments of the same whole and can conglomerate at anytime and …………. say………. go back to what ever layer of hell it came from? Maybe?

I will hear the same voice coming off the TV in the living room or in my sisters room depending. Both have a little purple energy blob (actually more than one) hanging around it. That’s why ambient TV kills me because the Entity can manipulate sound as long as sound is happening. If not they they resort to white noise in the ears.

ANY WAYS, besides all of the different costumes (out of the 100s of Entities I have seen I still don’t know who has been speaking to me), and ALL the different “personalities” they try to pull off (such as my friends, family, coworkers, ex’s, lololol GOD lol) one thing has remained the same is their ACTUAL personality. One I’m not familiar with. So I’m going to assume at least one is new, but if I assume too much that just create more story and story gives them more play time.

Generally speaking these entities fit the profile of a “reptilian” sexually perverted, controlling, mean, manipulative, liars, mind control, dark negative thoughts all that corny shit. Most will just call them demons.

Be it targeted individuals, attacked “awakened” (whatever the fuck that means now a days), schizophrenics, or possessed, the voices are all generally the same. Vile, sexually depraved, twisted “consciousness”. They repeat the same shit over and over and over and over πŸ™„ and over and over again. Looping the same gross ass thought and trying to convince YOU that’s YOU lol when it’s THEM! Even when you know!

So the fact that these Entities are generally the same either saying the same thing or with the same agenda speaks volumes. But of course each person has their own individual life so of course each fragment of this energy will be tailored to them more less.

But there are too many commonalities. And I’m starting to get really over this…… and I’m pretty sure others are as well.

I don’t need proof with all these photos (although I have it). I don’t need to listen to them because all they have done is caused pain and looped it, lead me astray in my true “spiritual” journey and distracted me from my joy.

I know it’s not easy that’s why they use mind control tactics in our sleep. But for those that are struggling in this fucked up false ass matrix……….

πŸ‘ΎπŸ‘ΎπŸ‘Ύ GAME OVER!!! πŸ‘ΎπŸ‘ΎπŸ‘Ύ

I can’t believe this is real life. 😳

So like WTF?

How is this real life? Like I know life has ups and downs, but right now I hit a plateau of just going to sleep and waking up to nasty Entity voices saying and doing nasty shit all day.

And like a LOT of people are hearing the exact same nasty shit all day….. how is this real life?!

I just can’t believe this is my life right now.

I’m only staying alive cause I’m petty other wise I’m pretty grossed the fuck out by life at this present moment. All levels.

I’m done trying to understand my abusers on all levels. I can’t wrap my mind around their logic and I need to accept that I never will.

Spiritual, emotional, mental, political abusers!

I can’t rock with it…. I don’t get it…. especially when they don’t stop.

This is how people snap….

But I won’t…. I’m petty. Fuck that shit. I’m too cute for that.

I just never thought in all my life I would be harassed by some disgusting demonic reptilian 2D flat floating astral assholes 24/7 none stop……. and made to seem crazy.

A waste of time and life. Like I don’t even care about these assholes.

I wish the were like sucked into a black hole never to return.

I can barely get fresh air with out being harassed.

I just never thought this could be real.

I will never understand why or who or how or why….. because it’s insane. There is nothing to understand about the insanity. You want to pick out some pretty gems cool, but essentially this shits insane and pointless.

So……… idk.

Does a Curse make you go to hell? πŸ”₯β˜ƒοΈπŸ”₯

If someone or something cursed you or whatever do you automatically go to hell? Like even if you are a decent person?

Like what does it mean to be cursed?

All I see and hear and feel is damn near close to hell. And I have no idea why I would be cursed but there are bad people and beings that do unspeakable things.

But what does that mean ? Are we only cursed in this life or are we then dragged to hell by default because of the things we see and hear?

Idk what this all is. I am not afraid. But I’m kindaaaaaaa over it? I honestly don’t even have the attention span for this schizophrenic demonic reptilian incubus curse.

Dr. Phil: Twin Flames 😳

Sheila says that when the love of her life, Simon, said goodbye, he claimed he was going away for a few days but promised to return with flowers in a limousine.
β€” Read on www.drphil.com/shows/my-sister-drove-from-canada-to-mexico-searching-for-the-ex-lover-she-claims-sends-her-secret-messages-via-songs-on-the-radio/

======================

I was initiated into this hell hole through the concept Twin Flame.

It was after a break up. It was with a man I lost a lot of confidence with and made me feel really insecure for the first time. So I was an easy target at the time. But these entities were still able to convince me that maybe all these insecurities were because of love and my hang ups and not because he just plain old didn’t like me and we didn’t work out. They even convinced me they were telepathic communication with him and sounded just like him.

Some commonality with her case was the constant obsession but keeping him away. Using music “as a form of communication”, saying there was a “bet” for a large sum of money involved or a large sum of money involved. And that some how death was involved (i.e. Forcing me into suicide for my “twin flame”).

So where does this all come from?

I mean ……….. I’ve heard some things but the actual application of it to my life is another thing. How these Entities applied it to my life were well deadly. Still are.

I mean even though I am over the “twin flame” I STILL to this day have to hear about this man (my ex). To the point where I’m like “can you please leave this man alone?” I’m tired of hearing about him.

But who came up with the twin flame rules? And how do these Entites know how to play? Like the money part?

Maybe twin flames in another dimension are the most amazing love, here they are not. If anything they show signs of if a incubus of demonic hold. No one should be running around in circles like that. I lost a lot since my twin flame experience. And yea I could be all “I’m grateful” but…… I got shit to do and this was not it.

I feel bad she went through this. It’s embarrassing. Now they are going to drug her to make her more presentable. But I still believe there is a spiritual health issue underlying. I just don’t know how to address it permanently.

Just moment to moment. Day to day.

I don’t know if these Entities go away permanently. Although I would like to think so.

I know myself just as I am writing to you honestly. But these Entities are another bag of beans.

It’s sad but I’m trying to keep faith that through fierce honesty and communication and compassion we can start to heal.

Black Obsidian: Root Chakra

So last night that insane “root chakra” vibrating rumble, burning, pin prick almost feels like my core is being yanked out…yea that feeling happened and so I put this obsidian on my vagina (non sexual yall, sorry its the demons fault I even think like that now).

Uhm it didn’t stop the vibration because then it just intensified… But it seems like it diverted it for a little while from directly with my cells. 

The virbatiin happens from the thighs all the way to the vagina area…. Sometimes a little further up into the actual reproductive system…. Sometimes feel like and empty yanking….. You know when your stomach growls… It feels like that but then a yanking sensation.

I know its one of those portal archon disks that’s doing this to me. They can get big or small…. Right small enough to be on the clit area and super annoying or large enought to include my thighs. I put my hand down there and usually it stop it but this time it was  so strong I could feel the buzz with my hand. 

I have used my thighs to squeeze it out more times then I have the energy for. Some say its “kundalini”. But can you actually push kundalini out if its naturally part of your spiritual body? 

Also there is no progressions to it. Kundalini I thought was suppose to progress in come way. 

I have had “kundalini” like sensation go up my back, very similar to to the root chakra…. But that always feel like a leaving sensation. 

It doesn’t make me feel good. I don’t like it I have no idea what’s going on….. Or why or the point of it all.

I just feel violated. I’ve never violated anyone. Ok maybe tickling my sister.

Either way the crystal didn’t help. Yes I cleaned them. Everyone keeps telling me to use crystals and so far they are only beautiful objects. A security blanket in the freezing winter.

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UPDATE Google Doc SearchDoctor diagnosed Vibrating Vagina. I finally got the nerve to ask my doctor about the vibrating/humming sensation in my vagina. … He said the sensation is due to blood flow. The blood flow can cause turbulence which results in the vibratingfeeling.

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I mean blood flows….  But in that way there is a stimuli like when you are with a lover…. Or there is a threat to the body. So just blood flow is not a good enough answer for me. But it is ONE biological answer. When I would squeeze my thighs until I heard a crunch I would see the fast clear circle shoot out from legs. 

Sometimes I wonder if I’m fucking myself up more than these aliens are just trying to figure out what’s happening to my body and why I don’t feel connected to it. 

Idk. I hate this. 

Photo of what I usually see

Like this is the most obvious photo I have taken. I would zoom in or not have it on a white background or in bright lights so your eyes can adjust. Im trying to look at it now in my bathroom lights and all I see it a black photo. 

If I’m totally bugging let me know. 

The photos of what I drew are here. I have seeming them for 6+ months. I think one or more contribute to the schizophrenia.