Imaginary Friend 🍃👻🍃

I had some “the gruge” like or alien raptor visuals in the begining ….. But I laughed at them …. So oddly my visuals are not AS strong although I have like floating emojis around the house which are odd and visions of child abuse or which is terrifying or random photos of people. 

I guess I am more stern because of the auditory …. Speaking creates more of a relationship. So it’s like one moment the voices would have me crying from saying moms gonna die, then sucidial from a sick visual of child sexual abuse and then trying manipulate me back into a friendly demeanor by making jokes or saying they love me. I realized this was a cycle of abuse. 

The Reconciliation /Honeymoon phase is “The victim feels pain, fear, humiliation, disrespect, confusion, and may mistakenly feel responsible. Characterized by affection, apology, or, alternatively, ignoring the incident, this phase marks an apparent end of violence, with assurances that it will never happen again, or that the abuser will do his or her best to change.” 

The first time I was introduced to this was when my best friend in high school told me that her mom would beat her, and then clean her wounds and tell her sorry and it won’t happen again and do it again. I asked my mom if she could live us but she couldn’t. 

Once I found this habitual pattern of abuse…. As much as those funny moments are so important for relief to the constant verbal abuse… To love and not hate…. To laugh….. I sadly had to accept that these voices will never change…. And I can no longer enable their abuse. Nor can I trust any attempt to gain my trust. 

This is called trauma. Not being able to leave a state of constant distrust or being on gaurd…… Physically harms the body in itself as well as how I interact with others. I’m trying to simply be clear and stern about my boundaries rather than be become a full blown narc. But it hurts and its hard because this is NOT my true nature. 

Sans the sick twisted abusive stuff…. I have no problem having an imaginary alien rapture friend that remixes gregorian music, plays air ghost tic tac toe and makes decent jokes given a natrual break in communication and with out pain from them touching me is gone.

Yea…. I am liberal about being crazy.

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Copy Cat 🙀🙏 Smiley Face â˜ş

Above is a photo from a young girl in my schizophrenia group. We originally started speaking about her hallucinations in the group and she seemed so scared I told her to maybe draw them. To kinda face the fears, showing them she is not afraid. 

At first she was like no, but then some weeks later she started drawing them. And I was really proud of her for facing her fears.

She exolained this one is very different than what she normally sees. And I saw the same one again today as well. 

Some weeks ago my friend “sent me energy” and it looked like smiley face and flowers. I wrote about it in the blog. Her energy was very polite. When she brought her energy back to herself I knew. BUT the demonic energy here tried to copy the look of her energy signature and tried to seem like it was her. But know when it is not. There is always a slight difference from hers. Hers is brighter, faster, and moves. This demons is slow and dull and the smile is different. 

Now this girl drawing a version of the demonic version of this energy that I saw today and its making me upset. 1. Because I pray that its not this demon trying to fuck with her or me. 2. I feel like I should not be around ANYONE like I can’t care about anyone, help anyone with out some bullshit.

They asked me to be a moderator in the schiz group. Cause I give a shit about people and I want people to be OK….. But then things like this just makes me feel like shit.

Opposite World: “As above So Below” â˜đŸ‘‡

Kundalini is a eastern spiritual concept. Prayer is a western spiritual concept or can be known as meditation. And “shadow work” is a western psychological concept.

So Carl Jungs “Shadow Work identifies the “issue”, where is comes from and the belief that supports it. And the “prayer” or meditation  helps to find I guess a solution or letting go control of it through belief.  For me I take the prayer a step further and put an action with it ….. Which would be a Kundalini “Reversal”.

Schizophenia is like being stuck in mirror world, opposite world, upside down world. It’s like you are constantly met with the opposite, kept from joy that seem like its with reach.

Being the opposite of what you know yourself to be is called “negative symptoms. If you were super motivated and organized …  And one day you wakevup disheveled and depressed. Negative symptom is essentially what you knew yourself as being “taken away”. 

This whole “as above so below” means what? That may be the biggest lie ever. Above where? Below where? We say “On earth as it is in heaven”. I have no idea what heaven is like. So how does that translate to earth? I have no idea what hell is actually like…. But this experience was pretty fucking close.

How do we move out of the limits of this oppression?

My idea of a mirror was that my actual traits would be reflected back to me…. That what I try to bring into the world would be reflected back and actually make a difference. That you do unto others as you would have done unto you because well… We hope that that happens to us too…. But one too many times this did not play out the way I thought it would…. And you move on…. But now I am stuck….

Kinda just bombarded by all that is the world…. But not the beauty the things I wish were changed about the world.

God, Satan, Angels, Demons? 

Guess how done I am? Just guess?…. 

I’m in some of these forums….. People are out here saying the Jesus is really Satan, that Angels are really the ones torturing us to prove out love to God. This fucking Demon Entity here had THE FUCKING NERVE to say “God molests his children”. 😩

Yea I know! How fucking confused are we? Its like trying to figure out which electoral party was originally racist.

I’m super over it. Like I can break down words and drop some gems if I felt like it. I care about now. Like if the “Devil” originally meant life force, than who or what the fuck are these entities harassing me? And why? 

They over here shooting emoji balls at my 3rd Eye like target practice.

We are so confused out here killing for land….  Power…. To be right. Its like it doesn’t even matter what these text say or breaking down words if no one is acting right and doesn’t hive a fuck on any plane of existence. 

Its interesting to read. I like reading about cultures and stuff….. But at some point its like COME ON!

Which side is not about the bullshit hm? Which side is NOT energetically raping me every night? 

It really shouldn’t be this difficult. Either interesting read. 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 The term “Devil” is an abrahamic corruption of “Devi” from the east, which originally has a more respectable meaning. Devi represents the Life Force (Serpentine Energy) which is what animates all living, forming the light of the soul. 

The Myth of Eden (The Adam and Eve story is about Kundalini Energy) originates from Ancient Sumeria, which is by far one of the oldest living civilizations. The Serpent was an allegory for the soul. It was the Life Force Enki (Satan) gave Humanity, and He was hated for doing so. Another one of the Gods vowed to tarnish His reputation so that Humanity would fear Him and believe He’s evil. It wasn’t until the Hebrew Myth that He became known as the “Devil.” Coincidence?

The term “Devil” is documented to come from the Sanskrit and the potrayal of the “Devil” as the Serpent (Satan-Enki) is final proof of this. “The Devil” originally represents the Kundalini Serpentine Energy, the Divine Life Force of the Soul. In the Ancient World the “Devi” (also Devika) represents the feminine aspect, the Ida, which is represented by the Moon. “Devi” is also another name for the Divine Mother in Hinduism: Lalitha aka Durga, Shakti, Kali, Parvati, ect. There’s so many different etymological ties to “Lilith,” who’s already commonly known as Kali. Lilith is also linked to the Sumerian Term “LÍL-TI” which means “Spirit of Life.” 

• The words “Divine” and “Devil” both come from the same Sanskrit root “Dev.” To be more specific “Devil” is also from “Deva” (also Devata or Diva) which is the masculine equivalent of the Kundalini, being linked to the Pingala which is represented by the Sun and the Solar Plexus [666] Chakra, which is known as “the Powerhouse of the Soul.” This energy is scorching hot. 

• Deva means: Divine, Shining One, Heavenly, Exalted, and Anything of Excellence. Interestingly enough, its another Sanskrit name for God. Deva has also been linked to the Greek “Theos,” the Latin “Deus,” the Lithuanian “Diewas,” and the French “Dieu,” all meaning “GOD” as well. 

• As we can see the term “Devil” (originally “Devi” and “Deva”) met the same fate in the hands of the Christians who also overtook the term “Demon” (originally Daemon, having a good meaning) and turning the figures of reverence, love, positivity, ect- into those of devastation, hate, fear and evil…

Further on looking onto the term “God”: the mantra “SATNAM” is associated with the supreme creator and father who has many names. This contains two roots. “Sat” (also Satyan, Satyan) meaning “TRUTH” (which is God) and “Nam” meaning “NAME.” However SATNAM is a shorter version of SATANAMA which means “HOMAGE TO THE GOD WHO’S NAME IS SATA.” The true and highest name of God is SAT or SATA. 

Jehovah means EVIL GOD in Hebrew while Satan means TRUTH in Ancient Sanskrit

The term “Devil” is an abrahamic corruption of “Devi” from the east, which originally has a more respectable meaning. Devi represents the Life Force (Serpentine Energy) which is what animates all living, forming the light of the soul.

The Myth of Eden (The Adam and Eve story is about Kundalini Energy) originates from Ancient Sumeria, which is by far one of the oldest living civilizations. The Serpent was an allegory for the soul. It was the Life Force Enki (Satan) gave Humanity, and He was hated for doing so. Another one of the Gods vowed to tarnish His reputation so that Humanity would fear Him and believe He’s evil. It wasn’t until the Hebrew Myth that He became known as the “Devil.” Coincidence?

The term “Devil” is documented to come from the Sanskrit and the potrayal of the “Devil” as the Serpent (Satan-Enki) is final proof of this. “The Devil” originally represents the Kundalini Serpentine Energy, the Divine Life Force of the Soul. In the Ancient World the “Devi” (also Devika) represents the feminine aspect, the Ida, which is represented by the Moon. “Devi” is also another name for the Divine Mother in Hinduism: Lalitha aka Durga, Shakti, Kali, Parvati, ect. There’s so many different etymological ties to “Lilith,” who’s already commonly known as Kali. Lilith is also linked to the Sumerian Term “LÍL-TI” which means “Spirit of Life.” 

• The words “Divine” and “Devil” both come from the same Sanskrit root “Dev.” To be more specific “Devil” is also from “Deva” (also Devata or Diva) which is the masculine equivalent of the Kundalini, being linked to the Pingala which is represented by the Sun and the Solar Plexus [666] Chakra, which is known as “the Powerhouse of the Soul.” This energy is scorching hot. 

• Deva means: Divine, Shining One, Heavenly, Exalted, and Anything of Excellence. Interestingly enough, its another Sanskrit name for God. Deva has also been linked to the Greek “Theos,” the Latin “Deus,” the Lithuanian “Diewas,” and the French “Dieu,” all meaning “GOD” as well. 

• As we can see the term “Devil” (originally “Devi” and “Deva”) met the same fate in the hands of the Christians who also overtook the term “Demon” (originally Daemon, having a good meaning) and turning the figures of reverence, love, positivity, ect- into those of devastation, hate, fear and evil…

Further on looking onto the term “God”: the mantra “SATNAM” is associated with the supreme creator and father who has many names. This contains two roots. “Sat” (also Satyan, Satyan) meaning “TRUTH” (which is God) and “Nam” meaning “NAME.” However SATNAM is a shorter version of SATANAMA which means “HOMAGE TO THE GOD WHO’S NAME IS SATA.” The true and highest name of God is SAT or SATA. 

Jehovah means EVIL GOD in Hebrew while Satan means TRUTH in Ancient Sanskrit.

Note:Shared from a religious debate forum.

Petty Post: Bashee

So I legit have this Banshee looking ghost thing following me its in some of my photos and on my skin. Its in the photo of my arm in the background and in the drawing in a previous post.

Anyway so i decided to google Banshee just to see if they really look like that.

And then when I googled the first thing that popped up was Banshee Pub.

I jokingly said to myself i should go there.

Then I took a look inside and realize was the first time of 3 of the last times I would see my ex (twin flame). I cried for the first time in front of him there. We split the bill on a few drinks. I went home, he walked away. I never felt understood or like i could understand with him. LOL I needed my best friend to constantly decipher messages so i didnt get worked up about “wtf does that even mean?”

But whatever.

I have a the ghost of a banshee moving around on my body and fucking up my life. And Bashee Pub just happened to be one of the places I died.

UPDATE: So the Banshee showed up on my upper arm again. And I was in the bathroom and had my arm on the sink when I noticed it. And so I said, “Hi, thanks for ruining my life.” And the Banshee legit changed faces looking down like “my bad”. 

So if children scribbles drawings of banshees are welting up on my arm and showing fake remorse for ruining my life, I need Jesus and the best medicine I can get my hands on cause this shit is CRAY! 

God’s Love? 🙏

There is this…..  This undercurrent notion that we must suffer to gain knowledge, we must suffer to show our love for God.

I really wish I could apply “pain is an teacher”, that, “through great turmoil comes blessings”.

Idk maybe I’m just a big hippy, but I’m not with the program.

I think the more we think pain = reward the more skewed we allow our psychosocial society to excuse systemic abuse. 

“No pain no gain”. I mean there were moments in my weight loss journey where I pushed myself that extra mile…. It might have hurt a bit after…. But it could also be fun and beautiful. Like riding a bike at sunset on an Autumn day.

Our system is apart of our psychology and is based on oppression and abuse. 

I personally do not believe that was Gods plan. Maybe I am too arrogant and no idea what I am talking about. 

Things happen in life. We lean on our faith in God to get us through. That there IS justice and healing in the world. 

But systemically I do not believe God wants to inflict pain on us to see how much we love him. That’s a SUPER weird way of thinking. You wouldn’t say that to a person in an abusive relationship would you?

God loves us unconditionally. That doesn’t mean bad things don’t happen. And that doesn’t mean we take abuse from our abusers. That we dont seek justice or remedies in our life time. That is a really masochistic way of thinking and keeps our mind in a state of ……. You got it! …….. oppression!

Maybe that is what these demonic entities figured out. Which brings me back to an earlier point in my blog, that if God wanted to wipe these demonic entities OUT God would. They are in a sense shown Gods mercy, however they abuse their privilege and found loop holes. 

THUS why they are not allowed on the same plane as us. BUT NO people wanna have astral orgasms and open portals so their bedroom becomes port authority for demons entities and God knows what. 

Maybe that is why these Entities torture us …. Condemn us for past mistakes. To make themselves feel better than us…. To give themselves reasoning and feel justified in carrying out their psychotic agenda. Power…. Oppression. And they get humans in on it too…. Both the naive and aware.

I do not have to love my abuser (Demonic Entities). All I can do is pity them. Pray for change. Change of myself and change of them to realize their role in the grand scheme and for whatever bit of soul they carry. Safety of our people. 

I believe we can honestly come into a new age of truth. 

I know its naive but I said in other posts. If we in fact are suppose to interact with these beings. Meaning they are as much organically in our plane as we are in theirs. Then I firmly believe there are more productive, positive and truthful ways of interacting. 

But that is their choice to make. Collectively. 

I can’t force them. I can’t beat them into submission. If someone was using them or oppressing them, I would fight for them too. But unfortunately that trust has been forever broken with me. 

I hope they realize this all collectively.

New Spirit Energy Whatever. đŸ‘€

I seen eyes before around the house. Alien eyes, one single eye. But there’s a new eye with lashes that’s has been following me around the house. 

I looked up at the edge of the ceiling and then all of a sudden it was in my face. I’m like damn I can’t even look at the ceiling?!? 

I told the pretty 3rd eye with lashes (and a bunch of dots above it) No thank you. I didn’t feel super threatened by it, but I mean they are in my home when I asked them to leave…. So ….. It moved to the side.

The voice said “don’t you want a 3rd eye?”. I said, “I already have one.” (I guess I think… Maybe… Who knows). 

All I know is I want all these things out of my body…. I don’t care if they are little ghost in the shape bunny rabbits, Jesus, 3rd eye lashes ….. After what happen … No Bueno. And anything of a good nature would understand that and leave me alone.

I’m seriously not out hear looking for this stuff. I get bothered and then I’m looking for ways to be left alone by these entity spirits whatever they are. 

Why won’t they leave!!!!!!!? Uhg! 

🌻 Sun Light + Light Energy đŸŒž

Is there a reason why these energies want you to stay inside?

Isolated? In the dark? Up late in the middle of the night?

I’ve noticed that these particular heavy energies tend to 1. Hide inside us or whatever, 2. Become extremely small when outside in direct sunlight.

Now I have seen energies that are out in the open …. Open in the sunlight unafraid. One actually tried to warn me when I was on the beach I realized. It was bright white and noticeable. It kept changing from a vampire to a butterfly. I kept asking the voice “what was that?!” And it said “its a curse to make you a child molestor.” I was scared so I got up from the beach and went back to my tent. 

I NOW realized that it was probably another Light Energy maybe from someone on the beach or maybe just an element.. . trying to warn me of this demon sucking all my energy.

I live on the first floor of a manhattan apartment. So sunlight is difficult to come by. And I shut myself away from the public until I could understand what was going on with me.

Unfortunately its winter…. BLA…. I’m slow.

But between my friend sending me beautiful light energy ….. And finally realizing that this demon that hides in my body didn’t want me to figure out that it was a “light being” trying to warn me on the beach that day in Montauk.

I finally believe in GOOD again. That there can be a good spiritual world not filled with darkness, lies and perversions. I’m sure that spirit couldn’t help for risk of getting hurt itself. And I totally understand. Its my fault for believing this demon saying it was a curse. IT WAS A WARNING!

I believe in good again. And I’m starting to learn the distinction. How it feels looks acts its personality. Good has never interfered or directly spoken to me, probably because it has no interest in taking over the mind or body like these demons do so they have a place to hide and someone to carry out their bullshit.

They will glitter like the light, but they can’t hang out IN the light! We have to learn the difference because there is a lot of people (including myself) who are being duped by false light thinking they are talking to angels, and good spirits and what have you. I lost 2 years of my life and undid 5 year health journey because of this!

Now its just about figuring out how to rid all of these demonic archon whatever spirit assholes out of my body and house. ALL of them! Cause I am done!!!!?

I needed to realize this. I needed to believe in good again.

Lost Souls 👤🙏 & Fire

I have heard many theories on what these circular shape things are around my house. Some say its souls/spirits, some say angels, some say archon/ reptialian, I have yet to read anyone directly relate this things with Satan but they sure do come close. 

So one thing I noticed is that these things do NOT like heat. Although they can produce what may feel like heat (nerve / electrical). Actual heat is not what they love. This includes actual fire and HOT water, say in a bath or the outside of a glass of HOT tea.

I guess this came up for me because I woke up, felt one of these things on the top of my hand and the used my eyes to see if there was one there, and then saw the darker middle half way out my hand. I then placed my piping hot coffee cup on the back of my hand and saw it rise up slowly. 

Whatever these things are if they remove themselves from my body after being put in hot water then to me that means THEY ARE NOT SUPPOSE TO BE THERE! 

Maybe I am getting too biblical but maybe these are lost souls, that would endlessly burn in fire. Since they don’t die in heat, but don’t like heat they just run away, they often come back. Or maybe these lost souls are being USE by Reptilians (which i could def see them being thought of as demons back in the day).

They are slowly accumulating all over the house. Edges of the ceiling. And some so bold and big right in the middle of the room.

I’m just tired of these things attaching to me. I know my vibrations are “low” because whatever is orchestrating this, keeps using child sexual abuse to make me super sad and grossed out and cry. Which probably just feeds them all. But I TRY, and when I try to not allow the visions to bring me down (cause they are not real), I get attached even more. 

These things touching my skin are causing rashes, burning, vibration and discomfort. 

When I deal with emotional now its the physical with these things burning.

I’m TRYing SO HARD! 🙏

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