Got Weed? 🌴

Where the weed at?

So last night I smoked some weed to see what will happen. Just two or three puffs. Lol it doesn’t take much. I always wondered how my friends could smoke a whole L to the head but whatever.

So smoking almost immediately the voice went into scary mode unlike when I take an edible. Edibles tend to be more popped out. I didn’t “feel” as high as I normally do. When I smoke usually I feel opened up. Exposed to the world. I’ve even felt that way with this Entity completely sober. So its strange.

This time though when I say it went in IT WENT IN to try to scary me. This time felt more like mind control. It was a constant bombardment of EVERYTHING being related back to child abuse. It stated off with the Entity saying, “It….. Was ….. A-pparent………….. To me” trying to suggest that I was this demons mother and hurt it in a past life or some bullshit. And I just smoked my weed and gave it a big NAH.

Kept trying to convince me in every possible way, almost like it did when it tried to convince me it was God. It was like a very strong feeling. And I wasn’t budging. So I decided to watch Once Upon A Time….. And I mean this demon was relating EVERYTHING to child abuse. The most innocent of details…. To the whole storyline. Its almost like i had this Entity just streamed thoughts of child abuse in a mind control manner and just was like NOPE. It was twisting it make it seem like there was even an aundertone of child abuse. And I was just like NOPE NOPE NOPAh! Not falling for any of the bullshit.

Even my dream once i went to sleep, though there where no images, the entiry tried to give a “theme” of child abuse, it almost felt separate like it didn’t even go with the dream but interjected in this strange way, like a tick. It was woa intense. But I’m not falling for any of it.

Not this life, not past life, no other dimensions….. Its a NO!

Either way I might smoke some more just to see how stupid this Entity Demon gets. Not because I necessarily want to talk about child abuse ever again in my life.

This is like mental/ spiritual gentrification. 

Kiss my ass demon!

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You Are Welcome πŸ™

I was practicing a Chi breathing technique on YouTube that a friend sent to me.

I noticed some blocks and add ons but whatever I always notice.

Either way, it talked about creating chi and then bringing it back into the body.

I rememered a moment when this all first started happening and my chest extending out past my shoulders felt like I was opened up. That’s when I first started to feel like I was dying.

I didn’t feel much in my center now, just this tender heart. I figured the entity took all my chi, that’s why all I can do right now is sleep, eat cookies and cry about the world.

The guy talking in the video said that we are “the most powerful free energy devices on the planet”.

So I immediately told the Entity, “you are welcome….” And I meant it. I wasn’t being sarcastic as usual. It was a gift.

I figured that I gave (well it took) my energy to this Entity. I just don’t know how to reve my chi back up yet……

…… Wonder if instead of scaring the shit out of me, disrespecting me, violating, if other entity beings whatever where to be upfront? Maybe we could live peacefully. 

Entity would be like, “Yo I really need this chi, I will make it quick.”

They won’t and… Maybe can’t tell me who or what they are. Maybe I’m too peace loving and just feel like if we just put the truth out there it would easier for all of us and work something out. 

Who knows, maybe I would be like “sure homie, you can have some of this chi love!” And i would just go wipe some more up later.

I can give with out receiving. But I don’t know I just need a bit of honesty.

Who knows maybe chi doesn’t even exists. Maybe I am pulling this out of my ass. Maybe they don’t need all this brain electric goodness or this golden chi.

All I know is, there has to be a better way.

πŸŒΏπŸŒΉπŸ‘€πŸ‘½πŸ™βœŒπŸŒΉπŸŒΏ

Crazy Talks: What I See πŸ‘€

Just jotting down some notes.

I don’t see this on anyone else but myself.

There are two very distinct things I see other than the visions. I see the these circle dots that can divide into multipuls. And I see this vibrating heat wave looking thing that moves in and out of me. Think like a clear slimmer from ghost busters. 

So I was commenting on a post to a lady that says she can remove implants and the slimmer thing shot out of my stomach and my stomach/ back area vibrated trembled and I could see it moving around outside of me. 

Noe occasionally I during the day will get headaches or I will feel the pressure on my head and I will hear almost like a distant train tremble vibration. I think this vibrating clear thing is the pressure I feel on my head, the anxiety, its like its the ….. Emotion and sensation maker. I don’t know if it is a separate entity or controlled. My guess it is controlled. 

Now the circle dot thing seems to be the visions/ dreams/ hallucinations/ Logo maker. But I’m not sure to what extent it morphs and uses light. If I pinch the corners of my eyes I see a circle of light in each corner. Not sure if this is bad or good. But I’m sure it plays its part. I have literally seen visions (waking dreams) fade away into almost a logo (a simple none color emoji vision), I have also seems dreams fade as well. 

So I see this dot thing that was never there before as the cause of the visions. And this energy slimmer thing as the cause of the sensations I feel. 
After it jumped out of my stomach it went for GUESS WHERE you guys??!?? My VAGINA! Of course! My vagina! I felt it go there after it shot out.

I’m really over this Scooby doo mystery. Seriously. 

ACHOO πŸ‘½ (pt.🌳)

So the Demonic Alien Entities whatever are mad that I keep calling them stupid. I do not measure intelligence by book smarts. No.

But rather how you treat people, yourself, the planet. I actually don’t know if I have ever looked at someone and truly thought they were stupid. Maybe 45 and this entity. I might have used another adjective, but rarely stupid.

The fact that this Entity is belligerent and blind sighted by lust for control and power to no end is psychotic. And there to me is a example for lack of intelligence. 

Yes it may have lurked around my life studying what makes me tick, but if this was the ultimate goal or even the means, all I can do at this point is sit back and pity them.

All this haunted house, ghosts of the past, Dom humiliating freak show is old and tired and pointless. And the fact that they keep hitting the same note over and over actually shows a lack of intelligence. I’m just sitting here side eye.

Fuck this bullshit idea of awakening, fuck the dark night of the soul, fuck all this cosmic spiritual bullshit. Shit is dumb. 

What spend a year of my life curled up in my bed crying cause I keep seeing visions of child abuse? It’s stupid. There is no lesson, no take away, nothing …… Its just dumb shit on replay for no reason.

People keep telling me “you’ll get there.” WHERE? GET WHERE? The end of the schizophrenic rainbow? I’m not falling for this shit…. Better days…. I care about now. 

This shit needs to end now! I don’t want a pet psychic entity dot that shits on people and tourtures me for fun. Like we ain’t ever going to be homies and it is MY TEACHER, MY LOVER OR MY GOD.

This shit needs to go back to where ever the fuck it came from. 

“Archon Mind Parasite Self-Defense”

This video is interesting and grounding. 

1. While I truly enjoy understanding the “chakra system”, I believe it is a great way of understanding and bring mindful of the part of our body. I also do not truly believe we have 7 cones of energy. I think it can be a good way to understand organs and parts of the mind by compartmentalizing these idesas but not as an actual system. The concept is fine….. But diving deep into the illusion of being some super human is where we get caught by these Entities. 

We are electromagnetic, this is true. We have metals in our body. But how that actually looks I have no idea. 

2. As stated these beings will pretend to be anything of authority. And will play off of both bad and “positive” emotions or words to control. So it really is a double edge sword. So I have narrowed the single most important thing is ignorance. Lack of awareness will have you pulled in so many different directions. Happy sad angry. So when we are aware that these being are trying implant mistrust or fear anger or even manic happiness we are not in control. 

3. More recently I “saw” visuals that were not visions of “light” that looked like a couple of different things. One looks like maybe 20 circles inside of each other, another like jellyfish lights, others are sparks of “light” or globs of colorful “energy” that looks like its leaving my being . This is false light , this is not real light. It is not coming from the sun, or a lamp. I doubt it is coming from me. But even if this “light” is coming from me, the fact that it is being tampered with to create “light” is still false. So be careful of being lured by “the light”. All that glitters is not gold.

4. Between being in spiritual forums and schizophrenic forums to just everyday interactions it is very easy to see how we are all affected. Its easy to observe.

5. I have no idea how to get rid of these things. Again prior to being “attacked” I was on an organic diet and fairly happy with only a break up that rattled my spirit. However prior to this full fledged experience, I can recall up until the age of 15 where these beings have been around me. Or have acted as “spirits” of loved ones, or “angels” or supposed “spirit guides. Being young, i just accepted it as such cause i didnt know any better. Movies, religion and so on talks about spirits, angels, demons, ect so it is socially acceptable. I moved on with my life. But this ignorance, because no that was not my deceased grandma or grandpa, and no that flash of light was not an angel trying to help you, that ignorance is what comes to haunt me later.  

Don’t get me wrong, that idea of believing in angels or the spirit of our loved ones “being with us”, there is nothing wrong with this idea. If we want to embody the archetype idea of an angel is fine,if we want to comfort ourselves with the idea of our deceased loved ones looking down on us or living on “through us” as a form of ancestry that’s fine. Poetic of sorts. But these ideas can also be manipulated by these beings. In fact anything can if we don’t have our Witt’s about us. 

So again its not a clear cut answer.

Lol but if I find one I will surely let you know. For now I am careful what I believe and keep things simple. Because these parasites are always trying to drag me into a storyline so they can position themselves in a place of power rather than what they really and truly are. 

I Deserve This

Its Demon/ Shadow Entity whatever. Pretty simple …. There is no going back from this. There is no SURPRISE I was your angel spirit guide all along pushing you to what? Quit your job, ruin ever relationship, gain 100lb and sleep all day. There really is no coming back from this on any level. 

There is no prize, The demon tried to encourage me to keep going through the experience because in the end I would get my ex back or, be a better person, or some magical awakening ability. No there is no light at the end of this tunnel. You don’t get a prize for enduring pointless visions of child abuse or feeling like your brain is being sucked through a straw. There is no “upgrade” as we are designed as we should be. And I’m pretty sure any evolutionary changes would be extremely slow or generational. 

I deserve this, I clearly have done something to deserve this. Whether it was being disrespectful to my parents when I was young, being gay (who knows), having to to do sex work to survive, doing a few drugs, I might have borrowed/ stolen a couple things in my life. And while I try for the majority my hardest to be honest, I’ve definitely told some lies in my life. 

There is something I did to deserve this. Known or unknown. Do I feel like the punishment fits the crime, whatever it is….. No. But clearly that doesn’t matter. I did something or a couple of things that warrants demons being unleashed on me…. What they do from there… I guess is up to them and its not about being fair. Or balanced, or even learning a lesson at this point. I can’t even find the lesson in all of this because its just too much torture and confusion. Getting a lesson is for our own sake. It is our way of making peace. There is no prize, no lesson. 

This doesn’t excuse or make up for anything I have done. Enduring this doesn’t excuse what I have done in the past to deserve or contract this. This doesn’t wipe the slate clean. This doesnt purify. There is no lesson. Just abuse. 

There is no new age path, story or fantasy that applies. There is no cure. 

Even if my prayers and wishes came true and this Demon(s) *poof* magically went away, there is always the chance that it will come back and either try to ruin my life or make it even worse when I am down. There is no guarantee that this Demon will never come back and be gone forever.

No one will ever love me with this demon around. 

So it doesn’t matter. Nothing I do matters. 
Broken.

Mandala Effect and Targeted Individuals

Just some thoughts.

Mandala Effect I wonder if the mandala effect has to do with “targeted individuals”. I mean I wrote it off as just people being misinformed. I mean our memories aren’t always the best. But there is also our “minds eye” or “third eyes” or “imagination” so when we are asked a question we access it in some way. So I wonder if those who believe something to be one way and not the other are under “mind control” as “targeted individuals”. Just a theory.

Gang Stalking. From what I read many people believe they are being stalked or followes by a group or organization. And while this may be true as a “target individual”, one I doubt they would make themselves so obvious. And two its a part of the “paranoid schizophrenia” “play”. In my own experience the VOICE  or Entity, whatever you want to call it…. Would make me believe it was my ex and his friends doing this to me. Then it moved to my place of work and it was my coworkers. Then moved to my home and almost everyone in NYC had something to say about me. Talk about gang stalking, how about about a whole borough “bullying” you? It was/ is intense to say the least and makes it difficult to go outside and engage the world like I use to. Once I realized this is impossible… For EVERYONE in NYC to be talking about little old me things changed. Once I realized it is impossible for my ex and his friend (who lived on the other side of the country) to psychic telepathic access to me to bully me. Things changed. Once I realized that THE VOICE(s) were talking too fast to be two different people things changed. So while it still happens some times…. I don’t believe it. It is just ONE Entity simulating this nasty ass shit.

As I said before, like I wonder if this how people get hurt or go crazy and hurt people thinking they are doing this shit to them, or suicide cause they are lost in some sick simulation overlay. 

Types of voices. You may notice both a pitch or frequency accompanied by a white static noise. Try ear plugs and touching certain parts of your body like ears or neck … Or affected areas or closing your body in yoga positions. The tones may change. But I pray that you not hear them if you are uncertain. The types of voices I noticed are as followed.

Main Voice: I’m not sure if some people are even able to get there. But once you get past the paranoia or characters or actual people that IT is hiding behind … You may find one voice. I’m not sure how that may play out for individuals because each have a different experience. But this is in relation to “targeted individuals” and the feeling of “gang stalking”. My particular Voice or Entity attachment…. Is intelligent, manipulative, obsessive, lies, I could say creative, but for this experience is absurdly abusive and inhumanly psychotic. May present itself as an archetype of authority, God, Jesus, Goddesses, Buddha, Ex partners, Bosses, Satan, Aliens, Angels, Parents, etc so that you feel powerless. Which in that moment may very well feel true. This “Main Voice Entity”, orchestrates most of the experience. The main voice may very well emulate YOU. So while its orchestrating it is suggesting you (light images, memories, or actual “subconscious thought”) how to respond or placing false feelings.

The Scream: This one often sounds like a distant scream that repeats over and over. Usually negative. May be “fuck you” or “bullshit” or “you’re crazy” “you’re ugly” or something that means something to you. Tends to rhyme. At one point I called it Rumpelstiltskin. But repeats it over and over again. This one also tends to be melodic. So you may hear music like sounds off of running water or other ambient sounds like a fan or humming of a car. 

Voice(s) / Gang Stalking: So this one is difficult. One, being paranoid is natural in natural situation. Walking down a dark ally sure. Stepping out of your house to get some almond milk in broad daylight…. Not so much. The Voice Entity is an opportunitist and will exploit any situation. So if you think your Boss passed you up for a promotion it is going to maybe you felt down or depressed … angry…. This Entity Voice will make you go postal… Hopefully not literally.

So my theory is that The ONE Voice Entity controls the “many”. The one that sings, the one that screams in the distance, the one that says your name randomly, the one that make you think people in your life are out to get you (but hey who knows), the one that makes you think your being gang stalked, that the TVor radio is talking to you, talking to dead relativites or people far away, The one that makes you think you heard someone say some crazy shit and they didnt, the one that makes you think you are taking to goddesses or aliens. 

I can’t say what this…. Exactly… But that is what I have realized for myself. It doesn’t make it any less debilitating.

This post is just on voices I could go on about the whole experience. But it rarely ever makes any sense. So as with “targeted individuals” while I can relate with the experience and can see it relate with other experiences as well (spiritual awakening “purging” “dark night of the soul” or Kundalini symptoms and “surrendering”ect) there is always that one piece missing. 

Who, How, and Why?

“Higher self” and suicide?

Hypothetically: Would the “higher self” force the I guess “human self” into suicide?

Would the higher self actually say “tired of looking at you fucking up”? Cause wouldn’t that ultimately mean the “higher self” fucked up? 

Just saying.

I guess I am currently in an ocean of terms, ideologies, beliefs and practices ….. Overwhelmed and underwhelmed at the same time. Nothing fits just right. Does this belief make my butt look to big?

Yes. Yes it does.

Discernment has been so important. Because if I truly believed that this Entity was my ex, or God, or Satan…… I would not be here right now. And as much as I want to forgive this abusive being I also must remind myself of this fact.

Today yet another woman expressed having a very similar experience as I. I mean the white outs, choking sensations (not anxiety) as well as a voice calling her a bitch and saying “I’m leaving, I’m never coming back”. I am sure that’s the tip of the iceberg.  

This is soooo similar to the catch phrases that the Entity uses with me its almost scary.

  • “I’m fired” / “You’re fired”
  • I’m never coming back again
  • You will never see me again
  • I’m leaving / “Go Home”

These are just SOME of the catch phrases there are plethora of others depending on the theme or topic.

So why would two different people (women) on different sides of the world and from different cultures and with different symbols and language have an Entity telling them practically the exact same thing???

Hmmmm?????????????!

Por QUE!

I haven’t spoken to her directly to exchange any other notes. But Yea…… It is exhausting. I am glad she was able to position herself to at least stand her ground and know it is NOT her and she is NOT just schizophrenic……

As I said before I ….. I am (personally) where I have attributed all these “mystical” experiences (“angel” sparkles, shadows, spirits, telepathy, “voice of god”, aliens whatever) to this Entity. So…. My beliefs are kinda at a standstill …. But at the same time I look for information.

My only thing is does my exclusive experience with this Entity emulating them mean…. They do not exist? That’s why I try not impose of people too much. I mean whatever gets you through the day. But at the same time I’m about truth AND safety and when those things are compromised…… On a fundamental level….. The “self”….. What do you do other than hold space for each other? 

Allow one to draw their own conclusions with out imposing too much…..

Let Go and Let GodΒ 

9. You can stop a Kundalini awakening. Unfortunately the answer to this is also β€œno”. I have worked with a lot of people at this point who have been to well-meaning healers who β€œteach” people how to stop their Kundalini, or treat it as anything from a possession state to mental illness to an energetic aberration that must be β€œfixed”. This causes a lot of chaos, pain, and emotional/spiritual damage and trauma to the experiencer of the Kundalini awakening. What can be done is to process whatever is coming up, to surrender, to let go and let God, so to speak. There are specific tools that can be taught, understandings that can be had to come into better alignment and have a better relationship with Kundalini. Once you are out of your first three chakras things typically improve a bit, or at least are not so physical in scope, and you have a better perspective of the process. There are teachers, such as myself, who can help you learn these skills. There are also many healers, such as CranioSacral therapists, who remain in a neutral, witness state to help you process energy and the trauma, emotions, etc. that are coming up.

—————

I Google searched “how to stop Kundalini”, I found this article with much disappointment. Because I’m done. I’m over it. I want my life back….. Not like the things but my actual life. To get out of the coma…. “Cocoon” phase…. How long is a cocoon phase? Isolation and imprisonment are two VERY different things.

I wondered if I am having two different experiences at the same time. Both a natural “kundalini awakening” as well as an Entity attack. To my understanding Kundalini is when you have this over surge of energy and abilities…. Come into play. But wonder if both your abundance of energy and “abilities” just make you more appealing to whatever entities that have been hanging around. To either play around with or cultivate/ harvest somehow for their own gain. 

Just a theory.

I don’t know what else to say. I mean if I had/have and abundance of energy or natural abilities it would make sense that an Entity would want to use them for their own gain or get rid of me. But why? 

I try to be careful of the stories allow myself to believe but these are kind of facts at this point…. I have experienced a lot of “kundalini” like symptoms and this entity has tried to get rid of me or make me crack into insanity. 

I also caution myself from a Grandiose idea of who I am or know myself to be…. As I am a human clearly flawed and vulnerable. I always thought my super power was kindness and often jokingly called myself a Care Bear…. Because I knew how ridiculous it is to want to save the world. But I know my place and my limits.

Maybe I wasn’t protected enough…. I never had spirit guided or animals or angels …. Although it was fun to look up the symbology. 

Just a theory …. Entities lurking around waiting for you to go through our natural metamorphis for either gain or to snuff it out. Filling our minds with all kinds of stories and fears to distract us from our simple transformation.

Maybe thats why so many people are having these botched ass awakening…… I mean I can understand confronting ones fears….. But living in a purpetual state of fear? Having these commonalities among so many people loosing their shit. This Entity seemed like he had too much fun with this for this to be an Angel in disguise.

Just a theory. I am open To being and hope to God that I am wrong. 

“The Galactic Slave Trade” on YouTube

So I watched this and in short, I can see narcissists as possibly wounded empaths. I know in my own experience over the last year, I had to shut down a lot!!!! At some point I wondered if I am becoming a narc because I have to be sooooooooooo aware of myself, but also looking outside of myself for comfort. This Entity main goal is to shut me down…. Break me down… Numb…

I also have this whole other reality super imposed on top of my reality and it wasn’t until recently that I was able to see the subtle ways the Entity manipulated me and ultimately other people by imposing itself in my relationships. Its not easy. Which is why I opted out of dragging anyone along with me as much as I would love to have someone there to comfort me when things get really scary.

Honesty and authenticity has grounded me, not being afraid or assuming (or allowing the Entity to scare me into assuming) of how I may look to other people for my honesty has been helpful. So as someone who I guess would originally identify as sensitive and empathic this has been a hard hard road to walk and still maintain self…. Compassion. 

Again just been looking around. I’ve had to put down so many “beliefs” and interests that I normally drew inspiration from (creativity) just so I can deal with this Entity that twists EVERYTHING into a nightmare. That’s the first step in loosing yourself. 

I never really met a Narc before, I hadn’t looked it up until my ex (twin flame) and I broke up because I didn’t know if homeboy had hypnotized me in my sleep, or voodoo…. or something….. But a part of me died. I came across Narcs and empaths which lead me to twin flame. But essentially it was this Entity fucking with my emotions to trying to create this grand “play”. 

So I can’t even see if he is truly a Narc. I mean I had even questioned myself as one. But this Entity is beyond a psychopath and now I’m labeled/experiencing schizophrenia.

How can we show compassion for our Narcs with out compromise?….. Because somewhere down the line maybe they were just so sensitive/ emathic that they had to shut down.