“I AM Isis”: The Throne

When I first started hearing audible voices the Entities pretended to be my ex (false twin flame) an practically was forcing me to say “I am Isis”. Every day for almost a month the voice of my ex or a woman pretending to be an angel or his friend or something kept saying just say “I am Isis” and I mean Isis is cool. I know a lot of twin flames dig her.

When I was young my family gave me a lot of Egyptian children’s toys. And I always kinda loved mythology growing up. But these Entities definitely ruined that for me.

So in my twenties many of my friends were Caribbean mainly Haitian and Puerto Rican and so Ifa (Yoruba) and Santeria were things were talked about. So I also studied some of the mythology as well since many of my friends references these Gods and Goddesses as like some one would say Isis.

When I looked up the name of Isis, her name means. So Isis means “throne” in Egyptian mythology.

I never understood why they wanted me to call myself Isis. First they said I was in a past life, then they said it was code names, then it just got all really crazy and mixed up and scary.

Either way I was thinking yesterday about about something. One of the Entities who was dressed as an “Acturian” wrote in a photo “I test before I sit”, I told her I fail and she can have a seat somewhere else. One that didn’t feel very “Acturian” in nature and I don’t trust anyone now.

In Santeria and I believe in Ifa (might be called something different) called “mounting” which the Orisha takes over the human body. Usually these are designated ceremonies for this.

So the other day it’s like this experience and the name Isis and mounting all clicking for a moment.

My mind my body is a throne in which these entities sit who wish to be worshipped like Gods and or Goddesses. But unfortunately from what I SEE they are not. They don’t act like it, look like it and unless rape and migraines is Goddess status nah.

I can’t say how it is for other religions. I know Orishas have very specific ways they are suppose to act. So I guess I’m trying to understand where does my experience fall in all of this.


Frequency noise

So I was noticing it was day time. Family had the TV on and NO high pitch frequency sounds were coming through on my ears.

For a moment once I looked for it it came though and then went away. But it wasn’t there.

So at night when the TVs are FINALLY off I hear high pitch frequency sound and then some times a ringing in the ears that sound super close. Not to mention the voice that is ALWAYS screaming in the background about some πŸ’©.

So what it seems like NO PEACE .

The Entities need a consistent flow of sound to bounce off of. Be that white noise, frequencies, tv, a fan, people outside. I haven’t had silence for 3+ years. I guess it’s to break me down mentally and emotionally.

Just another observation.

I have an appointment with the ear doc to see if this stuff has to do with with the migraines.

I was hoping the lithium would help me feel well enough to be about to go for walks but I’m feeling jittery, a little light headed. Sooooo…..

my goal is to stop Voices AND or get back to the gym and in shape. And idk man these pills are something else. Something has to give.

Profound Life Event 😲

So this guy I dated said he. Went to Niagara Fall before making a big decision to move to NYC and beat depression because of his mom.

Other people will say God told them to do this or that. Or they saw signs to go this path……

And I guess IDK…. I am wondering what will and if there will be a proud moment in my life about this situation.

I just read that Schizophrenics are likely to live 20 less years than the average person. So that means all I have is 15 years left. 20 of which I spent my youth clawing my way out out poverty and bad relationships. And now I get to entertain demons for the last quarter of my life. πŸ˜”

This is really as good as it gets?

I was always humble and tried to stay with in my means. I don’t even know what I’m trying to say here other than I clinicly don’t have much longer ………. and these pills don’t even work…… and none of this spiritual hopla is making any difference and I’m just wasting away in a corner of my moms apartment that vaguely looks like a jail cell because of the sonji screens surrounding it and I’m over hearing about my ex and his life or my fathers penis or child molestation or being raped or how ugly and fat I’ve become.

Or how God doesn’t care or some twisted religious stuff. Or no one cares. Which is accurate because this is levels of fuckery no one could truly understand but God.

Where’s the turning point? It’s been 3 years… more if you count grooming by these demons.

I’m not brace or strong. I just have no choice in enduring. I begged God to please obliterate my soul. I don’t want exist in any life or plane or universe where these disgusting demons exist as well. I hope God will have Mercy on me and understanding. I don’t want to remember any of this ever or to play this game…. so it’s best to just not exist.

Spiritual Suffering πŸ˜₯

Shared with me from a fb forum on spiritual suffering:

Try and read it a few times.

Suffering Teaching

Hebrew word for suffer is “yagah”: grieve/AFFLICTED/torment

Greek word for suffer is “pascho” from word “penthos” which means sorrow/mourning/grief

Afflicted in Hebrew is “Ani” which means oppressed

Afflicted in Greek is “kakopatheia” which means suffering(experience of evil)/PERSEVERANCE

Kakopatheia: to experience affliction that seems bad (miserable) from an earthly perspective but in actuality is sent by God to accomplish His greater (eternal) purpose!! ❀❀❀


Luke 24:46

“Thus it is written, and thus it was necessary for the Christ to SUFFER and to rise from the dead on the third day”

Romans 8:15

“And if children, then heirs-heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we SUFFER with Him, that we may also be glorified together”

Suffering with Christ, for Christ. ❀

Philippians 1:29

“For to you it has been granted on behalf of Christ, not only to believe in Him, but also to SUFFER for His sake”

No one wants to truley suffer, but suffering for Christ and His Gospel is different.

Many in early church viewed martydom as a high calling and spiritual gift through which God would be made known.

Martyr: a person who is killed or suffers greatly for a religion

1 Peter 2:20

“For what credit is it if, when you are beaten for your faults, you take it patiently? But when you do good and SUFFER, if you take it patiently this is commendable before God”

Christ is the perfect example for everything in life-including the reality of “SUFFERING” and the Christian “response” to it. He endured and did not retaliate verbally, but did what was right!!!

1 Peter 2:21

“For to this you were called, because Christ also SUFFERED for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps”

Suffering wrongfully is commendable in God’s eyes.

1 Peter 3:17

“For it is better, if it is the will of God, to SUFFER for doing good than doing evil”

1 Peter 4:15

“But let none of you SUFFER as a murderer, a theif, an evil doer, or as a busybody in other people’s matters”



1 Peter 3:14

“But even if you should SUFFER for righteousness’ sake, you are BLESSED”

1 Peter 4:1

“Therefore, since Christ SUFFERED for us in the flesh, arm yourselves also with the same mind, for he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin”

If God’s people live according to His Word, they will not suffer as evil-doers but for their good conduct.

Because Jesus suffered for us and is sovereign, Christians should approach SUFFERING with “the same mind” (attitude/perspective) that He had-enduring it willingly and looking beyond the SUFFERING to God’s purpose.

God’s people will never “cease from sin” in this life, but SUFFERING for the sake of Christ has purifying effects and can increasingly free believers from sins power so that they may “live… for the will of God” rather than their own priorities.

Suffering should be expected for those who follow Christ. ❀❀❀

No matter what reason for suffering, God does use it-sometimes as discipline as it is written in Hebrews 12:5-11.

Here is a list of a few of God’s purposes of why He allows suffering

1. To train us in obedience (Hebrews 5:7-8

2. To produce patience (Romans 5:3)

3. To prevent pride (2 Corinthians 12:7-9)

4. To teach His ways (Psalms 119:65-75)

5. To prepare us to comfort others (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

6. To prove us

1 Peter 5:10

“But may the God of all grave, who called us to His eternal by Christ Jesus, after you have SUFFERED a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you”

Peter concluded by reminding readers that their sufferings are temporary and will serve to “perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle” them.

There is no shortcut to character, no detour around difficulty.

Hebrews 12:5-11

“And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as sons: ‘My son, do not despise the CHASTENING of the Lord, nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him; for whom the LORD loves He CHASTENS, and scourges every son whom He receives’. If you endure CHASTENING, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not CHASTEN? But if you are without CHASTENING, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live? For they indeed for a few days CHASTENED us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness. Now no CHASTENING sems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been TRAINED by it”

As one “endures” we should consider Christ (the Christians hope and greatest example of one who willingly obeyed God during suffering)

A lack of suffering is not a sign of favor but of illegitimacy. God, Our Father, does not allow His children to go about their business unchanged. Like a good parent, He disciplines His sons and daughters because He loves them deeply.

Training, discipline, and corrections are painful, but not permanent. God’s CHASTENING is the only sure way to obtain the peaceable fruit of righteousness.


Hebrew word: “yasar”: to discipline/correct

Greek word: “paideuo”: discipline/EDUCATE/train

“Paideuo” from word “pais” which means (a child under development with strict training)







Thus says the Lord!!!

His Divine plan. His perfect plan!!

As I suffer I am blessed with the fruits of His Spirit.

I am honored to suffer knowing that I’m now obedient to my Lord God Almighty.

Thank you!!!


Into words …. πŸ“ Sunken Place

I’m rarely the type that doesn’t know how I feel or why or have something to say about it.

My friend wants me to be a twin flame and says I am and I don’t think I am a twin flame or a light worker or a 144k (from the Bible) or any of that. I don’t feel awakened or enlightened. I’m just a partially possessed woman who is pissed off she experienced this.

So thinking about being “post” all these spiritual labels that seem to take the focus off of God I started to cry I couldn’t but I’m trying to find the words of how I felt. Embarrassed and sad, longing knowing none of the super powers will “awaken” my “twin flame” will never come back all the stories that got WAY the fuck out of control and the Entities took advantage of my naivety I just feel embarrassed and sad.

So while some of this was harmless at first it’s not helping now. The only thing that brings me some hope and joy is that the heavens (astral/ethers) will be destroyed and created a new as it says in revelations. It has to be true…. this has gone on for too long. And as much as I just wanted to enjoy life through Gods love, if God is not pleased with me I have no choice. I have begged for forgiveness, all I can do is hope it gets better for others.

It was such a strange cry, I’m sure these demons are drinking my tears as a mid night snack. I tried not to cry today….. but it happened. I know my mistakes….. this is the first time I haven’t been able to move forward to correct them.

So I’m just stuck…… in this sunken place with these Entities. And I just don’t know what to do in the time I wait. I feel like crap mostly so my attention is on that.

I don’t know if God is an ACTUAL entity like these fools. Ya know? Like I don’t know. I know humans give God such human attributes. And I can’t say I KNOW. But do I have to to give thanks?

So no BOOM super powers for enduring this pain….. that is an illusion, no twin flame return cause it’s bs ….. no enlightenment although I have a bunch of info I could have done with out. All is a distraction from God and my happiness. But I don’t know how to get back.



Mirror Mirror πŸ™‡πŸ»β€β™€οΈ

So I felt pressure on my forehead when I was in the bathroom and figured let me look at forehead and see if I see anything.

The Entity never really want me to look in the mirror. Every time I would look at the mirror the Entity would go off about how ugly I am and all the regular bull shit. So I just stopped looking in the mirror just to stop some of it cause I didn’t want to hear it but it’s kind of pointless because he still calls me ugly anyway.

So I stare at my face in the mirror and LOW AND BEHOLD I could see the little gecko looking Entity in the center of my forehead and all these flower and line patterns on the areas of my face that felt pain/tension.

So not only am I ACTUALLY cursed I have to look cursed as well!

I have also seen this on other people on tv I was just wondering if they had it. Not everyone does. But some actors I could see it on their skin.

So what’s the difference between me and them? They have flowers or little astral beings on the forehead….. they are actors living out their dreams and shit….. what’s the difference between me cursed as fuck and them living the dream?

Do they know there is an astral gecko spitting flowers all over their face? Do they hear voices too? Vile things? Does it hurt?

I don’t know!!!


Why God why?

Stockholm Syndrome: Falling in love with abuser.

So one thing I noticed when the Entities “moved on” or was trying to transition the topic of my false twin flame, was when I would see a reptilian like Entity with the body of say my ex (muscular) and the face of a reptilian. The Entity would try to make it seem like I was turned on by the Reptilian as I observed the outlines trying to make out what I was looking at. As everything else that’s NOT a turn on it would connect to my vagina and create a buzzing sensation to make it seem as if it is. (YOU HAVE NO IDEA how tired I am of raping and touching my vagina all day every day for 2.5 years!)

It wants to pervert love, God and all things good. Our good nature, or protective nature, our truth seeking nature.

I am tired of trying to make pain look beautiful. We romanticize our pain, create beauty out of torture in hopes that it might be less painful for another, and that our testimony is the end that chapter of pain painted with water colors of understanding that we picked out to say I survived.

But it’s still pain. It should be. It’s the whisper in an ear that turns a head to look at another a think they want to hurt them. To cause pain. It’s the feeling that we think we deserve this pain. To perpetuate pain. And essentially it is a lie.

I refuse to be in love with my abuser (these Demonic astral beings) or the idea of being abused. That “pain brings awareness” or some other lame excuse to perpetuate pain and lies.

Between “Dark” and “Light” πŸŒ“

The funny thing is that…… hmm ……

When I see astral Entities in the 3D realm there has to be a certain amount of light and darkness.

With my eyes I can see and outline or a ripple in space but usually not the whole form. Only on occasion and I never know why. Maybe closer to when I awake or go to sleep as that’s when brain waves change. My assumption.

I can better see them in photos as I can follow the lines a bit easier and examine but rarely with the naked eye.

I thought about this card in the tarot deck. A card reader said she wanted to speak to me and gave me a reading. This card came up and the woman asked me if I know what the bandages meant I originally said “protection” I guess I thought my world was being “opened up” to all these entities and I thought covering my eyes was a way to not see it.

But today I realized the bandages were …. are actually the matrix that is binding. It is the illusion. I was/am just so IN IT that I thought I was being opened to a another world. That this world was an illusion and what was happening to me would reveal another world …… maybe a better one πŸ˜₯.

So I can physically see the Entities that continue to bind me today between darkness and the light.

In a way the same it is a metaphor for my believes. While I believe in God, it was somewhere in the balance of observing darkness and light that I was able to say “hmm that does make sense”. These Entities play off your beliefs, if you are occult they will play off that if you’re fundamentally Christian or religious they will claim God and condemn you, if you are atheist or believe it’s a government …… they will act as military or aliens….. new age they will act as angels and spirit guide kundalini Awakening ……. and maybe it’s everything and none of it at all but the one underlying truth I found with them is pain and lies.

Not sticking to one belief and observing I saw how these particular Entities switched up the story on me so many times in a short period of time. Twin flame, Im Isis reincarnated, past lives, Then god condemning me then Satan then, then alien reptilians, the the list can go on and on.

So…… yea. I don’t subscribe to duality. I’m done with their games, and I pray my assumptions are wrong. But there are definitely levels to the sleep and I pray that everyone awakes from this slumber gently and peacefully.


Pretty Awakening 🌿🌷🌿

I wish I had a pretty “Awakening”, if that is what you would call this….. I call it a curse. Others they call it ascension or weakening or kundalini or dark night of the soul or plain ol schizophrenia or Demonic possession.

So many names for the event in which I life crumbles and it seems as if our mind and body has turned against us.

Why isn’t it pretty? Aside from the sparkles and flashes of light and curiosity…… everything else has been a living nightmare.

Where one woman spoke about “being overwhelmed with the power of God” that she and a room full of people started a spontaneously orgasming. I on the other hand saw it as spiritual rape. Every day all day. I hate it……… it’s embarrassing. It doesn’t feel God like it feels violating like you can’t pick my toe or my thigh?

I wish my Awakening looked like inspiration at least if not joy. Like a friend. Like meaning.

Instead it’s just been one long nightmare. Like isolation. Like confusion and lies. Like pain.

Some people say “you need to hit rock bottom” or “you need to nothing to appreciate what you have” bla bla actually I don’t think you need to go to those painful extremes in order to be grateful.

Some would even say be grateful for the blessing or the lesson. But this experience has been neither. It’s pointless mindless waste of time. All this “it will make sense in time”. Or maybe we will tell ourselves some lie to make us feel better that some fucked up shit happened to us.

I’m not with it. None of it makes sense and yet I’m kinda forced to try and understand these concepts to some degree because I’m smack dab in a “spiritual attack” or whatever. And it sucks.

Some say it could be worse I say don’t invalidate me and it could be a WHOLE LOT BETTER!

So who gets the pretty Awakening? The lightworker pretty light show with friendly angels and bla bla bla? Cause I have yet to experience that for myself. Maybe 1 or 2 times but again at this point I’m not sure what’s what and any experience now is suspect.

I see black flashes energy snapping in and out of my view, I hear it, feel it. It sounds like a fuse blowing like a light went out. And I suffer the consequences of living in this body.

This shit suck forever and always and I’m over it. I’m tired of seeing alien dinosaur gecko reptilian or trolls or demons or these black hair ball energy. Morphing faces creeping up on people in and photos and on people’s clothes and I’m just like what the fuck is going on?!? And I am not the only one who sees it but I’m the only one around me that does. And it’s pointless and annoying and distracting.

Every morning I wake up to being raped in that moment between dreams and telling yourself to wake up. It SUCKS!

Why does “Awakening” feel like being put asleep on ice? Is this more of the joke of opposite world?!?

I just want this to be over there is no point to this.

Duality and “Opposite World” πŸŒ“

A common theme that seems to play both in the “spiritual” and “occult” but also with in the mental health community and maybe most visible among schizophrenics is duality.

Dark vs Light

Good vs Bad

Truth vs Lies

Reality vs Illusions

I called it “opposite world” because this is how the Entity debased my reality. They would try to convince me that my ex loved me and this was a special connect but then say or do the opposite. And my ex wouldn’t say anything keeping radio silent. Hey wouldn’t say he did or didn’t love me leaving me as sacrifice to these Entities.

They would also say or try to convince me I was a child molester and then say “opposite” and that’s when I had to stop the car and get the fuck out and figure out where the fuck I am cause things where getting out of hand.

In our own minds we have a moral compass (most of us anyway), and to then have attempts made to convince us of the opposite we question. I think questioning HUH? Is natural in the beginning, believing we were bad people in a past life. Or even good people. The unknown is always an easy way to manipulate….. because truth is pretty simple.