When will the tears end? 😭

I was casually looking through my instagram. I was looking for a current photo where I had a ninja look going on. Then I looked at this photo and realized I had some of the same markings in my photos now that I had when I was a child.

Its like this flower portal thing. And I just cried because I don’t know why it’s here or why my life is being ruined because of it.

I was a child!

It had nothing to do with some past mistake I made that this demonic archon voice was trying to force me into suicide over.

This is so fucked up!

Advertisements

Soul Star Chakra 🌟: Archon Halo ☁ 👼 ☁

So…………. The Archon’s portal energy balls I see on peoples heads and including my own look like halos you see in paintings. Straight up, no bullshit….. They are not glowing but they can invert from dark in the middle to light/clear on the outside or vice versa considering the lighting situation inside.

Last year my “twin flame” therapist told me about the “soul star chakra” which is also known as the “halo chakra”.

Simple stated in the link above “Your 8th Chakra known as the Soul Star Chakra is located about 12 inches to 3 feet from the top of your head (just above your Crown Chakra). Your Soul Star Chakra contains infinite energy, spirituality, Divine Wisdom and compassion. Also known as the Halo Chakra it’s what you see depicted in the historic paintings of Jesus Christ, the Saints and other Divine Masters. This chakra is the essential bridge between your Higher Self/Soul Self in the higher dimensions of reality and your incarnated human self (your personality and physical expression of your soul in third dimensional reality).

As your Soul Star Chakra becomes activated and expands you’ll begin to feel a strong need to align yourself with your Soul’s Mission to finally BE what you know on deeper levels you’re here to BE.”

Only I magically got the opposite! Why I gotta get the Satan halo? Is it suppose to be painful? This painful? 

Many people are saying that yes the body has natural chakras … And 3rd eye and all this good stuff but for some reason these natural systems are being manipulated and information is being falsafied so they can take advantage of us. 

There is an overlay. And its so painful. Like why doesn’t anyone tell you hey as some point you gonna get a half and shit it painful cause inter dimensional entities will prolly suck up you brain juices. I need a manual for this shit. 

Imaginary Friend 🍃👻🍃

I had some “the gruge” like or alien raptor visuals in the begining ….. But I laughed at them …. So oddly my visuals are not AS strong although I have like floating emojis around the house which are odd and visions of child abuse or which is terrifying or random photos of people. 

I guess I am more stern because of the auditory …. Speaking creates more of a relationship. So it’s like one moment the voices would have me crying from saying moms gonna die, then sucidial from a sick visual of child sexual abuse and then trying manipulate me back into a friendly demeanor by making jokes or saying they love me. I realized this was a cycle of abuse. 

The Reconciliation /Honeymoon phase is “The victim feels pain, fear, humiliation, disrespect, confusion, and may mistakenly feel responsible. Characterized by affection, apology, or, alternatively, ignoring the incident, this phase marks an apparent end of violence, with assurances that it will never happen again, or that the abuser will do his or her best to change.” 

The first time I was introduced to this was when my best friend in high school told me that her mom would beat her, and then clean her wounds and tell her sorry and it won’t happen again and do it again. I asked my mom if she could live us but she couldn’t. 

Once I found this habitual pattern of abuse…. As much as those funny moments are so important for relief to the constant verbal abuse… To love and not hate…. To laugh….. I sadly had to accept that these voices will never change…. And I can no longer enable their abuse. Nor can I trust any attempt to gain my trust. 

This is called trauma. Not being able to leave a state of constant distrust or being on gaurd…… Physically harms the body in itself as well as how I interact with others. I’m trying to simply be clear and stern about my boundaries rather than be become a full blown narc. But it hurts and its hard because this is NOT my true nature. 

Sans the sick twisted abusive stuff…. I have no problem having an imaginary alien rapture friend that remixes gregorian music, plays air ghost tic tac toe and makes decent jokes given a natrual break in communication and with out pain from them touching me is gone.

Yea…. I am liberal about being crazy.

Copy Cat 🙀🙏 Smiley Face ☺

Above is a photo from a young girl in my schizophrenia group. We originally started speaking about her hallucinations in the group and she seemed so scared I told her to maybe draw them. To kinda face the fears, showing them she is not afraid. 

At first she was like no, but then some weeks later she started drawing them. And I was really proud of her for facing her fears.

She exolained this one is very different than what she normally sees. And I saw the same one again today as well. 

Some weeks ago my friend “sent me energy” and it looked like smiley face and flowers. I wrote about it in the blog. Her energy was very polite. When she brought her energy back to herself I knew. BUT the demonic energy here tried to copy the look of her energy signature and tried to seem like it was her. But know when it is not. There is always a slight difference from hers. Hers is brighter, faster, and moves. This demons is slow and dull and the smile is different. 

Now this girl drawing a version of the demonic version of this energy that I saw today and its making me upset. 1. Because I pray that its not this demon trying to fuck with her or me. 2. I feel like I should not be around ANYONE like I can’t care about anyone, help anyone with out some bullshit.

They asked me to be a moderator in the schiz group. Cause I give a shit about people and I want people to be OK….. But then things like this just makes me feel like shit.

Monster Logos ❤


Not all but many of the “energy”, entities, aliens, archons whatever you want to call them have a … Logo of sorts. I would assume, since they seem to be a hivr mind ad they attach to a humans individuality they long for that same separation. Thus a representation …. A logo of themselves of sorts.

Either way….. Each being…. Yes is individual in a way or for the moment…. And they CAN tether to you to sustain it self itself in whatever form that truly is. 

Just as they tether they can disconnect…. But who wants to find a new victim to learn? 

No I have seen “energy” or Entities that DID NOT connect to me physically and did not force itself to stay in my field or my home. 

I have to keep reminding myself there is a good spiritual world. And just because I have been forced to see this side that doesn’t make me a bad person for trying to understand and not leaving it to prayer alone. The Entities often try to guilt me…. Saying I’m a bad christian or something like that…. Because I donyt leave this to prayer alone. Again, Me, God, Meds. 

One of my friends told me about a story where she was in s parade in Chile and she fainted and then a shaman help her friend carry her to a place and then the shaman blew smoke on her back and pulled out like a teddy bear smoke logo. This teddy bear was a teather from an entity attempting to attach or hide in her. But was removed. 

Just like I had logos #, 👽, X, ❤  of all kinda stuff on arms and body. I can see but I can not remove them.

If I look directly where I know there is an “energy field” portal, alien demon whatever…. It will spew something at me…. It will sparkle maybe black maybe white and then I will see a smaller “portal” near me or a logo on my skin or my third eye. 

When I take photos of my face…. It legit looks like a child scribbled on my forehead. Especially the 3rd. I don’t know how long they last, or if they wash off in a shower… Or what. 

But sorry we want our people to be spiritually OK they need to know this shit good or bad.if you are walking around with a naked lady in your arua masterbating then that’s fucked up. That’s what I saw in this one guys field…. And he knew what I was talking about. I never a full figure before. 

I have no interest in playing with these entities…. Or anyone else for that matter when it comes to this. I seek to be free of the bullshit that is not me. Like this is basic shit. 

Butterfly Analogy 🐞

This whole “you’re a bitty caterpillar growing wings in cocoon to be a beautiful butterfly”. 

Like why are y’all telling fairy tales at 34 about my actual life? 

I was already an ugly duckling, then a lone wolf, now I gotta be a butterfly too to cope with the bullshit?

Like butterflies are hella cool but …….. I have no idea why this an analogy for the spirituality. In many ways I don’t want to know I’m gonna become a butterfly….. I want to know HOW I’m I suppose to build this cocoon. …. Best locations, what is it made out of, how long I have to be in their, what’s that pain in my back? Should I get that checked out by a doctor? Oh no right I’m stuck in a cocoon. 

Do we all become “butterflies”?. Does this pointless “spiritual” suffering guarantee that we all become butterflies or do some of us become moths only to be consumed by the fire? Or maybe the spongilla fly that’s not as beautiful as the renowned butterfly. 

Spongilla Fly cocoon

What am I missing here? 


Black Obsidian: Root Chakra

So last night that insane “root chakra” vibrating rumble, burning, pin prick almost feels like my core is being yanked out…yea that feeling happened and so I put this obsidian on my vagina (non sexual yall, sorry its the demons fault I even think like that now).

Uhm it didn’t stop the vibration because then it just intensified… But it seems like it diverted it for a little while from directly with my cells. 

The virbatiin happens from the thighs all the way to the vagina area…. Sometimes a little further up into the actual reproductive system…. Sometimes feel like and empty yanking….. You know when your stomach growls… It feels like that but then a yanking sensation.

I know its one of those portal archon disks that’s doing this to me. They can get big or small…. Right small enough to be on the clit area and super annoying or large enought to include my thighs. I put my hand down there and usually it stop it but this time it was  so strong I could feel the buzz with my hand. 

I have used my thighs to squeeze it out more times then I have the energy for. Some say its “kundalini”. But can you actually push kundalini out if its naturally part of your spiritual body? 

Also there is no progressions to it. Kundalini I thought was suppose to progress in come way. 

I have had “kundalini” like sensation go up my back, very similar to to the root chakra…. But that always feel like a leaving sensation. 

It doesn’t make me feel good. I don’t like it I have no idea what’s going on….. Or why or the point of it all.

I just feel violated. I’ve never violated anyone. Ok maybe tickling my sister.

Either way the crystal didn’t help. Yes I cleaned them. Everyone keeps telling me to use crystals and so far they are only beautiful objects. A security blanket in the freezing winter.

——-+

UPDATE Google Doc SearchDoctor diagnosed Vibrating Vagina. I finally got the nerve to ask my doctor about the vibrating/humming sensation in my vagina. … He said the sensation is due to blood flow. The blood flow can cause turbulence which results in the vibratingfeeling.

———

I mean blood flows….  But in that way there is a stimuli like when you are with a lover…. Or there is a threat to the body. So just blood flow is not a good enough answer for me. But it is ONE biological answer. When I would squeeze my thighs until I heard a crunch I would see the fast clear circle shoot out from legs. 

Sometimes I wonder if I’m fucking myself up more than these aliens are just trying to figure out what’s happening to my body and why I don’t feel connected to it. 

Idk. I hate this. 

Spiritual Bypassing Revisited. 😲😲😲

So spiritual bypassing. 

We are basically saying that if you don’t get almost literally spiritually jumped and cosmically punched in the face that you don’t get the badge of honor of being “inept”. To………… What? 

Do y’all see how we are perpetuating abuse even through our spiritual communities. 

We allow these “spirits” entities to cause harm and then run around thinking its an honor….. And we are enlightened. 

GUYS FUCK THAT!

FUCK THAT TODAY AND TOMORROW AND FOREVER FUCK THAT!

Basically you are enabling cosmic spiritual bullying.

And we are suppose to grow from that?!

Think about how fucking backwards that is? 

Its perpetating abuse.

If someone is in an abusive relationship do you tell them to stay in the relationship and forgive them while they are being beat? 

A lot of these people going around talking about accept the dark and light…. And spiritual bypassing never been raped by some random ass entity and then being told to forgive them. Forgiveness is a process. And protecting ones self is the first step. Abuse stopping is the first step. 

And forgiveness is a choice. 

I’ve always been like this. Ever since school. School is forced… Information forced…. Most of its a lie to perpetuate ignorance. Most of its not useful and most what actually learn and find useful is on the job you are forces to engage in to survive. 

Let’s really rethink the spiritual concepts we spew out. All we are doing is excusing entitities, energies, demons, whatever to play a roll in our lives, and there shouldn’t be any. They made their choice. And they keep making their choice the more you allow them to “punish” or abuse us senselessly which only enables their bad behavior.

Its not a badge of honor….. It’s ignorance. 

🙏

The Lies

The body needs fresh food, clean water, and air….. Light.

We have created a hierarchy of physical, mental and spiritual health.

To those who can afford it….  Or have been afforded the information.

We live in a completely different spiritual era. And I have had to wade through A LOT of info…. Just to get a speck of some truth.

I believe in hard work…. But I also believe hard work is not hard work when you have found your joy. Hard work is not hard work if we work smart and not hard.

If something doesn’t work then spinning the wheels is useless. Its just going through the motions. To execute a plan that is smart, authentic (in alignment with one’s self) and effective then there is and deep understanding …. Knowledge of what those steps actually are and how they will be effective.

This beyond being vegan…  And not smoking, meditating every day.

This is about knowing and not knowing.

So……………

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑