Running on Empty

So I don’t regret dropping everything to figure out what was/ is going on with me. BUT I am kind of stuck or at a stalemate.

I’ve studied every way of possibly looking at the situation. I’ve taken their medication checked all my vitals. Prayed……

But I have to admit I’m stuck. I’m not sure where or how to start to address this and that’s not my nature. If anything I am normally a fixer or a problem solver so not being able to create a plan out of this situation is truly torture. I’ve exhausted all options and running out what little patience I already have.

The only thing keeping me going is a story of what this COULD be but at this point they are so absurd and ridiculous that’s becoming a bore.

None of that is bringing me closer than to my goal of happy and healthy.

I keep envisioning myself loosing weight again at the gym dancing biking being social creative independent working but idk…..

Everything depends on these demons leaving. They are so heavy and painful. When they would try to possess me they would joke and say ” she can’t even hold me lol”.

So ………. I can try hard or even smart. But I’m not sure if my efforts will be worth it unless paired with Gods grace.

And not even sure what to do in the mean to cope other than sleep as to not be conscious to the GROSS thoughts they implant.

I feel guilty for not being active or as active as I want to be. The most I can do is find others online like me and try to be of comfort and service that way. To know they ….. we are not alone and they are strong… but I share my raw vulnerability in hopes that I find away to make changes… soon.

That’s the best I can do.

I’m trying my best.

Deep breaths 😔

Advertisements

Matrix: Astral: Second Life

If you ever built something in the game called second life (I haven’t played in years) but the astral almost seems to have the same concept 2D and 3D like 3D modeling.

There is also something that would happen in the game called “griefing”. Where some nerd would drop a box or item somewhere which would release all of these images or items “lagging” or slowing everyone down or essentially “crashing” the game for everyone.

That’s almost like what I feel like is happening to me and others. An astral grief. Only it’s real and it hurts and I don’t get to crash and teleport somewhere else I’m just sitting in it …….. in pain.

The grief is energetic. And the more it disrupts my energy field the hard it is for me to walk or live. To think or be.

But each grief is and ACTUAL thing it’s not invisible, maybe to the naked eye……. but it can be a dot a bunch of, it can be a projection of an Entity, it can be images outline, so many different things but it’s a thing (vehicle) with a purpose (curse or bless) in my case curse the shit out of me or GRIEF.

Kinda glad I geeked out on that game for a while and learned how to build and not just shop. Helped me understand how these Entities move around and do what they do. How the they build themselves up.

Mantis Problems 🐜

So…………. I think one of my main problems is a Mantis / Mantid problem. In an article on Gaia.com they identified them as shapeshifters which would make sense as to why I was seeing so many different characters. I mean they literally have a bag full of tricks. They can look human with enough “light magic” or like a classic grey alien. I have seen Sunglasses and Masks they put on. They seem to be made out of Ether. Ether …. is malleable. If anything it’s keeping it together that is the real art.

Either way, these assholes had a bunch of babies in my house and I’m losing my mind. I am not sure what my relation is in this process. But I feel like I died a thousand times. I mean if you are a good being, and you need help like JUST ASK!!!!! Whats with all this nasty shit? JUST ASK and be nice and decent!!! People donate blood right? Food? Money? time? resources? So if these beings needed something so bad all they had to do was ask! and make some sense about it. And trust that I would use my own guidance. and if I said no move along. There are plenty of hippies out here willing and able. And now I’m sitting here feeling like death barely able to write and take a crap in a day.

Like it had to be 100’s of babies. And I’m not sure if they put another load in.

I am not even sure if they are the ones acting like Reptilians or Shadow people or Trolls since they can shapeshift.

Side note: The reason they like TV is because it’s predictable especially with commercials. They love pop entertainment for some reason. And I seem to be apart of it.

My friend said to get Organite towers to get rid of them but I don’t want to pay for yet ANOTHER thing that will disappoint me and waste money I don’t have. They aren’t cheap range in $30 for a small one the size of my palm to $100+ for one the size of a small statue.

So why they are connected to me I don’t know. Babies? Energy food? Pure delight and entertainment? They hate humans? False sense of control? They did try to say they were God more than like 1000 times, especially after I rejected the whole Isis and Osiris bit. I was like do you know how many bitches out here think they are Isis reincarnated? maybe I just don’t understand how reincarnation works. But from my knowledge at the time they then moved on to the Big G.

Side note: I think an entity or entities use different frequencies for different things. Like light frequency is for movement, radio waves for sound and speaking. I’m not sure but you get my drift that maybe each wavelength if they tap into it allows them partial access. People are super concerned about Wifi and EMF and I’m not too sure where they lay on the spectrum or how they interact with the body I know people say its harmful to the body but I’m not sure how they interact on a spiritual or metaphysical level.

So I believe that’s one Large chunk of my issue is the Mantid’s. I just don’t know how to get rid of them or why they are here in the first place.

I’m not going to make this too long but I’m pretty set on that being a consistent part of this experience. And they tend to hide behind people (humans), or images of idols, or masks. So it makes a lot of sense.

Now on to WHY THE FUCK DID THEY RUIN MY FUCKING LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

deep breath……….. deep breath…….

 

False Light: Marked

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Revelation+13&version=KJV&interface=amp

—————

I read revelations for the first time and unfortunately it made sense to me in a different way. Even though the Entity kept trying to say I was the slithering whore the whole time (one reason why is difficult to read the Bible) 🙄. And then there is so much imagery that that also gets difficult.

I mean as I have been opened to the a reality of astral/ and Demi urges or whatever you want to call it 4D or demons/ fallen angels/ false gods ….. much of the war seems to be in the “heavens” but of course we are affected. We are apart of it as well.

I never new evil was SO real. Like I thought there was like bad and evil people like Hitler or something. But it’s so much deeper what takes over humans. I thought monsters were just of the imagination.

But revelations says there will be a new heaven and that makes me happy. I told these demons all their toys were going to be taken away.

It also talks about men having the mark of the beast on their forehead and I know for a FACT these beings are always on my forehead (I have photos). So I guess I’m marked which kinda makes me sad, cause I know I messed up but I didn’t think it was that bad. They are on my forehead and in my eyes and on my hands and in my heart and tummy and genitals and they wiggle my toes…. they are in my home on my walls …. under my bed…. in my bathtub…….. I saw the white mist enter my home and I had hoped it was help…. my prayers answered…. but it was just more astrals setting up my house.

I don’t know anything….. I’m just describing what I’m going through.

But it was deep. The Entity voice is always bringing up my mistakes and asking me if I what I think about this or that. Then asks me about child abusers….. and my answer is always no. And I know I’m not suppose to judge it’s not for me to but if you ask me it’s a no. It’s fucked up and ruins lives.

Either way I hate this. All of it. I try to “stay positive” and be like aww look at the cute little demons and not judge them on how they look but how they treat me ………. but I hate it ….. all of it always.

And I’m not use to worshipping God from a place of fear but of thanks. Fear of going to hell or being sucked up in this Demonic matrix. But of thanks…… so I’m just trying to stay true to me and what feels right to me…. which that doesn’t.

I guess it was deep for me.

Stranger Things: Lizard Tongue


So believe it or not I had no idea what a lizards tongue look like until a few moments ago. 

I guess I always thought they looked like snake tongues. 

So I’m kinda freaked out not super freaked out but how could my mind draw from information it doesn’t know and create an image?

All the reptilian drawings I did are from what I saw not what I know. Which where these gecko looking things with the sucky tongue. That’s why I always have a difficult time accepting this as my just my brain. 

I just never had an interest in reptiles. 

So……… Now what? 

Someone told me to put peppermint oil and it will repell the reptilkuans but its not really working that well. Everything seems to treat a symptom but not the situation as a whole.

Being ignorant can work to a benefit. I guess sometimes.

Idk what’s happening anymore. 

Copy Cat 🙀🙏 Smiley Face ☺

Above is a photo from a young girl in my schizophrenia group. We originally started speaking about her hallucinations in the group and she seemed so scared I told her to maybe draw them. To kinda face the fears, showing them she is not afraid. 

At first she was like no, but then some weeks later she started drawing them. And I was really proud of her for facing her fears.

She exolained this one is very different than what she normally sees. And I saw the same one again today as well. 

Some weeks ago my friend “sent me energy” and it looked like smiley face and flowers. I wrote about it in the blog. Her energy was very polite. When she brought her energy back to herself I knew. BUT the demonic energy here tried to copy the look of her energy signature and tried to seem like it was her. But know when it is not. There is always a slight difference from hers. Hers is brighter, faster, and moves. This demons is slow and dull and the smile is different. 

Now this girl drawing a version of the demonic version of this energy that I saw today and its making me upset. 1. Because I pray that its not this demon trying to fuck with her or me. 2. I feel like I should not be around ANYONE like I can’t care about anyone, help anyone with out some bullshit.

They asked me to be a moderator in the schiz group. Cause I give a shit about people and I want people to be OK….. But then things like this just makes me feel like shit.

Spiritual Bypassing Revisited. 😲😲😲

So spiritual bypassing. 

We are basically saying that if you don’t get almost literally spiritually jumped and cosmically punched in the face that you don’t get the badge of honor of being “inept”. To………… What? 

Do y’all see how we are perpetuating abuse even through our spiritual communities. 

We allow these “spirits” entities to cause harm and then run around thinking its an honor….. And we are enlightened. 

GUYS FUCK THAT!

FUCK THAT TODAY AND TOMORROW AND FOREVER FUCK THAT!

Basically you are enabling cosmic spiritual bullying.

And we are suppose to grow from that?!

Think about how fucking backwards that is? 

Its perpetating abuse.

If someone is in an abusive relationship do you tell them to stay in the relationship and forgive them while they are being beat? 

A lot of these people going around talking about accept the dark and light…. And spiritual bypassing never been raped by some random ass entity and then being told to forgive them. Forgiveness is a process. And protecting ones self is the first step. Abuse stopping is the first step. 

And forgiveness is a choice. 

I’ve always been like this. Ever since school. School is forced… Information forced…. Most of its a lie to perpetuate ignorance. Most of its not useful and most what actually learn and find useful is on the job you are forces to engage in to survive. 

Let’s really rethink the spiritual concepts we spew out. All we are doing is excusing entitities, energies, demons, whatever to play a roll in our lives, and there shouldn’t be any. They made their choice. And they keep making their choice the more you allow them to “punish” or abuse us senselessly which only enables their bad behavior.

Its not a badge of honor….. It’s ignorance. 

🙏

Triggered: Goddess Isis 🐝

As I said before when I was a kid my family gave me a lot of Egyptian stuff. Books, kits, games, writing stuff, art …. going to the museum. So it was something that always stuck with me.

But the Demonic Archon was forcing me to say “I AM Isis” and then called itself Osiris (my ex twin flame) and was raping me and calling me a child molestor and then forcing me to be christian and then trying to force me into suicide (“for my twin flame and dying of molestation”) and just all kinda shit. Just fucked up shit. 

And so like you know shit comes up on Facebook about goddess…. Like whatever …. But it Isis came up a few times today and I feel triggers. Like something that was special to me…. Has been defiled. it just reminds me of rape. That was something my family gave to me.

They rape visions as Isis…. Where fucked up. Like idk.

I don’t know what the point of all of that was or is.

So…. Whatever. 

Kundalini: Reversals 👆

This is from a Kundalini teacher ChrisM in a group I am in. I like his style. He doesn’t get all distracted with showmanship…. Razzle dazzle. And is usually straight to the point. Which I appreciate…. Cause I’m still “reclaiming my time” after all this demon shit. 

Either way here is the beautiful dialogue:

Chris M: If you are working with me or the information that comes through me I will advise you not to partake of information sources such as channelers. Or mediums or sorcerers and reiki practitioners. All these are subject to extreme distortion due to entity corruption. – chrism (to the group)

Me: I really didn’t want to part take but I wanted to understand what is/was happening to me. And I agree that many have a limited understand of what they are playing with or distorded views.  Still have yet to figure out how to rid my body of these perversions. Big sigh.

ChrisM: do the reversals continuously.

Me: Sorry where are the reversals? I read the (kundalini) safeties and some other stuff.

Chris M:

The Crucible of Reversal

You may have in some way opened yourself and your energetic proximities to the access of other consciousness or entities. In some way through a belief system or a practice, you have allowed certain safeguards to be eliminated from your personal space. Just as people can allow another person into their body so can a person allow these safeguards to be removed.

So you may wish to do a review of what practices you have been involved with that may have allowed this to occur. It can be a teacher who has not disconnected or a healing modality that encourages entity contact. Some of the Reiki formats have these characteristics where a person is encouraged to open to the “Universal Healing Masters” who can turn out to be entities just waiting for that opening. A session with a medium or a desire to channel can have these results. It can be a session with a psychic who is still connected to you or some forms of psychic intervention or healing.

So reach back into your experience past or present and see if you can locate a modality or person or school or teaching that helped you to “open” to the spirits of the multiverse. Ask your spouse to do the same as these can be shared events as well. See what comes up.

If nothing does then this can be an opportunity for you to experience the expression of a “Crucible of Reversal”. In essence you become a crucible of change for any entity that comes into your being. This takes effort on your part and will involve some uncomfortable experiences at first. As you begin to solidify your strength and mature your ethical standards as to include what and how you choose to feel and think and see. The entities that come to you will become transformed by their contact with you. In other words you turn the tables on them and you become the trap for them. As they come they get burned in the crucible of your body, awareness and consciousness. They are transformed by the strength of your intention and the total commitment to the ethical standards that you choose to exude.

This takes a supreme commitment on your part and may be the only reason you are even reading my words. You take the negative and force it by its contact with you to become positive. You change it. I have had to do this and it is effective. It takes commitment and practice, and a willingness to become a walking, talking, fountain of joy. Eager to change the aspects of expression for all who come into your sphere of influence. This includes your body and its environs.

For instance. Sometimes I would have entities of a dark or hurtful nature come to me and command me into the action of killing a person. An older person or a child or whomever. I wouldn’t do it. But upon awakening from this experience I would know that “This day I am to help an older person or a child or whomever”. In this way every hurtful intention or idea or plan or experience or feeling of illness was rewarded with a positive, intention based, balancing of that idea or experience or issue. In the physical real time.

Follow through is the most important action in this scenario. To take it from the astral to the physical makes the interfering entity part of a physically based plan of goodness and helpfulness and love. Many of the dark ones will not enjoy this and they leave. The good ones don’t invade you anyway so there is a balance and an increase of the vibrational expression that you give off. This in turn strengthens your field, which in turn makes it harder for entities to attach and so forth.

Add Kundalini to the crucible after you have stabilized it as a continuous and a solid expression of your life, twenty four seven, with action based experiences of reversals and you become very gifted and very strong. So this in and of itself may be the beginning of a school of activity for you. It’s not easy at first but becomes second nature with practice and follow through. – blessings –

Photo of what I usually see

Like this is the most obvious photo I have taken. I would zoom in or not have it on a white background or in bright lights so your eyes can adjust. Im trying to look at it now in my bathroom lights and all I see it a black photo. 

If I’m totally bugging let me know. 

The photos of what I drew are here. I have seeming them for 6+ months. I think one or more contribute to the schizophrenia.