Spiritual Abuse πŸ”ͺπŸ”«πŸ’£

There is no reason to be spiritually attacked there is no excuse. That’s like a rapist saying she asked for it because wore a short skirt. Fuck THAT!

Victims of spiritual/astral abuse will blame themselves. They will say, “I deserve this because I lied when I was 12 years old” or something just as ridiculous. We seek peace and that’s the easiest route than grabbing at air. But we seek NOW. Dwelling on the pasts on shortens our time in becoming the person we wish to be the best versions of ourselves. 

Our capitalist system says “you are not enough!” , so by this product and subscribe to this lifestyle. Spirituality /religion says you are not enough, you didn’t pray enough, you did something bad, some past life bullshit generational curse, that you didn’t meditate enough, that you didn’t eat organic enough. In relationships, we feel like we aren’t pretty enough, or doing enough or have enough money or enough love or trust. 

So it is NO WONDER these astral parasites …. Spiritual abusers go on to say YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH. You’re ugly, fat, skinny, stupid, crazy, no body likes you, you have no friends, kill yourself, no money, you are not good at what you do, you don’t know what you are doing, you need our guidance, unlovable, unworthy, you’re an addict, you will never understand, you don’t have knowledge. 

You will never be enough, when you are! 

I am a complete being. I have my own “dark” and own “light”. I grow as needed. Forced “darkness” or this bullshit “dark nigbt of the soul”, is abused pushed by astral parasites. Saying it’s because you did this or that, that YOU weren’t enough is excusing this program and act of spiritual violence. Finding peace and “learning from” the abuse is the gift we give ourselves to cope and to heal. We weave stories of some past life karma, a curse, blame ourselves. “This happened to me because…………….” 

Outside of that we are excusing unseen and intangible abuse. By subscribing to this idea that pain is our greatest teacher, is superficial and more than likely you never been in a full blown psychic attack.
You are saying our current system, all system are fine as is and should operate and function with no change.

This whole you “change your reality” is bullshit. You know how hard I’ve fought?!? All this law of attraction, most people want car, money love. I want the change, justice, peace, safety for all people! 

NOTE: The demon suggested pain and my smoking cigs (cause you devils advocate). Now do I know smoking is bad? Yes. Do I wish to change that? YES. Do I think I should be raped everyday by some demon for going on two years? NO.
Whatever. But I’m the crazy one.

Fuck this demon! 

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Crazy Talk: Jelly Monster πŸ‘»πŸ’”

So I can see the effects of the demon, I can feel them, hear them, but I can’t see the actual demon that’s conducting it. 

I believe that many healer are able to remove the effects but not the actual entity. Maybe some can. But none of the ones I went to. 

So, I see this jelly monster (looks like a clear slimmer) that moves around me. I state previously in my blog that, I don’t think this is the entity but the “energy” it sends kinda like and extension of sorts it copies. Its not easy to see but I see it. I think its the same “energy” that screams repeatedly, mimics other peoples voices and music, repeats what I say, the gives me tremors and that can copy cat emotions like anxienty or headache, intense tension, feeling ill, being high. Prolly other things too like images/vision. Almost like AI intelligence toy, but its not the main and I feel like its being controlled. 

Today I was wondering HOW did the entity pull off things like knowing when my ex (false/ twin flame) was going to call, or what song he was going to send me, when the cat took my chair and I wasn’t in the room. And a few other “prediction” or plain old’ nosiness. 

Either way. My assumption is that this jelly monster was being nosey with my ex or attached to my ex. Something maybe like that. And that’s how it copied his voice and knew info. Some people call it “attachment cords” this one looks like a clear jelly vibrating blob thing that moves around at medium speed in and out of vision some times sparkles if its close by like on my head. But then I’m like how the fuck did the jelly monster get to the edge of Brooklyn? Like it legit floated 20 miles?

πŸ’©πŸ‡πŸŠπŸš†πŸš„πŸš…β“‚πŸšˆπŸš•πŸš˜πŸšœπŸš βœˆβ›΅πŸš€πŸšβ‰

I hope my ex wasn’t harmed in any way. In the beginning I did so many “cord cutting meditations” because I just wanted whatever this was gone. I blamed my ex, i did. But I kept away from him so this demon wouldn’t make another game out of it. I’m pretty sure he is OK and doing fine. But if he went through a fraction what I went/ going through….. I am so sorry, even though none of this was my fault. I never sent ANYTHING to him in any way. Only trying to get through my own heart ache to move on.

Either way. That’s my theory of the jelly monster I have been seeing floating around the house or stuck in the bathroom. 

Crazy shit right? πŸ™

God……….  Why did I have to get the crazy one? 

I feel like I need a blunt and I don’t even like smoking. 🌴

Schizo + Disassociative Identity 😱 (+spirituality)

So I quickly read through this article on Disassociative Identity Disorder by buzzfeed. 

As I was reading through it I had this notion while I was trying to fully understand if the “personalities” are acted out or if they are observed. I know of a lot of people who also have “black outs” or periods of time they don’t remember.

Prior to “becoming officially schizo”, there was a period in time where I started to not feel “like myself”. I even told my ex twin flame. I didn’t know if it was because I never dated men prior. 

I just felt Angry, really really angry, mistrusting, paranoid, obessesive, lustful.

I could not accept this change in personality. I tried every method to reconcile these feelings with in myself. Lol spells that didn’t work. I couldn’t talk to my twin flame openingly so it only made things worse.

In short I feel like prior to schizo, my “personality” change could have been a disassociative identity and the more I resisted the worse it got, until I cried and cried and cried and cried, and boom full on 24/7 none stop schizophrenic.

On the spiritual aspect to this was that it almost feels like a spiritual possession of sorts was happening slowly or I was unaware, and I restisted so much. I kept questioning always “why don’t I feel like me”, and those “spirits” demon alien whatevers had been stalking me for a while. So when I resisted so hard, looking for answers reading, shamans. And finally…. There it was….. Even through the schizo I resisted resisted and here right now to tell you, cause if I didn’t I would be dead. 

Its like because I wouldn’t fall for full possession (disassociative identity) it aimed for schizo (demon haunting), and went to the worse thing in the fucking world as torture (sexual violence, molestation) as a mode to get me dead or locked up or just plain old looking crazy, something not good.

Idk that’s what came to mind from my side of the story. I have no idea why these things are here or choose to torture me. 

http://bzfd.it/2xXx1pA

Why Unrequited Love Killed Me. πŸ’”

I had a love. A great love. I will always cherish. We had a 6 year relationship and still till this day remain good friends. I call him my soul mate. I thought we would be married but since we were queer it never was a big deal to me.

After our break up. I started dating men for the first time. It was a bit disheartening. They were liars or aggressive. 

I met who I call a twin flame (for name sake) and never felt so insecure in a relationship. I didn’t know what we were, I didn’t know how to act and I felt like I was constantly being tested. Which is not my steeez. I don’t test people so I in return expect the same.

There was just so much material and insecurity for this Entity to play off of to manipulate.

People say “you have to love yourself first”, and I do. I mean we all have our ups and downs it’s natural. But I do. I was more heart broken that I did not, could not or haven’t found the reflection of myself. 

I get glimpses here and there. But something comes in and skews it. Usually it is lack of clarity, that lack of clarity or the refusal to do so leads to insecurity. And that insecurity feeds the beasts that lurk hunting for a victim to control.

Essentially, if I felt secure in the relationship with my twin flame the Entity would have never been able to play off of him.

Unrequited love, the insecurity of not seeing the love that I gave reflected back essentially cause my death, spiritual. My innocence was mutilated, sanity diminished. 

I finally became a reflection of the world. 

The Ex Factor (Twin Flame)

So while I know for a FACT, that this delusion has nothing to my ex who I thought was my Twin Flame.

I mostly came to the concept of “twin flame”, through first looking up if I was hypnotized secretly, then stumbled upon the whole idea of narcissist and empathy relationship. I didn’t feel like myself in the relationship…  I felt a rage I never felt before. I didn’t feel pretty to him, these were micro ways. Like calling women on TV hot but never me. At times I only felt like a fill in for sex until he found someone else. 

There were many other micro reasons. But for the most part I had come out of a long loving relationship prior, and so when I was met with these emotional hurdles I became enraged because I thought they were tests or mind games. Why would you have sex with someone you didn’t find attractive?

I have mentioned this before in my blog, but “the voice” entity pretended to be my ex twin flame. And later acted as telepathy, quietly saying “I love you” and when I approuch my ex about this he had no idea of what in was talking about. From there it was a spiral, at first I rejected “my feeling” but soon accepted that maybe this was a love I didn’t understand. And from there it got worse.

Once I realized that no I was not Isis and no my ex was not going by the name Osiris to work on telepathy between us, the Entity acted as an angel said “what do you want?” I said nothing as it guided me prior to say. It asked me all day, house, car, money…..  So I finally said a big house just so it would leave me alone, and it said “who would want a house in this economy? what about ….. (Your ex’s name)” . so then I said fine whatever to make it stop. And then it turned into a nightmare about my ex making bets on me loosing more weight while he was in a relationship with someone else. (There is more to it but essentially it was fucked up).

Currently, I know for a FACT this is not direct telepathy with my ex. My ex has nothing to do with other than being a typical male I dated. I know my ex is not a prize for enduring this bullshit. I am pretty neutral in my feelings for my ex. The only thing is his involvement in “the story” enforced by the entity to make me feel bad. I have no interest in thinking about my ex at this level. 

And yet, the Entity insists on flashing images of him. Or how do I say this…. I guess tries to string me along as if my ex IS in fact a prize and we will get married. But the intesity of belief is not mine and i often find myself taking a deep breath to just get through it. It actually physically hurts when this Entity enforces these feelings for my ex. My head hurts, chest hurts, I’m annoyed. I don’t know to explain it. 

But at the same time the Entity says he is with another woman who is hotter than me and will be with her. Trying to makes it seem like I’m still obsessed with him and I’m not. I’m tired of talking about him. I have no idea what’s happening in his life. I haven’t seen him in almost two years and haven’t spoken to him in over a year, which I normally stay friends with you ex’s and I had to block him because of the entity. I’m constantly tormented about this past relationship to no end for no reason. 

Its annoying. I can’t even date cause this is all making me feel like shit. 

The formal psychological term would be Erotomania in which an individual “believes that another person is in love with him or her. This belief is usually applied to someone with higher status or a famous person, but can also be applied to a complete stranger. Erotomanic delusions often occur in patients with schizophrenia and other psychotic disorders, but can also occur during a manic episode in the context of bipolar I disorder. During an erotomanic delusion, the patient believes that a secret admirer is declaring his or her affection for the patient, often by special glances, signals, telepathy, or messages through the media.”

In my case or in the Twin Flame case, its a bit of the opposite. Yes you believe there is a special connection, BUT you also feel that the person is hiding their true feelings for you and you must endure suffering or you haven’t met them yet. “The runner/chaser”, “narc/empath” relationship dynamic.

So, on behalf of many who have had the misfortune of a “Twin Flame” experience, and to those who make money off of heartbreak, grief and insecurity in the spiritual community. I invite you take a good look at that description. 

What are you selling people?

Twin Flame Activation? Hm?

Its like 80’s soul mates wasn’t enough, we had to take it step further in the delusional realm of psychosis in the millinia. 

I can see both the psychological and spiritual aspects of MANY of these experiences fairly quickly, but not the scientific, not the how or even why. Just what.

I can among, race, religion, mythologies, beliefs, conspiracy theories, class, sex gender, mental health, psychology, environmental, science a WIDE ASPECT, of how we are all a bit delusional (possibly via entities). And then there is THE DEPTH, to what extent do we believes these things? 

Enough to kill, oppress, misguide, profit?

Or was the the ways in which we built simple structures in the world then taken WAY OUT OF HAND, and we are sitting here running in circles trying to find a truth or impose it.

Contradictions 😊. 

Ex – Factor

Can you imagine being forced to think about your ex or someone 1,000 a day? 

Hundreds?

Repeating a 6 month relationship over and over for TWO years …… Every day all day 1,000 times a day? 😩

Like I don’t even wish him ill. I just want my own healing. Stepping into heterosexual dating world was a crash course and a bit traumatizing cause I was usually friends with guys and this was nothing like that.

Either way I’m tired of everything….. Things that are random and have nothing to do with my ex (“twin flame”) being drawn back to my him for no reason by this Entity. 

I feel like I am almost back at the beginning when I first questioned “why am I obsessed with him?!?”.

And I just want to heal. A moment of peace. I want this Entity gone.

Like why am I being forced to think about a man all day every day that doesn’t care or think about me two years later?

I’m sick to my stomach of this.

I know I will never hear from him again, I know we will never be together. I dont even know if i want to be with him. It wasnt the best, it wasnt the worse all i know is this Entity interfered to break us up and started acting like telepathic communication him once we broke up. And raped me….. Acting as him. So my ex will remind me of this painful experience with this demon. And this demon won’t let me forget him. A part of me wonders if he went through something similar. But I don’t know if that translates into wanting to have a partnership with him. I personally need to be with someone I can feel got my back and I got theirs. 

So WHY do I get this?!?!

I’m just over it.

Exes and Exorcisms

I read this article that narcissists try to stay friends with their ex’s in order to continue to drain them of their empathy and emotion availability only to further manipulate them to meeting their personal needs with out ever reciprocating. 

I thought of myself. My sexual partner would often become my best friend. I am social in the sense that I don’t care what your style is…. If you’re cool I like you as an individual. A “social butterfly”….. But just could never seem to stay in cliques too long. 

So my partner would be one of my best friends. We were the most intimate, comfortable we would go out and do things that maybe my other friends found lame.

So I kind of made this pack with myself that since I spent all this time with someone and my body with them…. That if only seemed fair to try to at least stay friends with them even if we didn’t work out. It would have to be a mutual thing and cordial at least.

I mean the first few were simply cordial. I left the door open and every so often we would check in with other or run into each other on the streets. As much as the break up may have hurt at the time, over time I worked on not holding resentments just because we didn’t work out. 

With my partner of 5 years I thought for sure we were going to be a married power couple in community arts. But…. He wanted to be polyamorous and I just had too many things going on that to then work through the emotions and worry wonder if someone was having sex in my bed was too much. It was what it was…. I tried to explore poly but I suck at it and it just felt like an emotional trap. I have enough rules. 

But we stayed good friends. Supportive once the dust settled. Check in every so often. Nothing major. But the love we had in that relationship I cherished and will always cherish. 

I always wondered how the friendship would fit into my life or with having a steady partner. I mean we didn’t hang out enough for me to put it at the forefront of a relationship, and I hadn’t gotten serious enough with someone to feel they could dictate my friendships if they felt uncomfortable.

I never talked about who I was seeing with my ex/friend tried to keep relationship drama to a minimum. That was my own rule of thumb.

But my last ex kind of provided a reason why being cordial if not friends with my exes were beneficial. When the voice/ demon popped up it did everything to isolate me not only from my ex but my friends and family…….. Even from myself. 

Because this voice sounded and “acted” (at least his internet persona) like my Ex, it was important to keep me away from him so I could not double check any “storylines” …. So I could not be comfortable enough to be like “hey did you send me a telepathic message telling me not to donate all my belongings to good will?” 😞 

I had tried multiple times to estatebish this type of friendship with him but it was a text maybe he didn’t answer but saw, he requested friendship on Instagram. But I was already in the under current with this Entity and any little meme or photo would trigger another series of delusions and my heart and mind could not handle. So I stopped feeding the hungry ghost. Wrote him a letter gently stating I was going completely out of my mind and blocked him. For my own good.

This all went against what I was trying to do as a person which was not demonize my exes and chalk it up to it just didn’t work out while seeing if the bond could be transformed into a friendship.

But hey………. I got this menacing demon. 

Even after peeling back all the delusion and storylines. After all the strengthening of my tender heart….. The demon “entity” insists on using the memory of this particular ex as a shield. Which to this day I will never understand and maybe what keeps it persistent.



Targeted Individuals (pt2)

I’m really not be one for conspiracy theories. I do love a good fanatsy film but I’m not so sure about living one at this point.

I perused a few “targeted individual” forums on Facebook. There seem to be a lot of similarities between “ascension” or “kundalini” symptoms and the symptoms of “targeted individuals”. I have found connections between a LOT of the different beliefs or theories BUT not one answer as to WHY or WHO or HOW. 

Apparently some lady sue some guy for “electronic harassment” (you know that static in your ears or that voice in your head, ect) and won, but she found who it was I’m not sure how this applies elsewhere. I mean logically to me if a man is electronically harassing someone I (court of law) would figure out where he retrieved the technology to do so and regulate there. But that’s just me being logical in an illogical world.

So these are your average everyday folks who seem normal having not normal experiences. As I said schizophrenia is either suppose to be one percent of the world population (which is approx 72million). Which is a lot but not lot a lot when you add up people hearing the voice of god(s), psychics, ghost hunters, alien watchers, schizo’s, demonic entity attatchments, witches, time travelers and whatever else you can come up with.

Most seem to have some sort of religious connotation, but I guess with an experience like this one would def seek God.

In the forum a few people talked about the perverted experience of being a “targeted indivual” or MK Ultra or whatever. 

I blanked out the names but these are also public posts below.


There is a theme of perversion. Hard working people with families having to struggle with this type of experience. Both men and women fearing for their lives and their children as well. And dare I say unnecessarily. Fear base experiences that have nothing to do with the essense of that individual. Or even their true psychology.

I’m not one to dive deep into conspiracy theories….. But this is waaaaaaaaaay out of control. I actually don’t care what IT is…. But I do want this to cease and desist not only for me but for others as well.

There is always a carrot. If its not something or someone it is your own personal freedom. 

What causes one to have a better delusion than the other? What triggers it? 

Either way some of my findings on this sad sad SAD road to probably no where. 

Spiritual Forum: Do “Empaths” divide?


Someone made the post above in a forum

My Response: I think in the spiritual community we tend to be a bit vague…. General …. Visual…. So if someone shares their story….. Yes it may “attach” to someone. Not some evil black slithering smoke coming through the screen. But if one is not strong spiritually themselves YES they can also be triggered. I would rather someone unload their burdensome darkness…. Then read half the fake news with insane images that I can’t even filter seeing on Facebook alone. So let’s not silence each other and call it empathy……. Let’s not say our own tenderness…. Our triggers are empathic abilities….. Because empathy is allowing each other to heal knowing how much that shit really and truly hurts.

———————————

I know in a lot if communities for me that was/is the Queer community often “trigger warnings” were practices in mosts posts as we know not everyone has dealt with their truama or there effects. This allows for people to be both concious of others as well as open about their own trauma which I believe is a good practice. 

I tend to practice this in my daily life. For instance I’m not going to talk too much about death, or my views of death, or too many triggering memories about my grandma with my mom ….. But I will listen. I might pick another venue for that because I know she is still healing. And people heal differently and it simply take a mindfulness.

My blog is abrasive and unfiltered and a fraction of what I experience….. But I have to put it out there…. Not because I want to “spread my darkness” but to release myself from it.

And yes “darkness” can gain inspiration from anywhere. I know mine has. Especially from those I love so it can “hurt more”.
But this idea that Empaths need to be separated ….. Is … Divisive. It keeps us more separate. Being “Empathic”… I would assume means actually being empathic for other beings. And maybe as “Empaths” we/ or they need to really look at the anxiety and precieved triggered darkness that they “absorb” from “everyone”. 

How do they know this is not their own darkness taking advantage of that beautiful soul… To keep us separated from one another…. To silence us…. And in turn silence others. 

Just scrolling through a Facebook feed is a machine gun of triggers. I know mine. They are the same that is in this blog. No I don’t want to read that article with details of a rape victim. I don’t …. Doesn’t mean I’m less empathetic…. But I does mean I know my limits. At the same time I respect that persons ability to speak out…. Unlike I did… And realize it is something with in myself …. “My own darkness” triggering the gore of such a traumatic event.

Don’t let our “empathy” divide us. Take care of yourself…. But don’t let that cut us off from a world…. Don’t let our own darkness … Or fear of it silence others who are removing the shackles.

I understand the both sides of the coin. 

Soul Sister

So I met another woman on one of the forums who story is WAY WAY too similar as mine.

I almost wanted to cry. I mean I found people with parts or symptoms…. But the exact same thing never. 

Hers was very similar in the sense that it happened after a break up…. She thought it was from her ex because the Demo. Tried to act like her ex (very twin flamish). She’s stayed away from him. She thinks he cursed her. Them the demon told her he loves her but also tortures her. 

She’s knows she is not schizophrenic….. And the fact that our stories if not the words are all too similar is telling. 

I am both happy and depressed. That I fell for it. I’m trying to help her disassociate the demon from her ex because I am pretty sure it has nothing to with him…. I mean sure it plays off the relationship…. But the longer she holds that thought the longer one of the hooks are in. 

Its easy to blame someone else.

A person…. Someone visible. Tangible.

Yes there is this little part of me…. 1% that wonders once this Entity leaves if he will come back because I know I will never contact him. But that 1% could also be the demon….. Because I know I still have so much to worry about…. Like my family…. My livelyhood….. How to make myself happy again. Healing…. Health.