Feeling Anxious ๐Ÿ˜ญ

I feel really anxious today like I want to do something other than lay around the house and practice not talking to demons and regaining my strength. 

I made a whole excel file on detoxing which you will be surprised how insane it is. Very detailed from information from Hulda Clark and Dr. Sebis and this other guy. Its kept me busy …. Like waiting to jump rope…. But not there yet.

I’m bored and in pain and more bored… Headaches out of this world…. Tired of talking to demons. No one really wants to talk to me… Like my sister just zones out. I use to call myself “jiggly puff” from Pokemon cause it was a Pokemon that would sing but the song put people to sleep and then it would get offended and scribble on people’s faces. I just don’t scribble on peoples faces. 

Bla I’m bored, kinda over talking about schizophrenia and suicide…. Archon’s and demons… racism and pedophiles.

Like has been reduced to debating pedophiles, sexual assault and racism with an archon demon while it waits for me to die from cancer or suicide.

I just wanna live life. Like its not like I have that much of it. Shit. I’m just use to working hard and seeing some results…. And I’m not seeing the results. Like yea I’m out of the delusion…  But it doesn’t stop the demon from debating my relationship with my ex. 

Ive thought more about my ex’s (twin flame) life than I was able to think of my own. I mean this demon made me think about his current life, past life, etheric life, future life, non existing life….. Shit cat life…. Twisting 6 months of relationship into a 2.5 year sprawl of fuckery. Like everything thing this man said was twisted in 10 different ways to fit this demons agenda. 

And I don’t know why.

My ex doesn’t give a fuck about me! Like sure he MAY be like “aww sucks!” And move on with his life…. But he doesn’t give a fuck and I am forced to think about him… Pedophiles, incest and racism…. Him AS a pedophile… I was forced to watch in visions from this demon. 

So no one on earth can defeat this demon? 

This demon is that powerful? 

No one?!

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Twin Flame Trigger ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ

everyone wants to be a twin flame expert because it equals money now.

this one guy is out here saying twin flames are the same as the indigenous concept of “two-spirit”. and it’s pissing me off. ย One cause people just can’t seem to stop exploiting indigenous culture for gain and two-spirit is NOT a twin flame.

if you wanna say two spirits are actually living inside of you then SURE let’s say that … shit, i got like at least 3 fucking with me inside.

like, stick to yall new agey twin flame shit and talking about going into union for a decade.

two-spiritย is a third gender recognizing that we hold both “male” and “female” traits and not conforming to gender roles based on sex. Itย has nothing to do with twin flame. Stop dragging indigenousย info into yall bullshit to make it seem all sacred.

tired of these hoes.

I unfollowed a lot of twin flame stuff I don’t watch the updates, now still everyone wants to give their “twin flame union update” every month in spiritual groups so they can catch people they can coach for cash money.

the guy who is saying twin flame and two-spirit is the same thing is the one who told me I’mย NOT a twin flame. charged me $250 to tell me shit and some shit Iย could have gotten off of youtube. And when I told him it didn’t work he said it was my fault and I wasn’t trying enough. The only thing of value I got out of it was him telling me I wasn’t a “twin flame” which is fine cause it was just a demonic archon thing raping me anyway. The entityย fell for it and started acting differently butย that didn’t stopย this demon ….ย just confused him.

ugh I’mย kinda getting sick of it all.

I know I’mย being placed in these places for a reason… but people are really pumping a lot of bullshit to get paid. When we got more work to do other than worrying about when you gonna get to fuck your ex/ twin flame.

you know a little girl hung herself because she was bullied in school. where the FUCK does she get an idea to HANG herself. she was like 5. Fuck these demons and fuck everyone making money off of people telling them lies.

 

Twin Flame or Alien Love Bite? – Alien Orchestrated Human Bonding Dramas

https://www.bibliotecapleyades.net/vida_alien/alien_lovebite01.htm

So this article only speaks on the aliens love bite but I will also look up information if someone has written anything on the direct correlation between alien love bites and twin flame.

If you think about it it makes sense. Entities supposedly feed off of negative energy and whats worse than a long drawn out longing for the love that is unrequited?

What’s funny is that many many many in the “twin flame” community are also those in the “love and light” and yet seem extremely unaware. 

There are teenagers on YouTube and forums BEGGING to meet their “twin flame”, and that actuallybsvares me because it is something way beyond you “meeting the greatest karmic love of your life”, if anything it’s bullshit.

What it really is, is having extreme emotions and a longing for love that more than likely you will never get as long as these Entities are involved because they are playing you like a puppet. They watch you, they will pretend to be your twin flame to so sexual things to you.

And if you finally lay down the card call twin flame, it only gets worse. Etheric love making with your “twin flame” becomes entity rape. Spiraling down a rabbit hole of spiritually reasons that you feel a pain that is not justifyable until you hit the bottom and ran out of reasons…. That bottom is called Schizophrenia. 

Schizophrenia is torture with no story line other than your own freedom and soon the freedom of humanity once you realize how to humanity has been hypnotized.

Its sad, but I’m not quite sure why, of course “harvesting” negative energy or whatever, but with all of this technology being used couldn’t they figure out to replicate “negative energy to feed off of”? I mean humans are growing ears on rats, I think intelligent aliens can come up with an alternative method to meddling I. Human affairs and torturing the population for “negative energy”. 

I wonder if all the people making money off of twin flames actually explain this to people? Or do they profit from peddling a delusion to keep making money? 

And THATS where the spiritual community got me fucked up. And they have nerve to speak about religion. 

“Twin Flame”: Entity attachment. ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ‘ฅ

It took some time. Some feeling around in the darkness. But it was confirmed, and is why many “healers” had a difficult time relieving me of this entity. 

Because there were two. 

Of course there are a few other ones I can see floating around the house that I have mentioned before. So far they come and go feeding off of me as they please. 

But the two main one, one I believe has been with me for a long time and the other I believe I picked up from my false “twin flame”.

The reason I believe this to be true is because the one that has been with me along time (and yes fuck you too) is way more subtle and quiet in its bullshit. The one from my ex is aggressive and psychotic and loud! Also knows his voice WAY too well and isn’t able to mimic others voice with such accuracy.

As much as I didn’t want this to be connected to my ex it is. He didn’t necessarily know he had one or passed it on consciously. If he did, that is for him to live with. But I want to believe people are inherently good. So…

I realized that I didn’t start hearing a very LOUD voice until I went to his house. So whatever is here now is both one that has been with me and one I got from being with him. 

It is a sad realization. 

That I suffer because I tried to show someone love and was rejected. I guess that is what made me an easy target. 

I do not blame him. But this just means we must be more conscious of how we treat each other. What emotions we play on.

I’ve done a lot of work to remove this. Nothing has worked fully. At night I am feed upon as much as I try to push them out of my cells with TRE Breath Work. Not sure how to do that with my brain  They always wiz on by. To feed off a negative emotion.

One truth discovered.

Still trying to figure out how to resolve this. 

Spiritual Abuse ๐Ÿ”ช๐Ÿ”ซ๐Ÿ’ฃ

There is no reason to be spiritually attacked there is no excuse. That’s like a rapist saying she asked for it because wore a short skirt. Fuck THAT!

Victims of spiritual/astral abuse will blame themselves. They will say, “I deserve this because I lied when I was 12 years old” or something just as ridiculous. We seek peace and that’s the easiest route than grabbing at air. But we seek NOW. Dwelling on the pasts on shortens our time in becoming the person we wish to be the best versions of ourselves. 

Our capitalist system says “you are not enough!” , so by this product and subscribe to this lifestyle. Spirituality /religion says you are not enough, you didn’t pray enough, you did something bad, some past life bullshit generational curse, that you didn’t meditate enough, that you didn’t eat organic enough. In relationships, we feel like we aren’t pretty enough, or doing enough or have enough money or enough love or trust. 

So it is NO WONDER these astral parasites …. Spiritual abusers go on to say YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH. You’re ugly, fat, skinny, stupid, crazy, no body likes you, you have no friends, kill yourself, no money, you are not good at what you do, you don’t know what you are doing, you need our guidance, unlovable, unworthy, you’re an addict, you will never understand, you don’t have knowledge. 

You will never be enough, when you are! 

I am a complete being. I have my own “dark” and own “light”. I grow as needed. Forced “darkness” or this bullshit “dark nigbt of the soul”, is abused pushed by astral parasites. Saying it’s because you did this or that, that YOU weren’t enough is excusing this program and act of spiritual violence. Finding peace and “learning from” the abuse is the gift we give ourselves to cope and to heal. We weave stories of some past life karma, a curse, blame ourselves. “This happened to me because…………….” 

Outside of that we are excusing unseen and intangible abuse. By subscribing to this idea that pain is our greatest teacher, is superficial and more than likely you never been in a full blown psychic attack.
You are saying our current system, all system are fine as is and should operate and function with no change.

This whole you “change your reality” is bullshit. You know how hard I’ve fought?!? All this law of attraction, most people want car, money love. I want the change, justice, peace, safety for all people! 

NOTE: The demon suggested pain and my smoking cigs (cause you devils advocate). Now do I know smoking is bad? Yes. Do I wish to change that? YES. Do I think I should be raped everyday by some demon for going on two years? NO.
Whatever. But I’m the crazy one.

Fuck this demon! 

Crazy Talk: Jelly Monster ๐Ÿ‘ป๐Ÿ’”

So I can see the effects of the demon, I can feel them, hear them, but I can’t see the actual demon that’s conducting it. 

I believe that many healer are able to remove the effects but not the actual entity. Maybe some can. But none of the ones I went to. 

So, I see this jelly monster (looks like a clear slimmer) that moves around me. I state previously in my blog that, I don’t think this is the entity but the “energy” it sends kinda like and extension of sorts it copies. Its not easy to see but I see it. I think its the same “energy” that screams repeatedly, mimics other peoples voices and music, repeats what I say, the gives me tremors and that can copy cat emotions like anxienty or headache, intense tension, feeling ill, being high. Prolly other things too like images/vision. Almost like AI intelligence toy, but its not the main and I feel like its being controlled. 

Today I was wondering HOW did the entity pull off things like knowing when my ex (false/ twin flame) was going to call, or what song he was going to send me, when the cat took my chair and I wasn’t in the room. And a few other “prediction” or plain old’ nosiness. 

Either way. My assumption is that this jelly monster was being nosey with my ex or attached to my ex. Something maybe like that. And that’s how it copied his voice and knew info. Some people call it “attachment cords” this one looks like a clear jelly vibrating blob thing that moves around at medium speed in and out of vision some times sparkles if its close by like on my head. But then I’m like how the fuck did the jelly monster get to the edge of Brooklyn? Like it legit floated 20 miles?

๐Ÿ’ฉ๐Ÿ‡๐ŸŠ๐Ÿš†๐Ÿš„๐Ÿš…โ“‚๐Ÿšˆ๐Ÿš•๐Ÿš˜๐Ÿšœ๐Ÿš โœˆโ›ต๐Ÿš€๐Ÿšโ‰

I hope my ex wasn’t harmed in any way. In the beginning I did so many “cord cutting meditations” because I just wanted whatever this was gone. I blamed my ex, i did. But I kept away from him so this demon wouldn’t make another game out of it. I’m pretty sure he is OK and doing fine. But if he went through a fraction what I went/ going through….. I am so sorry, even though none of this was my fault. I never sent ANYTHING to him in any way. Only trying to get through my own heart ache to move on.

Either way. That’s my theory of the jelly monster I have been seeing floating around the house or stuck in the bathroom. 

Crazy shit right? ๐Ÿ™

God……….  Why did I have to get the crazy one? 

I feel like I need a blunt and I don’t even like smoking. ๐ŸŒด

Schizo + Disassociative Identity ๐Ÿ˜ฑ (+spirituality)

So I quickly read through this article on Disassociative Identity Disorder by buzzfeed. 

As I was reading through it I had this notion while I was trying to fully understand if the “personalities” are acted out or if they are observed. I know of a lot of people who also have “black outs” or periods of time they don’t remember.

Prior to “becoming officially schizo”, there was a period in time where I started to not feel “like myself”. I even told my ex twin flame. I didn’t know if it was because I never dated men prior. 

I just felt Angry, really really angry, mistrusting, paranoid, obessesive, lustful.

I could not accept this change in personality. I tried every method to reconcile these feelings with in myself. Lol spells that didn’t work. I couldn’t talk to my twin flame openingly so it only made things worse.

In short I feel like prior to schizo, my “personality” change could have been a disassociative identity and the more I resisted the worse it got, until I cried and cried and cried and cried, and boom full on 24/7 none stop schizophrenic.

On the spiritual aspect to this was that it almost feels like a spiritual possession of sorts was happening slowly or I was unaware, and I restisted so much. I kept questioning always “why don’t I feel like me”, and those “spirits” demon alien whatevers had been stalking me for a while. So when I resisted so hard, looking for answers reading, shamans. And finally…. There it was….. Even through the schizo I resisted resisted and here right now to tell you, cause if I didn’t I would be dead. 

Its like because I wouldn’t fall for full possession (disassociative identity) it aimed for schizo (demon haunting), and went to the worse thing in the fucking world as torture (sexual violence, molestation) as a mode to get me dead or locked up or just plain old looking crazy, something not good.

Idk that’s what came to mind from my side of the story. I have no idea why these things are here or choose to torture me. 

http://bzfd.it/2xXx1pA

Why Unrequited Love Killed Me. ๐Ÿ’”

I had a love. A great love. I will always cherish. We had a 6 year relationship and still till this day remain good friends. I call him my soul mate. I thought we would be married but since we were queer it never was a big deal to me.

After our break up. I started dating men for the first time. It was a bit disheartening. They were liars or aggressive. 

I met who I call a twin flame (for name sake) and never felt so insecure in a relationship. I didn’t know what we were, I didn’t know how to act and I felt like I was constantly being tested. Which is not my steeez. I don’t test people so I in return expect the same.

There was just so much material and insecurity for this Entity to play off of to manipulate.

People say “you have to love yourself first”, and I do. I mean we all have our ups and downs it’s natural. But I do. I was more heart broken that I did not, could not or haven’t found the reflection of myself. 

I get glimpses here and there. But something comes in and skews it. Usually it is lack of clarity, that lack of clarity or the refusal to do so leads to insecurity. And that insecurity feeds the beasts that lurk hunting for a victim to control.

Essentially, if I felt secure in the relationship with my twin flame the Entity would have never been able to play off of him.

Unrequited love, the insecurity of not seeing the love that I gave reflected back essentially cause my death, spiritual. My innocence was mutilated, sanity diminished. 

I finally became a reflection of the world. 

The Ex Factor (Twin Flame)

So while I know for a FACT, that this delusion has nothing to my ex who I thought was my Twin Flame.

I mostly came to the concept of “twin flame”, through first looking up if I was hypnotized secretly, then stumbled upon the whole idea of narcissist and empathy relationship. I didn’t feel like myself in the relationship…  I felt a rage I never felt before. I didn’t feel pretty to him, these were micro ways. Like calling women on TV hot but never me. At times I only felt like a fill in for sex until he found someone else. 

There were many other micro reasons. But for the most part I had come out of a long loving relationship prior, and so when I was met with these emotional hurdles I became enraged because I thought they were tests or mind games. Why would you have sex with someone you didn’t find attractive?

I have mentioned this before in my blog, but “the voice” entity pretended to be my ex twin flame. And later acted as telepathy, quietly saying “I love you” and when I approuch my ex about this he had no idea of what in was talking about. From there it was a spiral, at first I rejected “my feeling” but soon accepted that maybe this was a love I didn’t understand. And from there it got worse.

Once I realized that no I was not Isis and no my ex was not going by the name Osiris to work on telepathy between us, the Entity acted as an angel said “what do you want?” I said nothing as it guided me prior to say. It asked me all day, house, car, money…..  So I finally said a big house just so it would leave me alone, and it said “who would want a house in this economy? what about ….. (Your ex’s name)” . so then I said fine whatever to make it stop. And then it turned into a nightmare about my ex making bets on me loosing more weight while he was in a relationship with someone else. (There is more to it but essentially it was fucked up).

Currently, I know for a FACT this is not direct telepathy with my ex. My ex has nothing to do with other than being a typical male I dated. I know my ex is not a prize for enduring this bullshit. I am pretty neutral in my feelings for my ex. The only thing is his involvement in “the story” enforced by the entity to make me feel bad. I have no interest in thinking about my ex at this level. 

And yet, the Entity insists on flashing images of him. Or how do I say this…. I guess tries to string me along as if my ex IS in fact a prize and we will get married. But the intesity of belief is not mine and i often find myself taking a deep breath to just get through it. It actually physically hurts when this Entity enforces these feelings for my ex. My head hurts, chest hurts, I’m annoyed. I don’t know to explain it. 

But at the same time the Entity says he is with another woman who is hotter than me and will be with her. Trying to makes it seem like I’m still obsessed with him and I’m not. I’m tired of talking about him. I have no idea what’s happening in his life. I haven’t seen him in almost two years and haven’t spoken to him in over a year, which I normally stay friends with you ex’s and I had to block him because of the entity. I’m constantly tormented about this past relationship to no end for no reason. 

Its annoying. I can’t even date cause this is all making me feel like shit. 

The formal psychological term would be Erotomania in which an individual “believes that another person is in love with him or her. This belief is usually applied to someone with higher status or a famous person, but can also be applied to a complete stranger. Erotomanic delusions often occur in patients with schizophrenia and other psychotic disorders, but can also occur during a manic episode in the context of bipolar I disorder. During an erotomanic delusion, the patient believes that a secret admirer is declaring his or her affection for the patient, often by special glances, signals, telepathy, or messages through the media.”

In my case or in the Twin Flame case, its a bit of the opposite. Yes you believe there is a special connection, BUT you also feel that the person is hiding their true feelings for you and you must endure suffering or you haven’t met them yet. “The runner/chaser”, “narc/empath” relationship dynamic.

So, on behalf of many who have had the misfortune of a “Twin Flame” experience, and to those who make money off of heartbreak, grief and insecurity in the spiritual community. I invite you take a good look at that description. 

What are you selling people?

Twin Flame Activation? Hm?

Its like 80’s soul mates wasn’t enough, we had to take it step further in the delusional realm of psychosis in the millinia. 

I can see both the psychological and spiritual aspects of MANY of these experiences fairly quickly, but not the scientific, not the how or even why. Just what.

I can among, race, religion, mythologies, beliefs, conspiracy theories, class, sex gender, mental health, psychology, environmental, science a WIDE ASPECT, of how we are all a bit delusional (possibly via entities). And then there is THE DEPTH, to what extent do we believes these things? 

Enough to kill, oppress, misguide, profit?

Or was the the ways in which we built simple structures in the world then taken WAY OUT OF HAND, and we are sitting here running in circles trying to find a truth or impose it.

Contradictions ๐Ÿ˜Š. 

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