Soul Mate: Marriage 💍

So my soul mate of 5 years (not false twin flame)……. I always thought we were going to get married. I mean it wasn’t like a big deal there was no pressure.

As most young couples we test the waters of home life and the first day he moved in he said “we married now” I said “oh real!? Where’s the ring!?” He said , “it’s called RENT!” We both laughed I was shocked at his boldness, slight disrespect but that shit was funny and real.

It’s rough out here in NYC. We would lay in bed and dream about what our wedding day would look like and as queer couple we never thought it would be recognized by the state so it didn’t matter. I would be the white peacock and I would design his suit made from the intricate design patterns on a peacock. Also it’s ties to Ochun and incorporating it into the table settings and into the wedding cake.

But after he had a car accident and I carried us through financial, once he got better he wanted to be polyamorous again and I didn’t want to hold him back.

I said it was me or poly and I could mentally deal with being poly at the time. And he chose poly. I was upset but I was ok. I think the amount of love we shared made it easy to let go. It hurt. But that was the only person I thought I would ever marry and maybe the only person I’ve dated that I’ve trust. lol And I still got my heart broke.

I’m glad we remained friends. I didn’t know how to explain to someone I was currently dating about an ex (soul mate) I was unsure of or if it was even an obligation. We had broken up about 2 years prior and still would see each other here and there at an art event and shared a phone plan at the time cause it was cheaper.

Either way I’m glad we stayed friends. I value both the time we shared and him being in my life. I recently took a huge step back with with him because of the schizophrenia, I didn’t want to feel like a burden. I mean nothing has changed. I want to enjoy the time I have with my friends at this point to be better. But I don’t know if I will ever reach that point. But I’m not in a place to be totally objective.

Well at least I don’t think I’m Isis reincarnated and I’m suppose to commit suicide to obtain a new vessel to have another life with my twin flame (false) Osiris. It’s been a long way. A painful one.

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Furies: Demons of Vengance

So I was watching Once Upon a Time and they talked about a Fury demon that takes a life for another.

I never noticed the picture but it looked very similar to the Demon here that I see occasionally. I assume its female because of the long hair that’s always whipping around but that’s not necessarily true.

I always reference this as a Banshee or an Original Fairy. Either way I unsure what the vengeance part is for because I have never screwed anyone over. If anything I always got the shit end of the stick and I always did the work within myself to to eventually forgive and let it go. 

This is the shit end of a stick I received yet.

Cause I feel more and more clueless. 

One girl in my schiz Facebook group drew a picture of the exact same thing I see and it that demon kept asking “where is my child?”, I also had similar delusions with the voices saying “you will never be a mother!”. 

But that doesn’t bring any more clarity as to why this particular demon is here and or how to get rid of it. 

I thought it was cleared in the soul clearing work I was doing but apparently they just cycle through taking turns.

Do these Fury demons work for reptilians harvesting human souls or light or spiritual energy so they may live longer? 

Trick you into going mad and finally taking your life! 

————————————

In Greek and Roman mythology, the Furies were female spirits of justice and vengeance. They were also called theErinyes (angry ones). Known especially for pursuing people who had murdered family members, the Furies punished their victims by driving them mad. When not punishing wrongdoers on earth, they lived in the underworld and tortured the damned. The Furies could also appear as storm clouds or swarms of insects.

Read more: http://www.mythencyclopedia.com/Fi-Go/Furies.html#ixzz5320xRn8B

Blavk Magick 🔚

I am going to try to be mindful of my thoughts about my ex and other people the Entity tries to pin against me. 

I can’t say I will be super positive but at least neutral or none responsive.

I wonder if the entity wants me to constantly have a negative thought about my ex twin flame as to constantly send him black magic and bad vibes and there is no way to reconcile it with him.

Like with my mom or sister I can get over and hug it out. I don’t have that same luxury with my ex and every memory is twisted into some other meaning.

Generally I forgive him. I’m not really holding any grudges other than having to relive our relationship every second of everyday. I actually don’t blame him for cutting me off. Shit was crazy….  And I didn’t know how crazy shit was actually getting.

So. 💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓🙏

Thoughts and consumption. I got my work cut out.

Watch “I Gave Up Men to Have Sex With Ghosts | This Morning” on YouTube

Home girl is getting PLAYED. Why do I have to get raped and tortured when there is perfectly willing people out there?!

That’s what they do with twin flames too to keep you apart. amd you end up going into seperation feeling either heart break or “this amazing connection”. You think its your twin flame but its not its a fucking demon ghost playing your ass out of a relationship that you have the opprotunity in this body to have NOW! She was about to get married! And this demon ghost comes in and ruins that for her and she’s all OK cool. 
Fuck this!

Copy Cat 🙀🙏 Smiley Face ☺

Above is a photo from a young girl in my schizophrenia group. We originally started speaking about her hallucinations in the group and she seemed so scared I told her to maybe draw them. To kinda face the fears, showing them she is not afraid. 

At first she was like no, but then some weeks later she started drawing them. And I was really proud of her for facing her fears.

She exolained this one is very different than what she normally sees. And I saw the same one again today as well. 

Some weeks ago my friend “sent me energy” and it looked like smiley face and flowers. I wrote about it in the blog. Her energy was very polite. When she brought her energy back to herself I knew. BUT the demonic energy here tried to copy the look of her energy signature and tried to seem like it was her. But know when it is not. There is always a slight difference from hers. Hers is brighter, faster, and moves. This demons is slow and dull and the smile is different. 

Now this girl drawing a version of the demonic version of this energy that I saw today and its making me upset. 1. Because I pray that its not this demon trying to fuck with her or me. 2. I feel like I should not be around ANYONE like I can’t care about anyone, help anyone with out some bullshit.

They asked me to be a moderator in the schiz group. Cause I give a shit about people and I want people to be OK….. But then things like this just makes me feel like shit.

Spiritual Bypassing Revisited. 😲😲😲

So spiritual bypassing. 

We are basically saying that if you don’t get almost literally spiritually jumped and cosmically punched in the face that you don’t get the badge of honor of being “inept”. To………… What? 

Do y’all see how we are perpetuating abuse even through our spiritual communities. 

We allow these “spirits” entities to cause harm and then run around thinking its an honor….. And we are enlightened. 

GUYS FUCK THAT!

FUCK THAT TODAY AND TOMORROW AND FOREVER FUCK THAT!

Basically you are enabling cosmic spiritual bullying.

And we are suppose to grow from that?!

Think about how fucking backwards that is? 

Its perpetating abuse.

If someone is in an abusive relationship do you tell them to stay in the relationship and forgive them while they are being beat? 

A lot of these people going around talking about accept the dark and light…. And spiritual bypassing never been raped by some random ass entity and then being told to forgive them. Forgiveness is a process. And protecting ones self is the first step. Abuse stopping is the first step. 

And forgiveness is a choice. 

I’ve always been like this. Ever since school. School is forced… Information forced…. Most of its a lie to perpetuate ignorance. Most of its not useful and most what actually learn and find useful is on the job you are forces to engage in to survive. 

Let’s really rethink the spiritual concepts we spew out. All we are doing is excusing entitities, energies, demons, whatever to play a roll in our lives, and there shouldn’t be any. They made their choice. And they keep making their choice the more you allow them to “punish” or abuse us senselessly which only enables their bad behavior.

Its not a badge of honor….. It’s ignorance. 

🙏

Lightened Photo

If I didn’t see this shape drop down in front of my eyes or mark my skin then I would say hey this prolly just a camera glitch.

This is the first time I caught on camera what I was drawing.

No one else is seeing it…  And its clear as day and making me feel crazy. And I thought I was a rational person. 


Photo of what I usually see

Like this is the most obvious photo I have taken. I would zoom in or not have it on a white background or in bright lights so your eyes can adjust. Im trying to look at it now in my bathroom lights and all I see it a black photo. 

If I’m totally bugging let me know. 

The photos of what I drew are here. I have seeming them for 6+ months. I think one or more contribute to the schizophrenia. 



Feeling Anxious 😭

I feel really anxious today like I want to do something other than lay around the house and practice not talking to demons and regaining my strength. 

I made a whole excel file on detoxing which you will be surprised how insane it is. Very detailed from information from Hulda Clark and Dr. Sebis and this other guy. Its kept me busy …. Like waiting to jump rope…. But not there yet.

I’m bored and in pain and more bored… Headaches out of this world…. Tired of talking to demons. No one really wants to talk to me… Like my sister just zones out. I use to call myself “jiggly puff” from Pokemon cause it was a Pokemon that would sing but the song put people to sleep and then it would get offended and scribble on people’s faces. I just don’t scribble on peoples faces. 

Bla I’m bored, kinda over talking about schizophrenia and suicide…. Archon’s and demons… racism and pedophiles.

Like has been reduced to debating pedophiles, sexual assault and racism with an archon demon while it waits for me to die from cancer or suicide.

I just wanna live life. Like its not like I have that much of it. Shit. I’m just use to working hard and seeing some results…. And I’m not seeing the results. Like yea I’m out of the delusion…  But it doesn’t stop the demon from debating my relationship with my ex. 

Ive thought more about my ex’s (twin flame) life than I was able to think of my own. I mean this demon made me think about his current life, past life, etheric life, future life, non existing life….. Shit cat life…. Twisting 6 months of relationship into a 2.5 year sprawl of fuckery. Like everything thing this man said was twisted in 10 different ways to fit this demons agenda. 

And I don’t know why.

My ex doesn’t give a fuck about me! Like sure he MAY be like “aww sucks!” And move on with his life…. But he doesn’t give a fuck and I am forced to think about him… Pedophiles, incest and racism…. Him AS a pedophile… I was forced to watch in visions from this demon. 

So no one on earth can defeat this demon? 

This demon is that powerful? 

No one?!

Twin Flame Trigger 🔥🔥

everyone wants to be a twin flame expert because it equals money now.

this one guy is out here saying twin flames are the same as the indigenous concept of “two-spirit”. and it’s pissing me off.  One cause people just can’t seem to stop exploiting indigenous culture for gain and two-spirit is NOT a twin flame.

if you wanna say two spirits are actually living inside of you then SURE let’s say that … shit, i got like at least 3 fucking with me inside.

like, stick to yall new agey twin flame shit and talking about going into union for a decade.

two-spirit is a third gender recognizing that we hold both “male” and “female” traits and not conforming to gender roles based on sex. It has nothing to do with twin flame. Stop dragging indigenous info into yall bullshit to make it seem all sacred.

tired of these hoes.

I unfollowed a lot of twin flame stuff I don’t watch the updates, now still everyone wants to give their “twin flame union update” every month in spiritual groups so they can catch people they can coach for cash money.

the guy who is saying twin flame and two-spirit is the same thing is the one who told me I’m NOT a twin flame. charged me $250 to tell me shit and some shit I could have gotten off of youtube. And when I told him it didn’t work he said it was my fault and I wasn’t trying enough. The only thing of value I got out of it was him telling me I wasn’t a “twin flame” which is fine cause it was just a demonic archon thing raping me anyway. The entity fell for it and started acting differently but that didn’t stop this demon …. just confused him.

ugh I’m kinda getting sick of it all.

I know I’m being placed in these places for a reason… but people are really pumping a lot of bullshit to get paid. When we got more work to do other than worrying about when you gonna get to fuck your ex/ twin flame.

you know a little girl hung herself because she was bullied in school. where the FUCK does she get an idea to HANG herself. she was like 5. Fuck these demons and fuck everyone making money off of people telling them lies.