So my soul mate of 5 years (not false twin flame)……. I always thought we were going to get married. I mean it wasn’t like a big deal there was no pressure.
As most young couples we test the waters of home life and the first day he moved in he said “we married now” I said “oh real!? Where’s the ring!?” He said , “it’s called RENT!” We both laughed I was shocked at his boldness, slight disrespect but that shit was funny and real.
It’s rough out here in NYC. We would lay in bed and dream about what our wedding day would look like and as queer couple we never thought it would be recognized by the state so it didn’t matter. I would be the white peacock and I would design his suit made from the intricate design patterns on a peacock. Also it’s ties to Ochun and incorporating it into the table settings and into the wedding cake.
But after he had a car accident and I carried us through financial, once he got better he wanted to be polyamorous again and I didn’t want to hold him back.
I said it was me or poly and I could mentally deal with being poly at the time. And he chose poly. I was upset but I was ok. I think the amount of love we shared made it easy to let go. It hurt. But that was the only person I thought I would ever marry and maybe the only person I’ve dated that I’ve trust. lol And I still got my heart broke.
I’m glad we remained friends. I didn’t know how to explain to someone I was currently dating about an ex (soul mate) I was unsure of or if it was even an obligation. We had broken up about 2 years prior and still would see each other here and there at an art event and shared a phone plan at the time cause it was cheaper.
Either way I’m glad we stayed friends. I value both the time we shared and him being in my life. I recently took a huge step back with with him because of the schizophrenia, I didn’t want to feel like a burden. I mean nothing has changed. I want to enjoy the time I have with my friends at this point to be better. But I don’t know if I will ever reach that point. But I’m not in a place to be totally objective.
Well at least I don’t think I’m Isis reincarnated and I’m suppose to commit suicide to obtain a new vessel to have another life with my twin flame (false) Osiris. It’s been a long way. A painful one.