So in my last post Dating vs Lonely I talked about how my friend found a boo piece less than a week ago. What I don’t think I mentioned is that the voices said maybe a week or two before hand “we gotta find her (my friend) a man to get her (me) out of here“. They said this multiple times prior to her meeting this guy who seems really sweet.
I dismissed it like most of their claims like I’m gonna die and every is gonna die (my family).
I take care of my Godson while my friend goes to NA meetings once a week because I want to support her. And while the voices still try pedo shit while I am with my godson I have trained myself to not to respond to it and get upset or agitated like I use to and just ignore it for the most part. It still hurts my soul. But I love my godson and my best friend. I also during the day I get a few hours of peace and quiet when they are not home unlike I do at my partners house and it gets me out of the house once a week and at least I’m exercising myself to be in the world.
For whatever reason they don’t want me to be here. But they don’t want me to be anywhere really. In the beginning at my parents house the voices started with the incest shit with my father and showing me images of him raping me and making me feel awkward around my dad all of a sudden. Then they were trying to get me to run away. I considered it many times because I wanted it to stop. I was going to kill myself a the beach in Long Island and I, for whatever reason maybe panic, I could not find the right train even though I was on the right track.
Either way it’s the same thing with my old job as well calling me a child molester and telling me to quit my job (which I did) and forcing me to leave and have nothing. Just tossing me around aimlessly at their whim.
So now I gained some footing. My friends house is a safe space for me (for the most part) and now the demons want to get me out of here too. And the way they plan on doing that I guess is by occupying her with a man. But at the same time making it seem like I am jealous (a running dialogue). Which I’m not. Now because she is seeing someone they are saying oh she is prettier than you, you are ugly that’s why you don’t have a man. And all that stuff. And I mean she is she is gorgeous always has been. But NOW they are saying that. It’s weird.
I guess what makes it awkward is knowing the voices foretold yet another situation. Just like the foretold my ex having a son two years prior to the actual birth to make me feel like shit. And I’m not even mad I just wanted to stop hearing about him and being tormented by the image or voice of him coming off the TV.
So idk if these demons actually foretell the future or create it. It seems easier for them to create it since they can influence people decisions to some extent mostly if it’s with in their parameters.
Part of me wants to just whimper and leave. The other part wants to stand my ground. But I’m just going to be me and go with the flow. And if I see less of my friend because she has a man oh well we’ve all done it to each other.
Just feel some type of way cause the foretold it was going to happen. Like I don’t have control over my life. Even though I am working on the inward, now it’s manifesting outwardly (more than just seeing them). So meh.