Suicide Squads โœ‹

So like I have a handful of people I met through my schizo group that I tried to help when they were suicidal. … And my cousin and like….. 

I can barely get through today and I am trying to talk people down from going on a suicidal rampage and burning themselves and having nervous break downs…. And I have no one there for me… As always. 

I ignored my cousin…. The suicide rampage one stopped talking to me and the burn dude calmed down. 

I have nothing to give. I feel like I’m dying. It hurts so much I don’t even know if this is the schiz or not anymore. It’s just so intense ….. I can hear my skull cracking from pressure like a sinus infection.

Idk. The only thing that listens is this blog. I don’t care if anyone reads it.

Idk I can barely make it …. Running on empty…. No end in sight…. And like my friend constantly saying he is going to harm himself …. Is like more than I can bare. But I want them to be ok. 
Omg this hurts so much! I don’t know if it hurts more cause I know its fake. 

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Lemonade ๐Ÿ‹

On March 8thh at a staff meeting I was asked who was my inspiration I said my twin sister was. 

My sister and I probably got into a quarrel either prior or sonething and the voice kept saying “You should be nicer to your sister.”

My sister went into the hospital for a sever stroke on March 11th.

I fasted for two weeks in hopes God would hear my cry. I felt like I brought this on my sister by saying that she was my inspiration. That everything I love was being taken away..

A month later (April 11th ish) my sister was transfered to a rehabilitation center uptown where she would say for the next 3 months before coming home while my mental health declined into a poor state. 

My sister is a girly girl…. And she always loved the color yellow and lemons because she always made lemonade out of lemons. She overcame a being told she never walk as a baby, a “learning disability” as a kid and becoming an amazing teacher, and now this stroke. She was scared being in this new place far away.

I was at the height of my delusion. So I thought I was reading minds. So I told my sister if she ever gets scared or worried to call out a code word. I searched for something that only she would know so i told her to say “Lemonade!” in her mind and I will be there. 

Maybe a week later Beyonce dropped the “Lemonade” album on April 23, 2016. I didn’t even bother watching it till much later but I was in shock. I thought my sister was eternally crying out to me from this sign. She was always more Beyonce and I was always more Rihanna fan. Riri’s a little darker…. But I’m becoming a Solange fan more whatever. 

Today I cried watching the Lemonade album. Cause I remembered how I wanted to jump into my sisters body and take on her burden. To fix it for her…   But I can barely fix myself and I would never want her to be in this possessed body. 

Lemonade! ๐Ÿƒ๐Ÿ‹๐Ÿƒ

TV on the Radio: Opposite World. ๐Ÿ“บ “Stranger Things”

I have spoken about opposite world for a while now. It was a big part of the “delusion” I was dragged into. You can prolly search my blog and find a few posts. 

The more I went into occult groups on facebook trying to understand what was happening to me, was it a spell, voodoo, abilities, was abucted, a puppet, possessed by body snatchers, the more i was met with all these occultist would keep talking about the balance of dark and light. That “as above so below“. Honestly they are the only ones that speak about this, so I doubt they are getting raped and molested by demons so its easy for them to talk about “balancing the darkness”, because its only relatative to the illusionary power or “knowledge” they think they have. Or that anyone that wasn’t aware of the dark…. Or generally happy was a “spiritual bypasser”. 

It took me a while to watch second season of “Stranger Things”, to be honest mainly because it had kids in it and I really didn’t have the stamina to be raped or molested by this Archon Reptilian Entity while it said sick things and then called ME a child molestor. Because this demon wants me to “Die of Molestation”. 

My fear was then sparked again Eleven was named the sexiest woman by W Magazine and I and most of my friends where like WTF, she’s 13years old! And then Mara Wilson who played Matilda back in the day wrote an article for Elle Magazine talking about all the letters from pedophiles she received when she was a little girl and how they would make sick videos with her face imposed on it and it fucked her up. 

So with all that, and knowing how disgusting these Archon Reptilians are, I opted out watching this season. I knew after reading that article about her being named sexy the Archon’s would target her in my psyche. And I wouldn’t get to actually enjoy the show. Its an awesome show anf i love Winoa Ryder, shes kinda my spirit animal right now. It’s not hypersexualized like say “Girls” or “Game of Thrones” which I just couldn’t get through. My ex (twin flame) wanted me to watch Game of Thrones and even before all this happened I didn’t want to watch the rape scene and ended up covering my eyes with his arms until it was over. Its was too much. 

Either way thanks W Magainze for sensationalizing and sexualizing children and one of the few shows out there that’s actually not. 

ANYWAY. 

I mean things have dialed down to about 25% which is still too much for me, and at times they flare up and I can’t put my finger on the reason why…. I observe and catch trends quickly. Maybe there isn’t an actual reason. Just random. Not based on me or what I do. Even though I’ve tried everything to keep it at a minimum. 

So things are at 25% give or take the day. I KNOW for a fact I am not a child molestor and would never be in any lifetime, realm or plane. And I’ve watched “Once Upon a Time” all 6/7 seasons 3 times in row at least and Zootopia 2 times a day for a year….. So its time for a change. 

I’m not a TV person actually. I love music, but TV (and writing) engages my mind a bit more to take my mind away from these demons. Listening to music is intimate for me. Before I would go to my special place and make dances that melded into painting turning into a music video. I did the mostly on my commute to or from work. Open my eyes and I was in a train car of 100 people in a city of 8 million. Close my eyes and I was alone in my mind painting beautiful songs in my cave. 

What happens when you have unwelcomed guests in your cave? That won’t leave. Scribbling their song of fear. Perversion ……. And hatred over my personal graffiti. 

So fuck it, it doesn’t matter either way. I know myself enough and want to watch something different. I am currently on episode 3 season 2 when I was triggered to write this. 

One of the characters talked about being in “upside down” world where he is able to see these dark entities and reptile things that don’t like light or heat. Being stuck between dimensions. 

In many ways it feels like this “opposite world” where I see these Archon circles, Reptilians, Geckos, Trolls, Ghosts banshees, portals, False light floating symbols, that can not with stand the Sun or joy or love. So in a way I become a vampire always in the dark, because these energy vampires keep me weak enough to not go outside but alive enough to feed off and play with me. 

I know its not real real. … Like “Stranger Things” is not a documentary. But certain shows or songs, words always find there way to me AFTER I’ve experience certain things and I’m like “OMG you guys its a synchronicity! ” but thats the lure of the dark, and false light always keep you guessing, mysteriousness so you always stay in the trap of trying to figure things out because YOU think there is some gift….. A pot of goal at the end of that dark evil rainbow. Either way I want out. 

Maybe “Stranger Things” is taking from what some of us are really experiencing and turning it into entertainment. Like those scientists represent CERN, which I have not read up on but my friends, who experience the same I, believe that CERN did something to our world that made us vulnerable and more tangible to dark forces. Like they “lifted the veil”, only we want shit put back down. And ELeven (from stranger things) and the other kid is Us who can feel or sense what is happening to us or the other side. Its strange cause other people are having astral sex and atral projecting to Saturn. .. And past life regressing and channeling and having a grand old time and I’m like “the fuck are y’all doing?”. Even when I would read about people doing this I was like “nah I’m good”. There was no lure for me at most I wanted to do shrooms and maybe tripp and see like smurfs or something, but again that would have been from MY own mind. Not whatever disgusting hive mind from the 4th dimension that uses radio, WiFi, emf waves to penetrate our cells and move around or communicate or take over our bodies. The ones that are stalking me prefer ambient (none focused on sound) TV as it seems easier to associate words with their agenda then from my mind. 

So that’s my “Stranger Things” experience, only I’m kinda living it and it sucks. 

 https://youtu.be/j1-xRk6llh4

Suicide Hotline โ˜Ž

A guy in my schizophrenic group put up a post that was a simple cry for help. Just like “schiz sucks I’m over life”. I don’t blame him. 

It wasn’t until one of the other posters mad it aware that he had a gun with him.

So me and another member of the group tried to talk him into a safety plan. He didn’t have his meds, he hasn’t slept in 3 days, he had a gun and he was alone in a hotel depressed as fuck. 

A terrible recipe. 

He was also in the middle of no where. So its not like he could go to a Duane Reade and pop 4+ benadryls and call it a night like I do. 

So I literally had to be annoying and stay with him on chat until he got to a hospital. The only problem is that he said sometimes they call the cops on suicides out there. Which sucks…. And he has a warrent. So he was about to back out in front of the hospital. 

My advice is that fuck the warrent, fuck the gun, he needed not to be alone and to get some meds. I told him to lie unless he felt safe. Like essentially he needed sleep and to be under supervisions. I told him to tell the doctors that he hasn’t taken his meds or slept and he was experiencing extreme psychosis and not to mention the suicide. ๐Ÿ˜ž iDK. Its better than being in a hotel with a gun. I called the suicide hotline in his area and asked about the cops. They said if he poses a threat to himself or others the cops may be called and his name ran. 

So the main goal was get away from the gun, meds and sleep so he could have a clearer head. He is really a sweet soul. I hope to hear from him as soon as he gets out. The next would to have a friend turn in the guns for him.

I hope I helped him make the right decision. Kinda had my nerves on edge and a bit scary cause im not a crisis counselor and someones life is on the line. And i wanted to ensure he was safe. Not just drop a number. But at least he knows we actually give a fuck in that group. Schiz sucks balls. Its legit like every mental illness wrapped into one waking nightmare. 

*BIG SIGH …. With some tears*

I hate seeing my beautiful people suffering like this. I really do. 

UPDATE:

He got 7.5 hours sleep at the hospital, they gave him meds to tide him over, he has guns cause he was in the military but promised to give the bullets to a friend. Went home made a pie for thanksgiving.

God is good! ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™

Twin Flame or Alien Love Bite? – Alien Orchestrated Human Bonding Dramas

https://www.bibliotecapleyades.net/vida_alien/alien_lovebite01.htm

So this article only speaks on the aliens love bite but I will also look up information if someone has written anything on the direct correlation between alien love bites and twin flame.

If you think about it it makes sense. Entities supposedly feed off of negative energy and whats worse than a long drawn out longing for the love that is unrequited?

What’s funny is that many many many in the “twin flame” community are also those in the “love and light” and yet seem extremely unaware. 

There are teenagers on YouTube and forums BEGGING to meet their “twin flame”, and that actuallybsvares me because it is something way beyond you “meeting the greatest karmic love of your life”, if anything it’s bullshit.

What it really is, is having extreme emotions and a longing for love that more than likely you will never get as long as these Entities are involved because they are playing you like a puppet. They watch you, they will pretend to be your twin flame to so sexual things to you.

And if you finally lay down the card call twin flame, it only gets worse. Etheric love making with your “twin flame” becomes entity rape. Spiraling down a rabbit hole of spiritually reasons that you feel a pain that is not justifyable until you hit the bottom and ran out of reasons…. That bottom is called Schizophrenia. 

Schizophrenia is torture with no story line other than your own freedom and soon the freedom of humanity once you realize how to humanity has been hypnotized.

Its sad, but I’m not quite sure why, of course “harvesting” negative energy or whatever, but with all of this technology being used couldn’t they figure out to replicate “negative energy to feed off of”? I mean humans are growing ears on rats, I think intelligent aliens can come up with an alternative method to meddling I. Human affairs and torturing the population for “negative energy”. 

I wonder if all the people making money off of twin flames actually explain this to people? Or do they profit from peddling a delusion to keep making money? 

And THATS where the spiritual community got me fucked up. And they have nerve to speak about religion. 

Cleansing Spiritual Portals; Close All Portals In Your Area – Rex Deus

http://www.rexdeus.com/wp/spiritual-warfare/spiritual-cleansing/

http://www.rexdeus.com/wp/spiritual-warfare/spiritual-warfare-prayers-against-aliens-and-predatory-species/

Its real out here in these spiritual streets y’all. They out here playing everyone for a fool. My friend is over here swearing Arch Angel Michael wanted him to join his ranks, mean while demon #blablabla was acting like my dead grandpa, my ex, God….  And I was like yo that gotta be Satan then. 

Like I don’t know God like THAT, Jesus is not my home boy but he is hella cool for trying to wake the people up. But I know this shit right here happening right now and to many people that bullshit ain’t God. NAH.

Either screw this ghost pictionary, astral demonic peekaboo bullshit. 

I’m seeing shit (the clear mist and one large dot) at the head of my families beds and I am PISSED NOW! Like its one thing if they are attacking me. But not my family not my sister who has been through so much and has struggled with health since birth.

We have a SERIOUS problem now.

Haunted House ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿข

So with being able to now see these demonic archon jelly blobs I see them around the house. 

First I notices 3-4 in the bathroom (one splits and then goes back), one large one in my dining room, and 3+ in my room (its dark so not easy to see). 

Today I noticed that there was one in the middle of my narrow New York City apartment kitchen. How I noticed is I was being a fat ass had some pizza that was too hot and then you know blew the heat off my mouth. But then I noticed a lot of steam. An abnormal amount so then took a step back and I used my eyes to to see and low and behold there was one right in my kitchen.

My only thing that has me questioning is placement of these things in my house. Like they are strategically placed at head level.  Even sitting down on the toilet. 

So what the fuck is really going on?!?

I mean I already knew I was being watched in a way, but now I’m not sure how or why or how to get rid of them. Or stop hearing them or seeing them. Cause most people don’t hear or see this shit. 

My guess is that my “schizophrenia” is maybe two or three in or aroubd my head.

That’s my guess. Since they can change shape and size more or less.

I really need help understanding this. I keep hitting a wall it seems on my own. 

Is magnesium the answer to your sugar addiction? ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿจ๐Ÿง๐Ÿฆ๐Ÿฏ๐Ÿฌ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿซ๐Ÿฉ๐Ÿป

https://iquitsugar.com/magnesium-and-sugar-addiction/

I was suggested to take magnesium to help sleep with this schizophrenia. The person suggested that many people who drink a lot end up being magnesium deficient which he believes in can lead to schiz. (That’s a big jump, but I respect the leap). So I thought well alcohol turns into sugar anyway. So I looked up the relation between that. So the magnesium is something I can do and possibly have a doctor prescribe so I don’t have to come out of pocket.

As stated in my blog, I feel like schiz deals many levels of “consciousness”, not the fantasy one like actual levels of awareness like being asleep dreaming lower brain waves or to being on full alertness. Either way sleep is healing. It took an abnormal amount of sleep and rest to heal schiz so far.

Another man in the forum said that when he “started eating healthier that he felt like the voices got worse!” The same happened to me. When my diet was better I also felt attacked the fiercest. So why when we know we are being healthy, getting good sleep, active, in touch with our emotions would we feel like the VOICES are WORSE or we are being attacked?

Why would we be prevented from being our bests selves?

I’m a nerd so I will definitely track results. ๐Ÿ™Œ

Advice: Going Nowhere โฐ

So, I see all these things in my house. 

Orbs, sparkles, mists, giant swirly mother load that shoots Pokรฉmon balls at me, flashes of light. 

As much a try to make light of the situation, well. ….  it physically hurts to have this attached to me and I have no idea what’s going on. 

Honestly if what ever is here was nice, I would show the same respect. But its not. So I have to stick up for myself and figure a way to protect my family the best I can. And I’ve tried everything!

I have yet to find a truth. 

I don’t know if this is all happening because of me, because its attached to me or because its just happening and that’s life. All I know is that I hear, feel and legit (like 80% sure) sure I’m seeing it.

But I also have this burden of wondering if my sister and mother both had strokes in the same year because of me, or this terrible entity attached to me. The entity fortold it, but could have also caused it. Because much of the head pressure was unbareable. So I can only imagine for someone who is older and or in poor health.

What’s done is done, I have no proof other than my own painful experience. The entity was trying to tell me to leave my family in their time of need. Like sister needed help and my mom was recovering. So it was on me to kinda not let that load be on my mom.

As both slowly recovered I tried to take more and more time for myself. This is around the same time I actually started seeing the orbs hanging in the house. But I’m not sure if its me or others. I would never be able to tell unless I’m there. Duh. 

But idk. If I should leave cause my terrible energy. Everyone in these light worker groups keep telling me I’m all low vibes and idk maybe I’m holding my family back from healing. 

I kinda don’t want to be around anyone cause I don’t want anyone to get hurt cause I have this terrible energy with me. Which I can seem to do enough about. 

I don’t know what to do any more. 

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