ChosenΒ 

During an “episode”, I’m sure the first are always the meatiest…. How are scenarios, topics, themes, fears, voices, images chosen?

While I am dropping the demon perspective, I guess I am only doing this maybe… Prove that point. 

I have other fears. Like….. Trypophobia, you know the fear of irregular holes. That and mayo. So why was child abuse chosen as a theme?

Or why did it choose the ex (“twin flame”) that it chose, I’ve dated other men, and my longest was with my ex partner of 5 years who is transgender and we are still friends. So why not that ex? I mean there is at least 5 years worth of material there.

Why this time in my life? When everyone in my family was in a health crisis and my grandma and uncle passed away? Why now? Why not before? Why when I tried my hardest to keep my head above the sadness was I yanked down into its depths?

Why the goddess Isis? I studied mythology from both Celtic and Yoruba culture. And more recently Yoruba looking into the characteristics of Yemaya and Oshun.
Why when I looked up, spirit husband, djinn, incubus, the Entity said it prefers to be called and an Entity? And prior to that chose my ex (“twin flames”) name as its own. 

Why can anxiety be created in me, but I can not create anxiety? Why can the voice in my head send buzz and burns to my body, but I can not do the same TO MY body?

Why of all the amazing feats (over coming homelessness, weight loss, good job, paying studeny loans, raises etc) was then every thing undone? I stayed optimistic.

Why for every postivie thought or action, this voice negates it with something gross or disgusting?

How are these thing chosen? When there is wide range of emotions or topics to choose from?

I mean I have sun understanding of subconscious material. I’m not saying that the material wasn’t there, I’m saying who or how it is all chosen and weaved into some insane storyline?

Who or what has the choice? Cause I know I could not even phathom something like this. 

Mandala Effect and Targeted Individuals

Just some thoughts.

Mandala Effect I wonder if the mandala effect has to do with “targeted individuals”. I mean I wrote it off as just people being misinformed. I mean our memories aren’t always the best. But there is also our “minds eye” or “third eyes” or “imagination” so when we are asked a question we access it in some way. So I wonder if those who believe something to be one way and not the other are under “mind control” as “targeted individuals”. Just a theory.

Gang Stalking. From what I read many people believe they are being stalked or followes by a group or organization. And while this may be true as a “target individual”, one I doubt they would make themselves so obvious. And two its a part of the “paranoid schizophrenia” “play”. In my own experience the VOICE  or Entity, whatever you want to call it…. Would make me believe it was my ex and his friends doing this to me. Then it moved to my place of work and it was my coworkers. Then moved to my home and almost everyone in NYC had something to say about me. Talk about gang stalking, how about about a whole borough “bullying” you? It was/ is intense to say the least and makes it difficult to go outside and engage the world like I use to. Once I realized this is impossible… For EVERYONE in NYC to be talking about little old me things changed. Once I realized it is impossible for my ex and his friend (who lived on the other side of the country) to psychic telepathic access to me to bully me. Things changed. Once I realized that THE VOICE(s) were talking too fast to be two different people things changed. So while it still happens some times…. I don’t believe it. It is just ONE Entity simulating this nasty ass shit.

As I said before, like I wonder if this how people get hurt or go crazy and hurt people thinking they are doing this shit to them, or suicide cause they are lost in some sick simulation overlay. 

Types of voices. You may notice both a pitch or frequency accompanied by a white static noise. Try ear plugs and touching certain parts of your body like ears or neck … Or affected areas or closing your body in yoga positions. The tones may change. But I pray that you not hear them if you are uncertain. The types of voices I noticed are as followed.

Main Voice: I’m not sure if some people are even able to get there. But once you get past the paranoia or characters or actual people that IT is hiding behind … You may find one voice. I’m not sure how that may play out for individuals because each have a different experience. But this is in relation to “targeted individuals” and the feeling of “gang stalking”. My particular Voice or Entity attachment…. Is intelligent, manipulative, obsessive, lies, I could say creative, but for this experience is absurdly abusive and inhumanly psychotic. May present itself as an archetype of authority, God, Jesus, Goddesses, Buddha, Ex partners, Bosses, Satan, Aliens, Angels, Parents, etc so that you feel powerless. Which in that moment may very well feel true. This “Main Voice Entity”, orchestrates most of the experience. The main voice may very well emulate YOU. So while its orchestrating it is suggesting you (light images, memories, or actual “subconscious thought”) how to respond or placing false feelings.

The Scream: This one often sounds like a distant scream that repeats over and over. Usually negative. May be “fuck you” or “bullshit” or “you’re crazy” “you’re ugly” or something that means something to you. Tends to rhyme. At one point I called it Rumpelstiltskin. But repeats it over and over again. This one also tends to be melodic. So you may hear music like sounds off of running water or other ambient sounds like a fan or humming of a car. 

Voice(s) / Gang Stalking: So this one is difficult. One, being paranoid is natural in natural situation. Walking down a dark ally sure. Stepping out of your house to get some almond milk in broad daylight…. Not so much. The Voice Entity is an opportunitist and will exploit any situation. So if you think your Boss passed you up for a promotion it is going to maybe you felt down or depressed … angry…. This Entity Voice will make you go postal… Hopefully not literally.

So my theory is that The ONE Voice Entity controls the “many”. The one that sings, the one that screams in the distance, the one that says your name randomly, the one that make you think people in your life are out to get you (but hey who knows), the one that makes you think your being gang stalked, that the TVor radio is talking to you, talking to dead relativites or people far away, The one that makes you think you heard someone say some crazy shit and they didnt, the one that makes you think you are taking to goddesses or aliens. 

I can’t say what this…. Exactly… But that is what I have realized for myself. It doesn’t make it any less debilitating.

This post is just on voices I could go on about the whole experience. But it rarely ever makes any sense. So as with “targeted individuals” while I can relate with the experience and can see it relate with other experiences as well (spiritual awakening “purging” “dark night of the soul” or Kundalini symptoms and “surrendering”ect) there is always that one piece missing. 

Who, How, and Why?

The Voice

Why is only me who hears this Entity?

Why sometimes do I hear this Entity having a conversation in another room. But I do not hear any other “beings” or personality with in me?

Usually right before I go to sleep I will hear “another character” usually a woman. But only for a short moment. And feels very close to me.

The one that screams in the distance saying “fuck you” is usually a man voice.

But the consistent close almost “subconscious” voice of the Entity is a male voice. Not even a voice I know… Though close to my ex’s. 

But why am I the only one that can hear it? At the same time how can only people fr around the world experience and hear the exact same things I do.

Its strange …. I am having my dreams and I can hear this Entity …. Suggesting other things (cigarettes or to wake up), or chatting, almost feels like a a subconcious thought in my dream. Which is annoying.

The Entity knows I sleep to escape it… To rejuvenate so I can not be so cranky with my family. So now it is seeping its “chatter”, and suggestive thoughts into my dreams to be annoying.

I know that the entity controls the flashes of light, and the different “characters” it pulls out when it gets emotional.

Who controls my dreams? Are they mine but be suggested? Or do these dreams belong to this Entity? My dreams have never felt like this before. They feel very different. Is this a different Entity in control? 

Confused

What is kundalini or sub conscious…… And what is some other shit? 
I reeeeeally want to say this is some soul star chakra, kundalini, sub conscious collective purging…….  BELIEVE me I do.  I really really do. Really….. 

At the same time I know some things won’t make sense. At the same time there is a… . a point where I can only identify this as outside influence. The “entity”. 

Today the entity said…. (Referencing the number 9 for completion) “believe me you are not complete”

Me: “I know” but I also thought about my ex “twin flame”at that moment. 

Entity: “well I guess you have to die of molestation” saying because I thought of my ex in a romantic way that I must suffer. 

Me: huh? 

So I’m confused if I try to forget about him, I’m constantly reminded of him every 30mins. If I think about him in a loving way I am suppose to “die of molestation” 😦. Same thing happens if I pray to God. 

So…. How do I even settle this? How do I exit the matrix of these themes that have been going on for a year? I’m done ….. I know I’m done.