I was a fucking cliché. For the first time in my life. A fucking cliché. Guys get to call their ex crazy all the time only this time i actually was/am.
I was starting to spiral out with this idea that my ex was my twin flame and we had a special telepathic connection because i kept hearing him tell me telepathic messages. Like the song he sent me.
And i kept contacting him (which isn’t like me) thinking that that we could repair things. And no matter how much he hurt me, cause he did, i kept walking away and coming back and walking away. Everytime he hurt me i would walk away but then i would come back for some reason i could not understand. And i, in turn, was probably hurting him.
Because of the connection (the voices that I thought was him) i couldn’t walk away and make a clean break. This may have even scared him. And i take responsibility in all my confusion and madness for that.
I guess the fact that he has been blessed with a beautiful relationship and child …… Makes me think that our relationship really must have been ……. Hell. And that hell has been transfered over to me to live in.
I don’t know why evey thing started to spiral out with him. Or why the voices chose him a 6 month relationship and not my soul mate of 5+ years. At least they would have more material. But i guess what they were looking for is negative material.
I made a fool or myself ultimately. Even if he didnt see or know about all of it. And that is something i will still have to heal from. I just dont know how to heal with negative voices all day everyday. And i know how to heal (believe me). I just dont know how to heal like this.