Chosen 

During an “episode”, I’m sure the first are always the meatiest…. How are scenarios, topics, themes, fears, voices, images chosen?

While I am dropping the demon perspective, I guess I am only doing this maybe… Prove that point. 

I have other fears. Like….. Trypophobia, you know the fear of irregular holes. That and mayo. So why was child abuse chosen as a theme?

Or why did it choose the ex (“twin flame”) that it chose, I’ve dated other men, and my longest was with my ex partner of 5 years who is transgender and we are still friends. So why not that ex? I mean there is at least 5 years worth of material there.

Why this time in my life? When everyone in my family was in a health crisis and my grandma and uncle passed away? Why now? Why not before? Why when I tried my hardest to keep my head above the sadness was I yanked down into its depths?

Why the goddess Isis? I studied mythology from both Celtic and Yoruba culture. And more recently Yoruba looking into the characteristics of Yemaya and Oshun.
Why when I looked up, spirit husband, djinn, incubus, the Entity said it prefers to be called and an Entity? And prior to that chose my ex (“twin flames”) name as its own. 

Why can anxiety be created in me, but I can not create anxiety? Why can the voice in my head send buzz and burns to my body, but I can not do the same TO MY body?

Why of all the amazing feats (over coming homelessness, weight loss, good job, paying studeny loans, raises etc) was then every thing undone? I stayed optimistic.

Why for every postivie thought or action, this voice negates it with something gross or disgusting?

How are these thing chosen? When there is wide range of emotions or topics to choose from?

I mean I have sun understanding of subconscious material. I’m not saying that the material wasn’t there, I’m saying who or how it is all chosen and weaved into some insane storyline?

Who or what has the choice? Cause I know I could not even phathom something like this. 

😯 Could you love a rapist?

(This was a question that a friend posed on Facebook)

————-⚠TRIGGER WARNING ⚠————

I’m trying to embrace the topic of child abuse. Be honest with you, anytime it came up on my Facebook timeline I just scrolled real fast over it. 

I didnt want to think about it. I don’t… I still don’t. It’s gross and scary. I don’t like it. Its triggering. And with all of that prior to this experience…. Then having an Entity psychically rape me and call me a child molestor at the same time is uhm… Well I had to sort things out for myself and know who I am.

Brief Back Story: (YES AGAIN) I was like 10 or 12 went to a sleep over. Felt some type way about my friend father coming into the room (didn’t live with men in the house, just my twin and mom at the time). I told my mom. My mom then later brought me in a room with my grand parents and told me to tell them. I did and they all stared at each other and it scared me. And then my grandpa blurted out “ya father molested you!”. So I just cried. I didn’t know what it was but clearly it was bad. No one really explained to me what it was, I just knew it was bad. Sometime later (I have no idea how long), I saw the introduction for Date Line special saying the Children who were molested were more likely to become child molestors. And it was about this young boy who was one. So that SCARED the shit out of me and upset me because I didn’t want to be something bad.

Sometime later I woke up from a bad dream and my mom told me to talk to someone on the phone and it was my dad. And he said he never did anything to me and he missed us and something about sand castles (it was 10 years of never speaking). I just went back to bed. 

My father came back into my life and assured me nothing ever happened. My parents quickly got married soon after. They were happy and I was left in angst in trying to accept my father for not being there. I also had to act different because a man was in the house now. … And we moved… It was a lot of change. But I try not to hold on to things too much. I accepted my dad… But my parents ultimately didn’t accept me being queer so they kicked me out right after high school.

When this whole “you’re a child molester” Entity popped up. I honestly for some reason thought it ment my father had did something to me. But I tried to push down this fear that my family was lying to me and trust. My father is a good father. To me “normal” family shit. I worked hard to rebuild our relationship…. One where he hopefully didnt feel like he needed to make up for anything. A friendship.

When this Entity came up again, first with the Goddess Isis and twin flame ex bullshit (which is through out this blog) only to GO RIGHT BACK to the “you’re a child molester”, I know I never in my life hurt a child or even thought about it so….. I thought maybe something did happen to me. I went to some bullshit akashic record psychic lady and she said it did happen only she said it was my dad AND MOM. I’m like Huh?!? So I was upset, but I knew that was impossible. So.

The Entity started saying “You should be GLAD you were molested!” During the thick of my delusions at my job around children. And I was freaking out. So……. I mean the only reason this ever came up again for me was this Entity. Other wise I had made my peace.

 When the Entity said that I got on my knees and prayed to God, for my father, for all the men in the world. I prayed so hard for them to see. Every thought about this subject I kept trying to “give it to the angels” cause not only was I presented with this difficult subject, my body was going haywire and my life was spiraling downward (as stated in this blog).

In a way. While I was foretunate to never had been sexually abused as a child…. It is an issue I still had to manage and wade through. Its a trigger. Whether or not I was or wasn’t ….. Its a terrible thing that we have allowed to permeate in our culture. Which leads to the abduction and death of our children. And I think most will agree. And I am sad that my Dad was accused, and even had to think about and kept away from his kids. Me. 

Unfortunately, I can’t look away as much as I want to and in the same breath I am rendered helpless because there is really nothing I can do about it. Currently. 

Often this subject is link to the LBGT community as most think homosexuality and trangenderism is a mental illness. And because this is linked to sexuality. The freedom for two consenting adults or two consenting young people to love each other, or someone who wants to express their gender in whatever way, is very different than an adult preying on a child, raping or positioning themselves in a place of authority to do so. Its more in the feild of serial killers, sociopaths, racism/ imperialism, and good old fashion patriarchy. It is meant to bring harm to another, while being self serving and self gratifying.

Linking pedophiles to the LGBT community makes no sense.

People are like “oh no if you let LGBT people have rights, then so will pedophiles.”. Honestly pedophiles have more rights than than LGBT which is…………. Insane now that I think of it. Kinda just hit me. Young children are unconsentingly forced to marry some adult…. While LGBT folks can barely walk down the street. Our culture in general supports this behavior as well. (Which I’m not ready to jump down the rabbit hole of culture just yet).

But the question is can you love and accept a rapist and pedophile. 

Sadly MY answer is No. I can have compassion for them. I can hope that they one day they see that they are ripping a young persons childhood away. I can hope that one day they will understand what consent ACTUALLY is. I can hope that they understand the physical and psychological pain that they have brought on someone else. I can hope they understand how they have been a vessle for demons to play them and the people around them. I can hope that they realize all of this and become new in mind and spirit. 

But how? This is work that needs to be done. But will not happen in this blog. I don’t need to have the answers. Now.

I have no interest in talking to the guy who raped me (even though he contacted me a year or two later to be on some hi how are you shit and harassing me).

But I don’t have to love them, and I definely will never accept this. And I hope that we can do more in our culture and world to change this. So that our children (even though I may never have any) can walk down the street with out fear, play and create a better world than the one we gave them.

Its triggering, it hurts, no one really wants to think about it because its painful, but how do we protect our children? How do we bring this to light and stop looking away in shame?

 

Illusion of Seperation

So!

Do not mistake “the voice with in” for channeling. Do not mistake your magic for the magician.

Often I believe that visuals of how we receive information. Stories, mythology, religious/ spiritual material, what people tell us, anything really.

How we receive this information may not be as intended. I mean the words are there. How its applied or filed in our system is another thing. 

We know our intentions. For the most part. 😞

Yea Yea Yea all is one. Ebb and flow. We effect each other. I get it. 

But in the spiritual community there are A LOT of imagery! We hold on to these in one form or another. 

For instance. “The voice with in” … “Your magic is with in” “contacting your “higher self””.

Why on earth would you be seperared? Fractured? Lost to find pieces of yourself in some dimensional hierarchy. 

What that is saying is that YOU are not perfectly made. Sitting with yourself means talking to yourself or something else… Some other part of you thats just been waiting for you to meditate?

No. 

People out here thinking they connecting with some divine God or Goddess, promise you that’s a big NAH. Promise you it ain’t your loved one that passed on. Anything will step in and give you comfort, meaning, a direction ….. For the mean time.

A lot of these concepts have this underlying tone that YOU …. YOURSELF aren’t able to make decisions for yourself…  Because you are separated. 

And if you think that….. promise something else will step in and start making those decisions or reconciliations for you.

I made that mistake. Not consciously. I wanted to know WHY did I feel different! Not myself! And it was because I wasn’t. I was being prepped, to be taken control of. 

You are not some little whispering voice deep down inside of you. You are not separated from yourself in anyway…. In this sense that the “higher self” is something to obtain through hours of meditation. It is making the best decisions for yourself/others. And being OK with and accountable for that. 

Now I mean for me…. As someone who has an “entity attachment” that has basically said it was every god, goddess, demon, alien, spirit guid, entity, cartoon character, loved ones passed and alive, even my fucking cat….. Anything under the sun. I can see where sitting down and shaking these “entities” off so you breathe and make a decision not based in anxiety. I get it. 

But please do not mistake your own guidence, your own feelings, your own true and whole authentic self….. For anything out here wanting to take control of your life. 

So lets groumd some of these concepts back into reality. Fuck that blue guy crumbling and being “rebirthed”. Fuck that orange and blue twin flame photo about divine love cause love does look like some flaming bird people. Its messy.

Believe me its easy to get caught up in the story. It could be anything. But don’t let anything catch YOU!

Everything will be used against you

That means EVERYTHING.

Everything said, didn’t say, thought, didn’t think, do or didn’t do, seen or didnt see, believe or don’t believe will be and can be used against you. 

WHY? To confuse the shit out of you!

I look at (most things) things from its purest form. To understand.

I look at these concepts of karma, or past lives, or religion, or mythology, in its purest form was for healing and or preservation. 

Its when all this other stuff cones in a clouds its meaning and intention. 

Say religion/ belief of any sorts…. Is kinda the first form of science and expression of psychology.

But then comes power …. And you can draw your own conclusions from there.

My beliefs were used against me in this experience. Whether it was/is beliefs in the “spirit world” or God, morals, politics etc. Good or bad…. They were all used to my demise ….. For pain and torture. 

For instance this thing acted as my grandpa twice in my 20s …. I held this moment special… I thought my grandfather or papa legba was watching over me. Or something to that extent. It wasn’t developed thought as it was a passing moment. But it was this demon/ spirit/ voice/ broken part of my brain. Whatever.

To my demise (against me) because it was untrue. It was false. It was not my grandfather …. Or legba (both wore hats that’s why I was confused). It was a test of my nativity….. And I’m sooooooooooooooooooooooooo dumb. 

So I’m stuck here between truth and ignorance. 

Not a fun place to be. Its painful. Sometimes …. Often I wish for the dream……. the ignorance back. Obvious reasons. But what is truth? I’m not trying to burst anyone’s bubble…  I mean that can be dangerous with out proper preparation. But do we ever truly get to prepare for life? Sometimes.

Just trying to stay grounded and authentic.

Mandala Effect and Targeted Individuals

Just some thoughts.

Mandala Effect I wonder if the mandala effect has to do with “targeted individuals”. I mean I wrote it off as just people being misinformed. I mean our memories aren’t always the best. But there is also our “minds eye” or “third eyes” or “imagination” so when we are asked a question we access it in some way. So I wonder if those who believe something to be one way and not the other are under “mind control” as “targeted individuals”. Just a theory.

Gang Stalking. From what I read many people believe they are being stalked or followes by a group or organization. And while this may be true as a “target individual”, one I doubt they would make themselves so obvious. And two its a part of the “paranoid schizophrenia” “play”. In my own experience the VOICE  or Entity, whatever you want to call it…. Would make me believe it was my ex and his friends doing this to me. Then it moved to my place of work and it was my coworkers. Then moved to my home and almost everyone in NYC had something to say about me. Talk about gang stalking, how about about a whole borough “bullying” you? It was/ is intense to say the least and makes it difficult to go outside and engage the world like I use to. Once I realized this is impossible… For EVERYONE in NYC to be talking about little old me things changed. Once I realized it is impossible for my ex and his friend (who lived on the other side of the country) to psychic telepathic access to me to bully me. Things changed. Once I realized that THE VOICE(s) were talking too fast to be two different people things changed. So while it still happens some times…. I don’t believe it. It is just ONE Entity simulating this nasty ass shit.

As I said before, like I wonder if this how people get hurt or go crazy and hurt people thinking they are doing this shit to them, or suicide cause they are lost in some sick simulation overlay. 

Types of voices. You may notice both a pitch or frequency accompanied by a white static noise. Try ear plugs and touching certain parts of your body like ears or neck … Or affected areas or closing your body in yoga positions. The tones may change. But I pray that you not hear them if you are uncertain. The types of voices I noticed are as followed.

Main Voice: I’m not sure if some people are even able to get there. But once you get past the paranoia or characters or actual people that IT is hiding behind … You may find one voice. I’m not sure how that may play out for individuals because each have a different experience. But this is in relation to “targeted individuals” and the feeling of “gang stalking”. My particular Voice or Entity attachment…. Is intelligent, manipulative, obsessive, lies, I could say creative, but for this experience is absurdly abusive and inhumanly psychotic. May present itself as an archetype of authority, God, Jesus, Goddesses, Buddha, Ex partners, Bosses, Satan, Aliens, Angels, Parents, etc so that you feel powerless. Which in that moment may very well feel true. This “Main Voice Entity”, orchestrates most of the experience. The main voice may very well emulate YOU. So while its orchestrating it is suggesting you (light images, memories, or actual “subconscious thought”) how to respond or placing false feelings.

The Scream: This one often sounds like a distant scream that repeats over and over. Usually negative. May be “fuck you” or “bullshit” or “you’re crazy” “you’re ugly” or something that means something to you. Tends to rhyme. At one point I called it Rumpelstiltskin. But repeats it over and over again. This one also tends to be melodic. So you may hear music like sounds off of running water or other ambient sounds like a fan or humming of a car. 

Voice(s) / Gang Stalking: So this one is difficult. One, being paranoid is natural in natural situation. Walking down a dark ally sure. Stepping out of your house to get some almond milk in broad daylight…. Not so much. The Voice Entity is an opportunitist and will exploit any situation. So if you think your Boss passed you up for a promotion it is going to maybe you felt down or depressed … angry…. This Entity Voice will make you go postal… Hopefully not literally.

So my theory is that The ONE Voice Entity controls the “many”. The one that sings, the one that screams in the distance, the one that says your name randomly, the one that make you think people in your life are out to get you (but hey who knows), the one that makes you think your being gang stalked, that the TVor radio is talking to you, talking to dead relativites or people far away, The one that makes you think you heard someone say some crazy shit and they didnt, the one that makes you think you are taking to goddesses or aliens. 

I can’t say what this…. Exactly… But that is what I have realized for myself. It doesn’t make it any less debilitating.

This post is just on voices I could go on about the whole experience. But it rarely ever makes any sense. So as with “targeted individuals” while I can relate with the experience and can see it relate with other experiences as well (spiritual awakening “purging” “dark night of the soul” or Kundalini symptoms and “surrendering”ect) there is always that one piece missing. 

Who, How, and Why?

“Shadow” as a compliment

Looking at this experience from many angles and beliefs….. I had this moment of taking it as a compliment.

While this… “Shadow” …. This “Entity” tried everything in its power…. And with in my own as well, to convince me I AM this …. And not that….. That I AM who IT says I am… a terrible person….. That I am something unknown to me…. But most of all I don’t know who I am…..

It had to use the every tactics to try and convince me or make me believe I was someone…. Or something I am not.

But if that is who I am then there wouldn’t be any need for convincing. I know where my delusions lie. 

This Entity had to distort my reality in order to throw me off my center and used the opportunity of traumatic life events as a point of attack.

The hate, the bigotry, the sexual distortion, the control, the rape, the dillusion, the torture, the lies, the manipulation, the fear…. The “darkness”.

Those are all things I would consider myself NOT to be. I’m not in any way perfect. I can not say that I have never in my life been dishonest or manipulative. But for a majority of my life I have tried to be conscious of such… If not hyper conscious. We all have potential…. Slip ups. But that doesn’t make us who we are. 

So the fact that this Entity (which NOW wants to call its self my shadow so that I will accept it as my own) used the OPPOSITE of who I know myself to be…. is telling. I am no longer interested in playing this Three Card Monti of “is this you or is this me?”. 

Telling to who I really am. And what I am not.

So I take this Entities best efforts in trying to destroy who I am…. As a compliment. 

It took many years of preparation I see. 

I’ve lost some people and some things that I love dearly. Lots of dignity in the process.

But …… I know who I am. 

More so than ever now.

Psychological Profile of the Entity

So there is a level of acceptance that I need to reach …… Everything I have experienced in the last year and a half and counting has been INSANE!!!! To say the least…. As I tried to report honestly in this blog. 

I have disassociate from the experience because it it was nothing but lies. There was no telepathy, no twin flame, I didn’t hurt anyone, I don’t know what exactly I’m “”paying” for. And it def ain’t the voice of God. 

So. 

Midigating my reality and this very dark experience has been ridiculously hard. Petrifying to be exact.

Many people believe that this experience is just some mental illness, its schizophrenia, or the subconscious mind. I’ve pegged it as a Demon…. Or whatever version of that you want to name it. As I’ve said before every culture or belief has some version of naming IT.

So in my observations….. And my recollections I can only throw the whole psychological book at this “Entity”.

I mean it manipulated me into trusting it. Stalked for years, waited for the right moment, the right cover, the right story, the right person to hide behind. It used fear, guilt, shame, humiliation and torture to maintain control. And I am suppose to believe this is just my subconscious mind?….. My ego “acting up”? If this is ego death….. Its was dead for years. 

This post was triggered because I saw the term “word salad” used in a video about Narcissists. I googled it and found it was both something people with “mental illnesses” do consciously and unconsciously. Wiki describes it as;

Word salad may describe a symptom of neurological or psychiatric conditions in which a person attempts to communicate an idea, but words and phrases that may appear to be random and unrelated come out in an incoherent sequence instead. Often, the person is unaware that he or she did not make sense.

Wiki also spoke about random and rhythmic as a way a “word salad” may be presented. Which this Entity does often. Rhyming with words off of the TV… Or randomly droping phrases to fish for a thought it can play off of or exploit. I believe the YouTuber who mentioned the term “word salad” was trying to speak to how Narcs divert from being directly questioned by using “word salad”…. Which leaves someone confused and uses it to their benefit in some sort of way.

Another thing is that, I know for a fact that there is only ONE Entity here with me (tho I could always be wrong) because one day I was wondering WHY was this Entity talking so fast. It was presenting itself as both a female and a male to maintain a storyline at the time but the speech pattern was extremely fast. So I came to the conclusion that it was just one.

Often when the Entity wants to scare me …. Or is bored, or wants to make me feel like shit…. It splits into another character(s) and starts talking about me …. Whatever the subject may be. That normally only happens “outside of me” meaning it doesn’t come off as a thought or telepathy…. But off of other sounds such as a TV. But it is only ONE Entity. 

Yea I know crazy.

So I’m sitting here observing this Entity play out whatever sick fantasy it has with me and trying to say it was my own. But I’m having a hard time accepting that. Because I know myself. 

My pseudo psychological assessment of the Entity is as such:

Narcissist: charming, confusing, liar, manipulative, demeaning, controling, abusive, lack of empathy, grandiose, entitled.

Obsessive: Constant thoughts, “suggestions” or urges of usually unhealthy or painful things. My ex (“twin flame”), eating, cigarettes, painful memories, fears or vulnerabilities etc. Also used as a way to control.

Personality disorder: Makes up characters or hides behind the persona of other people in order to manipulate and or “play”. 

Psychopath: has no shame, guilt or regaurd for another life. Abusive. Plots and plans to manipulate to what means I am unsure. Said it wants me to “commit suicide” or “make me go crazy” by means of torture and fear. 

I mean I’m now labeled as Schizophrenic because I have to hear this crazy shit all fucking day. I’m sure I have a few others such as obsessive, I mean I can be a bit OCD when it comes to gathering information… Or my art. So I can look at myself and realize those things. Also “dissociative” and or “depersonalization” are more recent because I can not relate to what is happening to me anymore.

I just don’t see how you just wake up one day like this. 

I mean you read Psych 101 and you will always kind of be like well Yea I have anxiety, or Yea I act like this when I’m mad… Or I do this or that sometimes. Whatever you resonate with. But all in all you’re fine and you go about your life. I mean none of this really popped up for me until last year and my life came to a screeching halt.

This Entity that is supposedly my “subconscious” is ABUSIVE…. Seriously its like being in an abusive relationship you can’t get out of. And I’m not one to stick around for that kinda shit. I’ve shadow worked, atoned for my relationships, I’ve questioned myself, I’ve truly looked at it from every angle possible. And have not found any true reason or justification for this Entities presence or being subjugated to this experience.

But alas I will observe.

But I will also fight. 

Power of Thought (who’s?)

So…… As I’ve made my world smaller and smaller….. Eliminating any possibility for misunderstanding, for manipulation. I created a safety net over the interweb via forums, youtube, blog (❤), netflix and a hand full of apps (for the distraction).

As the entity “turns down” in presumable volume (don’t smoke weed unless you want the alien turn up), I find again that nagging negativity. Something as simple as negative feelings towards people in forums (with no real reason…. a “I don’t like your face” feeling) or being steered from reading or listening to things I find interesting. Say for instance studying dimensions…. I saw a video I found interesting (me) clicked on it and then instantly became tired (not me). But some how have the energy to write this post. I understand the subtle ways in which this entity tries to mess with me…. Can’t say I catch all of them… Food and cigs seem normal…. But the thought pattern does not. This goes the same for many other “streams of thought”. And I get to end of it and I’m like HUH?!

While this Entity makes fun of me for not being able to go to school/ finishing school. I am unable to engage in my areas of interest let alone some boring text book.

Stuck in this meditative state….. A walking coma.

Its very obvious but to what extent?

If this was some pseudo psychological shadow work bla bla bla, then why would my mind (shadow self) have the power to make me feel fake sleepy? How do you turn it off?

If this is about the power of thought of the mind, why am I unable to insight the same sensations (local buzz, burn, breeze, emotions ect) or even counter act it? 

Let Go and Let God 

9. You can stop a Kundalini awakening. Unfortunately the answer to this is also “no”. I have worked with a lot of people at this point who have been to well-meaning healers who “teach” people how to stop their Kundalini, or treat it as anything from a possession state to mental illness to an energetic aberration that must be “fixed”. This causes a lot of chaos, pain, and emotional/spiritual damage and trauma to the experiencer of the Kundalini awakening. What can be done is to process whatever is coming up, to surrender, to let go and let God, so to speak. There are specific tools that can be taught, understandings that can be had to come into better alignment and have a better relationship with Kundalini. Once you are out of your first three chakras things typically improve a bit, or at least are not so physical in scope, and you have a better perspective of the process. There are teachers, such as myself, who can help you learn these skills. There are also many healers, such as CranioSacral therapists, who remain in a neutral, witness state to help you process energy and the trauma, emotions, etc. that are coming up.

—————

I Google searched “how to stop Kundalini”, I found this article with much disappointment. Because I’m done. I’m over it. I want my life back….. Not like the things but my actual life. To get out of the coma…. “Cocoon” phase…. How long is a cocoon phase? Isolation and imprisonment are two VERY different things.

I wondered if I am having two different experiences at the same time. Both a natural “kundalini awakening” as well as an Entity attack. To my understanding Kundalini is when you have this over surge of energy and abilities…. Come into play. But wonder if both your abundance of energy and “abilities” just make you more appealing to whatever entities that have been hanging around. To either play around with or cultivate/ harvest somehow for their own gain. 

Just a theory.

I don’t know what else to say. I mean if I had/have and abundance of energy or natural abilities it would make sense that an Entity would want to use them for their own gain or get rid of me. But why? 

I try to be careful of the stories allow myself to believe but these are kind of facts at this point…. I have experienced a lot of “kundalini” like symptoms and this entity has tried to get rid of me or make me crack into insanity. 

I also caution myself from a Grandiose idea of who I am or know myself to be…. As I am a human clearly flawed and vulnerable. I always thought my super power was kindness and often jokingly called myself a Care Bear…. Because I knew how ridiculous it is to want to save the world. But I know my place and my limits.

Maybe I wasn’t protected enough…. I never had spirit guided or animals or angels …. Although it was fun to look up the symbology. 

Just a theory …. Entities lurking around waiting for you to go through our natural metamorphis for either gain or to snuff it out. Filling our minds with all kinds of stories and fears to distract us from our simple transformation.

Maybe thats why so many people are having these botched ass awakening…… I mean I can understand confronting ones fears….. But living in a purpetual state of fear? Having these commonalities among so many people loosing their shit. This Entity seemed like he had too much fun with this for this to be an Angel in disguise.

Just a theory. I am open To being and hope to God that I am wrong. 

Facebook Psych Test

Who needs a therapist when you have Facebook to trigger and analyze you. Next best thing to being a Google doctor.


Yesturday in a forum someone suggested Transpersonal Therapy as a way to cope with my experience. Worth looking into doubt I could afford it. 

Transpersonal psychology is a sub-field or “school” of psychology that integrates the spiritual and transcendent aspects of the human experience with the framework of modern psychology. It is also possible to define it as a “spiritual psychology“.