Poetré: How to Arrive at a Thought ðŸŒ¿ðŸ‘‘💫🌿

I stare into space, eyes crossed like lovers that just missed each other, like whispers in the night that never get you there, other than to the destination of a thought that was never yours. A tremble up your back.

I look behind me, a trail of pain and beauty, but then wonder why am I so ugly.

Please hug it away. Let it drop from my temple to the pit of my stomach. Remove its grips from my neck. Sacrifice the things unsaid. Because we have cast enough spells of intention, thoughts desperately grasp at to make a sense of their own and we end up cursed. 

Let there be more of me to fill every hollow space that serves as a hiding space for these things, so I can love you more.

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Poetré: I Feel Gross ðŸ‘‘

I woke up, bla, but I feel gross, same things happening, maybe quieter, maybe it screams at me, maybe it knocks around in my body throwing a tantrum as if it were my prisoners but really I am a slave to how it feels. 

And that’s the thing about opposite world. 

You hang upside down with all the blood rushing to your head.

And all you can do is hang there and contemplate…….. Everything. 

Everything………….

And I stop because it wants to be a poet, because it wants to rhyme. So my first instinct is to jump over it, and my second is to keep going. 

And that’s the thing about opposite world. 

As with in so with out? 

As above so below?

no.

Were we given the greatest lie? That this place is like above, but may never be a true reflection. As the world shows me the what hate does to love. And I ….. Stand there and take it. 

So I hope….. I pray ……. there is a heaven. 

Jannah Bell “Candied Daylight”

.equinox.

there are paintings i wish to sing.

songs i wish to live. 

tears i must breathe.

breaths that effortlessly convey. 

a bone that broke.

a wish we made.

a prayer i said.

a joy i believe.

a moment made.

an infinite equinox.

Home

Disassociate

Tethered roots

This no longer feels like home

Drive

Drive

Maybe its because I feel like I could never change it. 

I can barely change myself. 

I have no control

All that matters is that I once loved this place called home.

Even when I am cold in the ground. 

Compromise(d)

I live in on a planet…. A world…. Where things happen…. That I don’t want to. I am both vulnerable and helpless in the sense I don’t feel like I can do much about it. I try. In pieces. Here and there.

I live in a country…… A state… A city…. Where things I wish didn’t ….. happen….. I pay taxes…. I’m compliant…. In a way…. Not complacent…. Maybe I can make a change…. Hope…. Maybe I have.

And I have these interactions. These relationships in hope that no one would stab me in my heart or back. I tried to protect myself. I wondered ….. Observed…. I could never understand with all the terrible things in the world…. Why I could never relax with the ones I cared about…. Or if I did… Finally… I would get hurt.

I’m in this body….. I’m sorry. I mistreat it. I smoke…. Eat crap most days…..and most recently when the world is too much….. carbs feel like a blanket in my mouth. 

I’m in this body….. I can’t protect it. It was raped. Physically ….. on a date…. Energetically everyday by a demon. In fact right now…. It is happening. I write to take my mind off of it. I’ve learned not to cry too much. Save my tears for things more important than me.

I feel compromised at every level of my existence.

Helpless. Fearless at the same time. Tired mostly. And tired of being tired.

Enough is never enough.

Hot Tears

Cold fingertips

Don’t worry ’bout my art

They will read between the lines.

So what if I was the sun in female form.

Bless you.

Afraid to cry? 

So was I.

Sure. No. Sure. No. Sure. No no no no.

No. Please stop………… Please stop. ………….. Please stop…………………..

Hot tears.

Smeared.

Eyes and heart crossed. 

Mind put back into place.

Metallic body screams. 

Messages received.

Mother’s lullabies turned into nightmares.

I found your light lurking… 

In the corner of my eye.

Tried so hard to push you out.

I know who I am. 

I know who I am. 

If I know who I am, why do I miss me?

A lie, another, and another…….

So far down paths that may not lead back to me.

Of course!

Please leave.

Please leave me.

Leave me. 

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