Poetré: How to Arrive at a Thought ðŸŒ¿ðŸ‘‘💫🌿

I stare into space, eyes crossed like lovers that just missed each other, like whispers in the night that never get you there, other than to the destination of a thought that was never yours. A tremble up your back.

I look behind me, a trail of pain and beauty, but then wonder why am I so ugly.

Please hug it away. Let it drop from my temple to the pit of my stomach. Remove its grips from my neck. Sacrifice the things unsaid. Because we have cast enough spells of intention, thoughts desperately grasp at to make a sense of their own and we end up cursed. 

Let there be more of me to fill every hollow space that serves as a hiding space for these things, so I can love you more.

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Questions? 🌍

So like hella writers, leaders, teachers, scientists, artists, people who have “advanced” civilization in some way, many were/are hella racist, sexist, classist, homophobic, ect ect……. 

And I’m sitting here wondering if they supposedly advanced humanity can we trust their work?

This was sparked after reading a quote about hilter that Jung made. Something about how hilter was a mouthpiece for what whispered through Germans souls.

While, I CAN take the best and leave the rest. Can we trust someone, who in some ways may have been a Nazi sympathizer, construct frameworks for our mode of understanding and thinking and or psychological make up?

I think you get where I am going with this. Its everywhere and it’s overwelming. Its like can capitalism ever evolve or be fixed when the foundations snd roots are based in racist and imperial thought?

Same with science.

We need thinkers who can override this shit. From science, psychology, religion, governing, invention. We are all sitting here arguing shit, hoping it will change and all it takes is one dude to come out the woodwork to set us back 100 years.

Just saying. 

Inspirational Meme: “A Positive Mind” ðŸ‘‘

This was in a group. Its a meme is see ALOT! It contributes to the attitude that we are not enough. It contributes to the false idea of positivity. It negates the experience of people who are struggling, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. 

This was my response to this meme. 

++++++++++++++++++

” I use to think this. As I felt healthy at the time mentally and physically. It was easy to check myself on a simple negative thought. 

It wasn’t until I became schizophrenic last year out of the blue….. That this no longer apply. I wasn’t hearing negative voices because I didn’t eat enough organic veggies (which I did) or because I didn’t keep a “positive mind”.

This, as for many others who suffer from various degrees of what we know as schizophrenia, do not have a choice. As much as we try.

So for those who are lucky enough to take this in its simplest form be grateful. 

And those who struggle everyday, you are strong…… 

And no…. You are not your thoughts. “

The Fuckery 😩😩

So this is the type of fuckery I keep getting. 

Prior to this, this person told me I “pissed off the illuniati”, and prior to that said i “was taking night classes in heaven”. 

Another healer told me I “was dealing with guilt and shame of being a healer”, then in the next session said “this is a curse passed down from my father because someone on his side generations back was in a cult”. She also said she removed it. I have yet to see any changes. 

The person above also said they removed “it”. Other readers prior to there told me it was “black magick sent from my ex (twin flame)”, then said it was a negative soul tie with him and he was a false twin flame. 

The demon said to me directly that I was contracted to “commit suicide for my ex (twin flame) by means of child molestation” (visions of child abuse basically trying to force me into suicide). 

SO. This is the type of fuckery I am dealing with. These are the so called healers and psychics are telling me vs what the demon is doing. 

I’m tired and broke. And not one as made this stop.

I’ve been told sooooo many different stories as to WHY this is happening even by the same people, let alone different people. 

I mean these people are over here telling me this story and that story. And I can hear these Demons and they can’t tell me directly but can make up some absurd story to tell a healer, psychic, magic dude, angel light worker, shaman, akashic record reader, demonologist, so THEY can feel complete and accomplished…. Not me.

I’m right here! So what’s the point of telling errybody else different stories?

What’s the fucking point. 

I Deserve This

Its Demon/ Shadow Entity whatever. Pretty simple …. There is no going back from this. There is no SURPRISE I was your angel spirit guide all along pushing you to what? Quit your job, ruin ever relationship, gain 100lb and sleep all day. There really is no coming back from this on any level. 

There is no prize, The demon tried to encourage me to keep going through the experience because in the end I would get my ex back or, be a better person, or some magical awakening ability. No there is no light at the end of this tunnel. You don’t get a prize for enduring pointless visions of child abuse or feeling like your brain is being sucked through a straw. There is no “upgrade” as we are designed as we should be. And I’m pretty sure any evolutionary changes would be extremely slow or generational. 

I deserve this, I clearly have done something to deserve this. Whether it was being disrespectful to my parents when I was young, being gay (who knows), having to to do sex work to survive, doing a few drugs, I might have borrowed/ stolen a couple things in my life. And while I try for the majority my hardest to be honest, I’ve definitely told some lies in my life. 

There is something I did to deserve this. Known or unknown. Do I feel like the punishment fits the crime, whatever it is….. No. But clearly that doesn’t matter. I did something or a couple of things that warrants demons being unleashed on me…. What they do from there… I guess is up to them and its not about being fair. Or balanced, or even learning a lesson at this point. I can’t even find the lesson in all of this because its just too much torture and confusion. Getting a lesson is for our own sake. It is our way of making peace. There is no prize, no lesson. 

This doesn’t excuse or make up for anything I have done. Enduring this doesn’t excuse what I have done in the past to deserve or contract this. This doesn’t wipe the slate clean. This doesnt purify. There is no lesson. Just abuse. 

There is no new age path, story or fantasy that applies. There is no cure. 

Even if my prayers and wishes came true and this Demon(s) *poof* magically went away, there is always the chance that it will come back and either try to ruin my life or make it even worse when I am down. There is no guarantee that this Demon will never come back and be gone forever.

No one will ever love me with this demon around. 

So it doesn’t matter. Nothing I do matters. 
Broken.

I Wonder If I Never


If I never believed, or cared, or wondered why I saw what I saw. If I never read those articles that said seeing sparkles means your angels are around. 

If I never held my beautiful dreams in such high regards. Revealed in the otherworldly bliss. 

If I never thought there could actually be a special connection between two people. Telepathy between hearts. 

That maybe if I never thought there was something beautiful outside myself. Outside this world that seems so bleak at times. 

That maybe if I didn’t seek. Or believed in anything. 

That maybe I wouldn’t be in the situation I am in now with this demon. I don’t think anyone could truly be prepared. 

I was dumb to think the “other side of the veil” would be any better than this world.

I was naive. I have to forgive myself for not knowing any better. For falling prey…….. To the illusion.

I got dooped by false light and now I’m a “schizophrenic”.

Yackety Yack (mind chatter)

(This is from a kundalini group I’m in. Fuck Yickety Yack!)

​Have found this post, one of a few from what seems to be a very clear seeing man.  Name, lance kelly. Yackety Yack

The talker inside the head has a mantra – yackety yack, yackety yack. From morning until night yackety yacks about nothing in particular until, exhausted, it temporarily withdraws to yack some more on the periphery of sleep. Upon awakening afresh to a new day, yackety is already up and about, harping on about this and that or stoking up some grainy emotional syrup for a breakfast feed. Yackety loves to give to others and often emanates a dark mood or noxious cloud so that family or loved ones can share in the fun.
The yacker revels in the busyness of the day, and in the workplace is content for a while focusing on the job at hand. But at morning break yackety is unleashed, complaining of being stressed out and snowed under with work. However, boredom or the cessation of thought is simply intolerable to it for, without the momentum of the mind, the yacking grinds to a halt. This is extremely rare except in those incredible moments when something happens through grace and the surface mind is stilled, and briefly there is nothing but the presence of love. Yackety would protest that it loves, unable to perceive beyond its personal attachments and opinions that are self-made impressions of its limited perspective of life.
The world is full of yackety yack. This includes contributions from political yackers, professional yackers, military yackers, media yackers, religious yackers and, of course, celebrity yackers. The drone of the combined yacking in the world can be heard chattering throughout the cosmos. It’s a racket that, fortunately, our galactic neighbours are able to switch off.
Intelligence arises in the body from birth as a necessary means of establishing the memory and an inner landscape in which to make sense of the environment. This intelligence of the body is the ego, whose job is to ensure the survival of the organism. What has happened is that with no defence against the emerging pressure for sensual experience, the yacker has usurped the ego’s identity to ensure the survival of not only the physical body but also the emotional body of self. It now holds the entire world to ransom.
Most people have yackety yacking all the time, unaware that what is thinking or talking through them is an impostor of imperceptible stealth and cunning. With its usurpation of the mind and emotions of the human race, it is the real dictator of the world. Mastering the thinker and banishing the yackety yacking inside the head is imperative for the peace of mind that people strive to attain. Recognising the enemy is the first step in eliminating this insidious possession from the underworld; it will not relinquish its position easily.

Mandala Effect and Targeted Individuals

Just some thoughts.

Mandala Effect I wonder if the mandala effect has to do with “targeted individuals”. I mean I wrote it off as just people being misinformed. I mean our memories aren’t always the best. But there is also our “minds eye” or “third eyes” or “imagination” so when we are asked a question we access it in some way. So I wonder if those who believe something to be one way and not the other are under “mind control” as “targeted individuals”. Just a theory.

Gang Stalking. From what I read many people believe they are being stalked or followes by a group or organization. And while this may be true as a “target individual”, one I doubt they would make themselves so obvious. And two its a part of the “paranoid schizophrenia” “play”. In my own experience the VOICE  or Entity, whatever you want to call it…. Would make me believe it was my ex and his friends doing this to me. Then it moved to my place of work and it was my coworkers. Then moved to my home and almost everyone in NYC had something to say about me. Talk about gang stalking, how about about a whole borough “bullying” you? It was/ is intense to say the least and makes it difficult to go outside and engage the world like I use to. Once I realized this is impossible… For EVERYONE in NYC to be talking about little old me things changed. Once I realized it is impossible for my ex and his friend (who lived on the other side of the country) to psychic telepathic access to me to bully me. Things changed. Once I realized that THE VOICE(s) were talking too fast to be two different people things changed. So while it still happens some times…. I don’t believe it. It is just ONE Entity simulating this nasty ass shit.

As I said before, like I wonder if this how people get hurt or go crazy and hurt people thinking they are doing this shit to them, or suicide cause they are lost in some sick simulation overlay. 

Types of voices. You may notice both a pitch or frequency accompanied by a white static noise. Try ear plugs and touching certain parts of your body like ears or neck … Or affected areas or closing your body in yoga positions. The tones may change. But I pray that you not hear them if you are uncertain. The types of voices I noticed are as followed.

Main Voice: I’m not sure if some people are even able to get there. But once you get past the paranoia or characters or actual people that IT is hiding behind … You may find one voice. I’m not sure how that may play out for individuals because each have a different experience. But this is in relation to “targeted individuals” and the feeling of “gang stalking”. My particular Voice or Entity attachment…. Is intelligent, manipulative, obsessive, lies, I could say creative, but for this experience is absurdly abusive and inhumanly psychotic. May present itself as an archetype of authority, God, Jesus, Goddesses, Buddha, Ex partners, Bosses, Satan, Aliens, Angels, Parents, etc so that you feel powerless. Which in that moment may very well feel true. This “Main Voice Entity”, orchestrates most of the experience. The main voice may very well emulate YOU. So while its orchestrating it is suggesting you (light images, memories, or actual “subconscious thought”) how to respond or placing false feelings.

The Scream: This one often sounds like a distant scream that repeats over and over. Usually negative. May be “fuck you” or “bullshit” or “you’re crazy” “you’re ugly” or something that means something to you. Tends to rhyme. At one point I called it Rumpelstiltskin. But repeats it over and over again. This one also tends to be melodic. So you may hear music like sounds off of running water or other ambient sounds like a fan or humming of a car. 

Voice(s) / Gang Stalking: So this one is difficult. One, being paranoid is natural in natural situation. Walking down a dark ally sure. Stepping out of your house to get some almond milk in broad daylight…. Not so much. The Voice Entity is an opportunitist and will exploit any situation. So if you think your Boss passed you up for a promotion it is going to maybe you felt down or depressed … angry…. This Entity Voice will make you go postal… Hopefully not literally.

So my theory is that The ONE Voice Entity controls the “many”. The one that sings, the one that screams in the distance, the one that says your name randomly, the one that make you think people in your life are out to get you (but hey who knows), the one that makes you think your being gang stalked, that the TVor radio is talking to you, talking to dead relativites or people far away, The one that makes you think you heard someone say some crazy shit and they didnt, the one that makes you think you are taking to goddesses or aliens. 

I can’t say what this…. Exactly… But that is what I have realized for myself. It doesn’t make it any less debilitating.

This post is just on voices I could go on about the whole experience. But it rarely ever makes any sense. So as with “targeted individuals” while I can relate with the experience and can see it relate with other experiences as well (spiritual awakening “purging” “dark night of the soul” or Kundalini symptoms and “surrendering”ect) there is always that one piece missing. 

Who, How, and Why?

Not Sure How I Feel

I ran around like a chicken with my head cut off after my ex (“twin”) and I broke up. 

Since, I was sent into a spiral down the rabbit hole and I’m looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. Its like being high enjoying the trip for the first hour or so…. Only to be tripping for 8 hours. Mine is going on 2years. 

I’m still trying to figure out if my TF was/is love or lust. Or why it triggered obessesion. I hate feeling like this. I felt like I wasn’t myself in reaction to him. Impulsive and obsessive. 

I’m trying to breathe through it. Unfortunately cigarettes have replaced my air, sugary things my love and sleep my energy. 

I tried to keep an open mind. Hoping that there is a point to this. But I feel like I’m in a loop. One moment maybe for a day I’m like …. Ok… You got this… You can get your life back together… And then…. “Reality” sets in of my current circumstance and I’m like oh… Yea… That. 

I feel so broken and drained idk if even my “twin” could make me feel better…. Even though that is all I longed for during this difficult time.

I researched everything to give a name to this voice and feeling. Twin flame, archon alien attachment, entity, negativity, lower dimentional beings, incubus, ghost, spirit, false twin flame, demon, kundalini awakening, ascension, descension, purging, negative soul ties, soul star chaka, chakra imbalance, repitian brain, spirit husband, good old fashion curse/spell, and the ever so medicated schizophrenia. 

😩

All I know is I feel like shit, not like myself. I know that this thing is not my “(false)/twin flame” while may predict or rather influence, it is not my Ex. 

I feel it on my head, in my chest…. on my genitles. Its hard for me to be social, I feel so weighed down, a lack of energy I’m not use to. To matter how much sleep I get or coffee I drink. 

I tired of feeling like something has a grip on me…. My life.

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