Imaginary Friend 🍃👻🍃

I had some “the gruge” like or alien raptor visuals in the begining ….. But I laughed at them …. So oddly my visuals are not AS strong although I have like floating emojis around the house which are odd and visions of child abuse or which is terrifying or random photos of people. 

I guess I am more stern because of the auditory …. Speaking creates more of a relationship. So it’s like one moment the voices would have me crying from saying moms gonna die, then sucidial from a sick visual of child sexual abuse and then trying manipulate me back into a friendly demeanor by making jokes or saying they love me. I realized this was a cycle of abuse. 

The Reconciliation /Honeymoon phase is “The victim feels pain, fear, humiliation, disrespect, confusion, and may mistakenly feel responsible. Characterized by affection, apology, or, alternatively, ignoring the incident, this phase marks an apparent end of violence, with assurances that it will never happen again, or that the abuser will do his or her best to change.” 

The first time I was introduced to this was when my best friend in high school told me that her mom would beat her, and then clean her wounds and tell her sorry and it won’t happen again and do it again. I asked my mom if she could live us but she couldn’t. 

Once I found this habitual pattern of abuse…. As much as those funny moments are so important for relief to the constant verbal abuse… To love and not hate…. To laugh….. I sadly had to accept that these voices will never change…. And I can no longer enable their abuse. Nor can I trust any attempt to gain my trust. 

This is called trauma. Not being able to leave a state of constant distrust or being on gaurd…… Physically harms the body in itself as well as how I interact with others. I’m trying to simply be clear and stern about my boundaries rather than be become a full blown narc. But it hurts and its hard because this is NOT my true nature. 

Sans the sick twisted abusive stuff…. I have no problem having an imaginary alien rapture friend that remixes gregorian music, plays air ghost tic tac toe and makes decent jokes given a natrual break in communication and with out pain from them touching me is gone.

Yea…. I am liberal about being crazy.

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Spiritual Bypassing Revisited. 😲😲😲

So spiritual bypassing. 

We are basically saying that if you don’t get almost literally spiritually jumped and cosmically punched in the face that you don’t get the badge of honor of being “inept”. To………… What? 

Do y’all see how we are perpetuating abuse even through our spiritual communities. 

We allow these “spirits” entities to cause harm and then run around thinking its an honor….. And we are enlightened. 

GUYS FUCK THAT!

FUCK THAT TODAY AND TOMORROW AND FOREVER FUCK THAT!

Basically you are enabling cosmic spiritual bullying.

And we are suppose to grow from that?!

Think about how fucking backwards that is? 

Its perpetating abuse.

If someone is in an abusive relationship do you tell them to stay in the relationship and forgive them while they are being beat? 

A lot of these people going around talking about accept the dark and light…. And spiritual bypassing never been raped by some random ass entity and then being told to forgive them. Forgiveness is a process. And protecting ones self is the first step. Abuse stopping is the first step. 

And forgiveness is a choice. 

I’ve always been like this. Ever since school. School is forced… Information forced…. Most of its a lie to perpetuate ignorance. Most of its not useful and most what actually learn and find useful is on the job you are forces to engage in to survive. 

Let’s really rethink the spiritual concepts we spew out. All we are doing is excusing entitities, energies, demons, whatever to play a roll in our lives, and there shouldn’t be any. They made their choice. And they keep making their choice the more you allow them to “punish” or abuse us senselessly which only enables their bad behavior.

Its not a badge of honor….. It’s ignorance. 

🙏

Twin Flame Trigger 🔥🔥

everyone wants to be a twin flame expert because it equals money now.

this one guy is out here saying twin flames are the same as the indigenous concept of “two-spirit”. and it’s pissing me off.  One cause people just can’t seem to stop exploiting indigenous culture for gain and two-spirit is NOT a twin flame.

if you wanna say two spirits are actually living inside of you then SURE let’s say that … shit, i got like at least 3 fucking with me inside.

like, stick to yall new agey twin flame shit and talking about going into union for a decade.

two-spirit is a third gender recognizing that we hold both “male” and “female” traits and not conforming to gender roles based on sex. It has nothing to do with twin flame. Stop dragging indigenous info into yall bullshit to make it seem all sacred.

tired of these hoes.

I unfollowed a lot of twin flame stuff I don’t watch the updates, now still everyone wants to give their “twin flame union update” every month in spiritual groups so they can catch people they can coach for cash money.

the guy who is saying twin flame and two-spirit is the same thing is the one who told me I’m NOT a twin flame. charged me $250 to tell me shit and some shit I could have gotten off of youtube. And when I told him it didn’t work he said it was my fault and I wasn’t trying enough. The only thing of value I got out of it was him telling me I wasn’t a “twin flame” which is fine cause it was just a demonic archon thing raping me anyway. The entity fell for it and started acting differently but that didn’t stop this demon …. just confused him.

ugh I’m kinda getting sick of it all.

I know I’m being placed in these places for a reason… but people are really pumping a lot of bullshit to get paid. When we got more work to do other than worrying about when you gonna get to fuck your ex/ twin flame.

you know a little girl hung herself because she was bullied in school. where the FUCK does she get an idea to HANG herself. she was like 5. Fuck these demons and fuck everyone making money off of people telling them lies.

 

Princess. 👸

So I was scrolling through Facebook and Bored Panda had the cutest clip about this Dad who Makes Transforming Dresses

I’m into fashion believe it or not. I use to sew crazy performance outfits for my friends who were in the Vogue Ballroom scene. So this dress had what would be called an “effect” ….  Just that little extra bit of wow or drama. 

Either way I’m watching this clip in aww my mouth dropped from the creativity. And I knew any girl or femme would love to have something like that its like you turn into an instant princess. 

BUT OF COURSE THE ENTITY COMES IN and starts saying I’m watching child porn. And I’m like HUH? 

And so I just started crying…. Because I realized I may never think the way I use to ever again. Just…. normal. I have this curse…. This entity……. This inserted thought constantly talking about child abuse in a gross manner. It doesn’t matter what the topic is…. It could furniture….. Or tree. This entity will find a way to pedo that topic to torment my life. And I’m over it. 

I’m sorry I just started crying…. And I write when I cry. I’m tired of being molested and burned and constantly having to think about this topic. I’ve really tried to ignore it…. But then I bust out crying and I can’t help it it upsets me and I know they love it….. its there juice. 

Maybe I should have been heartless…. I wish I had a different fear….. A different thing that upsets me so much…. Idk…. Maybe Protecting the Rainforest or something…..

Just sucks looking at something innocently and then having it turned into something disgusting as soon as you smile. 

Whatever. 😭

Sun Lamp 🌞

I’m legit thinking about limiting my electronic time and getting a sun lamp until its warm enough to go outside. 

I’m not depressed other that the fact I have endure the pain of this situation. And I already take vitamin D. My mood is only because of this experience other wise I’m pretty happy go lucky. 

saw some affordable ones so I might just ask for one as an early Xmas gift.

My friend who has also experienced this and has confirmed some things for me told me to look into making a DIY Earthing Grounding mat. I was so use to farming barefoot at my old job when I had the chance or being on the beach. Now I guess the best I can do is fake sunlight and fake earthing until I am able to purge these nasty entities.

The prayers I have been doing seem to only make me be attacked harder.

I know we are suppose to be on Gods side but…… The prayer is for protection from these things and to forgive them. But it doesn’t seem to be working soon after I feel sucked dry as if I’m about to die. 

So idk. The Tai Chi by Eric Pilgrem seems decent. But they just come back.

I look forward to having my feet in the sand on a beautiful long island beach soon as I can. 

Tree of Life: Archon False Chakra system


This is EXACTLY how they set up the false chakra system over the body. I can see it. Except the first two on the side are closer to the temple/ears and the shoulder one is under the arm pit, the root being the most important extends from the thigh area (inner mostly) to the butt area so to debase your vibrations. 

It’s bullshit. I never had this shit before, I never agreed to it, I never asked for it.  I did yoga like what three in my life after this all started to calm mass ass down. Now a bitch can’t be flexible with out worrying about being possessed?

These chakras are made from the same stuff floating all over my house and spitting sparkle balls at my forehead or whatever it does. 

It’s soo fux up. No one should be forced into this. 

This is so sad that this is all false.

Sister Sister (pt. whatever)  😇🙏😈

So tonight my sister asked me to help her in the bed. And I have slowly been trying to ween her off of asking me for help. I mean she had a stroke, didn’t really push herself in physically therapy as much I would have like to have seen, but FORCED herself to go back to work being partially disabled now. Not because its a lot of money but because she loves her job. And my moms and I best instincts we supported her. It would be good exercise. 

Which means that half of my life is currently dedicated to making sure she looks good for the world. But at home constantly cleaning up human waste, helping her put on clothes and getting her things. But some how she braves the streets on NYC and goes to work at rush hour. Which is more than I have been able to do unless its another emergency. 

My sister asked me to help her to bed. But for some strange reason I help he to bed and she gets up 5 mins later for juice and then asks for help again. Sooooo….  I told her NO this time. I tried to explain to her why and she told me to “shut up!“. So I told her, “Fuck you! You’re so RUDE!

And GUESS What the Demon tried to do, tried to GUILT me about the ENERY I was sending my sister and saying it was going to go over and kill her because I told her “fuck you”. 

So I told the demon, “Fuck you too go back to hell”. I thought if this demon wants to hurt my sister at this point that is that Demons choice not mine. What am I gonna do? Grab at air? I already tried that smacking one out of her room. I already put up prayers on every mirror. I bit my tongue and faked being happy for her healing process and was having (still) having a delusional break down being burned and raped all the while having to be a maid and being yelled at. 

This whole being “conscious of the energy I bring our put out there” is now another form of GUILT for this demon to play with after working on many layer and finally getting to a place of soon braving the world. Like I’m not allowed to say NO. I said NO to this Demon(s) so many times and yet . …….Here it remains. I’ve ignored it, I’ve scolded my skin with hot herbal baths, I prayed, I’ve paid, I’ve given up everything in this false “ascension”. 

My sister is not my child and she reminds me of hold old she is every week. I just wish we were just….. Sisters again. 

Since she going back to work now, I have tried to focus on getting a game plan together for my own healing. On my own. Since nothing I paid for worked other than ODing on benadryl /sleep medication and some fake ass excuse for this perverse Demon being in my life “shamans” calling it a “generational curse”.

Check This! I can still be conscious of my “energy” and still express myself. How amazing is that!? Even if I didn’t have this Demon pop up and try to murder me I still would be angry. Look at the world! It’s where I channel my anger. And at the same time I can’t be responsible how some perceives my “energy”. I can only be responsible for how I carry myself. If that person is so perceptive then they should also have compassion in understanding that persons “energy” as well, while simultaneously not taking it on as their own. But I also understand that there are people unaware, sensitive and under attack. Like me. 

The Demon said, “let the games begin!”

😩😒 UHg.

Lost Souls 👤🙏 & Fire

I have heard many theories on what these circular shape things are around my house. Some say its souls/spirits, some say angels, some say archon/ reptialian, I have yet to read anyone directly relate this things with Satan but they sure do come close. 

So one thing I noticed is that these things do NOT like heat. Although they can produce what may feel like heat (nerve / electrical). Actual heat is not what they love. This includes actual fire and HOT water, say in a bath or the outside of a glass of HOT tea.

I guess this came up for me because I woke up, felt one of these things on the top of my hand and the used my eyes to see if there was one there, and then saw the darker middle half way out my hand. I then placed my piping hot coffee cup on the back of my hand and saw it rise up slowly. 

Whatever these things are if they remove themselves from my body after being put in hot water then to me that means THEY ARE NOT SUPPOSE TO BE THERE! 

Maybe I am getting too biblical but maybe these are lost souls, that would endlessly burn in fire. Since they don’t die in heat, but don’t like heat they just run away, they often come back. Or maybe these lost souls are being USE by Reptilians (which i could def see them being thought of as demons back in the day).

They are slowly accumulating all over the house. Edges of the ceiling. And some so bold and big right in the middle of the room.

I’m just tired of these things attaching to me. I know my vibrations are “low” because whatever is orchestrating this, keeps using child sexual abuse to make me super sad and grossed out and cry. Which probably just feeds them all. But I TRY, and when I try to not allow the visions to bring me down (cause they are not real), I get attached even more. 

These things touching my skin are causing rashes, burning, vibration and discomfort. 

When I deal with emotional now its the physical with these things burning.

I’m TRYing SO HARD! 🙏

“Remember Who Gave You Your Crown” 👑

“Remember Who Gave You Your Crown”, the Entity said to me posing as my Ex (twin flame). The story was of Isis and Osiris. And I was to be his Queen. Many image themselves as Kings and Queens, Gods and Goddesses. But I wanted to be me. 

I hadn’t fully realized I was in what I called “Opposite World”. Everything was flipped, Everything was a lie, and even if I figured that something was a lie, that could be a lie too. Its a set up. And you never win. I had no choice but to play along until I figured out what was happening to me. I cried so much. 

I felt my head become hot and tender. I literally felt like my skull had been opened and exposed. Like my brain was bring directly spoken into. It was loud.

I had read that this COULD be symptoms of kundalini or the opening of the crown chakra, also known as a halo, and the “soul star chakra”. I tried to understand. Little did I know. 

In opposite world everything is a lie, everything is an opposing force to the very essence of your being. When I was told “remember who gave you your crown”, I didn’t realize the very opposite was happening. I wasnt being given a “crown”, my crown was being taken away. My mind was no longer mine. I didn’t have control, I didn’t have room. I mean I still don’t fully. 

This was a check mate.

Using my Ex (Twin Flame) as a guise to get inside my head for lord knows what, for god knows what reasons.

I was shot down from my throne. Viciously attacked ….. Constantly attacked to the point of debilitation. 

I will still never understand why.

Now my home is under attack. The are the shadow spots that spew these things at me. I can’t see everything. But I can see and feel enough. 

My body is reacting to the attacks again. Rashes, burning.

The Entities would say “I WIN!”, but it won by showing me visions of child sexual abuse until I gave up and decided to die crying in my bed. Everyday.

If that’s winning ….. I’m OK with loosing.

But I want to fight back. I’m tired of my mind being a canvas for its sick images. 

👑🙏😢