One thing I love about TikTok is that many of the users share there story about Narcissistic Abuse. There are also legit psychologists who give tips on recognizing a Narc.
In my own “journey” through hell, I had a bad break up with someone who I dated for only 6 months. It was the first man I dated for that long and I guess I didn’t know what signs to look for to protect myself while dating men. I just thought hey be the cool girl, and he will see how dope you are. But I guess I didn’t realize it was too late I was being strung along. He told me he didn’t want kids or marriage or to be “tied down”, but what I later realized that this wasn’t some claim to a personal belief, but what he wanted with me. He didn’t want those things at all and he knew it and I like a dummy thought I could persuade him. He later got all of those things with someone he did want it with. And that’s fine.
Coming to terms with this was not easy after the break up. He didn’t make it easy by continuing to contact me, even when I promised myself I was not going to call him (which I didn’t). But I struggled with keeping tabs on him online. Ect. He would message me and I would respond…. he wouldn’t then later I would see he posted on FB and stuff. It was things like that. Waiting.
I became obsessed in a way I never felt before. Trying to figure out why I had feeling a for this guy, and why that wasn’t enough for this to work out. It was a MESS. I thought I had been hypnotized it a spell casted in me. Something. It didn’t feel natural or like me. But I wasn’t privy to it nonetheless.
As I googled for something like hypnotized in relationship or something along those line I came across a woman who shared her experience with a Narc. And I listened. And I at one point even wondered if I was the Narc. Because I would run away. We would get into a fight, I would run away. And I think our last “fight” I tried not to run away but ask for time (2 weeks) apart to focus on my job’s deadline because I was seriously loosing my shit. That’s when he broke up with me officially. Technically.
It’s hard to say that he is a Narc. I think we all have some spectrum of mental health issues in our lives. And it is our job to be aware of them and act accordingly if possible.
I mention this because epic epic drama of the Narc and the Empath is a tale told very often in the spiritual community. This is some how known as “twin flame” (which honestly doesn’t make much sense to me but OK). This story or experience of heartbreak and obsession and waiting and cleansing and magic …. telepathy have a nice chunk of women waiting around for something that may never come. I was one of them. BUT the “twin flame” journey was not serving me AT ALL, so I “let go of what was not longer serving me”.
I get to this point because, I know I was always an “empath” or intuitive. Since a child. But when I experienced this man or what some call a “twin flame” or now a “karmic soulmate” 🙄 I started to be psychically attacked.
For a year (2016) I legit thought it was him. I thought we had telepathic communication and he was harming me. I begged, drugged myself… saw shamans. To the point of suicide. Which he in his “telepathy” said he wanted.
Through this blog you can find other journal entries on the twin flame nightmare. But I am going to try to keep it to the point here.
Either way. I rejected the idea of twin flame or that I needed to commit suicide or that I was going to suffer for this connection in any way. When I did that things went from bad to worse. The voices I heard were no longer actual people. The visions I saw revealed themselves in their more truer essence which was not human.
I KNEW something wasn’t right. It didn’t make sense that this man would want me to commit suicide because we broke up like WUT?!
I mean CONSTANT voices. Constant none stop voices. Trying to get as much information on me as possible. They would ask me about my past wrongfully accusing me of things and I had to defend myself. Or distorting memories and creating false ones. I had to account for my whole entire fucking life. Mean while getting burned and raped and given migraine and all sort of pain, black outs ect because what I now know some sort of entity (entities) was attacking me.
That was my “awakening”. Getting cosmically jumped by the astral world.
Meanwhile in 3D I lost everything I owned including my sanity and also had the “spiritual community” turn their backs on me because I was going through something they could not easily fix with love and light and “an orb of white light surrounding me”.
I honestly found the most caring community in the mental health community. There is a balance of 1. Actually experiencing what people in the spiritual community theorize about. 2. A dedication to healing and listening to each other supporting each other. 3. I don’t have to pay Ms. Smith from mildly of no where $300 for her healing services she learned on a vacation to Peru or where ever. These are people who get it and experience it in detail. And there is a softness to them because we are vulnerable and that vulnerability helps us real are to the depths pain that others would not.
The spiritual community often times looks no different than the religious community to me. Just arguing about details and blowing over people lived experience and pain. Blaming peoples pain on the fact the “signed up for this” or that “they allowed this in their lives because of a soul tie” or “karma” ect. I was told I was of the dark. And as a perfectionist who dedicated their life to helping other THAT SHIT TOOK ME OUT. And I sat with it for a while…. and realized it was bullshit. Saying I’m dark or an evil person is fucked up. Like you don’t even know what dark is.
Which brings me to my point. My energetic attacks are well documented in this blog. I do some shadow work in here as well. There is an evolution to my writing in trying to figure out WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK is happening to me. I definitely contract myself in here, I was thinking about deleting it but I realized it’s important to see the evolution. And I am not absolutely right these are my experiences and views on such as I try to shift through ideas and concepts to honestly stop these attacks all together.
The “beings”, entities, energies… demons aliens whatever you want to call them…. the one thing I noticed is they are definitely far along in the psychopath/ Narc spectrum.
I mean they will lie to you about who they are, gaslight you on your own memories, rape, abuse, just mentally fuck with you. Hypnotize you into think you are a certain type of person… try to change your being at its core also known as debasing. Orbit you, even love bomb you. Pretend to show compassion and then in the same minute metaphysically abuse you.
Many schizophrenics hear the voices “talk about them as if they are not in the room” or can’t hear what is being said. I believe some target individuals experience this as well. So you have an entity or two or more just say “yea remember that time he yelled at his mom 5 years back, I bet he wanted her dead, yea she is going to die because of him… he killed her”. So like you are hearing this bullshit…. and no you do not want your mom dead….. and you can either respond to them directly ( which if I do they tell me shut up) 😳 or you learn to not to respond.
One thing I do is I do not respond to them. I respond to myself in “correcting my thoughts” for the record. So I say to myself “yes I yelled at my mother, and no I do not want her to die” short and simple. It can be more of thought then a verbal one in your head if needed. Talking inside your own head can be a little tiring.
Either way these voice/ entities will berate and belittle you to what seems like no end. Doesn’t matter how “good” you are or even bad you are. This is what they do. It is their nature.
Lie, belittle, accuse, blame, abuse…..
So the important of shadow work, trauma work, inner child work, and understanding narcissistic abuse is important to “healing” or more so surviving attacks of any level.
As I said these entities are like everything toxic about the human race packed into one little bobbled headed alien 👽 trying to get off on your consciousness.
Seriously fuck them.
I’m not where I want to be. I’m not where I was because I refused to go insane running around where ever they wanted. I am current and in the moment of experiencing. And yes I have goals.
It is these entities JOB to ruin your moment, day, week, life. Some are just more aware ….. and honesty awareness is not fun. “The veil being lifted” for real is NOT fun. If it’s fun you are probably still in an illusion and being played with. Which is fine…. like do you. But these beings are fucked up.
Being aware…. honestly isolates you in ways … I mean … like who? Most will only agree to the pretty parts or the exciting parts but in totality no one wants to align on that this shit is fucked up. I don’t care if I have super powers. I probably only have them because these entities are fucking with me.
I honestly say this because I spent so much money on “spiritual” shaman work and religion an meds and therapy and all that. And nothing helped me. The only thing that did was allowing certain concepts ideas beliefs theories ect go. Observing what was happening in the present moment. If the entity triggered me, I did shadow work and wrote out my current truth. I wrote my story almost as a legal affidavit. I allowed myself to feel the pain or anxiety … sadness whatever but i also distracted myself or screamed about it on this blog. I connected with people who are going through what I am. I compared notes. That was the only way I strengthened myself to this point.
I can sit here and theorize why I was attacked in this way until I die. “Dark night of the soul”, “kundalini awakening”, “regular awakening”, I’m a “medium”, I did something to upset God, past life “karma” ect. List can go on..,
But to be honest I have seen more mercy given to rapist and murders. And I know who I am and that I am a decent person. If the entities threaten my life I do not care. Go ahead…. end the torture….. at least that is some form of mercy.
I do not fear these beings anymore, and even with being “out of fear consciousness” the attacks continue. Even being out of guilt or shame the attacks continue. Because the only reason it matters is your response. Are you going to be calm cool and collected? Are you going to observe what is rather than what was or you THINK it is. Or will you bug out pushing people away from you.
The entities just said this is some rite of passage….. but honestly they can keep it. There is no reason and no reward for my suffering. It’s just to fuck with you.
And so many have and a HUGE wave from 2020 are going through it. And we need to learn to hold space and watch them and support them and let them be honest…. even for the darkest parts. And honestly not charge people for being a decent human being in the middle of a spiritual crisis.
Strengthen our minds…. (which doesn’t mean absolute) and strengthen our compassion for ourselves and others.
That is all.
DivineLove777 